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Fight Night 70 Highlights/Results: Romero Obliterates Machida, Larkin,...

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Fight Night 70 Highlights/Results: Romero Obliterates Machida, Larkin, Santos, and Sims Score Big KO’s


(via UFC on FOX)

Lyoto Machida may have been the slight favorite heading into Saturday’s fight against Yoel Romero, but “The Soldier of God” nearly sent him to Jesus with a series of (as Thomas Myers best described them) “murderous” elbows in the third round of their Fight Night 70 headliner.

Video highlights and a complete list of results are after the jump.

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MMA Bill Fails in New York. Sky Is Blue. Water Wet.


(Wait, you brought Koscheck? NO WONDER NO ONE LIKES YOU. via Getty.)

Should I even bother dressing this article up with fancy words and intro paragraphs? It would just be reiterating that same sh*t New York-born/based MMA fans have been dealing with for as long as I can remember, with the lone exception being the arrest of Sheldon Silver — one of the biggest opponents of the MMA in NY bill — being arrested on corruption charges in January. Nah, I think I’ll just cut to the chase.

The bill to legalize professional MMA in NY has died once again before it reached the legislature. In other news: The sky is blue. Water is wet. Arrested Development was cancelled way too soon.

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UPDATE: Jose Aldo’s Rib *Not* Broken, McGregor Fight Still On For UFC 189


(And he couldn’t be more thrilled, Joe!)

Today is a good day, Nation. The best, even.

After initial reports Tuesday claimed that Jose Aldo had fractured a rib in training and would most likely be removed from “the most anticipated featherweight fight of all time” at UFC 189, the UFC released a statement earlier today rebuffing those claims and offering a beacon of hope in the dreary, dystopic landscape that MMA fans have long grown accustomed to (no hyperbole).

That statement is after the jump.

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Alexander Shlemenko Suspended Three Years by CSAC After INSANE T/E Ratio Revealed


(via Bellator)

So not too long ago, it was revealed that former Bellator middleweight champion Alexander Shlemenko had tested positive for elevated testosterone following his win over Melvin Manhoef at Bellator 133. While our initial shock appeared to stem from the fact that the man above, not his cut from steel counterpart was the one juicing, yesterday’s CSAC hearing regarding Shlemenko’s punishment unveiled some rather mind-blowing information to say the very least.

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BREAKING: Jose Aldo Fractures Rib. UFC 189 Headliner in Jeopardy. God is Dead.


(The nightmare begins. via McGregor’s Twitter.)

(*inhales deeply*) (*buries face in couch pillow*)

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

We all knew that this day would come. Between the next-level trash-talk, the unprecedented world tour, the insane promos — both of which were described by Dana White as “the most expensive ever” – and the talks that the event would need to sell 1 million+ pay-per-views for the UFC to break even (which early figures indicated would happen), we knew that the MMA Gods would simply never allow the UFC 189 megafight between Conor McGregor and Jose Aldo to come to fruition. We knew this, yet we held out hope.

Which is why, perhaps more than ever before, it hurts so much to say this.

According to various sources (but first broke by Combate’s Anna Hissa), Jose Aldo fractured a rib in training early this morning. Two and a half weeks out from UFC 189. While his fight with McGregor has yet to be officially called off, one has to imagine that it’s only a matter of time.

God. Dammit.

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“The Last Hemperor” Caption Contest: And The Winner Is…


(“Can we hurry this up? I’m on my way to the scene of Aleks’ latest crime against humanity.”)

It has been many moons since we had our last caption contest, and boy oh boy did it show in last week’s results. I’d like to think this was you Taters working out the comedy ring rust, so to speak. Some of you opted for stoner jokes, because Nick Diaz, some of you opted to make fun of the gentleman on the right’s attire (WSOF vet Martin Sano, FWIW), and some of you didn’t really even attempt jokes at all, but merely observed that Diaz was in the same picture as the GOAT. Overall, I’d say this was a moderate success.

But onto the winning caption, which came via our Facebook page and completely destroyed the competition…

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CagePotato Poll: Was Ken Shamrock vs. Kimbo Slice a Work?


(Here it is: What will soon be known as the Zapruder film of MMA footage.)

Chalk it up to the marketing brilliance of Ken Shamrock, the Coker Era of Bellator matchmaking, or the undeniable Internet prescence of Kimbo Slice, but here it is Monday morning, and the only thing anyone can talk about is the Bellator 138 main event. Nevermind that there was a perfectly acceptable UFC Fight Pass card over the weekend as well, or that Bellator 138′s co-main event featured one of the most brilliant comebacks you will ever see — all we want to know is: Did the 51-year-old man take a dive against the 41-year-old man?

This is, of course, a ludicrous question to anyone who saw the axe wound that Slice opened up over Shamrock’s eye, but then again, when has a piece of obvious evidence like that ever stopped us from crafting completely nonsensical conspiracy theories? Internet’s gotta Internet, amiright? You can count Joe Rogan among the Shammy-Slice truthers, so with that in mind, we decided mocked up a little survey to make sure all your voices are heard (as long as those voices conform to 1 of the 4 options we’ve allowed you to choose from).

Join us after the jump to weigh in! 

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Fight Night 69 Highlights/Results: Jedrzejczyk Batters Penne, Kawajiri Smothers Siver, “Mr. Finland” Shines Again + More


(Joanna Champion: The simultaneously most adorable and terrifying woman on the planet, next to Alice from Workaholics.)

Jessica Penne is tough as nails, y’all. Unfortunately for her, Joanna Jedrzejczyk has a bowl of nails for breakfast every morning…without any milk. To describe the women’s strawweight champion as “on point” in her main event scrap over the weekend would be borderline disrespectful — Joanna Champy was Chuck Liddell-esque in her tactical destruction of Penne (Joe), putting the TUF 20 alum’s face through the meat grinder over the course of a third round TKO victory.

While it was evident that Penne was outclassed on the feet from the start and unable to get the fight to the mat thereafter, a credit is due to her for taking everything Jedrzejczyk had to offer and not once backing down. We are often quick to praise a fighter’s heart in scenario’s like the one Penne found herself in, but very rarely do we see someone taking a lickin’ and keep on tickin’ like that. It’s not the highest praise, I know, but Penne will be a staple of this division for a while and have plenty more chances to improve and impress.

Check out Champy’s post-fight interview with Dan Hardy above, then join us after the jump for highlights and a complete list of results from Fight Night 69. 

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Friday Link Dump: Coming to Terms With Kimbo vs. Shamrock, A New Twist in the Silva Drug Test Fiasco, America’s Tastiest Wing Joints + More


(The Fight Night 69 weigh-ins. Come for Alan Patrick’s backflip, stay for the incredibly awkward main event staredown.)

Kimbo Slice vs. Ken Shamrock is For the Truly Wicked at Heart, Which Might Be You (MMAFighting)

Inside Ken Shamrock’s Quest to Show He’s Still the World’s Most Dangerous Man (Bleacher Report)

The MMA Road Show with John Morgan: Gustafsson, Caraway, Lundell from Vegas (MMAJunkie)

UFC: Berlin Judo Chop – Joanna Jedrzejczyk: Fundamental Footwork (BloodyElbow)

A New Twist In The ‘Spider’ Drug Test Fiasco (MMAMania)

The Escapist’s We Love It Awards: The Best of E3 2015 (Escapist)

Dear Single Mothers Celebrating Father’s Day (EveryJoe)

Movie Science: Could Jurassic World Ever Happen? (ScreenJunkies)

The 50 Funniest Demotivational Posters (WorldWideInterweb)

Marisa Miller Barely Fits Into Bikinis (41 Photos) (Radass)

America’s 8 Tastiest Wing Joints (MadeMan)

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Dude Wipes, Spray Tans, and Unnecessary Side Burns: A Bellator 138 Weigh-Ins Exclusive


(All photos via Chad Blessinger.)

By Zach Heim and Chad Blessinger

Describing the atmosphere of a Bellator weigh-in — especially one headlined by the freakiest freakshow fight this side of Kinnikuman vs. Bob Sapp – is a difficult thing to do on paper. The energy is not quite as high as at the typical UFC event (well, a pay-per-view, anyway) and the loudest bouts of applause from the half-filled floor seating generally are oft reserved for the bevy of local fighters competing on the evening’s undercard. There is a distinct lack of frills at a Bellator event, which makes sense given that the promotion is now run under the guidance of Scott “No Nonsense” Coker.

At yesterday afternoon’s Bellator 138: Unfinished Business weigh-ins, which took place at the Scottrade Center in downtown St. Louis, the atmosphere was similarly underwhelming for a card that features the likes of Patricio Pitbull, Daniel Straus, and Michael Chandler to name a few. It was the featherweight champion who made the biggest impact, however, both on and off the scale. After missing weight on his first try, Pitbull frustratingly addressed the media about being the co-main event to a couple of fighters he felt “sorry for” before openly admitting that he would NOT be watching their fight. Talk about a company man, amiright?

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Caption Contest: Win a Random DVD From Danga’s Vault!!


(The Greatest and The Realest, seen here discussing Russian trade policies and how to properly roll a blunt. via [...]

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SportsPotato: Watch (Or Don’t Watch) This BRUTAL, Achilles-Rupturing Heel Hook From a Welsh Rugby Match

Thankfully, the perpetrator of this despicable act has been sentenced to 2 minutes on the mat with Rousimar Palhares.

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VIDEO: Spike TV’s “Finally: Kimbo vs. Shamrock” Documentary

“Finally: Kimbo vs. Shamrock” debuts tonight on Spike TV at 11 p.m. ET/PT.

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UFC 188 Aftermath: Another G.O.A.T Bites the Dust…

For how often we like to claim that so and so is "the best eva," we rarely seem to actually pause and look at the evidence to support such an audacious claim.

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UFC 188: A Complete A-to-Z Preview

CP Contributor Nasir Jabbar gives a head-to-toe breakdown of all the odd ends and x-factors heading into the UFC's return to Mexico.

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Mike Richman’s Response to Failed Bellator 137 Drug Test Is…Surprisingly Endearing, Actually

"I am a cheat, plan and simple and there is no excuse or reason that is valid enough to dispute the reasons why I cheated the sport and myself by using it."

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UFC 168: Rousey v Tate 2

Supercut of the Day: RONDA THROWS PEOPLE!

A note to all MMA reporters: Unless you want a broken rib, forgo the harai goshi demonstrations and stick to asking Rousey questions about her sex policy on fight week.

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XFS Owner Gregg Sharp Tries to Defend “Soccer Mom” Booking, Fails Miserably

"I am not naive in the fact that sooner or later a hater or two would jump on to our YouTube account and make something of nothing."

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Fight Night 68 Highlights/Results: Hendo Starches Boetsch, Rothwell Submits Mitrione, Everyone Finishes Everyone, Basically

Lesson #1: Never, EVER come at Dan Henderson with your hands down and chin up.

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Friday Link Dump: Experts Explain a Potential Fighter Union, KenFlo to Host Battlebots Reboot, The Best and Worst of Donuts + More

The finest content from our partners around the web.

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Everything You Need to Know About the UFC’s New Drug-Testing Policy

"Two years just for weed? DAMN!!" -- Nick Diaz

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GIF of the Day: Soccer Mom Gets Faceplant KO’d Twice In Hysterically Brutal Fashion [UPDATED]

If you thought Sensei Segal's recent demonstration was a masterful display of martial arts ineptitude, just wait until you see this.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Steven Seagal’s Russian “Masterclass” Is a Gift From Above

This video is where "Slap-Jitsu" levels of hilarity, with Kiai master levels of delusion meet.

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on May 30, 2015 in Goiania, Brazil.

Fight Night 67 Results/Highlights: Condit Stops Alves in Vintage Performance, Oliveira Chokes Out Lentz in Barnburner + More

"The Natural Born Killer" is back, ladies and gentlemen.

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Comeuppance of the Day: Leslie Smith, Heather Clark Lay Beatdown on Ass-Grabbing Schmuck Outside Nightclub

"I was morally compelled to tell the man that my friend's butt (in a pair of jean btw) was not public property for him to grope at will and then he spit and swung on me."

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Friday Link Dump: 20 Minutes With Conor McGregor, The Latest Reebok Inequality Issue, Terrible Movie Reboots + More

The finest content from our partners around the web.

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Knockout of the Day: Denmark Fighter Anna Elmose Tops Off a Violent Shellacking With a Curtsy

Personally, I would have preferred to see Anna "Panda" Elmose link her nickname with her celebration and engage in a post-victory munching of a bamboo stalk.

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Bethe Correia Makes Suicide Joke About Ronda Rousey, Ironically Signing Her Own Death Warrant in the Process [UPDATED]

Well, if we didn't think Bethe Correia was a dead (wo)man walking before, she sure is now...

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TIL That Chris Weidman Almost Sh*t Himself Before His UFC 187 Title Fight

"I could not believe this was going to happen. I'm going to crap myself in the middle of this cage." -- our middleweight champion, ladies and gents.

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UFC 187: Johnson v Cormier

UFC 187 Aftermath: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

UFC 187 was a flat-out fantastic card that answered most (if not all) of the questions surrounding it in the wake of several notable absences.

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