(Props: TSGIGOR via the UG)

As much as he likes to portray himself as an ordinary, boring family man outside of his job knocking people's heads off their shoulders, it seems like whenever we get a glimpse of Fedor Emelianenko's private life he is always doing something awesome.  When he's not beating up six Koreans at once, hanging out with Vladimir Putin and Silvio Berlusconi at lavish dinner parties catered by miserable teenagers, or wearing a series of unbelievable sweaters, he's playing ping-pong in the world's sweetest rec room in Kiev, Ukraine. 

It's not even fair that one man should have this great of a life, while the rest of us have to settle for wearing normal sweaters and playing ping-pong in rooms totally bereft of bizarrely ornate furnishings.  We may not be the greatest heavyweight in the world, but does that mean we don't deserve to hang out in the kind of place that has both a ping-pong table and a gold sectional sofa?  Maybe it does.  Maybe that's just how life is.  Even if you can kick a little ass, or perhaps most of the ass, the world will not share such lavish bounties with you unless you can kick all asses.  Just ask poor Anthony Johnson...

It's been over two months since we've seen Chuck Liddell throw around Russian pixie Anna Trebunskaya, but the two have been reunited for one last score, thanks to a Dancing With the Stars-themed feature in the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Watch as Anna bounces around in a bikini while Chuck bounces around like a jackass. Obviously this isn't going to be the deciding factor for you to go out and buy the issue — there's an entire spread on bodypainted ex-girlfriends of soccer players, so you should already have this thing pre-ordered.

Personally, I blame Chael "Epic Troll" Sonnen, who recently proved that even if you have a somewhat dull fighting style, MMA fans will start caring about you as soon as you accuse Anderson Silva of being an overrated punk who's fluent in both English and Spanish. Sonnen's recent success in playing the heel is only encouraging trash-talkers to get bolder with their call-outs, and the latest instigator is UFC welterweight contender Josh Koscheck, who has been on Twitter the last couple of days demanding that Tito Ortiz fight him. Considering that Koscheck is two weight classes smaller than Ortiz, this seems like a fight that Ortiz would actually take, although the HBBB hasn't responded yet.

Obviously, the matchup would never be approved by the UFC or any athletic commission in this country*, even if Kos went on an all-Bojangles diet for the next three months. And in that sense, the call-out is virtually useless, outside of the fact that it gets us talking about Josh Koscheck for a few minutes one Tuesday afternoon. It's like when somebody says "I'd kick your ass if my friends weren't holding me back." In this analogy, the "friends" represent the 35-pound weight differential. You're talking shit with a safety net. Yes, Josh, in the old days of the UFC, you'd occasionally see a guy like Keith Hackney beating the crap out of a guy like Emmanuel Yarborough. But I'm not sure that argument's strong enough to convince Dana to toss out the unified rules on your behalf.

* Wait a minute. Are they just building up heat for a future headlining fight in Abu Dhabi? Oh God, no.

Those of you who missed the Spike TV broadcast of the Melvin Guillard-Ronnys Torres fight at UFC 109 didn't just miss a very close three-round scrap, you also missed a chance to see Joe Rogan flip out over something besides marijuana, locker room meat-gazers, or the craziness of space.  I refer now, of course, to an ice spill in the Octagon. 

It's no one's fault, really, except maybe the person who decided to use a cheap grocery store produce bag in Torres's corner.  The thing comes apart at the most inopportune time, and the result is a group of grown men trying frantically to clean up a large pile of ice while Rogan yells at them and a packed arena boos their efforts.  The difficulty these men (or, as Rogan refers to them, "the goddamn Three Stooges") have in this task just goes to show how much more difficult everything becomes in a high-pressure situation.  Try unlocking your front door while someone yells at you about what an incapable moron you are, or clean up broken eggs on the kitchen floor as your emotionally unstable girlfriend stands nearby and refers to the situation as "a disaster."  Then maybe you'll understand.    

(Skip to the 3:15 mark to hear Coleman's thoughts on the rule changes in MMA that forced him to "learn a lot of other skills.")

Those of you who became MMA fans somewhere between "Iron Ring" and “Bully Beatdown” might not realize this, but there was a time when Mark Coleman was a holy terror as a fighter. We know, he didn’t look like it against Randy Couture at UFC 109, but give the guy a break. He’s 45 years-old and has been using his body (and sometimes his head) as a weapon to hurt other men since 1996. That stuff is bound to take a toll on you, which is why Couture is the exception and not the rule.

After his loss on Saturday night it now seems like Coleman is done, or at least done in the UFC.  At the very real risk of eulogizing Coleman’s career too soon, as we did with Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic’s – Christ, doesn’t anyone quit this sport when they should? – we’d like to pay tribute to the monster Coleman used to be by looking back at some of his finest MMA moments.