Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

November, 2007

Bas Rutten Reprises His Greatest Hits

Courtesy of Holy crap, this fight is only five days away!


Connie Has Lots of Energy

After I wrote that last post, I decided to search the web for some of those old Xyience commercials with the Iceman and Ace. I always liked the one where Rich Franklin is telling his science class about how awesome Xyience is, and the hot chick in the class is like “Mr. Franklin, do you use Xyience?” while eye-fucking the shit out of him, and he’s like “Every day,” and the implication is that if you use Xyience, you basically get to bang your students every day.

So I’m searching, and I come across the video below. From what I gather, Xyience held a video contest to find their next spokesmodel, and a handful of girls submitted sample commercials. I’m guessing that this girl didn’t win:

The problem with trying to be sexy is that if you miss the mark, you miss it so hard that you usually land on “hilarious.” I think the main problem here is that gogo-bar dance moves don’t really translate when you break ‘em out in the middle of the day behind a decrepit supermarket in Hoboken. Also, it Just Doesn’t End. We get it — you can rub your ass and hair against a filthy wall. If this is what Xyience does to people, I’m sticking with Red Bull and methamphetamines.


Xyience: Buncha Deadbeats


Hey, you remember how Chuck Liddell and Rich Franklin always used to appear in Xyience commericals, and now they don’t so much anymore? Well, as Adam Swift reports on Sherdog, the two UFC stars terminated their endorsement deals due to Xyience’s non-payment. Forrest Griffin, Josh Koscheck, Mike Swick and Cung Le were also short-changed by the nutritional supplement company, though all the fighters (including Liddell and Franklin) report that they’ve now been paid in full.

The Xyience website continues to feature fighters who have left the company, including Matt Hughes (who wasn’t happy with Xyience’s performance and now shills for Nutritox*) and Sean Sherk, who blames Xyience’s Xtreme Joint Formula for his positive test for the anabolic steroid 1-androstendione. Interestingly, no fighter has blamed their split with the company on the fact that the Cran Razz energy drink tastes like rotten piss.

Despite everything, Xyience has managed to sign a three-year extension on its exclusive partnership with the UFC. Says Dana White: “We look forward to our future endeavors together as both of our companies continue their explosive growth.” Anyway, read the article for all the details.

* Special to Matt Hughes: I’m not sure I’d trust a nutritional line with the suffix “tox” in its name. You know how Botox is short for “Botulinum toxin”? It’s basically a paralytic poison. Which works for wrinkles, apparently, but I’m not sure how a toxin would benefit your muscular/cardiovascular systems. Anyway, you’d better do some more homework on the stuff, because Matt Serra just signed a contract with Vitideath and he’s looking HUGE.


Horodecki Remains Undefeated with IFL World Grand Prix Split Decision

MMA wunderkind Chris Horodecki tacked another win onto his unbeaten record on Saturday with a split-decision over Bart Palaszewski at the IFL’s World Grand Prix. Horodecki came out strong in the first round, hammering Palaszewski with sharp combinations and briefly knocking him to the mat, but the second frame was all Palaszewski, who dominated his younger opponent with ground-and-pound and a guillotine choke attempt that Horodecki managed to slip out of. This was the decisive final round:

It was the second time the two lightweights faced off in the IFL, the second time that Horodecki walked away with a close decision, and the second time that Palaszewski wasn’t happy about the result. (“I have no idea what I could have done to win a decision against Chris,” he said. “He looks like he was in a car wreck and I look fine.”)


Forrest Griffin To Bang Ice-T’s Wife On Very Special Episode of ‘L&O: SVU’

Set the DVRs, folks: On Thursday, November 20, UFC light-heavyweight Forrest Griffin will make his acting debut on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, as a fighter who becomes a suspect in the death of a teenage girl. Playing the role of his fiancee is none other than Coco, the heavily ass-implanted real-life wife of SVU castmember Ice-T. A preview clip has made it online, and we’ve posted it below. If Griffin’s entire performance is as thrilling as that “I LOVE YOU BABY, WOOOOOO!” line, we’d say Randy Couture better watch his back…

By the way, is Coco wearing an Octagon-shaped necklace? Man, these writers don’t miss a single detail!


“Have a Super Weekend!!!”

…from CagePotato’s #1-ranked Ring Girl, Arianny Celeste of the UFC.


Note: This greeting was not authorized by Arianny. Most likely, she doesn’t care about you or the quality of your weekend. You could spend the next two days hand-washing your sweaters and alphabetizing your dishes, for all she cares.


Possibly ‘Roided Sean Sherk to Keep His UFC Lightweight Title

Steroid Shark

Yahoo! Sports has reported that Sean “Muscle Shark” Sherk — who tested positive for an anabolic steroid in July after his title defense against Hermes Franca at UFC 73 — will remain the UFC’s lightweight champion. Dana White had originally planned to strip Sherk of his title, but changed his mind due to his frustration with the California Athletic Commission. Sherk has denied taking steroids, and appealed his one-year suspension, but had his hearing postponed until November 13 when members of the CAC realized they had not received a 17-page brief that Sherk’s attorney had submitted on his behalf. “The way this whole thing has been handled has been a mess,” White said.

UFC lightweights BJ Penn and Joe Stevenson will fight for an interim title at UFC 80, with the winner potentially facing Sherk after the case is settled. We at CagePotato wish Sean the best in his fight against the California Bureau of Whatever; just because a guy looks like he’s on every steroid under the sun, doesn’t necessarily mean he is. Let’s give the man a fair shake, people.


How To: Kick A Dude In The Face

I never thought there was much technique involved in the soccer kick, but in this clip, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua demonstrates the formerly-legal attack that served him well in his PRIDE career, with his older brother Murilo as his training dummy.

Speaking of Chute Boxe alums, Jose “Pele” Landi-Jons faces Jake “The Juggernaut” Ellenberger in the main event of tomorrow’s Extreme Fighting Challenge 5: Revolution, and the Chute Boxe USA website has some killer videos of Wanderlei Silva fighting in bare-knuckle vale tudo matches.


‘The Ultimate Fighter 7′ Application Available At

Though the featured weight division hasn’t been announced yet, the fighter application for the seventh season of TUF is now online. Be warned that one of the questions in the application is “Have you used any form of steroids in the past year? (PLEASE BE HONEST ALL APPLICANTS WILL BE TESTED!)

Applications are due November 26, so get hustlin’ on your highlight reel


IFL World Grand Prix To Be Broadcast On Network TV

The International Fight League’s World Grand Prix goes down tomorrow in Hoffman Estates, IL, showcasing the top four fighters from their lightweight, welterweight, middleweight and heavyweight divisions, as well as a championship bout between the two best light heavies, Vladdy Matyushenko and Alex Schoenauer. MyNetworkTV will broadcast the first hour of the card live beginning at 8 p.m. CST.

The two fights that are guaranteed to go down in that hour are the light heavyweight match, and a lightweight meeting between undefeated 20-year-old Chris Horodecki of the L.A. Anacondas and Bart Palaszewski of Pat Miletich’s Quad City Silverbacks. Horodecki and Palaszewski fought earlier this year at an IFL event, with Horodecki eking out a split decision despite being dominated by the Silverback in the first round:

Weigh-ins are today at, of all places, B-Dubs. CagePotato strongly recommends the cheeseburger dippers, pulled pork sandwich and Blazin’ sauce.