Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

April, 2009

The Ultimate Fighter 9.4 Recap: “1, 2, 3, F**k ‘Em!”

TUF 9.4: Nick Osipczak KOs Mark Miller – Watch more Funny Videos
(Nick Osipczak puts Team U.K. on the board with his head-kick knockout of Mark Miller. Cheerio, bitches.)

In the battle of personal property defacement, Team U.S. is routing the Brits by a score of 2-0 — if only they could be that dominant in the Octagon. Last night’s episode of TUF 9 featured the show’s first quarterfinal match, with well-rounded beanpole Nick Osipczak drawing first blood for Team U.K., thanks to a highlight-reel knockout of the much scarier-looking Mark Miller.

The episode opened with the coaches introducing us to their assistants. Michael Bisping has flown in his own trainers at Wolfslair — Mario "Sucata" Neto (wrestling/submissions) and Dave Jackson (striking) — who will now be acting as his helpers. Dan Henderson is rolling a little deeper with Heath Sims (wrestling), Cyrille Diabate (Muay Thai), Ricardo Feliciano (jiu-jitsu), and Gustavo Pugliese (boxing).

Team U.S. is at a disadvantage because they just had to go through their elimination fights; Team U.K.’s took place two weeks prior. Hendo chooses the relatively unscathed welterweight Mark Miller to represent the Americans first against Nick Osipczak, who didn’t look like much in his elimination match against Tommy Maguire. "One to us," Bisping says of the pick.


Quick Hits: White on Liddell, Fedor to Grapple Aoki, + More

Dana White Paris Hilton UFC
(When he told her it was time to retire and give up the game for good, a tearful Paris Hilton told Dana: "But I am the game!" Only then did he fully understand the devils of fame and the ransom they demand. True story.)

- UFC president Dana White talked with Inside Fighting about the disappointing main event at UFC 97, and he also reiterated his commitment to keeping Chuck Liddell firmly in retirement, saying, “Believe me, it will be a fucking war if he tries not to retire, believe me.”  When pressed on other rapidly aging fighters who might need to be nudged into retirement, White admitted that Wanderlei Silva and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira “are right there too and yes, I will pull the trigger on them too.”  Dear God, he’s not going to kill them, is he?!

- A crazy rumor on the information superhighway says that Fedor Emelianenko and Shinya Aoki will square off against each other in a special grappling match at the “Deep M-1 Challenge 3rd Edition” in Japan on April 29th.  I’ll pause a moment and let that one sink in.  If true this would be completely insane, but to deny that we would totally want to see it would be to deny the very curiosity of the spirit that makes us human, and we aren’t about to do that.


Videos: Thiago Alves, Kim Couture, & Howard Davis Jr.

(Props: MMA Opinion)

Is there any fighter who more closely resembles the animal for which he is nicknamed than Thiago "The Pitbull" Alves?  Just looking at his face makes me want to lock the door and call Animal Control.  He says in this video that he’s been working out at Wanderlei Silva’s new gym/daycare center in Las Vegas, and plans to return there the week before his title fight with Georges St. Pierre at UFC 100 to get his weight right.  Alves has had some weight issues in the past, and with a title fight he won’t get that extra pound allowance so he’d better be on point.  Something tells me that screwing up a title fight at UFC 100 would be a murderable offense in Dana White’s eyes.

Raw Vegas went by Xtreme Couture to talk with Kim Couture about her upcoming bout.  Am I the only one not buying it at all when she claims to be blissfully unaware of the criticism that suggests she’s only getting these opportunities because of who she’s married to?  Even if she doesn’t "go on the computer," the idea must have occurred to her that it’s not solely her 1-1 pro record that’s landing her on Strikeforce cards.  Whatever you think of Couture though, it’s nice to see a woman fighter slam "Cyborg" Santos’ woman trouble excuse.  It just doesn’t have the same force when we do it, for some reason.

After the jump, American Top Team boxing coach Howard Davis Jr. takes it to the gloves and shows us the hand speed.


Miguel Torres to Throw Out First Pitch for White Sox on 5/6

Miguel Torres WEC MMA
(That’s what you get for rushing the mound, Manny. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

Revered by Chicago-area MMA fans as a hometown hero, WEC bantamweight champ/East Chicago native Miguel Torres will take a big step up in public visibility when he throws out the ceremonial first pitch for the White Sox vs. Detroit Tigers game at U.S. Cellular Field on Wednesday, May 6th. As reports:

Though he’ll be throwing out the first pitch likely in front of tens of thousands of fans, Torres said there won’t be any nerves — despite the best attempts from friends to give him some jitters.
"All my buddies are already makin’ fun of me," Torres said. "They’re like, ‘Dude, you’re not gonna make it (to home plate)!’ or ‘You’re gonna look like a punk!’ They’re all trying to mess with me, trying to scare me. But I think I’ll be good…
It’s not just an honor — it’s huge as far as fighters being recognized to be invited to do something like this. Especially (for me) fighting at 135 pounds — for the WEC, it’s a huge thing."

Hopefully Miguel will be able to resist the urge to aim for the head. The 135-pound king will next defend his title against Brian Bowles this summer. Though we can’t imagine a better ambassador for the sport than Torres, his new poster-boy status is already weighing on him. As he explained in a recent interview for


OMFG: Affliction’s Tom Atencio to Return to the Cage in Lashley/Sapp Undercard

Tom Atencio Dana White MMA Affliction
(He’s not kidding, Dana — tap or nap. Photo courtesy of MMA Mania.)

He might be a "t-shirt guy," but Affliction VP Tom Atencio has enough balls to actually compete in the sport that he promotes. According to MMA Fanhouse, Atencio will be fighting on the supporting card of the June 27th MMA event at the Mississippi Gulf Coast Coliseum in Biloxi that will be headlined by Bobby Lashley vs. Bob Sapp. Another heavyweight match between Pedro Rizzo and Gilbert Yvel has also been booked. Said Atencio on his decision to get out from behind his desk and strap on the gloves:

"I love this sport and I am not a wannabe. I’ve fought before and I have respect for anyone who steps into the ring win, lose or draw. They’re doing something that most of the world will never do."

No, Atencio’s fight won’t be a celebrity MMA bout against arch-nemesis Dana White (who could smash Ricardo Arona, by the way). He’ll be taking on a yet-unnamed lightweight, probably at a weight of 160 pounds: "Not sure I can make 155 at 42 years old."

While we give huge props to Tom for the effort, we can’t help reading into what this means for Affliction as an MMA promotion. It can’t be a great sign when their main promoter and two of their heavyweights are planning on keeping busy with other endeavors for the month of June. When asked why he wouldn’t be fighting under the Affliction banner, all Atencio would say is "They don’t think it’s right for me to fight for my own event." (They?) Still no word on when/where Affliction’s third event will be held, if they are indeed having one, but we’ll keep you posted.


Alistair Overeem Eats Horses on Purpose

(‘Oh no you didn’t, Alistair. And to think I cheered for you against Cro Cop.’)

It’s not quite as bad as Lyoto Machida admitting to drinking his own urine every single morning, but Alistair Overeem seems to have some unusual dietary issues all his own.  In a recent interview translated by Robert K, Overeem said he’s changed everything about his life, from his girlfriend to his coach to his diet.  Now he lives mainly on “horse meat, rice, and protein shakes.”  And here you thought your dog was the only one on an equine-centric diet.

Turns out that eating horse meat is popular in certain parts of the globe that are not called the United States (the Mongolians even make a horse milk wine, so there).  According to the always informative Wikipedia:

“Horse meat contains 20% more protein than high quality beef cuts, 25% less fat, nearly 20% less sodium, double the iron and less cholesterol. When compared to ground beef, horsemeat has 55% more protein, 25% less fat, 30% less cholesterol and 27% less sodium.”

That sounds all right, if you can get past the fact that you’re eating a freaking horse.  I guess there’s no real reason, aside from the psychological ones, that it should be any weirder than eating, say, a cow.  And look what it’s done for Overeem’s physique!

Wait a minute, you thinking what I’m thinking?  All that speculation about how Overeem managed to go from a tall, kind of skinny light heavyweight to a bulky beast of a heavyweight centered on the theory that he was injecting something.  But maybe it’s the horses who have been injecting something.  You know, in their desire to get huge, floss, and get mares.  It all makes sense now.  And you know those horses are always outside tanning and stuff.  They really are the Phil Baroni’s of the animal kingdom.


Kyle Maynard Knows What the Hell He’s Doing When It Comes to MMA

Kyle Maynard MMA Fight

A while back we told you that Kyle Maynard, the congenital amputee who wrestled at the University of Georgia, was planning to make his pro MMA debut at a small show in Alabama.  Well, that’s happening this weekend, and not everyone is happy about it.  Columnist Brad Zimanek for the Montgomery Advertiser refers to Maynard’s impending debut as “a freak show,” insisting that MMA fights are “basically no-holds barred combat” and the only people buying tickets to this thing are those who want to see “how badly Maynard gets beat up.”

Clearly, anyone who thinks Maynard’s fight is a freak show needs to watch Bob Sapp fight cartoon characters and learn what a real freak show looks like. Maynard may get beat up on Saturday night.  That’s a possibility, given that this is a fight he’s going into.  But isn’t that his choice to make?  There probably weren’t a lot of people who thought he could wrestle at the college level, but that didn’t mean college wrestling became a freak show the moment Maynard got on the mat.


Phil Baroni = The Truth

(Still the best eva. Props: Genghis Con)

From a recent interview with the New York Bad Ass:

NS: If you could fight any celebrity, past or present, who would it be and why?
PB: I don’t fucking know, I don’t give a shit.
NS: Besides pork fried rice, what else do you like to eat?
PB: Pussy.
NS: Are you still training with Hammer House? If so, are you going to corner Mark Coleman again in UFC 100?
PB: If he asks me to corner him, I will. He always corners me when I ask him to. We never train together, none of us Hammer House guys. The Hammer House is Coleman’s porch. It has a punching bag on it. I’ve never been to Coleman’s house. I think Randleman stole his punching bag by the way. So there isn’t much of a reason for me to go.
NS: Are you a nerd at heart, like play video games or read comics?
PB: Fuck no. I hate that shit with a passion. I think it’s gay as fuck and a waste of time.
NS: Do you have any advice for the nerds on how to get girls?
PB: Do steroids, lift heavy weights, get contacts, go tanning. And stop playing all those gay fucking video games. You can’t get pussy in front of a TV playing games with your geeky friends. Go out to night clubs and bars, hit the beach. If you got money, floss. Whatever you do, don’t be yourself.

Hear that, nerds? Be more like this guy. You can read the rest of this illuminating interview here. Baroni takes on Joe Riggs at Strikeforce: Lawler vs. Shields on June 6th.


Question of the Day: Can You Choke a Zombie?

Kanehara MMA Zombie choke
(Props: Nightmare of Battle)

Masanori Kanehara thinks you can, and at his open workout in Tokyo he told media members that that’s how he intends to beat Chan Sung Jung, also known as “The Korean Zombie,” (that’s who he’s supposedly preparing for in the above photo, but man what a cheap zombie mask) in the Sengoku featherweight Grand Prix.  Conventional wisdom has always held that the best way to deal with a zombie is by destroying the brain or removing the head, preferably by doing something awesome/gruesome.  

But the rear naked choke?  I guess that could work, though your risk of getting bitten while sinking in the choke seems pretty high.  Still better than an armbar or guillotine choke, though.  And don’t even think about trying to heelhook one of those suckers.

Basically, to sum up: if there is a zombie attack and you are forced to choose which MMA fighter to team up with until the whole thing blows over, Demian Maia is probably not your safest pick.  Your first instinct might be to go with Fedor Emelianenko, but lest you forget, he’s lived with some fear issues when it comes to darkness.  Something to think about.

On a related note, the zombie embodies man’s fear of the crushing force of society and conformity.  Discuss.


“Rampage” Jackson To Try and Get That Belt Back in August?

If we can believe half of the rumors we hear, this is going to be a busy summer for UFC champs.  According to Fighters Only, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is slated to get a shot at whoever has the belt around his waist after Rashad Evans and Lyoto Machida go at it at UFC 98.  That fight is tentatively scheduled for August, perhaps even at UFC 102, the event still shrouded in mystery and speculation.  

If that’s the case, that would put it a mere three months after the Evans/Machida clash.  As you clever devils no doubt recall, Evans balked at fighting at UFC 96 in March because he’d just fought at UFC 92 in December, so you know he’s no fan of the quick turnaround.  Plus, there’s the injury factor to consider.  If Machida wins chances are he will have sustained no damage in the fight, since he can probably count the number of times he’s actually been punched in the face.  But if Evans wins it’s kind of a lot to ask for him to defend his title again three months later.

This is exactly why you need to save your sick days at your job.  No one’s going to believe it when you call in and tell them you came down with a bad case of shingles an hour before you’re supposed to work a double.  Trust me.