(Anderson Silva: Pound-for-pound the worst liar in the world.)

— Chuck Liddell’s hamstring injury, which forced him to pull out of a match against Rashad Evans at UFC 85, isn’t looking good. “He can barely bend over and tie his shoe,” Dana White said. “He tore his leg real bad. It’s pretty nasty.” As of now, there’s no official estimate on how long it will take for the Iceman to recover and return to the Octagon.

— A welterweight bout between Tamdan “AFC” McCrory and Luke Cummo is expected to go down at UFC 87. Both men are coming off losses — to Akihiro Gono and Luigi Fioravanti, respectively — and if this isn’t a “win or get fired” match, we don’t know what is. (Update: Cheick Kongo and BodogFight/Gladiator Challenge vet Dan Evensen are also expected to meet at UFC 87.) In other fight-booking news, a lightweight match between Spencer Fisher (who most recently lost to Frankie Edgar by decision at UFC 78) and Jeremy Stephens (who most recently TKO’d Cole Miller at UFC Fight Night 12) has been added to the Ultimate Fighter 7 finale (June 21st, Las Vegas).

— Remember that two-day seminar that Anderson Silva was supposed to do this weekend at Miletich Fighting Systems Houston? Well, he backed out at the last minute, citing “personal family health issues.” Turns out Silva was in Miami doing a two-day seminar at the grand opening of his own school. Said Alex Lopera of MFS Houston, “If this is true then we have been completely mislead and as you can imagine we are furious at this. We are doing our due diligence to confirm that this is really happening. If this is true we will take all legal recourse possible.” Busted!

— Tito Ortiz predicts that at UFC 84 there will be “about 16,000, probably 15,999 [fans] that will be screaming about Tito and there will be that one person that’s hating on me.” Sure, but he’ll be hating on you so loud that it’ll seem like thousands of people, all over the arena. That son-of-a-bitch and his voice-throwing…

(Lesnar socks Frank Mir with one of his XXXXL gloves at UFC 81.)

The UFC released an official statement late last night on UFC.com announcing that the heavyweight fight between ex-WWE star Brock Lesnar and UFC Hall-of-Famer Mark Coleman will be the official headlining match for UFC 87, which has been dubbed “Seek and Destroy.” UFC 87 will take place August 9th at the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota; tickets go on sale next Sunday at noon CT. Considering that Lesnar and Roger Huerta (who will face Kenny Florian in a #1 lightweight contender eliminator match on the same card) are both based in the Minneapolis area, you should expect those tickets to sell out fast. But hey, there’s always the UFC’s official bloodsucking scalpers “fan to fan ticket marketplace” StubHub.

Coleman expressed excitement at his matchup with Brock Lesnar and his return to the Octagon, but it doesn’t sound like the Hammer’s game plan is to outwrestle the 265-pound dick-tatooed beast. “I’ll be up against a bigger, stronger wrestler for the first time, and they know this fight will be extremely intense from the start,” Coleman said. “But I didn’t take this fight to lose, I expect to win and win by knockout.” Said Lesnar: “It’s an honor to get a chance to fight Coleman, he’s a legend and he’s made history fighting all over the world. I know he is going to come into this fight in great condition, looking to re-establish himself as a top contender in the UFC. It’s going to be a challenge, and I’m looking forward to it.”

(Babyface Barnett sticks it to the Snowman.)

World Victory Road’s “Sengoku II: Second Battle” event was held today in Tokyo, with Josh Barnett dominating Jeff Monson to a decision victory, Kevin Randleman winning a decision in his first fight since October 2006, and heavyweight rising star Roger Gracie scoring a first-round submission win in his second pro MMA bout. Props to Sherdog. More vids after the jump.

Josh Barnett def. Jeff Monson via decision
Roger Gracie def. Yuki Kondo via submission (rear-naked choke), round 1
Kevin Randleman def. Ryo Kawamura via decision
Yoshihiro “Kiss” Nakao def. Jim York via KO, round 2
Jorge Santiago def. Yuki Sasaki via submission (armbar), round 3
Eiji Mitsuoka def. Kwang Hee Lee via submission (rear-naked choke), round 1
Mike Pyle def. Dan Hornbuckle via submission (triangle choke), round 1
Satoru Kitaoka def. Ian Schaffa via submission (guillotine choke), round 1

(If Taco Bell is looking for a fighter to sponsor, they may have found their man.)

There’s no getting around it, Roy Nelson is fat. He doesn’t just have a little extra padding. He isn’t chunky. The man’s got a body like a hastily packed duffel bag. Just looking at him, he seems like someone who’s face you might get all up into if he spilled his beer on you at a tractor pull. Of course, judging by some of his recent fights you’d probably end up face down in the parking lot, but that’s what you get for going to tractor pulls and causing trouble.

Nelson needed just under three minutes to stop Brad Imes at last night’s IFL event, retaining his heavyweight title after out-slugging the 6’7″ Imes. Nelson has yet to go beyond the first round in a title defense, begging the question, will the IFL have to go searching for more credible opponents to face “Big Country”? Imes was brought in as a last minute replacement for Brandon Lee Hinkle (who can also hardly be said to be credible), but as Nelson keeps knocking out the heavyweight ringers, the competition needs to improve before we know how good he really is.

Nelson said afterwards that he considers himself in the top five of the heavyweight division, and suggested that maybe if he quit fighting for a while he might finally break into some of those top ten lists. It seems to have worked for Ben Rothwell, who Nelson lost a narrow decision to a little over a year ago.

In other IFL action, Ryan Schultz outpointed a game Deividas Taurosevicius, who proved to be the anti-Kalib Starnes when he broke his foot in the first round and yet didn’t turn the fight into a track meet as a result. As a matter of fact, he kept coming forward, supplying offense, and, you know, fighting despite the injury. Imagine that.

Full results after the jump.

EDIT: Roy Nelson vs. Brad Imes video added (props MMA Scraps)

(Kenny Chesney, come get your motherfucking award, man.)

Quick, what awards show is Kimbo Slice least qualified to be a presenter at? Don’t think about it, just answer. If you said Country Music Awards, you are correct. You are also about to be totally baffled.

According to Si.com, Kimbo will be at the CMA’s to hand out an award to some terrified country singer who will no doubt be oscillating between joy at having won an award and confusion as to why Mr. T was the one to thrust it into his sweaty hands.

Now, I don’t watch that many awards shows, but don’t they usually have presenters who are a) somehow involved in that field, or b) mainstream celebrities who are recognizable to the people watching/attending the awards show?

Of course, this makes a certain kind of sense when you realize that the CMA’s are on CBS, and according to Gary Shaw, CBS loves Kimbo so much that they “put that eye right on [him].” Um, that would be the CBS eye logo that Shaw is referring to there.

And thinking of that eye logo as a disembodied force that looks upon future talent for the network, like some kind of omniscient spotlight from the heavens? Yeah, that’s a very disturbing image. Thanks, Gary.

(Carina Damm: pioneer)

It’s almost always a good thing to be the first woman to do something. That’s because usually, if a woman hasn’t done that thing yet, it means that it’s either really hard or men have been real jerks about it and kept women out like ten-year-olds with a clubhouse. Well, Brazilian Carina Damm just etched her name in the record books by becoming the first female MMA figher to test positive for steroids. That is not the clubhouse you want to be hanging out in. Not unless you love powerlifting and back acne.

Sherdog reported today that Damm tested positive for Nandrolone (that’s right, the same thing Sean Sherk tested positive for) after her April 3 victory over Sophie Bagherdai at Femme Fatale Fighting 4 in Los Angeles. This news comes at a particularly bad time for Damm, since she was recently signed to take on Debi Purcell on an Elite XC card on June 27. Purcell seemed annoyed, though not surprised by the news:

(“FU2,” available only at Triumph United.)

Good goddamn work, people: With over 150 entries, this week’s caption contest was our most popular ever, and so many of them were LOLworthy. I must say I was surprised by how many of you referenced Brad Pitt and Angelina Joile — I’m not judging, I was just a little taken aback, that’s all. Thanks again to Triumph United for making this possible. Now onto the honorable mentions…

MMA-hole: It was at that point that Fedor began to wonder…were his wife and Sakuraba more than just “friends”?

Brad: Fedor and Aleks stop by the Affliction sweat shop to thank the tailors.

Toner Breath: SPUTNIPS!! [Ed. note: I racked my brain trying to think of a good one-word pun for this picture. Toner Breath's is kind of horrible, but I give him mad props for trying. And judging from the exclamation points, he was also pretty psyched that he thought of it.]

Mike: It’s cheaper than a graphing calculator.

Erick: “Phuk An’ Run is the little-known Chinese martial art of having a kid and making your opponent raise them.”

Kimbo’s Lice: “…The stars signify that I’ll never be brought to my knees. This spiderweb on my elbow signifies that I’ve committed murder in service to the brotherhood of thieves. The grim reaper and baby on my back…you know what, I probably shouldn’t be telling you kids all this.”

And the winners are…

Dude, how slick is this? I didn’t care about Mike Whitehead until just now, when I learned that he enjoys head-butting through glass. They may have spelled “Lindland” wrong, but Josh Barnett’s classic throat-slashing thing and the voice of Michael Buffer more than make up for it. Whatever you’re selling, we’ll take two!

(Props: MMAScraps)

(Maybe the UFC can get this guy out of retirement.)

So, another thing that Dana White said during that conference call yesterday that was otherwise dominated by BJ Penn’s incredible trash-talk, was that Germany is next on the list of countries that the UFC is looking to expand into, followed by the Philippines and Australia. White also said “we’re starting to focus on doing something in Brazil…because there’s a lot of interesting economical things going on down there right now.”

Doing an event in Brazil has an obvious logic to it, given the history of the sport and the popularity it still enjoys there. But Germany? UFC 83′s incredibly positive reception in Montreal indicated that a popular local champion will get crowds fired up more than anything else — it was the missing element that recent UFC events held in the U.K. lacked, which may be why those cards weren’t nearly as successful. But UFC 75 and 80 were at least filled out with British scrappers who were somewhat recognizable. Off the top of your head, without using Google, how many Germany-based mixed martial artists could you name? I mean, I could probably name a couple guys that are German in the same way that Marcus Davis is Irish, but unless they want to re-brand Mac Danzig as “The Berlin Bad Boy,” it seems like it’ll be a hard sell, both for the local German audience, and the American fans watching at home who have to sit through a card stacked with Jerry Nobodies.

(Better lawyer up, California State Athletic Commission)

After Sean Sherk lost his appeal with the California State Athletic Commission he vowed that things weren’t over. At the time it sounded like one of those things you say to make yourself feel better, like when you get fired from a job and vow to come back and burn the place to the ground. You don’t really intend on doing it; you just don’t want someone else to think they’ve gotten the last word.

But apparently Sean Sherk is the kind of guy who makes that angry vow and doesn’t let it go. He told MMA Weekly recently that he is still considering legal action against the CSAC once he gets this whole reclaiming the lightweight title business behind him. You know, just tying up some loose ends.

“Right now, basically, I was cleared to fight, had a date in mind, had a goal in mind and so I just wanted to first off get this fight out of the way and get my career back on track,” said Sherk during a recent appearance on MMAWeekly Radio. “And there’s no statute of limitations as far as how long I have to do this thing by, so I’m still talking to my lawyer. We’re still working some stuff out, and after this fight, maybe that’s something that we can go back to.”

Not exactly sure what legal grounds Sherk has to go after the CSAC, or what he hopes to gain in the process, but if I were Sherk’s legal counsel I might advise him to let it go and move on. He has said repeatedly that he’ll never fight again in the state of California. If he sticks to that, won’t they have been punished enough?

(‘Oh, no. That chili dog ain’t sitting right.’)

It’s been a busy week for Elite XC’s Gary Shaw. Between hyping his organization’s live show on CBS and condescending to his female fighters, it’s a wonder he finds time for anything else. But Shaw bravely continued with his white-Don-King-in-a-track-suit act during yesterday’s conference call with Robbie Lawler and Scott Smith.

When talk turned to how strange it was that a title fight between Scott Smith and Robbie Lawler (who is frequently ranked in the top ten at middleweight) was playing second fiddle to the main event featuring Kimbo Slice and James Thompson (who is coming off two straight KO losses), Shaw tried to put things in perspective:

I want to address one other thing because somebody asked a question about ratings. I think all the ratings are flawed. I’ve gone on record as saying that. They’re basically ratings of the UFC fighters. The UFC has some very, very fine fighters and has put on some fine fights. EliteXC has some fine fighters and we’ve put on some great fights.

So, the rankings aren’t really what they should be because until the UFC is willing to put their fighters up against our fighters, then the rankings will always be flawed.

Let me see if I understand this: the rankings of guys like Lawler and Smith are flawed because they are essentially UFC rankings. Even though, depending on whose rankings you use, somewhere in the neighborhood of half the top ten middleweights (just to cite one weight class) fight outside the UFC. And the rankings will never be legitimate until the UFC allows their fighters to face Elite XC fighters.

That’s an interesting argument. For one, it’s a line of reasoning that clearly benefits Elite XC. For another, both Lawler and Smith are former UFC fighters, so in that sense the UFC has put their fighters up against Elite XC’s. Smith was shown the door after being submitted by Ed Herman last June, and Herman is nowhere near anyone’s top ten. So…how are the rankings flawed, exactly?

The Irish Hand Grenade says he has impeccable timing, and can knock you out with one punch. He’s also expecting a better Mike Swick at UFC 85 than the one who grabbed a narrow decision against Josh Burkman at UFC Fight Night 12. For Swick’s sake, we hope he’s right

Kaitlin Young pulls around a pickup truck (among other hardcore shit) at API Training Center, in preparation for her fight against Gina Carano on May 31st. Not sure what’s up with the Enya music at the beginning, but my back is killing me just watching this.

As many of you are probably unaware, there’s an IFL event going down tonight in Uncasville, CT, which will feature Roy Nelson defending his heavyweight title against Brad Imes, and Ryan Schultz defending his lightweight belt against Deividas Taurosevicius. (You can watch the action live on HDNet beginning at 8:30 p.m. ET.) And here’s something you might not know about the IFL: They require all their fighters to get shitty tattoos on their shoulders. Honestly — the photos from the weigh-ins prove it. My favorite is Matt Horwich‘s (above left), which is a screaming pencil with musical notes coming out of its eraser. More insane ink after the jump.

NBC Sports is putting out some good MMA-related video these days. The Pulver-Faber stuff might be old news to some of you, but fast-forward to the 5:55 mark for a pretty well-put together segment on “A Day in the Life of Chris Horodecki.” The special effects during the fight clips are annoying, but what can you do.

Also, Sean Tompkins’ hair is really blond. I realize this might sound like a stupid question, but does he die it to purposely make it look like that, or is it the lights in the arena or something? You know what, nevermind. I don’t really want to hear your answers, you smart-asses.

UFC president Dana White participated in a media conference call along with B.J. Penn and Sean Sherk this afternoon, and we learned a little something about everyone before it was all said and done. For instance, is it awkward for Sherk and Penn to be on a call together after everything they’ve said about one another in the past few weeks? Kind of, yeah.

For instance, B.J. Penn is legitimately angry about Sean Sherk’s (alleged) steroid use. And no, there doesn’t seem to be any doubt in his mind about Sherk’s guilt:

“As a guy who’s never taken performance-enhancing drugs, I’m used to waking up everyday and being sore and being in pain, and to think that someone out there is using performance-enhancing drugs, it bothers me. I’m a purist. I live to fight. I really think I’m a better fighter than I am an athlete. To think that someone would take this pure thing that I love and pervert that, I can’t deal with it.”

Sherk responded, sounding more tired of steroid questions than anything else:

“I know what I did and I know what I didn’t do. I went above and beyond what I needed to do to prove my innocence. I think anyone who looks at the evidence knows that. I think the commission knows I didn’t do it. They shorted my suspension, but they didn’t want to overturn it because then they have to worry about a lawsuit.”

And here’s where it got a little uncomfortable.

From last night’s episode of TUF; props to MMATKO.

Our beloved content partners at MMARated have some new shots of Georges St. Pierre and Roger Huerta training together at Greg Jackson’s camp in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Jackson is known as a game-plan master, and hopefully Huerta is picking up some solid tips on how to deal with Kenny Florian’s style when they meet on August 9th. (Our game-plan would be to stay as far away from Florian’s elbows as humanly possible.) Click here for the full set, and while you’re there, we recommend checking out Ariel Helwani’s interview with one of our favorite ring girls, Nicole Craner.

By the way, if any of you knuckleheads think “those are the gayest pictures I’ve seen all day,” we have but one thing to say…

(Photoshop continues to make its case for best invention ever.)

We know, you’re getting sick of all the Affliction news lately. So are we, but this is too good to ignore. Si.com’s Josh Gross is reporting that former UFC heavyweight champ Andrei Arlovski could sign with Affliction as early as May 19 if the UFC decides not to match the offer. That fits right in with what we’ve been hearing, which is that Arlovski vs. Ben Rothwell is all but official.

Gross points out that if this comes to fruition Arlovski will be the third former heavyweight champ to leave the UFC in eight months. He’ll also be the only one to complete all fights on his current contract and wait out the negotiating period. Expect more information on the Arlovski front when Affliction holds their first press conference in Los Angeles next week.

But wait, there’s more. Fox Sports Net executive George Greenberg is also expected to attend the press conference, which suggests the possibility of Affliction having some connection to the cable network that has been particularly friendly to MMA in the past. Could FSN end up airing the non-pay-per-view portion of Affliction’s first event on July 19? Gross seems to think so.

Greenberg was instrumental in getting the IFL and Pride on FSN, as well as making The Best Damn Sports Show one of the first mainstream sports programs to include MMA coverage. If FSN is really cozying up to Affliction, the question then becomes whether they’ll air the event live or revert back to the tape-delay format they used for the IFL.

We voted in favor of “live.” Then we were informed that because we have no connection to FSN, we don’t get a vote. Really bummed us out.

(‘I am happy to be in your Square of Time! You give me money now, yes?’)

Here’s a strange twist for you: an MMA promoter is trying to downplay how much one of his fighters is making. After years of Dana White trying to convince us all that UFC fighters are paid better than we think, it’s something of a surprise to hear Affliction VP Tom Atencio doing his best to quiet the rumors about just how much they’re paying Fedor Emelianenko.

Atencio told MMA Weekly that reports of Fedor making somewhere between $1.5-2 million to fight for them were “all rumors.”

“It’s a considerable amount of money, but it’s not what everybody says,” Atencio said.

So what is a considerable amount of money? Earlier reports had Tim Sylvia making somewhere in the neighborhood of $800,000. If that’s true, one has to assume that Fedor is getting at least $1 million, especially considering that his asking price has been notoriously high since leaving Pride. Monte Cox recently speculated that Affliction’s fighter payroll for their first show could be the biggest in the history of MMA, and while Atencio didn’t confirm that, he did say that he does not expect the company to turn a profit with their first offering:

“I don’t see how anybody can,” he said. “The only people who are making money in this business are the UFC and Scott Coker with Strikeforce. Do we plan on making money this first show? Absolutely not. The second and third? Hopefully.”

Losing money now to make money later. Such has been the rallying cry of MMA startups from the IFL to Elite XC, and yet that profitable point in the future has eluded both of them so far. It’s like Creedence says, “Someday never comes.” Tell it, brother.

MMA Junkie reports that the UFC and SpikeTV are finalizing details for UFC Fight Night 14, which will take place on September 17th and will lead in to the season premiere of The Ultimate Fighter 8, which beings filming this month. Though no names have been announced yet, the UFC has already begun contacting fighters for UFN 14, which could possibly be held in Florida.

Speaking of TUF 8, the Las Vegas Review-Journal says that the fight between the season’s coaches — UFC interim heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir — will be held “probably on New Year’s weekend.” Oddly enough, nobody from the UFC has told Nogueira yet that he’ll definitely be fighting Mir in his first title defense. “Next week I will have a meeting with the UFC directors in order to find out everything about the reality show,” he said. “Maybe I’ll find about my next fight.”

Nogueira is currently assembling his team of assistant coaches for the show, and has already mentioned Amaury Bitteti and his twin brother Antonio Rogerio as guys you might see in Team Minotauro’s corner. We can only hope Nogueira’s partner at Ultimate MMA shows up once in a while to teach the TUF castmembers crazy shit like this:

(Sadollah about to get Harrisplexed.)

Every Thursday morning, Team Rampage member Gerald Harris blogs his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter. And this was the one we’ve been waiting for — the night Gerald actually gets to fight. But despite his early domination against Amir Sadollah, things didn’t turn out the way he’d hoped. Read below for Gerald’s rundown of the fight and how he felt about it, and give him a shout at his MySpace page.

***

It’s 8:58 p.m. and I’m staring at the clock hoping that it doesn’t click to 9:00. I’m sitting on the couch with my friends because every Wednesday we get together to watch the show. It was cool for the first couple weeks, but this one was different — I wasn’t smiling as much and I wasn’t excited. No one noticed and things went on as they did in the past. I’m flooded with text messages, phone calls, and high fives from my friends when the fight picks are announced. The fight starts and people are sending texts, calls, and jumping up and down as I slam and strike Amir the entire first round. Then it happens — “Bam,” in a quick flash — the fight’s over. You talk about silence? No one said a word for about 15 minutes, my phone stopped ringing, and nobody even looked at me. I broke the silence by saying “I’m sorry that I let y’all down, but it’s not over.” They’ve all seen the show and the success of fighters who got a second chance or at least earned a career in the UFC.

Now, let me take you back a couple months before I got there. I trained my ass off, running miles in the morning, and never missed Team Quest practice unless it was an emergency. I dreamed about holding The Ultimate Fighter trophy as Dana handed it to me and joining the ranks of Stevenson, Griffin, Evans, and many others. I was also doing bad financially and could barely afford to support my family, so winning those fights would help me provide for them. I’m the father of two and that’s how I feed them; this is my life, and the only thing that I do to earn money. When I lost that fight I felt like I let everyone down, I didn’t earn money to feed my kids, and lost the chance to become the next Ultimate Fighter. Once I took a deep breath and talked to Rampage I realized that it was ok. I still have a future in the UFC and a possible second chance to get into the tournament. During the fight I injured my ankle and scratched my eye, but that healed in a few days — the doc cleared me as good to go.

(Photo courtesy of Sherdog.com)

I know what you’re thinking, ‘He just wrote that headline for the purposes of search engine optimization. He’s shameless.’ Normally, you’d be right (although if I really wanted to boost our SEO, I would’ve found a way to work ‘porn’ in there, and don’t think I didn’t consider it). But this particular headline, on this particular day, has the added benefit of being true.

Sherdog reported today that MMA fighter George Bush tested positive for marijuana following his decision loss to Ricco Rodriguez at the first (and hopefully last ever) YAMMA event on April 11. The loss was Bush’s first in six pro fights, and the positive test ensured that he won’t get a shot at redemption for at least ninety days as he rides out his suspension.

Said Bush:

“I just found out a few days ago, and needless to say, I’m very surprised and disappointed. I accept full responsibility for my actions, and I assure the fans that this will never happen again.”

First, how surprised could he be? Does he mean surprised he got caught, because he really thought that special tea he bought at GNC would clean the weed out of his system? Second, at least this George Bush can admit when he’s wrong. Hi-yo! I look forward to your comments.

In other news…

(Skulls. Bats. Spooky trees. A skeleton navigating the River Styx. Modeled by a guy with a bunch of tattoos. Yep, everything here seems to be in order.)

That’s right, Affliction is coming to your city…for a press conference…if your city is Los Angeles or New York. Okay, so for the vast majority of you, Affliction is not coming to your city except on the backs of the guys who are coming out of the tanning salon and headed straight for the club, but that’s no reason not to get excited.

The organization announced today that they’ll be stopping in Century City’s Westfield Mall on May 20 (weird, that’s the same day tickets for the July 19 event in Anaheim go on sale!) at 12:30 p.m., then it’s off to NYC’s Trump Tower on May 22 at 10:30 a.m.

In case you’re worried that these “press conferences” will only be open to members of the press, never fear. Both events are open to the public. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were even a few t-shirts for sale. You know, if you ask nicely.

Affliction will be bringing some of the stars of their upcoming event, including Fedor Emelianenko, Tim Sylvia, Josh Barnett, Pedro Rizzo, Ben Rothwell, Matt Lindland, Renato “Babalu” Sobral, and Mike Whitehead. Could Andrei Arlovski make a surprise appearance, perhaps initially posing as a reporter and then ripping off his disguise as the crowd lets out a collective gasp? We’ll have to wait and see, but if it happens at the NYC event you can bet Cage Potato will be there to gasp louder than anyone else.

Jens Pulver may have said that there would be no trash-talking leading up to his WEC featherweight championship match against Urijah Faber on June 1st, but Faber’s implication that Pulver has stopped evolving with the sport certainly comes close. Our favorite part: Jens punching out the cadence of his words at 1:58. This fight is going to kick so much ass…

Also: Check out this teaser clip for the upcoming first episode of Outside the Ring, hosted by Marika Taylor; for more Marika, go here.

Miss, I was born ready…

Here’s the thing about those Triumph United comment contests we’ve been running: Finding/deciding on the finalists was a pain in the ass, and then all you people would do is bitch about our lame sense of humor. So we’re going to switch it up this week with a good old-fashioned caption contest. The two readers who submit the funniest captions to the above picture by 4 p.m. ET on Friday will each get a Triumph United t-shirt of their choice. And seriously? Only those who enter will be allowed to complain later. You’re on my last good nerve right now…

(“Union,” only available at TU.)

(Apparently people would rather watch a bunch of guys play poker. Go figure.)

When news spread that Strikeforce had entered into a deal with NBC to air a weekly late-night show that essentially amounted to an MMA infomercial, many of us were understandably skeptical. Few sports organizations have hit it big with the coveted 2 a.m. spot on Saturday night (also known as Sunday morning, for you religious-types). That’s not to say it can’t happen, just that when your lead-in is “Poker After Dark” you have to keep your expectations realistic/low.

According to Adam Swift at MMA Payout, the ratings for Strikeforce are actually pretty good, all things considered. Swift reports that the May 4 edition did a 0.5 rating (537,000 viewers), making it the 23rd highest rated sports offering on network television for the week. Keep in mind, this was the same week as the Kentucky Derby (also on NBC), which drew a 8.8 rating.

While a 0.5 rating looks pretty sad when compared with the big numbers put up by the Derby, you have to remember that 537,000 viewers is almost double the 287,000 who tuned in to watch Frank Shamrock-Cung Le on Showtime back in March. So…does that make Strikeforce on NBC a success?

Maybe, but here’s the thing: who’s watching TV at 2 a.m. on Saturday night? Better yet, who’s watching NBC — network TV — at that hour? Maybe some insomniacs, thirteen-year-olds who don’t get Cinemax, a few men trying to avoid getting into bed with their wives, and some poker enthusiasts who couldn’t gather enough strength to change the channel once their show (which drew a slightly better 0.7 rating) was over.

In other words, it’s hard to know what to make of ratings at such an hour. People who pass out in front of the TV with a can of Budweiser in their lap still count as “viewers”. That’s not to say that Strikeforce isn’t creating some new fans with their weekly show, but it remains to be seen just how many and to what end.

Are these people going to become loyal MMA fans and ticket/pay-per-view buyers somewhere down the road? Possibly. Does getting slightly worse ratings than “Poker After Dark” mean you’re a roaring success? Probably not. But you have to assume Strikeforce knew what to expect when they signed on to lull half a million Americans into dreamland with images of Frank Shamrock dancing through their heads. At least we hope so.

(Andrei plays a game of half-hearted peek-a-boo)

With rumors swirling that Andrei Arlovski will leave the UFC to sign with Affliction and take on Ben Rothwell in the July event, the big question about “The Pitbull” is in regards to his contract status with the UFC. Monte Cox recently told Cage Potato that he believed Arlovski was clear of that contract on May 1, assuming he doesn’t decide to resign with the UFC. For their part, the UFC seems to want Arlovski back in the Octagon, but Dana White doesn’t exactly sound confident that it will happen.

Yahoo! Sports’ Kevin Iole recently quoted White as saying:

“It’s funny you should ask me that. We were just talking about Arlovski. We want to sign him. It’s our intention to sign him. But I don’t know. We’re, well, I don’t know. We want to. Whether we will or not, I have no idea. We like Andrei and I know the fans like Andrei. I hope we can do something.”

Is it just me, or does that make it seem like Arlovski is already gone and Dana White knows it? It’s like asking your friend how things are going with his girlfriend and he looks at his shoes and says, ‘I don’t know, man. I like her. It’s just…shit, I don’t know.’ Then he drinks a bunch of whiskey and won’t stop talking about how he’d like to move to Alaska and get a little cabin with a wood-burning stove somewhere and just really experience life.

If Arlovski is out of his contract and not yet signed with Affliction, it may be because the UFC is trying to match their offer. Fighter contracts are typically structured in such a way as to give the UFC the rights to do so for at least thirty days, if not more.

With Affliction spending money like rich, crazy t-shirt barons on this first card, the bidding war for Andrei could easily get out of control. Then the UFC has to decide how badly they want to keep one of the last credible heavyweights in their stable, or if they just want to make sure that Affliction has to dig deep into their Scrooge McDuck money vault in order to get him.

Either way, the winner here is likely to be Arlovski, who will emerge with enough riches to return to Belarus and establish himself as a king. Whether that will affect the current system of government enough for anyone to notice is still uncertain.

In a conference call held yesterday with Gina Carano and Kaitlin Young, EliteXC boss Gary Shaw announced that he intends to create the league’s first women’s title, with the winner of the Carano/Young scrap on May 31st likely fighting for the 140-pound belt sometime this fall; other titles in different weight divisions will follow once EliteXC builds up its roster of female fighters. Shaw also mentioned his goal of putting an all-women’s MMA card on CBS or Showtime next year. And just when we were about to hail Shaw as a champion of gender equality, he hits us with this:

Question: The IFL is very interested in the notion of having unified champions, wherever it’s possible or practical. Would that be something you would want to get involved with?
Shaw: I’m all for it…If they want to do women’s, we’ll fight for a women’s IFL belt…Women like jewelry. The more belts the better for them. They like accessories. So why not fight for an IFL belt or a DREAM belt?

Shaw also gave credit to Kaitlin Young as a dangerous and exciting striker, despite the fact that she’s probably a very bad driver. But it wasn’t all assholishness during the conference call. Shaw gave reporters some straight talk about EliteXC’s financial status and their ability to compete with the UFC:

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Here’s Gina Carano’s segment from yesterday’s ESPN E:60, in which we learn that “Crush” got into kickboxing after one of Kit Cope‘s trainers called her fat, she’ll be appearing in EA’s new Command and Conquer video game, she’ll never do Playboy, and Tara LaRosa still can’t stand her.

Related: MMAPayout reports that ESPN is launching an online MMA news show this Thursday, which will be hosted by Kenny Florian for the first two weeks. Said MMAPayout: “The program’s launch was apparently delayed by the UFC’s insistence that it be exclusive to the UFC.”