Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

September, 2008

Kimbo Slice to Gutpunch David Blaine on TV Tonight

David Blaine Kimbo Slice MMA
(Photo courtesy of Esther Lin via Fightlinker.)

Our Blood Brothers at Holy Taco recently described David Blaine thusly:

I go to a buffet place called Soup Plantation once every month or so and every time I go through the all-you-can-eat soup bar, they have this “Irish Potato Leek” soup that looks like a creature is going to crawl out of it and start a new species that will eventually become the dominant one on earth. I’ve never seen anyone eat it, ever, and this is a six dollar buffet that many sleeveless patrons frequent. Somehow, even though everyone hates it, it keeps getting a spot on the buffet line. This is how I feel about David Blaine. How is it possible that he still gets TV deals to do shit when everyone I know hates him?

Of course, the main reason that Blaine-haters hate him so much is that there’s very little “magic” involved in what he does. He’ll stand on a ledge for a long time. Or he’ll sit in a glass box for a long time, or hold his breath for a long time. Watching his act requires a lot more patience than we have. And now he’s dragged Kimbo Slice into his world of garbage-ass illusion. Esther Lin has the story:

Last week, David Blaine stopped by Bas Rutten’s gym here in Southern California, to shoot a piece for his Dive of Death special, airing Wednesday night on ABC. The “trick” is going to be Kimbo Slice punching David Blaine in the stomach and is an homage to Houdini, whom David says is his hero (duh). I say “trick” because I don’t know what kind of trick there is to getting punched in the abdomen besides flexing and hoping for the best. Blaine explains before taping that Houdini died from injuries sustained taking punches to the stomach. [Ed. note: Bullshit.]


The Amir/Verne Caption Contest: Are You a Big Winner?

Amir Sadollah Verne TroyerMatt Serra UFC Hall of Fame

Jesus Christ, you guys must really want that t-shirt. With nearly 300 entries, our latest caption contest was our most popular to date. Here are the five readers who are getting their very own “Hall of Fame” tees:

Vrax: Dana White takes a rare break from his mech-suit.

Shawn: The UFC 88 after party featured many stars of the MMA world. Pictured here is Amir Sadollah, TUF7 winner, alongside Verne Troyer, future EliteXC headliner.

joe joe: Slightly above Elvis Sinosic as far as first opponents for TUF winners.

Archer0545: (Goldbergs Voice) “Amir is 64 inches taller and enjoys a 36 inch reach advantage, everything else is virtually identical.”

Sam: “that’s not how you make a fist you retard.”

Bonus: I’d also like to give shirts to two more readers who posted brilliant comments recently. They are…

Ted Nutmeg on Antonio Silva Is Seriously Fighting That Steroid Charge: In a related story, following his victory at UFC Fight Night 15 Nate Diaz tested positive for 200 times the normal concentration of realness, motherfucker.

Reckless on “Jenna Jameson to Have Two of Tito Ortiz’s Babies, Consecutively”: Those kids are gonna walk out of that vagina. then eat a right hook from chuck.

If your name has been called, please e-mail with your address and size, and we’ll get those shirts out to you ASAP. As for the rest of you, great work with the captions, but you ain’t gettin’ shit. So please go here to buy a “Hall of Fame” shirt for $12. More brilliant CagePotato t-shirt designs will come in the future if this one does well, so help us out, eh?


Tom Atencio Calls ‘Next’ on Fedor, But Affliction II Looking More Questionable

(‘Look at that, same size I was in high school.’)

Fedor Emelianenko loves three things: competing in Sambo tournaments, eating two ice cream cones at once, and fighting in New Year’s Eve freak show matches in Japan. We know this about Fedor. We accept this about him. So that’s why when he appeared at Dream.6 and made comments about a potential NYE fight in Japan, we naturally wondered what that meant for his participation in Affliction’s second event in California. You know, the one that was “rescheduled” for January after a Fedor-less card failed to sell tickets in Las Vegas.

But Affliction VP Tom Atencio says not to worry. Fedor won’t be fighting in Japan on New Year’s Eve because Affliction has “extended his contract.” When asked if that meant Fedor was a lock for January 19, Atencio dropped this minor shocker:

“The date and location are not official,” Atencio said. “Everyone is tripping. Our next show will definitely be the 1st quarter of 2009 in January, possibly February. Nothing is confirmed though.”

Wait a minute, we’re tripping? Us, the people who think that maybe you should consider nailing down a venue, a date, and — dare I say it — even a fight card for the event you hope to sell tickets to? That’s “tripping”? Since when did Tom Atencio become a college sophomore at a Dave Matthews concert? We don’t mean to be a buzzkill or anything, but these are the kinds of details that could end up being pretty important down the road.


Alistair Overeem Calls Cro Cop a Faker?

(‘This is my hammer. I call her Sheila. You do not want to make Sheila angry.’)

Knees to the groin aside, Alistair Overeem isn’t buying Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic‘s claims that he could not continue during last night’s Dream.6 bout. Cro Cop’s anguish looked pretty genuine, and Overeem’s knees seemed intent on finding his testicles, but Fighters Only reports that the Dutchman thinks dude was faking it in order to get out of a beating:

“Tonight I was kicking his ass, I destroyed him. …The first knee was in the crotch but the second was not. CroCop just didn’t want to fight anymore.”

“I think he underestimated me, but if he wants to fight again, I’ll fight him again. I’d like to finish him.”

Overeem was dominating the fight. That much seems apparent, though Cro Cop would have us believe that he was just biding his time and waiting for the right moment to stop getting his ass kicked.

But whatever you think of Cro Cop and his ethical code, that knee strike was clearly in the groin neighborhood. A cursory examination of the video evidence proves that much. Even if Overeem feels that he didn’t get him right on the buttons, as it were, he’s got to concede that Cro Cop might have been just a little extra sensitive in the testicular region at that point in the fight, seeing as how he’d already been nailed there. Nobody likes to see a fight end like that, especially the guy who leaves the ring with one of his testicles inside his body, but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.


Silva’s Manager Mildly Contradicts Retirement Claim

Ed Soares Anderson Silva MMA UFC
(Photo courtesy of MMAJunkie.)

Yesterday, we wrung our hands about Anderson Silva‘s claim that he would retire next year. Nobody was more taken aback by the news than Silva’s manager, Ed Soares, who reassured Mike Chiappetta at NBC Sports that Silva’s retirement is 19 months away at the earliest. (“Next year” could mean “15 months from now” if you do the math, but whatever.) Here’s what Soares had to say:

“His goal has always been to retire at 35 years old. That’s his goal. He’s still got a good 19 months until he turns 35. He’s got six fights still on his contract. He’d love to retire at 35 and finish on top. It’s been something he’s thinking about even before he was champ…

Maybe he gets to 35 and he still feels great. I told him, ‘If you get to 35 and change your mind, that’s fine. But let’s complete one goal: let’s get to 35 and make that decision.’”

According to Soares, one of the main reasons for Silva’s looming retirement is his desire to spend more time with his family. (“Soares estimated Silva only gets to spend about 25 percent of his time at home.”)

Nineteen months doesn’t seem like a long time, but when you think of it in terms of six fights, then yeah, maybe we’ll be ready to let go by April 2010. We just hope Silva makes those fights count, and that they’re not all eaten up by obligatory title defenses. This would be a good time for the UFC to try scaring up some outside middleweight talent to put against The Spider. I think the U.S. is ready to meet this Gegard Mousasi fella, for example…


Jenna Jameson To Have Two of Tito Ortiz’s Babies, Consecutively

Tito Ortiz Jenna Jameson
(“We’re thinking about home-schooling them.”)

Twins, in other words. From venerable gossip site PerezHilton:

Double The Baby Joy!

As was the first to exclusively confirm, Jenna Jameson and boyfriend Tito Ortiz are expecting their first child. Well, now, sources reveal exclusively to that the blonde beauty is having twins!

“They’re having twins,” a friend of the superstar tells us. “Jenna and Tito just found out. They are beyond thrilled!”

The happy couple just bought a new — much bigger home — for their growing family in the beach near Los Angeles, sources tell us.

Congrats to the happy couple!!!

Perez’s enthusiasm seemed to come as a shock to his readers, who were perhaps expecting him to illustrate the article with penises crudely drawn on an ultrasound photo. Some sample comments…

rondonna: “This site is a fucking joke anymore. Why would we congratulate this pig and her loser husband. That poor kid, oh, my mom was a porn star, Poor thing.”

PooPooButt: “Hope they both die, what a horrible existance it would be to have that fucked off whore as a mother.”

BritneyBitch: “What the fuck is up with Perez supporting a true whore and hating on a young teen girls who are not even whore…yet he calls them sluts? Must be really hard being a fat man who takes cock in the ass.”

And so on. Feel free to suggest names for the double-bundles of joy in the comments section. If they’re boys, I’m thinking “Team” and “Punishment,” and if they’re girls, maybe “Punishment” and “Athletics.”

(Props: “Old, Bald & Irish”)


Videos: Dream’s Night of Beatdowns

Gegard Mousasi vs. Melvin Manhoef

Zelg Galesic vs. Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza

The conclusion of Dream.6′s middleweight Grand Prix, plus more, after the jump.

Props: MMA Scraps


Matt Hamill Defends His Trainer

(No, Matt! Don’t stand and trade with her, take her down! Photo from MMA Hot Stuff.)

After Matt Hamill’s loss to Rich Franklin at UFC 88, Duff Holmes, Hamill’s trainer, was not pleased. Holmes claimed that his man had no fighting spirit, that he’d let the UFC and his fans down, and that “The Hammer” had some psychological issues to work out before he ever got in the Octagon again. Taking this gripe to the media seemed counterproductive to us, not to mention completely unnecessary. Hamill, however, says he isn’t bothered by it:

“I don’t follow what people say in the media,” said Hamill. “All I can say is I didn’t follow the game plan that we put together. Duff wants me to perform at the level he knows I’m capable of. I’m glad I have a trainer that won’t accept that performance and I respect him for speaking the truth. Duff didn’t do anything wrong.”


“I guess people are right to say that I was too nice and I let our friendship take my killer instinct away,” said Hamill. “But I can’t take anything away from Rich. Rich is a great guy and a great fighter.”

Aw, dammit, Matt. You’re doing it again! You’re being too nice! Where’s the killer instinct? Where’s the anger? Quick, call somebody a cocksucker. Anyone, it doesn’t matter who. Go on. I’ll wait…

You’re not going to do it, are you? Okay, fine. I can’t stay mad at you. You’re just so likable.


Velasquez Unlikely for Al-Turk Fight After Knee Injury

Cain Velasquez Brad Morris UFC MMA
(Cain Velasquez cracks Brad Morris at UFC 83. Photo courtesy of

As a couple of you pointed out yesterday, a match between Cain Velasquez and a foreigner with “a terrorist name” would have been perfect for UFC’s “Fight for the Troops” event on December 10th. Unfortunately, the Velasquez/Mustapha Al-Turk bout is in danger as the American fighter recently suffered a knee injury in training, and is currently recovering from arthroscopic surgery. According to MMAWeekly, a final decision on Velasquez’s status will be made in two weeks, but his fight will probably be rescheduled to UFC 92 (12/27) or 93 (1/31).

“Fight for the Troops” — which aims to raise millions for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund and the National Intrepid Center of Excellence — will be broadcast for free on Spike. So far, the card looks like this:

Mike Swick vs. Jonathan Goulet
Steve Bruno vs. Luke Cummo
Frankie Edgar vs. Matt Wyman
Luigi Fioravanti vs. Brodie Farber
Eddie Sanchez vs. Justin McCully
Dale Hartt vs. Corey Hill

Update: Al-Turk will now face Cheick Kongo on the main card of UFC 92 (December 27th, Las Vegas).


Mousasi Wins DREAM Middleweight GP; Aoki, Kharitonov, Akiyama Also Victorious

DREAM.6 Japan MMA Mousasi Aoki Jacare Manhoef Cro Cop

Armenian-Dutch fighter Gegard Mousasi put in a career-making performance at today’s DREAM.6 in Saitama, Japan, earning quick stoppage victories over Melvin Manhoef and Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza to win the middleweight grand prix. In his first fight of the night, Mousasi easily dominated Manhoef, quickly scoring a trip-takedown, then securing the mount and clamping on a triangle choke when Manhoef reversed the position. Manhoef attempted to slam out of it, but was forced to tap at the 1:28 mark. Meanwhile on the other side of the bracket, Souza enjoyed a similarly brief win over Croatian Zelg Galesic. After getting a double-leg takedown, Souza passed from guard to mount and snatched an armbar when Galesic tried to buck.

Both men moved into the GP finals relatively fresh — not that they needed to be. When Mousasi and Souza finally met in the last fight of the night, it seemed like Mousasi was in over his head, as Souza first slammed him then began to drop punches from half-guard. But Souza made the fatal error of standing up, and Mousasi caught him with a Hail Mary upkick that knocked Jacare out cold as he began to dive in for a punch.

DREAM.6′s non-tourney featured matches went pretty much as expected, with the stars beating up on the cans. Shinya Aoki returned to his flamboyantly winning ways, hopping on the back of WEC castoff Todd Moore and finishing him at the 1:10 mark with a neck crank. Jimmy Ambriz should be applauded for lasting over two minutes with Sergei Kharitonov, who battered The Titan with vicious strikes until Ambriz was forced to tap on the ground. After abusing him for most of the first round, Yoshihiro Akiyama submitted karate practitioner Masanori Tonooka (1-2), who, let’s just say, is no Lyoto Machida.

The only real surprise (and disappointment) was how the heavyweight feature between Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic and Alistair Overeem played out.