Triumph United CAPTION Contest: Fedor, Aleks, and Some Asian Kids
Here’s the thing about those Triumph United comment contests we’ve been running: Finding/deciding on the finalists was a pain in the ass, and then all you people would do is bitch about our lame sense of humor. So we’re going to switch it up this week with a good old-fashioned caption contest. The two readers who submit the funniest captions to the above picture by 4 p.m. ET on Friday will each get a Triumph United t-shirt of their choice. And seriously? Only those who enter will be allowed to complain later. You’re on my last good nerve right now…
(“Union,” only available at TU.)
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May 14th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
The funny thinhg is these are average height asians
May 14th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
The brothers Emelianenko prepare for a light, pre-training snack, while simultaneously reducing China’s on going population concerns. When asked to comment, Fedor simply said “they’re just giving them away at the border.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
ALEKS: yummy…japanese food
FEDOR: NO ALEKS!!! not food!!!
and…
little Asian kid 1: GODZILLA!!!
little Asian kid 2: WHO KNEW GODZILLA HAD A BROTHER!!!
May 14th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Must be hard up for sparring partners. No low blows happening here.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
It was at that point that Fedor began to wonder…were his wife and Sakuraba more than just “friends”?
May 14th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Fedor and Aleks meet their next opponents…word is small asian child #1 recently went to a decision with Tim Sylvia
May 14th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
“…The stars signify that I’ll never be brought to my knees. This spiderweb on my elbow signifies that I’ve committed murder in service to the brotherhood of thieves. The grim reaper and baby on my back…you know what, I probably shouldn’t be telling you kids all this.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
On a recent tour of Affliction’s t-shirt factory, Fedor and Aleks misinterpreted their guide when he told them to “grab a few things ya like before you go”.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Sometimes the best takedown defense is an armful of Asian kids.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
“The hardest part about making camdbodian enchiladas is finding the right tortillas”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
The Russian Happy Meal consists of two soulless Asian boys without shoes and the choice of one of two haircuts. Add another favored gendered child for just a buck.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Fedor and Aleks are disappointed to discover that the Russian word for “prostitute” sounds eerily like the Chinese word for “orphan.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Gives new meaning to the term ’sticky rice’
May 14th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Fedor(left) and brother Aleks(right) can be seen with their children after spending many lonly *cough* nights in Japan during past pride events.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
The management at PRIDE was known to award fight winners with strange non-cash incentives.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Pride Fighting trophies.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Fedor may have a better rank when it comes to mma, but aleksander is still the champ when it comes to how many asians kids you can lift.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
“Alright, you got your photo? Can I put them down now? These fucking things smell like cabbage.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Fedor and Aleks stop by the Affliction sweat shop to thank the tailors.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Fedor: I like these kids cause their heads are the same shape as mine
Aleks: I like these kids cause their heads are the same shape as mine, plus this one up here has great fashion sense.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
asian kid in teal: ITS JESUS
May 14th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
“After destroying and killing their children in the ring, we have chosen to adapt them and russiannize them with our awful clothing.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
“After destroying and killing their fathers in the ring, we have chosen to adapt them and russiannize them with our awful clothing.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Great…these will do wonders for my Wong Tong soup!
May 14th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
the kid in orange is saying: “They made me bend down like this 2 times.”
May 14th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
And you thought the brown ones were cheap!
May 14th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
In Soviet Russia, five children have YOU.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Fedor hand-picking his next easy opponent.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
We didn’t know Japanese custom would require us to keep the kids after stomping their dads!
May 14th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Once again Fedor and Aleks shock the world by signing with a new fledgling MMA organization, the “No Girls Allowed Championship”.
The brothers took time to pose with the owners after the big announcement.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Fedor never thought the 5th round MMA toys were this life like….but they look nothing like Matt Hughes…
May 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
At the $en$ationally $ucce$$ful family-team promotion of CAGE POTATO: “MA$H-UP”, Elephantine Emelianenkos elevate the the Tiny “Techo Giants” (Hong Man Choi’s Lilliputians) with the double underhook before the Quintuple Sambo Slam.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
The result of Fedor and Aleks f-cking up the Japanese for years. Time for those paternity tests boys.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
He has this many fingers in my bad spot
May 14th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Fedor and Aleks’ training regimen for the upcoming Dream Matchup. If we can get enough of these kids it might just equal up to Tim Sylvia in height and experience.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
“yeah…we’re gonna fuck em…so?”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Bradgelia hahahaha….its looks like alekdor (aleks, fedor) has caught on to the hollywood adoption phenomenon…
May 14th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Fedor and Aleks decide to find out just how many 5 year olds they can take.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
In the rematch vs. FUJITA….FEDOR struck him so hard, he broke into 5 pieces.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
The Emilianenko brothers shown here with fighter Shinya Aoki. We apologize for the blur effect of the stop motion camera, they couldn’t throw him around any more slowly.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
sex tourism sucks, just nobody dare to tell those two.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
We found these in the halls, go back and make gloves for Fedor so Fedor can smash
May 14th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
“They might be too squishy!”
“Damn it, listen to me, I tell you they make the BEST gloves around! Just put your hand in one and try it out!”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
They provide more feedback than a side of beef, to bad they have to be replaced so often.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Fedor: “1 million per fight or these little fuckers are coming with us”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
“Fuck you angelina jolie we better be getting laid for this”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Paternity tests? I though that blood test was for our fighters license.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Baby.. the other other white meat!!!
May 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Aleks: So, how do I do this Randleplex thing again?
Fedor: Here, I’ll show you…
————————————————————-
Employing Fedor to fight in new super duper mma show: $2,000,000
Renting Five small Japanese children (two day rate): $17
Snapping Instant Photograph capturing memorable moments for the children: $1
Enlisting five Japanese children as Fedor’s combined next opponent and therefore insuring his record continues in a growing direction: Priceless
————————————————————–
oh, and by the way, sorry for going to the whole visa commercial thing, I know its overdone, but I thought it was fitting
May 14th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
When we asked for some fresh meat this wasn’t what we had in mind…
May 14th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
why?
May 14th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Its tradition in Japan To take the children of the peaple you kill.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
The two brothers clearly did not remember drinking “that much” on their trip to China 5 years ago. None-the-less to show the kind of men they are, they assumed full responsibilty for their love children.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
tito…uggg: its mastercard. and that was retarded.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
“the brothers Emelianenko do some early christmas shopping for their buds brad and angelina”
or
“fedor had to search all corners of the globe for his next opponents”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
“yeah brother, i feel like asian tonight”
alex says ” yeah fedor me gonna get SUM CREAM OF SUM YOUNG GUY”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Little Japanese kid: “You hit me 2 home runs Mr. Bonds-san!”
——
After their Affliction pay cheques bounced, Fedor and brother Aleks, opened a Celebrity Adopted Child Delivery Service.
——
Fedor:
Aleks: “Hey, wait, we were each given three kids. Where’s your third kid bro?”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Fedor collects on his bet with Hong Man Choi.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
New Internet Fad: Russian Mail-Order Single Dads
May 14th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
“Yo Bro….You said the “Dream” purses were going to be good..Whose going to by these trophies?..”
May 14th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
The emelianenko brothers: Finally somebody is giving Bill Brasky a run for his money.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
AP News - Hong Kong: Witnesses report that Hong Man Choi has been identified as the real life embodiment of Captain Planet. The five children of mother Hwa Shih Chin, otherwise knowns as Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, and Heart have crafted him using special powered rings. The Chin children will be headlining against the brothers Emilianenko at M1 Global’s July event.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Due to an unforeseen financial crisis, Affliction has decided to pay fighters with they children of the sweatshop employees that manufacture $75 t-shirts.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
“Fedor and Aleks rejoice as they’re told that they won’t have to pay child support”
May 14th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
The Emelianenko brothers illustrate just how “successful” they were in Japan
May 14th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Fedor: Hey Brad Pitt, I’ll give you two asian kids to bang Angelina.
Alexs: I’ll give you three.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Hmmm, lets see if this works:
—————————————————————————
“Since adoption for homosexual couples is forbidden in Russia, the two lovers had to travel to japan, where the law is much more forgiving on the matter, to fullfill their lifelong dream of becoming “dad and dad”. They went home more than happy…”
May 14th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Breakfast.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
“I don’t know why their so happy, just going to be hungry again in 5 minutes…”
May 14th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Dream 5: Heavyweight GP (due to all the contract problems currently happening in the HW division, these were the only fighters that were dumb enough to fight the Fedor & Aleks)
May 14th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Fedor has that look on his face like the kid just peed on him and he wants to murder him.
Alex has that look on his face like the kid just peed on him and he is enjoying it.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
“Russian Brothers Lose Paternity Suit”
Judge orders manditory weekend visitation
May 14th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Following Branjelina’s advice, the the Emelianenko brothers adopt 5 Cambodian children for sweatshop labor on their new clothing line.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Asian kids are to Russians what frogs are to the chinesse… and yes buy by the bulk and save. Fedor and Aleks are truly Frugal shoppers….
May 14th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Aleks: Sign say 1 for $15 or 5 for $70. I am stupid to pass opportunity.
Fedor: When this cameraman leaves, I kill you.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
“Fedor loves when the adoption center has a BOGO Sale!”
May 14th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Fedor and Aleks prepare a REAL Breakfast.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Question: What do Mark Coleman, Matt Lindland and these Japanese Orphans have in common?
Fedor: They fight like little kids.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
The Brothers Emelianenko pop out for a Chinese…
May 14th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
This is the kind of infectious disease or allergic reation you get from only ever fighting in Asia!
May 14th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
this just in, fedor and aleksander emelianenko have developed a rare case of yellow fever which also includes symptoms of pedophilia. Shown here in their treatment facility, the illness is better known by its common name - big trouble in little china
May 14th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
“See Alex I told you Brad and Angelina had it good, we shoulda done this a long time ago, back to mother Russia!?
May 14th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
ohhh nice to see where he mastered his armbars…
May 14th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
“Thanks for signing us to fight in your nest event Monte…to show you gratitude we bought you some lunch.”
May 14th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Fedor - Are you sure Michael Jackson got away with this crap?
Alek - Yeah Yeah we just have to say we’re bringing them to Neverland!
May 14th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
who knew russians were so sticky
May 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
The main ingredient for Monte Cox’s favorite Jamba Juice flavor, 5 smiling cambodians….
May 14th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Fedor: “What?…You think Rampage was the only guy that like asian women?”
May 14th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Convinced Russian prisons are “for pussies”, Aleksander talks Fedor into helping him steal some Chinese children. Upon entering prison, Emelianenko was satisfied, but an hour later he was hungry for crime again.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Maybe after the Tim Sylvia fight he can buy the rest of the family.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
The only thing I’ve ever seen make either Emilianenko smile: Stealing orphans.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
the little kid in the orange on the far left is telling the cameraman hes going to chop off his dick with scissors
May 14th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
The Emelianenkos visit the factory that makes their newest endorsement: Emelianenko Lead Paint and Toothpaste. All the workers (pictured) who conversed with the brothers were docked 1 year’s pay for leaving their stations. “Light time”, or the twenty minutes each day they are able to go outside, was also suspended for the offenders for six months. Finklestein is rumored to be netting most of the profits.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Damm bro we gotta stop going to all these Japanese orgies.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Well it’s not as tasty as those Korean dog-noodle-bowls but new McJap stacker meals (either double or triple stacked for big Russian hunger) is sure to fill you up……Peace
May 14th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Well it’s not as tasty as those Korean dog-noodle-bowls but new McJap stacker meals (either double or triple stacked for big Russian hunger) is sure to fill you up……Peace
May 14th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
In Leiu of a rematch, Hong Man Choi gave the Emalaniko Brothers His entire family
May 14th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
“Yes Affliction, we have the new labor force. Yes, they can probably come up the designs too.”
May 14th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
“The Cover Photo for Jonathan Swift’s ‘A Modest Proposal’”
May 14th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Fedor: I love that new meal at McDonald’s in Russia! McChinesekids!!!
Aleks: Supersize that please!
May 14th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
The Emelianenko Brothers face their toughest challenge: a pack of tiny asian toddlers.
You can beat up one, two, maybe a dozen of them, but, eventually, the toddlers will overpower you, biting at your ankles, wiping their noses on you, etc. The Emperor and Grim Reaper will perish.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Aleks, Fedor…and 5 of Hong Man Chow’s sperm.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
The Maury Povich Show finally “jumps the shark”, when host Maury Povich accuses the formerly conjoined Emilanenko twins of fathering children with his own wife, esteemed newswoman Connie Chung.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
These are the children we caught with our “free candy” truck.l
May 14th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Having recently lost a a nacho-eating contest to elder brother #1 ranked heavyweight champion Fedor Emilianenko, heavyweight mixed martial artist Aleksander Emilianenko finally finds his niche in their 42nd head-to-head matchup: The Mongol Toddler Tickle-N-Carry.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
SPUTNIPS!!
May 14th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Per Fedor’s contract, Aleksander Emelianenko also picks up some Chinese kids.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Fedor and the orphaned children of his opponents.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
In light of the recent Michael Vick conviction brothers Fedor and Alex Emelienenko decide to retire there remaining assets in the russian underground ring of child pit-fighting.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
“Not only are we great frighters but we are great at child trafficking!”
May 14th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Fedor and Aleks scout possible opponents for New Year’s 2009.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
“Not only are we great fighters but we are great at child trafficking!”
May 14th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
This week on Fighting Fedor…
May 14th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
It’s cheaper than a graphing calculator…
May 14th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Come on!…Do Math!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
No kids, I won’t armbar your teacher…
May 14th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
In response to Brandon the non-original piece of repeating crap: That line was funny the first time I heard it on Family Guy.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
”I told you bro we should have protect ourself with that chinese…”
May 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
”I told you bro we should have protect ourself with that chinese…”
May 14th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
You are not trying if you are not cheating…in response to KTFO…:P
May 14th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Finally. the secret of the Emelianenko’s training regime is uncovered: a diet high in Chinese
May 15th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Fedor “disposes” of his opponents right before his dog eating competition
May 15th, 2008 at 12:27 am
“Are you sure, Fedor? Ve bring these to Ameri-ka and ve get to meet Brad and Angelina?”
May 15th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Brad and angelina aint got shit on us!
May 15th, 2008 at 12:36 am
The lady outside told us this was the kitchen!
May 15th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Fedor: I love giving back to the community.. especially working with the kids. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over.
Aleks: Ya, I know what you mean.. just like vodk.. what the???
And the Kodak moment unfolds:
*Narrated by Bas Rutten*
-The midget matching Aleks’ striped shirt douses him with organic ammonia which is an old “flight, fight or piss your pants” move learned by our primates.
-The midget #92 has a tell every time he’s about to go #2.. Fedor should look out! Ahh it’s too late!
Fedor: Keep smiling we’re on camera!
May 15th, 2008 at 3:51 am
After Kicking Godzilla’s Ass in DREAM 7, Fedor and his brother Aleks pose with a few survivors of the crowd
May 15th, 2008 at 4:01 am
Yes…these will do just fine
May 15th, 2008 at 4:59 am
Fedor and Aleks are such B.A.M.F.’s that they cannot have sex with women (due to the fact that when they just put the head in, women tap out immediately). This led them to the asian adoption agency where they looked to adopt all the boys in the great country of Asia. The plan is to prepare the young’ins for their new fight league. Fedor and Aleks squeezed the little boys so tight with love that their heads popped off! They are on their way to Africa next… Stay tuned…
May 15th, 2008 at 5:24 am
Take’n the kids for a WOK.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:25 am
….and your Affliction Heavyweight Grand Prix participants….
May 15th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Ok we fight cans, but we’re still top notch when it comes to their numbers !
————–
(here are my apologise to the brothers…)
May 15th, 2008 at 6:01 am
This is what happened when Fedor and Aleks were asked to ‘hand pick’ their next opponents.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Fedor and Aleks with the latest babies from the next Ultimate Fighter Series.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:34 am
*In reference to the chinese earthquake*
“This is our good deed for the week!”
May 15th, 2008 at 6:40 am
now, the protein content is guaranteed in these, right?
May 15th, 2008 at 7:05 am
It rubs the chink on the skin or else it gets the hose again
May 15th, 2008 at 7:45 am
maybe fedor can get his $2m for selling these kids….i have no excuse for aleks though….he is just a perv.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:59 am
seriously this is like ten comments with a hundred plus repeats…if you’re just repeating what someone else said, don’t bother…you suck, you’re officially number 2, and not even in a fun scat fetish kind of way (ok, yeah, threw up a little bit there)…so nevertheless, quit repeating everything other people say, yall suck for doing that, and you just make me feel bad for the mod who handles judging this contest
May 15th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Not one funny comment,
May 15th, 2008 at 8:19 am
The Emelianenko brothers in their highly anticipated Hollywood debut. The 2009 remake of the classic Charlie and the Choclate Factory. Featuring the directoral debut of R. Kelly and Jason Lambert as the head oompa loompa.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:23 am
“Fedor and Aleksander just got voted off Milf island but they do not walk away empty handed.”
“The Business Savvy Fedor and Aleksander stop by China to say ‘Ni hao’ to tax deductions”
“One of every three kids in the world is Chinese.I look at my family and wonder… which one of us is it? Could be my brother John, or my brother Ho Chi Lang… but I think it’s John”
“Phuk An’ Run is the little know chinese martial art of having a kid and making your opponent raise them”
May 15th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Fedor and his brother are shown here heroically saving the sex slaves that Dana White ordered for his Vegas after party….
May 15th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Little Giants 2
-Mini Mixed Martial Arts-
May 15th, 2008 at 11:19 am
The Ultimate Fighter 9 coaches hangin with the top prospects.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Aleks & Fedor to waiter … Can we get some doggy bags for the road ? We always get hungry an hour after we eat chinese.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
It appears that sweat shop worker’s have started sewing themselves into the cloths they make.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
You eat my dog, I eat your kids!!!!!
May 15th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
What, you thought we ate whey protein? Wrong! Chinese toddler diet FTW!!!
May 15th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Show and Tell was never the same after Min Sun’s dad accepted a job at the Kremlin.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Chinese chicken pocks!
May 15th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Aleks: I bought 3 of these.
Fedor: I only bought 2.
May 16th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Russia teams up with North Korea
May 16th, 2008 at 6:54 am
GTA V Child Endangerment
May 16th, 2008 at 7:42 am
I didn’t know Fedor and his bro were in the super adventurers club.
May 16th, 2008 at 9:59 am
blah blah blah free t-shirt!!!!
May 16th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Japanese support for mixed martial arts was proven to be as strong as ever as the Emelianenko brothers pause for a photo during a fan club meeting last tuesday.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Emelianenkos playing it up nice; smiling cause they think they’ve died and gone to heaven with the audience that built ‘em.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
i hope fedor trashes sylvia, though tim could give him some problems like he did big nog.
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