(Oh, for the love of God, no. Props: MMA Junkie.)

Last season of The Ultimate Fighter introduced to us to a Kentucky-bred fighter named Junie Browning, whose crippling insecurities, alcoholism, and violent outbursts made him the show’s standout trainwreck — no small feat, considering all the sheet-pissing, semen-eating antics that were going on in the house. With the widespread criticism that the season received from MMA fans and other fighters, you’d think that the UFC would tighten up their TUF vetting process so that future unhinged psychos wouldn’t be allowed in to embarrass the organization and the sport as a whole. Well, not so much:

(Props: MMA Mania)

Remember when Rory Markham told us that he thinks he’s the hardest hitter in the UFC’s welterweight division?  Well, his opponent at UFC 95, Dan Hardy, doesn’t seem too worried about it in this video from the UK’s Telegraph.  He doesn’t plan on letting Markham hit him with any clean shots.  Which, as game plans go, is a pretty good one.  Why doesn’t every fighter just do that?

Talking with The Mirror, Hardy was slightly less gentlemanly with regards to Markham:

After purchasing “select assets” including fighter contracts from Pro Elite last week, Strikeforce quickly went from a surprisingly successful regional promotion to a major player in the MMA scene almost overnight.  In this exclusive interview CEO Scott Coker talks about the deal and the acquisitions, as well as what his organization has planned for its new talent.

CagePotato.com:  Thanks for talking with me, Scott.  Since you purchased the fighter contracts, how has the transition been going?  Do you find that the fighters are eager to fight for Strikeforce now?

I’ll tell you, we’ve had about twenty or so, or about half of the roster, that we’ve reached out to as of this morning and had good conversations about scheduling and match-ups.  I think that, at the end of the day, a lot of these guys just want to get back to work and get back to fighting so they can continue their careers.  So I’d say the transition has been going well.

What about any fighters who might have been hoping to get free of their Pro Elite contracts and sign with the UFC?

I’ve only had that conversation with one fighter.  And we’ve had two or three conversations with that fighter since, and now I think they may be feeling a different way than they were before.  And I can understand the frustration that a lot of these fighters are feeling, because they’ve been out of work for a while.  Not everybody fought on the last show in October.  Some of them haven’t fought since June or July of last year.  

We dealt with that frustration at the very beginning and we understood where it was coming from, but a lot of these guys I’ve known for a long time, their managers are friends of mine, so I think the ice has all been broken.  And the fighter who was originally looking to go to the UFC is now saying, ‘Do you think I could fight by May?’  So I think they see what we’re doing and it’s going to be okay.

From lookoutawhale, the crazy mofo who brought us Georges St. Pierre’s Punch-Out!! and Street Fighter II: GSP Riddum Revenge, comes this new GSP-themed remix, which features the cast of TUF 4 just hanging out and watching some game shows together. In the video, as in life, Georges St. Pierre is always the right answer. For more lookoutawhale insanity, check out this animated version of a guest appearance that St. Pierre did on the Adam Carolla Show, in which a caller basically accuses GSP of sodomizing him back in his club-bouncing days. Below: The first preview for a UFC superfight 14 years in the making. Thanks, Garv.

UFC 97 (April 18th, Montreal) was supposed to be a triumphant return to the city that gave the UFC its fastest-selling, most well-attended event in history. But even though last year’s UFC 83: Serra vs. St. Pierre 2 was such an overwhelming success, the Quebec Athletic Commission may block the UFC from holding future events there under traditional MMA rules. As Sportnet.ca reports:

Obviously, there’s no way the UFC would agree to such a compromised version of their product, and they’re probably looking for a backup arena somewhere else just to be safe. (Which is a bummer if you’re a Canadian UFC fan, considering 13,000 tickets to the event have already been sold.) But here’s where things go from upsetting to just plain bizarre…

(See what you’ve left us with, oppressive gun laws?  Now Kimbo has to use his fists and that other guy, well, he just has to pretend.)

‘Sup, Potato Nation.  As many of you have noticed, discussions are popping off in the forums, and there is a surprisingly small amount of stupid bullshit being contributed to said discussions.  Well, at least that’s the case before Kadumel shows up (jokes! we love you Kadumel, but we also love busting your chops. it’s a mean-spirited love, like the one between your parents).

For those of you who haven’t realized what kind of awesomeness you’re missing out on in the forums, we thought we’d take the opportunity every so often to point you to an interesting thread.  This week’s best topic so far, courtesy of Drew, who suggested it and Sarah, who did something about it, is: Who is your guilty pleasure fighter?

You know, the guy who isn’t the best in his weight class, who has obvious problems of one sort or another, and who you might not even admit to liking lest you be mocked by MMA snobs everywhere.  But dammit, you love watching the guy in much the same way you love watching “7th Heaven.”

Drew got the ball rolling by admitting that his guilty pleasure fighter is Kimbo Slice.  And you know, we think that’s…brave?

“MMA Live” talks to Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker about his recent acquisitions, and breaks down new rules on Vaseline, as well as running down all the fun little news items floating in the ether of late.  And yeah, War Machine’s arrest gets a mention.  They know how to have fun over at ESPN.

In this preview of the upcoming episode of “Inside MMA” Thiago Alves discusses his weight issues.  He insists he doesn’t have any problems getting down to 170, except for the fight with Matt Hughes, where he missed it by four pounds, and the fight with Tony De Souza, where he was caught using a diuretic and suspended for eight months.  But he admits that he normally walks around at about 200 or 205 pounds, which is pretty freaking big for a welterweight.  If it was me though, I wouldn’t be talking about that stuff in public before a bout with GSP.  That’s only going to help him understand your physiology and how better to destroy it.

After the jump, a look at the new Sengoku ring girls.

(You call that a fighter’s fist pose, Sakurai? Show me some goddamned intensity! Photo courtesy of DreamOfficial.com via Suki MMA.)

Fighting and Entertainment Group (FEG) — the parent company of Japanese MMA promotion DREAM — announced today that their upcoming welterweight grand prix will feature #9 pound-for-pounder Shinya Aoki, moving back up in weight class from last year’s lightweight GP, in which he was a finalist. Perennial welterweight threat/amateur porn star Hayato "Mach" Sakurai will also participate in the 168-pound tournament (which kicks off April 5th in Nagoya, Japan), and freak show mainstay Ikuhisa Minowa will be on the card in a non-GP match. No other fighters have been named for the grand prix, though the winner of the DEEP 40 bout between Hidetaka Monma and Seichi Ikemoto is expected to join the field.

No word yet if Aoki and Sakurai will have to face each other in the first round of the grand prix, but the two fighters previously met at a Shooto event in August 2005, where the far-more-experienced (at the time) Sakurai defeated Aoki by unanimous decision. Aoki went on to win Shooto’s middleweight (168 pounds) championship the next year — which he still technically holds — before dropping to lightweight in 2007. Both men have won their last two fights, with Sakurai winning a decision against Kuniyoshi Hironaka at DREAM 6 last September and scoring a TKO over Katsuyori Shibata at Dynamite!! 2008 on New Year’s Eve, and Aoki earning quick submission victories over Todd Moore and Eddie Alvarez at the same events.

(Sad Amir is sad. Fan art courtesy of myspace.com/ammmir.) 

In a new interview with MMA Junkie, TUF 7 winner Amir Sadollah stated that a move down to 170 pounds is "definitely…in my future," as soon as he recovers from his latest injury. After winning the seventh season of The Ultimate Fighter last June by submitting CB Dollaway via armbar in the finale — which also happened to be Sadollah’s professional MMA debut — he had to pull out of UFC 91 in November due to a leg injury. Sadollah became officially cursed when he had to drop out of last Saturday’s UFC Fight Night 17 show because of a shoulder injury. As he explains:

Unfortunately, he doesn’t know exactly when that will be:

It’s unclear whether Sadollah will take a fight at middleweight before making his planned drop to welterweight. For now, he’s just focused on getting healthy. Poor guy…even Jesse "Mongo" Taylor seems to be doing better than this kid.

(Diego Sanchez experiences a moment of Zen.)

Diego Sanchez swears making lightweight to fight Joe Stevenson at UFC 95 won’t be a problem for him, although it sounds like it won’t be terribly easy either.  Sanchez was late to today’s media conference call and explained it by saying he was trying to cut a few extra pounds in the sauna.  The former welterweight said he weighed 193 pounds on Christmas Eve, and is now struggling to get those lost few pounds off in order to make 155 next Saturday.

“I don’t see myself staying at lightweight forever,” Sanchez explained, saying he wanted to challenge himself and thought he’d better hurry up and do it while he was still in his twenties and could lose weight fairly easily.

“I never really cut much weight for 170.  Fighting guys like Jon Fitch, who put on seventeen, eighteen pounds after the weigh-in, I was a little outsized.”

At lightweight, Sanchez said he hopes to eventually face B.J. Penn.  Then he proceeded to bash “The Prodigy” for showing up to face Georges St. Pierre without getting himself in good enough shape.

(Skip to the 1:27 mark, where the ass-kicking begins.  And don’t try to act like you aren’t digging the music, either.)

In his time with the IFL, Rory Markham became known as the guy who didn’t really start fighting until he got hurt.  More than one of his bouts began with him getting dropped and ended with him getting his hand raised, so much so that trainer Pat Miletich used to plead with Markham to fight smart before he got rocked.

But as Markham admits in this exclusive interview, that’s just not his style, as anyone who saw his devastating head-kick KO of Brodie Farber in his UFC debut knows by now.  At UFC 95 next Saturday night Markham takes on England’s Dan Hardy in London.  Chances are, things will get ugly fast.

CagePotato.com: Thanks for talking with me, Rory.  Now that you’re in the UFC, how have things changed for you?

You know, I’ve been putting in a lot of time, trying to hone my skills since October.  I found that I was weak in certain areas and I knew I needed to improve.  Being in the UFC now, it’s improve or die.

What areas do you feel you needed to improve in?

I don’t want to touch on bad instances, but there was one moment in the Brett Cooper fight where I really felt like if he hadn’t gotten the takedown and I could have kept it on the feet, there would have been a drastically different finish to that fight.  Since then I’ve been really trying to hone my wrestling skills.  I see what wrestling has done for guys like Georges St. Pierre and even, I think people overlook what it did for B.J. Penn.  When he went out with Randy [Couture] and Matt Lindland, that’s when he really hit his stride.  That’s something I noticed that I needed to work on.  Definitely in the long run, maybe not in this fight or even the next one, I think it’s going to add to the longevity of my career.

(It’s lonely at the top. It’s probably lonely wherever Jon Koppenhaver is, too. Photo courtesy of MMA Splatter.)

Major props to CagePotato reader Danielle T. for sending us War Machine’s latest MySpace bulletin, in which the beleaguered fighter ends his fatwa on President Obama, apologizes for his "loose cannon" remarks, sheds a little more light on his arrest, and dares the haters to bet against him. Check it out below; all misspellings are his own.

_______________

Date: Feb 11, 2009 6:15 PM
Subject: Important bulletin, PLEASE READ…Fans and HATERS.

As you all know I post some very controversial bulletins, a few of which have effected my career in a very negative way. At this I feel the need to clear a few things up. First, I need to admit that my comment regarding Obama was completely out of line. In all sincerity I do not wish any harm done to the President and I realize that it was a very stupid thing to write so I am publicly apologizing to the President and to his supporters.

In the beginning of my career it was brought to my attention (by some ignorant advisors, which I now realize) that my image as a professional fighter is more marketable if I am controversial. Controversy does grab attention. Part of creating that controversy is consistently saying things in a public format that I know will cause a reaction. Along with my loyal fans, I know that part of my popularity as a fighter is that people want to see me get my ass kicked. I knew that my Obama bulletin would gain me more fans* as well as make a lot more people hate me and that was exactly the reaction I was going for. Obama is one of the most loved people in the country right now.

Once I thought it through, it was too late. I removed the post an hour later. But the harm was done. So, at this point I’m being a man and I’m publicly admitting that I was wrong. What I wrote was stupid. So once again I want to reidderate the point that I really do not hope anything bad happens to him.

(When in doubt, knock him out: Fedor Emelianenko proved his status as the best in the world with his KO of Andrei Arlovski at Affliction’s "Day of Reckoning" event last month.) 

Ah, the pound-for-pound list — one of the most infuriating traditions in MMA punditry. Our sport has a wealth of dominant champions and brilliant contenders, but who would win an epic, all-inclusive grand prix, if every fighter (somehow, theoretically) were the same size? To put it as simply as possible, who is the most talented mixed martial artist in the world? And by what combination of win streaks, titles, victories over top-ranked opponents, and ability to finish fights does one measure "talent"? All good questions, dear reader. The list below is our effort to define MMA’s absolute top ten list, as things stand now in February 2009. Read on, and let us know how you feel in the comments section…

***

1: Fedor Emelianenko (29-1, 1 no contest)
Some might argue that naming a heavyweight as the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world sort of misses the point of the exercise. But at an even six feet tall (and a somewhat doughy 230 pounds), Emelianenko has never relied on size to win fights, and has beaten considerably larger opponents his entire career. Between his devastating punches and virtually undefendable armlocks, the Last Emperor can end a fight anywhere, at any time. And since the only loss on his record was due to a technicality — a cut stoppage due to an illegal elbow 17 seconds into a fight against Tsuyoshi Kohsaka, which he later avenged — Fedor has developed an aura of invincibility that has psyched out opponents before they even step into the ring with him.

But hey, maybe he really is invincible. Even when a fighter manages to briefly put Emelianenko in a bad spot (see esp. Kazuyuki Fujita in 2003, Mark Coleman in 2004, Andrei Arlovski in 2009), his tremendous instincts always rescue him from danger; Fedor on auto-pilot is better than most fighters on their best night. If he can put away a couple more top-ten heavyweights before he retires (while avoiding losses), his status as the greatest fighter of all time will be non-debatable.

2: Georges St. Pierre (18-2)

GSP’s demolition of BJ Penn at UFC 94 proved that when two extremely talented fighters face off, the big guy will usually beat the shit out of the little guy. That’s just reality — and it’s why we create pound-for-pound rankings in the first place. But the size and strength advantages that St. Pierre enjoyed in his most recent welterweight title defense shouldn’t take away from his inspiring performance. Easily one of the most athletic mixed martial artists in the world, GSP is also one of the most cerebral; his win over Penn was largely the result of a meticulous game-plan executed perfectly. Though we believe he’ll rule the UFC’s welterweight division for a long time, St. Pierre’s April 2007 upset loss to Matt Serra raised some questions about his chin and mental fortitude. With a little luck — and some more of his unstoppable wrestling — St. Pierre will continue to answer those questions in 2009.
Why he’s below Fedor: It’s possible that GSP is merely human. If he can have a bad day against Matt Serra, he can certainly have another one against an even better fighter in the future.

(Fine, I’ll say it.  We missed you, Jason.)

When MMA iconoclast/showboat Jason “Mayhem” Miller announced he was retiring from active competition, we treated the news the way you’d treat Aerosmith walking off the stage at the end of a concert in 1994.  You know they’re going to come back.  They know they’re going to come back.  Hell, they know that you know they’re going to come back, because they haven’t even played “Walk This Way” yet.  It’s a given that there will be at least one encore, but probably more like five.  So everybody waits for the inevitable.

Well, “Mayhem” Miller will bring his predictable retirement to a similar end in March when he faces Kala Kolohe Hose (who you might remember from such ass-whippings as ‘Phil Baroni gets painfully exhausted‘) in the newly formed Hawaiian fight promotion, Kingdom MMA, a creation of former Icon Sport president T. Jay Thompson, also known as the guy who confirmed what we all suspected about Jared Shaw’s ineptitude.

Instead of getting mad at “Mayhem” for wasting our time with this retirement charade that lasted less than six months, we’ll just say that we’re glad to have him back.  For those of you in Hawaii and looking to take some time out from trying to get on the BJPenn.com show in order to go see some fights, the event is expected to take place “either March 28 or 29 at the Blaisdell Center Arena.”  You know, just whenever they get around to it.  Oh, those laid back Hawaiians.

Just Barely Related:
– "Mayhem" Miller vs. Tim Kennedy Video
– "Mayhem" Miller Slaps Danny Bona-douche
– Fight! Magazine Exclusive: "Mayhem’s Best & Worst"

(Kimo is upset about your 2.7 GPA, but only because he knows you could do better if you would just apply yourself.)

Kimo Leopoldo’s campaign/publicity stunt to become executive officer of the California State Athletic Commission continues this week, as a press release sent out on his behalf accuses the CSAC of widespread corruption and cover-ups, claiming, "Somebody or some group apparently is trying to hide the degree of corruption in CSAC," in part because former executive director Armando Garcia "was allegedly caught with $350,000 (in cash) in his locker, but he was allowed to resign instead of being prosecuted."

Leopoldo claims that once he’s in charge he’ll allow the staff to stay in their positions if they cooperate with an FBI investigation, and says, “temporary executive officer Dean Lohouis isn’t any different than Armando [Garcia]. The CSAC needs change and I’m willing to provide therapy.”

Get it?  “Kimo” therapy?  Like the excruciating treatment for cancer patients?  It’s a play on words.

The good news is Leopoldo would also like to bring his message of ‘I did steroids so you don’t have to’ to California high schools:

(Quit it, Fredson — Mario is in no mood.)

Contradicting an earlier report that said top WEC featherweights Wagnney Fabiano and Urijah Faber would be fighting each other at WEC 40 on April 5th, it now appears that Fabiano will instead be facing Fredson Paixao, and Faber won’t be on the Chicago card at all. A four-time Brazilian Jiu Jitsu World Champion and instructor at Gracie Barra Las Vegas, Paixao holds an MMA record of 8-2 — with wins over Rani Yahya, Masakazu Imanari, and Thomas Denny — but has only competed once in the last two years. He was supposed to make his WEC debut against Jose Aldo last month at WEC 38, but was pulled off the card for undisclosed reasons. Anyway, it’s no Faber/Fabiano, but Fabiano/Paixao could turn into an epic ground battle.

Faber may not see action again until this summer; it’s possible that his next fight will be against the winner of Mike Brown vs. Leonard Garcia at WEC 39 (March 1st; Corpus Christi, Texas).

(Props: MMA Mania) 

The UFC has released the official fight order for UFC 96 (March 7th; Columbus, OH). Here’s what we’re looking at:

MAIN CARD
Quinton Jackson vs. Keith Jardine (LHW)
Matt Hamill vs. Mark Munoz (LHW)
Pete Sell vs. Matt Brown (WW)
Gabriel Gonzaga vs. Shane Carwin (HW)
Gray Maynard vs. Jim Miller (LW)

UNDERCARD 
Tamdan McCrory vs. Ryan Madigan (WW)
Kendall Grove vs. Jason Day (MW)
Tim Boetsch vs. Jason Brilz (LHW)
Brandon Vera vs. Mike Patt (LHW)
Aaron Riley vs. Shane Nelson (LW)

Your eyes do not deceive you: Brandon Vera is deeeeep on the dark card, fighting a dude who got wrecked by Tim Boetsch in his UFC debut last September. If this isn’t a your-last-chance kind of situation, I don’t know what is. But while I understand that match’s placement — losing three of your last four fights will generally earn you some sort of punishment from the UFC — I don’t see how Sell vs. Brown is a PPV-main-card-caliber fight, especially when a promising bout like Grove vs. Day is on the undercard. Ah well. Weak lineups have surprised us before, and as long as the main event and Gonzaga vs. Carwin deliver, how bad can it be? 

Discussion topic for your MMA study groups: Who will remain conscious longer, Jardine or Gonzaga?

(Upon entering, the town extends its middle finger to you, gentle traveler.)

As loyal reader Walter informed us, Stockton, California — hometown to the Diaz brothers — was named by Forbes Magazine as the number one “most miserable” city in America.  Damn, son.  Not the 209!

According to Forbes:

Only 15% of Stockton adults have a college degree, which is one of the lowest rates in the U.S. Unemployment is expected to hit 15% in 2010, while housing prices should keep falling back to their mid-1990s level when the median home price was $130,000.

Stockton also has problems with violent crime, and paradoxically has one of the longest average commute times while also having one of the highest unemployment rates, begging the question, where the hell are these people commuting to every day?

Say what you will, elitists at Forbes Magazine, Stockton is a great place to raise fighters.  It’s also a good place to get bitten by a mean dog, or have your car stereo stolen.  One man’s misery is another man’s home.  Homey.

("He was better than me that night," says Kos about his loss to GSP.)

Josh Koscheck knows he’s not your favorite UFC fighter.  But you know something?  He doesn’t really care.  The way he sees it, his job is to fight, and win, as often as possible.  After a highlight reel knockout of Yoshiyuki Yoshida at the UFC’s “Fight for the Troops,” he looks to continue he winning streak at UFC 95 next Saturday against Octagon newcomer and undefeated Brazilian fighter Paulo Thiago.

In our exclusive interview, Koscheck discusses his next fight, his career, and what he makes of the Georges St. Pierre greasing allegations.

CagePotato.com: Thanks for talking with me Josh.  What do you know about your opponent on the 21st, Paulo Thiago?

I really don’t know anything about him.  To be honest with you, I don’t even know what he looks like.  I’ve never seen video on him, nothing.  For me, it’s a fight.  I expect to go in there and fight and just do what I do, which is win.

Is the reason you haven’t seen any video on him because you can’t find any, or because you don’t care to look?

I just don’t even care to look.  I don’t care to watch it.  I don’t watch video on any of my opponents.  For me it’s just another fight.  I fight tough guys every single day at the gym.  I got a couple guys in the top ten in the weight class, like Jon Fitch and Mike Swick, plus the other guys from other weight classes at our gym.  I’m just looking for another good fight.  I’m sure he’s a tough opponent, but he hasn’t fought in the UFC yet.  This will be his first opportunity to fight somebody really tough.

(Props: Japan-MMA.com)

With DREAM’s next set of tournaments just around the corner — the featherweight GP starts March 8th, and the welterweight GP starts April 5th — highlight video maestro Genghis Con teamed up with "Bestrafer7" to create this hot-to-death tribute to DREAM’s 2008 lightweight and middleweight brackets. We don’t know much about this Bestrafer character, but judging from his bizarre J-Pop rap video-themed compilation of Kotetsu Boku, he’s got a style all his own. Below: Wanderlei Silva shows off his new gym in Las Vegas. ("Yeah, welcome!") Looks like a great space, though maybe he should have hired a native English speaker to handle the talking. And will somebody please shut that kid up?

(Props: MMA Mania)

(Photo courtesy of MMA Junkie.)

Shortly after Karo Parisyan’s unfortunate post-UFC 94 drug test results were released, the Heat expressed frustration at his situation, telling MMA Weekly that he’d revealed all his medications before the fight and was under the impression that he was not in violation of any rules. But Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer has contradicted Parisyan’s account of the events, spurring the troubled UFC welterweight to sort of change his story. Now, Parisyan says his complete honesty about his painkiller use didn’t happen until after after the fight:

Apparently, that’s not a good enough excuse. Regarding Parisyan’s statement that a prescription would absolve him from punishment, Keith Kizer was dismissive:

(Go ‘head and tell Matt Hughes he don’t know the difference between sweat and grease.  Wish a motherf*cker would.)

As sick as we all are about the Georges St. Pierre greasing allegations (and we are…seriously) Matt Hughes has more to say on the subject.  More accurately, he has the same thing to say about them as he said originally, he just wants you to know that he really meant it and wasn’t simply piling on for the hell of it.

On a post to his blog today Hughes wrote:

I usually don’t do this, but I will this time.  When I talk about a topic one week, it usually doesn’t get brought up again.  I think a lot of people need to go back and reread last week’s blog, including GSP.  At no point did I accuse Georges of putting grease on himself.  All I said was that he felt slick.  I’ve wrestled over a thousand matches, fought 50 opponents, all I’ve ever done in life is wrestle and compete with other people.  With all that experience, do you think I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between sweat and something else?  Last week when I got to Florida, I was in the elevator with Robbie, I said “Robbie did you hear about GSP?”  He said, “No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  I then said that BJ accused him of being slippery, Robbie looked right up at me and said, “That’s what you said after Anaheim.”  Also, I’ve had several people close to me around my town who have come up to me and said the same thing.  I’ve nothing against GSP, I even think he’s somewhat a likable guy.  Some people are trying to say that I’m making this personal and that’s just not true at all.  The reason I didn’t bring this up before was because I didn’t know there was anything to him being slick.  With all the other guys coming out and saying the same thing, I just wanted to be true to myself, and to everybody else, and say that there could be some validity there.  –matt

So, things we should take away from this latest missive…

(Yeah, it’s a nice shirt, but you know what?  I’m just going to wait until it’s selling for three dollars at T.J. Maxx.)

On Strikeforce’s media conference call today Frank Shamrock confirmed that he would indeed be fighting Nick Diaz on April 11, and at a catch-weight  of 179 pounds.  One can’t help but imagine the fierce negotiations that landed them at that awkward figure, but one can imagine that Frank and Nick both acted totally sweet during said negotiations, refusing to meet at a round number.

Of Diaz, Shamrock said, “"He’s a guy who throws and talks trash.  And on April 11 I’m going to knock him out."

That’s pretty much a compliment from Shamrock.  He also said he’d like to fight more often than the once or twice a year plan he’s been on lately, and of course he also beat the old ‘I want to fight my brother’ drum yet again.

Other news coming out of the call…

(We could have used some painkillers during this fight too, now that you mention it. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission has released the drug test results from UFC 94, and every fighter passed their screenings for banned substances except for Karo Parisyan, who was apparently medicated to the gills with the painkillers Hydrocodone, Hydromorphone, and Oxymorphone during his uninspiring split-decision victory over Dong Hyun Kim; Oxymorphone was also one of the painkillers that earned James Irvin a nine-month suspension following his loss to Anderson Silva in July. FiveOuncesofPain gets their pharmacist on:

A surprised Karo Parisyan told MMA Weekly that he revealed all his medications on his pre-fight medical paperwork, and believed that he had followed proper procedure and was not in violation of any rules. Unfortunately he appears to be, and the ensuing punishment could jeopardize his next fight, which was rumored to be a matchup with Josh Koscheck.

Parisyan has been engaged in a widely publicized battle with panic attacks in recent months — which led to a last-second pullout from a fight against Yoshiyuki Yoshida at UFC 88 in September — but had declined to take anti-depressants to deal with the illness. Whether that decision was due to an unwillingness to complicate his life with athletic commissions, or plain old Armenian Pride, it isn’t clear — but it has now become a moot point.

Parisyan will likely face a fine and a suspension. More details to come.

(There’s gotta be an easier way to earn five grand. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

$424,000 in official salaries and bonuses were paid out to the fighters who competed at Saturday night’s UFC Fight Night event in Tampa, Florida — a pittance compared to what the guys on pay-per-view cards tend to get, but when you consider that the live gate was only $428,000 it seems downright charitable. The numbers are below. Keep in mind that these figures don’t include income from sponsorships or undisclosed "locker room bonuses."

Cain Velasquez: $60,000 (includes $15,000 win bonus and $30,000 “Knockout of the Night” bonus)
Joe Lauzon: $50,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus and $30,000 “Submission of the Night” bonus)
Josh Neer: $48,000 (includes $9,000 win bonus and $30,000 “Fight of the Night” bonus)
Mac Danzig: $45,000 (includes $30,000 “Fight of the Night” bonus)
Kurt Pellegrino: $32,000 (includes $16,000 win bonus)
Anthony Johnson: $26,000 (includes $13,000 win bonus)
Gleison Tibau: $26,000 (includes $13,000 win bonus)
Rich Clementi: $23,000
Dan Miller: $18,000 (includes $9,000 win bonus)
Matthew Riddle: $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)

(While he’s fairly confident you all know who’s #1, Frank Shamrock still doesn’t like to chance it.)

Five Ounces of Pain reports that when Frank Shamrock headlines the April 11 Strikeforce card, he’ll be doing so against former EliteXC 160-pound contender and weed-loving hard-ass Nick Diaz.  On one hand, this has the makings of a great fight.  Both men are slightly insane in their own special ways, and both are liable to say/do absolutely anything in the lead up to a fight.

On the other hand, should they even be fighting?  Shamrock has competed most of his career at middleweight and above.  He weighed in at 185 for his bout with Cung Le.  Diaz has been hovering in the 160-170 pound neighborhood as of late, and doesn’t exactly have the kind of frame you can pack a lot of weight on to.  It’s unclear at this point whether Shamrock will cut down or whether Diaz will munchie up, though if we had to guess we’d put our money on the latter.

But even as I sit here perplexed by the decision to pit these two against each other – and disappointed by the fact that it isn’t a Diaz brothers vs. Shamrock brothers tag team match – I am forced to admit that I wouldn’t miss this fight for anything.  

(Will brawl for food.)

Now that Strikeforce is getting its Pro Elite ducks in a row, we’re all wondering what, if anything, they’ll decide to do with Kimbo Slice.  He was an undeniable draw for EliteXC, but he also came with a hefty price tag that was maybe, just maybe, not justified by his performance in the cage, particularly in his last fight against Seth Petruzelli.

Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker seems sympathetic to the plight of the internet brawler, but perhaps not so much that he’s willing to keep paying him the six-figure salary Pro Elite did:

“I think that if you look back at the past, he could have been built up to have the fights that he needed to face the Seth Petruzellis of the world and be successful, but he wasn’t given the opportunity,” said Coker. “When I look at Kimbo, I don’t look at it as his fault. He was in a ‘no win’ situation.”

Kimbo’s manager, “Icey” Mike Imber, indicated that while he wasn’t enthusiastic about a pay-cut for his fighter, he’d consider it rather than keep him out of action indefinitely.  But one thing’s for sure, Bas Rutten will not be training Slice.  Ever.

(Fuck a body-cavity search. Props to TMZ.)

More details about War "Jon Koppenhaver" Machine’s weekend arrest, from everybody’s favorite online gossip rag that occasionally covers UFC fighters, TMZ:

Perhaps the club was a little too straight-friendly. (Or not friendly enough?) Who knows. What you should really be concerned about is the fact that he had access to a computer the day after his arrest. After the jump, Machine turns to his trusty blog — perhaps the only constant in his life — to give us a little insight on what might have set him off in the first place.

("No Love" has "No Job." Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

Now that the country is losing jobs at a rate of almost 20,000/day, it was only a matter of time before the UFC’s contracted fighters began to feel the crunch. FiveOuncesofPain reports that the following fighters have been released from their contracts — and will now enter the worst job market since World War II:

— Rich Clementi was dropped shortly after tapping to a guillotine choke in the first round of his match with Gleison Tibau at Saturday’s UFC Fight Night 17. It was his second-consecutive loss in the Octagon, following a previous decision loss to Gray Maynard at UFC 90. This is actually the third time that the UFC has given Clementi his walking papers; he was also dropped after losing his first UFC fight to Yves Edwards in 2003, and again after going 1-2 following his stint on TUF 4 in 2006-7.

— Luigi Fioravanti was also cut after UFC Fight Night 17. Though he was able to score a decision win over Brodie Farber at "Fight for the Troops" in December, his first-round TKO loss to Anthony Johnson on Saturday was his fourth loss in his last six UFC appearances.

In this video from “Inside MMA,” Lyoto Machida does his best to explain how his training has evolved.  He has physical education training now!  I can only assume that involves a lot of kickball, some freeze tag, and the occasional mile run. 

(Props: Fightlinker)

At last, a decent video of Akihiro Gono’s full entrance at UFC 94, as shown on a Japanese UFC broadcast.  You still don’t quite feel the magic in this video the way those of us who saw it live did, but Gono managed to prove what “Kids in the Hall” long suspected: men dressed as women never fail to entertain.  You can see there were a couple hiccups in the routine, so maybe more rehearsal time is in order for his next fight.  For me the highlight is when Gono and his boys finish the entrance and begin giving the double high-five to anyone within reach.  Good show, everybody.

After the jump, something weird.