Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

December, 2007

The Five Most Pathetic Knockouts of All-Time

5. Terry Martin puts up his dukes…sort of
The second round had just started at UFC 54: Boiling Point, when James Irvin went airborne for a flying knee. Terry Martin had battled Irvin for a round already and decided to go all soft and not protect his face. He goes down limp except for his arms, which stay raised in an “I’m not worthy” position. Moments like this should serve more as a warning to never lower your guard for even a second — it’s very likely that you’ll end up on your back looking like a chump.

4. Johnnie Morton thinks he’s playing football
Johnnie Morton was a good receiver in the pros and at USC. But does that translate to the ring? Apparently not. Especially when it appears he’s just trying to go for a weak tackle the entire time. Morton debuted his new career at K-1 Hero’s in June, displaying some of the worst technique and defense seen all year. Bernard Ackah’s nothing special, but he was good enough to see when Morton left himself exposed, and knocked homeboy out in 35 seconds. Don’t quit your day job, Johnnie — oh wait, no one wants you in the NFL these days, either.

3. Matt Lindland KO’s himself slamming Falaniko Vitale
This one went down back at UFC 43: Meltdown, where everyone thought it was just a matter of time before The Law brought Niko down. But nobody expected Lindland to misjudge the turn on the chest-to-chest slam. Lindland gets his head wedged between Niko’s falling melon and the mat, taking himself down for the count. What, A, Loser. We should mention that five months later, Lindland got his revenge and took Vitale out, not that it redeemed the shamefulness of this particular night.


Would You Pay $30 For a Glimpse of Frankie Edgar? The UFC Sure Hopes So…


We’ve only mentioned it briefly before, but you’re probably aware that the UFC is holding a “Nemesis” viewing party tomorrow night at Madison Square Garden, hosted by Matt Serra and featuring appearances by Forrest Griffin and Kenny Florian. Well, things aren’t looking too promising, attendance-wise. It was reported that as of the beginning of this week, only 1,000 of the arena’s 20,000 seats had been sold for the event. Apparently, New York’s fans would rather watch UFC 79 in the comfort of their own homes than have $7 beers spilled on them by loudmouthed idiots. (I know, I don’t understand it either…)

So what does the UFC do to generate some last-minute interest in their party? That’s right — they bring out the big guns. Yesterday, Thomas Gerbasi reported that lightweight sorta-contender Frankie Edgar has been tapped to show up at the Garden, where he will likely take part in the Q&A session before the live broadcast lights up the jumbotrons. In other words, just like at any other NYC hotspot on a Saturday night, both Long Island and New Jersey WILL BE IN FULL FORCE BITCHES!


Chuck Liddell Likes His Chances; Random-Ass BMX Rider Agrees

So, here’s something I’ve noticed while going through the massive pile-up of previews and miscellaneous hype for tomorrow’s UFC 79: Both Chuck Liddell and Wanderlei Silva are convinced that they’re going to win. Which is totally strange, right? Because technically one of them has to lose. But it’s like…ah fuck, I just lost my train of thought.

Anyway, here are two more “Nemesis”-related videos, because you should be thinking about nothing else until tomorrow night. First off, Chuck Liddell’s appearance on ESPN’s Hot List yesterday: There’s nothing you haven’t heard him say before, but it’s worth it just for the moment at the 4:58-remaining mark where Chuck is clearly struggling to remember where he is and why the man in the suit is asking him questions. Still, it’s nowhere near the worst interview that the Iceman has done; whatever the cough syrup equivalent to methadone is, it seems to be working.

And then we have a segment from RawVegasTV, where Stephan Bonnar, Arianny Celeste, and professional BMX rider T.J. Lavin discuss their predictions for UFC 79 — or as the screen graphic calls them, “FIGTH PICKS.” (Speaking of typos, MMAFightline has an awesome one today.) Not sure what makes Lavin qualified to be on the panel — it surely isn’t the energy he brings to the discussion — but the gang gives a unanimous nod to Liddell and St. Pierre, and splits on Sokoudjou/Machida.

Just because every MMA blog has to make an official prediction, we’ll stand by our earlier claim and say that Sokoudjou, Silva and (the long-shot pick) Hughes are going home with victories tomorrow night. That’s right — the option we picked in the current CagePotato poll is sitting comfortably in last place. But we’re prepared to go 0-3, because honestly, who knows?


We Haz a Winnur!


Many thanks to everyone who entered our first caption contest. Unfortunately, there can be only one winner:

“Mmm..screw the belt I want this nice piece of sushi right here.”

See, we knew most of you would pick up on the prison-rape vibe of this one, but referring to Sato as a “piece of sushi”? Well played, sir. So, CagePotato reader who goes by the name of “D Biggles,” shoot us an e-mail with your address and we’ll drop that Ultimate Knockouts DVD in the mail as soon as we get around to it.

As for the runner-up, we should also give recognition to “Jeremy,” for this insightful caption:

“I shaved my balls for this?”

Unfortunately, Jeremy loses points for plagiarizing a t-shirt, but just as “Christ, what an asshole” is a viable caption for every New Yorker cartoon ever drawn, “ISMBFT?” is always a solid option for photo caption contests.

Good work, Potato Nation. We’ll do this again the next time a publicist makes the mistake of sending me a free DVD.


KOs: Just Funny


Good point.

Yarennoka! Late Replacement


Yarennoka! has revealed that Shinya Aoki will now take on Bukyung Jung, a late injury replacement, for the upcoming Monday event. Props to The Fight Network for the report. Gesias Calvancante is still busy licking his wounds after multiple surgeries and couldn’t properly prepare for the fight, so Jung is stepping in.

Matt Hughes Lives In Soap Opera

Made in America

MMA autobiographies are all the rage these days and “Matt Hughes – Made in America” is set to be released by Simon & Schuster on January 7th. The Sun has been providing us with daily sneaks and today’s is particularly soaked with soap opera bitchiness.
“Tim Sylvia walked over to me during practice. His back was hunched a bit, like Pat’s is, but Pat I could look in the face. ‘Can I talk to you a second?’ he asked.
“Sure thing.” He led me into an office and we sat down on two chairs.
“No one here’s got a problem with me except you,” he began.“When I first started, Jens would say I’m a fat piece of s*** who’s never going to amount to anything, and he’d get me crying, but now even Jens likes me. Is there a problem?”

IFO Version of Kimbo Slice Coming in 08


MMA Weekly had a sit down with John “Ski” Stachofsky, the General Manager & Vice President of Steele Cage Promotions. While the jury might still be out on the start-up IFO, Ski has some intriguing things to say about what’s going to go down in 2008.

“I am extremely excited for next season; we have some amazing fighters from different parts of the world that people aren’t familiar with in the states yet – our own version of Kimbo Slice, some production things both for the live audience and then some neat things for the television fans as well. What we will be doing will completely blow away any other experience MMA fans have had, guaranteed!”

Okay, the dude’s a promoter and looks the part right down to his white suits and shades. But I wanna buy what he’s selling. He may be – and probably is – bullshitting us, but he’s got me all giddy at the prospect of another Kimbo roaming the streets out there. Plus, this “production stuff”, as he so eloquently put it, has got my mind racing. We’re thinking elbow cams and 3-D would be pretty sweet.

Is MMA Like a Beauty Salon?

Dana WhiteThe Los Angeles Times has a good piece today on Dana White’s continuing love with money. Not to beat a dead horse – as we’ve been quite vocal about the uneven pay structure within most fight organizations – but it’s pretty damn cool to see The Times giving some attention to the tension Baldy has created by defending his undefendable position. Saying shit like:

“We’re running a business here. This is not ‘Fantasy Island’….”MMA is like a beauty salon, with all these [fighters] sitting around talking about what they’re not getting.”

Lex Luthor’s twin goes on to say a bunch of other dumbass things, like how he’s the reason any of the fighters are successful, most of them are happy, Randy and Tito are dicks, blah, bah, blah. We’ve heard all this, but it gets more sickening when the actual figures are broken down.Of course, Randy Couture is featured prominently throughout the article and there are some good Tito Ortiz quotes.

“We’ve had to put our lives on the line, and now that we’ve seen the UFC making its money back — and more — we’re asking, ‘Where’s the money?’” Ortiz said. “Dana’s famous words are, ‘I’m going to make you the biggest superstar in the world,’ but they make great [dollar] numbers on their video games, merchandising, and DVDs of us fighting, and the fighters get none of it.”

The boxing world weighs in, too.

Boxing promoter Dan Goossen said the MMA fighters’ gripes are no different from the sometimes contentious labor negotiations in other sports.”Success brings headaches,” Goossen said.”MMA/UFC is just starting to feel the repercussions of its success. . . . You wouldn’t be having these arguments if the UFC was not so successful in its promotion.”

Sure, Dana is a promoter and marketer, and yes, he got the UFC off to the races. But palm the guys a little extra fucking scratch who are the reason the sport has made you a gazillionaire. But, I digress…Keep it coming LA Times.


UFC vs. New England Patriots

Tom Brady

Well, it seems the NFL has had a change of heart about the NFL Network afterall.  Maybe it’s really for the fans, or maybe it’s the league’s love affair with Tom Brady and the Patriots, but we think it’s a conspiracy to keep MMA out of the mainstream. League Commissioner Roger Goodell made his ass-kissing statement yesterday that for the first time ever, an NFL game would be simultaneously broadcast on two networks, CBS and NBC. And for the less than 40 percent of fans that get the NFL Network, that’ll give them three options where to tune in. And in local markets around New York and Boston, local channels will give viewers a ridiculous four options. NFL fans are thrilled as pigs in shit – no offense to pigs. MMA fans, not so thrilled.
How does this hurt MMA so much, specifically the UFC? Check out the times. The Patriots-Giants game will be at 8:15 pm EST. UFC 79: Nemesis at 10 pm EST. By the time the UFC kicks off their broadcast, the soon-to-be 16 – 0 Patriots will be rolling into the second half and towards history. We’re not worried about die-hard MMA fans switching allegiances for one night just to watch the Giants get their asses kicked. We’re more worried about the posers out there that might prefer to get their entertainment for free this Saturday. Not to mention the IFL World Grand Prix will air live on HDNet starting at 9:30 pm EST on the same night. It’ll be the first IFL event on Mark Cuban’s channel and he’s promoting the hell out of it. The night includes the rematch between Chris Horodecki and Shad Lierley, plus the curtain lifting on the IFL featherweight division.
Will a free broadcast of the event split the votes between the IFL and the UFC? We hate to say it, but it’s likely. And with highlights and bouts being rebroadcast for free at a later date, some fans might decide to wait. We’re of the mind that we get everyone we know to cowboy up and get UFC 79 on PPV, Tivo HDNet and read about the Patriots game in the paper. That way, we all win. Screw the NFL and their mainstreamness.
And for an extra helping of kick ass viewing, remember Spike TV will air their countdown to UFC 79: Nemesis at 6:30 pm EST.