Junie, Junie, Junie. [*shakes head*]

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter started with the guys peacefully watching UFC 84, you know, just minding their own business. We see several highlights of Lyoto Machida beating up on Tito Ortiz. (So Dana White edits this show too? Impressive.) Inevitably, the evening is ruined by Junie Allen Goddamned Browning, who goes through a few bottles of chardonnay with Shane Nelson. Junie starts screwing with Team Nogueira, throws his drink in Kyle Kingsbury’s face, and then the glass, which breaks and cuts KK’s arm. This creates the major engine in the episode’s drama: Junie becomes convinced that he’s getting kicked out of the house for injuring his housemate, so he might as well self-destruct completely.

Shane Nelson, who “has the alcohol tolerance of a 12-year-old girl,” starts harassing Ryan Bader, then Roli Delgado, then Efrain Escudero; he shoves Roli and Efrain, trying to bait one of them into a fight, but they keep their respective cools. Junie and Shane are the Toxic Twins, feeding off each other’s bullshit, doing their best to out-do the other. They start throwing furniture into the pool.

Eventually, the other guys go outside to observe the damage. Junie gets in K-Sos’s face. “I wish y’all were my size,” he says to the light-heavyweights. K-Sos, the passive-aggressive prankster, gently places Junie’s clothes in the pool after he dives in. When Junie finds them, he’s understandably upset. K-Sos, unlike his last prank on light-heavyweight Ryan Bader, claims ownership for this one. Junie calls him a bitch. K-Sos calmly explains, “You’re the bitch. You are the biggest bitch of them all.” Bader throws Junie’s stuff back in the pool, and Junie drags him in, then kicks Tom LOL’er when him and Bader are pulled out. After a while, he cools off and tells everyone how much he likes them. What a bitch.

(Somehow, even in these bleak economic times, this man still has a job.)

Houston Alexander has apparently heard internet rumors to the effect that he’s been dropped from the UFC or has fired his entire coaching staff or desperately needs to learn the ground game. Oh, wait. That last part’s not a rumor. Anyway, the point is, he’s sick of it. So to clear the air and talk directly to fans without the filter of the MMA media, he turned to the Fight Magazine MMA blog:

People keep asking me what my plans are, they have read things all over the internet about my future with the UFC and how I am firing my coaching staff. So I thought I would address the rumors and my upcoming plans.

NO – I have not lost my UFC contract.

NO – I have not fired my coaching staff.

NO – I am not going to step down and fight for smaller organizations.

The loss last month was tough, but life goes on. People need to remember that I have only been fighting professionally for a year and a half. I have made great strides during that time, as well as faced some setbacks. My training will continue and we are looking at visiting some of the larger camps for additional training and strategy for my next fight. I have a lot to learn and am hoping to have everything straightened out before I enter the cage next time.

Look Houston, you seem like a nice guy so it’s hard not to feel some sympathy for you, but maybe the part about firing your coaching staff isn’t so crazy. If three straight losses isn’t a sign that something needs to change, I don’t know what is. And as for strategy, it should probably include either getting really good at jiu-jitsu really fast, or at least developing a top notch takedown defense. After what we’ve all seen in your last few fights, you can bet that everyone you face will be intent on getting the fight to the ground until you prove that it’s a bad idea.

Via MMA Weekly:

Since the Randy Couture fight, I have had lower back problems. Each fight it got worse. I have made it though the last eight fights by physical therapy, methylprednisolone pills, and spinal injections for last three fights.

I fought injured time and time again for the fans. After the Rashad (Evans) fight, I told the fight doctor I was having excruciating back pain. It was so bad that my security had to carry me from the Octagon to my dressing room to the press conference and back.

This continued for the next four months. If anyone has had back pain, you know the pain I deal with. It got to be so bad that I was barely able to get up off the couch or drive for longer than 20 minutes.

Now try to imagine training for eight hours a day and having to fight formidable opponents like Rashad, and (Lyoto) Machida. From November of 2007 to May of 2008, I did two separate injections and worked my ass off in physical therapy so I was able to fight Machida.

During the second round of the fight I felt the same pain as I did in the Rashad fight. After the fight, I told the fight doctor I was having back pain. It never got better. I didn’t want to fall into the terrible life of having to take painkillers in order to be capable of making it through training.

I simply refuse to fall into that trap. I started to look into other ways to help my back pain. I have done everything from rehab to injections to make it better and nothing has succeeded…

(Photo courtesy of HotChicksWithDouchebags.com.)

It’s a problem that affects so many Americans: You want to publicly proclaim your love of MMA, but when you wear Affliction and TapouT shirts to the bar, people automatically assume you’re an unbearable douchetard. It’s unfair, is what it is. We suggest checking out the following up-and-coming MMA apparel brands — rock this stuff and you’ll feel more “ahead of the curve” than “late to the party.”

ETERNAL UNLIMITED
The Lowdown: Repped by a horde of West Coast fighters like Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz, Jake Shields, Gilbert Melendez, and Joe Stevenson, Eternal launched a year ago with the goal of bringing street fashion and hip-hop influences to the MMA apparel scene. Their website features a “Technique of the Week” section, where EU’s sponsored fighters teach everything from guard-sweeps to keylocks.
CP Approved: The King (above) and the Shark, because predators are kickass!

SIX DEUCE GEAR
The Lowdown: Straight outta Ames, Iowa, Six Deuce has been putting out quirky fight-sport-themed apparel since late 2005. If you’re reading this site, you probably don’t mind a little humor mixed in with your MMA, which means the Deuce could be right up your alley.
CP Approved: The Japanophilic Fate shirt (above), as well as the Joe Rogan-friendly Rolling Stoned and the men’s room-influenced Bye Bye Head.

(What bonus?)

Benji Radach led off the CBS portion of Elite XC: Heat with an exciting second-round knockout of “Ninja” Rua, but says he was never informed by Elite XC officials before the bout that there was even the possibility of a ‘knockout of the night’ bonus, as Seth Petruzelli says he received for felling Kimbo Slice.

“No, not at all,” Radach said, when asked whether Elite XC officials ever mentioned knockout, submission, or fight of the night bonuses, before or after the event. “I wish there was a bonus because I think my fight was really exciting, maybe fight of the night or knockout of the night. But nope, I never heard anything.”

This contradicts Petruzelli’s claim that Elite XC mentioned the post-fight bonuses before the event, which caused him to stand and strike with Kimbo in the hopes of notching the knockout of the night.

That clarification came after Petruzelli seemed to suggest, during a radio interview with Monsters in the Morning, that he’d been paid extra by Elite XC to keep the fight with Kimbo standing. Petruzelli then said the extra money was simply for a knockout bonus, and was for the same amount as the submission of the night and fight of the night bonuses.

There’s been as of yet no word from Elite XC on which fighters received these other bonuses, just as there has been little mention of these bonuses in past Elite XC events.

Update: Elite XC’s Jeremy Lappen tells Josh Gross that some fighter contracts have KO bonuses built into them and some don’t. Submission bonuses, however, are a myth in Elite XC:

“We’re just trying to create exciting fights,” Lappen said, doing some spinning of his own. “Fast-paced energy fights. It’s just something we’ve always done.”

EliteXC, it seems, does not view submissions, widely thought of as the most technical aspect of MMA, as an overly important portion of an exciting fight.

“We don’t give submission bonuses,” Lappen said. But Petruzelli “knew a knockout bonus was possible before the fight.”

MMA Rated is floating the rumor that UFC 93 from Dublin, Ireland will be shown on a delayed free broadcast on Spike TV on January 17. This makes sense when you consider the UFC’s increasingly consistent practice of using UK cards on Spike as a way to pump up forthcoming pay-per-views, such as they’re doing later this month with UFC 89 airing for free from England just a week before UFC 90 in Chicago, which you’re going to have to pay for.

The only thing that might make us wonder if we won’t end up paying $45 for this one is the fact that the main event for 93 is slated to be a light heavyweight clash between Dan Henderson and Rich Franklin. The card is also said to include Mark Coleman and “Shogun” Rua reprising their meeting in Pride, hopefully this time without the freakish injury and ensuing Hammer House-Chute Boxe brawl (Okay, they can brawl again, but only if they have another uncomfortable “apology” backstage afterwards).

Oddly, January 17 is also the date that Affliction was originally rumored to be considering for their second show. That’s before Tom Atencio said they had no date and admitted he wanted no part of any direct competition with the UFC, which is perfectly understandable. A free show of that magnitude on the same night would have really put Affliction in a bind, but as of right now it looks like they’ll squeak in between the free show from Dublin and a January 31 pay-per-view with (God willing) a Georges St. Pierre-BJ Penn superfight main event.

If this all holds true, UFC 93 might be the best UFC event in a very long time to air for free. And yes, I know Spike TV isn’t technically free since it’s on cable, but come on. You have internet access but no cable? Dude, you gotta move out of your mom’s house.

(‘Hey Hollywood. Fuck you.’)

Apparently running the world’s most successful MMA organization leaves UFC president Dana White with a lot of free time. Just when things are going great for him in the fight biz, White has decided to try his hand at producing a TV show that is not about MMA or even about the dashing, bald president of an MMA organization. No, my friends, this is a scripted drama about the Irish mob.

According to the Hollywood Reporter the “untitled project” is about the violent fallout when a Boston mob boss abdicates his position and rival factions struggle for control in a bloody war.

Okay, that does sound like it has the potential to be good. But I liked it the first time I saw it when it was called King Lear and it was written by a guy name of Bill Shakespeare. I even liked it the second time when it was done by Akira Kurosawa and it was called Ran. But whatever. I’m sure Dana White is every bit the dramatist those guys are.

The script is being penned by Chris Bertolini, who wrote “The General’s Daughter,” so at least someone knows what he’s doing here. It’s just a good thing Dana White wasn’t on hand for that project, or else John Travolta might have had to listen to more than one ‘do you want to be a fucking actor?’ speech over the course of the filming.

As far as what we should expect from the show, White says:

“I know who I’m catering to, and that’s 18- to 34-year-old males who are the ones watching Spike TV,” he said. “We’re going to push the limits on this show, like ‘Nip/Tuck’ and ‘The Shield’ — violence, sex, bad language. We’re going to see how big Spike’s balls are on this one.”

Spike is the same network that airs the hopelessly stupid Manswers. So the size of their balls is a question that has already been, shall we say, manswered.

(Props: MMA Payout)

Above is Quinton “Rampage” Jackson‘s complete appearance in Midnight Meat Train, a weird little horror flick which made back just $73,548 of its reported $15,000,000 budget during its very-limited release in August. Jackson plays some sort of Guardian Angel who likes to harass strangers. Vinnie Jones plays a mild-mannered looking dude with a bad cough and a penchant for beating people to death with a steel mallet. When they meet, it’s cinematic magic. (Actually, it’s the most broke-ass fight scene since They Live.)

(Money well spent.)

It looks like all our outrage was for naught. Speaking on behalf of the Florida State Boxing Commission, Department of Business and Professional Regulation press secretary Alexis Antonacci told MMA Weekly that the FSBC does not interpret Seth Petruzelli’s recent interview comments as evidence of fight fixing:

“We take Petruzelli’s comments to mean that he got paid more to move up in the card, which is accurate and perfectly within the regulations. Because without someone, him in this case, stepping in to be part of the main event, the event would not have gone off…We don’t believe any wrongdoing occurred. That being said, if someone believes that wrongdoing did occur, they can file a complaint with the commission, with the department, and we will look into it.”

According to Antonacci, one or more FSBC officials were present during the negotiations between EliteXC and Petruzelli, and had verified there was no impropriety.

Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer — who may be biased due to his long association with the UFC, but whaddya gonna do — sees it another way. As he told MMA Weekly:

“Hypothetically, if that happened, and we found out later that one of the fighters or both were told, ‘look, you need to fight a certain way,’ or some incentive not to utilize part of your skills, I would file a complaint. I would file a complaint against the promoter; I would probably file a complaint against the athlete as well.”

On the bright side, this sport doesn’t need a scandal right now. Without more proof than some tossed-off remarks on a morning zoo radio show, it’s probably for the best that this all went away. (Though if you want to take Antonacci up on her offer and file a complaint with the commission, go for it…)

(Somebody better tell him that’s not a regulation boxing glove.)

I love guessing games. And it is because I love guessing games that Affliction and the ever-changing story behind their second event is a constant joy for me. So what’s the story now? Will they have a completely new date scheduled? Will they claim to have no date at all? Will they go so far as to name some of the fighters on the card? Or will they shoot down any interesting rumors about who might be fighting?

This time around Affliction VP Tom Atencio is saying the main event will likely be a boxing match, thanks to Golden Boy’s involvement, and MMA will comprise the entirety of the undercard:

“We are going to do a combination show of boxing and MMA. They will run the back end and we will do what we do well.” Atencio says of the show. “It will be between nine and ten fights total. Right now it looks like we are going to do a boxing main event and everything under it will be MMA. It really depends on who we have boxing though. If they are big enough names then absolutely they will be the main event and that is what we have planned right now. Things change though and we have nothing finalized.”

Hold up, Tom. What about Fedor? We all know he’s the cornerstone of this little operation. Is he lacing up the boxing gloves, you know, just to give himself a challenge? Because if not, it sounds like you’re saying either a) Fedor won’t be the main event (and when’s the last time that happened), or b) he won’t be on the card at all.

Option b sounds more realistic, what with Josh Barnett saying he won’t fight Fedor in January and Fedor feeling his annual New Year’s Eve itch coming on. But on that subject, Atencio is uncharacteristically forthcoming.

(Photo courtesy of MMA Junkie.)

Seth Petruzelli can’t understand why all you internet conspiracy theorists might possibly think that Elite XC paid him extra to stand and bang with Kimbo Slice rather than take him down. What a crazy notion. All he did was go on a radio show and say:

The promoters kinda hinted to me, and they gave me the money to stand and trade with him. They didn’t want me to take him down. Let’s just put it that way. It was worth my while to try and stand up and punch with him.

Oh crap. That sounds like he said exactly what he’s now saying that he didn’t say. Don’t worry, Sam Caplan sat down with Petruzelli to help him sort it all out. Among the revelations in the full Five Ounces of Pain interview with Petruzelli: he’d been drinking all night before making those comments on that radio show, but still feels like he “worded it perfectly” (so why mention the drinking at all?), the extra money was just for a knockout bonus, and he feels the whole thing has been blown out of proportion.

Petruzelli explains it was all on the up-and-up, but something doesn’t sound right.

(Props to “Michael L.” for the image.)

From our dawgs at Complex.com:

Well, that was quick. Only four fights into his highly publicized mixed martial arts career and Kevin Ferguson a.k.a Kimbo Slice, the street fighter turned savior of the MMA world, was knocked the fuck out on Saturday night by some no-name dude with pink highlights. In 14 seconds.

What kind of peanut butter and jelly bullshit is that, you ask? Hell if we know. But either that was a set up for a rematch or Kimbo Slice’s MMA career may be coming to an abrupt end. Now, we’re sure the people that run EliteXC won’t let him fall from grace before milking a few more dollars out of him, but if, for some reason, Kimbo felt the need to find another line of work, we have a few suggestions…

BECOME A RAPPER

Rap is all about posturing and posing. You really don’t even need to know how to cleverly put words together. All he would need to do is get a video camera and have one of his duns record him taking shots at an unassuming rapper. And with Kimbo being from Miami, all he has to do is holler at Khaled, and he’ll probably get thrown on the next We The Best Music Group anthems.

BECOME A PORN STAR

Before he started fighting professionally, Kimbo was hired muscle for the Reality Kings crew, i.e. the same dudes that bring you such memorable, wholesome entertainment as MILF Hunter. It would be nothing for Kimbo to put in some work in front of the camera. We’re sure he’d be able to give Mr. Marcus a run for the crown…

Read the rest of this list at Complex.com. And no, Kimbo isn’t posing with some butch lesbian in the above photo, that’s Andy Milonakis.

Finland took on South Korea in the third installment of the M-1 Challenge on HDNet, and the one who really shines in this highlight video recap is the announcer who’s tasked with pronouncing the plethora of difficult names. That guy is a pro. Finland turns out to have some tough bastards on their team from the looks of it. South Korea, on the other hand, has one totally awesome and very happy ass-kicker in the form of Hyun-Gyu Lim. That one guy might not be enough to win the M-1 Challenge for them, but dammit, his enthusiasm is downright infectious.

After the jump check out Inside MMA from Strikeforce: Payback in Colorado. A little after the ten-minute mark they talk with Frank Trigg. I dare you to watch it and pay attention to anything other than his ear. No, fuck that. I double dare you.

(P.S. Bas Rutten also interviews Kimbo Slice before his fight with Ken Shamrock, or so he thought. Ever the seer, Kimbo advises us not to blink. Oh, irony. You cruel bitch.)

(CNBC’s sports business readers aren’t an optimistic bunch.)

As the Kimbo Slice backlash pendulum swings to and fro in the days following his defeat, we find ourselves asking what lingering affect Slice’s fourteen-second performance might have on the MMA landscape. The good news, some MMA pundits tell us, is that people are talking. They’re covering Kimbo Slice on ESPN. They’re talking about him in the mainstream news media. There is a buzz, in other words, thanks to Elite XC and Kimbo Slice.

And that’s nice, except for when you stop to listen to what these people are actually saying. CNBC’s sports business guru Darren Rovell, put it thusly:

…[T]his will turn out to be a great case study in sports marketing.

You have a really marketable asset in a guy like Kimbo Slice. The problem is, he’s a good street fighter against normal guys. He’s just not that good of an MMA fighter. So you know that he has to continue to win, but there aren’t enough weak guys for him to fight. In fact, as was proven in Petruzelli, a decent guy can beat him. The other problem is that you can only fix the results if the guy makes it to three rounds, which you’re never guaranteed. Slice couldn’t have won on Saturday night. He was getting pounded. Mike Tyson was Mike Tyson because he really was a talented fighter, along with all the weird baggage that we loved.

An astute analysis, even if we were sick of the Kimbo Slice/Mike Tyson comparisons months ago. But Gravell, who wrote about how drawn he was to Kimbo’s persona and backstory when he fought on the first CBS show, seems to have come to the realization that it was all hype. Which should be encouraging, because it means that maybe the people who were drawn to the sport because of the Kimbo buzz will not abandon it now that they realize he’s far from the best MMA has to offer.

NBC Sports’ resident MMA expert Mike Chiapetta says Kimbo’s loss is no good for anybody in MMA, no matter what we might say to the contrary:

Yeah, it’s an old fight, but thanks to MMA Fight Girls, I just saw it for the first time — here’s Kaitlin Young’s Cro Cop-esque head-kick KO of Miesha Tate during an eight-woman HOOKnSHOOT tournament last November. The fight starts at the 1:45 mark, and is over 30 seconds later. (Young won her first fight that night in 22 seconds, and the tournament final in 53 seconds.) Kaitlin is slated to fight Sarah Kaufman at EliteXC’s next event in Reno on November 8th.

(Skip to the 5:45 mark for the goods.)

CagePotato.com was just shouted out on G4′s Attack of the Show during a discussion about Seth Petruzelli’s TKO of Kimbo Slice and EliteXC’s bribery of Seth Petruzelli. Co-host Kevin Pereira described us as “one of [his], like, favorite MMA blogs.” Cool!

Bonus awesomeness after the jump…

(Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. Check out more pics from this set here.)

The Seth Petruzelli bribery story we discussed yesterday has taken a couple of left turns. First, FiveOuncesofPain contacted Petruzelli for a follow-up on his claim that EliteXC had paid him to keep his fight against Kimbo Slice standing, and Petruzelli backtracked, saying his words were being twisted:

“What was meant to be said was that I wanted to keep the fight standing for myself because I knew that was what the crowd, the promoters, and everyone wanted to see because that’s more exciting than just taking someone to the ground. That was my thing only. I wanted to keep it exciting so I decided to keep it standing. It had nothing to do with anybody else. That was all me.”

Keep it mind that this is a direct contradiction to what Petruzelli actually said during the interview, particularly the line “they gave me the money to stand and trade with him.” Yet when 5oz. asked him directly if EliteXC even hinted that he could receive a bonus by keeping the fight standing, Petruzelli flat-out denied it. (“I just wanted to keep it standing because I felt I could beat [Kimbo] at his own game.”)

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s going on here. After Petruzelli’s radio interview started sweeping the ‘nets, many MMA pundits and fans cried “fix,” even calling for charges to be brought against EliteXC. (Bribery to affect the outcome of a sanctioned fight is a felony in this country.) Petruzelli clearly didn’t understand how serious his revelation was at the time, and now he’s trying to save the asses of his employer and himself. For their part, EliteXC also denies that money was offered to Petruzelli in exchange for going easy on the takedowns. As EliteXC Head of Fight Operations Jeremy Lappen told Sherdog yesterday:

“Obviously we didn’t pay [Petruzelli] to stand. Kimbo had trained for months to fight a guy who’s fighting on the ground. We don’t care if people stand or take people down or what. It doesn’t matter to us. All we want is an exciting fight.”

But was Ken Shamrock actually going to be fighting on the ground?

(At least some people still do work for their half a mill, son.)

Before his bout with Andrei Arlovski on Saturday night, Roy Nelson said he wasn’t completely sure who was signing his check. Now we not only know it was Affliction, but we also know that “Big Country” and Arlovski made a combined $580,000 to represent the clotheir-turned-promoter on CBS. The bulk of that money — $500,000 with no win bonus — went to Arlovski for his impressive knockout victory. Even for Affliction, who likes throwing around money almost as much as they love skulls and chains, that’s a hefty price to pay to put one fight on someone else’s show. So was it worth it?

Aside from the exposure for their fighters, Affliction got their ban lifted long enough to throw their logos on the cage and get a few commercials in during the broadcast. As MMA Payout pointed out, that might say more about CBS’ ad sales for this show than it does for Affliction’s arrangement with Elite XC, but either way now there are a few million more people in the world who know about the Andrei Arlovski signature t-shirt line, and every little bit helps.

There’s also the matter of the aggressively vague “Fedor Will Return” ads (was anyone else reminded of the “Gabbo is coming!” ads from The Simpsons?). Beyond heaping more indignity on Tim Sylvia’s loss by pointing out that almost the entire fight can fit in one network TV spot, it does help get the word out to casual fight fans. The only problem is that when you don’t have a date or event to hype, you have to wonder what that’s really worth.

Affliction had a great opportunity with those ads to really advance public knowledge of their MMA organization. Instead they hyped their shirts and failed to tell us when and how we could pay them money to see their marquee fighter perform. I suppose you have to know that information yourself before you can pass it on to others, but isn’t that just one more reason for them to get moving on this January event?

Now we know why Kimbo Slice didn’t seem too bothered by his fourteen-second loss at Elite XC: Heat. Turns out he made half a million dollars for his brief night of work. That works out to $35,714.29 per second of cage time for Kimbo, which is an even better per second salary than Tim Sylvia received for his thirty-six-second loss to Fedor Emelianenko ($22,222.22, in case you’re curious).

It’s an especially impressive take when you consider that the live gate from Elite XC’s Ft. Lauderdale show was only $826,000. The only other fighter on the night to match Kimbo’s total was Andrei Arlovski, who was also paid $500,000 for his victory over Roy Nelson, though Affliction picked up the tab for both of them.

The full disclosed payout from Elite XC: Heat looks like this:

Kimbo Slice: $500,000
Seth Petruzelli: $50,000 (including a $15,000 win bonus)
Jake Shields: $50,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Paul Daley: $12,000
Andrei Arlvoski: $500,000
Roy Nelson: $80,000
Gina Carano: $25,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Kelly Kobald: $6,000
Benji Radach: $30,000 (including $15,000 win bonus)
“Ninja” Rua: $35,000

(He’s damn near a middleweight at this point. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

— Brandon Vera, who will be facing Keith Jardine at UFC 89 (October 18th; Birmingham, England), is currently walking around at 202 pounds. “My whole outlook on everything has changed,” he told UFC.com. “I am serious about this stuff now. It’s my diet, and my strength and conditioning coach, the 2004 Judo Olympian Rhadi Ferguson, it’s everything. It’s going to be bad for the 205ers, man. Bad. News.” At this rate, Vera will weigh-in at 197 and de-hydrate down to 189 by the night of the fight, because he’s a total genius. In other Truth-news, Vera was held at gunpoint Saturday morning at the home of world champion grappler Lloyd Irvin, but Irvin disarmed one of the two gunmen and scared off the other. Full story here…

— Georges St. Pierre has signed with CAA Sports, a division of entertainment/sports mega-agency Creative Artists. CAA, along with St. Pierre’s manager Shari Spencer, will work to secure marketing and endorsement opportunities for Rush. Said Spencer: “Georges’ appeal transcends the Octagon and I am confident that together we can introduce Georges, and the entire sport of MMA, to a wider audience.” As MMA Payout described the signing, “It may not seem like much now, but in one year it could be remembered as a seminal moment in the sport’s development.”

— Ricardo Almeida has suffered a mystery injury and will not be able to fight former IFL middleweight champ Matt Horwich at UFC 90 (October 25th, Chicago). Replacing him will be Dan Miller, another former IFL middleweight champ. It will be Horwich’s first fight in the UFC and the second for Miller, who choked out Rob Kimmons at last month’s UFC Fight Night 15.

— TUF 7 goofball Matt Riddle, who won his first professional fight with a unanimous decision over castmate Dante Rivera in June, will be returning to the Octagon at UFC 91 (November 15th, Las Vegas) against Ryan Thomas, who lost his UFC debut against Ben Saunders at UFC 87.

— MMA Weekly hears that the TUF 8 finale on December 13th will be headlined by a fight between Nate Diaz and Clay Guida.

(It’s even sadder in slo-mo.)

From Monsters in the Morning via BloodyElbow via CagePotato reader “Adam S”:

Seth Petruzelli: My original plan was to throw a lot of push kicks, they’re called teeps…have him think that I’m going to throw ‘em to try to rush in more, and then shoot in on him, obviously…I knew I would do alright standing up with him. The promoters kinda hinted to me, and they gave me the money to stand and trade with him. They didn’t want me to take him down. Let’s just put it that way. It was worth my while to try and stand up and punch with him.

Petruzelli says he was paid “in the six-figure range” for accepting the main event fight on Saturday and will be re-negotiating his contract for his next EliteXC fights. I bet the next time EliteXC offers a guy money to stand and trade with Kimbo, they’ll be a little clearer about the objective: Don’t shoot for a takedown, but also don’t knock him out with an off-balance jab. (You’d think that would be implied.) We definitely suggest listening to the rest of the “Monsters” interview, where Seth describes the moment where he knew he had Kimbo beat, what he said to the athletic commissioner afterwards, and the chances of Kimbo/Seth II (and Tito/Seth I). Entertaining stuff…

(‘Come on, you pussies and posers!’)

Listen up middleweights and welterweights. Have you always wanted to be on reality TV, but you keep getting rejected from Rock of Love? Do you possess awesome MMA skillz or, failing that, a willingness to take a beating from those who do? Do you have an inspiring personal story? How about a drinking problem? If you answered yes to at least a couple of these questions, and you can pass for either an American or a Brit, you could be on the next season of Spike TV’s “The Ultimate Fighter.”

Two open casting calls will help determine next season’s participants, Spike TV announced today. The first is in London on October 20 at the Earls Court Exhibition Centre, and the other is in Chicago at the Crowne Plaza Chicago O’Hare Hotel on October 27.

Since this season will be all about the across-the-pond rivalry, it might be a good idea to come up with a story about how much you hate Americans/Brits. It shouldn’t be too difficult to think of a reason, no matter which one you happen to be.

One thing to keep in mind, contestants will once more be forced to fight their way onto the show. That should come as no surprise at this point, but we’re betting there will still be at least one joker who shows up twenty pounds overweight anyway. If you play your cards right, this season that joker could be you!

(Even Hulk Hogan finds that behavior boorish. Thanks, MMA Core.)

As you can see, Elite XC VP Jared Shaw is very passionate about the rules. Almost fanatically so. That’s why when he saw what he perceived to be an illegal blow to the back of Kimbo Slice‘s head, he couldn’t contain himself. He jumped up and went screaming to the side of the cage, imploring the referee to give Kimbo a Frank Mir-type rescue. Fortunately he stopped just short of leaping over the cage and covering Kimbo with his own body like a human $kala shield.

Now that he’s had a chance to cool down, he admits he may have overreacted. Shaw told MMA Rated:

“I watched the tape back today,” Shaw said. “While I think that the ref may have missed the (blow to the back of the head) call, my reactions at ringside – I saw them myself – were inappropriate and inexcusable.

“I apologize to the MMA community and the fans and most of all Seth Petruzelli as although my reactions can not change a referee’s decision, they were inappropriate at the time and over a heated and tense mixed martial arts event.”

“Again, I apologize to the community,” Shaw repeated. “I am all for fair mixed martial arts fighting and I am very happy to represent Seth Petruzelli.”

Well, at least Shaw is big enough to admit when he’s wrong. You can understand how a man being forced to watch his meal ticket unceremoniously felled like that could lose control of his emotions. As impressive as his desire for fair competition is, it’s hard to imagine Shaw mustering the same enthusiasm for a protest if the situation had been reversed and it were Petruzelli who caught a hammer fist in the back of the dome. Although that could change now that Elite XC is in the Seth “Rocky” Petruzelli business. I hear he’s a very promotable guy.

Here’s a small sampling of the suspiciously fruity photos you can find on Seth Petruzelli’s MySpace page (thanks to Deadspin and Fightlinker for the heads-up). Kimbo? This is the guy who toasted you in 14 seconds — be very, very humiliated. And Seth? There’s a point where “running gag” crosses over into “lifestyle choice.” Just sayin’…

(Andrei and Roy fight for recognition in this hot-chick-and-Internet-brawler-dominated world of MMA. Photo courtesy of AOL Sports.)

EliteXC pulled its CBS ratings back up to the levels of its first “Saturday Night Fights” broadcast with this weekend’s “Heat” show, which drew 4.30 million average viewers through 11 p.m. (not counting the main event, which ran over the scheduled time); May’s “Primetime” card took in a nearly identical 4.31 million average viewers in the same timeframe. “Heat” made CBS the #1 network among male viewers in the 18-34 and 18-49 age brackets, and in the adults (men and women) 18-34 category. It tied with ABC’s college football broadcast among adults 18-49, and was soundly beaten in overall rating by America’s Most Wanted.

Even though the numbers display no growth from the May show, they’re much higher than the Kimbo-and-Gina-less bomb of “Unfinished Business,” and CBS is (at least publicly) happy with the ratings. As CBS Senior Executive VP for Primetime Kelly Kahl told AOL Sports’s Michael David Smith:

“We have a four-fight contract. We certainly plan on coming back with fight No. 4. The numbers last night were terrific. The total viewer number was on par with May 31 and the demos were down just a little bit, but we were up against a couple good college football games and the baseball playoffs…Last night was a step ahead, not a step back. To do roughly the numbers we did in May against much steeper competition bodes pretty well.”

Discussing the idea that Kimbo’s loss would mean the end for EliteXC on CBS, Kahl said:

“That is 100 percent misinformed, written by a lot of people who have very little inside knowledge into what’s going on even though they might think they do.”

Question: Will people still tune in to see Kimbo Slice fight now that he’s been exposed as merely human, or will Saturday Night Fights have to become The Gina Carano Show? It seems EliteXC will need a Tito Ortiz-caliber signing to ensure that their next CBS card doesn’t follow in the disappointing footsteps of “Unfinished Business.”

(Just another day in the organization for Jared Shaw. Props: Steve Cofield.)

The Kimbo Slice fairy tale is over now. At least it ought to be. The “street certified” brawler got himself knocked out in fourteen seconds by a guy who calls himself a “part-time fighter.” A guy who isn’t in the same weight class and isn’t thought of as anything more than a mediocre also-ran in the weight class he normally calls home. To call this a worst case scenario for Elite XC is putting it too mildly. This is an absolute disaster. Which means, of course, that they will now try to convince us that it is not.

Announcer Mauro Ranallo got that ball rolling almost immediately after the fight by suggesting that this should be considered a “mulligan” for Kimbo, since he didn’t plan on fighting Petruzelli. Do we dare mention that Petruzelli also didn’t plan on fighting Kimbo, a heavyweight, in the main event? Apparently not. Instead we start playing up the predictable Rocky Balboa angle, forgetting for the moment that Rocky fought Apollo Creed, the world champion. Unlike Kimbo, the fictional Apollo was both style and substance, and he didn’t go down to a tentative jab.

This is the point where Elite XC makes excuses for Kimbo and tells us that a star is born in Petruzelli. Just watch Jared Shaw working from this script in his interview with Ariel Helwani and see if you don’t find yourself feeling a little sorry for him. His cringe-worthy performance includes transparent lies such as, “it’s just another day in the organization,” and “(Pertruzelli) is a very promotable guy; everybody in this sport is promotable,” and my personal favorite, “we’re gathering all our other nuts.”

This, from the same guy who could be seen having a total meltdown at cageside while Kimbo was getting pounded out on live network TV.

The person who seemed least bothered by last night’s events was Kimbo Slice himself. He hyped his after-party in the post-fight interview and showed up forty-five minutes late to the press conference, where he interrupted Elite XC Head of Operations Jeremy Lappen and made a very brief statement, laughing about his swollen eye, and then disappeared again.

Kimbo Slice faces light heavyweight Seth Petruzelli, the man with the devastating front kick/jab combo. Relive the magic again and again. Things to take note of:

1) Kimbo’s tough guy act when he refuses to touch gloves.

2) Kimbo going face first onto the canvas a few seconds later.

3) At about the 0:57 mark, if you’re quick you can see Elite XC VP Jared Shaw at cageside screaming his head off at the referee, like any impartial promoter would surely do in that situation.

What a night. After the event Shaw spoke about that moment with MMA Rated, and even mentioned the possibility of a protest stemming from blows to the back of the head. That sounds fun. Videos of the evening’s other bouts are after the jump, courtesy of MMA-Core.

Spoiler alert: Ninja, Gina, Andrei, Jake, and Kimbo (!) are going to win, maybe all within the first round. If you’re curious about how exactly it’ll happen, read on. Hit that “more” link and refresh the page every few minutes to get all the latest updates from the live CBS broadcast, comin’ atcha from the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Florida. Seriously though, this is about to be some lopsided shit. Grab some beers.

Get this: At about 6:20 p.m. ET, MMA Rated passed along the word that Ken Shamrock sustained a cut above his eye in the last 24 hours while training, forcing him to pull out of tonight’s main event against Kimbo Slice. Frank Shamrock — who is handling commentary tonight for CBS — actually volunteered to step in as a last-minute replacement, but he isn’t licensed to fight in Florida, so EliteXC instead had their eyes on KOTC brawler/UFC castoff Seth Petruzelli, who was supposed to face Aaron Rosa on tonight’s undercard. Then, MMA Rated reported that a very shady doctor was found who cleared Shamrock to fight around 7 p.m., saving “Heat” from one of the greatest Epic Fails in MMA history. Well, we hope. MMA Weekly now says that the fight has a 50/50 chance of happening. Other sources say the fight is 100% dunzo.

Update: Ariel Helwani tells Ben Fowlkes (who tells me) that Seth Petruzelli is 100% in as Ken’s replacement. Wow. On the bright side, Kimbo is finally fighting a legitimate heavyweight who isn’t riding an eight-fight losing streak. This should be interesting…

Update #2: “JM” wins the t-shirt. Shoot your address and size to feedback@cagepotato.com, brah.

(Michelle “The Karate Hottie” Waterson puts Tyra Parker to sleep in 80 seconds.)

Main Card:
Duane Ludwig def. Sam Morgan via submission (strikes), 2:01 of round 1
Frank Trigg def. Falaniko Vitale via unanimous decision
Donnie Liles def. Pete Spratt via submission (rear naked choke), 1:59 of round 3
Billy Evangelista def. Luke Caudillo via unanimous decision
Carlos Zevallos def. Andre Walker via TKO, 4:48 of round 1
Michelle Waterson def. Tyra Parker via submission (rear naked choke), 1:20 of round 1
Tyler Toner def. Ricky Johnson via TKO, 3:44 of round 2

Undercard:
Drew Dober def. Lumumba Sawyers via KO (punch), 0:16 of round 1
Alan Gomez def. Jordan Goodwin via unanimous decisio
Eric Galvin def. Jeremy Malaterre via split decision
Turrell Galloway def. Brett Tillis via submission (rear naked choke), 1:21 of round 1
Aaron Trujillo def. Haven Torres via TKO, 2:59 of round 1

And the award for Best Vagina-Ear goes to:

(Props: PureFight.org)

4:17 FTMFW.

Not making weight makes Gina sad…

Being naked in public? So fun!

Major props to Esther Lin @ Combat Lifestyle. (For more pics from the EliteXC weigh-ins, click here.) By the way, that’s her father on the right. Not sure how the dude on the left got the gig. Bonus hotness after the jump…