(Image courtesy of DreamOfficial.com)

Maybe the word "epic" is overused on the Internet. Certainly we’ve been guilty of using it vain when "totally sweet" would have sufficed. But I think "epic" really does apply to DREAM.9 (May 26th, Yokohama) which contains the quarterfinals of DREAM’s "Super Hulk Tournament" and Featherweight Grand Prix, as well as a great lightweight feature between Tatsuya Kawajiri and Gesias Cavalcante, and the middleweight title fight between Jason Miller and Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza.

The show will be broadcast in North America on HDNet Tuesday morning at 5 a.m. ET/2 a.m. PT, and while I’m not really down with farmer’s hours, I might have to watch this one live (and maybe even liveblog it) — especially since it’ll also represent an emotional farewell to HDNet. Right, so DREAM.9′s official fight order will be…

(Baroni was kind enough to take a break from filming the new "Miami Vice" movie in order to drop by the Strikeforce press conference.)

MMA needs characters just as much as it needs the stoic types who just bore everyone by doing nothing but winning fights and keeping their mouth shut.  But God bless Phil Baroni, who will make sure there is never a dull moment when he shows up to your party.  Looking over the quotes from yesterday’s Strikeforce presser it’s enough to make you wonder whether they didn’t open with a standup routine from Baroni.  Just check out some of the gems he dropped on the mic in St. Louis yesterday.

On fighting styles and management choices:

"I asked my agent – I said ‘hey get me a southpaw to fight.’  My agent’s pretty stupid.  He said ‘What’s that?  He didn’t know what a southpaw was.  So, I said "It’s a (expletive) left-handed fighter.  I’m real good at fighting lefties.  Lefties are made to order for me.  They eat straight right hands and I’ve got a pretty (expletive) big one.  I’m going to put it right on his kisser."

(Ready to make some magic, gentlemen?)

Right off I’ll admit it: there isn’t anything glamorous about the Rashad Evans-Lyoto Machida title fight at UFC 98 this weekend.  A champion who until recently was known for his split decision victories facing off against a challenger known for being so “elusive” that his fights often resemble a ballet more than a brawl – that’s not anyone’s dream bout, least of all a promoter’s. 

But what this fight lacks in star power and fireworks, it makes up for with sheer, good old-fashioned quality.  In many ways Evans-Machida is the best, most legitimate title fight the UFC has put on in nearly a year.  Here’s why:

(Kongo dodges Al-Turk’s ferocious breakdancing attack at UFC 92. Photo courtesy of boxinginlasvegas.com.)

From a new update on UFC.com:

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

Dana White has been a busy little beaver during his New York media tour, promoting UFC 98 and 2009 Undisputed with a series of television and live appearances. Here are his video blogs from the last two days. Monday’s features the requisite Pinkberry visit, some fan meet-and-greet at a GameStop in Times Square, and Dana getting punked by a sidewalk chalk-artist at the very end. Yesterday, he did Opie and Anthony and ESPN First Take, pressed flesh at Nasdaq, and taught Jimmy Fallon how to punch. The vlog cuts off after that, but we’re guessing he went back to his hotel room, sat down in the bathtub, and cried for about a half-hour.

(Yep, that’s what it looks like about four hours before you acquire a nasty virus.)

Fresh off the news that the youth of Germany will be denied their chance to see UFC 99 in Cologne’s Lanxess Arena, the event has now received another blow: the loss of Heath Herring.  

Okay, so it’s not that big a blow.  Herring was scheduled to take on Cain Velasquez but is now reportedly sidelined with an unnamed illness (just to speculate irresponsibly, we’re going to say it’s either swine flu or whooping cough) and is unable to train, which has knocked him out of contention for the June 13 event in Germany.  The question now is, what happens to Velasquez?  And, to lesser extent, is Herring just faking it since he refuses to fight in front of a crowd without any children in it?

(Let’s cut to the chase.  Is Fedor going to have to give back the belt or not?  Because his family already ate off the damn thing and it is a bitch to clean.)

A press release sent out this afternoon announced that former UFC champion Pat Miletich and Five Ounces of Pain founder Sam Caplan have both resigned from WAMMA in what Caplan described as “not an amicable parting.”  Said Miletich:

"Throughout my entire time with WAMMA, I’ve been sincere in my belief that the sport needs undisputed champions in every major weight class.  To this day, I still feel that way and still believe in WAMMA’s basic principles. However, I no longer believe that WAMMA’s execution is where it needs to be in order for it to meet its full potential. Based on that and a growing difference of opinion with WAMMA’s board of directors, I made the decision that it is time to move on."

("Pee-pee-pee" vs. "Wobble-Wobble": Who ya got!?)

Ho, baby. From a new press release sent out by Strikeforce:

The Fight Network (via FiveOunces) passes along these additional details:

(Image courtesy of UFC.com/BK. Click for larger version.)

The UFC has a special treat for those staying in to watch the fights on Saturday night. Starting at 8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT, four live video streams will be available at UFC.com/BK, as part of a new Burger King-sponsored online feature called "Behind the Octagon." Viewers can switch between the red and blue corner dressing rooms, the fighter entryway, and a camera that will just be following Dana White as he makes his rounds. In other words, you’ll be seeing a lot of behind-the-scenes action that’s never been available before, aside from edited highlights in Danavlogs.

(May contain scenes of graphic violence.)

Say you’re a German teenager and you were really looking forward to seeing Rich Franklin and Wanderlei Silva battle for relevance at UFC 99 in Cologne next month. Well, unless you’re over eighteen years old you are officially screwed.  An uproar over the UFC coming to town and an article calling for banning the “insanity” of “brutal cage fighting” appeared in the popular German newspaper Bild recently, prompting minors to be barred from attending the first German UFC event.  The article claimed that only biting and eye-gouging were against the rules, and described fighters as wearing “no protective clothing,” so just maybe there’s some bad information being passed around.  Regardless, the Lanxess Arena, where UFC 99 is going down, has agreed to ban ticketholders under eighteen years old from attending the event.

Dana White is adopting an ‘I’m getting too old for this shit’ attitude about the whole thing.

(Oh man, when Frank Mir hears Rashad launch into that joke about the two old nuns who stumble into the nudist colony, he simply can’t help himself.  No matter how many times he hears it, Evans’ delivery cracks him up every time.)

Sup, MMA fans.  It’s been a while since the old Gambling Addiction Enabler rapped at you, so you might be wondering what he’s been up to.  You know, the usual crap.  Hanging out at the dog tracks, selling plasma and/or sperm, pawning stuff, getting into arguments with the old lady, driving her to the pawn shop so she can buy back her stuff.  Nothing special, in other words.  But now UFC 98 is nearly upon us, which means it’s time to take a look at the lines and compulsively wager money over the internet.  God, it’s good to be alive some days.

Odds come to us from BestFightOdds.com:

(Photo courtesy of about.com.)

Bummer of the day, you guys: The welterweight scrap between Anthony Johnson and Matt Brown — which was scheduled to lead off the televised card of the TUF 9 finale (June 20th, Las Vegas) — won’t be happening. The following message was recently posted on Rumble’s Myspace Page: 

(Props: Genghis Con)

In advance of Rashad Evans‘s title fight against Lyoto Machida at UFC 98, our man Genghis has put together this short profile video, covering Sugar’s greatest moments in the UFC. The subtle gunshot sound when Evans KOs Chuck Liddell is a great little touch. We’ve heard a lot from the Machida fans lately — anybody think Rashad goes home with his belt on Saturday?

After the jump, things get a little weird…

(Just think, if you lose HDNet now you might miss Bob Sapp vs. Kinnikuman II: The Reckoning.  If you let that happen you’ll just hate yourself.)

Time Warner Cable is renowned on much of the East Coast for spotty internet service, not showing up for scheduled installation appointments, and generally not giving a shit, so it should come as little surprise that they’re threatening to screw their MMA-loving customers by dropping HDNet at the end of the month.  Before you freak out and get a satellite dish, you should know that this isn’t the first time that they’ve talked about going HDNet-less.  It’s just the first time they’ve sounded really serious about it.  Now here’s where you come in, voice of the people.

(Props: Card on the UG)

The good thing about hiring a former WWE wrestler like Brock Lesnar to do a commercial is that he has absolutely no problem completely marking out for your product.  Watching this video of Lesnar pumping iron, stalking through the woods with a rifle, and perhaps murdering a training partner who looks suspiciously like the Minnesota Martial Arts Academy’s Chris Tuchscherer, one can’t help but imagine the interplay between Lesnar and the director of this Fusion Ammo commercial.  

‘Okay Brock, that was good.  Let’s try it again and this time, after you cold-clock the guy, look at the camera and really make us feel the ‘Yeeeeaaaah!’ at the end.  I’m telling you, man, it’s all about that ‘Yeah.’  That’s what’s going to sell this goddamn ammo.’

After the jump, Anderson Silva offers the sincerest form of flattery to some of his contemporaries.

(Mirko celebrates his 2002 K-1 victory over King Hippo.)

Holy crap! It seems that scoring wins over Tatsuya Mizuno and Hong Man Choi — and getting his nuts kicked in by Alistair Overeem — was enough to earn Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic an invite back to the UFC; the Croatian legend ended his first Octagon run in early 2008 after becoming the biggest bust in UFC history. Here’s the word directly from Cro Cop’s MMA-ID blog:

 
(Don’t you mean, "Just landed in nyc, *pussies*"? Image courtesy of twitter.com/danawhiteblog.)

With UFC 2009 Undisputed set for release tomorrow, Dana White has come to the Big Apple to hawk his wares. First on the agenda: White and THQ’s President/CEO Brian Farrell are scheduled to ring the closing bell at NASDAQ. Their appearance will take place tomorrow between 3:45-4:00 p.m. ET, and can be seen at this link on nasdaq.com. (Thanks to FiveOunces for the tip.) Trading’s over, fuckers.

In B.J. Penn’s latest video blog he answers some fan mail and discusses his ongoing case against Georges St. Pierre that the Nevada State Athletic Commission has basically decided to hear, but do absolutely nothing in response to.  Penn seems to be blaming the NSAC’s Keith Kizer, saying he “can’t be trusted” and insisting that he has “no interest in fighting in Nevada or Las Vegas ever again.”

Just to clarify, that’s the UFC’s home base that he’s talking about – the city where the majority of their events are held.  And here the UFC lightweight champ says he doesn’t want to fight there ever again because the commission is made up of a bunch of shady ne’er-do-wells.  This could be a problem.

(‘You put mouth and money in same place, yes?’)

Either Wanderlei Silva desperately wants to hurt former friend/current bitter rival Anderson Silva any way he can, or else he’s really regretting that adjustable rate mortgage he agreed to, because “The Axe Murderer” is now trying to convince the UFC middleweight champ to put a little money down on his boy Rich Franklin at UFC 99.  And by a little money, we mean roughly the median annual household income in the United States.  

“If Anderson believes in Franklin so much, bet $50,000 and let’s see who takes the money,” Wanderlei told Fighters Only recently.  This sounds like a great idea.  We only hope Anderson Silva thinks so.

(Kimbo poses with five of the college students he tutors. Photo courtesy of sobehot.com.)

As you’ve surely noticed, Kimbo Slice has been laying low since his embarassing loss to Seth Petruzelli at EliteXC: Heat. And though he would have been an excellent addition to DREAM’s Super Hulk Tournament, Kimbo’s days as an MMA fighter might be over for good. Last week, MMA Fanhouse reported that the YouTube-brawler-turned-MMA-sideshow is no longer contractually tied to Strikeforce, and now the Sun Sentinel is passing along this bit of news about Slice’s athletic future:

(Props: FightOpinion)

In the above excerpt from the UFC’s next Countdown show (which premieres Thursday at 11 p.m. on Spike TV), we get a closer look at Lyoto Machida‘s crazy father Yoshizo, and the grueling karate training he put his sons through. Am I the only one who wants to see how Yoshizo would do in a Seniors’ MMA league? Maybe throw him in the cage against Frank Mir’s dad…

After the jump: Video of the main event bout between former K-1 heavyweight champ Badr Hari and current K-1 super-heavyweight champ Semmy Schilt at Saturday’s "It’s Showtime 2009" kickboxing event in Amsterdam.

(Bellator VII highlights, courtesy of YouTube.com/BellatorMMA)

Bellator‘s welterweight tournament finals were settled on Friday night in Chicago, as Lyman Good and Omar De La Cruz got their hands raised in the semis after dominant performances. Good increased his record to 9-0 with his whipping of Jorge Ortiz (highlights begin at the above video’s 4:15 mark), as he poured on an overwhelming barrage of strikes over two rounds until Ortiz’s face fell apart and the fight was stopped due to a cut. De La Cruz was just as aggressive in his fight with former UFC middleweight champ Dave Menne (see the vid’s 6:15 mark), throwing down some of hardest punches from the top that you will ever see in your life, before ending the fight with a lights-out right hook. Good and De La Cruz will meet in the welterweight finals on June 12th in Uncasville, Connecticut.

In non-tournament action, Kerry Vera won a thrilling three-rounder over Leslie Smith in her MMA debut (highlights begin at the video’s 1:28 mark), and UFC vet Eddie Sanchez scored the fastest knockout in Bellator history with his 10-second demolition of Jay White (skip to 3:39). Full event results and the complete video of the must-see Vera/Smith fight are after the jump…

Look out, Bob Sapp.  Bobby Lashley is for real, or at least real enough to choke the hell out of Mike Cook in 24 seconds.  Cook apparently came down to the ring wearing a lucha libre mask, which right there just pissed Lashley off something fierce.  The former pro wrestler used one overhand right and then moved straight into a guillotine that finished the fight, flattening Cook out and leaving him flopping around on the mat like a fish.  Embarrassing. 

Lashley’s now 3-0 and has a date with Bob Sapp on June 27 in a fight to determine once and for all who looks scarier with their shirt off.

(Illegal knee to the shoulder?)

Last night’s Strikeforce Challengers event sought to answer the old question, what’s the most unsatisfying ending to a fight, aside from a draw?  The answer is a questionable disqualification, which is exactly what happened after Billy Evangelista landed what was ruled to be an illegal knee against Mike Aina last night, bringing a stop to the bout in the second round.  Said Evangelista:

“I feel bad at what happened, but I am definitely planning to protest,’’ Evangelista said. “Nothing I did was on purpose. I thought I had timed the knee perfectly and that he was on his feet when it was delivered.’’

If Evangelista really does protest (and he has a decent case, if you bother to take a look at where that knee landed) that will make Strikeforce two for two on Showtime events that result in formal protests with the California State Athletic Commission.  Full results from last night’s Strikeforce Challengers event are after the jump:

("Stitch" Duran runs down the list of the bloodiest fights he’s ever worked.)

- Lindsay Lohan’s dad starting up a new MMA promotion for TV. (KIMT.com)

- Chuck Liddell refuses to say he’s done fighting. (MMA Madness)

- Mario Lopez is surprised to hear that people have seen his fights. (Fight Magazine)

- Rich Franklin talks about training with Anderson Silva. (MMA Weekly)

- Matt Hughes passed his UFC 98 pre-fight drug test. (Fighters Only)

- Bob Reilly talks nonsense on Fox News Fight Game. (MMA Payout)

- More "Strikeboxing" in Canada’s future? (Fight Opinion)

- Forrest Griffin admits he was getting a little bored. (Cage Writer)

- What’s wrong with the Lakers? (Scores Report)

- Sumo wrestling game results in million-dollar lawsuit. (CBS Denver)

- The Adult Friend Finder experiment takes a turn for the weird. (Holy Taco)

- 5 movie robots that didn’t work. (Screen Junkies)

- Nascar drivers want to know what drugs they can’t take. (All Left Turns)

- Hangover recovery kit. (Ask Men)

- Brutal muay thai knockout. (Nothing Toxic)

(Kerry’s muay thai fight in Thailand for the Oxygen network’s "Fight Girls" show.  Check out Brandon being all supportive.  Awww.)

As we told you earlier, Kerry Vera, the wife of UFC fighter Brandon Vera, is making her MMA debut at tonight’s Bellator event.  We decided to find out if this is just some Kim Couture situation or if Vera is really serious about kicking ass and possibly even taking names.  Here’s how the conversation went.

This is your first MMA fight, but you’ve done some kickboxing in the past.  What made you decide to do MMA now?

I just wanted to do something more.  I figured, I’m probably not going to be fighting for too much longer so I wanted to try MMA and see what would happen.  It’s fun.  It’s a whole new challenge for me.

What do you know about your opponent?  I hear she’s undefeated.

I don’t know much.  I know she’s from Colorado (laughs).  That, and she’s had a few MMA fights.  That’s all I really know.

UFCs Dana White, Forrest Griffin and Kenny Florian on Dr. Phil – Watch more Funny Videos

The UFC prez and two of his henchmen showed up on Dr. Phil today, during a very special show about dangerous teen trends. After one segment where a boy’s smartie-smokin’ led him to marijuana (gasp!), it was time to cast an eye on the alarming trend of basement fighting. Dana White, Forrest Griffin, and somebody named "Kenny Florini" were on hand to tell two young aspiring fighters that what they were doing wasn’t cool. Well, Forrest did say he appreciated their spirit, and Kenny was basically like "just be careful," but Dana really laid down the law when he explained how boxing resulted in more deaths than mixed martial arts. That’s what we call "staying on message."

("Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!")

When BJ Penn said "to the death" before his UFC 94 welterweight championship bout against Georges St. Pierre, we thought he meant fight to the death, not litigate to the death. While the rest of the MMA world has long since lost interest in Penn’s claim that GSP enjoyed a vaseline-related advantage during their match in January, Penn himself is working to get the issue moved from Nevada State Athletic Commission hearings to a Nevada court.

During a NSAC hearing on Wednesday, the commission acknowledged receipt of four documents submitted by Penn’s attorney Raffi Nahabedian and his mother Lorraine Shin — among them a request for a full accounting of the evidence that Keith Kizer used in deciding not to file a formal complaint with the commission against Georges St. Pierre, and (this one’s important) a request for a definitive statement on the commission’s decision regarding disciplinary action and/or sanctions to be taken against St. Pierre and his cornermen, Greg Jackson and Phil Nurse.

(Victory!)

Despite Jeff Monson‘s commitment to anarchy and breaking stuff, the American legal system cut the wandering MMA fighter some slack recently, dismissing the charges against him for the grandfather clock-bashing domestic dispute he got himself into back in January.  

As you’ll no doubt recall, Monson was arrested for “assault on a female” and “damage to real property” after an argument with his then-girlfriend, Stephanie Trapani, who had just found out Monson was still married and also playing the hell out of the proverbial field.  She threw his cell phone out the window of her moving car, so he smashed her grandfather clock and her computer, and even allegedly put his hands on her.  Though Monson only denies that last charge, the court apparently decided to drop all charges against him last week after ruling that the case had been “misclassified” and Monson had been improperly held.

(At least now fighting unarmed people seems easy by comparison. Photo courtesy of ChrisWilsonMMA.com)

UFC welterweight fighter Chris Wilson is, for the most part, a pretty laid back guy.  But even for him it sounds like he’s a little too nonplussed about this home invasion robbery/kidnapping at gunpoint that happened to him recently.  Wilson, who’s lived in Brazil on and off ever since his parents were Baptist missionaries there, was recently in Brazil with his wife and two kids training for his fight with Brock Larson at UFC 98.  Everything was going fine, and then this happened: