Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

March, 2009

Update: Jensen/Steinbeiss Canceled, Miller and Browning Put on a Staredown Clinic

(It gets a little heated at the 1:30 mark, and believe it or not it’s Cole Miller who escalates things.)

Those of you who were looking forward to the Steve Steinbeiss/Ryan Jensen fight that you probably weren’t going to see aired on Spike TV anyway are sure going to be…disappointed, I guess?  According to Cage Writer, the fight was scrapped when Jensen tested positive for Adderall, the ADHD drug also known to help fighters who are trying to cut weight or cram for that biology midterm.  So that explains that.

In other Fight Night 18 weigh-in news, check Cole Miller getting all up in Junie Browning‘s business.  It looks like Miller’s mouth is working hard too, though we can only guess what he was saying (something about Junie setting a bad example for the impressionable youth of Kentucky, we assume).  Oddly, Browning is the one who appears to remain calm throughout the encounter.  He even gives Miller a friendly, go-get-em butt slap.  Such a nice boy he turned out to be.  So supportive.


UFC Fight Night 18 Weigh-Ins Had a Little Trouble

(Look who’s here to fix the cable…)

UFC Fight Night 18 in Nashville, Tenn. is not off to a great start.  They held the weigh-ins today, and both Jeremy Stephens and Gleison Tibau missed weight, with Stephens coming in a full two pounds over the allotted 156-pound limit.  Tibau was only off by a half a pound, but instead of letting him try to cut it they opted to change it to a catchweight bout at 158 pounds.  Because hey, screw it, right?

Ryan Jensen and Steve Steinbeiss didn’t weigh in as part of the regular proceedings at all. reports that they both later clocked in at 186, but the fight is “on hold at the moment, pending resolution of an administrative issue.”  Man, don’t tell me one of those guys has been going to Aleks Emelianenko’s favorite tattoo parlor.  Yes, they do great work there, but for the last time it isn’t worth it!

The rest of the weigh-in results look like this:

Martin Kampmann (170) vs. Carlos Condit (170.5)
Carmelo Marrero (205) vs. Ryan Bader (206)
Junie Browning (156) vs. Cole Miller (156)
Rafael Dos Anjos (156) vs. Tyson Griffin (156)
Matt Horwich (185) vs. Ricardo Almeida (185.5
Jeremy Stephens (158) vs. Gleison Tibau (156.5)
Jesse Sanders (171) vs. Brock Larson (171)
Nissen Osterneck (186) vs. Jorge Rivera (185)
Nick Catone (186) vs. Tim Credeur (186)
Joe Vedepo (185) vs. Rob Kimmons (185)
Aaron Simpson (186) vs. Tim McKenzie (184.5)


Monte Cox Can’t Believe New Jersey Doesn’t Want Sylvia/Mercer Shitshow

(They just don’t make MMA-themed t-shirts with the middle-aged manager’s body type in mind, do they?)

MMA agent/Adrenaline promoter Monte Cox is stunned, absolutely stunned, by the New Jersey Athletic Control Board’s decision not to sanction the proposed boxing match between former heavyweight champ Ray Mercer and owner of an unblemished 0-0 boxing record Tim Sylvia.  Talking with Ariel Helwani at, he called the decision “ridiculous,” adding: “It must not have been as compelling as the Bonaduce-Canseco fight.”

That would have been a sweet burn…if that fight had actually taken place in New Jersey and not Pennsylvania, as Helwani points out.  As it is, it’s just a sweet burn on Pennsylvania, which, let’s not forget, only recently decided to sanction MMA.

Now that the fight has been moved to the lawless territory known as Alabama (pronounced: Al-uh-bam-uhhh) Cox is trying to convince people that it’s purely coincidental that he decided to relocate his entire event to a state with no sanctioning body:


WAG Alert: Dean Lister Continues to Pull Quality Tail

Dean Lister Rosa Mendez MMA UFC WWE
Dean Lister Rosa Mendez MMA UFC WWERosa Mendes Roucka WWERosa Mendes Milena Roucka MMA WWERosa Mendes WWE Diva

We’re fully aware that it’s the game which should be hated, rather than the player, but this is getting ridiculous. So, Dean Lister used to be dating this girl. The general consensus was something along the lines of "maybe she’s too attractive to be with a goon-faced man who’s gone 5-5 in his last 10." Now we get news (and photo proof) from CagePotato reader Jerry V. that the Boogeyman’s latest conquest is not only hot, but kind of famous as well.

Closet WWE fans might know the above woman as Milena Roucka, who goes by the WWE Diva stage name Rosa Mendes. There really isn’t much more to say besides "how does this keep happening?" It’s Dean Lister, for crying out loud. Is his game really that tight? TEACH US, BOOGEYMAN.


Must-See: “BJ Penn Is…The DOUCHEBAG”


The brilliant video-remixer/voice-mimic responsible for the Tito Ortiz music video in the #1 spot of today’s Worst Commentary Moments list dropped us a line this afternoon to let us know that his latest work has just been posted to YouTube. (Good lookin’ out, Chaplin!) "The Douchebag" makes fun of everything that BJ Penn can possibly be made fun of for, including (but not limited to) his lazy training habits, his mother fighting his legal battles for him, his failed appeal to The Rock for a movie role, and how his former jiu-jitsu teacher hates him now. Plus, we learn that when BJ’s voice is slowed down, he sounds basically retarded. (Coincidentally, Jeff Goldblum suffers from the same condition.) Chaplin also has a couple of non-MMA-related videos that you also need to check out. If you can make it through this voice-dubbed scene from last season’s Celebrity Apprentice without pissing yourself laughing…well, good for you. Must be nice having dry pants.


Is Cole Miller Underestimating Junie Browning?

Apparently Cole Miller’s mother never told him that if you don’t have something nice to say about someone, you shouldn’t say anything at all.  Talking to Steve Cofield (it doesn’t get remotely interesting until a little after the six-minute mark), Miller responds to a question about what he thinks of Junie Browning on a technical level by saying: “Nothing.  I don’t think he’s technical at all.”

Miller then goes on to point out that Browning has never tapped out or knocked out anyone who matters, before then comparing him to past opponents like Andy Wang and concluding that Browning is the worst fighter he’s faced in the UFC, next to Allen Berube (ouch!).  

So is Miller right about Browning?  Maybe.  We don’t really know for sure, since all we’ve really seen of him comes from his “Ultimate Fighter” antics and his submission victory over Dave Kaplan, who’s not exactly top-level competition.  But even if he is right, I’m not sure it’s such a great idea to go around talking about how almost-comically bad your next opponent is.  If you manage to get people to believe that he’s one of the worst fighters ever to step into the Octagon, then it’s not enough to just beat him.  You have to beat him quickly and effortlessly, otherwise you look like a punk.


Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC Fight Night 18

(You didn’t think Martin Kampmann’s eyebrows always looked so perfect by accident, did you?)

When last we left the Gambling Addiction Enabler, a mathematical error had left him mistakenly believing that he suffered a net loss at UFC 96 rather than a gain of $30.  So now that he’s realized his error, you might be wondering, does that mean he has an extra thirty bones to throw around at UFC Fight Night 18?  Sadly, no.  That event was several weeks ago, so he’s already spent the money on a bunch of Snoop Dogg posters from Hot Topic.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is that his home office now looks straight-up gangsta.

But tomorrow night is a brand new opportunity to turn MMA knowledge and a taste for reckless financial risk into cold hard cash.  Here are the best lines on the internet, courtesy of

Carlos Condit (+102) vs. Martin Kampmann (-110)
Ryan Bader (-400) vs. Carmelo Marrero (+360)
Tyson Griffin (-385) vs. Rafael Dos Anjos (+355)
Junie Browning (+120) vs. Cole Miller (-125)
Gleison Tibau (-145) vs. Jeremy Stephens (+145)
Ricardo Almeida (-275) vs. Matt Horwich (+245)
Brock Larson (-450) vs. Jesse Sanders (+400)
Tim Credeur (-117) vs. Nick Catone (+110)
Jorge Rivera (-135) vs. Nissen Osterneck (+140)
Rob Kimmons (-255) vs. Joe Vedepo (+230)
Tim McKenzie (+145) vs. Aaron Simpson (-167)
Steve Steinbeiss (+165) vs. Ryan Jensen (-195)



The 10 Worst Commentary Moments in MMA History

#10: Frank Trigg‘s stunned disbelief
Affliction: Banned, 7/19/08

It’s not that Trigg’s reaction when Fedor started landing bombs on Tim was inappropriate; in fact, this was pretty much how we reacted during the fight. But when you’re being paid actual money to give insightful commentary about a sporting event, the viewers at home deserve a little better than "OH! OH-HO! OH-HO! OH-HO-NO-HO! OH!" Especially when you consider that this is a recurring trend with Trigg — when crazy shit goes down, the eloquence-train flies off the tracks, so to speak.

#9: Mike Goldberg tells us how precise Anderson Silva‘s precision is

The answer: Really. It’s really precise. Man, sometimes Mike is better off keeping his mouth shut until it’s time to ask Joe Rogan whether or not a fighter’s arm is in trouble. By the way, if you can watch that video for all ten minutes, we’ll send you a t-shirt.

#8: Kimbo Slice fails third-grade geography 
K-1′s World Grand Prix 2008 Final, 12/6/08

Kimbo Slice City of Japan
(Unfortunately, we couldn’t find a working video of this moment. Hopefully this Esther Lin/Lolcats mashup will be sufficient.)

Okay, give Kimbo a break. The man was extremely jet-lagged, and he clearly meant "the prefecture of Japan known as Kanagawa, which has Yokohama as its capital, where we are right now." It’s not like he asked co-commentator Michael Schiavello what the fuck up with all the Chinese people in the building. That would have been embarrassing. And speaking of which…


The 10 Fastest & Most Furious Knockouts of All Time: Villasenor vs. Weiss

Fast & Furious MMA knockouts fight video Joey Villasenor Hank Weiss King of the Cage

#3: Joey Villasenor vs. Hank Weiss @ King of the Cage: New Mexico (8/28/04), 5 seconds

We don’t know if Joey Villasenor had been studying tape on Hank Weiss, but Good Lord did Smokin’ Joe have his number. As soon as Weiss makes the grave mistake of dropping his hands while setting up his first attack, Villasenor is right there with the left hook (perfectly directed at Weiss’s knockout button) and the follow-up right straight (which missed, likely saving his life). And just like that, another beautiful one-punch KO was bestowed on the world. Weiss has lost 10 of his last 12 fights, but only one of those losses has been by knockout, so maybe he’s learned his lesson about keeping the mitts up and the chin down.



Quick Hits: Sanchez/Guida, Cavalcante/Kawajiri, Lashley’s Non-Fight, + More

(Whaddaya know, Josh Barnett owns a suit.)

– The rumored Clay Guida/Diego Sanchez scrap is now official as the headlining bout of the season finale of TUF 9, the UFC confirmed today.  It’s jumping off on June 20 in Las Vegas, and the big question is, will Guida stick with his suffocation attack against Sanchez, or will he have to revert to the old Guida, otherwise known as Enkidu the wild man, that we used to love so much?  Maybe he can enlist the services of his brother in the psychological warfare department, though Sanchez might be a little too out there even for Jason to screw with.

– In other bookings news, Gesias “JZ” Cavalcante will take on Tatsuya Kawajiri at Dream.9 on May 26.  Cavalcante hasn’t fought since losing a decision to Shinya Aoki last April, but his return to the ring against a quality opponent like Kawajiri should bolster the Dream offering just ever so slightly.

– The XFC (Xtreme Fighting Championships – original, no?) sent out a press release to declare that rumors of a Bobby Lashley/Marcus Jones fight at XFC 8 were totally bogus.  The release contained no other pertinent information, though the organization’s president did say that he “hopes Bobby Lashley – and MMA fans nationwide – enjoy XFC 8 ‘Regional Conflict’ on April 25, as it airs live from the 21 thousand-capacity Thompson-Boling Arena in Knoxville, Tennessee, exclusively on HDNet.”  Oh, I see what you did there.

MMA Payout is reporting that the in-game advertising we mentioned last week might be beneficial not only to the UFC, but also to individual fighters, who may have the ability to sell their own sponsorships in “Undisputed.”  Better get your checkbook out, Jesus Didn’t Tap.