(This is the point where I may have uttered, ‘Oh no.’ Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

It was not a bad night for the Gambling Addiction Enabler.  If not for Jorge Rivera pulling out a decision victory over Nissen Osterneck, it would have been absolutely perfect.  Alas, it wasn’t to be, though I can’t really complain.

The Bet: $20 on Martin Kampmann at -120
The Result: Won $16.67
Thoughts: I’ll admit it, when it came time for the judges’ decision to be announced and I heard the phrase “Judge Cecil Peoples scores the bout…” I was prepared to see my money go swirling down the drain.  Thankfully there were two sane men at Octagonside, so justice prevailed.  And like Thomas Jefferson said, “The best brand of justice is that which pays cash money, dog.”

(Carlos Condit vs. Martin Kampmann)

Last night’s "Condit vs. Kampmann" card brought in a live gate of $626,077, thanks to its 10,267 spectators — which made it the most well-attended Fight Night show in UFC history. $120,000 was re-distributed to the fighters in the form of $30,000 end-of-night bonuses. Taking home the extra cash were…

Fight of the Night: Tyson Griffin and Rafael Dos Anjos, as mentioned earlier. Don’t ask us why their sloppy slugfest got the nod over the technical back-and-forth battle of the main event.

Knockout of the Night: Aaron Simpson’s first-round stoppage of Tim McKenzie in the night’s opening bout turned out to be the only TKO on the card, so he scored the bonus by default.

Submission of the Night: Rob Kimmons earned the bump with his first-round guillotine choke victory over Joe Vedepo, which put Vedepo to sleep for the second time in his short UFC career. It was nice knowing you, buddy.

More videos from the main card after the jump…

("Josh, bro, you ever look at your hands? I mean really *look* at them? It’s like, why do we have five fingers anyway? Who decided that? It would be cool if I had six, but I’d probably be able to get by with just four. Or like, why is there a thumb on only *one* side of your hand. I feel like I’d be able to get more done with two thumbs on each hand. Do you ever watch ‘Fringe’? Great fuckin’ show." Photo courtesy of MixedMartialArts.com.)

With less than two weeks to go before Strikeforce returns to action on Showtime, the second-biggest fight on the "Shamrock vs. Diaz" card (April 11th, San Jose) has been scratched from the lineup. Strikeforce announced last night that lightweight champion Josh Thomson broke his left leg above the ankle while sparring with Billy Evangelista yesterday, and will not be having his rematch with Gilbert Melendez next Saturday. Said Thomson:

Strikeforce is searching for a late replacement for Melendez so that the former champ can still compete on the card. Tough break (literally) for Thomson, but on the bright side, we didn’t want to see him fight Melendez again anyway. Their first meeting last June saw Thomson  dominate Melendez with his striking for all 25 minutes of the match; El Nino was never really in the game. And Melendez hasn’t fought anybody since then, so it’s not like he’s legitimately earned another crack at the champ. We’ll keep you posted on the random-ass opponent they scare up for him. The full lineup for "Shamrock vs. Diaz" can be seen here.

In other news…

Dana Whites Fight Night 18 video blog – Watch more free videos

…it isn’t going away so easily, not even after the UFC took it off YouTube.  For one, it’s still up elsewhere, such as Break, and for another, word has spread.  The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (known commonly as GLAAD) has denounced White’s use of the word “faggots” to describe the anonymous sources in Loretta Hunt’s article, and they’re calling on him to apologize publicly.

In the MMA blogosphere, MMA Payout wonders aloud whether sponsors like Bud Light and Harley-Davidson really want to be associated with that rant, and Cage Writer’s Maggie Hendricks reminds everyone that women also watch (and cover) the UFC, and generally don’t really like to hear men calling other women bitches.

(‘No, you let go!’ Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly)

Who’s up and who’s down on this Thursday morning?  Only The Potato Index knows.  Gather ‘round and listen closely as it whispers the answers to you via its arbitrary numerical ratings system.  Shhh, it’s starting…

Martin Kampmann +91

The Dane justified every positive thing that’s been said about him in the past week.  He proved to be well-rounded, resilient, and effective, even if he looked a little gassed in the final round.  If he improves his wrestling skills he could be a contender at 170 pounds.  You can argue the decision if you want, but the only judge who didn’t score it in his favor was Cecil Peoples.  What does that tell you?

Carlos Condit -34

No one wants to debut in the UFC with a loss, but it’s not like he got trampled by some nobody.  Condit acquitted himself well even in defeat, and once he gets a little more comfortable in the UFC he might prove to be a real threat.  He’s going to have to start near the bottom, though.

The Ultimate Fighter: U.S. vs. U.K., episode 1 highlights – Watch more free videos
(Last night’s stoppages, not including David Faulkner’s heel-hook on James Bateman, because my DVR cut off before the last fight. Fuck a Time Warner Cable.)

The Ultimate Fighter: U.S. vs. U.K. kicked off last night with the elimination matches at Wolfslair Academy, where 16 British TUF hopefuls were whittled down to four lightweights and four welterweights. Here’s how the fights panned out…

Andre Winner (LW) def. Gary Kelly via KO, round 1

Jeff Lawson (LW) def. James Bryan via armbar, round 1

James Wilks (WW) def. Che Mills via heel-hook, round 1

Martin Stapleton (LW) def. Dan James via rear-naked choke, round 1

Ross Pearson (LW) def. A.J. Wenn via TKO, round 2

Nick Osipczak (WW) def. Tommy Maguire via TKO, round 1

Dean Amasinger (WW) def. Alex Reid via decision, round 3

David Faulkner (WW) def. James Bateman via heel-hook, round 1

Notes…

#1: Chris Clements vs. Lautaro Tucas @ TKO 25 (5/5/06), 3 seconds

Just two days after Norifumi Yamamoto thrilled a Tokyo crowd with his four-second flying-knee KO against Kazuyuki Miyata, an eerily similar knockout took place in Montreal. Except this time, it was the dude sprinting across the ring who got himself KTFO — and in only three seconds, making this the fastest MMA knockout ever. We can only assume that Lautaro Tucas watched the Yamamoto/Miyata fight and thought, “Hey, I bet I could do that too.” But Chris Clements saw it coming, and stepped in with a sledgehammer right hook just as Tucas was leaving the ground. Tucas’s lifeless body flopped into the ropes, upon which Clements slugged him in the head three times. Awesome. Fun fact: Tucas never fought again after that night. We’re not sure if that’s because he switched to a less painful profession, or because he committed seppuku to make up for the shame he caused his family, but either way, it had to be done.

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO…

(Being around all these skinny guys just made Dana want to gorge on buffalo wings even more. Photo courtesy of this set on CombatLifestyle.)

One of the many advantages of living on the East Coast is that these UFC Fight Night thingies are actually broadcast live for us. That may not be the case for some of you in the "flyover states," so check your local listings and maybe come back later if you want to avoid all spoilers. When you’re ready, hit that "Read More" link and refresh the page every few minutes for live updates from the Sommet Center in Nashville. Are you ready to see some local refs ruin some fights? Then let’s DO this!

(What an interesting range of emotions in this photo.  Courtesy UFC.com.)

The "may not be broadcast" portion of undercard went down already in Nashville for tonight’s UFC Fight Night: Condit vs. Kampmann event.  Results are after the jump, so only click if you want to spoil it for yourself.  You’ve been warned…

Dana Whites Fight Night 18 video blog – Watch more free videos

Ho. Lee. Shit. Dana White is upset with Sherdog’s Loretta Hunt.  Like, really upset.  So much so that he spends the final three minutes of his Fight Night 18 video blog bashing her with language that would make Nixon blush.  Not that it’s surprising to hear the UFC prez throw around a handful of f-bombs (though it’s kind of funny since he just warned tonight’s fighters against swearing on Spike TV), but to hear him call a female reporter a bitch…wow.  If his mother is anything like mine, there’s going to be a very stern voicemail message on his phone tonight.

Apparently Hunt’s article about some managers being stripped of backstage credentials really touched a nerve.  White says it’s all crap and offers an explanation for why this is a non-story, while also pausing to go off on a tangent about Hunt’s comments in that Matt Lindland documentary.  Clearly some old hurts are rising to the surface here.  You can’t keep those feelings bottled up forever.  It isn’t healthy.

I don’t know if all this means we should pay more attention to the allegations in the article (made by anonymous sources, who are apparently pussies for not wanting to bring the Danawrath upon themselves) or less, but either way it’s kind of a bizarre accomplishment to get your name mentioned so much in one of D.W.’s video blogs.  Kind of like getting punked in a Jay-Z song.  At least people know who you are afterwards, right Prodigy?

(Props: MMA Weekly)

Good news for Ultimate Fighter fans who have become increasingly turned off by the idiotic antics in the TUF house — and bad news for those who hoped that maybe this could be the season when the reality show savages literally burn the house to the ground. From MMA Weekly:

So nobody gets threatened with eviction for fighting or glass-throwing. (Pussies!) But don’t worry, because the show will still bring drama in other ways:

Be honest, Dana: Does Bisping stick Henderson’s toothbrush up his own ass and take a picture of it, or is it the other way around?

It’s weird, because there was a time when Americans and Brits were allies; now we fucking hate each other, apparently. Oh well. Get ready to root against those snaggle-toothed chavs tonight starting at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

(Props: AllElbows via Fightlinker)

We haven’t thought much about bare-knuckle backyard brawlin’ since Kimbo Slice stepped up to the big leagues. Yet the Miami yard-fighting scene appears to be flourishing, with a new ringleader named DADA. Above is the trailer for Dawg Fights, a documentary from the creators of Cocaine Cowboys that takes a look at unregulated ghetto-vale-tudo. Aside from one rear-naked-choke attempt, you’re not going to find much technique in the fight clips, but it’s not really about that. Can wild haymakers in a 12-foot-square ring heal a hurting nation?

Below: In part two of "The Year of the Mo," Muhammed Lawal explains that his fighting urge comes primarily from a childhood that one could politely describe as "shitty." Lawal, now 4-0 in Sengoku, will unfortunately be out of action for about three months while he rehabs a torn ACL.

(Props: AllElbows via BloodyElbow)

(‘Gotcha, motherfucker!’)

Okay, I take back what I said about April Fool’s pranks being lame.  The UFC – an organization not typically known for its sense of humor – has the best joke of the day so far, and it’s really as simple as this headline on UFC.com: “UFC Greenlights Construction of Russian Stadium.”

Get it?  Because Fedor Emelianenko’s management team allegedly wanted the UFC to build a stadium in Russia as part of their completely unrealistic contract demands?  And so now the UFC is openly mocking those demands simply by pretending to have agreed to them, thus pointing out that they are so ridiculous as to be comical all on their own, while at the same time pretty much eliminating any chance of reconciling with Fedor and bringing him to the UFC!  April Fool’s!

It is at this point that I have to wonder whether Fedor and the boys down at Crazy Russian Management Group, LLC (also an organization not known for its sense of humor) are going to get this joke.  In all the Yakov Smirnoff routines, I don’t recall anything about how April Fool’s Day is different in Soviet Russia, which is weird because he must have covered every other conceivable topic but that one.  

(‘Just ignore him.  He’s trying to get a reaction out of us. Let’s not give him the satisfac…dammit, I looked. Now I’m confused about everything.’ Photo courtesy of Promma.)

Today is a very special day.  No, not because of some lame April Fool’s pranks, but because we get to break up the soul-sucking monotony of the week with an evening of free fights (which we’ll be liveblogging, of course) followed by the premiere of a new season of "The Ultimate Fighter" that’s hell bent on re-fighting the Revolutionary War (and guess who won that son of a bitch).  In the latest edition of Ben vs. Ben we debate the merits of the show, tonight’s fight card, and so much more.  Enjoy.

Besides the main event, which fight are you most looking forward to at UFC Fight Night: Condit vs. Kampmann?

BG: Call me a TUF rube, but I’m really curious to see how Junie Browning does against Cole Miller. On paper, Miller subs out the Lunatic even worse than Efrain Escudero did. But who knows? The Junie we saw on the last season of The Ultimate Fighter was a guy who didn’t come from reputable camp, didn’t concern himself with cardio training, and acted like a psycho for the benefit of the cameras. Feel free to still hate him, but he’s really not the same guy anymore. He’s woodshedding at Xtreme Couture these days, and he beat the living piss out of Dave Kaplan in his last outing. Judging from recent interviews, you get the sense that Miller is writing Browning off as a joke, in the same way that many fans are. That could turn out to be a really bad idea.

BF: You freaking TUF rube, you.  Okay, I’ll admit to a certain level of curiosity about the Miller/Browning fight, particularly since Miller has taken to insisting that Junie is the worst fighter this side of Allen Berube.  But I don’t really feel like it’s going to be the best or most interesting fight.

(Shaolin’s fateful match against JZ, K-1 Hero’s Tournament Final, 9/17/07)

Former top ten lightweight Vitor "Shaolin" Ribeiro hasn’t competed since September 2007, when he suffered a detached retina during a fight against Gesias Cavalcante. ("It seemed like my eye was inside my head," he told Sherdog. "The pain was unbearable.") And though rumors of his return have swirled since last year, it looks like it’s finally happening — for real this time. DREAM has added a bout between Ribeiro and Olympic silver medalist Katsuhiko Nagata to Sunday’s DREAM 8 card, bolstering that event’s weak-sauce lineup.

Ribeiro, who holds notable career victories over Tatsuya Kawajiri, Joachim Hansen, and Mitsuhiro Ishida, spent his time off opening a gym in New York City called Modern Martial Arts. Unless his skills have deteriorated significantly in his hiatus, he should have no problem dispatching Nagata, who has gone 1-3-1 in his last five fights. Video of Ribeiro kicking Ryuki Ueyama’s ass in March 2007 is after the jump.

#2: Norifumi Yamamoto vs. Kazuyuki Miyata @ K-1 Hero’s 5 (5/3/06), 4 seconds

Though the official time of the stoppage was 0:04 into round 1, that seems more like a generous estimate than an exact measurement. Kid Yamamoto takes a Rickey Henderson-style leadoff before the fight even starts, and dives knee-first into the hapless Kazuyuki Miyata’s face. Miyata clearly hadn’t trained for this scenario, but as he’d find out, ducking into the blow is not the most effective defense. The stunning flying-knee KO was Yamamoto’s 11th-straight win, his ninth-straight win by stoppage, and the fastest knockout in MMA history to that point. Unfortunately, his record wouldn’t last long…

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO