(That poor, poor woman.)

The Maine-iac on Sherdog’s Savage Dog Show:

“I’ve had sex before with the belt on. That was back in the Ricco Rodriguez days. The night I won the belt I had a sexual experience with the belt on. But hey, I was 25 years old and it was the biggest thing that ever had happened to me in my life. The girl was like hey, are you going to take that thing off. And I said no, I’m not…I’m wearing it and if you have a problem with it, then I’m leaving. And I hate to say it, but if I do win the belt again, then this time it’s never coming off. I’m going to wear it a lot more.”

You hear that, ladies who might consider sleeping with Tim Sylvia? He will bang you with his belt on. That’s a promise. As if sex with Tim wasn’t an awful enough experience, with his grating New England accent and his loose stomach that even steroids couldn’t shore up, he will let you know, at every possible moment, who the champ is.

We cannot allow this to happen again. If you have a daughter, a sister — if you have a mother — you need to know what’s at stake here. So this Saturday, we urge you to pray to your Higher Power for a victory by Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (he’s the guy that Tim will be fighting at UFC 81; I know we haven’t talked about him much, sorry). If you want to pray that Tim Sylvia stops having “sexual experiences” altogether, that’s cool too.

If you’re not convinced, just imagine Tim Sylvia taking a dump, totally naked except for his UFC belt and reading an old copy of Field and Stream. Maybe now you’ll start to appreciate the enormity of the situation…

I just came across this video from Brock’s WWE days, where he demonstrates a few of the exercises responsible for his behemoth-like build and athleticism. In particular, watch how he picks up that 180-pound log like it’s a toothpick. Though his technique on the heavy bag may be questionable, he certainly makes up for it in sheer aggression.

Of course, Brock’s physical abilities once convinced him that he could land a shooting star press from 20 feet away. But as long he avoids this sort of thing on Saturday night, he’ll be fine:

(Meyrowitz is giving MMA another go.)

We already gave you the heads up about UFC founder Bob Meyrowitz’s plans to step back into the MMA business. And now the details are here thanks to a press release sent out this morning.

YAMMA Pit Fighting is the name of the new organization and they’re promising a “unique approach” to their MMA events. Intriguing for sure, but as we said already, is yet another MMA organization good for the sport? Especially one from a guy that ran his first organization off the tracks? Regardless, it’s going to happen – unless Yamma goes all WCO on us. Appears Meyrowitz’s new joint will be throwing a few events for Pay-per-View, with the debut event kicking off in Atlantic City on April 11th of this year.

Check out some of the press release:

Los Angeles, January 29, 2008 – Ultimate Fighting Championship founder Bob Meyrowitz and his company Rope Partners today announced the formation of a brand new mixed martial arts (MMA) league, YAMMA Pit Fighting (YPF). Continuing in his role as a trailblazer in MMA, Meyrowitz and YPF will take a unique approach to the sport by reviving the Tournament fighting format and unveiling a new fighting surface that promises to revolutionize the traditional MMA approach.

Trailblazer is a strong word. Someone who initially had good ideas and the gumption to keep the sport going after being banned in 48 states, but didn’t have the long-term vision to carry it past its rough years – thus kicking your own company in the balls – that would be a better term. Whatever term that might be.

(Would you rather have the girl or the car?)

Model and former UFC Octagon Girl Amber Nichole Miller is currently involved in a contest to be a cover-girl for 944 Magazine. We don’t quite understand it, but if you’re an Amber fan you should click here, sign up, and help her out with a vote. By the way, if you’re wondering why Amber decided to leave the UFC, there might be a scandalous story behind it. Drama! Check out more pics of Amber after the jump, and get to know her better at her MySpace page.

(And now it’s dead.)

After only four events, all held last year in Las Vegas, the International Fighting Organization (IFO) has thrown in the towel. Co-owner/CEO Steve Oshins said he plans to sell the company’s assets to another organization:

“I have an extremely successful law firm, and running the IFO was too time consuming for me. I decided to work in a much more limited capacity with another prominent organization.”

Translation: “Why am I wasting my time on this unprofitable bullshit? This is affecting my billable hours!”

The IFO’s Vice President John Stachofsky will also be working with the mysterious “prominent organization”:

“We cannot comment at this time, because we have something in the works that will be announced in the next few weeks. It’s going to be big, and it’s going to be better,” Stachofsky said.

Our guess is that the IFO’s assets will be sold to a larger MMA company in the habit of buying out smaller promotions, most likely EliteXC, which picked up King of the Cage, Rumble on the Rock, and Cage Rage last year. For a local MMA league without a TV deal or a name big enough to generate significant revenue from merchandising and licensing, being bought out by a large corporate entity is the best-case scenario. Other outfits aren’t as lucky.

“It wasn’t a kick, it was a step” — awww, how adorable! Of course, if it was Wolf on the platform, there would be no sheepish avoidance of guilt. The dude would be like, “Hell yeah I kicked you in your fool head, that’s what happens when you step into the Wolf’s Den, ahhWOOOOOOOOOO!” Anyway, let’s hope Gina tries to use that excuse after soccer-kicking a downed opponent in her next MMA match…

(Props: 5 Oz. O’Pain)

(Got your attention? Good…read on.)

Since our earlier report, more fighters have been added to the seventh season of The Ultimate Fighter. It’s now being reported that a Mississippi dude has been picked to step into the TUF 7 cage. Jeremiah Riggs is 1-0 as a pro, soooooo there’s not too much we can know about him yet.

The fighter used to be a sheriff’s deputy and fought in Alabama as an amateur. His pro debut was back in September, where he beat Craig Sjoerdsma via submission (on strikes). MMA Junkie had this to say:

Although he’s had little professional experience, Riggs has sought out some quality training. A source close to Riggs told us that the fighter recently spent some time in California training with Strikeforce world middleweight champ Frank Shamrock. Riggs was set to become part of the San Jose Razorclaws — an International Fight League team coached by Shamrock — but after never winning a team matchup, the IFL disbanded the team after the 2007 fight season.

As for his personality, “Jeremiah’s just a freakin’ crazy country boy,” we’re told.

Just can’t wait to have another “freakin’ crazy country boy” among us – especially one actually from the south. Other TUF 7 additions being reported, are:

(Lesnar, pre penis tattoo.)

“If Brock Lesnar can back up all the things he’s saying, he might become the biggest star in mixed martial arts.”
–Dana White

Good God, the build-up to Brock Lesnar stepping into the cage this weekend at UFC 81 can only be likened to the feeling of downing three cans of refried beans with a twelve pack of Arrogant Bastard – then not being allowed access to the john. We’ve touched on this and have totally expected it, but when it’s actually here – it’s still a little overwhelming. Everywhere you turn, there is a Lesnar story, update, quote, picture of him scowling or a link to a new video. As if we couldn’t see enough of his penis tattoo…

As expected, the UFC is pushing the Brock drug on their site – they even print it twice on the page in case you have trouble reading it the first time:

UFC All Access: Brock Lesnar hosted by Rachelle Leah
Go behind the scenes to see how the former WWE star Brock Lesnar gets ready for a real battle against Frank Mir in his first fight in the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

The show’s premiere is this Thursday (January 31st) at midnight on Spike TV. It will show again on Saturday (February 2nd) at 10 a.m. and 5:30 p.m. MMA Junkie also had a piece about the show. But wait…there’s more Lesnar for you pro-wrestling, NFL-hating fans. Bloody Elbow’s Luke Thomas has a good description of Lesnar’s abilities – or what we kinda’ know about them, at least via this video:

1. His striking is god awful. He has good power (I think), but this video clearly shows his rudimentary footwork and awkward guard position. People don’t realize it, but the stand-up game is incredibly complicated and takes a long time to master. 2+ years isn’t enough, not even for an athlete of Lesnar’s caliber.

2. He does look to pass the guard. This is a good sign for Lesnar. He’s not content to sit in guard. He actively works for better positioning once the fight hits the floor, a tactic that could easily overwhelm Mir if he’s not careful.

3. His wrestling is fantastic. We already knew this, but his reflexes in catching Kim’s kick and immediate knee-tap takedown are impressive.

4. He is aggressive from the outset. Expect Lesnar to close the distance on Mir very quickly and look to put him away with every punch or pass.

Beyond this, it’s hard to say anything else. We don’t know about his gas tank and we don’t know about his submission defense. I’m sure he’s working at break neck speed to bring those up to par, but until we’ve had a chance to evaluate them, they are unknowns. But all that and more could change Saturday.

Ryan Shamrock’s opponent for his second professional MMA fight has been announced; the emaciated 19-year-old progeny of the “World’s Most Dangerous Man” will face Giorgio Andrews on the undercard of Cage Rage 25, which is headlined by a match between his father Ken and Robert Berry. Andrews is 2-0 professionally, with both of his wins coming via first-round stoppage.

Here’s the video of Ryan Shamrock’s pro debut, a bantamweight match against Josh Besneatte last August which resulted in a first-round submission win. Shamrock starts things off with an unexpected body slam, and shows impressive movement on the ground before ending Besneatte’s night with a Swickitine (the action starts at the 2:15 mark):

(Yushin Okami after wrecking Rory Singer.)

Although we reported earlier that a matchup between middleweight contender Yushin Okami and UFC prodigal son Evan Tanner would go down at UFC 84, various reports have confirmed that the fight has been booked for the main card of UFC 82: “Pride of a Champion” instead. Scheduled for March 1st in Columbus, Ohio, “PoaC” is already so stacked that big names like Diego Sanchez, Josh Koscheck, and Andrei Arlovski may wind up on the untelevised undercard. (Sticking Arlovski on the undercard would be more out of punishment than necessity, but that’s another story.)

Clearly destined for UFC 82′s undercard is a fight between Chris Leben and Alessio Sakara, which was confirmed today by Sam Caplan. Chris Leben is best known for urinating on Jason Thacker’s bed during the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, losing to Josh Koscheck and Kenny Florian on the show, and getting destroyed by Anderson Silva in the Spider’s UFC debut. His last match was a knockout win over Terry Martin at UFC Fight Night 11 last September. Sakara’s last fight was nine days ago at UFC 80, where he beat down James Lee in the first round, and this will be his first fight as a middleweight. (Ed. note: Dropping a weight class with only a month and a half between fights? Hmm.) We’re not sold on either of these guys, but putting two relatively unskilled fighters against each other often results in a “Knockout of the Night,” so we’ll reserve our bitterness for now.

On a related note, MMA Fightline is floating a rumor that UFC 83 — which was originally scheduled to go down March 8th in Manchester, England, before other reports began to claim that it would be held elsewhere — has been canceled altogether. Though it always seemed strange that the UFC would hold two major events only a week apart, no official reason for the cancellation has been announced yet. If this report turns out to be true, scheduled fights between Michael Bisping and Charles McCarthy, and Houston Alexander vs. James Irvin would be moved to other UFC events. You’ll know more when we do.

In honor of Jake Shields’s upcoming title shot, we’d like to present his first EliteXC fight, which went down at EliteXC: Uprising on 9/15/07 against Renato Verissimo. After the announcer kicks things off with the most unexpected Reginald Kenneth Dwight reference we’ve ever heard, the fight goes to to the ground quickly, where Shields methodically works for the full mount. Unfortunately for Verissimo, Mario “Painfully Late Stoppage” Yamasaki is reffing the match…

(“Luke Zachrich, Come on Down!”)

More fighters are being rumored as contestants for The Ultimate Fighter 7.

It was already reported that Luke Zachrich and Mike Marrello will be contestants on the show, and now it looks like they’ll be joined by Prince Mclean, Steve Byrnes, C.B. Dollaway, Aaron Meisner, and Matt Brown.

Mike Marrello is a Chicago middleweight with a record of 6-1-1. He has fought for the Xtreme Fighting Organization and King of the Cage, with his loss coming at the hands of Terry Davinney via kimura. Davinney has since lost three in a row. Mike Marrello is also a former Marine and joins Cincinnati-bred Luke Zachrich on the show, who is 7-1. Luke has also fought for King of the Cage and Xtreme Fighting Organization. A Dan Severn-trained fighter, Zachrich’s only loss was to Danny Ruiz via a first round armbar.

Aaron Meisner is out of Philly and is undefeated in his three pro fights – all by KO or TKO. He last fought at Extreme Challenge 78. Also reportedly joining the middleweights will be Prince Mclean and his 4-5 record. Like Luke Zachrich, he’s based in Cincy. But unlike Luke, he’s lost five straight and has proven injury prone. He is an interesting selection for the show, since he’s more on a downward spiral and not on the rise. This one is worth keeping an eye on.

C.B. Dollaway, who is 6-0 and has been impressive, will also be stepping before cameras for the show. He was a kick-ass wrestler in college and has improved his striking with every match. He’s out of Arizona and has fought with HDNet Fights, Rage in the Cage and the IFO. His debut featured a TKO slam 17 seconds into the bout.

Great news, Potato Nation: The generous and attractive people at Dutton Books are hooking us up with ten autographed copies of Chuck Liddell’s intense new memoir, Iceman: My Fighting Life, and rather than keep them all to ourselves, we’ve decided to give them away in a weekly caption contest. Check out the photo below — the two CagePotato readers who come up with the best/funniest captions will each get a book. Submit your entries in the comments section and check back on Friday to see who won. Then swing by next Monday as we do it all over again…

UPDATE: The results are in!

(Jake Shields, workin’ them pads.)

It was confirmed today that the March 29th EliteXC/Strikeforce event featuring Frank Shamrock’s fight against Cung Le will also host another high-profile match — Jake Shields and Drew Fickett will meet to decide EliteXC’s first-ever welterweight championship. Ranked #6 on our list of the top 10 welterweights in the world, Jake Shields is a former Shooto welterweight champ who has defeated the likes of Yushin Okami and Carlos Condit during his current nine-fight win streak; his last two fights were for EliteXC, and resulted in first-round wins by stoppage. Drew Fickett is a veteran of Rage in the Cage and the UFC, and complied a 4-2 record in the Octagon including a win over Josh Koscheck. Fickett has never fought for EliteXC before, but he’s won his last three matches since losing to Karo Parisyan by decision at UFC Fight Night 7 in December 2006.

The welterweight championship will be the third divisional belt awarded by EliteXC since its inaugural event in February of last year. The organization crowned Murilo “Ninja” Rua its first middleweight champ on 6/22/07 with his defeat of Joey Villasenor, but Robbie Lawler took the title three months later with his TKO of Rua at EliteXC: Uprising. KJ Noons became EliteXC’s first lightweight champion at the “Renegade” event on 11/10/07 when Nick Diaz’s eyelids tore apart and the fight had to be stopped. We’ll make a wild projection here and say that Jake Shields will be joining their ranks in March — and for the record, we’re fairly certain that Frank Shamrock will use his enormous ground-fighting advantage to put away Cung Le and retain his Strikeforce middleweight belt in the show’s main event.

Jenna Jameson threw Tito Ortiz a surprise 33rd birthday party at the Las Vegas club CatHouse on Friday night, and RawVegas.tv‘s cameras were there. Check out the clip below, which reveals the following:

— An eerily reserved Mike Tyson says he’s finished with fighting.
— Troy “Rude Boy” Mandaloniz thinks Frank Mir will beat Brock Lesnar at UFC 81, but Ortiz is calling it for Brock by stoppage in the second round.
— When asked if he’ll make it to the finals on Celebrity Apprentice, the HBBB gives a long, meandering answer that culminates in “I lasted a long time.” Eh, we saw that coming.
— The UFC treats Ortiz “like shit.”
— Jameson revealed that her and Ortiz are trying to have kids (!), who Ortiz thinks will be “beautiful” (!!).
— Kendall Grove is officially going to be a father. “My shit works,” he says, drunk as hell.
— When Jenna is dancing on stage, people tend to forget about Tito.

(After hours at Team Punishment.)

Bad news for mixed martial artists who’ve figured out that if you stop using steroids at a certain point before your fight, you’ll test negative — the Nevada State Athletic Commission has announced that it will begin random steroid and drug testing for all licensed fighters as well as fighters applying for licenses. As the article explains:

Selection of licensees for testing will be made in one of three ways:
1. Fighters may be randomly chosen for testing.
2. If there is some indication that a fighter is taking a non-approved substance, they may be tested.
3. If a fighter has previously tested positive for using a non-approved substance, they may be tested.

A fighter chosen for testing will be contacted by the Commission directly and given details on the ordering of the test and the timeframe within which testing must occur…If the test is not completed within the designated timeframe or if a fighter fails the test, the Commission may refuse to license the fighter, it may not allow the fighter to compete, and/or the fighter may be subject to disciplinary action.

In other words, steroids are no longer going to be MMA’s dirty little secret; if you look like you’re juicing (see #2), you will be tested, and most likely busted. As it represents another step toward MMA’s legitimacy in the eyes of the general public, we’re all for random testing, invasive as it might be. And we hope every fighter gets this memo, or else we’ll start seeing dozens of them go down in flames. However, for those who’ve relied on chemicals to reach their level of physicality, it may not be easy to just drop the ‘roids altogether. It’s like when Dateline NBC’s “To Catch a Predator” series started picking up guys who’d actually seen the show — the threat of public humiliation and imprisonment wasn’t enough of a deterrent for those sexual predators to change their habitual behavior.

Hmm…I’m not sure if that metaphor worked, but basically what I’m trying to say is, Bruce Buffer is a pedophile.

Last night’s ShoXC Elite Challenger Series event didn’t produce much to get the heart rate above it’s normal lounging mode. Eddie Alvarez and Paul “Semtex” Daley were the main attractions for the Atlantic City, New Jersey show. They took on Ross Ebanez and Sam Morgan, respectively.

Alvarez had a large number of his Philly peeps in attendance as he worked over Ebanez with well-rounded precision. After a false alarm by the ringside med team, Alvarez finished off his opponent in the second round. The win took Alvarez to 12-1, the lone blemish on his record put there courtesy of Nick “The Goat” Thompson. Ross Ebanez dropped to 16-6.

Paul Daley’s bout went a little differently as Sam Morgan took him down a couple of times early in the fight. However, “Semtex” got back to his feet and the tide started to turn – and fast. A monster right elbow from Daley KO’d Morgan to a 19-10 record. “Semtex” took his record to 17-6-2 and afterwards guaranteed he would beat Alvarez – if/when they fight.

Oh yeah, and two chicks fought – which is always cool. Tonya Evinger trained with Ken Shamrock for almost two months before Friday’s fight with Julie Kedzie, who she wrapped up in a rear-naked choke early in the first round for her sixth win in nine fights. No word if Ryan Shamrock sparred with her.

Complete results:

-Eddie Alvarez over Ross Ebanez via TKO on strikes – Rd 2 (2:32)
-Paul Daley over Sammy Morgan via elbow strike KO – Rd 1 (2:12)
-Bao Quach over Bobby McMaster via unanimous decision
-Tonya Evinger over Julie Kedzie via rear-naked choke submission – Rd 1 (1:43)
-Kala Kolohe Hose over Frederic Belleton via KO (punch) – Rd 1 (4:32)
-Charlie Brenneman over Drew Puzon via split decision
-Wilson Reis over Zach Makovsky via side choke submission – Rd 2 (1:15)
-James Jones over Mark Getto via kimura submission – Rd 1 (1:12)
-Brett Linebarger over Sergio Vinagre via punch KO – Rd 3 (2:29)
-Matt Makowski over Joe Schilling via rear-naked choke submission – Rd 1 (4:01)

(Props to Fightlinker for the zoom on Stevenson’s red geyser.)

Joe Stevenson recently chatted with FightHype about his uber-bloody loss (via submission to BJ Penn) at last weekend’s UFC 80. When asked how he thought he did, Joe Daddy had this to say:

I think I did good. I just got cut. I think it was getting better and better for me and sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you.

Or sometimes the bear just kicks your ass. And shame on all of you who thought Joe Daddy was crying like Bob Sapp after the loss. Here’s what he has to say to you:

I saw the tape and it looked like I was crying, but I had something in my eye…my blood (laughing).

I know every time something gets in my eye, I look like an eight-year-old who just witnessed his dog getting hit by a car. Come on! Admit you were crying! We believe you weren’t crying as much as we believe when you said the elbow from BJ “didn’t hurt”.

Regardless if he’s a crier or not, Joe Daddy seems to have gained even more fans and support on the MMA message boards since his showing against “The Prodigy”. Frank Trigg has even said Joe Daddy is the second best lightweight after Penn. Thanks for weighing-in “Twinkle Toes”, you’ve obviously been swimming in bourbon.

— Randy and Fedor finally faced off…and couldn’t have been more courteous!

— The UFC continued to announce fights like the world was about to end.

— Jason “Mayhem” Miller gave us some insight on psycho fight-groupie skanks.

— Xyience went tits-up.

— From palm-trees to cock-swords, we counted down the worst ink in MMA.

— The IFL named Bas Rutten as their new Vice President in Charge of Liver-Punches.

— Mike Goldberg reached a new level of stupidity during Ultimate Fight Night 12.

— One incredible matchup was rumored, while another was officially booked.

— We talked to both sides of Bodog Fight’s upcoming welterweight championship match.

— Affliction may be starting their own MMA league. In response, the UFC has decided to go with the scorched-earth approach.

— Most importantly of all, we debuted our POWER RANKINGS!!! You can leave comments on the page now, so let us know how you feel. Remember: “These rankings suck” is not constructive criticism…

(Dong Hyun Kim could soon be scrapping with the likes of Mike Swick and Marcus Davis. Photo courtesy of MMAWeekly.com.)

Most American MMA fans may be unfamiliar with the UFC’s two most recent hires, but both men look poised to punch a hole in their competition. First up is Rousimar Palhares, a Brazilian Top Team member who the UFC just signed to add some spark to their middling middleweight division. Palhares has a 7-1 record, with six of those wins coming via first-round stoppage (mostly submissions), and he won the Fury FC middleweight Grand Prix last month with swift victories over Fabio Negao and Daniel Acacio. Check out this video of his fight with Negao, and the acrobatic leg-lock he finishes the match with at the video’s 3:49 mark:

Joining the UFC’s relatively crowded welterweight division will be Dong Hyun Kim, an undefeated Korean fighter who holds wins over Hidehiko Hasegawa, Hidenobo Koike, and Yukiharu Maejima in the DEEP organization. Five of Kim’s eight wins have come by KO/TKO, including this first-round mauling of Kousei Kubota, who asked for the punishment by stomping on Kim’s feet with shoes on:

So, the dude can bang. Look for Kim to make his first Octagon appearance as early as March.

We mentioned this one yesterday. Here’s Aoki’s dismantling of Hansen at PRIDE Shockwave 2006 (12/31/06), and though Aoki’s rainbow stretch-pants are ridiculous, his skills are no joke. Check out his Penn-like flexibility as he works for the ultra-rare gogoplata submission; in our opinion, there’s only six welterweights in the world who could deal with him…

John Troyer is 8-0 as a professional and trains out of Louisville, KY with coaches Jason (“Y”) Weihe and Colin Cannon. His most impressive performance came last September when he won the middleweight HOOKnSHOOT tournament by defeating three fighters in a row – all in the first round – which put him on the fast track to a BodogFIGHT title shot. That chance comes on February 1st in Las Vegas when Troyer faces Nick “The Goat” Thompson.

Some of Troyer’s opponents have described him as “freakishly strong” and he combines his boxing and wrestling backgrounds to keep his opponents constantly on the defensive. After our interview with “The Goat” earlier this week, his opponent was cool enough to answer some questions for us, too.

1. Do you think HOOKnSHOOT tournaments are tougher than a single bout and how do you prepare differently for them?
Tourney style is much rougher. Very mentally draining. [But] It teaches you to relax and not rush anything. I just tried not to think about it and do what I love to do! I was very prepared. And a little lucky.

2. How do you feel you match up with “The Goat”?
I feel I have the size, strength, and heart to contend. But Thompson is well polished and has a lot of experience. He is very rounded. It will be a rough one.

3. Does his 17-1 record in his last 18 fights intimidate you?
Not intimidated, but I respect it!

4. “The Goat” admits he cries every time he sees Philadelphia. What’s your favorite Tom Hanks film?
Bachelor Party.

MMA Madness has a great interview with Ken Shamrock, where the UFC Hall-of-Famer discusses the IFL, Tito Ortiz, and his upcoming fight at Cage Rage. And just like every other time Ken is given a public forum, he used part of the interview to lash out at Dana White:

Everyone understands that he wants to be the show and if anyone threatens his popularity or strength, whether he’s right or wrong, Dana will go after them. He always says, verbatim, “I’m gonna bury him.” It’s this power thing for him and it’s gonna work for a while because myself, Chuck [Liddell], Tito [Ortiz], Randy [Couture] built this thing up. We gave Dana White the strength to do what he’s doing now but he’s hurting everything that we built. He can’t stop and just admit that this isn’t about him. It’s about the guys who went the distance with the UFC and kept them strong. Dana handles the UFC hall of fame and he inducted me. Even then, he had to be the center of attention. He needs to learn that it’s not about him. He calls fighters out. He calls managers out. Is Dana White a promoter or a fighter? … If you don’t follow Dana’s rules, he’ll pack up his toys and go home and he won’t let you play with his toys anymore. Somewhere along the line, as time goes on, the guys who built this will make him answer to his actions.

We’re also quite fond of this exchange:

MMA Madness: Your son, who is 1-0 in MMA competition, is also fighting at the event. What is more exciting, your comeback or your son’s first mainstream fight?

Ken Shamrock: Definitely my comeback.

Jesus. Can you imagine if Ken Shamrock was your father?

Ken: Let’s get one thing straight, Buster Brown. I’m the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Not you. You’re just the son of the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Is that clear?
Ryan: …
Ken: I built you into what you are today! Without my sperm, and the egg of some lady, you would be nothing.
Ryan: But dad, all I wanted to do was…
Ken: No you may not borrow my body-grease! That’s Ken Shamrock’s body grease! KEN SHAMROCK’S, BODY GREASE! BLAAAAAAUUUUGH!!!!

Total nightmare.

With Tito on Celebrity Apprentice, Ricco on Celebrity Rehab, and Tank on Jimmy Kimmel Live, last night was one big TV party — and we have the couch-sores to prove it. If you had better things to do, we envy you. But here’s what you missed:

The Celebrity Apprentice
The episode began with Tito Ortiz working out and explaining his charity, St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. A nine-year-old girl named Elizabeth with “brittle bone disease” came to meet him and gave him a drawing of a garden. Tito nearly destroyed her with a bear hug. This segment was probably thrown together to make up for the fact that he was basically absent from the rest of the episode, in which Hydra and Empresario battled to sell the most Broadway show tickets. The men sneaked off with a very close win, and Jennie Finch was fired for always taking a back-seat “assistant” role. But Tito was equally under-the-radar in the challenge, and if the men had lost, he might have been in danger of getting kicked off himself.

Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew
Ricco Rodriguez made his first appearance at the treatment facility, checking in for his habitual cocaine use. As he explained, after finding success in the UFC, he discovered cocaine, started going through an 8-ball per day, and was the first “ultimate fighter” to be suspended for coke. His usage also led to domestic disputes with his girlfriend, which once resulted in them both being arrested and their one-year-old son being taken by child protective services. Ricco came off like the classic, freaked-out cokehead on his first day in the facility, visibly nervous when the staff went through his bag, and calling out the staff and the other celebrity addicts for their hostility and rudeness, all of which was in his head. In return, the female residents seemed to find him intolorably arrogant and cocky. We don’t think little Ricco will be making any friends at camp this summer. But the most shocking moment was Ricco’s story about a car accident he was in while under the influence.

Over the last few months, we’ve often been surprised at how petty and short-sighted the UFC can be — but if this rumor is true, it represents a new low for Dana White & Co. According to a report on 5thRound.com, the UFC is trying to block the clothing line Affliction from sponsoring its fighters, due to Affliction apparently trying to start its own MMA organization. From the report:

We are still gathering all of the details about this story, but we have been able to confirm it with a couple of people within the MMA community. From what we’re being told, the UFC is no longer allowing the clothing line Affliction to sponsor its fighters…

The word is that the UFC was not happy about Affliction starting their own fighting organization. We currently aren’t sure if Affliction is partnering up with anybody or if they are going about it by themselves, but that was what we were able to confirm with our sources…

The last fighter to actually wear Affliction during an event was Georges St. Pierre at UFC 79 where he sported Affliction on his tights and gi. If you review UFC 80 and Wednesday’s Ultimate Fight Night: Swick vs. Burkman, you’ll notice that Affliction was noticeably absent from any fighter’s apparel.

Not sure how reputable these sources are, but since there’s more than one of them, we’ll put this in the “possibly true” file for now. What makes it more plausible is Affliction’s association with Randy Couture. Couture’s “Xtreme Couture” t-shirt line is a sub-label of Affliction, and if the UFC was petty enough to forbid the wearing of Xtreme Couture gear during Wanderlei Silva’s UFC All Access shoot, then we’d believe they’d try to exert pressure on his parent company by banning Affliction altogether. Of course, what makes this less plausible is that the UFC’s biggest stars — Chuck Liddell and Georges St. Pierre among them — all rep hard for Affliction. The UFC isn’t crazy enough to damage relationships with their last remaining big names over t-shirts. Are they? We’ll update you when we know more…

MMA Fightline is saying that sources close to M-1 Global have confirmed the following:

…they received an offer from Art Of War to set up a fight between Fedor Emelianenko and Pedro Rizzo. M-1 was uninterested in the offer however and it was promptly rejected. No further details were given as to the reason.

There’s certainly got to be more to this story than a simple turn down. Maybe it’s the actual offer, because it doesn’t seem like M-1 has got something better in its back pocket. Pedro “The Rock” Rizzo is 16-7 and became the Art Of War’s heavyweight division champ back in September via TKO over the musically-challenged and horribly-tattooed Jeff Monson. Since this Couture thing looks miles down the road, The Rock would be a logical fight for Fedor – especially to the pea-brained nay sayers that say he never takes a tough fight.

Former pro wrestler and NFL failure Brock Lesnar will be on a Los Angeles radio morning show tomorrow (Friday, January 25th). The Kevin & Bean Show on 106.7 KROQ will have the phallic tattoo-sporting meathead on the air to promote UFC 81 and talk about his MMA future. Lesnar will be facing Frank Mir in a heavyweight battle on February 2nd at the aforementioned event.

If you aren’t in the L.A.-listening area, you can listen on-line.

For those of you who fall into one of the following categories:

a) I Love Tank Abbott.
b) I Love “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
c) I stay up late to catch whatever is on against Letterman or Leno.
d) I am Kimbo Slice.

…the following is for you.

(FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE)

This just in: The always colorful, entertaining and unpredictable David “Tank” Abbott will be a special guest on the nationally televised Jimmy Kimmel Live show tonight/Thursday at 12:05 a.m. ET/PT on ABC.

Tank (tankabbott.proelite.com), one of the original Mixed Martial Arts bad boys and most ferocious knockout artists in history, will discuss, among other things, his eagerly anticipated, long-awaited grudge fight with Kimbo Slice (kimboslice.proelite.com) set for Saturday, Feb. 16, at the BankUnited Center at the University of Miami on SHOWTIME.

Other guests Thursday will include reality show star Heidi Montague of the “The Hills.”

(Swick’s like “Duuuh” and Burkman’s like “waaaah!”)

Lotta news coming out in the wake of UFN 12. Let’s get to it…

— Nate Diaz was the big money-winner last night, doubling his $15,000 base salary with his submission victory. Patrick Cote was a close second with $28,000 (base x 2), while Mike Swick and Kurt Pellegrino came in third with $20,000 for their wins. The big loser was Joe Veres, who took a $3,000 beating from Corey Hill, although Justin Buchholz, Alberto Crane, and Michihiro Omigawa weren’t far behind. Complete figures are here.

— Eight fighters received medical suspensions after their UFN fights. Headliner Mike Swick received the longest suspension, as his effed-up right hand might sideline him until July 22. By comparison, Kurt Pellegrino’s grisly face-tear will only put him out of action until March 9.

— Following up his mea culpa speech after his decision victory, Mike Swick issued a formal apology to his fans begging forgiveness for his “lackluster” fight. As he explained:

Burkman is strong and I wanted to prove that I could resist his takedowns and strength. I wanted to stuff his takedowns while gassing him then pick him apart on the feet. By the time the 3rd round came I let it get so close that just one takedown could have seen me going home with a loss and so I was more tentitive than I should have been. I tried to look for the one punch knockout over using my usual combinations and flurries and deeply regret it now. Though I looked frail as some put it, I felt really strong at 170. My mistakes were mental.

— And finally, adding to an astoundingly packed card that already includes Kenny Florian vs. Joe Lauzon, Stephan Bonnar vs. Matt Hamill, Karo Parisyan vs. Thiago Alves, Tommy Speer vs. Anthony Johnson, and Marcus Aurelio vs. Spencer Fisher [Ed. note: OMFG], the next UFC Fight Night may also include bouts between Clay Guida and Cage Rage vet Samy Schiavo, and Din Thomas vs. Josh Neer. UFN 13 goes down April 2 in Broomfield, CO, and will be the lead-in to the season premiere of The Ultimate Fighter 7. Let’s hope Dana White doesn’t decide to stick in an “Interim Something-Weight Championship” fight on the card and charge 45 bucks for it.

(Shinya Aoki wraps up Akira Kikuchi during a Shooto championship bout in February 2007.)

Gesias “JZ” Calvancante and Shinya Aoki — who we have ranked as the #2 lightweight and #7 welterweight in the world, respectively — were originally scheduled to face each other at the Yarennoka! card in Japan on New Year’s Eve, but Calvancante had to pull out of the match due to a knee injury sustained during training. Luckily, Calvancante has recovered and the fight has been rescheduled to a K-1 event in March.

Calvancante, a Brazilian-born American Top Team member, has won the K-1 HERO’S Lightweight Grand Prix championship for the last two years, knocking off fighters like Rani Yahya, Caol Uno, and Vitor Ribeiro in the process. His record is 14-1-1, with his only loss coming at the hands of Joachim Hansen in 2004, and his draw coming from a 2005 match with current IFL lightweight champ Ryan Schultz. Shinya Aoki — one of the only fighters in the world whose ground skills may surpass B.J. Penn’s — is Shooto’s current middleweight (167 lbs.) champion. The Japanese fighter’s 12-2 record includes wins over Joachim Hansen, Clay French and Akira Kikuchi (twice).

It’s not clear yet which weight class the match will be fought at, or if this will be an open-weight bout — we’ll update you when we know more.