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Distinguishing “The Fighter” From “The Mixed Martial...

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 183 Edition


(Silva hilariously reacts to the news that Diaz has missed his open workouts, via ZombieProphet.)

Can we level with you for a second, Nation? Last week, we dropped a ridiculous amount of money on a Krylov + Sicilia + Bader + Lusty Gusty parlay. Three quarters of the way through it, we felt like the precogs in Minority Report, and were already buying up rounds at the bar for complete strangers. “As soon as Gustafsson levels Rumble, free Patron for everyone!” we shouted to a chorus of cheers and back pats. The air of confidence surging through us was addictive, to the point that we even asked our high school crush, Jenny Bracegirdle, out on a date. Just coffee, but still, we were feeling it.

And then, the rug was swept out from under us, as it so often is. We mean literally. We couldn’t pay our tab, and the bouncers wrapped us in a rug and heaved us into a dumpster. Needless to say, Jenny Bracegirdle has yet to return our calls.

The point is, we could use a little extra cash this weekend, and we’re sure you could as well. Which is why we brought back our gambling expert, Dan George, to break out an old favorite and potentially save us from yet another weekend spent nursing our fractured egos (also, wrists). So join us after the jump for the return of the Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 183 Edition.

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The One Who Knocks (People Out): Brian Bowles Arrested For Possession of Meth


(Photo via MMAWeekly.)

You guys remember Brian Bowles, right? The pasty, Mark Wahlberg-looking UFC veteran best known for (figuratively) ending Miguel Torres‘ career? Anything? I wouldn’t blame you if you’re coming up short, as the former WEC bantamweight champion has been MIA since getting TKO’d by George Roop at UFC 160 and subsequently failing his post-fight drug test.

Well as it turns out, ol’ Bowlesy has spent his time away from the octagon pursuing various…pursuits that wouldn’t exactly fall in line with what you’d expect of MMA fighters not named Charles Bennett. Mainly, mainlining meth and valium.

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Dun Dada: Fantasy-Picking Kimbo Slice’s Opponent For His Bellator Debut


(And to think, had Kimbo landed his signature headbutt to the groin that night, EliteXC might still be in operation. Photo via Divulgação.)

By CagePotato reader BJ Last

Welcome back to Sliceworld! The man who took the internet by storm in 2003, turned into a popular MMA circus act in 2007, fell from relevance in 2010, started boxing jobbers in 2012, and everyone sort of forgot about in 2014, is now signed with the second biggest MMA promotion in the world. The only question remaining now — aside from why? and also huh? — is who should be Slice’s first opponent under the Bellator banner? Scott Coker & Co. have two options, as far as I see it:

1) They can try to find Slice a “legitimate” (yes, there’s a reason for air quotes) opponent in an attempt to rebuild him as a genuinely dangerous MMA fighter.

2) They can channel their inner Japanese MMA promotion and go full freakshow.

I’ll tell you what I want (what I really, really want), or at least what I see as the most likely options for each scenario. Let’s start with the “legitimate” opponents…

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Distinguishing “The Fighter” From “The Mixed Martial Artist”: Anderson Silva and Nick Diaz


(Countdown to UFC 183: Silva vs. Diaz via the UFC’s Youtube channel)

By CagePotato reader Rory Daniel

The phrase “fighting is in our DNA” is thrown around a lot these days and has inspired many a high quality piece of merchandise (LMAO), but does it actually have any bearing on real people? Like many hyperbolic, stupid, “sportsy” statements, it is both frustratingly vague and can be applied to both of this weekends main eventers, albeit in completely different ways.

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Tito Ortiz Brushes Off a Potential Fight With Kimbo Slice, And For Once, He’s In the Right


(Does this man strike you as someone who would trade in his dignity for a quick buck? Didn’t think so.)

By CP Reader Marcos Rego

With plenty of dark clouds hanging overhead this week, I thought it would be best to bring some cheer to the wonderful boys and girls of CP in the only way I know how: A series of jokes about Tito Ortiz disguised as an article. (Think of me as that uncle who gave you your first beer at age 15…but less creepy and allowed to go near public schools).

Repressed childhood memories aside, did you hear?! Tito Ortiz thinks fighting Kimbo Slice makes about as much sense as putting Fritos on a pizza. And for once, he’s right!

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Ring In “Snowmageddon 2015″ With This Random Collection of Jeff “The Snowman” Monson Videos

If you happen to live in the Northeast (or are Facebook friends with someone who does), you’ve likely already bared witness to the tundra-esque hellscape known as “Snowmageddon 2015.” Whether it’s insane traffic delays or a string of window photos reminding you that, yes, snow is a thing that happens in winter, Snowmageddon is here to inconvenience us all, so why not power through it with this random collection of Jeff Monson videos? Because Jeff Monson’s nickname is “The Snowman”, you see, and its snowing outside. Therefore: relevant news.

Come to think of it, perhaps this should have been an article dedicated to Jon Jones. (*gives/receives all of the self-fives*) Regardless, join us after the jump if spending your day off watching a heavily-tattooed anarchist strangle people sounds like a fun time to you.

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BTW, NY State Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver Was Arrested on Corruption Charges Last Week


(“And for my next impression, I give you a fish taking a shit.” via The New York Post.)

While we here at Castle CagePotato have been in full blown crisis mode these past few days, there has actually been a lot going on in the MMA world worth talking about. Go figure, right? Most notably, perhaps, is that NY State Assembly and supervillian of MMA, Sheldon Silver, was arrested on corruption charges related to accepting millions of dollars in undisclosed income from an NYC lawfirm. And because I gave you my word that I’d start publishing you Taters if you wrote in, after the jump is one such hot taek on Silver’s arrest, via CP reader Mike Reilly. Enjoy!

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CagePotato PSA: So About That Last “CagePotato PSA”…

Free Cage Potato dog
(It’s more “Save” than “Free” now, but the message is still relevant.)

By Jared Jones

Good morning, Nation.

If you’ve visited CagePotato within the past few days, you’ve likely read my inspiring and totally original war speech which triumphantly declared that we will not be be going quietly into the night, nor will we be vanishing without a fight, and so on and so forth. You were likely moved to tears by this heartrending and undeniably epic rally cry, and most certainly hugged your loved ones a little tighter before tucking them into bed, reminding them to never, ever take anything in life for granted.

And while I wasn’t technically wrong in declaring that CP’s flame will forever burn, it turns out that my soaring call to arms might have been a bit, presumptuous…

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UFC on FOX 14: Gustafsson vs. Johnson — Live Results & Commentary


(Alexander Gustafsson, Anthony Johnson, and DMX in the camouflage, ready to ask some hard-hitting questions./Photo via Getty)

The UFC showcase on FOX returns tonight for its 14th installment, featuring a huge light heavyweight title eliminator on deck. Alexander Gustafsson will be looking to book his rematch against Jon Jones, as he dukes it out against rising contender Anthony Johnson in the five-round main event inside Tele2 Arena in Stockholm, Sweden. The winner of this bout will most likely square off against the champion later this year.

In the co-main event, Dan Henderson will try to prove he’s not way over the hill like most of us think he is, as he faces Gegard Mousasi. Both combatants are coming off submission losses, looking to storm back into the win column. Also on the card, Phil Davis battles Ryan Bader, and kicking off the FOX action will be Akira Corassani vs. Sam Sicilia.

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CagePotato PSA: No, We Are Not Shutting Down (At Least Not For Now)

By Jared Jones 

Good morning, Nation.

Understandably, the unexpected and immensely saddening departure of Ben Goldstein from CagePotato has led to rampant speculation that we might be closing our doors for good. And to be honest, that very well might be the case. Maybe not today, maybe not a couple weeks from now, but suffice it to say, the loss of BG from the site he built from the ground up — a site that has endlessly entertained hundreds of thousands of tens of dozens of us for over 7 years — hit hard here at Castle Cagepotato. A lot is up in the air right now regarding our future, and I wish I had more answers to put your minds at ease (and also mine, because you know, I kind of work here).

But if this really is the end, what a shame it would be. In a media landscape that so often seems content with blind obedience, CagePotato has served as one of the few voices of dissent — and dare I say it, reason — throughout the years. And while it’s true that we may take that dissent a little far at times, we do so only out of a genuine love for the inspiring, depressing, overly-serious, and routinely absurd sport that is mixed martial arts, and the hope that it may one day become the global juggernaut it aims to be. Like any other sport, MMA needs to be kept in check and called on its bullshit in order to truly progress, and the loss of guys like BG seems to indicate that fewer and fewer people are willing to heed that call.

I’ve been a writer at CagePotato for over three years. Before that, I was a commenter — a lone member in CP’s then-bustling community of sarcastic a-holes and bitter trolls. Ben offered me a shot at the big mid time directly out of college, and I’ve been dealing with a near constant barrage of angry readers and angrier tweeters ever since. I’ve loved every last second of it (even skeletor), so believe me when I say that I have a lot invested in what CP has become, and what it will be moving forward.

But it’s like I said, I don’t have all (or any) of the answers right now. What I do know is that as it stands, myself, Mike Fagan, and Alex Giardini will continue to steer this ghost ship into its uncertain future. We may never be able to replicate what CagePotato was like during the Goldstein Era™, and truthfully, we probably won’t even try to. Ben’s voice was as unique and intuitive as any in the sport, and any attempt to replicate that voice would only draw unflattering comparisons to the genuine article.

What we are going to do, however, is rise from the ashes like the mightiest, most triumphant goddamn Phoenix you’ve ever seen. Like we did when Old Dad left. Like we did when we nearly shut down by the UFC that one time and also that other time. Like we’ve done time and time again. We were quoted by the goddamn New Yorker, goddammit, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to let this place go out without a goddamn fight. This means branching out. Trying new ideas. Crafting unique, hard-hitting, and consistently humorous content. And most importantly, it means collaborating with the true voice of CagePotato: You, the readers.

This is a call to arms, Potato Nation. We need your support, your input now more than ever. Do you have a story pitch, a potential lead, or a half-brained idea in need of development? Contact us. Contact me. I promise, I will do my absolute best to hear out every last one of you. And as long as you’re willing to work for free, hell, I’ll even get you published. You gotta start building that fancy writer’s resume somewhere, right?

The point is, we can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, the 4th of July 23rd of January will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world CagePotato Army declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night!
We will not vanish without a fight!
We’re going to live on!
We’re going to survive!”

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Ten Unrelated Thoughts About Running a Mid-Level MMA Blog — A Goodbye Letter From BG

CagePotato's founding editor and longtime torch-carrier, Ben Goldstein, is leaving us. Heed his final words and pay your respects, nerds.

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And Now He’s Retired: Cung Le Will No Longer Be Throwing Spinning Sh*t

"It has truly been my honor and my privilege to entertain you."

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Dave Herman’s Wife Posts Video of Tasering/Arrest, Claims Husband Was “Assaulted by Police”

The plot thickens.

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Crocop

Yep, Mirko Cro Cop Is Coming Back to the UFC. Seriously.

How long do you think it will be before the UFC forces Chuck Liddell *out of* retirement?

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Guy Who Beat Conor McGregor That One Time Books UFC Debut for UFC 185

If the name Joseph Duffy sounds familiar to you, it's not just because you've spent more than 5 minutes in South Boston.

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Dave “Pee Wee” Herman Arrested on Three Felony Charges Following Police Chase

In b4 he blames this all on MLK.

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More Details Emerge in BJ Penn’s Alleged Assault in Bar Parking Lot

Penn and Kuuipo Mokiao were drinking together at a bar on Saturday night, when Penn began picking a fight with people inside. Mokiao told investigators that he pushed Penn to stop him, and Penn responded by challenging Mokiao to a fight.

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“I’m Not a Cocaine Addict”: Jon Jones Discusses Failed Drug Test on ‘FOX Sports Live’

Watch the full FOX Sports Live interview, which covers everything from Jones's drug usage to his one-night stay in a rehab clinic.

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VIDEOS: Donald Cerrone Sneaks By Benson Henderson, Feels Kind of Bad About It Afterwards

Benson Henderson landed just a little more often, stayed just a little busier, and was heading for yet another vaguely unsatisfying decision victory over an elite lightweight. Except this time, the cards didn't fall in his favor.

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The Ultimate Fighter Finale: Post Fight Press Conference

BJ Penn Arrested in Maui After Alleged Assault

As first reported by MauiWatch.com, Penn "was staying at the Four Seasons Maui when police responded and encountered an inebriated Penn. According to [MauiWatch's] anonymous source, Penn severely assaulted the individual and left him fleeing back to the hotel room where the arrest was later made."

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Chad Mendes vs. Ricardo Lamas to Headline Daytime UFC Event, April 4th in Fairfax, VA

Essentially, the winner of this fight could clinch a featherweight title shot — as long as Conor McGregor beats Jose Aldo in May. But if Aldo retains his belt? It's hard to make a strong case for either guy to get another crack.

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Gross Photo of the Day: Here’s the Gnarly Gash That Uriah Hall Gave Ron Stallings

Hall needed less than a round to tear open the face of obscure late-replacement Ron Stallings to the point where the fight was stopped by a doctor.

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Conor McGregor Mauls Dennis Siver, Jumps Cage to Confront Jose Aldo [VIDEOS]

The mad Irishman got the "Aldo vs. McGregor" promotion off to an early start, leaping the cage after his smash-up of Siver and storming his way over to Aldo and his family. Watch it all right here.

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UFC Fight Night Weigh-in

UFC Fight Night 59: McGregor vs. Siver — Live Results & Commentary

Round-by-round updates from the FOX Sports 1 main card will be right here starting at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT.

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UFC Fight Night Weigh-in

Video: Watch Jose Aldo’s Miserable UFC Q&A Session With Drunk Bostonians

Fresh off the most embarrassing UFC Q&A ever involving CM Punk earlier this month in Las Vegas, NV., at UFC 182, the UFC thought it would be a great idea to call upon its featherweight kingpin, Jose Aldo, to answer some hard-hitting questions in Boston a day before UFC Fight Night 59 (which takes place tonight, if you haven't heard already).

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WSOF 17 Results and GIFs: Shields Taps Foster And…That’s…About…It

WSOF 17: "Shields vs. Foster" took place last night from Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas, NV., featuring former Strikeforce champion and UFC alumni Jake Shields against another fellow UFC veteran Brian Foster.

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Dave & Buster's Hollywood & Highland Grand Opening

Dillashaw vs. Barao 2, Rampage vs. Maldonado, Bisping vs. Dollaway Confirmed for UFC 186

UFC president Dana White confirmed the matchups yesterday during an appearance on TSN's SportsCenter.

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Goodnight, MMA

Matt Saccaro says goodbye to CagePotato and to MMA.

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UFC 182: Jones v Cormier

Jon Jones Fined $25,000 By The UFC For Violating The Promotion’s Code of Conduct

The UFC announced via its website today that current UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones has been fined $25,000 for violating the promotion's Athlete Code of Conduct policy.

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The Ultimate Fighter 1 Finale: Griffin v Bonnar

TUF’s 10-Year Anniversary: The Legacy of the Most Drawn-Out MMA Show In History

On Jan. 17, 2005, Spike TV aired a new show titled The Ultimate Fighter, which featured 16 combat sports athletes living under one roof in Las Vegas, competing for a six-figure contract with the UFC.

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