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Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

February, 2009

Karo Parisyan: “I’m Going to Be Homeless By the End of the Year”

Karo Parisyan MMA UFC
(Photo courtesy of 5oz.)

Following his bust for three unapproved painkillers following UFC 94, Karo Parisyan was hoping to take his suspension and try to move on with his life. Unfortunately, he’s still stuck in punitive limbo, as he was informed in a Nevada State Athletic Commission hearing yesterday that a final decision regarding his positive drug test won’t be announced until next month. Though Parisyan is still under a temporary suspension, his actual suspension will be retroactive to January 31st; in other words, it won’t begin on the date that the final suspension is determined, which is good news. Still, the uncertainty isn’t exactly helping the Heat’s panic-related issues. As he told MMA Junkie:

"I’ve got to come back (in March), and if they take my money and [heavily] fine me, I won’t make it until the end of the year. It’s that bad for me with income. If they won’t level with me, it’s going to be pretty hard for me.
 
I’m just going to tell them, ‘Listen, I’m sorry.’ I had a prescription for one pain pill; the other I didn’t have a prescription for. I have a very high resistance to pain pills, and I took some. I’m sorry.
 
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Shields/Riggs Added to Strikeforce’s April Event

Frank Shamrock Nick Diaz MMA Strikeforce
(Poster image courtesy of Frank Shamrock/Yardbarker)

Strikeforce’s first event in its new Showtime contract just picked up another big name. MMA Weekly has confirmed a report by AroundtheOctagon.com that said former EliteXC welterweight champ Jake Shields will be facing UFC/Strikeforce vet Joe Riggs at the April 11th card in San Jose. No, Riggs isn’t the kind of top ten opponent that Shields would ideally be fighting, but at least he’s competing again — which is pretty much how Shields and his father/manager Jack are viewing the situation. As the elder Shields told MMA Weekly:

“Originally, EliteXC had been up in the air for so long, we had gotten a lawyer and were prepared to file suit to get a release. Then we went to Strikeforce, and we know Scott Coker. We’ve always had good relations with him. It was a much smarter thing to do than getting involved with anything legal. It just seemed the right thing to do to go ahead and finish the contract. It’s a lot better than waiting around.”

That seems to leave open the possibility of Shields moving to the UFC when his current contract is completed, where he’d be able to test himself against the best 170-pounders in the world. The Cesar Gracie-trained fighter — who has won his last 11 fights, including victories over such highly regarded opponents as Paul Daley, Nick Thompson, Carlos Condit, and Yushin Okami — will also reportedly headline another Strikeforce event this summer, "against a well-known opponent."

Riggs has gone 2-2 in Strikeforce, most recently scoring a TKO over Luke Stewart at Strikeforce: Destruction last November. While in the UFC, he put together an equally-middling record of 4-4 — and infamously missed weight for a scheduled title fight against Matt Hughes in 2005 — but was able to collect victories against Nick Diaz and Chris Lytle.

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Quick Hits: More on Kimo’s Arrest, Josh Neer Re-Ups, Lyoto Machida Waits


(When people start comparing your mugshots, rarely do they reach a conclusion that says anything positive about you.)

After first reporting that former UFC fighter Kimo Leopoldo was arrested for meth and maybe attempting to impersonate a police officer, TMZ.com has provided pretty conclusive photographic evidence that the would-be CSAC Executive Officer has a little bit of a problem.  As is often the case with meth, the mug shot tells the whole story.  He doesn’t even look like the same guy anymore, and Sherdog adds this detail about the Long Beach Police Department jumper he was sporting when cops spotted him: “It had a badge in the front and the word ‘Police’ across the back, except he was wearing flip-flops and playing with a yo-yo.”  Dude.  Just…wow.

- Another recently arrested substance-abuser is in the news for good reasons today.  Josh Neer has signed a new four-fight contract with the UFC following his submission victory over Mac Danzig at Fight Night 17.  That’s a relief for the guy who was looking at potentially being dropped from the organization following his arrest for DUI, hit-and-run, and evading police on New Year’s Eve.  But he won his fight, so it’s okay now!  Looks like beating up a vegan is still worth something in this country.  Thank God.

- Lyoto Machida is hoping Keith Jardine will beat Quinton Jackson at UFC 96 in March and grant him a title shot, but he’s not kidding himself.  Talking to Tatame, Machida said, “I’m cheering for Jardine, but I think that Quinton is stronger, hits harder… I think Quinton is the favorite. I think I’ll have to wait a bit more.”  The undefeated Brazilian said he’d consider another fight before challenging for the belt, since he’s always done what the UFC asked, but added, “now is time for me to start to ask a bit too.”  Twenty bucks says he asks for the UFC to get him one of those TapouT caged beds.  If not, he’s missing a golden fucking opportunity.

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Dan Hardy Exclusive: “I’m Just Looking to Pick Off One Welterweight at a Time”

Dan Hardy made a successful UFC debut against journeyman Akihiro Gono at UFC 89, and now he moves up to the main card to take on Miletich camp slugger Rory Markham at UFC 95 this Saturday.  In this exclusive interview “The Outlaw” discusses his strategy for avoiding Markham’s big bombs, the U.K. MMA scene, and the trademark Mohawk that he sports in honor of his nation’s punk rock pioneers.

CagePotato.com: Thanks for talking with me, Dan.  What are you expecting out of Rory Markham on Saturday, and what’s your gameplan for dealing with him?

I expect him to come to try and knock me out.  I don’t think it’s any secret what his gameplan’s going to be.  My gameplan is going to be to stay out of the way of his punches and land my own strikes and wear him down.  I think I’ve got the endurance advantage.  I’ve been the distance in a few of my fights and he’s never experienced the end of that third round.  I think I’ve got the advantage in conditioning and I’ll be able to drag the fight on a little longer until I get the chance to knock him out.

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Videos: Tank Abbott Knocks Out Mike Bourke, Chael Sonnen Is “the Fastest White Man Alive”


(Props: Sherdog)

We’ve already shown you the epic Ken Shamrock/Shamu the Whale match from last Friday’s Wargods event, and at long last, here’s the night’s other headlining bout, Tank Abbott vs. Mike Bourke. The comedy starts even before the bell rings. Even though Bourke was 8-11-1 coming into the fight, the ring announcer, perhaps thinking that what he was seeing on his notecards was a typo, declared The Rhino’s record to be 18-11-1. And you gotta love the lady-commentator’s mock-enthusiasm at the 4:00 mark: "I wanna see it go the distance! I wanna see it go the distance! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" The fight itself ends after just 29 seconds, following two point-blank rabbit punches from Tank. Awesome. Speaking of which, here’s how Ken Shamrock‘s weaselly little brother Frank described the Wargods show on his Yardbarker.com blog:

Wargods was terrible
i just finished watching the wargods show online. thanks sherdog. can i just say that it was so sad to see Ken Shamrock fighting on a c level show. i wish the best for him but think its time to hang it up.

What, and rob us of the Ken/Tank superfight we’ve been waiting for since 1995?

After the jump: FranklyWashedUp on the UG unearthed this enlightening 2006 video of Chael Sonnen’s training and his life outside the cage, which includes real estate, a proud mother, and a hot girlfriend. Money line: "Even if I thought I could get a submission, I’m not laying underneath a grown man with my legs spread on worldwide TV. Some guys subscribe to that theory, but I’m a Republican, and we don’t do that." Hear that you jiu-jitsu faggots?!

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Caol Uno to Make His UFC Return in June


(Caol Uno vs. BJ Penn at UFC 34. Okay, so they weren’t all brilliant performances…)

After nearly six years away from the organization, one of the UFC’s early lightweight stars will be making his long-awaited return this summer. MMA Junkie reports that Japanese grappler Caol Uno has re-signed with the UFC and will likely step back into the Octagon against Spencer Fisher at UFC 99 (June 13th; Cologne, Germany). 

After beginning his MMA career in Shooto, where he eventually won the league’s 154-pound title, Uno entered the UFC in 2001 and immediately fought for the UFC’s "bantamweight" (155-pound) title against Jens Pulver. He lost a decision to Lil’ Evil, but after going 2-1 in his next three fights — including wins over Fabiano Iha and Yves Edwards, and the 11-second loss to BJ Penn shown above — Uno was invited to compete in a four-man UFC tournament to fill the lightweight title that Pulver had vacated. Uno defeated Din Thomas by decision in the tourney’s first round at UFC 39, but ran into Penn once again at UFC 41 in February 2003. The two fought to a frustrating five-round split-draw, which led the UFC to disband the 155-pound division for three years.

Uno fought for K-1 during that time, scoring notable wins over Hideo Tokoro, Rich Clementi, and Kultar Gill in their Hero’s promotion. Last year, Uno entered DREAM’s lightweight grand prix, where he choked out Mitsuhiro Ishida in the quarterfinals before losing to Shinya Aoki by decision in the semis. In recent weeks, Uno was mentioned as one of the fighters that the UFC wanted to use to break into Japan. Said Dana White: "Caol Uno, I love him. He’ll always be a part of the UFC. And yeah, we’re talking to him, too." 

Uno’s next opponent, Spencer Fisher, is 7-3 in the Octagon and has won his last two bouts against Jeremy Stephens and Shannon Gugerty; he also holds UFC wins over Thiago Alves, Matt Wiman, and Sam Stout. So, it won’t exactly be an easy "welcome back" fight for the Japanese veteran.

Two videos of Uno actually winning fights are after the jump…

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“Big” John McCarthy Hints at History of Greasing Problems


(Say what you will about Big John, he could rock the black track pants and latex gloves with the best of them.)

The Los Angeles Times takes a look at various cheating methods in combat sports today, from the illegal substance in Antonio Margarito’s glove to the Vaseline on Georges St. Pierre’s body.  The message here is that cheating, or “gamesmanship,” as Bert Sugar charitably tags it, is nothing new.  

But of interest to MMA fans are remarks from former UFC referee “Big” John McCarthy, which suggest that greasing problems have persisted for some time now, and that it’s no big secret, either:

"Guys will push the envelope in every way possible," former UFC referee "Big" John McCarthy said of mixed martial arts fighters. "Vaseline has always been an issue in MMA. It’s a real problem."
McCarthy has seen MMA fighters come into the octagon after taking a bath filled with soapy water or even baby oil. "You can’t notice it when they’re dry, but when they get on the ground and start to sweat, it starts to come out of their pores," McCarthy said.
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Videos: Did Diego Sanchez Get His Own Theme Song?

There are so many things wrong with this music video — “Nightmare,” by Illfluent (get it, like affluent, only ill’er?) — that all you can do is hope it’s a bad joke.  It’s just guys who look like the poor man’s Kevin Federline rapping about their vague fighting prowess while on the other half of a split screen we see the same footage of Diego Sanchez over and over again.  

It also includes classic lines like: “All glory to God when I go in to war/Even if I lose the battle I’ll be back for more,” and “I’m the best of the best/You don’t mess with the king/You want your face cut open with championship rings?”

Championship rings?  Either these guys did absolutely no research before writing this rhyme (and for the last time, you gotta research your raps, people), or they’re referring to Fedor’s WAMMA ring, which means they did entirely too much research.  Either way, it’s official.  Worst MMA-related music video ever.  Somehow it’s only 4:15 long, though it feels so, so much longer.  Take notice fighters: this is what happens when your theme song is composed by someone other than Jimmy Hart.

After the jump, some actual interview footage with Sanchez and Stevenson from last night’s “Countdown” show, via ESPN.

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Kimo Leopoldo Arrested for Methamphetamine Possession

Kimo Leopoldo UFC MMA
(Photo courtesy of Knucklepit.)

2009 is turning out to be a blockbuster year for MMA fighters fooling around and falling in jail. First we had Josh Neer arrested for hit-and-run/DUI. Then Jeff Monson was thrown in the pokey for grandfather clock abuse. Then War Machine got himself placed under citizen’s arrest at the gay club where he works. (Man, that gets funnier every time we write it.) And now it’s Kimo Leopoldo, the UFC old-timer and dark-horse candidate for CSAC executive officer. If you guessed "drug-related," congratulations, you are smarter than a fifth grader. TMZ, as usual, breaks it:

He’s kicked the crap out of all sorts of UFC fighters, but now Kimo Leopoldo is battling a serious drug charge.
 
TMZ has learned the famously tatted MMA badboy was arrested by Tustin police Monday afternoon after they spotted the 6’3", 235 lb fighter wearing a Long Beach Police Dept. jumpsuit, complete with patches and a cloth badge — a badge only cops are allowed to wear. The officers — the real officers — then searched Kimo’s ride, where they claim to have found "a small amount of what is believed to be meth."
 
Kimo, who famously lost to Royce Gracie in UFC 3, was charged with possession of a controlled substance and is still in police custody. Cops say there will also be an investigation into where the 41-year-old got his hands on the LBPD gear.
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Hot Potato: New Gina Carano Pics in Maxim

Gina Carano Maxim MMA hot
Gina Carano MMA Maxim sexy Gina Carano Maxim hot sexy Maxim MMA Gina Carano Crush MMA Maxim hot sexy Gina Carano Maxim pics MMA hot

Not a bad way to start your morning: Gina Carano has taken advantage of her current unemployment by posing for a new set of pics in Maxim. Check out her "My First Times" interview here, in which Crush/Conviction discusses her first fight inside the ring, her first fight outside the ring, and her first kiss. ("It didn’t smell good.")

Previously: 
Gina Carano Strips Off: The Video
Tonya Evinger Is a Bad Influence

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