Since it’s Labor Day and I’ve already spent too much time going through your submissions for our latest caption contest — fine work, by the way — we’re just going to do this old-school style, where I pick two winners and then you bitch about them mightily in the comments section. But first, the honorable mentions:

mayhem420: Wait…didn’t Kendall Grove say that guns were for white people?

ruckus: Sean Sherk, you’re dead.

adam: Following months of hardcore training in Brazil, BJ Penn thinks he has found a weakness in Machida’s defense.

The Truth: Quick, what’s Hawaiian for “one-legged French Canadian”?

Aptninja: Um, okay, so…where is the carb?

jakey: The Penn is mightier than the sword

Cankly Carano: “Upon seeing this photo, Jim Lampley exclaimed, ‘See, I told you these barbarian ultimate fighters take knives and guns into their cages. Pathetic. No skill compared to the sweet science! …now where’s that bitch wife of mine? She needs a good smack across the face.’”

Horror Fighter: BJ Penn prepares a response for all CagePotato readers who consistently complain about “caption contest” winners.

And now the winners…

In this video interview with CBS, Rampage Jackson discusses some of the wacky goings-on in his mind around the time of his arrest, and does his best to explain it. You see, he didn’t think he was God. He thought he was a God. That is, until the police took the opportunity to be total jerks to him, thus reminding him that he was indeed mortal. Because a God wouldn’t have taken no lip off no cops.

It’s somewhat reassuring to see that there was a type of logical process at work in Rampage’s mind — God is his father, he is God’s son, so he must also, through hereditary processes, be a God himself. That actually makes some degree of sense in a Grecian myth kind of way. Think Zeus and Hercules and all that. And if Hercules were alive today, wouldn’t he be an MMA fighter? I’d like to think so.

The fact that it took the cops being assholes to him for Rampage to realize how crazy this all was is probably the strangest aspect of the story. He seems to have been genuinely affected by that. It’s got to be the first time in history that the cops did something good by mocking people in a vulnerable state who were in their custody. Also probably the last time.

Here’s the rambling, bizarre CBS interview, where Rampage details more potential mistreatment at the hands of the police and talks about what led to his eventual breakdown. He claims the police were calling their friends on their cell phones to brag that they had him in the car, while also “chastising” him for trying to preach to them. He also admits that he doesn’t completely remember what he was saying, and sounds at times like he might not be all the way back from his bout with delirium.

Tito Ortiz went on HDNet’s Inside MMA on Friday night to make vague statements in the hope that MMA fans will start caring about him again. Speaking about his current negotiations to find a home, Ortiz said:

“EliteXC — possibility. Affliction — possibility. UFC — a small chance of that happening…The things between me and Dana White, I’m shoving it off and moving on with my life.”

Wow…he’s come a long way since that “ground-breaking record contract” with Affliction. But that’s what happens when you ask for the moon and stars from a company that doesn’t have a pot to piss in, if you’ll forgive the metaphor mixing. And the UFC — where a small cut of the PPV take can mean big money — is still the only organization that can offer Ortiz even close to what he thinks he’s worth.

It seems hard to believe that Dana White, who considers Ortiz to be an intolerable scumbag, would even consider dealing with him again, but perhaps cooler heads are prevailing. With Couture vs. Emelianenko a possibility in the Octagon and Tito considering a return, the UFC is poised to deliver a sharp, painful kick directly to Affliction’s balls. Honestly, the UFC’s only apparent motivation for re-signing Ortiz would be to screw over their latest rival. It’s not like he’ll have much impact in the light-heavyweight division at this point, and his rivalries with Chuck Liddell and Ken Shamrock have long since been consummated. So maybe they’ll keep him around as a celebrity gate-keeper, as long as it’ll prevent Affliction from having a credible pay-per-view draw. As Alonzo Harris put it, the shit’s chess, it ain’t checkers.

Crush and Sugar Free getting down at Xtreme Couture. Props to BloodyElbow.

A promo for SpikeTV’s upcoming preview show on “Breakthrough,” which features actual footage of Chuck Liddell’s hamstring injury in April, and Matt Hamill wreckin’ dudes as a kid. Props to FiveOuncesofPain.

(Nick’s just going to proofread this sucker before sending it out.)

Did Elite XC hold some kind of writing workshop for their fighters’ and their fighters’ camps recently? Maybe one with a special seminar on “Shit-talking statements and rebuttals”? Because suddenly it seems like everyone under the Elite XC banner is putting pen to paper to bash someone else. Not that we’re complaining.

The Gracie camp — home to Nick Diaz — is the latest to get in on the act. KJ Noons’ statement listing his grievances with Elite XC made mention of Diaz several times, and you didn’t think he was going to be able to do that without waking the beast, did you? We’re a little disappointed that this is coming from Diaz’s camp and not Nick himself, who has been known to do some really great work in the ‘stream of consciousness’ field of shit-talking, but we’ll take what we can get.

On Noons’ claim that Elite XC failed to promote his boxing career, as promised:

1) Earth to KJ; you don’t have a boxing career. No one in the boxing world knows who you are. 2) Another MMA company would have paid you less and not given you a title shot, especially when you were 1-1. 3) If you will not fight Diaz due to a breach of contract by EliteXC then why would you fight Alvarez for the same terms?

On Noons’ insistence that Elite XC isn’t promoting him, instead asking Diaz to sign baseball cards for the DVD of their fight:

1) Nick Diaz, Jake Shields and Frank Shamrock were flown in to shoot an instructional trailer on grappling for the CBS show. The signings were an after thought. You weren’t flown in because you aren’t a grappler. We are sure they will fly you in if they need an instructional on whining. 2) Your contract was for Showtime. Diaz and Shields both signed longer deals for CBS. Nathan Diaz signed a special long term contract for Spike TV etc…This is a business not Burger King, you can’t have it ‘your way’.

(Randy attends a costume party dressed as Samuel L. Jackson.)

As exciting as the prospect of Randy Couture returning to the UFC might be, we were a little skeptical when rumors started flying earlier this week. But now it sounds like talks between the UFC and “The Natural” are for real, and it’s looking more and more possible that Couture might return to action in front of his former-hometown crowd in Portland to face Brock Lesnar on November 15.

And if that’s not completely crazy enough for you, the UFC is said to be seriously considering an offer from M-1 to co-promote a Randy Couture-Fedor Emelianenko bout down the road. Suddenly we go from a tangled court battle to a couple of blockbuster fights that also have the added advantage of helping the UFC screw Affliction. All just like that. Is your mind blown yet?

If all goes smoothly (and what are the chances of that?) the “Couture Compromise” — as we’re going to go ahead and call it — could be announced as early as Tuesday. As with any story this huge, we’ll believe it when we hear it out of Dana White’s mouth, which will no doubt be formed into an I-told-you-so smirk for the next three months.

Couture is said to be training full-time right now, getting ready to get his glorious return on, so it seems like all systems could genuinely be go for this. What a crazy, wonderful world.

(Rashad Evans looks very happy about clocking Steve Cofield one.)

- Rashad Evans can’t even escape Chuck Liddell at the movies. (Yahoo! Sports)

- Talking Shamrock, Kimbo, Noons and more on the radio. (MMA Rated)

- “The Secret” explained, in a manner of speaking. (Fightlinker)

- Ryan Schultz to get another shot at Sengoku 5. (MMA Mania)

- Thiago Alves has a lesson he wants to teach Diego Sanchez. (Tatame)

- Dana White promises UFC will be bigger than NFL and World Cup, then discusses a near-death experience. (Las Vegas Review-Journal)

- “Day of Reckoning” official website. (Affliction)

- UFC in talks with CBS to supplant Elite XC? (Fightline)

- Sammy Hagar rocks great moments in history. (Holy Taco)

- Tough beer choices this Labor Day weekend. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Eight awesome movie prisoners. (Screen Junkies)

(Backstage at ShoXC.)

KJ Noons thinks he has it bad in Elite XC, he should talk to some of the fighters on the last ShoXC card. The California State Athletic Commission released the full disclosed payout for the August 15 event, and there isn’t a fighter on there who cracked $10,000. The list of people not to try and borrow money from looks like this:

Jared Hamman ($8,000) def. Po’ai Suganuma ($5,000)
Fabricio Camoes ($6,000) def. Sammy Morgan ($4,000)
Rosi Sexton ($3,260) def. Debi Purcell ($4,000)
Ray Lizama ($6,000) def. Keith Berry ($2,000)
David Douglas ($3,000) def. William Jacobson ($800)
Lucas Gamaza ($3,000) def. Kenny Johnson ($2,000)
Jesse Brock ($3,000) def. Josh Rave ($1,000)
Robert Vargas ($2,000) def. Ralph Lopez ($1,000)
Katrina Alendale ($1,500) def. Melanie La’Croix ($1,000)

Underpaid: Pretty much everybody, though if we’re going to get specific we could point to Rosi Sexton, who made less than the opponent she defeated, or poor (literally) William Jacobson, who was the only fighter on the card pulling in less than four figures. Let’s hope Jacobson has another job and was just dabbling in MMA to make enough money to buy that really nice ping pong table he’s had his eye on.

Overpaid: There are no Rockefellers on this list, not even anyone who can reasonably afford Rocawear. Though I guess if it’s all relative, Ray Lizama’s six grand is pretty decent for a guy who is just over .500 for his career.

(Jerome would like to know if you’re going to finish that baguette.)

MMA Weekly is reporting that Affliction is in negotiations with French kickboxer Jerome Le Banner, with the intention of setting up a fight between the former K-1 star and Tim Sylvia for Affliction’s third MMA show (early ’09, location TBA). According to Le Banner’s agent Alan Kermorvan, “We have been talking with Tom Atencio for about two weeks about this possibility…I’m pretty sure we can work out something pretty quickly, it’s just not signed yet.”

Though he never held a title in K-1, Le Banner holds notable kickboxing wins over Peter Aerts, Ernesto Hoost, Gary Goodridge, Don Frye, Mark Hunt, and Hong Man Choi. He is 3-1-1 as a mixed martial artist, with his last MMA fight resulting in a first-round knockout victory over Jimmy Ambriz at K-1 Hero’s 4 in March 2006.

A matchup between Sylvia and JLB would represent the culmination of a rather-entertaining war of words that’s gone on for the last couple years, which began with Le Banner publicly dissing the Maine-iac for being a boring fighter with overrated striking. Sylvia responded by challenging Le Banner to a fight on his home turf, but the match didn’t come together due to Le Banner’s refusal to sign an exclusive, multi-fight deal with the UFC. In an interview with Fighthype last December, Le Banner referred to Sylvia as “big sausage,” and called him “so ugly and annoying.”

In addition to Affliction’s pursuit of Le Banner, Tom Atencio told MMANews.com that he’s interested in signing Sergei Kharitonov, the heavyweight PRIDE standout who was briefly rumored to be fighting Antonio Silva for EliteXC’s heavyweight title.

(Fedor Emelianenko vs. Bobby Hoffman, from RINGS: 10th Anniversary, 8/11/01. Props to MMA Scraps.)

(Royce Gracie vs. Harold Howard, from UFC 3, 9/9/94. Props to Druskee27.)

(Nobuhiko Takada vs. Mike Bernardo, from Inoki Bom-Ba-Ye 2001, 12/31/01. Props to the late Irish Whip.)

There’s plenty to love about the WEC. Zuffa’s brand of minor league MMA features competitive bouts between lesser-known fighters, including the lighter weight classes that get so little love in other organizations. But does that mean MMA fans are willing to pay extra for it?

Dana White seems to think so, as he told Yahoo! Sports that he plans to put on a WEC pay-per-view event, possibly in 2009. Yahoo! says it could go down “as early as May,” and also says that Zuffa will follow through on plans to absorb the WEC’s light heavyweight and middleweight divisions into the UFC. That means even fewer fighters will be available for the WEC cards that fans will soon be asked to pay for.

Asked how many events the WEC would stage in 2009, White replied, “We’re still figuring that out, but I can tell you this: It’s not going to go down.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t one of the WEC’s main selling points the fact that it was always free on Versus? Why go and screw with that? There’s been a clear dichotomy even in the UFC between fight cards that are good for free TV (i.e. Spike TV) and those that are of pay-per-view quality. As great a year as the WEC has had, asking fans to pay premium prices means expectations go up too. With so many UFC events already stretching the pay-per-view budget of many fans, it could also mean a decline in overall WEC viewership.

I think I speak for all non-independently wealthy MMA fans when I say, damn.

Yesterday we were somewhat surprised to hear that former UFC champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson had pleaded not guilty in his felony hit-and-run, evading police case. Usually when there are pictures of you committing a crime in a monster truck that has your picture on it, your legal options are fairly limited. But Jackson spoke to the OC Register after his arraignment on Thursday and cleared a lot of things up. You see, he only did it because God and the devil were fighting inside his mind. It happens. Oh, and he had also been watching “The Secret,” in addition to not sleeping, eating, or drinking anything other than nutritious energy drinks:

Jackson, a former UFC champion who is one of the biggest names in one of the fastest-growing sports, said he also felt there was a spiritual war going on in his mind between God and the devil when he raced down Newport Boulevard on July 15, leaving a wake of rumpled cars, frightened pedestrians and angry police.

He said he thought he was on a mission to save a friend – who had recently lost his faith in God – and was unaware that he had hit any other cars or was being pursued by a phalanx of police cars.

“I thought I heard the voice of God telling me to go save Brian,” he said in an interview Thursday after his arraignment on two felony evading arrest charges. “I felt if I didn’t get to Brian, he would die.”

Now, he says, he believes he was irrational because of lack of sleep and nutrition.

“What was I thinking?” he said. “l know now that Brian was never in danger. …But I really thought at the time that he was about to die.”

The chase apparently ended in front of friend Brian Talbert’s home. Rampage had spent the night before watching the DVD of “The Secret” over and over again, and then remembered he had loaned a copy to Talbert, and became obsessed with getting to him to make sure he watched it. For those of you unaware, “The Secret” is a completely ridiculous New Age-type philosophy that encourages people to change physical reality through the sheer force of thought. It is, in other words, alchemy for the modern idiot. But wait, this Rampage saga gets weirder:

Kimbo Slice‘s new spot for EA Sports’s Facebreaker. I guess the ability to play as a female version of Kimbo is a selling point. Props to YouveBeenBlinded

Slice recalls the fateful hurricane that changed the course of his life, in this new promo for Showtime Sports. Props to FiveOuncesofPain.

Rumors that Randy Couture might be headlining UFC 91 in Portland may be extremely far-fetched, but they picked up a little more heat yesterday evening with a report published by MMA Junkie, which said that The Natural is willing to fight once more in the UFC, possibly before the end of the year, as part of an out-of-court settlement with the organization; Couture would want to be completely free of his UFC contract after the fight.

Excited? Don’t be. There’s no indication that the UFC is even considering this offer. We already know that Dana White likes to screw with his fighters as much as possible when they try to leave him. And according to Bloody Elbow’s Michael Rome, Couture’s negotiation tactic is nothing new:

In June, when the UFC was desperate for a London main event replacement for Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture supposedly made an offer to fight Nogueira if he would be allowed to leave and fight elsewhere immediately after. The UFC turned it down. I don’t believe they are any more likely to accept the settlement now, especially with an arbitration decision about to be handed down.

One problem with Couture doing a final sendoff fight in the UFC is that he’s still technically their heavyweight champion, which raises some logistical issues. He probably wouldn’t get to face interim champ Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, because if Couture wins, he leaves the league with the belt — a situation which the UFC goes to great legal lengths to prevent from ever happening. If Randy is allowed back in for one more go — and I’m not saying this will happen, I’m just saying — he’d probably be stripped of his title then set up in a big-name fight against someone like Brock Lesnar. Not only would Couture/Lesnar be a PPV bunker-buster, but as it turns out, Lesnar’s previously rumored next opponent may be on ice for a while. On the latest episode of MMA Live, ESPN The Magazine‘s Ryan Hockensmith reveals that Cheick Kongo is planning to have shoulder surgery soon to correct a problem that had been bothering him even before his last fight against Dan Evensen, and he won’t be able to fight again this year. Sure Cheick, we believe you…

KJ Noons became the latest Elite XC fighter to release an official statement, as he finally dished on what’s been keeping him from taking a fight with Nick Diaz on the October 4 CBS show. Noons sent his screed to MMANews.com, and it is full of fun little quips and nuggets about life in Elite XC. Noons’ grievances range from the financial to the probably merely perceived to the petty, but he puts it all out there with enough attitude and anger to make up for all the time he let Jared Shaw run his mouth without consequences. Among his complaints:

In the Elite XC’s DVD where Diaz and I fought there are two (2) baseball cards of Diaz and Kimbo. Hello! I won the fight and Elite XC’s promoting Diaz after I beat him? Or how about the day Elite XC flew Diaz in to do a signing on the DVD where he lost. Wow, that must have been uncomfortable Nick? Signing a DVD, and it is a fight that you lost. Why wasn’t I flown in for the signing?

[...]

Consider when Elite XC gives a couple thousand tickets away at their CBS show in Stockton.
Elite XC gives me a hard time about comping me one extra ticket for my cousin that helped me train for my fight. I only get four tickets per show. I am the main event in Honolulu, my home town! I did not ask for any tickets for my family and friends and they gave me a hard time about one extra ticket!

Or how about when Elite XC brought Diaz into the ring after my last victory in Hawaii to disrespect me and my family.

Chuck Champion (President Elite XC) threatens me, my family and my manager with lawsuits and how he’s going to sue me. HAHA. Pretty hard to sue a guy who does not make jack with your company. I’m glad $kala disclosed how much I make, which breached the confidentiality clause of the contract. I will break down the real numbers for you. I am the defending world champ, I have been the main event for Elite XC three out of four times on Showtime. In almost two years I have made approximately $83,000?

Of course, Noons then goes on to tread familiar ground for fighters, explaining that he has to pay his trainers and managers and (gasp!) taxes with that money, so he figures he’s really only making around $300 a week, and his friends who are bus boys make more than that (he really said that).

The Diaz situation rears its ugly head in all of this, and it seems that their request to have Noons face him in a rematch on CBS was what really set “King Karl” off:

(‘Ummm…it wasn’t me?’ Photo courtesy of MMA Punch.)

Gossip site TMZ — the same site that first captured former UFC champ “Rampage” Jackson’s run from the law — is now reporting that the former champ has “pleaded not guilty to felony counts of evading police, hit-and-run and reckless driving” and is free on $25,000 bond. They’re also kind enough to point out that there are no shortage of pictures and witnesses in the case, as they well know.

Is this all an attempt to get the charges knocked down, or is it possible that Rampage really thinks he has a chance of beating this? In all the discussion that has surrounded this case, never once has anyone put forth the serious hypothesis that he might be innocent. Maybe ‘not guilty by reason of energy drinks’? That’s a real defense, right? Pretty sure I saw it on ‘Law & Order’ once. Jack McCoy wasn’t even trying to hear it, though, and that dude went down, which doesn’t bode well for Rampage if any of the potential jurors in this case also saw that episode.

Rampage is due back in court on November 3, TMZ says. That’s not too far away from UFC 91 on November 15, and if the UFC follows through on its plan to put Rampage in that event it may be cutting things a little close. The guy is already dealing with enough distractions. Trying to train and then fight while he’s got an ongoing criminal case might be too much to ask.

Stay tuned to see how this one plays out…

Ken Shamrock to Sherdog:

“[T]he Kimbo Slice thing came up and we said, ‘Wow, this is the perfect fight for me, man. You can’t gift wrap one better than this’…Honestly, I think I can test him anywhere. He’s got big, heavy hands. Everyone says he punches hard and he probably does. But again, he doesn’t punch properly, in my opinion. He swings his hands, he moves his body back and forth trying to get as much power as he can, but there’s really no snap behind it. You can usually see the punches coming. I’m going to do what I need to do. If it goes to the ground, I’ll probably break his leg. I mean, no question. I will break his leg. If he gives it to me, I’m going to break it.”

The bad news is, Ken has proven multiple times that he doesn’t need to be punched “properly” to briefly lose consciousness. A firm tap will do. Picture a police officer knocking on a door — that’s about the force required to knock out Ken Shamrock. Bonus: Check out this video from earlier this year of Ken and some IFL fighters going over a hypothetical matchup between him and Kimbo.

Remember last season of The Ultimate Fighter when they had 32 guys immediately fight for 16 spots in the house, and advised everyone not to come in more than five pounds over? Well, Jason Guida doesn’t; like, at all. The Chicago-based fighter — who’s better known as the older brother of UFC lightweight gatekeeper Clay Guida — arrived heavy at the first day of filming, and was unable to cut down to the 205-pound limit for his elimination fight. According to MMA Rated:

One source told us that he thought Guida’s inability to cut the weight would be used to add some drama to an early episode, comparing it to Gabe Rudiger’s unflattering exit when he was unable to make weight during TUF 5.

Not sure if this makes Guida a pussy or a poser, but either way, he’s gone. And it’s a shame because a stint on TUF could have helped turn his fortunes around. Guida carries a 17-17 record and has bounced around a number of regional promotions in his five-year career; he had his most high-profile bout to date at Adrenaline MMA 1 in June, where he was submitted in the first round by heavyweight Mike Russow. (Fun fact: Guida went 0-5 with two no-contests in his first seven pro bouts, so he’s nothing if not persistent.) No word yet on who, if anyone, replaced Guida in his TUF entrance fight.

(Now that is one grim Sam’s Club.)

In case you missed it, we were falling out over Team Bison’s “official statement on behalf of Brett Rogers” yesterday. They naturally took the opportunity to bash Kimbo Slice and Ken Shamrock, accusing the former of shuckin’ and duckin’ and the latter of being 103 years old, but they had us at “Black Yeti.” Being the industrious reporter that he is, Five Ounces of Pain’s Sam Caplan contacted Kimbo’s camp for a response. What he got, courtesy of Kimbo’s manager, Icey Mike, was the above photo with the remark: “Rogers, don’t quit your day job.”

Seriously, Icey Mike? That’s it? Team Bison comes out with a dissertation on the lameness of Kimbo Slice and all Team Kimbo can come up with is a picture and a sentence? Sounds like someone’s entourage isn’t earning their money. It isn’t enough to just stand in the background and shout ‘Do it, Ferg!’ anymore, fellas. You’re in the big time now.

The remark is an apparent reference to Brett Rogers’ former job working as a tire repairmen at Sam’s Club. Trouble is, he already quit back in January. So this is kind of like coming back with a generic ‘your momma’ joke after a deeply personal attack. It lacks imagination and zing!, in other words.

Honestly, if there was one aspect of this Slice-Rogers feud that I really expected Kimbo to come out on top in, it was the pre-fight entourage shit-talking. Now I don’t know what to believe in. Thanks for the existential crisis, Icey Mike.

(‘Oh, hello there. Didn’t see you come in. Just rolling up my sleeves and inspecting this cage here. No big deal. It’s part of what I do.’)

Dana White is a man of simple tastes. He loves fighters who are neither pussies nor posers. He loves dropping F-bombs. He loves making life hell on all those who would oppose or seek to compete with him. The last one explains what he’s doing with the Tito Ortiz contract situation, and why he doesn’t mind being so open about it. Because what’s the fun of screwing with someone if they don’t know that you’re doing it? From Sergio Non’s USA Today blog:

I read recently that Tito supposedly is negotiating with UFC again. If that’s the case, how did that come about?

As part of his contract, he goes out and … I don’t know, something to do with his contract, but he’s still got his foot in the door with his contract. As part of our business practice in this crazy world these days, we — let me think how I can word this to you.

Take your time.

Yeah, probably going to have to.

I always say, we make this thing look a lot easier than it really is, and we’re definitely not going to make it easy for anybody else. We’re going to make things tough for other people.

It sounds like you’re saying basically you have certain negotiation rights with Tito.

Yup, and I’m going take them.

Given what you guys said about each in the months leading up to his last fight, how realistic is to expect Tito to ever fight in UFC again?

Listen, me and Tito didn’t say anything worse than what we said before he came back and became a coach on The Ultimate Fighter. Tito and I do not like each other. We do not. It’s 100% real, we don’t like each other at all, but it doesn’t mean we haven’t done business together before.

So basically, White is driving up the price on people like Affliction and Elite XC, most likely because Ortiz’s contract has a clause that allows him to match competitors’ offers within a certain window. Whether he’s really open to resigning Tito or whether that’s just something you say to make your intentions seem more genuine, that’s a different question. In the meantime, he can really make life hard for other promotions, and man, does he ever enjoy that.

(Your eyes do not deceive you — that is indeed an armpit-hair tattoo.)

I don’t know if I should call bullshit on this one, but it’s being reported as actual news, so here goes. The UFC fighter and TUF 6 castmember formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver has legally changed his name to “War Machine” — which was previously his nickname — due to a trademark dispute with TNA Wrestling. As Machine wrote recently on his friends-only MySpace blog:

Subject: Funny ass shit!

SO in case you didn’t notice in my last fight the UFC did NOT use my nickname when I fought. Turns out some gay ass wrestling federation threatened to sue them because they recently named one of their wrestlers The War Machine Rhino and trademarked the name.

Too fuckin’ bad that I have been using this name for 6 years, have it tatted on my body and it is what my fans yell out when I’m fighting.

If you know my personality then you know damn well I am not gonna let some faggot ass, FAKE wrestler steal MY name..
SO 6 weeks ago I filed a change of name request and today I had court to make my name officially WAR MACHINE.

lol
Fuckin’ funny right? Didn’t really wanna have to do it but I am sure as hell not lose MY nickname.

Time for a nap.

WM

You may remember War Machine’s MySpace blog as the venue in which he expressed his desire to move to the Philippines so he could kill and fornicate as much as he wanted to. Meaning, the name change shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. We just can’t wait until Bruce Buffer has to announce it. And does this mean they have to change his name in the video game, too? Oh War Machine, why must you be such a rebel?

(Props to Rob P. for the heads up, and riceavenger for the full MySpace message)

(Big mistake.)

With Juanito Ibarra out of his life, Quinton Jackson was down a trainer and a business manager. But according to Fighters Only Magazine, he’s found both at Wolfslair Academy, the Liverpool, England-based MMA team that’s home to UFC fighters Michael Bisping and Paul Kelly. Jackson has signed a three-year deal that will make Wolfslair responsible for managing all aspects of his career, from training camps to securing sponsorships. According to gym co-owner Anthony McGann:

“After the Forrest fight, he felt that his training hadn’t been quite right. He was deeply disappointed in his performance and he felt like he needed to change some things in his life. He came to us as we’ve all been friends for a long time. He feels that training in England can help him focus, which can be difficult in California because of his star status. He’s relatively unknown in England…He will be training when he can in England and the Wolfslair will be running his camps up in Big Bear when he is preparing for his fights.”

Oddly, McGann mentioned that Jackson’s split with Juanito Ibarra was amicable, and they parted on good terms — which runs contrary to every other report on the subject. As for Jackson, he seems very enthusiastic about his new camp, since their vibe seems to mesh with his own:

- Because he loves him some publicity, Dana White will appear on A&E’s “Mindfreak” with magician Criss Angel tonight. You say you’re not going to watch, but let’s not kid ourselves. You’re going to pretend to watch the Democratic National Convention, then get bored when there are no crazy MMA riots breaking out, and suddenly you’re thinking, ‘Man, my mind could really use a good freaking right about now.’ Boom! A&E’s got you covered. If you want a taste of Criss Angel’s particularly cloying brand of magic, I recommend this little gem.

- The ever-elusive Lyoto Machida says his fight against Thiago Silva at UFC 89 isn’t going to be another snoozefest. As he told Tatame: “I believe this fight won’t go to decision… Thiago likes to fight aggressively, me too, he has good MMA techniques, so I believe this fight might finish before the third round.” Seems like he stops just short of actually committing to finishing, or saying that he’ll be the one to finish it. Even this guy’s interviews are, um, tactical.

- Chuck Liddell’s nutritional supplement company, Iceman Rx, is anticipating a Liddell victory over Rashad Evans at UFC 88. They’re even running a sweepstakes to coincide with UFC 92, where Liddell might conceivably challenge Forrest Griffin for the UFC light heavyweight title if he is victorious next weekend. And what does the winner of that sweepstakes get? An Iceman Rx Hummer H2. Even has a picture of Liddell on the side. Rumor has it he only decided to give it away after seeing what happened to Rampage. I started that rumor.

- You thought our jokes about the Tito Ortiz/Jenna Jameson baby news were in poor taste? Just check out The Sun. They pull no punches over in the UK press, and their photoshops are meaner. Kudos to them for referring to Jenna’s porn flicks as “blue movies.” That mixture of cruelty and decorum is why I love the Brits.

(Something’s wrong here. I only count three skulls.)

In an attempt to broaden their fanbase, Affliction is shelling out the dough to appeal to a normally untapped potential audience: Nascar-lovers. Mike Skinner’s car is turning into a moving billboard for the clothier-turned-promoter at the Pepsi 500 this weekend in San Bernardino, Ca.

Looking at the artist’s rendition of the car above (courtesy of Yahoo’s Steve Cofield), I’m totally pumped to see some skulls go screaming down the track. So pumped, in fact, that I may even watch Nascar (no I won’t).

What’s interesting here is that this whole stock car ad campaign makes a few assumptions that may or may not be valid. One is that there are enough Nascar fans who know enough about MMA already to even recognize what this is an ad for. You have to either know what Affliction is, or know who Arlovski and/or Barnett are for this to even make sense. The “vs.” gives it away that there’s probably a fight going on, but aside from that all you’ve got is a date and some skulls. Maybe the thinking is that if a date and skulls aren’t enough for you, then Affliction doesn’t want your money anyway (yes they do).

Just out of curiosity, any Nascar fans out there? As in, for real? I gotta be honest, this is as close as I ever came. And, to a lesser extent, this.

MMA highlight-video master Genghis Con — whose nuts we’ve hugged in the past — went on the UG yesterday to plug his new video, which documents the “Beef” between Georges St. Pierre and Matt Serra. It’s as amazing as you’d expect, but while poking around his previous works, we came upon “Grand Theft Title 2,” an absolute gem from last year which focuses on Mauricio “Shogun” Rua’s killing spree in PRIDE’s 2005 Grand Prix, where he took out Quinton Jackson (at Total Elimination), Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (at Critical Countdown), and then Alistair Overeem and Ricardo Arona in the same night (at Final Conflict); you can watch it above.

The GTA video game theme allows for fun touches like the “Change View” at -8:23 and “Unlocked: Foot Stomps” at -7:05, but the use of Liberty City‘s soundtrack really sets this one apart. How freaking cool is Grandmaster Flash’s “The Message” playing during the Nogueira and Overeem fights? Con is on a whole ‘notha level. Anyway, check it out, tell a friend, and set aside some time to watch the rest.

(Pulver vs. Garcia WEC promo; props to MMA Mania.)

Two major featherweight duels are slated for WEC 36 (September 10th; Hollywood, Florida), as Urijah Faber tries to make his sixth WEC title defense against Mike Brown, while Jens Pulver clashes with Leonard Garcia. On Monday’s edition of TAGG Radio, Garcia revealed that WEC officials have promised him a title shot if he beats Pulver next month, and they’re looking to use him for Zuffa’s first foray south of the border. When asked if a Faber vs. Garcia title fight could be held in Mexico, Garcia said:

“They’re flying me out six days after the (Pulver) fight to Mexico City to do a press conference and to make a huge announcement. As I understand it, both Urijah and I are going…I think both of us just need to hold up our ends of the bargain on Sept. 10. So yeah, you essentially hit the nail on the head.”

As interesting as that is, isn’t it a bit premature to be planning the location of Leonard Garcia’s title fight? Since when did Garcia become a favorite against Jens Pulver? I’m sure the WEC would love to use him for their expansion effort, but I got Lil’ Evil for this one. Hopefully, former IFL featherweight champ (and new WEC signee) Wagnney Fabiano can be brought in for The California Kid’s next title defense — though a tune-up match against someone like Garcia or Pulver could be in store for him first.

Not to say that Garcia vs. Pulver won’t be a thrilling fight. In fact, the way Garcia looks at the matchup echoes our own thoughts:

“Styles make fights. (We) have styles that work well for the fans. I don’t think Jens knows how to back away. I don’t know how to go in reverse. It’s going to be one of those fights that is beautiful on paper, and it’s going to be one fans don’t want to miss.”

You were wondering how Brett Rogers feels about getting spurned by Elite XC in favor Ken Shamrock? Five Ounces of Pain has the scoop in a statement on behalf of Brett Rogers. Things start out all puppy dogs and rainbows in regards to the way Elite XC is handling their business, but don’t worry, Shamrock and “Fergi” get their come-uppance at the end:

As for Oct 4th; that was our spot. Shamrock with his name and giant ego butted in line to get a slice of Kevin. At 103 years of age Ken usurped our rightful place against the YouTube champ. Our sincerest hope is that Ken whips Kimbo and then we can finally euthanize the “World’s Most Dangerous Man” and relegate him to some MMA dinosaur exhibit. Maybe taxidermy him and Severn and place them on a rotating pedestal where they can endless circle each other.

If Ken proves to be more sham then rock and Fergi beats him, then the Slice hype grows even greater. Dude is already more myth then Sasquatch, Chupacabra and a fucking unicorn combined. Kevin is the black Yeti.

Caught between a Shamrock and a hard place, Kevin has chosen the old over the new; the past over the future. But Fergi… the hard place is coming. By putting us off, making us wait will only make matters worse. There is nothing business about it anymore. Kimbo made it a point to go frontin’ to our boys at Big Black. But that street thug B.S. might work well with the fan bois and the Internet dorks who think your street cred means something; but Son… Brett comes from Cabrini Green; the worst 12 blocks of America. Compared to that your street is Sesame Street. So you can say it is very personal between Brett and Fergi. So go ahead and make us wait while you fight Tank and Shamrock. Hell, why not fight Hackney, Harold Howard, Fred Ettish and the rest of Jurassic MMA? And while your shuckin’ and duckin’ we will be hustlin’ and muscilin’ and when the bell finally tolls the only real question left is … do you wake up looking at canvas or arena lights?

On behalf of Brett Rogers – Team Bison

Wow. Black Yeti? Shuckin’ and duckin’? Hustlin’ and musclin’? Sounds like the official trash-talking statement writer over at Team Bison is doing work, son.

Former UFC light heavyweight champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson must really be feeling better. Apparently not content to have his name in the news just for felony charges and rumors of his November return to the Octagon, now he’s revisiting the topic of his loss to Forrest Griffin. Maybe he felt that his clash with “delirium” after the fight robbed him of the opportunity to talk about it, but he’s making up for lost time with this visit from the Ghost of Shit-Talking Past in a recent interview with the UK’s Fighter’s Only Magazine:

“I just want my fans to know, I was at my worst and Forrest was at his best – and I still beat him. …A man is not a man if he can’t ‘fess up to when he gets his ass kicked. See me, if I get my ass kicked I am like ‘yeah, I got my ass kicked’.

However, Jackson says that when he said those exact words at the end of the fight in July, “I was being sarcastic, because I really could not believe that it went the way it did”.

“I’m not a sore loser, shit happens. But I was hoping that Forrest would be a man and come out and say ‘You know what, I didn’t win that fight’, especially after he watched it.

“I wasn’t really sure, right at the end of the fight… I know he hurt me and punched me in the face a couple of times but I was bobbing and weaving and making him miss, stuff like that. I was hoping that he would come out later after he saw the fight and say ‘yeah, I saw the fight and I lost that fight.”

Daaaaaamn! First of all, Rampage really expected Griffin to come out after the fight and voluntarily say that he did not deserve to win the title? Has Rampage ever met any pro fighters? That’s just not their style. Especially with a fight that close, it’s standard operating procedure for both guys to claim they won and for both to go to their graves truly believing it. So basically Rampage wants Griffin to do what no other fighter, including him, would do in this situation.

After arranging a visit by BJ Penn to his Army unit at Fort Lewis, MMA writer Kelly Crigger was inspired to dig deeper into the subculture of mixed martial arts, and find out what would compel a person to sacrifice all worldly comforts for the opportunity to beat up a stranger in a cage. Over the next year, he visited leading MMA camps including Team Quest, American Top Team, and Sityodtong, and interviewed fighters at every level of the game. The result is Title Shot: Into the Shark Tank of Mixed Martial Arts, which, no bullshit, is probably the most insightful and essential exploration of the MMA lifestyle that you’ll ever read. We highly suggest that you buy it, but you also have a chance to win a signed copy right here.

Check out the photo above — one of thousands that Crigger took during the preparation of his book — which shows The Prodigy at the Fort Lewis shooting range. (As Crigger explains: “We took him out to bust some caps, but he couldn’t learn to hold the weapon for shit.”) The two readers who provide the best captions in the comments section below will win a signed copy of Title Shot. Contest ends Sunday night at midnight ET; feel free to enter multiple times. Good luck…

At HOOKnSHOOT‘s Grand Prix in March 2006, a fighter named Jason Bryant celebrated his submission win over Scottie Newton by taking over the mic and mouthing off to the crowd. It was an innocent bit of heel-play that went terribly wrong, as one fan made like he wanted to shake Bryant’s hand, then pulled him off the entrance ramp and started beating on him. The other fans around them responded by freaking out and throwing punches at whoever was closest. Bryant actually had to fight again later that night in the tournament’s semi-final, where he lost to Heath Pedigo. The best part is that HOOKnSHOOT is apparently using this regrettable episode to promote Bryant’s appearance at their September 27th event. Because at a two-bit local show, anything can happen! Evansville, what!