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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

July, 2009

Friday Link Dump

Ring Girl Brittney Palmer
(WEC ring girl Brittney Palmer hits pads, displays cleavage. Pretty good little afternoon for all parties. Courtesy of this gallery by Combat Lifestyle.)

- Paul Daley signs (for real this time), will debut at UFC 103. (MMA Weekly)

- Is a network TV deal Dana White’s next big announcement? (MMA Fanhouse)

- Sengoku 9 preview. (MMA Mania)

- Rampage Jackson’s new old movie hits theaters. (Fight Magazine)

- Fedor’s deal vs. Randy’s deal. (Fightlinker)

- Wanderlei Silva says his next opponent will be a "big surprise." (Fighters Only)

- What Affliction should have been. (MMA Payout)

- Listen to Dana White goin’ off on Fedor negotiations. (Cage Writer)

- MMA’s top 10 submission artists. (Bleacher Report)

- 8 things that will definitely happen at summer camp. (Holy Taco)

- Generating superficial rapport: connecting over pop culture. (TSB Magazine)

- Joke of the day: For Whom The Bell Tolls. (AskMen)

- Roger Ebert reviews a porno. (Screen Junkies)

- 8 things you didn’t know you could fry. (Made Man)

- Brickyard booze, brawls, and breasts. (All Left Turns)

- Car headstand attempt goes…poorly. (Nothing Toxic)

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Okay, So Tito’s Back. Now What?


The Pax Romana.  The European Renaissance.  Van Halen’s David Lee Roth years.  Just as all these pleasant, relatively calm periods of human history eventually met their ends, so must we now close the book the Tito Ortiz-less chapter in UFC history, and with it Cage Potato’s Tito Ortiz news ban.  Now that he’s finally, officially doing something again we will finally, officially acknowledge his existence once more.  But the question remains, now that he’s back, what the hell is Ortiz going to do in the UFC’s light heavyweight ranks?

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Josh Barnett’s Second Sample Also Positive for Drostanolone

Josh Barnett MMA UFC steroids
(In the immortal words of Bob Seger: "Shake down, break down, take down / blah blah blah-blah blah-blah something something blah / break down, take down / you’re busted." Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

From yesterday’s deconstruction of Josh Barnett’s airtight steroid defense:

“In the meantime, Mr. Barnett has yet to learn of the results of the B sample testing and he has not received any of the documentation that provides further details of the alleged positive sample despite numerous requests.”

Are you sitting down, guys? Because we have some unfortunate and somewhat unsurprising news. F4Wonline.com (via Fightlinker) is reporting that Barnett’s ‘B’ sample, which is used to double-check the veracity of the initial sample, just came back positive for 2a-methyl-5a-androstan-3a-ol-17-one — or in normal-person language, a metabolite of Drostanolone, the same steroid he popped for last week.

Well, at least he still has that "unintentional ingestion" angle to hang his reputation on. But at this point, it’ll be a steep uphill climb to convince the State of California — and us, the fans — that he’s anything other than a filthy cheater. Good luck, Babyface…

In a related story, I’ll be going on SIRIUS Fight Club (Sirius channel 127, or 104 for XM subscribers) at 6 p.m. ET today to chat about our steroid bust timeline. Tune in if you can…
[BG]

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UFC Press Conference Highlights: Tito Ortiz is Back, Belfort vs. Franklin @ UFC 103

Tito Ortiz Dana White MMA UFC
(One more round for old time’s sake?)

Though Dana White was hoping he could announce the signing of Fedor Emelianenko at this afternoon’s much-anticipated UFC press conference, it was not meant to be. DW said he did everything he could possibly do to get Emelianenko into the Octagon and offered him an "amazing" deal, but M-1′s dogged desire for co-promotion sunk the negotiations, which made Dana "fucking miserable." Still, there were some major announcements to share, which are sure to get MMA fans talking:

UFC 103‘s main event has been thankfully changed to Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort. The match will be contested at light-heavyweight. Dan Henderson will likely get the next crack at Anderson Silva‘s middleweight belt, possibly followed by the winner of the Nate Marquardt/Demian Maia match at UFC 102.

Tito Ortiz (remember that guy?) is back in the UFC, and plans to fight before the end of the year. Mark Coleman has been named as a possible opponent.

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M-1’s Jerry Millen Mixes Terrible Metaphors with Nonsensical Reasoning, Arrives at Predictable Conclusion

Jerry Millen
(Okay, someone give him a place, an occupation, and an object and we’ll see if he can spin it into a batshit insane analogy before our very eyes.)

So it’s Friday and you’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘What would really help me slide on in to the weekend is to sit back, undo that top button, and just unwind with an absolutely idiotic justification of M-1 Global’s recent chicanery, put forth by one of the sleaziest, least sincere people on their payroll.’  Well, you’re in luck.  M-1 Global’s Jerry Millen recently sat down for an interview and, as usual, his arguments and reasoning were so ridiculous that they could almost be considered performance art.

For instance, permit him to put this whole Fedor/M-1/UFC mess in perspective with a sports analogy that makes no sense at all:

"The closest thing to it, you’ve got a basketball and you’re at a basketball court — and I know this sounds silly, but you go to the basketball court with your basketball," Millen tells FanHouse. "And there’s a guy there with a pocketful of money and goes ‘Hey man, I’m going to buy your ball and you’re going to sit in the bench and watch me play ball with your ball.’ To me that’s a sell-out."

Where to begin…

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Kenny Florian Talks Greasy Texts, DNA Testing, and How He’s Going to Beat B.J. Penn

Kenny Florian

For this week’s SI.com column I spoke with Kenny Florian about his upcoming title fight against B.J. Penn at UFC 101, and of course we also had to discuss exactly what role he played in the whole Greasegate saga.  As always, Florian proves to be one of MMA’s most articulate and self-aware fighters, and he also knows he’s got one hell of a challenge in front of him on August 8.  Check out what Florian had to say about Penn’s strengths and weaknesses, what it means to fight for a UFC title, and more below.

I think every fighter I’ve talked to before a fight with B.J. Penn always mentions something about wearing him down and making him quit.  Is that in your gameplan?  Do you think you have to make B.J. quit before you can beat him?

I’m not sure.  I’m not sure I really believe that you have to break B.J. mentally or make him quit.  I think the key is challenging every aspect of his game and making him make those little mistakes, those little errors.  People tend to look at B.J. like he’s this god and he doesn’t make mistakes, like you just can’t beat him on the technical level.  I feel you can beat him at the technical level.  

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Videos: Lyoto Machida Teaches Elusiveness, Fedor Speaks for Himself + Arianny Celeste Gets Violent


(Props: DreamPrideVictory)

In this excerpt from Lyoto Machida‘s "Karate for Mixed Martial Arts" instructional DVD set, the Dragon demonstrates one of the techniques that make him so elusive: the step-fake/counterpunch. Then, he shows us how to set up a knee-pick takedown after intercepting a jab. Order today, and receive a bonus DVD which covers eyebrow grooming and alternative nutrition.

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Zuffa Catch of the Day: Vazquez vs. Davis, Lauzon vs. Oliveira

Dan Lauzon MMA Affliction
(In retrospect, Dan should have never accepted that "Hertz Donut." Photo courtesy of AllElbows.)

The feeding frenzy continues, as the WEC and UFC have reportedly picked up a few more solid additions in the wake of Affliction’s demise. Here’s the latest…

According to Sherdog, the featherweight bout between Javier Vazquez and L.C. Davis that was supposed to take place during the undercard of "Trilogy" will now take place at WEC 42: Torres vs. Bowles (August 9th, Las Vegas). Vazquez (13-2) is a former King of the Cage and Gladiator Challenge champion who most recently choked out Mark Kergosian in 19 seconds at last month’s Ultimate Chaos show; it was just his third fight since 2003. Davis (also 13-2) is an IFL vet whose most recent decision loss to Michihiro Omigawa at Sengoku 7 in March dropped him from our featherweight top ten list.

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Well, There Goes Josh Thompson…And Here Comes Mitsuhiro Ishida

Josh Thompson and Gilbert Melendez
(For the last time, if I agree to make you guys pancakes as soon as we get home will you get in the damn car?  The cops will be here any minute.)

Despite his grim determination to fight on through injuries come hell or excruciating pain, Josh Thompson has been forced yet again to withdraw from his Strikeforce lightweight title defense against Gilbert Melendez, the organization announced via a press release this afternoon.  Thompson was not medically cleared to fight, suggesting that at least there are some doctors willing to look out for his health even if he’s too damn gutsy to take it into consideration.  Now Mitsuhiro Ishida will step in to face Melendez for the Strikeforce interim lightweight title instead.  

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He Said, Crazy Russians Said: M-1 Denies Reports of $30 Million UFC Offer

Fedor Emelianenko M-1 Global
(Ice cream cones for everybody!)

Now that we’ve established that Fedor Emelianenko will probably never fight in the UFC as long as M-1 Global has anything to say about it, we can finally focus on arguing over what the UFC’s revised offer, which he wasn’t going to accept anyway because it didn’t involve co-promoting events with M-1 Global, actually looked like.  Thank God, right?  Contrary to reports that Fedor was offered $30 million for six fights in the UFC, M-1’s Joost Raimond says it was nowhere near that, telling Sherdog’s Loretta Hunt that “five-million (per fight) is way, way, way out of range. Half of that is even way out of range of what they offered.”

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