(Coming atcha, Portland)

So, okay, former UFC light heavyweight champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson may have some legal troubles. He may have been charged with two felonies and a couple few misdemeanors resulting from his little driving mishap, and he may even be looking at potential jail time. Big deal. Does that mean he shouldn’t take a fight in November? Maybe. Probably. But so what. He’s doing it anyway.

According to Yahoo! Sports, Dana White is actively trying to set Jackson up with a fight for UFC 91 on November 15 in Portland, Ore.:

“Of course he’ll fight,” White said. “If he was doing drugs, if he had been drunk, if he had gone out there and done what he did because he was pissed off at someone, that would be a completely different story. But he was ill. And in this company, we support our friends and anyone who works for us when they’re ill and have problems. He was ill, the incident occurred, and now he’s fine.

“Rampage feels awful about the woman’s baby, but he had nothing to do with it. And the (traffic incident) occurred because he was very ill and not with him in control of his faculties.”

All right, I understand the argument that because he was “ill” it shouldn’t be looked at in the same way as someone with a drug or alcohol problem. That makes a certain degree of sense. Until you consider that this “illness” was entirely self-imposed. Rampage decided not to eat, sleep, or drink anything other than energy drinks after his last fight. That’s not like coming down with the chicken pox. It’s more like coming down with the crazy-energy-drink pox, which is almost as bad as the cocaine pox, except not as expensive.

The first time I ever got drunk it was thanks to Mickey’s Fine Malt Liquor. At the time I was fifteen and didn’t know that the phrase “Fine Malt Liquor” made no sense at all. Some friends and I got the big mouth bottles and drank them as fast as we could in the vacant lot behind the supermarket. Needless to say, we soon threw up and had horrible headaches, but the point was we did it. The fact that it was awful only made us feel more like men, which of course we weren’t. It wasn’t until a few months later when I saw a homeless man drinking a forty of Mickey’s in the street while holding his pants up with his free hand that I realized maybe we had been using the wrong metric by which to gauge our manhood.

Mickey’s lost me as a customer back then, but that doesn’t mean they’re giving up. They’ve apparently decided to go the Coors Light route, and instead of investing money into coming up with a better product they’re simply going to do weird stuff to the container. The newest weird thing: putting Tito Ortiz on their limited edition cans.

There’s something that’s just too perfect about seeing Ortiz hook up with Mickey’s. They were both once beloved by the UFC until the organization found something better, and they’re both responsible for regrettable pregnancies. Too far?

(Props: MMA Scraps)

I’ll assume that by now you’ve all watched and re-watched Bas Rutten’s infamous bar-fight self-defense video dozens and dozens of times. Well, a Canadian comedian/MTV Live host named Daryn Jones has also seen it, and he put together a series of parodies spoofing the sadism and matter-of-fact delivery that made the original so beloved. His first clip is above; you can watch parts 2-4 here.

So, whatever, good for a chuckle. Problem is, Bas Himself has seen the clips (!!!), and he’s none too pleased. His video response is below. Hope it was worth it, funny man — you’re now on Bas’s dangada-dangada list. But besides the obvious lesson of you don’t mess with El Guapo, we also learn a couple more things in the video: 1) Rutten likes to drink pond scum, straight up. 2) His Tony Montana impression is shockingly good for a Dutchman. Enjoy.

Unrelated hilarity after the jump.

(“Yeah man, so this is like, one of the *actual tires* that came off of Rampage’s truck. No shit. Got it off Craigslist.” Photo of The Grim by Esther Lin.)

Nick Diaz and Brett Rogers won’t be sitting on their hands waiting for their arch-rivals KJ Noons and Kimbo Slice to become available — MMA Junkie reports that both fighters have been scheduled to appear at EliteXC’s November 8th event, which will be broadcast on Showtime. Their opponents haven’t been announced yet, but EliteXC’s Jared Shaw confirmed that Joey Villasenor will also be part of the event; rumor has it that he could face Robbie Lawler for the middleweight title.

Speaking of the Showtime card, FiveOuncesofPain reports that EliteXC wants to add Eddie Alvarez to the lineup, and build up to a fight for the vacated lightweight title if him and Nick Diaz win their fights and KJ Noons continues to be a problem. Side note: Before Diaz competes again for EliteXC, he’ll head to Japan to battle Hayato “Mach” Sakurai at DREAM.6 (September 23rd; Saitama, Japan) for DREAM’s welterweight title. In other EliteXC news…

— A fight between Cristiane “Cris Cyborg” Santos and Yoko Takahashi has been officially added to the undercard of Saturday Night Fights III on October 4th. If time permits, the match will be shown on the broadcast on a tape-delay basis. Cyborg vows to improve on her last performance by knocking Takahashi out three times in the first round.

— EliteXC’s heavyweight champ Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva has released a longer statement about his steroid bust. Some highlights:

(Props: MMA Scraps)

The year was 2004. Britney Spears was still skinny and childless. “Deadwood” had just premiered on HBO. Janet Jackson sparked controversy by showing the world her wonderful, glorious nipple during the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show. It was a different time, a simpler time.

It was also the last time Ken Shamrock’s hand was raised in MMA victory, after a TKO via knee 1:26 into round one against Kimo Leopoldo at UFC 48: Payback. On the same fight card, Frank Mir broke Tim Sylvia’s arm, and a little-known fighter by the name of Georges St. Pierre knocked out Jay Hieron on the undercard.

Now here we are, four years (and, for Shamrock, five straight losses) later, and “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” is preparing to headline a fight on CBS against Kimbo Slice, a former backyard brawler now trained by Bas Rutten. If that’s possible, just imagine where we’ll be four years from now. The world is indeed a strange and inscrutable place.

(‘Ain’t love beautiful and totally freaking bizarre, baby?’)

Okay, so that headline might be slightly misleading. All we know for sure is that there is a baby inside Jenna Jameson. How it happened and who’s to blame, that’s all speculation until they go on the Maury Povich show to get the DNA test done. The real question is, when the results are announced, will Tito be the type of guy who launches into a awesomely inappropriate celebration dance? Oh, these timeless questions.

Our friends over at Holy Taco have more on Jenna’s official pregnancy announcement, as well as a hilarious take on what the fateful night of conception must have been like. Naturally, this is followed by a photoshop that will probably condemn you to hell for all eternity just for looking at it. As if you weren’t headed there, anyway.

We can’t help but wonder what kind of child will come out of this union of bodily fluids. Being the progeny of famous people already increases your chances of being a total screw-up in life, even more so than being the progeny of rich people, and this kid will be both.

But beyond that, it will also be the child of two people who are famous for, shall we say, unconventional reasons. Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe will have as many opportunities to get in fights with kids at school who say things about his mother, while also having such great chances to win all those fights via ground-and-pound.

Could this be the perfect recipe for creating a future MMA star? Maybe. Or else he’ll grow up hating his parents and become an ultra-conservative evangelical preacher who leads aggressive campaigns to outlaw pornography, pro fighting, hastily-thrown-together memoirs, and hair dye. Either way, this child is going to be something special.

(Josh Thomson’s just happy to be anywhere right now. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

In yesterday’s interview with Renato “Babalu” Sobral we wrote, “Right now, the only thing that’s certain is that Sobral will be fighting Bobby Southworth on September 20th for Strikeforce’s light-heavyweight championship.” But in this mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, can anything be certain? Not so much, apparently. MMA Junkie is reporting that Southworth has dropped out of “Strikeforce at the Mansion II” due to an undisclosed injury. Sobral will instead face Anthony Ruiz (21-11), who previously defeated Southworth via cut stoppage in a non-title fight last November, then lost a decision to Southworth in June when the belt was actually on the line. A month later, Ruiz fought in the undercard of EliteXC: Unfinished Business, where he defeated Jeremy Freitag for the third time in his career.

Sadly for Babalu, this means that his next fight won’t be for a belt after all. But as with the first meeting between Southworth and Ruiz, Strikeforce doesn’t even guarantee title fights to their reigning champions. In fact, Josh Thomson — who earned Strikeforce’s lightweight title with his five-round pwnage of Gilbert Melendez in June — was recently booked for a non-title fight at the September 20th Playboy Mansion show. He’ll be facing Ashe Bowman, a 6-4 Lion’s Den product who has absolutely no business being in the cage with someone on Thomson’s level. Bowman is coming off a three-fight win-streak, but those three opponents sported a combined record of 0-2 at the time he faced them.

Honestly, it’s one of the most bizarre matchups in recent memory. And it emphasizes the ridiculous nature of Strikeforce’s non-title matches. They’re denying Bowman a title shot to prevent the possibility of a total scrub wearing the belt; so why exactly are they throwing a total scrub at their champion in the first place? If Strikeforce has no other credible lightweights to vie for the championship (a sad state of affairs in itself), can’t they let Thomson take fights elsewhere until they find somebody? It’s a waste of The Punk’s time, and it’ll almost certainly be a lopsided loss for a young fighter who should still be woodshedding in regional shows.

(Photo courtesy of MMAPunch.)

The Orange County District Attorney’s Office has formally charged Quinton “Rampage” Jackson for his July 15th vehicular misadventure in Costa Mesa. The former UFC light-heavyweight champ is looking at one felony count of evading while driving recklessly, one felony count of evading a peace officer and driving against traffic, three misdemeanor counts of hit and run with property damage, and one misdemeanor count of reckless driving. If you’re a lawyer and you know the difference between those two extremely similar-sounding felony charges, please enlighten us.

Jackson will enter his pleas to the charges during his arraignment on Thursday, which will take place in a Santa Ana, California, courtroom at 9 a.m. PT; he would receive a maximum sentence of three years in prison if convicted, though he could potentially receive as little as probation. Luckily for him, there will be no formal charges related to his collision with Holly Griggs, the woman who suffered a miscarriage two weeks after being sideswiped during Jackson’s “delirium”-fueled joyride:

“We reviewed all the medical records and spoke with the victim’s physician and the evidence showed that the loss of the fetus was not related to the crash,” said Farrah Emami, spokesperson for the Orange County District Attorney’s Office.

That may or may not rule out a future civil suit — again, lawyers, a little help? — but it’s clear that the cards all need to fall in Jackson’s favor if he hopes to fight again this year. Or next year, for that matter…

(Props: Sherdog)

I don’t know why I was so discouraged to hear that Elite XC had decided to match Kimbo Slice against Ken Shamrock, with a Brett Rogers option reserved for some possible version of the future. I should have expected this. I guess I’m just too much of an optimist. I thought Elite XC might try for a competitive, somewhat meaningful fight instead. I’ll never learn.

It’s not that I don’t understand what Elite XC is thinking. If anything, that part is all too obvious. They want a name to put on the marquee next to Kimbo’s. Someone with drawing power, yes, but not someone who stands a good chance of winning. Preferably, they’d also like the next Kimbo victim to be susceptible to knockout. So they called on Shamrock, an over-the-hill legend who has been getting KO’d by a list of fighters that starts out fairly impressive and then gets less and less so as we near the present. He’s perfect, given their priorities, but that only tells us how screwed up their priorities are.

But it’s not just Shamrock-Slice. Look at another high profile Elite XC fighter, Gina Carano. Instead of matching her up against “Cyborg” Santos — a fight they were already hyping by the end of Santos’ victory at “Unfinished Business” — they’ve decided to put Carano up against Kelly Kobald, who’s coming off two straight losses. They’re not even bothering to try and come up with a compelling explanation for it, just ask Pro Elite CEO Chuck Champion:

“It’s giving both an opportunity to further develop their fan bases and develop further excitement around the potential of them coming together,” Chuck Champion, CEO of ProElite, which runs the EliteXC brand, told MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com). “If Chris destroys another opponent, people are really going to be clamoring, especially if Gina gets in and clobbers hers. It’s just really about letting the fighters develop, letting them grow in their skills and their character development in order for them to eventually meet one another.”

In other words, they’d rather string us along with a few squash matches first. The fact that they aren’t even intended to be competitive, that doesn’t seem to bother Elite XC. And that’s what’s really disappointing.

(Have you seen me?)

First Nick Diaz implored him not to be scared, homey. Then Jared Shaw went looking for him on the back of a milk carton. Now even Fabricio Camoes is getting in on the K.J. Noons bashfest. Maybe the force of public opinion will be enough to force Noons into a fight after all. You just have to wonder how much longer he can stand criticism like this:

“I’m waiting, I’m looking forward to fight him (KJ Noons). Inside EliteXC everybody had the chance and lost, but I’m here. I’m with six victories, two inside Elite and want to face him… I came to get his belt…I don’t know if he’ll accept a fight with me. They offered Nick Diaz and he didn’t wanted. The event is negotiating to try to put me to fight, I hope he accepts it”, said Fabricio [Camoes].

“The champion of the event picking the opponents… The champ has to fight whoever the event wants. Nick Diaz has qualities to steal his belt, and I want to get into this battle too. If you have the belt, you need to be prepared to fight everybody. Every fighter that goes to EliteXC wants to fight for the belt, nobody signs a contract thinking about fighting the worst opponent.”

Honestly, Noons needs to break his silence soon. Otherwise he risks going down in MMA lore as the champion who wouldn’t fight. It’s one thing to have Nick Diaz call you out. All that means is that you have a pulse. But when mid-level guys like Fabricio Camoes start implying that you may or may not be a total pussy, then you’re about one step away from being called out by Rue McClanahan.

For his own sake, Noons should at least let everyone know why he doesn’t want to defend his belt, whether it has to do with money, choice of opponents, or general disdain for Elite XC. Something, please. Even if he said he was quitting fighting to study jazz tap, that would still be better than nothing. We don’t want to say that he’s a punk, but he has been displaying some very punk-like qualities as of late.

(Photo courtesy of StrikeforceUSA.net.)

One of the most unfortunate aspects of Tito Ortiz’s bizarre negotiation cock-up with Affliction is that it’s jeopardizing his grudge match with Renato “Babalu” Sobral, the Brazilian UFC vet who would love, love, love to kick the crap out of him. After Sobral’s impressive unanimous decision over Mike Whitehead last month at “Affliction: Banned,” a meeting between Babalu and the Huntington Beach Bad Boy seemed inevitable. Right now, the only thing that’s certain is that Sobral will be fighting Bobby Southworth on September 20th for Strikeforce’s light-heavyweight championship, and he’s currently training hard to be worthy of the belt. Our own Luiz De Souza chatted with Sobral recently about Ortiz, Strikeforce, and the real story behind his unique nickname.

***

CAGEPOTATO.COM: First of all, how likely is it that we’ll see you face Tito Ortiz in Affliction?
RENATO SOBRAL: I don’t know when that fight will happen. It’s not up to me — if it was, I would have beaten his ass yesterday.

You’ve said that facing Tito would be your “dream fight.” Why is that, exactly?
First of all because he said that I am a “C-class fighter,” then he went on to say that I am a third-world country fighter. It would be a pleasure for me to kick his ass.

What do you think of him as a person?
Well…he is a good fighter. But it would be my pleasure to send him to hell.

If you two fought, how do you think the fight would end?
Whatever way in which the ending is me sending him to hell.

The salaries for some of the fighters at the first Afflicton show were incredibly high — do you feel like you were underpaid compared to guys like Ben Rothwell, Matt Lindland, or some of the other headliners?
I don’t really comment on money. Some make more money; others who are just starting make less. I have nothing to complain about.

How has Affliction treated you, compared to some of the other promotions you’ve worked for?
I’ve been treated very well by everyone, and I have nothing to complain about. I am a professional. Fighting is a business — the show doesn’t have to be the fighter’s father and mother.

Sherdog scores the sad scoop:

Ken Shamrock will be the fourth man to face Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson when the two icons clash at EliteXC’s third installment of “Saturday Night Fights” Oct. 4 at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Fla. The headlining bout will anchor a live broadcast on CBS. Sherdog.com confirmed the bout’s signing with multiple parties aware of the fight, while a press release is expected to circulate later today with the news. The 44-year-old Shamrock (26-13-2) beat out fellow candidates Sean Gannon and Brett Rogers, who called out Slice in May, for the coveted slot.

[*shakes head*] Okay. So first off, Ken Shamrock has lost his last five fights by first-round KO/TKO. He has a tendency to get grazed on the chin, drop to the mat with his eyes rolled up in his head, and then immediately pop up to complain when the ref stops the fight. Maybe it’s just bad luck. Maybe he’s more susceptible to flash knockouts than most all MMA fighters. Whatever the case, he shouldn’t be headlining a network television fight card. Slice vs. Rogers would be a contest that MMA fans would actually want to watch. The only question we’ll have after Slice vs. Shamrock is, will the World’s Most Dangerous Man finally retire after this one?

It’s as good a time as any to bring up this fun fact: Kimbo’s second EliteXC opponent, Tank Abbott, had lost seven of his past eight fights before stepping into the cage at “Street Certified” in February. James Thompson had lost six of his last eight when he faced Kimbo at “Primetime.” Now, perhaps because Thompson gave Slice more problems than EliteXC had expected, they’re giving him Shamrock, who like Tank, has also lost seven of his last eight. These guys are beyond “jobbers” — they’re woefully unsuccessful.

(Say what?!)

Oh, “Mayhem” Miller. You so crazy. You manage to turn what would normally be a boring blog post about a bad haircut into a saga of misadventure. We can only imagine what it must be like to be you on a full-time basis.

Miller’s recent blog entry diverges into a blend of social commentary and possible mental illness when he wanders into a barber shop and begins battling it out with the voices in his head:

“This place looks legit.” I thought, in the way that schizophrenics hear in stereo. “It has a rotating pole, a cruddy sign with the owners name on it, and smells like chemicals,” the voice in my head then paused to let me enter. Inside was a cute black chick about my age and an older black dude, kinda pudgy and wearing fubu or something else unfashionable. The chocolate bunny mustve had something better to do, so she left the moment I looked like I was staying.

“Its an older black dude, and you want a short haircut, perfect, they always know how to hook it up” my brain said but then retorted “that’s fucking racist dude, you’re judging his haircutting on his skin tone- ‘haircut profiling’ if you will.” The voice came back again, “yes, yes I am but I am just drawing from my experience, and how many good short haircuts have we got from older black dudes, as compared to the child molester/Nicholas Cage looking guy on melrose?” Touche’ voice 1, touche’.

“Have a seat. I can take ya now.” Pudgey Older Black Man says, “What can I do for you?” in a tone that was nice enough. “Trim it up man. I want to get it faded down to the skin, maybe keep some of the top.” (For future installments of the strip of doom.) I guess I shouldn’t have said the word “skin” because that is all he heard and before I could look up I had half a bowl-cut. “Aw damn, man.. I, aw..”

You know, I never thought about it before, but Nicolas Cage does look an awful lot like a child molester. Well put, “Mayhem.”

(‘You dance very good, little woman. You are negative for the STD’s, yes?’)

Poor Anderson Silva. The UFC middleweight champ just can’t find enough playmates in the UFC middleweight neighborhood. Yes, there’s that nice Patrick Cote boy, but then what? Silva is basically being forced to go door to door and ask, in broken English, if there are any middleweights or light heavyweights who can come out and play. Next up could very well be Chuck Liddell, according to Silva’s manager, Ed Soares:

“I think he wants to fight those big mega fights because that’s the kind of fight we want to be involved with right now,” he said about Silva’s future fights. “I think it’s a combination of seeing what the potential opponent is and also seeing what the UFC wants to do. At the end of the day, this is a business, and they need to sell fights. They need to sell a lot of pay-per-views, and they need to sell tickets. So, we want to be involved with those types of fights.”

“We’re not looking past Patrick Cote, but I think we’ll take one step at a time and see what happens. But yeah, if a Chuck Liddell fight came up, we’d take it,” stated Soares. “Whoever the UFC wants to put in front of us, he wants to fight the best, and whoever that may be at the time, that’s who he wants to fight.”

The very idea of a Silva-Liddell superfight is probably enough to give Dana White an erection, and for good reason. The pay-per-view numbers on this would likely be record-breaking, and no matter how it goes someone gets a big boost. Liddell, however, is probably a little less enthusiastic.

For one, he recently made known his belief that a victory over Rashad Evans should be enough to net him a title shot. Chances are he didn’t mean the middleweight title. For another, beating the champ from a lower weight class is sort of like being the toughest kid in eighth grade after being held back a year. There’s always a ‘but’ attached to that victory.

Silva has more to gain from this fight than Liddell does, but if there’s one thing we know about “The Iceman” it’s that he’ll do the UFC’s bidding, whatever it happens to be. He’ll also probably make a ton of money to do it, and everyone can go home fat and happy if this fight materializes on a pay-per-view at year’s end.

(Eiji Mitsuoka vs. Rodrigo Damm)

(Satoru Kitaoka vs. Clay French)

(Murilo Rua and a devoted fan. Picture courtesy of Sherdog.)

— Murilo “Ninja” Rua, brother of UFC light-heavyweight Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and the former EliteXC middleweight champion, will face IFL standout Benji Radach at EliteXC’s October 4th card on CBS. Radach hasn’t fought since his loss to Matt Horwich at the IFL World Grand Prix Finals last December, while Rua is coming off a first-round TKO victory over Tony Bonello at EliteXC: The Return of the King in June. It will be the first in a three-fight EliteXC contract for the American Top Team trained Radach.

— Speaking of Shogun, the older Rua brother’s rumored match with Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is looking more likely.

— And speaking of the EliteXC middleweight title, a rematch between belt-holder Robbie Lawler and Joey Villasenor is nearly a done deal for EliteXC’s November 8th card on Showtime. Lawler and Villasenor previously met at PRIDE 32 in October ’06, where Lawler won via flying knee KO in just 22 seconds.

— Matt Lindland’s next Affliction fight will be against UFC/BodogFight/Strikeforce vet Trevor Prangley, at “Day of Reckoning” on October 11th in Las Vegas. It’s been a long layoff for Prangley, who hasn’t competed since Strikeforce’s “Four Men Enter, One Man Survives” middleweight tournament last November, where he defeated Falaniko Vitale then lost to Jorge Santiago.

— Former IFL middleweight champ Dan Miller will make his UFC debut at UFC Fight Night 15 (September 17th, Omaha) against Rob Kimmons, who most recently choked out Rob Yundt at the TUF 7 finale in June.

(In Trigg’s defense, he had just gotten out of the pool.)

Sengoku’s “Fourth Battle” went down today in Saitama, Japan, featuring the long-awaited returns of Takanori Gomi and Frank Trigg, and the first round of their lightweight grand prix. In a non-tourney main event bout, Gomi faced 5-1 Korean DEEP vet Seung Hwan Bang — who should have been steamrolled by the legendary “Fireball Kid” — but Bang hung in for all three rounds. Eventually, Gomi’s accurate striking and control of the fight’s pace convinced the judges to unanimously give him the win. Trigg’s opponent was Makoto Takimoto, a judoka and PRIDE vet who came into the fight with a 4-4 MMA record, and as with Gomi, the fight was a little more difficult than it should have been. Trigg dominated the standup and inflicted major damage from top positions on the ground, but Takimoto nearly caught Twinkle Toes in a kimura in the second round, and spent a lot of the third on top; still, it wasn’t enough to prevent the judges from giving Trigg the decision after the fight went the distance.

The first round of Sengoku’s lightweight tournament held some surprises as three big names were unceremoniously bounced out of the competition. The HIT Squad’s Clay French was tapped in 31 seconds via achilles lock by former Pancrase mainstay Satoru Kitaoka, and jiu-jitsu ace Rodrigo Damm also suffered a first-round submission at the hands of Eiji Mitsuoka. Former IFL lightweight champ Ryan Schultz, who was the biggest favorite to win his first GP match, got his lights put out by a superman-punch from Cage Force champ Mizuto Hirota in the second round of their fight. Full results after the jump; videos to come.

Former IFL welterweight champ Jay Hieron has reportedly verbally agreed to face Drew Fickett at the next Affliction event in Las Vegas on October 11. The real question is, will Fickett find some clever new way to screw it up? Fickett’s manager, Alexander Oxendine, seems open to that possibility:

“We’re in discussion with a few organizations and Affliction is one of them,” said Oxendine. “They are at the top of our list. As far as Drew is concerned, he’s made a great turnaround with his life and training. He is ready to move forward.”

If you don’t know, Fickett is the same guy who managed to get himself fired from MFC and booted off a Strikeforce card in one glorious weekend when he tried to breach his contract in the apparent hopes that no one would figure it out. They did, chaos ensued, and Fickett went on to lose via questionable stoppage in a Rage in the Cage event.

So now one of MMA’s favorite troublemakers is being offered a spot in Affliction against one of the tougher welterweights outside of the UFC, and he’s not sure if he wants to take it? Affliction should not only be at the top of his list, it should be the entire list. He should run down there and sign the contract in his own blood before they have a chance to change their minds. Let’s hope this is just a negotiating ploy by his agent. If Fickett ends up turning this down to fight in some small show at a fairground somewhere, we’ll know it’s time for new management. No, not Mark Dion, either.

(Just one girl? Must have been a slow week for Chuck.)

- Chuck Liddell makes his case for a title shot after UFC 88. (MMA Weekly)

- Trying to make sense out of Elite XC’s crazy week. (MMA Rated Radio)

- Chris Horodecki-Dan Lauzon officially on for Affliction: Day of Reckoning (Sherdog)

- Evan Tanner is not a big fan of MMA, as this half-assed UFC 87 breakdown reveals. (Spike.com)

- Dana White and Anderson Silva nominated for “Top 49 Men of 2008″ (AskMen.com)

- How MMA saved JoJo Thompson’s life. (AZCentral.com)

- False blood work prompts fighter and trainer suspensions. (MMA Opinion)

- The most marketable names in sports. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Frat boy movie review of “Death Race.” (Screen Junkies)

- A harrowing tale of the days before internet porn, and how Kate Moss almost ruined everything. (Holy Taco)

Perhaps the most talented of the unsigned IFL fighters out there — featherweight champ Wagnney Fabiano — may have finally found a new home. Tatame reports that the Brazilian has signed with the WEC, supposedly to fight in the bantamweight division. That already seems a little fishy, and then you add in this garbled quote from Fabiano that mentions WEC featherweight champ Urijah Faber, and it seems like there might be a slight mistranslation problem:

“My objectives is to grown in the event and get the title. Let’s start with a tough and focused work. It won’t chance anything in my life, I’m always serious and go to any event to win. My goal is to fight for the belt and do my best”, said the athlete, that analyzed the champion, Urijah Faber.

“Faber is the best of the world now. To beat him, I think you have to be in a good shape. He’s an expert fighter and he has a good gas, it’s complicated to beat a guy like him. You have to set a good game plan and be calm and watch the elbows, because if you hits you can change a whole fight.”

Well, I’m officially confused. Either Fabiano is planning to drop down to 135 pounds and the remarks about Faber were just for kicks, or Tatame has it wrong and he’s really signing on as a featherweight. With the WEC hurting for challengers to Faber’s throne, the latter seems more likely.

- In other news, MMA Rated reports that the KJ Noons-Nick Diaz bout that Elite XC had hoped to add to their October 4 event on CBS is now officially off. Elite XC VP Jared Shaw said the organization was unable to come to terms with Noons’ agent, Mark Dion, and added that throughout the entire process no one from Elite XC was able to personally speak with Noons. Shaw said they wouldn’t be stripping Noons of the lightweight title just yet, but expressed hope that he would “wake up and smell the Hawaiian coffee.” That’s the kind of remark that should convince him to come around.

From MMA Rated:

“I try to never underestimate any of my opponents but there’s really nothing that worries me too much with Brock Lesnar. I know it could be a tough fight, but, you know, I train hard and I will be ready for this one too.”

There’s something very zen-like about Kongo’s “don’t worry about what you can’t change” attitude. On the other hand, in terms of fight preparation, he may want to start worrying about the fact that he’s going to be on his back for fifteen minutes against Lesnar. The wrestling thing would be an issue, I would think. Kongo might even want to worry about Brock’s striking, and how one of his punches threw Heath Herring into a reverse somersault and closed his eye for the remainder of the fight. But hey, I’m on the outside looking in, so whatever.

I thought this quote was particularly worth sharing because it’s eerily similar to Herring’s cavalier statements that because he’d faced wrestlers before, he wasn’t expecting Lesnar to present anything he hadn’t seen before — which in itself is similar to how Patrick Cote has been echoing James Irvin’s failed strategy of taking ten of Anderson Silva’s punches to land one of his own. Dismissing Brock Lesnar’s takedowns and ground control is just about as foolish as thinking you’ll survive ten straight from Silva. People, please: If we don’t learn from the past, we’re doomed to repeat it, directly in the face, for about 30 seconds until Steve Mazzagatti mercifully stops the fight.

Also, Kongo honestly believes he deserves a title shot — he wasn’t just letting adrenaline hijack his mouth after his win over Dan Evensen at UFC 87:

“His was my seventh UFC fight. I have never been completely dominated by an opponent in a UFC fight, even in my 2 losses which were by split decision. I won five fights among which three were by KO/TKO. So, I’m asking: How many fights do I have to win to definitely give me the credibility to get a title shot?”

With the way the UFC’s heavyweight ladder seems to be arranged right now, he’d probably have to beat Lesnar and then Fabricio Werdum. So, good luck with that.

Matt Hamill will be welcoming Rich Franklin back to the light heavyweight division at UFC 88 on September 6th, and he expects some fearsome striking from the former middleweight champ. But he trusts in his always-improving game, and knows he needs to face the best opponents available to earn his respect. Props to ESPN via FiveOuncesofPain.

Joe Rogan gives us a glimpse of the average UFC fight weekend for him, which generally includes a standup comedy performance on Friday night. A clip from his gig at the Fine Line Music Cafe in Minneapolis starts at the 2:23 mark of this video, in which Joe does a solid Jim Brown impression and discusses his infamous “rape choke” commentary blunder at UFC Fight Night 13. Props to MMA Mania.

(Reflecting on what might have been.)

Of all the incredulous claims about Kimbo Slice‘s future, it’s starting to seem like very few of them are going to pan out. Though Si.com reported that former Boston police officer Sean Gannon was the front runner to become Slice’s next opponent on the October 4 CBS show, Elite XC’s Jared Shaw told Five Ounces of Pain that the bout definitely won’t be happening. You could interpret this as a sign that Elite XC has officially gotten their collective mind right when it comes to Kimbo Slice matchmaking, but Sam Caplan says the fight was scratched not because it’s a pointless circus bout, but because of Gannon’s “financial demands.”

In other words, Elite XC is perfectly willing to bring YouTube quality fights to network TV, but only if they can do it cheap. Looks like we’re back to either Ken Shamrock or Brett Rogers.

Outside the cage, it looks as if Kimbo will no longer be co-starring with Hulk Hogan in the lovable 3-D children’s film “Kung Fu U.” According to the Wall Street Journal’s Market Watch, things fell apart “due to a misunderstanding among the agents involved with the Kimbo Slice deal” and Stereo Vision has since retracted their press release.

You know what that means? There’s a spot open in a hot new 3-D martial arts movie, and you get to play opposite Hulk Hogan, of “Mr. Nanny” fame! Get those audition tapes ready. Try to make them better than this one.

Despite a positive drug test, Elite XC heavyweight champ Antonio Silva is insisting that he did not take the horse-friendly Boldenone, as the California State Athletic Commission claims. His agent, ATT’s Alex Davis, wasted no time in refuting the charge, which we just assumed was something agents were obliged to do. Sean Sherk taught us that sometimes just challenging the positive test is enough to get your suspension reduced, so why not give it a shot?

But now Jeremy Lappen, Elite XC’s Head of Fight Operations, is getting in on the act with this statement released to the media via email:

“We respect the California commission and the job they do. We always enjoy working with them and work very well together. The illegal use of steroids is a problem in all major sports, including mixed martial arts. We certainly do not condone the use of steroids.

“But we also support, trust and have confidence in our fighter, Antonio Silva, who has denied ever taken any illegal substance, including steroids, and is prepared to challenge the results of the California Commission.

“So until all the facts are known and a final decision is rendered, EliteXC will reserve making any further comments at this time.’’

Now we’ve got a real fight on our hands. It’s unclear what “facts” Lappen is waiting for, since Silva’s A and B samples both tested positive for the drug, which supposedly has such a long half-life in the body as to make a positive fairly damning.

It’s noble for Elite XC to stick up for their guy, but it’s also a bit of a risk. It makes me wonder, has Lappen ever actually seen Silva? Of all the people I’d be willing to stick my neck out for when it comes to steroid allegations, the guy with the frighteningly-prominent brow and the Cro-Magnon jaw structure might not be my first choice.

(“I see you can ‘andle my riddum.”)

In an interview with Kevin Iole of Yahoo! Sports, Dana White confirmed that BJ Penn and George St. Pierre would have their rematch at the UFC’s Super Bowl weekend event on January 31st, 2009, in Las Vegas. GSP’s welterweight belt will be on the line.

White also confirmed that UFC 91 will be held November 15th in Portland, Oregon, and will indeed feature a lightweight bout between Kenny Florian and Joe Stevenson. (We can safely infer now that BJ Penn won’t be fighting again at the end of the year.) When asked about Wanderlei Silva’s next Octagon appearance, White would only say that the Axe Murderer probably wouldn’t be part of their December 27th event in Las Vegas — which could mean they’re still pushing for him to headline the Portland card against Quinton Jackson, or that they’re extending his hiatus until early ’09.

“We have nothing but big fights left for the rest of the year, but this is so crazy because there are so many of them,” White said. “We’re going to have a retreat on Monday to figure this all out.” Here’s what’s on the dry-erase board at this point…

UFC 88 (September 6th, Atlanta): Liddell/Evans, Franklin/Hamill, Parisyan/Yoshida, Henderson/Palhares

UFC Fight Night 15 (September 17th, Omaha): Diaz/Neer, Danzig/Guida, Alexander/Schafer, Lauzon/Bradley

UFC 89 (October 18th; Birmingham, England): Bisping/Leben, Machida/T. Silva, Jardine/Vera, Sokoudjou/Cane, Carwin/Wain

UFC 90 (October 25th, Chicago): A. Silva/Cote, Sanchez/Alves, Sherk/Griffin, Franca/Tibau

UFC 91 (November 15th, Portland): Florian/Stevenson

The Ultimate Fighter 8 Finale (December 13th, Las Vegas): no fights announced yet

UFC 92 (December 27th, Las Vegas): Nogueira/Mir

UFC 93 (January 31st, Las Vegas): Penn/St. Pierre

(Grow some bushido, y’pansy.)

“I guess they were trying to get Aoki, but he’s got no bushido. I don’t think Aoki wants to fight me. He’s got no warrior spirit. He’s from Japan, who would have thought?” — Jake Shields issues his own “Don’t be scared, homey” to Shinya Aoki, who allegedly turned down an offer to fight EliteXC’s welterweight champ.

“This is the flaw with American fans. On the one hand, the American fan is incredibly intelligent and gets the game and understands what’s going on, but literally the other hand is, the other 50 percent of them are morons who have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about.” — Frank Trigg on the superiority of Japanese MMA fans.

“To be honest he was really slippery and I don’t mean that like technically-wise, he was really slippery. I don’t know, I don’t want to speculate and say that something was used or whatever but he was just hard to hang on to and that was from all the positions. Even when I had him in like a headlock or a guillotine everything was just really slippery…all I know is I’m good at keeping those positions and I know the difference between sweat and something else and it felt like something else but who knows. (Jokingly) Maybe it’s Albolene left over from the day before from the weight cut!” — Kenny Florian politely accuses Roger Huerta of being a filthy, greasy cheater.

“I would say the only guarantee K.J. has is to pull up a chair and watch the event and get comfortable on that chair because he’ll be sitting for a little bit.” — EliteXC VP Jared Shaw on K.J. Noons’s options if he declines the fight with Nick Diaz.

(You thought the fight was messy…)

Three KJ Noons stories in one day? It feels like that episode of “The Twilight Zone” where everyone looked like pigs except for the one blonde girl, only instead of everyone looking like pigs they’re all talking about KJ Noons, which is even crazier. I don’t know who would be the blonde girl in this analogy, but you get the point.

Insane though it may be, this is too good not to report. You remember the deadline put forth by Jared Shaw? Where he said KJ Noons had until 5 pm today to agree to the bout with Nick Diaz, and if he didn’t he would face the dreaded “public opinion” as a consequence? Well, get your opinions ready, because according to Noons’ manager, Mark Dion, they aren’t concerned in the least with Shaw’s ultimatum:

“The update on [the deadline] is nothing is going to happen with it,” Dion said. “That’s what’s going to happen with that. I don’t care about how many threats [Shaw] wants to pull. We’ll be doing a press conference if EliteXC doesn’t see the light here pretty soon and if Shaw doesn’t stop talking [expletive].”

“As far as Nick Diaz, he’s not the No. 1 contender out there,” Dion said. “To [EliteXC] he is. He’s the number one (for getting) eyeballs to (watch) them. They’re pushing on eyeballs versus a career move for a champion like KJ. KJ is really not the one who gets anything out of the fight. Diaz does and so does ProElite.”

“We’ll do a press conference to discuss everything,” Dion said. “But there’s nothing in it for KJ unless [EliteXC] finally wakes up a little bit. That’s why we’ll have a press conference. I don’t like to talk and beat a company that’s already beat down. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully they’ll see the light.”

Looks like the relationship between KJ Noons/Mark Dion and Elite XC/Jared Shaw just went from unfriendly to straight-up hostile. Dion just had to go and mention that Pro Elite is struggling. That’s like bringing someone’s mother into the argument. Now this thing is personal.

(Trump Jr.: Voted most likely to buy and sell jerks like you.)

In an interview with MMA Rated Radio today Donald Trump Jr. discusses the Trump involvement in Affliction, along with related topics. The interview as a whole is definitely worth listening to, if for no other reason than to hear the occasional Thurston Howell III-type inflection come into Trump Jr’s voice, but things really get interesting when they start talking Tito Ortiz.

As we’ve all heard by now, the talks aren’t going well, which is par for the Tito course. But to hear Trump Jr. tell it, Ortiz’s sense of his own worth is even more out of control than we thought:

“It was a bit of a shock to us…I can’t make it a one man show or the Tito Ortiz show giving him more than a guy like Fedor who is coming in here with a winning record…I was (disappointed). I was shocked. It was almost like don’t even bother calling back because there is no point in making a deal here…it was aggressive.”

“There’s nothing concrete as of yet. If we can come to something, great. If not, so be it.”

“I think Tito’s obviously a good draw and he’d be good to have for a show. To say anything else would be stupid. However, that draw comes with an expense. In the cost-benefit analysis the question is, is it worth it? The answer is, at those numbers, definitely not.”

Trump Jr. also said that he was not surprised to hear the reports that Ortiz was once more negotiating with Zuffa, saying he expected him to “try and play both sides,” but given the acrimonious relationship with Dana White he thinks Ortiz will eventually end up signing with Affliction.

If it doesn’t go down that way, I doubt the Trump’s will be crying into their martinis. At Ariel Helwani’s prodding, Trump Jr. seemed to admit that the early negotiations with Ortiz have made him wonder if the guy isn’t more trouble than he’s worth, regardless of the price. Like the magic eight ball says, ‘All signs point to yes.’

(Unrelated picture of Gina Carano posing with Tim Curry for EA’s Red Alert 3 courtesy of Fightlinker.)

Just in case you were worried, Kelly Kobald won’t let her respect for Gina Carano get in the way of kicking the crap out of her when they meet at EliteXC/CBS’s third “Saturday Night Fights” show on October 4th. Fighthype has a great interview with Kobald where the Minneapolis native puts the full measure of her ‘tude on display. For example…

On her physique: “I’m probably the biggest girl Gina has ever fought. I’m not tall, but I’m built like a brick shithouse. I’m pretty thick as far as that goes. I have more of a powerlifter type build. I’ve damn near had to cut off a leg to make 135 in my last 2 fights. My comfort range is to fight at about 150-155 pounds…I’m definitely not going to be someone that she can push around.”

On her back-to-back losses: “It’s unfortunate that Gina has to be the opponent that I have to face coming off of those losses because I’m coming out to win. I’m coming for blood. I’m out to validate my name and I’m looking to hurt somebody; not just win. I need to win and once she steps inside of the cage with me, my respect for her as a fighter, or lack thereof, is really not going to come into play.”

On her training camp: “I have a really good training partner that has already fought Gina (Kaitlin Young)…I’m training with Brett Rogers, the heavyweight from EliteXC and Team Bison, and I’m also training with former UFC champion Sean Sherk and also Brock Lesnar at Minnesota Mixed Martial Arts Academy as well. I couldn’t have a better group of people to train with.”

On her match with Gina: “I’m looking for a 1st or 2nd round TKO or stoppage. Gina may be the face of MMA, but I have to say, win, lose or draw I’m going to be the pretty one leaving the cage. I plan on fucking her shit up.”

Boo-yah! We suggest you read the rest here. Props to Bloody Elbow for the heads-up.

Related: Kelly Kobald vs. Adrienna Jenkins (video)

From ESPN: The Iceman discusses the hamstring injury that has sidelined him since April, and shares his thoughts on Rashad Evans, who he’ll face at UFC 88 (September 6th, Atlanta). He also says he expects to get the next light-heavyweight title shot after the fight. Sorry, buddy — Thiago’s already called dibs.