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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

March, 2008

Shout-Out Thursday: Spreadin’ the Love

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— Our BFFs at Complex just posted an interview with Frankie Edgar, in which “The Answer” discusses entrance music, crotch rockets, being denied by The Ultimate Fighter, and unsanctioned no-holds-barred matches in the Bronx.

— Damon D (of BetUS fame) has a new sports blog called The House of Smack, and it’s kind of amazing. Learn about the relationship between UFC event names and shitty action movies, and then check out this list of balls-out hockey goalie fights.

— Frank Shamrock will be a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live! tomorrow (12:05am ET/PT, 11:05pm CT), hyping up his fight against Cung Le, which will take place the following night. Apparently, Frank will be giving MMA instruction to “Guillermo the Parking Lot Security Guard,” whoever that is. He’s also been droning on at Fightline.com for the last couple days. Where does he find the time to train?

CombatLifestyle‘s Tracy Lee has an amazing set of photos from the WEC 33 afterparty. Doug Marshall doesn’t seem to be taking his loss too hard

— Tomorrow, Tim Sylvia will announce that he’s leaving the UFC and has just booked a fight against Fedor Emelianenko. Well, maybe. If his “big announcement” just has to do with turkey hunting, we’re going to be very disappointed.

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The Eight Most Insane Victory Celebrations of All Time

8. Tito Ortiz’s grave-digger routine

We don’t know how many times Tito must have practiced this thing in the mirror at home — but you have to admit it was pretty badass the first time you saw it. To be figuratively buried under the Octagon is the pinnacle of pwnage.

7. Phil Baroni’s soliloquy
A CagePotato favorite. And we quote: “I’m the best! I’m the best eva! I’m the fuckin’ best! I’m the man! I’m the man! I’m the man! [unintelligible], you’re next! I’m the man! I’m the best eva! Eva! I’m the man! Yeaaaaahhh! Yeaaaahhhh! I’m the best! I told you.”

(tie) 6. B.J. Penn can’t stop kissing Matt Hughes

We could have sworn smooching was outlawed back at UFC 15, along with headbutting, small-joint manipulation and hair-pulling. But nevertheless, B.J. Penn leaned over and planted a big wet one on Matt Hughes after stealing his welterweight belt at UFC 46, then did it again once Hughes was able to get to his feet. As a repressed Christian farmboy, the incident may have brought up some latent desires in Matt that he wasn’t quite ready to deal with.

(tie) 6. “B.J. Penn is leaving the building!”
Sometimes you get overwhelmed with emotion; sometimes you just really need to take a dump.

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Joe Lauzon: The Accidental Star

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By CagePotato Guest Contributor Brian Knapp

What began as innocent play-acting between friends on a backyard trampoline evolved into an unlikely career for Joe Lauzon — an information technology specialist by trade, a mixed martial artist by choice. Never in his wildest dreams could Lauzon have envisioned the path he has taken.

“It happened by accident,” Lauzon says. “We’d been power bombing and choke slamming each other on a trampoline, and it eventually turned into a grappling match to see who could stop who. A couple of my friends started training in jiu-jitsu, and the next thing I know, I’m getting triangle choked every two minutes.”

His competitive interest piqued, Lauzon decided to train, too, and through that seemingly insignificant decision, the Brockton, Mass., native charted a new course.

“I was like, ‘enough of this,’ and I started training jiu-jitsu,” he says. “And when my friends started fighting, I started fighting. A couple of years ago, I never would have thought I’d be on a billboard in Times Square.”

Lauzon has covered great distance in a short time, emerging as a top prospect inside one of the UFC’s deepest divisions. He will tackle Kenny Florian in the main event at UFC Fight Night 13 next Wednesday, April 2 at the Broomfield Event Center in Broomfield, Colo. And right now, Lauzon’s stock has never been higher.

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Sakuraba’s Miracle: Scab Heals!


(Just throw a band-aid on it.)

Remember when Kazushi Sakuraba said “a small scab” on his leg was the reason he would not be participating in DREAM 2′s Middleweight Grand Prix? Well, the scab has been touched by an angel — or maybe he just decided to cowboy up — because Nightmare of Battle is listing three match-ups that have been announced for the GP, including one between Sakuraba and newbie Andrews Nakahara. The other two fights will see Kiyoshi Tamura versus Masakatsu Funaki and Denis Kang versus Gegard Mousasi.

Here’s the scoop on Andrews Nakahara: he’s a 24-year-old Kyokushin Karate fighter, but there is no MMA record for him yet. He was born in Brazil, is six feet tall, and likes intimate dinner conversation. He has done well for himself in Karate tournaments, according to Kyokushin4Life:

– All American Open Karate Championships 2007 (IKO-1) – 2nd Place
– All American Open Karate Championships 2006 (IKO-1) – 1st Place
– All American Open Karate Championships 2005 (IKO-1) – 2nd Place
– All American Open Karate Championships 2004 (IKO-1) – 7th Place
– 3rd World Weight Category Championships 2005 (IKO-1) – 1st Place
– 6th South American Karate Tournament 2004 (IKO-1) – 1st Place
– Brazilian Open 2004 (IKO-1) – 2nd Place
– South American Open 2005 (IKO-1) – 1st Place

How well all this may translate to a fight with an MMA vet like Sakuraba remains to be seen. Little else is known about Nak, so who knows how extensive his wrestling and ground work has been. Oh, and if you’re the sort that likes cruising around the websites of various dojos, go here to visit Nakahara’s dojo.

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Diaz Pulled From Strikeforce Show; Weed to Blame?

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(Don’t bother Nick before his morning bong rip.)

The California State Athletic Commission determined Wednesday that Nick Diaz will not be cleared to fight Jae Suk Lim at Saturday’s Strikeforce/EliteXC event. Though CSAC executive officer Armando Garcia claims that Diaz’s medical information wasn’t submitted in time for the fight, Gary Shaw refutes this: “He never mentioned anything about late medicals,” said Shaw. “And if there were late medicals it wasn’t because of Nick Diaz and it wasn’t because of EliteXC.”

Diaz underwent the medical tests required to renew his California fight license on March 10th, and noted his prescription for medical marijuana at the time; this controversial element may be at the heart of the dispute. Said Diaz’s manager Cesar Gracie:

“Nick is a naturalist by heart. He thinks Ritalin is an amphetamine. He thinks that’s really bad for you. People with ADD are kind of hyper, so he has trouble sleeping. He got the medical marijuana card and he takes his pot to go to sleep and be more focused. It’s completely legal in California. Voters voted it in. The commission is actually supposed to obey that, so this will probably open up a legal case…If they’re not even going to allow him to test clean, that doesn’t make sense. That’s overstepping their boundaries.”

Steroids actually help my E.D., but I wouldn’t expect the CSAC to bend their rules just because I have a note from my doctor. According to EliteXC Vice President Jared Shaw, Diaz will return to action on June 14 in Hawaii. As for Saturday, Lim will now fight Drew Fickett, who was also left opponent-less after Jake Shields injured his back. The lineup, as it stands now:

Main Card:
Frank Shamrock vs. Cung Le (for Strikeforce middleweight title)
Gilbert Melendez vs. Gabe Lemley (for Strikeforce lightweight title)
Drew Fickett vs. Jae Suk Lim
Mike Kyle vs. Wayne Cole
Joey Villasenor vs. Ryan Jensen

Undercard:
Luke Stewart vs. Tiki Ghosn
Jesse Jones vs. Jesse Gillespie
Darren Uyenoyama vs. Anthony Figueroa

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Marshall Gets Caught, Sonnen Dominates at WEC

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(Sergio Gomez swings at Rich Crunkilton in the goriest fight of the night. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Doug Marshall’s light-heavyweight belt ended up around another guy’s waist last night, as Brian Stann got the better of the Rhino in a brief but wild brawl at WEC 33. Marshall took it to the Marine early and seemed to have him in trouble after landing some power punches, but in the midst of the barrage Stann fired off a left hook that connected perfectly, sending Marshall to the mat. Stann threw up his hands in victory before realizing the fight hadn’t been stopped yet; after Stann landed a couple of finishing blows from the top, Herb Dean stepped in and called the match at the 1:35 mark. Afterwards, an emotional Stann told the crowd, “All my Marines came with me in this ring. You’re all here. This belt represents all of my Marines that were with me, that couldn’t be here, that died in combat with me.” The win brings Stann’s record to 6-0, with all six of his victories coming via first-round TKO.

Chael Sonnen was also dominant in his match with Bryan Baker, spending most of the fight brutalizing Baker with ground-and-pound, and scoring some dramatic takedowns. Though Sonnen wasn’t able to earn a victory by stoppage, the judges’ scores reflected how lopsided the action was: 30-26, 30-25, and 30-25.

Also notable was the three-round war between Richard Crunkilton Jr. and Sergio Gomez. An elbow from Crunkilton slashed the back of Gomez’s head in the first round, opening a gash that spit blood for the remainder of the fight. Though Gomez had his moments during the standup exchanges, Crunkilton’s takedowns, GnP, and submission attempts were too much for Gomez to handle, and the judges awarded Crunkilton a unanimous decision.

Full results are below…

— Brian Stann def. Doug Marshall via TKO, 1:35 of round 1
— Chael Sonnen def. Bryan Baker via unanimous decision
— Marcus Hicks def. Ed Ratcliff via submission (guillotine choke) at 1:42 of round 1
— Steve Cantwell def. Tim McKenzie via submission (rear naked choke) at 2:13 of round 1
— Hiromitsu Miura def. Blas Avena via TKO at 2:35 of round 1
— Brock Larson def. John Alessio via disqualification (illegal knee) at 1:50 of round 1
— Rich Crunkilton def. Sergio Gomez via unanimous decision
— Alex Serdyukov def. Ryan Stonitsch via submission (triangle choke) at 1:35 of round 1
— Kenji Osawa and Chris Manuel fought to a draw
— Logan Clark def. Scott Harper via TKO at 4:37 of round 1

UPDATE: Here’s the video of the main event. Notice the opening staredown, where Marshall seemed unable to maintain eye contact with Stann.

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Quote of the Day: Frank Shamrock

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Sam Caplan: You made the accusation in an interview with MMAMadness.com that Ken Shamrock has been using steroids his whole life. MMAjunkie.com published a statement earlier this week in which Ken made a full denial of your claims. Do you stand by your statement?

Frank Shamrock: Oh yeah. Yeah. I apologize; I thought it was common knowledge. I don’t know why Ken would lie about it. I was the guy who picked him up after he had his bitch tits removed.

(Source: ProElite.com)

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Roy Jones Jr. Wants Silva Fight; Dana White Not So Much

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(Anderson working the hands.)

By CagePotato Guest Contributor Ben Fowlkes

Roy Jones Jr. refuses to let go of the idea of a boxing match with Anderson Silva. Ed Soares, Silva’s manager, says that he spoke with Jones personally on Easter Sunday and Jones expressed serious interest in the fight.

“He told me that he thought that this was a good fight and he wanted to make it happen,” said Soares. “I restated the situation we’re in, that at this moment we have a contract with the UFC, an MMA fight contract, but if there’s a way to make this happen we would love to.”

Now that it’s clear both Silva and Jones want the fight, there’s just one question: What does the UFC think? Turns out, they’re not so crazy about it. Not yet, anyway.

“We’ve spoken about it,” Soares said. “At first, I think there was a lot of resistance. They don’t seem too into it, to be honest with you. We’ve heard from certain people that there’s just no way that this can happen. But never say never, you know.”

Recently the jokesters over at Bodog went ahead and handicapped the bout, despite the fact that it’s only talk at this point, and they pegged Jones as a heavy favorite with a -2800 line. Silva is going off at +1400, which is understandable since he’s never had a real pro boxing match and Jones, you know, has had a few.

Soares, who may well be biased, warns us against underestimating Silva.

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‘WWKD?’: The Stunning Conclusion

In the final episode of “What Would Kimbo Do?”, Ferg realizes he’s only a figment of Average Joe’s imagination, and wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette. Wild, man…

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IFL Show Grows; EliteXC Signs NFL Player


(Alex Schoenauer, in his sleek IFL tank, joins the April 4th event.)

A signing and a fight addition today for two organizations. Check it out:

— The EliteXC is going the way of the UFC…by signing a former NFL cast-off. ProElite has the dish from Mike Camp, manager of former baller Bobby Jones. No not that Bobby Jones. The difference between Bobby Jones and other NFLers like Brock Lesnar, Johnnie Morton, and Bob Sapp is — he’s undefeated (2-0). Oh, and he doesn’t have a penis on his chest.

B.J. won his first fight on August 24th of last year and his second was in January — both via TKO. Jones played in eleven games with the Giants during the ’02 NFL season, then bolted (aka, was released) for the mighty Arena Football League. And now he’s on to MMA. Why, you ask?

He ultimately decided to test his competitive fire by transitioning into mixed martial arts after being exposed to the sport through competitive grappling and televised MMA events.

“Somebody introduced me to submission wrestling, grappling, and I got into that and I loved it, and did very well there,” Jones was quoted as saying in an ESPN.com article last year. “I wanted to do something more and I watched MMA on TV all the time, UFC and Pride, and I fell in love with it.”

Reminds me of the time when I grew a mustache after watching a rerun of “Magnum, P.I.” It’s coming in nicely.

The IFL has added a fight to its April 4th Jersey card. Alex Schoenauer will face Jersey boy Brendan Barrett, increasing the fight card to ten bouts on a night that will see title defenses by Vladimir “The Janitor” Matyushenko, Jay “The Thorobred” Hieron, and Wagnney Fabiano. Matyushenko will defend against Jamal Patterson in a light heavy bout, Hieron against Mark Miller for the 170 belt, and Fabiano steps in with Shad Lierley at 145 lbs. The IFL also named two replacements for the show — Jason Black, reppin’ Miletich Fighting Systems, and Jim Miller of Renzo Gracie Academy.

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