MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

October, 2007

No man is unbeatable

Other than a disqualification in January ’06 for an illegal kick against Yushin Okami, the last time Anderson Silva lost a fight was on New Year’s Eve 2004 at a PRIDE bout against Ryo Chonan. How that loss came about must be seen to be believed:

Note to UFC middleweights: Start working on your scissorlock-takedown heelhook-submissions immediately.

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Good. Gravy.

Uh…

To see more of Joanne and Lauren, go to MMAgirls.net. If you need me, I’ll be dumping ice water down my pants.

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Look on the bright side…

At Hooters, everyone’s a champion.

Franklin Hooters

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UFC/Couture press conferences liveblog

[Refresh page every few minutes to read my sage insights. Enjoy.]

3:55-4:15: Spent the last 20 minutes downloading bullshit plug-ins to listen to audio on Yahoo! Sports. Jesus H. Christ. What did I miss? Dana is fielding questions…

4:17: UFC was talking to HBO for a TV deal, but it fell through. They’ll still be on Spike. So, it’s more of a non-announcement.

4:18: “As far as I’m concerned, [Randy Couture] is still the heavyweight champion.”

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Classic Sh*t…

Bob Sapp vs. Antonio “Minotauro” Nogueira, at PRIDE Shockwave (8/28/02).

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Heads up…

Today at 4 p.m. ET, the UFC will hold a media conference call to announce a new television deal, as well as the signing of Brock Lesnar and the UFC 79 fight between Chuck Liddell and Wanderlei Silva.

A half-hour later, Randy Couture will be holding a press conference in Las Vegas to explain his disassociation with the UFC — and hopefully comment on his future plans. Couture’s press conference will be broadcast live on HDNet as well as on ProElite.com. (Hmm…could this mean a signing to EliteXC is a possibility? Could a Randy Couture/Kimbo Slice fight be far behind?)

Stay tuned for live-blogging madness…

UPDATE: The UFC media announcement will be broadcast here.

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The TUF Report, Episode 6: “It’s like the devil’s doing all this.”

barrera saunders

Well, it looks like my educated guess was correct on this one, as Team Hughes dropped another match on last night’s The Ultimate Fighter, putting them in a 5-1 hole and giving all control of the quarterfinal matchups to Team Serra. I just didn’t expect the loss to result from awful coaching, an oversized hand and a demonic possession.

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UFC fighter salaries lack rhyme, reason

Big ups to the guys at MMAjunkie.com, who were able to obtain official fight salaries for UFC 77 from the Ohio Athletic Commission. Below are the amounts that each fighter in the main card took home that night. (Keep in mind that the winners’ totals reflect a doubling of their base salary.)

Anderson Silva ($120,000) def. Rich Franklin ($45,000)

Tim Sylvia ($200,000) def. Brandon Vera ($100,000)

Alvin Robinson ($6,000) def. Jorge Gurgel ($7,000)

Stephan Bonnar ($44,000) def. Eric Schafer ($6,000)

Alan Belcher ($22,000) def. Kalib Starnes ($7,000)

So, lots to discuss here. First of all, Jorge Gurgel earned about 35 cents for every time he was punched in the face, which seems a little low. (I don’t get out of bed for less than 50 cents per face-punch.) His opponent Alvin Robinson came in with a $3,000 base salary — shockingly low for someone on the main card of a UFC pay-per-view event.

Dana White insists that Stephan Bonnar is one-half of the greatest UFC fight of all time, yet pays him a base salary of only $22,000, equal to that of Alan “Huh?” Belcher. This is the part where the average MMA fan would start up with the “Dana White has no loyalty” rant, railing at how poorly White treats fighters who temporarily fall out of favor (see also: Franklin’s surprisingly-low $45k take). But Tim Sylvia was never popular, and he makes a guaranteed hundred-thou per fight. But then again, so does Brandon Vera, and Vera was never champion.

Come to think of it, that Vera figure can’t be right. How does an up-and-coming heavyweight contender have a base salary that’s $40,000 more than the middleweight champion’s? It’s like Vera’s manager is Don Corleone, and Anderson Silva’s manager is this guy:

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“We call those pussies ‘quitters’.”

Some questions I had after watching SpikeTV’s “The 25 Tuffest Moments of All Time”…

griff's face

— Has Forrest Griffin ever made a TV appearance where his face wasn’t covered in scabs and bruises? It’s as if him and Stephan Bonnar showed up to the taping and the producers were like, “Alright, let’s get Stephan into makeup, pronto. Forrest, we’re going to need to lay into your face with a phone book for 15 minutes or so, then rub dirt in your hair. Cool? You’re gonna look super tough.” I know the dude fights for a living and all, but I have a feeling he engages in some high-risk behavior on the side. Just speculating, here. Or maybe his body just doesn’t heal as fast as the average person’s. Maybe he has the opposite of what Wolverine has. Poor guy…

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Bodog CEO attempts moronic publicity stunt, still stands to lose $49 million

Back in August, Bodog — one of the world’s largest online gambling companies and owner of the BodogFights series — was ordered to pay $49 million in damages and forfeit its domain name after failing to respond to claims that their downloadable software infringes on a patent held by 1st Technology LLC. (I know, pretty boring so far.) Bodog CEO Calvin Ayre called the suit an “extortion attempt,” partly due to the fact that he isn’t able to personally respond to the charges in Las Vegas. (Bodog is based in Antigua, and the U.S. Department of Justice has a habit of arresting online gambling executives; 1st Technology may be counting on Ayre to settle out of court rather than risk arrest by traveling to Nevada. I know, still kind of boring.)

Anyway, it was reported today that Ayre has challenged 1st Technology CEO Scott Lewis to a three-round BodogFight rules MMA bout, with Ayre offering $1 million in prize money to get Lewis in the ring. If you’re wondering what kind of man would respond to a lawsuit by challenging the plaintiff to a fight, or if you’re wondering whether Ayre deserves to lose $49 million over a simple patent infringement claim that’s yet to be proven, the answer to both questions can be answered by this picture of Calvin Ayre:

douchebag

[hint: a jerkoff, and yes]

What’s really troublesome about Calvin’s sad publicity stunt is that Scott Lewis would have to defeat Ayre 49 times to collect the total judgment. It should also be mentioned that one of the features currently on Bodog’s new site is Bif Naked Bride, an “8-Webisode Bodog TV Exclusive” that follows the pop-punk artist Bif Naked — remember that song “Moment of Weakness” from like 1998? No? — as she gets married to some dork. Wow. It’s not exactly subject matter I would normally associate with poker, or MMA, or the Internet for that matter. But if this is what it takes to get tattooed 30-something lesbians interested in gambling, maybe Calvin Ayre is smarter than we think. You don’t see George Maloof going after that market!

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