(Ryan Magidan: The dude can kick.)

This week’s installment of "The New Guys" will be a brief one — there are only two Octagon first-timers on Saturday’s UFC 96 card. But both fighters are undefeated ass-kickers with the potential to shake things up in their divisions. So pay attention, because it’s time for us to drop some knowledge…

MARK MUNOZ (LHW)
?Experience: 5-0 record, with appearances in Gladiator Challenge and Palace Fighting Championship. Last two fights were in the WEC, where he scored first-round TKOs over Chuck Grigsby and Ricardo Barros.
Will be facing: Matt Hamill (5-2, all fights in the UFC)
?Lowdown: "The Philippine Wrecking Machine" comes from a decorated amateur wrestling background; while competing at Oklahoma State University as a 197-pounder, he scored two Big 12 titles and became the first Filipino-American to win a Division I National Championship. It was Munoz’s friend Urijah Faber who first convinced him to try his hand at MMA, and Munoz now trains out of Faber’s Ultimate Fitness gym in Sacramento. Jesus is his homeboy.

RYAN MADIGAN (WW)
?Experience: 5-0 record (all wins by stoppage within the first two rounds) in regional leagues including Gladiators Cage Fighting and Close Quarters Combat.
Will be facing: Tamdan McCrory (10-2, 2-2 UFC)
Lowdown: A ferocious striker, Ryan "The Lion" honed his kickboxing chops in Chuck Norris’s World Combat League, and is the current IKF East Coast middleweight champion. The Ohio-based fighter is a member (and striking coach) of the Jungle Fight Team, where he trains under Chris Chard, and is also an instructor at the Evolve Training Center in Medina, OH. According to his bio, his favorite TV show is The Bachelor. Seriously?

("Another mid-level opponent who doesn’t put me any closer to a title shot? Sweet!")

— Well, at least the UFC hasn’t completely forgotten about Yushin Okami. The perennial top middleweight contender, who has won his last three fights against Jason MacDonald, Evan Tanner, and most recently Dean Lister in December, will reportedly be back in action at UFC 98 (May 23rd, Las Vegas) against Dan Miller. In his last 10 fights, Miller has gone 9-0 with one no-contest, and has been undefeated in the Octagon, picking up wins against Rob Kimmons, Matt Horwich, and Jake Rosholt. An impressive win for Okami would further cement his case for a title shot, though we get the feeling that "Thunder" would have to rack up a few consecutive wins by stoppage before the UFC finally gives him a chance. With Serra/Hughes now official, the UFC 98 card is lookin’ stacked.

— Exciting welterweight rising star Anthony Johnson and impressive prospect John Howard have agreed to meet at the TUF 9 finale in June. Johnson is riding a two-fight win streak after his first-round TKO over Luigi Fioravanti at last month’s UFC Fight Night 17, and his highlight-reel head-kick KO of Kevin "Pokey" Burns at the TUF 8 finale in December. A veteran of the IFL and various regional MMA leagues in the East Coast, Howard made his Octagon debut at UFC 94, winning a split decision against Chris Wilson and taking home one of the event’s Fight of the Night bonuses.

(Calmly explaining the Atlas philosophy: Life is generally bullshit.)

Michael David Smith talked to legendary boxing trainer and analyst Teddy Atlas about the upcoming Vitali Klitschko/Juan Carlos Gomez fight and about the state of boxing in general.  When asked whether the rise of MMA and the UFC was partly responsible for the decline of boxing, Atlas couldn’t resist putting his way with words to work, saying “the sport’s good and the participants are tough guys — but Ultimate Fighting’s not a pimple on the ass of boxing.”

We beg to differ, Teddy.  Not only is it a pimple on the ass of boxing, it’s a great big boil that will continue to fill with puss and other gross stuff until it bursts at the most inopportune moment, leaving an embarrassing stain on the ass of the boxing world’s slacks that everyone will see but won’t tell you about because it’s just too awkward.  Then you’ll get home and realize you’ve been walking around all day like that, and you’ll never want to leave the house again except for groceries and maybe to rent a movie.  But you’ll run into people you know at the video store and they’ll still remember the ass stain incident.  They won’t say anything, but you’ll know they’re thinking about it and you will feel shamed.

See?  Now that’s how you craft an extended motherfucking metaphor, Teddy.

Okay, but seriously, Atlas did give MMA its due and admitted that the UFC does a better job of consistent promotion and marketing than boxing.  And he has a point when he says that the big boxing matches still outdraw and out-pay the UFC, but he also has a point when he laments that this is all boxing has become, “one big fight a year.”

In this clip from “Inside MMA” trainer Greg Jackson is asked about comments from Dana White insinuating that the greasing incident at UFC 94 was intentional, at least on the part of Georges St. Pierre’s trainers.  Jackson responds by calling the UFC prez a lying motherfucker.  Okay, not in those words, but it’s in his eyes.

Actually, the strange part is Jackson admitting that GSP’s magical breathing technique is “above my pay grade.”  Seriously?  You’ve got one of the best minds in MMA in your corner and even he doesn’t know what the hell you’re doing with your greasy hands on GSP’s chest?

After the jump, Raw Vegas takes a look at Gray Maynard’s training for his UFC 96 bout with Jim Miller.  You ask me, it could very well be one of the more interesting fights on the card.  Or it could be a typical Gray Maynard affair.  But I don’t know, those Miller boys, they’re tricky.

(Props: CageToday and "Juggo")

Our bro Ariel Helwani has landed his first big "get" at Versus.com — Jared Shaw, the stomach-tattooed uber-douche who acted as EliteXC Vice President during his father’s ill-fated promotional reign with the company. We scanned the interview hoping to find a quote in which Jared referred to himself in the third person, and Young Shaw did not disappoint. But before that, we were saddened to see $kala’s negative take on MMA blogs. (And after all we’ve done for you!) The whole thing is worth reading, but for now, check out this excerpt:

(Yeah, the doughy dude on the left. Crazy. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

Bad news via MMA Mania:

You may remember Sidelnikov as "Baby Fedor," the trusted Emelianenko training partner who went into a heavyweight match against Paul Buentello at Day of Reckoning looking like he should be competing at middleweight, and got raped. Between his performance and his appearance, he’d be the last guy we’d suspect of having a chemical advantage. And yet he pissed dirty for a synthetic anabolic steroid derived from testosterone. This world is full of surprises.

Dollars to donuts he’ll be using Tim Sylvia’s patented "I was only using it to trim my physique" defense, which will probably be good enough for him to compete again in Russian MMA leagues, where they don’t even care that Aleksander Emelianenko is competing with tainted blood. But from our view, this might cast some suspicion on Fedor himself. The WAMMA champ and his protege trained together every day — might he have been aware that Sidelnikov was cutting corners?

(Props: "Card" on the UG. Lots more robo-scraps here.)

Are you sitting down? Good — prepare to have your mind blown. When I started to watch this Japanese robot MMA video, I thought, okay, these little guys are going to throw haymakers until one of their heads pop up. I was not expecting the little gray one to duck the hook then shoot in for the single-leg takedown (1:01), then follow it up with a suplex (1:26). Classic striker vs. grappler battle here. Alright, so it gets a little sloppy after a while, but the PRIDE victory music makes up for it. Skip to 3:42 for another epic slam, and if you watch to end, you’ll see that even in robot fights, the Japanese are fond of their freak shows.

It wasn’t easy, but we’ve poured through your entries and selected the two we liked best to join us for some VIP fun at the Sugar Bar in Columbus, Ohio this Friday night as we get our UFC 96 pre-party on.  Your winners:

Vrax: we liked his Maker’s Mark-centric entry, and he did a lot of work on the Wiki for us and we don’t forget a friend like that.

Cariouslesions: there’s something about a Cage Potato reader who is in dental school and also subscribes to Fight! Magazine that we like.

Gentlemen, please send us an email at feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name and contact info and we’ll put you down on the guest list (+1).  See you Friday, 8:30 pm.

For those of you who didn’t win, this doesn’t mean we don’t like you.  It just means we don’t like you as much as Vrax and Cariouslesions, who are going to get to throw a few back with us, some UFC fighters and Octagon girls, and the guys from Fight! Magazine.  The rest of you can and should still swing by when the club opens to the public at 10 pm.  We’ll have t-shirts to give away and a ring girl contest for you to enjoy, and we’d love to make your acquaintance and then forget all about it in the morning.

(Sometimes Wanderlei uses Lil’ Wanderlei to say things he can’t, such as ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘I love you,’ and ‘What’s this catchweight shit about?’)

UFC.com today officially announced Rich Franklin/Wanderlei Silva as the main event for UFC 99 in Cologne, Germany on UFC 99, which has been dubbed “The Comeback.”  Yes, they already used that one for a season of “The Ultimate Fighter,” but so what?  It’s Germany.  They’re too busy screwing around with soccer and modernist architecture to know what’s happening on American TV.

As previously rumored, the bout will take place at a catchweight of 195 pounds, which is kind of odd since both Franklin and Silva last fought at 205 pounds.  But it only seems to make no sense because you haven’t heard Dana White’s explanation yet:

“Everyone knows Rich moved up to light heavyweight a couple of fights ago while Wanderlei is planning on fighting at 185lbs from now on, but this fight is too exciting a match not to happen and both these guys deserve a ton of credit for taking this fight at 195lbs.”

"Here we go. Bloggin’ again." So says Dana White after he and Lorenzo sell some snake oil to a group of Stanford Business students, telling them that their friendship is what has kept the UFC successful. Plus, it’s all about the ride. You can pretty much skip past 2:19-4:44, in which Lorenzo tells a convoluted shaggy dog story (literally/figuratively) which doesn’t really go anywhere. You can also skip through 4:45-6:00 in which Dana plays Pac-Man in his garage. Man, I can’t imagine what landed on the cutting-room floor this time around. Then, Dana’s daughter shows up in an Ed Hardy shirt (LOL, what a douchebag) and his son disses his baldness. A lot of family time, basically, ending with Dana and Lorenzo reunited and heading to Germany. In a way, this vlog entry is much like UFC 96 itself — only interesting if you’re a hardcore fan.

Below: Rejoice! Genghis Con has created a sequel to his groovy Fedor Emelianenko-based film The Last Russian Emperor. Chapter 2 focuses on Fedor’s last five victories (Hunt, Lindland, Choi, Sylvia, Arlovski), with some great behind-the-scenes footage peppered in. The exchange between Aleks and Andrei at the 6:13 mark FTW.

(Image courtesy of the UFC.)

From a new bulletin on UFC.com:

This matchup has always been interesting because the position where Lesnar is the strongest (slugging from the top) alligns with the position where Mir is the strongest (subbing from the bottom). So it’ll be interesting to see if Brock opts for the same strategy this time around — taking Mir to the mat right away and trying to overwhelm him with ground-and-pound. As he learned at UFC 81, that’s a good way to get caught in a freak kneebar.  Could we be seeing an epic standup war in the rematch?

(This must be what Bizarro World Ross Clifton looks like.)

Forget about the Ken Shamrock-Tank Abbott bout that you’ve been positively salivating over, because Bloody Elbow says Shamrock will get beaten up by former pro wrestler Bobby Lashley at Roy Jones Jr.’s “March Badness” event in Pensacola, Florida first.  Looks like you’ll have to wait a little longer for your dream fight, MMA fan who is stuck in 1996.

Lashley has only one pro fight so far, which might be reason enough for Shamrock — who is still riding high after his victory over morbidly obese tomato can Ross Clifton — to think he has a chance.

But does he really have a shot?  Of course not.  Lashley may be a newcomer to MMA, but he was a national wrestling champion in college.  In addition to that, he’s also a superb athlete and is not really old, slow, and suffering visible effects from years of beatings.  In other words, he has several crucial advantages over Shamrock.

Many of you have already submitted your entries to the Fight! Magazine/Cage Potato Pre-UFC 96 VIP party contest.  Looking through the forum thread, I have to say I’m impressed at the variety of methods you people came up with to prove your worthiness. 

Some of my favorites range from promising us drugs to telling us your sad, sad story to posting evidence of your frequent flier miles to pointing out that you are biologically a woman.  [Note: that last one may be rare and impressive enough by itself on an MMA forum, DutchAsFuck, but is much less so at a party with a ring girl contest going on.  Try again.]

As much as we’ve enjoyed hearing your pleas for fun, this must come to an end.  Tuesday we announce our winners, based on whatever the hell criteria we feel like, so get your entries in now if you haven’t already.  Hopefully that will give the lucky winners time enough to make the necessary plans while also allowing the rest of you to heal from the tremendous hurt you’ll have suffered.  And yes, if you win you will be permitted to bring one guest.  But choose wisely.  The friend you have who’s known for shooting tequila and puking on himself?  Even though you guys have been bros since fifth grade, maybe it’s best to leave him at home for this one.

The good news is that even if you don’t win you can still meet up with us when the club opens to the public at 10 pm.  The ring girl contest is set to pop off at around 11 so you’ll still get to see the good stuff, and we may even have a t-shirt or two left to give out by then.  If that doesn’t entice you enough, I’ll leave you with this: what do all three UFC Octagon Girls have in common?  No, it isn’t daddy issues.  Well, maybe it is.  But more importantly they’ll all be partying with Cage Potato and Fight! Magazine this Friday night.  Where will you be?

(Photos courtesy of DreamOfficial via BloodyElbow)

How does one say "no homo" in Japanese? Shinya "Tobikan Judan" Aoki and Masakazu "Ashikan Judan" Imanari showed up to a recent media grappling session in costume for some reason, with Aoki dressed as a schoolgirl and his Nippon Top Team homeboy as some sort of lecherous gym teacher. Sources tell CagePotato that Imanari had originally planned to go as a tentacle monster, but thought it would be too subtle. Enjoy the pics…?

(Props: World of MMA)

File under: Things that would be kind of amazing, but don’t have the slightest chance of actually happening. In this quickie interview with Fabricio Werdum, the former UFC heavyweight says his next fight will be for Strikeforce, likely in May (cool!), and his opponent "is possible, maybe, Kimbo" (oh no!). Throwing Ferg against a seasoned killer like Werdum seems to contradict Scott Coker’s previously stated plan to build Slice back up slowly, so we’re raising an eyebrow at this one. But for the record, Fab says that his gameplan would be to take Kimbo down and submit him. Smart thinking, player; you don’t want none of Kimbo in a stand-up war.

Below: Versus chose not to show the direct aftermath of Damacio Page’s Knockout of the Night over Marcos Galvao at WEC 39, and with good reason — Galvao was completely stiffened after the KO, and then suffered a brief seizure. Check out the gruesome fan-shot video below. Fortunately, Galvao was quickly released from the hospital with no apparent injuries, but it was a scary moment for the fighter and his supporters.

(Props: Fightlinker)

When Ariel Helwani informed us that he was leaving MMA Rated – once the go-to spot for video interviews that often became instant internet classics, now an anemic shell of a website – amid hard financial times, we naturally assumed that this meant our Canadian friend would soon be reduced to selling fake Nikes and knock-off Affliction shirts in Times Square.  Then he got the job working on “UFC Primetime” and it seemed like things might be all right until production shut down following UFC 94 and he was forced to get some sleep and go back on his all Ramen Noodles diet.

But lo and behold, “The Franchise” is back in business.  We’re pleased to tell you that Helwani is now beefing up the MMA coverage at Versus.com.  That’s right, as in the people who air the WEC events you enjoy so much.  In other words, Helwani is working for The Man.  The good news?  The Man pays well, and on time.

He tells us that Versus.com will be covering the MMA world as a whole and not just the WEC, and we’re encouraged by the fact that they hired a real MMA journalist for the job and not some punk-ass corporate lackey.  If you want to check out Helwani’s first effort – a recap of last night’s WEC – you can read it here.  

Congrats, Ariel.  The Potato Nation looks forward to reading your work until you are inevitably fired for stealing office supplies and sexually harassing interns.  Should be a fun three weeks.

(There’s my boy.  Photo courtesy of WEC.tv)

As some of you have noted in the comments to our Gambling Addiction Enabler series, following our betting advice seems likely to lead to financial ruin.  Weird, I know.  It’s almost as if you shouldn’t make financial decisions based on what you read for free on the internet while you’re supposed to be working.

But in an effort to bring accountability and transparency to the Gambling Addiction Enabler, here’s how I did following my own advice for WEC 39.

The Bet: $20 on Mike Brown at -185 (BetUs.com)
The Outcome: Won a cool $10.81 (plus, you know, my original twenty back). 
What I Learned: Yes, I know I’m betting small here but it’s the WEC, which is basically the dog track of MMA.  You don’t want to blow hundreds of dollars on some greyhounds that will be euthanized four months from now, so to speak.  (To really lose your ass, you go to Santa Anita.  Which for the purposes of this ill-fated analogy, is the UFC.)  My faith in Brownie paid off here, albeit in meager fashion.  But I’m building my gambling fortune empire and like they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day.  It also wasn’t built on twenty-dollar bets on guys who were favored at almost 2-1, but I’m conveniently ignoring that fact in order to savor this win.

(Dee-Dubs hangs out at Wasted Space with House of Pain’s DJ Lethal [top] and Everlast [in hat]. And some tool named Jason Giambi. Photo courtesy of VegasNews.)

From a press release posted this weekend on MixedMartialArts.com:

(Brown vs. Garcia)

If you didn’t believe it after he pulled out a first-round TKO over Urijah Faber in November, believe it now — Mike Brown is a freakin’ monster. Brown’s first featherweight title defense ended in quick, violent fashion, as the American Top Team fighter needed less than two minutes to pound #1 contender Leonard Garcia into helplessness, then end the fight with an arm-triangle choke from the top. Things looked bad for Garcia right away, with Brown smashing him to the mat with an overhand right just 18 seconds into round 1. From there, Brown worked some brutal ground-and-pound, bloodying Garcia’s face. Garcia was able to stave off a rear-naked choke attempt, but Brown relentlessly worked to finish the fight on the ground, and made Garcia tap at the 1:57 mark. After the fight, Brown picked up a $7,500 Submission of the Night bonus, and welcomed a rematch with Faber, calling it the fight that fans want to see the most.

Speaking of bonuses, bantamweight Damacio Page earned a $7,500 Knockout of the Night bump for his 18-second storming of Marcos Galvao — who, somewhat unsurprisingly, had to leave the cage on a stretcher — while Johny Hendricks and Alex Serdyukov each took home an extra $7,500 for their action-packed Fight of the Night, which Hendricks won in a unanimous decision despite a late comeback from Serdyukov. Hendricks vs. Serdyukov was the last welterweight match to be featured in the WEC; both fighters are rumored to move to the UFC.

Josh Koscheck isn’t letting a shocking upset slow down his brisk competition schedule. MMA Mania reports that the UFC welterweight sorta-contender will attempt to rebound from his knockout loss against Paulo "Seriously?" Thiago at UFC 98 (May 23rd, Las Vegas), where he’s scheduled to take on Team Quest fighter Chris Wilson; it will be Kos’s fourth fight in six months.

A veteran of the IFL and the Oregon-based SportFight league, Wilson has gone 1-2 since entering the UFC in 2008 and likely needs a win to keep his contract. Wilson lost his Octagon debut against Jon Fitch last March (where he was a short-notice replacement for Akihiro Gono), then won a unanimous decision over Steve Bruno in August, and most recently dropped a split-decision to John Howard in UFC 94′s "Fight of the Night." Six of Wilson’s last eight fights have gone to the judges.

As for Koscheck, he’d better do his research this time. And bringing back some of the wrestling that used to work so well for him in the past wouldn’t be such a terrible idea either.

(Props: Bloody Elbow)

As mentioned yesterday, War Machine won his bout against the previously-undefeated Guillaume De Lorenzi at Friday night’s XMMA 7 event, ending the fight with a rear-naked choke after some back-and-forth grappling — which is also how he defeated Darren Zatkow in Spetember 2007. Luckily, he didn’t get probation for this one. Score!

("Say ‘Seth Petruzelli’ again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker." Props: The Garv. Click for larger version.)

I wish I had the backstory to this photo, but I don’t. Maybe it’s part of a screen test for the upcoming movie remake of The A-Team, which still doesn’t have a cast. Maybe Kimbo is just transitioning to a new line of work (and if so, best of luck, Ferg). Who knows. The Internet sometimes creates things on its own without any real explanation. If you have an insight, let us know.