Triumph United CAPTION Contest: Fedor, Aleks, and Some Asian Kids

Fedor Emelianenko and Aleks Emelianenko

Here’s the thing about those Triumph United comment contests we’ve been running: Finding/deciding on the finalists was a pain in the ass, and then all you people would do is bitch about our lame sense of humor. So we’re going to switch it up this week with a good old-fashioned caption contest. The two readers who submit the funniest captions to the above picture by 4 p.m. ET on Friday will each get a Triumph United t-shirt of their choice. And seriously? Only those who enter will be allowed to complain later. You’re on my last good nerve right now…

Triumph United MMA Union
(“Union,” only available at TU.)


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159 COMMENTS to “Triumph United CAPTION Contest: Fedor, Aleks, and Some Asian Kids”

  1. s Says:

    The funny thinhg is these are average height asians

  2. Ian Says:

    The brothers Emelianenko prepare for a light, pre-training snack, while simultaneously reducing China’s on going population concerns. When asked to comment, Fedor simply said “they’re just giving them away at the border.”

  3. machidas awesome but overrated...seriously, tito will kick his ass Says:

    ALEKS: yummy…japanese food
    FEDOR: NO ALEKS!!! not food!!!

    and…

    little Asian kid 1: GODZILLA!!!
    little Asian kid 2: WHO KNEW GODZILLA HAD A BROTHER!!!

  4. KUPS Says:

    Must be hard up for sparring partners. No low blows happening here.

  5. MMA-hole Says:

    It was at that point that Fedor began to wonder…were his wife and Sakuraba more than just “friends”?

  6. I'll be sad to see tito win Says:

    Fedor and Aleks meet their next opponents…word is small asian child #1 recently went to a decision with Tim Sylvia

  7. Kimbo's Lice Says:

    “…The stars signify that I’ll never be brought to my knees. This spiderweb on my elbow signifies that I’ve committed murder in service to the brotherhood of thieves. The grim reaper and baby on my back…you know what, I probably shouldn’t be telling you kids all this.”

  8. Cory Says:

    On a recent tour of Affliction’s t-shirt factory, Fedor and Aleks misinterpreted their guide when he told them to “grab a few things ya like before you go”.

  9. Joe Son Says:

    Sometimes the best takedown defense is an armful of Asian kids.

  10. BIG CHRIS Says:

    “The hardest part about making camdbodian enchiladas is finding the right tortillas”

  11. Myles Kilometers Says:

    The Russian Happy Meal consists of two soulless Asian boys without shoes and the choice of one of two haircuts. Add another favored gendered child for just a buck.

  12. sarah Says:

    Fedor and Aleks are disappointed to discover that the Russian word for “prostitute” sounds eerily like the Chinese word for “orphan.”

  13. totaldb Says:

    Gives new meaning to the term ’sticky rice’

  14. Clit Eastwood Says:

    Fedor(left) and brother Aleks(right) can be seen with their children after spending many lonly *cough* nights in Japan during past pride events.

  15. JWBIII Says:

    The management at PRIDE was known to award fight winners with strange non-cash incentives.

  16. TH3SH3PH3RD Says:

    Pride Fighting trophies.

  17. Reece Says:

    Fedor may have a better rank when it comes to mma, but aleksander is still the champ when it comes to how many asians kids you can lift.

  18. Matt Herpes Says:

    “Alright, you got your photo? Can I put them down now? These fucking things smell like cabbage.”

  19. Brad Says:

    Fedor and Aleks stop by the Affliction sweat shop to thank the tailors.

  20. Jay Says:

    Fedor: I like these kids cause their heads are the same shape as mine

    Aleks: I like these kids cause their heads are the same shape as mine, plus this one up here has great fashion sense.

  21. clutch Says:

    asian kid in teal: ITS JESUS

  22. Marcio Says:

    “After destroying and killing their children in the ring, we have chosen to adapt them and russiannize them with our awful clothing.”

  23. Marcio C Says:

    “After destroying and killing their fathers in the ring, we have chosen to adapt them and russiannize them with our awful clothing.”

  24. ksgbobo Says:

    Great…these will do wonders for my Wong Tong soup!

  25. brain damage Says:

    the kid in orange is saying: “They made me bend down like this 2 times.”

  26. Blackleg Says:

    And you thought the brown ones were cheap!

  27. stingrza Says:

    In Soviet Russia, five children have YOU.

  28. Kevin Says:

    Fedor hand-picking his next easy opponent.

  29. Armbreaker Says:

    We didn’t know Japanese custom would require us to keep the kids after stomping their dads!

  30. IllegalUpKick Says:

    Once again Fedor and Aleks shock the world by signing with a new fledgling MMA organization, the “No Girls Allowed Championship”.

    The brothers took time to pose with the owners after the big announcement.

  31. b c Says:

    Fedor never thought the 5th round MMA toys were this life like….but they look nothing like Matt Hughes…

  32. OT Says:

    At the $en$ationally $ucce$$ful family-team promotion of CAGE POTATO: “MA$H-UP”, Elephantine Emelianenkos elevate the the Tiny “Techo Giants” (Hong Man Choi’s Lilliputians) with the double underhook before the Quintuple Sambo Slam.

  33. D-rock Says:

    The result of Fedor and Aleks f-cking up the Japanese for years. Time for those paternity tests boys.

  34. Bunk Says:

    He has this many fingers in my bad spot

  35. radsol Says:

    Fedor and Aleks’ training regimen for the upcoming Dream Matchup. If we can get enough of these kids it might just equal up to Tim Sylvia in height and experience.

  36. Douchebaggery Says:

    “yeah…we’re gonna fuck em…so?”

  37. jst4fun373 Says:

    Bradgelia hahahaha….its looks like alekdor (aleks, fedor) has caught on to the hollywood adoption phenomenon…

  38. Evil_Superman Says:

    Fedor and Aleks decide to find out just how many 5 year olds they can take.

  39. fightmagjohnny Says:

    In the rematch vs. FUJITA….FEDOR struck him so hard, he broke into 5 pieces.

  40. Vrax Says:

    The Emilianenko brothers shown here with fighter Shinya Aoki. We apologize for the blur effect of the stop motion camera, they couldn’t throw him around any more slowly.

  41. dabix Says:

    sex tourism sucks, just nobody dare to tell those two.

  42. sofian Says:

    We found these in the halls, go back and make gloves for Fedor so Fedor can smash

  43. Adam P. Knave Says:

    “They might be too squishy!”

    “Damn it, listen to me, I tell you they make the BEST gloves around! Just put your hand in one and try it out!”

  44. Evil_Superman Says:

    They provide more feedback than a side of beef, to bad they have to be replaced so often.

  45. Max Says:

    Fedor: “1 million per fight or these little fuckers are coming with us”

  46. Jared Says:

    “Fuck you angelina jolie we better be getting laid for this”

  47. JohnS Says:

    Paternity tests? I though that blood test was for our fighters license.

  48. T-Lo Says:

    Baby.. the other other white meat!!!

  49. tito...uggg Says:

    Aleks: So, how do I do this Randleplex thing again?
    Fedor: Here, I’ll show you…

    ————————————————————-

    Employing Fedor to fight in new super duper mma show: $2,000,000
    Renting Five small Japanese children (two day rate): $17
    Snapping Instant Photograph capturing memorable moments for the children: $1
    Enlisting five Japanese children as Fedor’s combined next opponent and therefore insuring his record continues in a growing direction: Priceless

    ————————————————————–
    oh, and by the way, sorry for going to the whole visa commercial thing, I know its overdone, but I thought it was fitting

  50. T-Lo Says:

    When we asked for some fresh meat this wasn’t what we had in mind…

  51. garzilla Says:

    why?

  52. -The Ox King- Says:

    Its tradition in Japan To take the children of the peaple you kill.

  53. Bizzle Says:

    The two brothers clearly did not remember drinking “that much” on their trip to China 5 years ago. None-the-less to show the kind of men they are, they assumed full responsibilty for their love children.

  54. totaldb Says:

    tito…uggg: its mastercard. and that was retarded.

  55. tree_choppa Says:

    “the brothers Emelianenko do some early christmas shopping for their buds brad and angelina”

    or

    “fedor had to search all corners of the globe for his next opponents”

  56. clitwizard Says:

    “yeah brother, i feel like asian tonight”

    alex says ” yeah fedor me gonna get SUM CREAM OF SUM YOUNG GUY”

  57. L Grant Says:

    Little Japanese kid: “You hit me 2 home runs Mr. Bonds-san!”

    ——

    After their Affliction pay cheques bounced, Fedor and brother Aleks, opened a Celebrity Adopted Child Delivery Service.

    ——

    Fedor:
    Aleks: “Hey, wait, we were each given three kids. Where’s your third kid bro?”

  58. Aptninja Says:

    Fedor collects on his bet with Hong Man Choi.

  59. TheRabidChild Says:

    New Internet Fad: Russian Mail-Order Single Dads

  60. Boneman Says:

    “Yo Bro….You said the “Dream” purses were going to be good..Whose going to by these trophies?..”

  61. SpennyG Says:

    The emelianenko brothers: Finally somebody is giving Bill Brasky a run for his money.

  62. Andy Says:

    AP News - Hong Kong: Witnesses report that Hong Man Choi has been identified as the real life embodiment of Captain Planet. The five children of mother Hwa Shih Chin, otherwise knowns as Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, and Heart have crafted him using special powered rings. The Chin children will be headlining against the brothers Emilianenko at M1 Global’s July event.

  63. newotnek Says:

    Due to an unforeseen financial crisis, Affliction has decided to pay fighters with they children of the sweatshop employees that manufacture $75 t-shirts.

  64. ossBASHA Says:

    “Fedor and Aleks rejoice as they’re told that they won’t have to pay child support”

  65. Fight Finder Says:

    The Emelianenko brothers illustrate just how “successful” they were in Japan

  66. bump Says:

    Fedor: Hey Brad Pitt, I’ll give you two asian kids to bang Angelina.
    Alexs: I’ll give you three.

  67. Mr. Blueblood Says:

    Hmmm, lets see if this works:

    —————————————————————————

    “Since adoption for homosexual couples is forbidden in Russia, the two lovers had to travel to japan, where the law is much more forgiving on the matter, to fullfill their lifelong dream of becoming “dad and dad”. They went home more than happy…”

  68. Steve Says:

    Breakfast.

  69. CaptinZed Says:

    “I don’t know why their so happy, just going to be hungry again in 5 minutes…”

  70. Nellyfb03 Says:

    Dream 5: Heavyweight GP (due to all the contract problems currently happening in the HW division, these were the only fighters that were dumb enough to fight the Fedor & Aleks)

  71. sol Says:

    Fedor has that look on his face like the kid just peed on him and he wants to murder him.
    Alex has that look on his face like the kid just peed on him and he is enjoying it.

  72. Afaceinthecrowd Says:

    “Russian Brothers Lose Paternity Suit”
    Judge orders manditory weekend visitation

  73. Than Says:

    Following Branjelina’s advice, the the Emelianenko brothers adopt 5 Cambodian children for sweatshop labor on their new clothing line.

  74. Kempo Fighter Says:

    Asian kids are to Russians what frogs are to the chinesse… and yes buy by the bulk and save. Fedor and Aleks are truly Frugal shoppers….

  75. Wiltzor Says:

    Aleks: Sign say 1 for $15 or 5 for $70. I am stupid to pass opportunity.

    Fedor: When this cameraman leaves, I kill you.

  76. George Says:

    “Fedor loves when the adoption center has a BOGO Sale!”

  77. MW1 Says:

    Fedor and Aleks prepare a REAL Breakfast.

  78. skidding Says:

    Question: What do Mark Coleman, Matt Lindland and these Japanese Orphans have in common?

    Fedor: They fight like little kids.

  79. WalksInTheDarkness Says:

    The Brothers Emelianenko pop out for a Chinese…

  80. pookysdabomb Says:

    This is the kind of infectious disease or allergic reation you get from only ever fighting in Asia!

  81. CP Fan Says:

    this just in, fedor and aleksander emelianenko have developed a rare case of yellow fever which also includes symptoms of pedophilia. Shown here in their treatment facility, the illness is better known by its common name - big trouble in little china

  82. Kim Couture is a cunt Says:

    “See Alex I told you Brad and Angelina had it good, we shoulda done this a long time ago, back to mother Russia!?

  83. Charles Says:

    ohhh nice to see where he mastered his armbars…

  84. BIG CHRIS Says:

    “Thanks for signing us to fight in your nest event Monte…to show you gratitude we bought you some lunch.”

  85. Sean Says:

    Fedor - Are you sure Michael Jackson got away with this crap?
    Alek - Yeah Yeah we just have to say we’re bringing them to Neverland!

  86. dleacock Says:

    who knew russians were so sticky

  87. BIG CHRIS Says:

    The main ingredient for Monte Cox’s favorite Jamba Juice flavor, 5 smiling cambodians….

  88. Ozzy Says:

    Fedor: “What?…You think Rampage was the only guy that like asian women?”

  89. Drew Says:

    Convinced Russian prisons are “for pussies”, Aleksander talks Fedor into helping him steal some Chinese children. Upon entering prison, Emelianenko was satisfied, but an hour later he was hungry for crime again.

  90. Moo Says:

    Maybe after the Tim Sylvia fight he can buy the rest of the family.

  91. Hacksaw Says:

    The only thing I’ve ever seen make either Emilianenko smile: Stealing orphans.

  92. chunk354 Says:

    the little kid in the orange on the far left is telling the cameraman hes going to chop off his dick with scissors

  93. Drew Says:

    The Emelianenkos visit the factory that makes their newest endorsement: Emelianenko Lead Paint and Toothpaste. All the workers (pictured) who conversed with the brothers were docked 1 year’s pay for leaving their stations. “Light time”, or the twenty minutes each day they are able to go outside, was also suspended for the offenders for six months. Finklestein is rumored to be netting most of the profits.

  94. operator Says:

    Damm bro we gotta stop going to all these Japanese orgies.

  95. Anonymous Says:

    Well it’s not as tasty as those Korean dog-noodle-bowls but new McJap stacker meals (either double or triple stacked for big Russian hunger) is sure to fill you up……Peace

  96. Canadian Says:

    Well it’s not as tasty as those Korean dog-noodle-bowls but new McJap stacker meals (either double or triple stacked for big Russian hunger) is sure to fill you up……Peace

  97. Kevin Says:

    In Leiu of a rematch, Hong Man Choi gave the Emalaniko Brothers His entire family

  98. tony@rbd Says:

    “Yes Affliction, we have the new labor force. Yes, they can probably come up the designs too.”

  99. dandaman Says:

    “The Cover Photo for Jonathan Swift’s ‘A Modest Proposal’”

  100. Bod Says:

    Fedor: I love that new meal at McDonald’s in Russia! McChinesekids!!!

    Aleks: Supersize that please!

  101. Anonymous Says:

    The Emelianenko Brothers face their toughest challenge: a pack of tiny asian toddlers.

    You can beat up one, two, maybe a dozen of them, but, eventually, the toddlers will overpower you, biting at your ankles, wiping their noses on you, etc. The Emperor and Grim Reaper will perish.

  102. shutupandfight Says:

    Aleks, Fedor…and 5 of Hong Man Chow’s sperm.

  103. Cleanshirt Says:

    The Maury Povich Show finally “jumps the shark”, when host Maury Povich accuses the formerly conjoined Emilanenko twins of fathering children with his own wife, esteemed newswoman Connie Chung.

  104. whatismmma Says:

    These are the children we caught with our “free candy” truck.l

  105. Derek Says:

    Having recently lost a a nacho-eating contest to elder brother #1 ranked heavyweight champion Fedor Emilianenko, heavyweight mixed martial artist Aleksander Emilianenko finally finds his niche in their 42nd head-to-head matchup: The Mongol Toddler Tickle-N-Carry.

  106. Toner Breath Says:

    SPUTNIPS!!

  107. Aptninja Says:

    Per Fedor’s contract, Aleksander Emelianenko also picks up some Chinese kids.

  108. Muffin Says:

    Fedor and the orphaned children of his opponents.

  109. KTFO Says:

    In light of the recent Michael Vick conviction brothers Fedor and Alex Emelienenko decide to retire there remaining assets in the russian underground ring of child pit-fighting.

  110. TPark Says:

    “Not only are we great frighters but we are great at child trafficking!”

  111. NealTaflinger Says:

    Fedor and Aleks scout possible opponents for New Year’s 2009.

  112. TPark Says:

    “Not only are we great fighters but we are great at child trafficking!”

  113. Sam Says:

    This week on Fighting Fedor…

  114. Mike Says:

    It’s cheaper than a graphing calculator…

  115. Brandon Says:

    Come on!…Do Math!

  116. Jessman Says:

    No kids, I won’t armbar your teacher…

  117. KTFO Says:

    In response to Brandon the non-original piece of repeating crap: That line was funny the first time I heard it on Family Guy.

  118. Charles Says:

    ”I told you bro we should have protect ourself with that chinese…”

  119. Charles Says:

    ”I told you bro we should have protect ourself with that chinese…”

  120. Brandon Says:

    You are not trying if you are not cheating…in response to KTFO…:P

  121. WalksInTheDarkness Says:

    Finally. the secret of the Emelianenko’s training regime is uncovered: a diet high in Chinese

  122. dandaman Says:

    Fedor “disposes” of his opponents right before his dog eating competition

  123. The Truth Says:

    “Are you sure, Fedor? Ve bring these to Ameri-ka and ve get to meet Brad and Angelina?”

  124. andres Says:

    Brad and angelina aint got shit on us!

  125. andres Says:

    The lady outside told us this was the kitchen!

  126. Participant Says:

    Fedor: I love giving back to the community.. especially working with the kids. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over.

    Aleks: Ya, I know what you mean.. just like vodk.. what the???

    And the Kodak moment unfolds:
    *Narrated by Bas Rutten*

    -The midget matching Aleks’ striped shirt douses him with organic ammonia which is an old “flight, fight or piss your pants” move learned by our primates.
    -The midget #92 has a tell every time he’s about to go #2.. Fedor should look out! Ahh it’s too late!

    Fedor: Keep smiling we’re on camera!

  127. Gillespie Says:

    After Kicking Godzilla’s Ass in DREAM 7, Fedor and his brother Aleks pose with a few survivors of the crowd

  128. Kel Says:

    Yes…these will do just fine

  129. Rock Says:

    Fedor and Aleks are such B.A.M.F.’s that they cannot have sex with women (due to the fact that when they just put the head in, women tap out immediately). This led them to the asian adoption agency where they looked to adopt all the boys in the great country of Asia. The plan is to prepare the young’ins for their new fight league. Fedor and Aleks squeezed the little boys so tight with love that their heads popped off! They are on their way to Africa next… Stay tuned…

  130. Trick Says:

    Take’n the kids for a WOK.

  131. Eric Says:

    ….and your Affliction Heavyweight Grand Prix participants….

  132. dabix Says:

    Ok we fight cans, but we’re still top notch when it comes to their numbers !

    ————–
    (here are my apologise to the brothers…)

  133. Seamus Says:

    This is what happened when Fedor and Aleks were asked to ‘hand pick’ their next opponents.

  134. Seamus Says:

    Fedor and Aleks with the latest babies from the next Ultimate Fighter Series.

  135. pat rules Says:

    *In reference to the chinese earthquake*

    “This is our good deed for the week!”

  136. the glza Says:

    now, the protein content is guaranteed in these, right?

  137. T-Bone Says:

    It rubs the chink on the skin or else it gets the hose again

  138. munson roy e Says:

    maybe fedor can get his $2m for selling these kids….i have no excuse for aleks though….he is just a perv.

  139. really...get more creative Says:

    seriously this is like ten comments with a hundred plus repeats…if you’re just repeating what someone else said, don’t bother…you suck, you’re officially number 2, and not even in a fun scat fetish kind of way (ok, yeah, threw up a little bit there)…so nevertheless, quit repeating everything other people say, yall suck for doing that, and you just make me feel bad for the mod who handles judging this contest

  140. Le sTeAkHAMmer Says:

    Not one funny comment,

  141. BMWtech Says:

    The Emelianenko brothers in their highly anticipated Hollywood debut. The 2009 remake of the classic Charlie and the Choclate Factory. Featuring the directoral debut of R. Kelly and Jason Lambert as the head oompa loompa.

  142. Erick Says:

    “Fedor and Aleksander just got voted off Milf island but they do not walk away empty handed.”

    “The Business Savvy Fedor and Aleksander stop by China to say ‘Ni hao’ to tax deductions”

    “One of every three kids in the world is Chinese.I look at my family and wonder… which one of us is it? Could be my brother John, or my brother Ho Chi Lang… but I think it’s John”

    “Phuk An’ Run is the little know chinese martial art of having a kid and making your opponent raise them”

  143. BIG CHRIS Says:

    Fedor and his brother are shown here heroically saving the sex slaves that Dana White ordered for his Vegas after party….

  144. MKXii Says:

    Little Giants 2
    -Mini Mixed Martial Arts-

  145. MKXii Says:

    The Ultimate Fighter 9 coaches hangin with the top prospects.

  146. D Biggles Says:

    Aleks & Fedor to waiter … Can we get some doggy bags for the road ? We always get hungry an hour after we eat chinese.

  147. Rumbler Says:

    It appears that sweat shop worker’s have started sewing themselves into the cloths they make.

  148. Bdizzle Says:

    You eat my dog, I eat your kids!!!!!

  149. Fatal Error Says:

    What, you thought we ate whey protein? Wrong! Chinese toddler diet FTW!!!

  150. SikSik6 Says:

    Show and Tell was never the same after Min Sun’s dad accepted a job at the Kremlin.

  151. POOKYSDABOMB Says:

    Chinese chicken pocks!

  152. Pantera Mojo Says:

    Aleks: I bought 3 of these.

    Fedor: I only bought 2.

  153. Baby Gnarwhal Says:

    Russia teams up with North Korea

  154. tony@rbd Says:

    GTA V Child Endangerment

  155. fedorsgaylover Says:

    I didn’t know Fedor and his bro were in the super adventurers club.

  156. newotnek Says:

    blah blah blah free t-shirt!!!!

  157. Jeff Says:

    Japanese support for mixed martial arts was proven to be as strong as ever as the Emelianenko brothers pause for a photo during a fan club meeting last tuesday.

  158. TU Contestant Says:

    Emelianenkos playing it up nice; smiling cause they think they’ve died and gone to heaven with the audience that built ‘em.

  159. gcw Says:

    i hope fedor trashes sylvia, though tim could give him some problems like he did big nog.
    http://mmafight.ca

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