regret gifs
15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

February, 2009

Weekend Quick Hits: War Machine Wins, Swick Gets an Opponent, Rahman Is Screwing With Us


(War Machine slips into a brief trance.  This is why we say no flash photography around him, people.)

- Competing at last night’s XMMA event in Montreal, the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver earned a submission victory over previously unbeaten Guillaume “El Toro” Delorenzi via rear naked choke.  When reached for the comment, the citizens of the world replied, “War Machine?  That guy who threatened the president on MySpace?  He fights?”

- Mike “Quick” Swick will face Ben Saunders at UFC 99 in Germany, according to Five Ounces of Pain.  Saunders last competed against Brandon Wolff, the fighter War Machine refused to face due to fears that he might be both good and relatively unknown, thus earning his dismissal from the UFC.  Using his height and a series of brutal knees, Saunders made quick work of Wolff at "Fight for the Troops."  Now he gets Swick in Germany.  Why not.

- After insisting that he’s been in negotiations with Strikeforce to give this MMA stuff a try, it seems as if Hasim Rahman is even more full of shit than we suspected.  Strikfeforce’s Mike Afromowitz told MMA Fanhouse there has been “no dialogue” with Rahman or his manager about a fight with Kimbo Slice, as Rahman’s manager had claimed.  Maybe by ‘talking to Strikefore’ he really meant ‘watching old Strikeforce fights on the internet?’  As for Kimbo, Afromowitz described those talks as “ongoing.” 

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Friday Link Dump


(Video game Cheick Kongo is terrifying. Maybe even more so than actual Cheick Kongo. Image courtesy of IGN.com)

- What’s to become of Kaitlin Young?  (MMA Payout)

- Kawajiri/Ebanez added to Dream.7.  (MMA Weekly)

- MMA in India.  It does exist.  (MMA Fanhouse)

- Johny Hendricks describes getting KO’d by Phil Baroni.  (Cage Writer)

- Wanderlei Silva not worried about dropping weight.  (Fighters Only)

- Jorge Santiago likes Anderson Silva’s chances.  (Tatame)

- Frank Shamrock will say absolutely anything.  (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Hardy says anyone outside of top three is "fair game."  (The Sun)

- Cleveland Browns trade Kellen Winslow.  (Scores Report)

- Dennis Rodman goes from riding high to totally unconscious.  (Holy Taco)

- Top 7 Heroes who need to die.  (Screen Junkies)

- Forbes Magazine takes on Nascar.  (All Left Turns)

- Female cops fired for this flashing video.  So sad.  (Nothing Toxic)

- Top 25 men who look like old lesbians.  (Cracked)

- Cheap elbow causes hockey concussion.  (Break.com)

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: WEC 39


(Mike Brown prays to Krom for victory.  But if Krom does not help, then to hell with him, Brown will do it himself.)

You may have forgotten all about WEC 39 on Sunday night, such is your excitement for our party with Fight! Magazine in Columbus, Ohio, but we remembered because someone has to keep things in order around here.  In case you’re not content just watching a night of free fights on Versus, we’ll also help you throw away your money betting on them.  Because that’s how little we care about your welfare and happiness.

Here are the sweetest lines out there, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com:

Mike Brown (-165) vs. Leonard Garcia (+160)
Marcus Hicks (+134) vs. Rob McCullough (-144)
John Franchi (-118) vs. Mike Budnik (+108)
Johny Hendricks (-312) vs. Alex Serdyukov (+300)
Chris Mickle (+700) vs. Jose Aldo (-850)
Damacio Page (-140) vs. Marcus Galvao (+130)
Alex Karalexis (-175) vs. Greg McIntyre (+165)
Phil Cardella (+151) vs. Danny Castillo (-160)
Rafael Rebello (even) vs. Kenji Osawa (-110)
Justin Haskins (+180) vs. Mike Pierce (-193)
Bart Palaszewski (-272) vs. Ricardo Lamas (+260)

Thoughts…

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Videos: Shamrock vs. Trejo, Dollaway vs. Bader + More


(Props: "hubris" on the UG)

What you’re about to see is a highlight-reel of sorts from a 1998 flick called Champions. We’ll let IMDb handle the synopsis:

William Rockman (Louis Mandylor) is a champion "Terminal Combat" fighter who retired from the sport after accidentally killing a young man while training. Five years after his retirement, Terminal Combat has been banned by the government and has gone underground. The "new" Terminal Combat is just that; one combatant in each match usually does not live to tell about the experience. When Rockman’s younger brother is killed in one of the underground matches by his old rival, the King (Ken Shamrock), Rockman enters the tournament to exact revenge on the King, not knowing that the King and his wife, Daria, have been enslaved by Max Brito (Danny Trejo), the tournament’s greedy promoter. When it becomes known that Brito intends to rake in huge bucks for a rematch between Rockman and the King (their last fight 5 years before had ended in a draw), and that he also intends to kill the King either inside or outside of the ring (and therefore keep Daria for himself as a concubine), Rockman, the King, and other tournament survivors band together to plan Daria’s rescue and their escape.

Anyway, I feel bad for anyone who had to watch this, but Trejo is a legend, and it’s pretty cool that his character’s last words are "AHHH! BEEYITCH!"

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CagePotato Comments of the Week


(Arianny Celeste, pre-airbrushing.)

LAS on "How’s Taste My Clay-Pee-Pee?": This will be the best toy ever for the first 3 minutes before it breaks, at which point you will really regret paying 5x as much as you should have for it.

dwhite@ufc.com on "Scott ‘LionHeart’ Blevins Cannot be Stopped": Guys Got more Balls, Then Anyone Ive Scene Leave a Comment on this, Guy,..Hes Talented by Heart and at UFC, Thats the Kinda Guy we Are Currently Looking for,,He can do the 145 Class,,Really,..Hes 130 but Fights alot of Over Weight Guys,..So I Beleive I Be in Touch with Mr.LionHeart,.Hes Got me Added on Myspace so I Beleive I will do that! Contract it is,Contract it be,.
DW
[Ed. note: Look, I know this wasn't written by the real Dana White; I shouldn't even have to say that. But whether it was written by a Scott Blevins fan, or LionHeart himself, or a snarky CagePotato reader pretending to be Scott pretending to be Dana White (and if so, well done sir), all I can tell you is that "Contract it is,Contract it be,." made me LOL so hard that I immediately set it as my new e-mail signature.]

manutdfan on "Arianny Celeste: Yep, Still Hot": Here we are, Potato Nation, huddled around our glowing screens, ripping apart photographs of a woman that 99.99% of us will never have the chance to land (no, TUF Guy, you are not that .01%). At the end of the day, we shall retire from our cubicles (or ESL class), go home to our shitty hovels we call ‘home’, and think "Well, I really pwned on the comment section today, calling out that airbrush job on AC!" Then our mother’s voice calls out, "Jimmy, get outta the bathroom and come to dinner. Why you stay in there so long, I don’t wanna know!"
Instead, just enjoy the pics, and be happy the Bens bring us such joy.
[Ed. note: *wipes away tear*]

If your name has been called, e-mail your real name, address, and shirt size to Feedback@CagePotato.com and we’ll send a CP "Hall of Fame" t-shirt to you at some point, when we feel like it.

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Free Jiu-Jitsu For the Unemployed


(‘Crank my neck all you want…I still say…a strategy that involves nationalizing banks…is untenable…over a long period of time.’)

Now here’s a rare positive story coming out of the strange place where economic disaster and martial arts training meet.  The Gracie Barra gym in Clearwater, Florida is offering free classes to people who have recently lost their jobs.  As a way to ease the stress of the unemployed and keep them from killing themselves and their families, owner Eduardo de Lima will let you train for free for six months or until you get a job, whichever comes first:

"I always said to my students, ‘If you lose your job, just come in anyway.’ It’s more important for them to work out, because it releases the stress of life," said De Lima, 40, who’s been teaching jiu-jitsu for 16 years. "When (people) get stressed from money problems, they do dumb things," he said, citing the Los Angeles man who recently shot his family and then himself after losing his job.

Stress relief, huh?  I guess that’s one explanation behind this free jiu-jitsu offer.  Another explanation might be that de Lima is training an army of the economically disenfranchised.  Think about it: they’re desperate, angry, and have nothing to lose.  They also don’t have to go to work, so they can train pretty much all day.

Sure, it sounds crazy now.  But we’ll see whose crazy in six months when de Lima and his legions sweep through Washington D.C. and then Wall Street, taking over the country and its financial institutions via armbars and rear naked chokes.  Viva la jiu-jitsu revolution!  Free gi’s for everyone!

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Rude Boy, We Hardly Knew Ye


(Unfortunately the beating wasn’t the worst thing to come out of UFC 95 for Mandaloniz.  Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

According to BJPenn.com, Troy “Rude Boy” Mandaloniz has been cut from the UFC following the decision loss to Paul Kelly that left the Hawaiian’s face looking like an impressionist painting that had been left out in the rain.  While we’re not terribly surprised to see a guy who is 3-2 in his career and 1-1 in the UFC (with the lone win coming against Richie Hightower) cut from the big leagues, he seems fairly shocked.

"I thought I showed them what I was made of, but I guess not. I don’ think I see too many other fighters out there fighting with the same passion and intensity that I bring. I’m a fighter that people want to see fight and maybe one day after I prove myself again I could be back in the UFC.”

Rude Boy apparently learned he had been cut via email (sure it wasn’t a text message to someone else in the camp?), which seems kind of cold.  They couldn’t even pick up the phone and call him?  

Maybe dropping fighters from the UFC is like breaking up.  If they’ve only fought twice for you, an email is fine.  If they’ve been around a little longer, you gotta call.  And if it’s an ex-champion who’s put in years of service, you take them out to a mediocre Mexican restaurant and break the news over appetizers, then let them have just one more go-round in the bathroom for old times’ sake.

Of course, if they’ve only had one fight?  Like poor Josh Hendricks?  Then you can inform them via a post on their Facebook page.  Right before changing your status to “Accepting heavyweight applications.”

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War Watch: Machine Fights “Il Toro” Tonight in Montreal

War Machine MMA XMMA Guillaume de Lorenzi
(Image courtesy of XMMA.tv)

Well at least there’s one brave, honest MMA organization left in the world that’s willing to take a chance on War Machine despite his arrests and controversial views on American politics. Canadian league XMMA is holding an event tonight in Montreal which features the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver in the main event against Guillaume "Il Toro" de Lorenzi. De Lorenzi is a perfect 5-0 in MMA competition with all wins by TKO, the last four of which came in the first round.

Machine is actually a replacement for Phil Baroni, who pulled out of the match against "Il Toro" two weeks ago when Strikeforce acquired his contract from Pro Elite; Baroni expects to make his Strikeforce return in May. Machine — who most recently scored a first-round TKO win over David Anderson at a Desert Rage event in November — still has about ten hours to do something stupid enough to get him kicked off the show, which is like eight weeks in normal-people time. So cross your fingers for him, and if you’ll actually be buying the XMMA pay-per-view broadcast, let us know how it goes.

Related: War’s gay club brawl? Totally started by someone else.

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Hasim Rahman Wants to Follow In Kimbo’s Footsteps


(Rahman snatches the WBC/IBF/IBO heavyweight boxing titles with his fifth-round KO of Lennox Lewis in April 2001.)

According to a new report on Sherdog, former heavyweight boxing champ Hasim Rahman is planning on entering MMA competition sometime this year. Has he joined an MMA camp yet? No. Does he have any grappling experience? No — unless you count the brief wrestling contest he had against Lennox Lewis when they were promoting their rematch in November 2001. But his manager Sandro Gelke seems to have a pretty solid grasp on the sport, so he should be just fine:

“[Rahman] thought it would be an interesting thing. He’s seen Kimbo Slice fight on TV, and he’s like, ‘I’d like to fight some of these guys’…We want to get a few smaller fights under our belts before we take on a Lesnar or Fedor or someone like that. There’s nothing solid right now. But we’re already talking with promoters about shows in April or May…
 
I understand how difficult it is. That’s why I’m looking to not put him in with any big grapplers at first. I don’t think Rock really understands how hard it will be to fight these guys with a grappling and wrestling background. So I’m looking to put him in with someone like Tank Abbott, or James Thompson."
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Videos: GSP’s Breathing Technique, “MMA Live,” + More


Georges St. Pierre’s Breathing Technique – Watch more free videos

This is the "video evidence" referred to in the Jackson camp’s official response to the NSAC regarding B.J. Penn’s greasing allegations.  Here we get to see the witchdoctor-approved breathing technique without all the fancy editing that Penn employed to make it look worse.  We also get to see it in other contexts, such as the GSP-Jon Fitch fight, the B.J. Penn-Sean Sherk fight, and backstage while GSP is wearing a t-shirt.  Makes you think they have a pretty strong case that it was all just an accidental screw-up by Phil Nurse.

ESPN’s “MMA Live” breaks down UFC 95 and previews Sunday’s WEC 39 event.  Kenny Florian also dishes about his Penn fight drama and tries to stay positive, even as Franklin McNeil attempts to get in his head about the long layoff.

After the jump, an “Inside MMA” preview and the UG’s Miss Rara in lingerie.  You read that right.

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