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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

March, 2009

Sengoku Videos: “King Mo” Lawal, James Thompson, Nam Phan, + More


(James Thompson vs. Jim York.  Props: MMA Videos)

Say this for James Thompson, dude is dependable.  You can always count on him to come charging out of his corner at the sound of the bell, then become quickly exhausted, and finally get dropped by a punch that doesn’t look all that hard.  In a sport where consistent performers are hard to come by, it’s refreshing to know exactly what you’re going to get when "The Colossus" is in the ring.

After the jump, more videos from Sengoku’s "Seventh Battle" that are actually athletically meaningful.

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Full Fighter Roster Released for ‘UFC 2009 Undisputed’

Keith Jardine Quinton Jackson Rampage UFC Undisputed 2009
(If this happened in real life, you’d expect the people around the cage to freak out a little more. Image courtesy of GameSpot.)

GameSpot has revealed the full fighter roster for the UFC’s long-awaited video game 2009 Undisputed, which will be released on May 19th for the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. (Props to MMA Junkie for the heads-up.) The list is below; fighters with weight-class abbreviations after their names can also be played in those divisions. As you’ll see, there are some unfortunate omissions (Randy Couture, Shane Carwin, Matt Hamill, Patrick Cote, Jon Jones, Junie Browning), a few guys who left the UFC a long time ago (Andrei Arlovski, Tim Sylvia, Tito Ortiz, Kazuhiro Nakamura), and one fighter who isn’t even alive anymore (Evan Tanner).

Heavyweights: Andrei Arlovski, Mark Coleman, Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic, Gabriel Gonzaga, Antoni Hardonk, Heath Herring, Cheick Kongo, Brock Lesnar, Justin McCully, Frank Mir, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Eddie Sanchez, Tim Sylvia, Cain Velasquez, Brandon Vera (LHW) and Fabricio Werdum

Light heavyweights: Houston Alexander, Ryan Bader (downloadable character available exclusively through GameStop), Tim Boetsch, Stephan Bonnar, Rashad Evans, Wilson Gouveia (MW), Forrest Griffin, James Irvin, Quinton Jackson, Keith Jardine, Chuck Liddell, Lyoto Machida, Kazuhiro Nakamura, Tito Ortiz, Mauricio "Shogun" Rua, Thiago Silva and Wanderlei Silva

Middleweights: Ricardo Almeida, Michael Bisping (LHW), Kendall Grove, Rich Franklin (LHW), Dan Henderson (LHW), Martin Kampmann (WW), Chris Leben, Thales Leites, Jason MacDonald, Demian Maia, Nate Marquardt, Drew McFedries, Yushin Okami, Amir Sadollah (WW), Anderson Silva (LHW) and Evan Tanner

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Sengoku: Seventh Battle — Quick Results

Sengoku 7 poster Japan MMA
(Props: FightTrend)

- Muhammed Lawal def. Ryo Kawamura via unanimous decision
- Hatsu Hioki def. Chris Manuel via submission (armbar), 4:12 of round 1
- Nam Phan def. Hideki Kadowaki via TKO, 3:09 of round 1
- Jim York def. James Thompson via KO, 4:33 of round 1
- Michihiro Omigawa def. L.C. Davis via unanimous decision
- Marlon Sandro def. Matt Jaggers via submission (arm-triangle choke), 2:57 of round 2
- Masanori Kanehara def. Jong Man Kim via unanimous decision
- Chan Sung Jung def. Shintaro Ishiwatari via submission (rear-naked choke), 4:29 of round 1
- Ronnie Mann def. Tetsuya Yamada via unanimous decision
- Nick Denis def. Seiya Kawahara via TKO, 2:36 of round 1

Notes:

— King Mo was yellow-carded in the second-round for poking Kawamura in the eye twice. He dominated the fight with his takedowns; one judge scored the fight 30-24 for Lawal.

— The second-highest-ranked featherweight in the tournament, L.C. Davis, lost to the fighter with the worst record. Yes, we’ll be updating that Power Rankings page soon. Red-hot prospects Marlon Sandro and Ronnie Mann may have a spot on it shortly.

— The night’s other notable upset belonged to Nam Phan, a middling lightweight who dropped a weight class to be in the tournament and wound up knocking out former Shooto champ and top-15 featherweight Hideki Kadowaki.

James Thompson went back to doing what he does best: Getting KTFO’d. His traditional fight-opening gong-and-dash nearly sent him flying out of the ring.

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Things to Do While You Wait For Tonight’s Sengoku Event


(Worth it just for the introductions.)

Sengoku 7 is popping off tonight live on HDNet at 3 am EST.  Sure, you could DVR it and get some sleep instead of staying up to watch it live, but wouldn’t that only make the people at HDNet feel like they made the right decision by not showing the last Dream event live?  I don’t know about you, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s allowing others to feel as if they’ve done the right thing.

That’s why I’m staying up to watch it.  Maybe that means I’ll be a mess tomorrow, but the way I see it the quality of my work is already so poor, who’s going to notice?  Here are some things you can do while you’re waiting for tonight’s broadcast and fighting off the powerful forces of sleep:

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Oh Yeah, This Is Going To Happen


(Via Dreamofficial.com)

Need a reason to continue living until April 5?  How about Dream 8, which will feature the rematch between crazy-talking, tights-wearing submissions wiz Shinya Aoki, and amateur porn star Hayato "Mach" Sakurai.  It has now been officially announced.  So step in off that ledge (we knew you weren’t going to jump anyway, you pansy) and get through the next couple of weeks.  You will be rewarded with what should be one hell of a fight.

If you need help passing the time, watch what happens when dudes try to get funny with Aoki on their back.  It’s not funny ‘ha-ha,’ more like funny ‘you’re a moron.’

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Video: Would-Be Ring Girls Shake Asses for $500

Watch MMA Fix Presents MMA Ring Girl Search 2! on RawVegas.tv

Oh, these “ring girl searches.”  Just related enough to the sport of MMA for us to have an excuse for posting them.  I really like Dave Farra’s interview style, because he manages to say things like “Maybe you should go with the ass-shaking thing again, because that worked pretty well last time,” and yet somehow he does not come off sounding like a jerk or a perv, like I would if I said that to a girl in a club.

Seriously though, why do they always ask these girls what they know about MMA?  Are we supposed to be disappointed when a wanna-be ring girl can’t even name an MMA fighter?  Because I’m not.  Nor am I surprised.  I am, however, endlessly amused by the girl who says she likes Randy Couture before blowing a kiss to him (assuming that he’s at home watching Raw Vegas videos on his computer, of course).  When Dave informs her that he’s married to a woman who can also fight a little bit, she responds, “Well then I guess I’ll have to wait.”

I’ll let you guys debate whether that woman has failed to grasp the concept of marriage, or whether she actually knows enough about Couture’s personal history for that to be a somewhat intelligent statement.

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BJ Penn to Possibly Form Cult, Lead Unholy Army of Martial Arts Instructors

BJ Penn MMA UFC Live Like a Champion
("Child-brides welcome!")

Just because you’re a martial arts master who’s been teaching a specific fighting style for years, it doesn’t mean you can’t learn a lot from BJ Penn. In fact, Penn would like to help 300 hand-picked martial arts instructors improve their minds, bodies, and spirits through a year-long training camp in Hawaii called "The Live Like a Champion Project." (The press release is after the jump, in case you don’t feel like clicking on that link.) This is troubling for a number of reasons:

1) So basically, the Prodigy is luring the world’s most skilled fighters to an extended stay at his shadowy island fortress. Yes, that’s the exact plot of Enter the Dragon.

2) It’s such a perfect expression of BJ’s hubris. Penn has gained fame as a brilliant fighter, but he’s not really known as a talented teacher. (Sorry, Rude Boy, it’s not your fault.) Yet he feels he’s qualified to tell hundreds of instructors how to do their jobs. Particularly, he aims to train the minds of these people. The irony of a blood-licking crybaby obsessive holding seminars on inner tranquility is apparently lost on him.

3) The fact that the program requires its participants to spend a full year in Hawaii will generally attract men without families, who have no problem quitting their paying job and living off the food and shelter that Penn gives them — in other words, disturbed loners who will be easily influenced by the Jim Jones-like sway of BJ. Okay fine, I’ll spell it out for you: BJ Penn is obviously trying to start his own cult. Check out his Christ-like pose in the above image. You wouldn’t drink cyanide-laced coconut milk for this man? Of course, before the mass suicides, the Penntown 300 could be sent on revenge missions against Georges St. Pierre and Keith Kizer. Far-fetched? Maybe. But don’t say you haven’t been warned.

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Famous Last Words: The Video


(Props: TheGarv)

My goodness, Bobby Lashley is one large man. And Jason Guida is one brave/stupid one. You get the feeling that as a child, Guida would entertain himself by throwing rocks at wasps’ nests, because "wasps ain’t shit." Anyway, feel free to skip to the faceoff at the 3:08 mark, which leads to a nice little face-shove by Lashley at 3:59. It’s almost worth shelling out the $29.95 to see this one on pay-per-view — and definitely worth watching it on the Internet for free the next morning.

Also: Jeff Monson, who will be fighting Roy Nelson on Saturday night, couldn’t make it to yesterday’s "March Badness" press conference because he was involved in a minor car accident. (Ex-girlfriend cut his brake lines, maybe?) In the video after the jump, we see that even his own team is tired of his bullshit at this point.

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MMA = Good, High School Cagefighting as Punishment = Bad


(I don’t like that smirk on your face, four-eyes.  You.  Me.  Cage.  Now.)

With every good idea, there always have to be some idiots who come along and screw it up for everyone.  The Greeks go and invent democracy, and then a few thousand years later "American Idol" pops up and demonstrates its flaws. 

Former principal Donald Moten and the jerks at South Oak Cliff High School in Dallas, Texas are the latest to mess up a beautiful concept, since they decided that it would be a good idea to put problem students in a cage and make them fight it out bare-fisted to settle disputes.  And they actually thought they wouldn’t get in a world of trouble for this, somehow.  Christ, even the warden in “Cool Hand Luke” gave the guys boxing gloves.

Thanks to barstoolsports (via Doyle) we were turned on to this story in the Dallas Morning News, which cites reports of two years worth of totally illegal and unethical fights:

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Videos: B.J. Penn Asks You To Look At Yourself, More King Mo in Japan


(Props: Cage Writer)

So you want B.J. Penn to stop his courageous fight for truth, justice, and a no contest?  That probably means you’re a bad person who hates MMA.  Bummer.  Penn continues to frame this as a crusade to clean up the sport, which would be great.  But odds are the UFC is still not going to give him that "fair fight" rematch he wants.  And maybe he should be thankful for that.

(From All Elbows, via Fightlinker)

King Mo tries to entertain himself while he waits for his Sengoku bout.  I have to admit that it’s refreshing to see how much pleasure he gets out of old episodes of “Martin,” but when he starts telling the Japanese media how much he loved pro wrestling as a kid and mentions both The Ultimate Warrior and “Ravishing” Rick Rude as favorites, that’s where I get suspicious.  How can you like both guys, Mo?  Don’t you know they were mortal enemies?!  Just ask Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.  He’ll tell you.

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