(Human cockfighters: They’re just like us!)

According to this New York Times article, today marks the beginning of the UFC’s public campaign to legalize MMA in New York State. Eleven years after it was banned by killjoy governor George Pataki, Zuffa has launched MMAFacts.com to massage NY lawmakers into realizing that MMA is safe family entertainment. And at no small cost: Prior to the launch of the site, Zuffa made a $25,000 donation to the state Democratic party, hired a political consulting firm used by current New York governor Eliot Spitzer for media relations, and has had the $10,000/month Albany lobbying firm Brown, McMahon & Weinraub on retainer since November.

Anyway, take a gander at the site, which combines positive news coverage (“Associated Press: Anheuser-Busch ad deal is milestone for Ultimate Fighting”), original fluff pieces (“MMA Events Draw Tourism and Tax Revenue to Host Cities”), explanations of the sport’s honorable history, and good old-fashioned charticles. But the best part is the athlete profile page, where dudes like Keith Jardine, Kenny Florian, and Joe Lauzon — awkwardly stuffed into button-down shirts — try to explain that MMA fighters are just as educated as you are, if not more so, and don’t turn to the sport because they can’t do anything else. (Lauzon’s an IT guy!) But unlike the other guys in their office-ready wear, Matt Lindland keeps it real in his IFL jersey. It’s very possible that no photos of him wearing collared shirts actually exist.

(Top to bottom: Most Likely to Succeed, Best Smile, Ugliest)

(Koscheck/Sanchez 3 will happen when Kos allows it to happen.)

People don’t stop running their mouths just because it’s the weekend. Here’s what you may have missed…

Dana White on haters: “All I have to say about that is don’t ever (expletive) doubt us. All these (expletive) idiots out there that like to talk (expletive) and (expletive) don’t ever doubt us, man. Don’t ever, ever doubt us.”

Josh Koscheck on Diego Sanchez: “I think I’m in his head. He’s only been thinking and focusing about me for the last year. It’s actually kind of nice. He’s in the same shoes I was after The Ultimate Fighter. For two straight years I woke up every morning hating Diego Sanchez.”

Rich Franklin on his future title prospects: “Realistically, another fight with Anderson wouldn’t be that interesting for fans.”

Dana White on stock car racing: “You come over to my house this weekend and we kick back and watch TV. We put on (expletive) NASCAR. We’re like, ‘Holy (expletive). Look at all the (expletive) people at this race. All those fans and this and that. These guys got television deals and merchandise deals and all this crazy (expletive). You know what? Let’s steal two of their drivers, and let’s start our own (expletive) company. We’ll call it (expletive), you know, GASCAR instead of (expletive) NASCAR.’ That’s how (expletive) stupid it is.”

Man, what a fucking mess. If there was any debate as to whether Ken Shamrock should retire, his Cage Rage appearance last night settled it. Check out the 3:54 mark of the video, as Ken takes a glancing jab and a right hook to his glove, then flops over sideways, Bo Cantrell-style. At this point, it’s hard to imagine any professional heavyweight that Ken has the tools to beat. At the very least, he should have to change his nickname from “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” to “The Third Most Dangerous Shamrock” (after Frank and Frank’s wife).

Even if he’s given the medical clearance to fight next month it’s doubtful that EliteXC will still want to book Ken to get eaten up by Kimbo Slice on their CBS debut. Problem is, he was the most marketable option for Kimbo’s next opponent. Will Slice vs. Berry draw the amount of eyes that Shaw & Co. need for their first network television show? Maybe, maybe not. But any hope for a blockbuster “superfight” just buckled like Ken’s ever-wobbly legs.

(Ken Shamrock getting “inspected” before Cage Rage 25.)

Sherdog has thrown up some results from Cage Rage 25 which went down today in London. Ken Shamrock – who had lost four fights in a row before today – now boasts a five fight losing streak. His son, Ryan Shamrock, didn’t fare well either in only his second pro fight. The 135 pounder lost when the doctor stopped the fight after the first round due to Ryan’s broken hand. Ryan did last longer than his pops, though – Robert “Buzz” Berry knocked Ken out at the 3:26 mark of the first round. Will this finally put Ken Shamrock into permanent retirement or will he stick around long enough to fight his brother? We’ll wait and see, but more pressing, what does this do to all the talk of Ken Shamrock fighting Kimbo? Does anybody care anymore?

Other notable matches in the event: Tom “Kong” Watson’s win over Pierre Guillet on strikes, Neil Grove losing in a majority decision to Rob Broughton, and Masakazu Imanari heel hookin’ Jean Silva into a tapout. And sadly, our new girlfriend Aysen Berik lost by TKO in the first round to Aisling Daly.

Out of the eleven fights, only two went to decision and the other nine didn’t get into the second round. The event will air via tape-delay tonight at 10:30 p.m. on Showtime. The results:

– John Phillips over Jake Bostwick via TKO (Strikes) Round 1, 4:10
– John Hathaway over Marvin Arnold via TKO (Strikes) Round 1, 1:32
– Giorgio Andrews over Ryan Shamrock via TKO (Doctor Stoppage – Broken Hand) Round 1, 5:00
– Aisling Daly over Aysen Berik via TKO (Strikes) Round 1, 1:49
– Henrique Santana over Michael Johnson via Decision (Unanimous) Round 3, 5:00
– Ivan Serati over Roman Webber via TKO (Strikes) Round 1, 0:48
– Mustapha al Turk over Gary Turner via Submission (Strikes) Round 1, 3:19
– Tom Watson over Pierre Guillet via TKO (Strikes) Round 1, 2:05
– Rob Broughton over Neil Grove via Decision (Majority) Round 3, 5:00
– Masakazu Imanari over Jean Silva via Submission (Heel Hook) Round 1, 2:30
– Robert Berry over Ken Shamrock via KO (Punches) Round 1, 3:26

It was also announced yesterday that the next big Cage Rage show is scheduled for May 10th in Birmingham. Paul Cahoon will headline, putting his Cage Rage British Light Heavyweight belt on the line against Ian Freeman.

(A black & white photo makes it uber classy, no?)

The Iceman has spoken about who he wants to fight next (after UFC 85) and it includes the usual suspects, plus a new entry. Liddell thinks he should be the one to take down Fedor Emelianenko. Chuck spoke to The Sun recently and had this to say about a possible match-up with the Russian badass:

“Fedor’s someone I want to fight because he’s someone I match up well with. He’s a ground and pound guy that doesn’t have a great shot. He doesn’t have a great game plan.

“I think I could take him. I think I match up well with him.

“As far as I know he’s never knocked anyone out from his feet and I think he’d have a hard time taking me down.”

Liddell goes on to say he might consider a move up to the heavyweight division once he’s done with light heavyweight. By “done”, we assume he means beating Rampage, Jardine, Wanderlei Silva again, and successfully defending the belt against someone like Dana-favorite Sokoudjou.

(Really, bro?)

— We got slurpees with Matt Serra.

— We took the minority opinion and predicted that Mark Coleman is going to stomp Brock Lesnar.

— Most smoker matches don’t get a cable TV broadcast and commentary by Kenny Rice. Such is the drawing power of Kim Couture.

— We revealed the four finalists for our Serious Pimp t-shirt design contest. Let’s just say that reactions were “mixed.” Anyway, do us a favor and throw a vote down on the homepage poll.

— The IFL posted some very respectable numbers for their debut show. What’s that? They’ve been around for two years? Uh oh…

— Shogun Rua did what he does best, and Rashad Evans gets another undeserved headlining fight.

— Sengoku’s lopsided match-ups went pretty much as expected.

— M-1 Global could be merely a footnote in MMA history by Tuesday. Meanwhile, time marches on for the Russians.

— We finally found an excuse to post a scene from Beyond Thunderdome.

— Blood sells.

(Props: Victory Belt via MMA.tv via BloodyElbow)

Based on a true story…

(“Dude, could you at least pretend to be surprised?”)

Headlined by a heavyweight match between Ken Shamrock and Robert “Buzz” Berry — which may very well decide who gets the next shot at Kimbo Slice — Cage Rage 25 goes down tomorrow night at London’s Wembley Arena. Showtime will run a tape-delayed broadcast of the four top-billed fights at 10:30 p.m. ET. Those other three main card fights are:

Jean Silva vs. Masakazu Imanari (for the Cage Rage Featherweight World Title)
Neil Grove vs. Rob Broughton (heavyweights)
Pierre Guillet vs. Tom “Kong” Watson (middleweights)

Other matches on the 11-fight card include Ken’s son Ryan facing off against Georgio Andrews in a bantamweight match, a heavyweight throwdown between Mustapha al Turk and Gary Turner, and Cage Rage’s first female fight between Aisling Daly and the rather-fetching Aysen Berik. Some other things to be aware of:

— If you clicked that last link, you’d know that Aysen Berik is the sister of Cage Rage vet Sami Berik, who, despite his terrible 12-24 record, knocked Mark Smith out in 9 seconds in a Cage Rage Contenders fight in February.

— Betting odds have Ken Shamrock as a -240 favorite (encouraging for someone who’s won only one fight since 2001). Grove and Broughton are dead even at -115.

— Robert Berry is the lightest he’s ever been for a fight, but will still be coming in 20 pounds heavier than Shamrock.

— Neil Grove and Rob Broughton both hold wins over Robert Berry. Illness forced Berry to throw in the towel after the first round of his fight with Grove in December. Berry’s September 2006 match against Broughton fight ended in a first-round KO.

— If you’re interested in hearing Ryan Shamrock talk, click away.

…and not because he tried to kiss Heath Herring again. Rumor has it that the Yakuza has beef with Nakao facing Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic at next week’s DREAM show. According a recent blog entry by Takumi “The Oriental Mystery” Yano (Nakao’s submission trainer, who took the #3 spot in our Sickest Submissions Ever list):

YAKUZA (japanese maffia)is terrible!!
I hear that If NAKAO fight Mirko, YAKUZA will kidnap nakao and abandon him in Tokyo Sea…..

So if the Fightin’ Smoocher mysteriously disappears after DREAM 1, you know where to find him.

The idea of the Yakuza trying to exert control over the new DREAM promotion is plausible to say the least — their alleged involvement in PRIDE is part of what sunk the defunct organization, and when ex-PRIDE staffers and K-1 execs came together to launch DREAM, criminal elements may have remained. (Read this for a surface-scratching recent history.) But who knows why they’d want to block Nakao from fighting Cro Cop. Could it have more to do with Mirko than Nakao?

(Props: FightOpinion)

What better way to get psyched for the weekend: This is the wildest fight by a group of hot girls (okay, a group of hot girls and one brutal fat chick) that I’ve ever seen. Enjoy, and ask yourself — why is it that whenever girls fight they immediately turn into Lil’ Showstoppa?

(Fedor and the M-1 crew, in happier times.)

Could Fedor Emelianenko become a free agent after suffering through five months of M-1 Global’s disorganization and managerial impotence? According to a new bombshell dropped by ESPN: The Magazine, hellz to the yeah.

Apy Echteld, one of Emelianenko’s agents, confirmed what a source close to the situation previously told The Magazine: M-1 Global and Emelianenko will part ways some time in the next week, making the Russian a free agent. Divorce negotiations are ongoing right now, with a formal announcement likely for in the next few days. “Officially, yes, Fedor will be a free agent,” Echteld says.

Holy crap, does this mean that Dana White would be willing to resurrect negotiations with the “crazy Russians” and work on making the Fedor/Randy fight happen in the UFC?

“Absolutely, 100 percent, in a heartbeat,” says White. “People think he’s the best — I don’t, not even close. But if it’s somehow possible, I would make it happen…As much as we’ve gone back and forth on this, I would sign Fedor and do everything possible to get Randy in the Octagon with him…because A., it’s a great fight and B., I think Randy would smash Fedor.”

Echteld responded in a poetic fashion that’s common to Russians: “If everybody is willing to put a little wine in the water, then we have something to work with.” Through his spokesman, Couture declined to comment.

Well this is fucking awesome! The long international nightmare that was the M-1 Global farce looks like it’s about to end, and Fedor can move on with his life. Except not so fast. Maybe it’s just good old-fashioned denial, but M-1 Global prez/CEO Monte Cox is still insisting that Fedor ain’t goin’ nowheres. “As of right now, M-1 Global and Fedor are still working together,” he told MMAWeekly.com:

Cox declined to comment about the ESPN article, but said M-1’s plans were still underway for its first event on American soil, a June 14 card at the Sears Center in the Chicago area, still expected to feature Emelianenko. The show has been rescheduled from a May 3 date at the Allstate Arena, also in the Chicago area.

Monte Cox probably just didn’t get the memo yet, which is understandable because M-1 memos first have to be translated from Russian into English, and that takes time. Anyway, cross your fingers that M-1 swirls down the shitter, because Fedor signing to fight Randy in the UFC would pretty much solve everyone’s problems.

UPDATE: From Sherdog: According to one source that asked not to be identified, M-1 will likely expect Emelianenko to return a $1.5 million signing bonus he was paid last September. Negotiations should be finalized by Tuesday of next week, the same source said.

Earlier: Aleksander Emelianenko to Headline Next Month’s M-1 Challenge?
Way earlier: “Like all children, I was afraid of darkness.”

(Gilbert Melendez pounds Tatsuya Kawajiri.)

Another late March cancelled fight is now back on, but a mid-March battle is off. We’re just trying to keep up. Strikeforce lightweight champ Gilbert Melendez was originally scheduled to fight Jorge Masvidal at the Strikeforce/EliteXC March 29th event. That match was called off when Masvidal had to drop out because of a shin injury. It looked like Melendez was going to skip the event as he was rumored to be competing in the Lightweight Grand Prix at Dream 1 on March 15th.

MMAWeekly reports that Chute Boxe jiu-jitsu coach Cristiano Marcello has stepped in to fight Melendez, so Gilby is on the March 29th fight card. Marcello confirmed the fight:

“Melendez is an excellent fighter and I am very happy to face him, especially on Strikeforce, which is a great event. We are going to travel together, me, (Evangelista “Cyborg” Santos), Master Rafael (Cordeiro) and Rudimar (Fedrigo). Cyborg will fight at the same event and we are going to make a huge presentation for the fans.”

Melendez spoke on why he is defending his belt on the 29th instead of going to Japan for Dream 1, and that he’s going to defend the belt “ferociously”.

“I think it’s a great opportunity to fight in the Dream tournament. I love fighting in Japan, but right now I have a commitment with Strikeforce. I’m looking to just put my focus on Strikeforce; I’ve got a contract there and want to fulfill it.”

“More than anyone, fans, people, my family, it’s important to me to come out ferocious, mean and show people I’m here to stay,” he exclaimed. “I’m focused and it means a lot to me to not only win, but win with bad intentions and put on a good show for the fans.”

Both Melendez and Marcello are vets of PRIDE, but also share the fact that their last loss was to Mitsuhiro Ishida. You can check out the first part of Melendez battling Ishida after the jump. For parts two and three of the fight, go here and here.

(“Depressed? I was just clownin’, Dawg!”)

We told you yesterday that Paulo Filho went all Britney Spears and pulled out of the WEC event on March 26th where he was to fight Chael Sonnen. That fight had reportedly been pushed to June, provided Filho could stay on his happy pills. Well, scratch that. If Filho’s manager, Ed Soares, is to be believed, the fight is now back on for March 26th.

Via Sherdog:

“He went through some personal issues, and he basically pulled everything together,” Soares said.

Training at the Black House gym in Rio de Janeiro, Filho has been preparing with Ricardo Arona (Pictures) and Rafael Feijao. Soares said UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva will join the training camp on March 17.

Said Soares: “During difficult times you get to see who your true friends are, and everyone is coming together to help him get ready for this fight.”

So for now the rematch we thought we had to wait for is back on for later this month. One has to wonder how much pressure the WEC was putting on him to fight since their event card was looking weak at best. Sherdog is also saying that 5-0 middleweight Nissen Osterneck has also pulled out of the March gig. The fighter was set to battle 6-0 Bryan Baker, even though the fight had never been officially announced by the WEC. The withdrawal was due to a shoulder injury that will keep the fighter out for eight months after surgery.

If you haven’t noticed yet, Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson are pretty damn good at marketing themselves. Since the gossip magazines haven’t cared enough about them as a celebrity couple to invent a cutesy hybrid nickname (i.e., Brangelina, Tomkat, EllenPagepotato [yeah, we've been trying to keep that one on the D.L., but we're happy, and we ask that you respect our privacy]), they’ve taken it upon themselves to invent one. Will it catch on? Fingers crossed!

Of course, there’s more to this Hollyscoop.com video than ‘tarded nicknames. Ortiz strongly reiterates that he’s done with the UFC, and also reveals that he’s come around on his Kimbo Slice-hate. Jenna, as always, plays the supportive g.f., smiling and nodding and biting the inside of her cheeks while the little voice in her head screams “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO BORING ARE YOU STILL TALKING YOU OGRE-HEADED LOSER FOR FUCK’S SAKE WRAP IT UP!”

(YAMMA 1′s official fight card. Click for larger image. Bro-grabs to BloodyElbow.)

You should seriously check out YAMMA’s official website. Like, now — drop whatever you’re doing and gaze upon the unbelievable tackiness of this ill-fated promotion. First of all, the slogan: “On the streets it’s against the law / In the pit it is the law,” which sounds like the tagline to every shitty Steven Seagal flick ever made. There’s also that amazing bullet-pointed list on the homepage: “The new fighting surface offers NO escape, NO give and NO mercy!” Is it quicksand? It’s quicksand, isn’t it.

The superfights should provide some decent entertainment value, in a used-up-whore-who-now-has-to-give-it-away-for-cheap kind of way, but that heavyweight tournament is gonna be brutal. Can you imagine sitting through seven matches of these bloated journeymen slapping up against each other?

The only way we’ll become fans of YAMMA is if it looks like this:

And honestly, what are the chances of that?

The Sengoku submission party…

Kazuyuki Fujita vs. Peter Graham — Their pre-fight-beef gets squashed quickly in the ring as Fujita takes Graham down and chokes him out in 83 seconds.

Evangelista “Cyborg” Santos vs. Makoto Takimoto — ‘Borg comes out swinging in his usual style, but is even more dominant on the ground and gets the better of Takimoto in a heel-hook war.

Kazuo Misaki vs. Siyar Bahadurzada — Bahadurzada dishonors his Shooto belt by succumbing to a guillotine choke in the second round.

Earlier: Highlights from Gomi/Ludwig and Barnett/Yoshida.

(CBS primetime star, Kimbo Slice.)

A few more details have dropped about the EliteXC/CBS marriage, although you should consult a finance guy and an attorney to explain it to you. Luckily, I do both of those as side jobs so I will lay it out proper. MMAPayout has a solid breakdown of the deal, but there are still some things we haven’t been provided with yet and a lot remains murky at best. The details we do have come from the SEC filing by Pro Elite for the agreement. If you’re in need of good bathroom reading material, print off the SEC filing and enjoy.

MMAPayout had originally suggested the agreement was not a rights fee arrangement, but a time buy. CBS and Pro Elite both shot down that notion. The SEC filing says that CBS will pay a rights fee. Check it:

According to the filing, CBS has the right to order up to four two-hour events during the first year of the agreement. Under the terms of the agreement, CBS was also granted four consecutive annual renewal options. CBS also has the rights to order derivative programs based on the events, in a possible nod to the long rumored Mark Burnett produced EXC reality series featuring Hershel Walker and Jose Canseco.

I told you “What Would Kimbo Do?” would find its way onto CBS’s Saturday morning kiddie programming. With the explosion in MMA’s popularity and now jumping over to network primetime, derivative programming could mean a lot of things so it’s hard to speculate what that could be. Unfortunately, “Survivor: EliteXC”, isn’t out of the realm of possibilities.

(Mach Sakurai works over Mac Danzig at PRIDE 33.)

A lot of news coming from Japan in the wake of Sengoku’s first show and the run-up to next week’s DREAM debut…

— Nokaut.com reports that Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic has finally gotten an opponent for the first DREAM show, with only nine days to spare. As Mirko wrote on his official blog: “A little over an hour ago I was contacted by DREAM officials. They informed me that my opponent on March 15 will be Yoshihiro Nakao from Japan. It was very important for me to fight as soon as possible and I’m happy that DREAM was able to find the opponent for me.” You may remember Nakao as the dude Heath Herring knocked out after a tender expression of affection was misinterpreted as an insult; hopefully Nakao won’t make that mistake again. DREAM1 goes down next Saturday at the Saitama Super Arena in Japan.

— Hayato “Mach” Sakurai has also locked down an opponent for the DREAM show. As SukiMMA translates from his blog: “I fight Hidetaka Monma from Keisyukai. One foreign fighter and one Japanese fighter canceled and finally I got an opponent!” Monma has a 14-7-3 record, with notable wins over…well, basically nobody. The Sakurai/Monma fight doesn’t seem to be a part of the lightweight Grand Prix that’s also going down at DREAM1, but it should be an ugly rout just like the Cro Cop/Nakao feature.

Might as well pop some Excedrin now, because your head will be aching after this one. According to ADCombat.com, M-1 Global is quietly setting up its first event in Russia, which will go down at St. Petersburg’s 3000-seat Ice Palace on April 3rd. One of the promotional images is above; the event will be headlined by Aleksander Emelianenko (against a yet-unnamed opponent), with M-1/PRIDE/Bodog vets Roman Zentsov and Amar Suloev also scheduled to fight (ditto). According to ADCombat’s anonymous “Russian insider”:

“With the Russian elections last weekend, advertising before [then] was next to impossible, as most attention is focused on the elections. The smaller venue may indicate a good bit of pragmatism on the part of the promoters, since they are only going to have a month or so to really push the event.”

So, by now you’re thinking, “if this is supposed to be an M-1 Global event, why does that ad clearly say M-1 Mix Fight?” Very good question. ADCombat writes:

In a previous conversation, M-1 Global’s Monte Cox confirmed that [Vadim] Finkelstein and [Apy] Echteld would be promoting events with the M-1 Global name, however the infrastructure for the show and promotion are independent of what Cox will use when M-1 Global begins to move forward in the United States.

Which explains absolutely nothing, considering that Finkelchtein isn’t promoting this event with M-1 Global’s name, but under his old Mix Fight label. According to RussianMMA.com, the St. Petersburg event will actually be the second leg of the not-very-well-publicized “M-1 Challenge” that we briefly mentioned last month. The first M-1 Challenge event was apparently held last Sunday in the Netherlands, with the Fedor-coached Russian Red Devil Sports Club competing against France’s Team Amossou, and a Netherlands team taking on a pack of Germans; shockingly, the Russians lost three out of five matches to the Frenchmen. (Don’t ask how the Netherlands/Germany matchups went down, because results weren’t published on M1MixFight.com, and news hasn’t yet trickled down to any other American MMA websites.)

RussianMMA reports that the April 3rd M-1 Challenge event will include teams from Russia, Japan, and “Europe,” and Emelianenko/Zentsov/Suloev will be competing in superfights. Checking M-1 Global’s official site, of course, confirmed nothing — it hasn’t been updated since New Year’s Eve, and you can’t expect Monte Cox to keep tabs on Vadim all the time. Especially when M-1 Global is such a disorganized pit of confusion…

(Yep, that’s Rashad Evans.)

Despite some of you suggesting that madman striker Houston Alexander should take on Chuck Liddell as a replacement for the injured Mauricio Rua — not a bad idea, and one we overlooked earlier — the UFC has gone with one of the safer options that we were expecting, booking Rashad Evans to face the Iceman. Sherdog confirmed last night that the undefeated Ultimate Fighter 2 winner will be meeting Chuck Liddell at UFC 85 on June 7th in London.

It seems like Evans was picked to fill-in because he’d be the least likely to make Liddell eat another loss. Chuck’s a banger, and if he stayed in the pocket with unpredictable brawlers like Alexander or Sokoudjou, he could easily catch a knockout punch. Thiago Silva would have been just as dangerous, as he’s a threat both standing and on the ground, and he’s won all but one of his fights by stoppage. But aside from the occasional head-kick, Rashad Evans sticks to takedowns and lay-and-pray, and it’s nothing that Chuck won’t be able to deal with. In fact, we see this one turning out a lot like UFC 82′s Arlovski/O’Brien farce.

I can’t imagine many people being psyched about this matchup. Evans has a reputation for dullness, and UFC fans aren’t going to want to see Liddell spend entire rounds on his back. And from a marketing perspective, it’ll be tough to sell — Rashad’s a much smaller name than Chuck, and there’s no personal rivalry between them. But it will give the Brits a chance to throw bottles at the man who edged out their beloved Michael Bisping in November. Let’s all hope for a quick and brutal knockout…

Things that are not necessary:

“American Idol”, Twinkies, Crocs, your appendix, blonde jokes, actor person Ryan Reynolds, and Frank Shamrock‘s below video.

(Head-butts to BloodyElbow for the spot.)

(Does the carpet match the…never mind.)

Ex-UFC heavyweight champ and PRIDE personality Kevin Randleman has announced on MMAWeekly Radio that he’s “in” with two organizations and will battle very soon. “The Monster” confirmed that he’s joined up with Global Fighting Championships and said of his debut: “As of right now, I am fighting Jeff Monson, June 21 in North Carolina in Bobcat Arena.” Cool, but I’ve been to Bobcat Arena and the toilets are clogged 99% of the time, trust me. I’m just saying.

Jeff Monson and shit-stuffed North Carolina johns aside, Randleman will first jet over to a place he’s quite familiar with: Japan. The fighter battled in the country for years in PRIDE and will do so again:

“My first fight is going to be May 18 in the new Japanese organization, it is not Pride, (but) World Victory Road,” he continued.

Randleman, who hasn’t fought since October 2006 in a loss to Mauricio “Shogun” Rua, has not yet been given an opponent for the World Victory Road fight.

World Victory Road held its first event on Wednesday and announced that both Randleman and Roger Gracie would be fighting on its May event, but it is not yet clear that they would be facing each other.

Glad he clarified that it’s not PRIDE because we were ’bout to get confused since PRIDE has been shut-the-fuck-down. Anywho, according to a Randleman rep an opponent has not been named for the WVR event and contract details are still being hammered out. “The Monster” was 4-6 in PRIDE and 4-3 in the UFC. He is a ho-hum 16-12 overall. Yes, I said ho-hum. It’s the new “sucks”, so get on-board. I was one of the first geniuses to break the term “bitchin”, so I know what I’m doing.

From Sengoku. Props to BloodyElbow. More photos here.

(Takanori Gomi poses with one of the characters from Cabin Fever.)

(This wouldn’t turn out very well for Hidehiko Yoshida.)

(Told you.)

Here’s some footage of Gomi turning Bang Ludwig’s face into pasta sauce, and Barnett working over Yoshida en route to a heel-hook tapout. Gomi and Barnett’s fights at Sengoku were their first MMA matches in over a year, but both looked like they’d never left the ring. 100% dominance…

Oh yeah! To those of you who wrote in asking “What the crap happened to that Serious Pimp t-shirt design contest?”, well, perfection takes longer. But the wait is over, and Serious Pimp has chosen four finalists out of all your lovely entries. Check ‘em out below and vote for your favorite one on our homepage poll. The poll will close next Thursday, March 13th at 11:59:59 p.m. ET, and we’ll announce the winner the next day. The design with the most votes scores the designer $500 in cash and $500 in Serious Pimp gear. Fist-bumps and bro-grabs to everyone who entered — y’all some talented mah’fuckas.

Click images for larger versions…

“Manuscript”

“Good Evening Bitches”

“Serious Lopez”

“Smoking Girl”

Has anybody come across videos from Sengoku yet? I’ve been checking throughout the day and have so far come up with bupkus. But while looking for the Gomi/Ludwig fight, I did come across this match between Gomi and Jens Pulver from PRIDE Shockwave 2004 (12/31/04) that I’d never seen before. It’s a straight-up boxing match that stays standing until Gomi finds his distance and knocks Pulver out, collecting his fifth win in a ten-fight PRIDE win-streak.

Despite the IFL’s inability to generate much dough via their live shows, they’ve been wheelin’ and dealin’ recently. The league announced yesterday that they have partnered with Media Prima Berhad – the largest integrated investment group in Malaysia and puppet masters of four Malaysian TV stations – to air “IFL Fight Night” every week in Malaysia. The agreement begins sometime this year. Adding Media Prima Berhad to their programming partners increases the IFL’s coverage to over 300 million homes worldwide. Other carriers include HBO Latin America, HDNet and FSN here in the homeland, MBC for the Middle East and some areas of Africa, Star TV for Asia coverage, CanWest Global and Fox Sports Canada in Canada, EGO in Israel, TV4 in Sweden, and Armed Forces Television worldwide, among others. This goes along with their continued efforts to keep their IFL content on-line for the fans – a stark contrast to other organizations like, say the piss-on-our-parade UFC.

The IFL has now added Throwdown Industries to the financially-challenged family. Throwdown is set to become the official energy drink, fight gloves and ring of the IFL for 2008-2009. This is a good move for Throwdown considering the global scope the IFL covers. The company is one of the top providers of MMA gear, cages, rings, and training equipment – plus they have sweet, sweet Arianny hanging around. The energy drink is distributed by Cott Corporation, one of the largest nonalcoholic beverage companies in the history of the universe and the world’s largest retailer brand soft drink provider, but of course everyone knows that.

Some highlights from the first season of Chuck Norris’s World Combat League. It’s basically just kickboxing in a large bowl, but since it has Chuck’s name on it, you know there’s gonna be a devastating roundhouse kick (it’s at the 1:39 mark), and that girl-on-girl Superman punch at 1:00 is beautiful.

Also, here’s Chuck Norris fighting a bear.

(Props: commenter “Old, Bald and Irish”)

(Filho: Rainy days and Mondays always bring him down.)

Paulo Filho was supposed to have a rematch with Chael Sonnen at WEC’s March 26th event, but the middleweight champion has pulled out of the fight, citing depression and a lack of motivation. As he said in a Tatame.com interview:

“I wasn’t on a good moment, had depression but I’m rising now and the Americans forced me to fight now. I’m not afraid of winning or losing, but I wasn’t motivated to train, wasn’t training well, so I decided to do what the contract says and transferred the fight to June.”

Though the Filho/Sonnen rematch will be a great supporting fight for the featherweight championship bout between Urijah Faber and Jens Pulver in June, it leaves the March card looking mighty thin. That event will feature only one title match — a light-heavyweight contest between Doug “The Rhino” Marshall and Brian Stann, and its next-biggest draw is Brock Larson vs. John Alessio.

Pulling out of a title fight for lack of motivation is some truly weak bullshit, and I hope that the WEC at least fines Filho for this. We feel bad that Sonnen won’t be seeing a fight check for another three months — but if you live in Portland area, you could always support him by buying a house.

— Josh Barnett def. Hidehiko Yoshida via submission (heel hook), 3:23 of round 3
— Takanori Gomi def. Duane Ludwig via doctor’s stoppage TKO (cut), 2:28 of round 1
— Kazuo Misaki def. Siyar Bahadurzada via submission (guillotine choke), 2:02 of round 2
— Kazuyuki Fujita def. Peter Graham via submission (north-south choke), 1:23 of round 1
— Evangelista Santos def. Makoto Takimoto via submission (heel hook), 4:51 of round 1
— Ryo Kawamura def. Antonio Braga Neto via unanimous decision
— Nick Thompson def. Fabricio Monteiro via unanimous decision

We’ll get up some photos and videos when they become available…

(Props: Sherdog)

Yep, pretty much. Check out everybody’s favorite Octagon girl as she works it at a photoshoot for Throwdown. Not a bad way to kick off your hump day…