sloths funny photos album covers
Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

April, 2008

Oscar Buzz: Quinton Jackson

When we reported that Quinton Jackson had scored a part in the upcoming horror flick Midnight Meat Train, we assumed that his role would be larger than “Black Guy Who Gets Killed #4.” But from the looks of the above trailer, the only speaking roles belong to Brooke Shields, Ricky Bobby’s wife, and the dude who played the asshole boyfriend in Wedding Crashers. Do not blink at the 1:36 mark or you’ll miss him. So…totally worth your time, right?

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Mr. Herpes Lands on His Feet

PB
(Yep, this again.)

A few weeks ago, FiveOuncesofPain reported that a former All-American wrestler named Paul Bradley — who was rumored to be a castmember for The Ultimate Fighter 7 — had just been signed to a fight contract by EliteXC. It didn’t mean all that much to us until this morning, when we realized, OMG, Paul Bradley is the dude who was just kicked out of the TUF house because of his cootie-neck! In a new interview on 5oz., Bradley gives his take on his TUF eviction, and his transition to the UFC’s biggest competitor. Some highlights:

Sam Caplan: Just to clarify, your condition is called Herpes Gladiatorum?
Paul Bradley: Yes, that’s right. There’s type I and type II. Type I is sexually transmitted and type II, which is what I had, is transferred from the skin. It’s basically a cold sore but I get it on my neck…

Like my college trainers say, in college wrestling you deal with this a ton because of the skin-to-skin contact. If you wrestle five years and don’t get it, you’re pretty lucky…

I went and saw a doctor that morning and he’s like, “Two days on these meds (the Valtrex) and you’ll be fine.” And I’m like, “Alright, great.” So I went back and then Dana brought in his close, personal friend and the guy is saying this and that about that I can still give it to someone, but that’s not how it works. It’s got to be broken out, which it was but two or three days on the medicine and it was going to be gone…it wasn’t going to happen again throughout the whole show — I can guarantee you that. Especially when I was taking that medicine every day.

Sam Caplan: So it was a pre-existing condition. Had you disclosed that when you submitted your medicals?
Paul Bradley: Well, I had submitted all of my medicals from college so I’m sure it was in there. But like I said, I can name a ton of fighters in that organization that have it right now. Of course I won’t (name them), but half of the guys are wrestlers and I can name a couple off the top of my head right now. A couple of them I keep in touch with and they couldn’t believe it. They couldn’t believe it because it is so common in amateur wrestling and in wrestling in general you hear about it all the time. It was no big deal in my wrestling room at Iowa. “I got the herps” today is what you would say and you’d have to sit out a few days and get your medicine and you’re good to go within two or three days.

I was just shocked when Dana said he had never seen anything like this because with jiu-jitsu, wrestling, or any sport with skin-to-skin contact, you can acquire it.

Bradley went on to say that he’s in talks to get on the undercard of EliteXC’s June 14 event in Hawaii, in the first of a potential three-fight deal. Hopefully, the bit of infamy he got from his appearance on TUF doesn’t hound him from the rest of his career. It’s not fun to be known as “the herpes guy”; we know, we went to high school. But hey, if you’re going to have an incurable disease, you’re going to want one that sounds as badass as Herpes Gladiatorum. Fun fact: “Herpes Gladiatorum” is the official name for the piece of music that plays in the UFC pay-per-view intros

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GSP vs. Hieron, Menjivar, and Strasser

As we approach the big showdown on Saturday night, here’s some lesser-known Georges St. Pierre fights to get you in the mood. First, it’s St. Pierre’s second Octagon appearance at UFC 48, where he beats down current IFL welterweight champ Jay Hieron in under two minutes. Next, it’s GSP’s first pro fight, where Rush staves off the scrappy Ivan Menjivar to score a very questionable TKO via verbal tapout at the end of the first round. And finally, it’s the “GoldenPalace.com” TKO fight against Dave Strasser, which St. Pierre took after his first career loss (vs. Matt Hughes at UFC 50); lovely half-guard to side-control pass at 5:11 and the fight-ending kimura is just as slick.

(GSP vs. Jay Hieron, UFC 48, 6/19/04)

(GSP vs. Ivan Menjivar, UCC 7, 1/25/02; fight starts at the 4:06 mark)

(GSP vs. Dave Strasser, TKO 19, 1/29/05; fight starts at the 3:57 mark)

Props: MMAScraps

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Anderson Silva Is Listening to Dana White, But Is He Hearing Him?

Anderson Silva
(Who could say no to that face?)

Anderson Silva must not hear the word ‘no’ very often. Just because Dana White tells him that a fight between he and Roy Jones Jr. absolutely, positively cannot happen, Silva isn’t going to let it go so easily. This refusal to accept White’s decision became clear recently when Silva told Sherdog.com:

“I’m still confident this fight will happen. This can be this year or in 2009. I respect Dana White, the UFC owners and their point of view, but my vision is that I want this boxing match.”

Now see, that Anderson Silva seems like such a nice boy. Maybe if Randy Couture had adopted this attitude…well, we won’t go down that path.

The champ pressed on with his reasoning for demanding the fight despite White’s resistance:

“[T]his is my huge personal wish, a pro boxing fight against Roy Jones, who I consider the top boxer. I’m his fan as well. I’d like this fight to happen and I’ll do everything possible to make it happen. Roy Jones stated his will to fight as well. He has an exceptional character, and we want this fight. This would be good for both sports — MMA and boxing. This would be historical! This has to happen! I can’t believe that the people responsible to make it happen don’t see that. They can’t let the fans be without this match, which can mark the story of the fight sport.”

At some point, with Silva being so vocal about this issue, you have to wonder whether Dana White isn’t secretly loving this. Maybe not loving it in the sense that he wants the fight to actually happen, but it’s a great way to get people talking, including people who might not have paid much attention to the UFC or MMA before now.

That said, don’t hold your breath waiting for this fight to happen any time soon, at least not while Silva’s value to the UFC is still so great.

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EliteXC on CBS: Eggs, Meet Basket

KS
GC
(Kimbo and “Crush”: And then what? Slice photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

CBS recently announced that they’ve set July 26th as the date for the second installment of EliteXC’s Saturday Night Fights. Coming less than two months after SNF‘s debut broadcast on May 31st, the scheduling feels premature for a couple of reasons:

1) What if, God forbid, the first show is a ratings disaster? I don’t know if CBS has the power to immediately end their agreement with EliteXC if that happened, but they’d certainly be wise to postpone the next event for a couple more months, reassess what went wrong, and spend more time publicizing their new product.

2) When you stack a card with your two biggest stars (Kimbo Slice, Gina Carano), and fill it out with a few more of your most popular fighters (Robbie Lawler, Phil Baroni, Scott Smith, James Thompson), who’s left to fight eight weeks later? Even if Kimbo and Gina are physically capable of competing again so soon, would casual viewers be interested in seeing another event with the same headliners? Could exciting new opponents be found for them in such a short time-frame? Who’s going to carry card #2?

If you answered Nick Diaz, Jake Shields, KJ Noons, and Yves Edwards — well, you’re wrong. It turns out that all four of those mid-level stars have been booked for EliteXC’s June 14th show in Honolulu. Diaz will face Muhsin Corbbrey, Shields will take on Drew Fickett in EliteXC’s first welterweight title fight, and Noons and Edwards will meet in a lightweight championship bout. Sounds like a killer card, right? It seems like Pro Elite’s best move would be to cancel the Hawaii show and move all the fights to July 26th. Sure, Diaz might be a risk with his medical marijuana routine, and Noons is reportedly staying off the CBS cards due to mismanagement, but it’s hard to think of many other names that EliteXC has in its roster, other than the aforementioned, that could carry a big show, especially when it’s all but guaranteed that no title fights will be included on the July 26th card. Unless, of course, they set up Kimbo to face someone like Antonio Silva for an ill-advised heavyweight championship match. Was Gary Shaw even thinking this far into the future?

Semi-related: Murilo “Ninja” Rua has been dropped from the May 31st CBS card for undisclosed reasons. His opponent, Phil Baroni, will now be facing Joey Villasenor, who knocked out Ryan Jensen three weeks ago at “Shamrock vs. Le.” The rest of the main card is still as-is.

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Quote of the Week: Serra on Sylvia

TS

From Complex.com:

Complex: Tim Sylvia caught a lot of flack during his heavyweight reign. Do you think you guys finally have a common ground to stand on now when it comes to haters?
Matt Serra: Please, never put me in the same sentence with that big retard ever again.

[golf clap]

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“The Juice Is Worth the Squeeze”: TUF 7.3 Recap

herp
(Should’ve worn a neck-condom.)

With their elimination matches behind them, the 16 middleweight finalists moved into the TUF house on last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter 7. Before the hour was over, teams were picked, a herpes carrier was sent home, and the fighter who looks like a meathead Nicolas Cage was 10 G’s richer.

Quinton Jackson won the opening coin toss, meaning he could pick either the first fighter or the first fight. He insisted on first fighter rights and chose early standout C.B. Dollaway, while Forrest took impressive BJJ black belt Tim Credeur for the next pick. Rampage also chose Matthew Riddle, Paul Bradley, Daniel Cramer, Gerald Harris, Mike Dolce, Jesse May, and Brandon Sene, while Forrest got Amir Sadollah, Jesse Taylor, Matt Brown, Cale Yarbrough, Dante Rivera, Nick Klein and Luke Zachrich.

As Rampage was assessing his team’s injuries from the elimination matches, Paul Bradley’s hive-y, shingle-y neck (shown above) was brought to his attention. Bradley was sent to a dermatologist, who determined that the rash was a herpes strain that could potentially spread to the other fighters. After quarantining him on the treadmill for a day, Dana White calls him into his office with some bad news; because of the risk of transmission, he’d have to leave the house. Bradley doesn’t take it well, and breaks into tears talking about the wrestling coaching job he gave up to be there. But that’s the breaks, and he’s sent packing. Rampage doesn’t want to be around someone with “cooties on his neck.” Replacing Bradley will be Patrick Schultz, the elimination round non-standout who was previously choked out by Luke Zachrich.

Forrest chooses the first matchup: Jesse Taylor vs. Mike Dolce.

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Rumor: Nogueira, Mir To Coach Next Season of TUF

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira
(Big Nog insists on riding this gentleman everywhere, and it is his privilege to serve the champ in such a fashion)

An unofficial source tells Cage Potato that the coaches have been signed for the next season of The Ultimate Fighter, and they are none other than UFC heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and former champ Frank Mir.

Of course, this means that Mir will be getting the next shot at the heavyweight strap, and that the title will be out of circulation for a looooong time while they film, edit, and air the show.

This latest revelation might also shed some light on why the UFC has been purging its heavyweight roster. With this development off in the distance, they have less need for guys like Tim Sylvia and Jake O’Brien hanging around the water cooler down at the Zuffa headquarters.

While we’re a little disappointed that we won’t get to see Sylvia coach his own TUF team and try desperately to get them to like him, at least this might help introduce Big Nog to some of the newer fans of the sport. Next thing you know all the kids will be going crazy for the butterfly guard. Don’t think it can’t happen.

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Fightmetric Wants To Know, Would You Like Some Math With Your MMA?

Tekken
(If MMA were like this, Fightmetric would be perfect.)

Fightmetric wants to change the way you think, watch, and talk about MMA.

Their plan is very simple: they’ve created a litany of categories by which to keep stats in every fight, scoring the action based on a combination of qualitative and quantitative judgments, which they use to come up with a fighter’s TPR (Total Performance Rating), thus measuring his effectiveness and the quality of his performance.

Oh, wait. That isn’t simple at all. It’s really, really complicated.

Here’s the thing about Fightmetric: it’s not a bad idea, just an unnecessary one. I give them credit for being ambitious and creative and somehow managing to push their analysis onto Yahoo! and AOL. And I like that they’re trying to do something new. Seriously, I do. But at the same time, I just don’t see the point.

In a recent article on Yahoo! Sports, Fightmetric’s Rami Genauer performed an impressively thorough analysis of George St. Pierre’s career stats. Turns out, GSP has a median TPR of 90. Can you believe it? 90!

In case you’re wondering, that’s apparently pretty good. At the same time, it’s hard to foresee a time when internet forums will be abuzz with people arguing about the TPR’s of their favorite fighters.

Some of the stats seem legitimately interesting. For example, did you know that GSP is successful in 80% of his takedown attempts? That’s much better than the “average success rate” of 48%. His opponents are successful in taking him down only 17% of the time.

But what does that really tell us, that GSP has good takedown defense? Seems like I knew that just based on casual observation. Sports stats are useful primarily for purposes of nuanced comparison. In baseball, a guy with a .330 average is considered more valuable than someone hitting .280.

But comparing stats in fighting is more difficult because of the variable created by matchmaking. GSP, for example, has spent the majority of his career facing pretty tough competition. A TUF winner who gets fed tomato cans for a year and a half might have even better takedown stats, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a better fighter.

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If You’re Still Deciding Whether to Root for GSP or Serra…

For us, it really comes down to which goofy accent you find less annoying:


(Scene from The Pink Panther)

Or…


(Scene from Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolita Story)

We hope that helps. Let us know in the comments, or by taking our new poll. WAR hilarious regional dialects!

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