Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

May, 2009

How Not to Video Blog, by B.J. Penn and Mark Pavelich

Everybody wants to video blog these days.  From Dana White to the hipster grifter, people all over the world have awakened to the power of pointing a camera at their own face while they do/say things.  But dammit, there is a right way and a wrong way to do this.  What you see B.J. Penn doing up there is the wrong way.  Why?  Because he’s just standing in front of the camera with the ocean as his background, talking for a minute and a half.  Again we hear about Marv Marinovich’s revolutionary training methods, and again we see none of it. 

Here’s the question you have to ask yourself when you video blog: am I doing anything here that could not be done in a really long voicemail message?  If the answer is no, it’s time to rethink your approach.  If the answer is yes, but only because you go on for way too long, then you are Mark Pavelich.  You’ll see what I mean after the jump.

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Even on Twitter, Dana White Is Kind of Abrasive

Dana White UFC Twitter
Reed Harris Twitter WEC
Yet another example of how Dana White’s personal style is different than that of other sports team/league owners: Here are the most recent Twitter updates from Dana White (yes, he has a personal account separate from the UFC’s official feed) and WEC general manager Reed Harris. Reed’s could have been written by any middle-aged father, while Dana’s could have been written by any tit-groping frat boy. And while most UFC fans don’t have a problem with that, several sports journalists have called Dana’s immature, hostile persona into question recently.

Tonight’s episode of ESPN E:60 (7 p.m.) delves deeper into the issue — who is this wild-ass motherfucker, and would the UFC be better off with an actual grown-up in charge? If you missed the preview, click here. And check out another excerpt from the show after the jump, where Dana lays into Tito Ortiz for being his first business mistake, and Tito claims he’s fought "some of the best world in the men…and beat ‘em!" Seriously.

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Keith Jardine Needs to Fire His Agent


(Right. You tweak your nipples, but *that’s* weird.)

If Keith Jardine is trying to use MMA as a springboard to an acting career, I ain’t mad at him. But making ultra-short cameos in awful-looking movies is a strange way to go about it. As IMDb informs us, Jardine’s first make-believe role was as "Jay Boy Simpson" in a cringeworthy Toby Keith vehicle called Beer for my Horses. (If you can find a clip of the Dean of Mean’s scene, please let us know.) Then, he continued his assault on Hollywood with a seven-second appearance in Crank: High Voltage, which we’ve posted above. It probably would have been better for his personal brand if Statham said "Never better, UFC fighter Keith Jardine. Now where can I buy that eye-catching t-shirt?" But you take what you can get, I suppose.

Anyway, if you thought those roles were impressive, just wait until you see Keith firing a machine gun for half-a-second in the trailer for Gamer

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If Jose Canseco Can Do It, Why Not These Guys?

Jose Canseco
(‘I solemnly swear to kick some Korean giant ass.’)

If you’re anything like us, only now have you finally stopped LOL-ing about Jose Canseco’s ridiculous involvement in the upcoming Dream “Super Hulk” tournament.  Not only is it a completely ‘tarded idea for a former pro athlete who is universally despised in his own sport to try and jump into MMA to make a quick buck, but he’s doing so against Hong Man Choi, just in case it wasn’t enough of a freak show already.  But that got us thinking, if Canseco can do it, why not other disgraced pro athletes?

Here’s a few we wouldn’t mind seeing in a Japanese free-for-all, shit-show of an event.

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Videos: Arlovski’s Dance Crew, Fight Photographer Talks Ring Girls, + More

Pardon my language here, but what the fuck is Andrei Arlovski doing?  The man was once the UFC heavyweight champion, and now he’s doing skits on "The Jerry Springer Show" that look like they were written by a tenth-grade English class?  And not that it would have made any difference, but they couldn’t rehearse it once or twice just to work out some of the kinks?  It just seems too coincidental that Arlovski is sinking to these new lows at right around the same time he’s preparing to make his pro boxing debut.  This video settles it: boxing makes jackasses out of MMA fighters.  And since Freddie Roach makes boxers out of MMA fighters…you can draw your own conclusions about him.

After the jump, I talk ring girls, unnecessary nudity, and more with Fight! Magazine photographer Paul Thatcher, and Martin Kampmann shows us how they do over at Xtreme Couture.

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Back at the Bottom, Gabriel Gonzaga Slated to Face Tuchscherer in August

Chris Tuchscherer Brock Lesnar MMA UFC 102
(Blonde ambition: Chris Tuchscherer with his road-dog Brock Lesnar. Photo courtesy of snbcmma.com.)

Though Gabriel Gonzaga is one of the most fearsome can-crushers in the sport, he has repeatedly struggled against high-level competition during his tenure in the UFC. Now coming off a knockout loss to Shane Carwin at UFC 96 — his third defeat in his last five fights — Gonzaga may be getting his "win or GTFO" matchup. MMA Weekly reports that "Napao" and UFC newcomer Chris Tuchscherer have agreed to face each other at UFC 102, which is scheduled for August 29th in Portland.

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“WEC 41: Brown vs. Faber 2″ Video Preview


(Props: MMA Mania)

After their first meeting six months ago resulted in Urijah Faber getting crushed and losing his featherweight title, the California Kid and the WEC’s current 145-pound champ Mike Brown will have their rematch at WEC 41, which goes down June 7th at the ARCO Arena in Faber’s hometown of Sacramento. Both headliners discuss the matchup in this new promo video, which shows that Brown is slightly peeved that his win over Faber is still considered a fluke in the eyes of some fans, while Faber is all "whatever brah, let’s do this, I want that belt back." (Not a direct quote.) Meanwhile, Frank Mir pops in to give his large-man perspective.

WEC 41 will also feature Jose Aldo, Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone, Jens Pulver, and Manny Gamburyan. The full lineup is after the jump; please toss your insightful predictions into the comments section.

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Quick Hits: Brazilian Time, Injuries and Replacements, + More


(Screw UFC Undisputed, Punch Out! is coming back, possibly with "The Wire’s" Sen. Clay Davis as Doc.  Now that’s good news.)

Xtreme Couture trainer Shawn Tompkins is done working with Wanderlei Silva.  He says they’re still friends, but told RawVegas.tv that he just couldn’t put up with “Brazilian time” any longer.  For those of you who may not be familiar with this phenomenon, Brazilian time is roughly forty-five minutes to an hour behind regular time.  More if an impromptu samba session breaks out.  Undeterred by the loss of Tompkins as a trainer, Silva is looking to hook up with former WEC middleweight champ Paulo Filho.  When you absolutely have to find someone weirder and less dependable than you, it’s hard to do much better than Paulo.

In other news…

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Sign of the Apocalypse #2,337: The Shaw Family Reality Show Is Back On

The Shaw family is a lot like herpes: nobody likes the fact that they even exist, and yet we can’t get rid of them.  You might recognize the above promo video for “Blood, Sweat, and Bling,” the reality show about boxing promoter Gary Shaw that we told you about some months back, but which thankfully seemed to die a quiet death in the alley behind some TV production studio.  Well, they didn’t bury this thing deep enough, because the show is reportedly back on, according to rich brat/local idiot Jared Shaw.

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CagePotato.com’s UFC 98 Sweepstakes Ends Today!

Rashad Evans UFC Bill Gates Microsoft
(That’s a very appropriate shirt, considering Lyoto Machida is about to beat you to a Blue Screen of Death. Image courtesy of alvear.com.)

If you have the time and means to enter our UFC 98 prize package giveaway — in which one lucky winner will score airfare to Las Vegas, a hotel stay, a pair of tickets to the event and more — we highly encourage you to do so, as entries are officially closed tonight at 11:59 p.m. PT / 2:59 a.m. ET; more details can be found here. Even at this late hour, your odds are still quite good, so give it a shot and good luck!

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