(WEC ring girl Brittney Palmer hits pads, displays cleavage. Pretty good little afternoon for all parties. Courtesy of this gallery by Combat Lifestyle.)

- Paul Daley signs (for real this time), will debut at UFC 103. (MMA Weekly)

- Is a network TV deal Dana White’s next big announcement? (MMA Fanhouse)

- Sengoku 9 preview. (MMA Mania)

- Rampage Jackson’s new old movie hits theaters. (Fight Magazine)

- Fedor’s deal vs. Randy’s deal. (Fightlinker)

- Wanderlei Silva says his next opponent will be a "big surprise." (Fighters Only)

- What Affliction should have been. (MMA Payout)

- Listen to Dana White goin’ off on Fedor negotiations. (Cage Writer)

- MMA’s top 10 submission artists. (Bleacher Report)

- 8 things that will definitely happen at summer camp. (Holy Taco)

- Generating superficial rapport: connecting over pop culture. (TSB Magazine)

- Joke of the day: For Whom The Bell Tolls. (AskMen)

- Roger Ebert reviews a porno. (Screen Junkies)

- 8 things you didn’t know you could fry. (Made Man)

- Brickyard booze, brawls, and breasts. (All Left Turns)

- Car headstand attempt goes…poorly. (Nothing Toxic)

The Pax Romana.  The European Renaissance.  Van Halen’s David Lee Roth years.  Just as all these pleasant, relatively calm periods of human history eventually met their ends, so must we now close the book the Tito Ortiz-less chapter in UFC history, and with it Cage Potato’s Tito Ortiz news ban.  Now that he’s finally, officially doing something again we will finally, officially acknowledge his existence once more.  But the question remains, now that he’s back, what the hell is Ortiz going to do in the UFC’s light heavyweight ranks?

(In the immortal words of Bob Seger: "Shake down, break down, take down / blah blah blah-blah blah-blah something something blah / break down, take down / you’re busted." Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

From yesterday’s deconstruction of Josh Barnett’s airtight steroid defense:

Are you sitting down, guys? Because we have some unfortunate and somewhat unsurprising news. F4Wonline.com (via Fightlinker) is reporting that Barnett’s ‘B’ sample, which is used to double-check the veracity of the initial sample, just came back positive for 2a-methyl-5a-androstan-3a-ol-17-one — or in normal-person language, a metabolite of Drostanolone, the same steroid he popped for last week.

Well, at least he still has that "unintentional ingestion" angle to hang his reputation on. But at this point, it’ll be a steep uphill climb to convince the State of California — and us, the fans — that he’s anything other than a filthy cheater. Good luck, Babyface…

In a related story, I’ll be going on SIRIUS Fight Club (Sirius channel 127, or 104 for XM subscribers) at 6 p.m. ET today to chat about our steroid bust timeline. Tune in if you can…
[BG]

(One more round for old time’s sake?)

Though Dana White was hoping he could announce the signing of Fedor Emelianenko at this afternoon’s much-anticipated UFC press conference, it was not meant to be. DW said he did everything he could possibly do to get Emelianenko into the Octagon and offered him an "amazing" deal, but M-1′s dogged desire for co-promotion sunk the negotiations, which made Dana "fucking miserable." Still, there were some major announcements to share, which are sure to get MMA fans talking:

— UFC 103‘s main event has been thankfully changed to Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort. The match will be contested at light-heavyweight. Dan Henderson will likely get the next crack at Anderson Silva‘s middleweight belt, possibly followed by the winner of the Nate Marquardt/Demian Maia match at UFC 102.

— Tito Ortiz (remember that guy?) is back in the UFC, and plans to fight before the end of the year. Mark Coleman has been named as a possible opponent.

(Okay, someone give him a place, an occupation, and an object and we’ll see if he can spin it into a batshit insane analogy before our very eyes.)

So it’s Friday and you’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘What would really help me slide on in to the weekend is to sit back, undo that top button, and just unwind with an absolutely idiotic justification of M-1 Global’s recent chicanery, put forth by one of the sleaziest, least sincere people on their payroll.’  Well, you’re in luck.  M-1 Global’s Jerry Millen recently sat down for an interview and, as usual, his arguments and reasoning were so ridiculous that they could almost be considered performance art.

For instance, permit him to put this whole Fedor/M-1/UFC mess in perspective with a sports analogy that makes no sense at all:

"The closest thing to it, you’ve got a basketball and you’re at a basketball court — and I know this sounds silly, but you go to the basketball court with your basketball," Millen tells FanHouse. "And there’s a guy there with a pocketful of money and goes ‘Hey man, I’m going to buy your ball and you’re going to sit in the bench and watch me play ball with your ball.’ To me that’s a sell-out."

Where to begin…

For this week’s SI.com column I spoke with Kenny Florian about his upcoming title fight against B.J. Penn at UFC 101, and of course we also had to discuss exactly what role he played in the whole Greasegate saga.  As always, Florian proves to be one of MMA’s most articulate and self-aware fighters, and he also knows he’s got one hell of a challenge in front of him on August 8.  Check out what Florian had to say about Penn’s strengths and weaknesses, what it means to fight for a UFC title, and more below.

I think every fighter I’ve talked to before a fight with B.J. Penn always mentions something about wearing him down and making him quit.  Is that in your gameplan?  Do you think you have to make B.J. quit before you can beat him?

I’m not sure.  I’m not sure I really believe that you have to break B.J. mentally or make him quit.  I think the key is challenging every aspect of his game and making him make those little mistakes, those little errors.  People tend to look at B.J. like he’s this god and he doesn’t make mistakes, like you just can’t beat him on the technical level.  I feel you can beat him at the technical level.  

(Props: DreamPrideVictory)

In this excerpt from Lyoto Machida‘s "Karate for Mixed Martial Arts" instructional DVD set, the Dragon demonstrates one of the techniques that make him so elusive: the step-fake/counterpunch. Then, he shows us how to set up a knee-pick takedown after intercepting a jab. Order today, and receive a bonus DVD which covers eyebrow grooming and alternative nutrition.

(In retrospect, Dan should have never accepted that "Hertz Donut." Photo courtesy of AllElbows.)

The feeding frenzy continues, as the WEC and UFC have reportedly picked up a few more solid additions in the wake of Affliction’s demise. Here’s the latest…

— According to Sherdog, the featherweight bout between Javier Vazquez and L.C. Davis that was supposed to take place during the undercard of "Trilogy" will now take place at WEC 42: Torres vs. Bowles (August 9th, Las Vegas). Vazquez (13-2) is a former King of the Cage and Gladiator Challenge champion who most recently choked out Mark Kergosian in 19 seconds at last month’s Ultimate Chaos show; it was just his third fight since 2003. Davis (also 13-2) is an IFL vet whose most recent decision loss to Michihiro Omigawa at Sengoku 7 in March dropped him from our featherweight top ten list.

(For the last time, if I agree to make you guys pancakes as soon as we get home will you get in the damn car?  The cops will be here any minute.)

Despite his grim determination to fight on through injuries come hell or excruciating pain, Josh Thompson has been forced yet again to withdraw from his Strikeforce lightweight title defense against Gilbert Melendez, the organization announced via a press release this afternoon.  Thompson was not medically cleared to fight, suggesting that at least there are some doctors willing to look out for his health even if he’s too damn gutsy to take it into consideration.  Now Mitsuhiro Ishida will step in to face Melendez for the Strikeforce interim lightweight title instead.  

(Ice cream cones for everybody!)

Now that we’ve established that Fedor Emelianenko will probably never fight in the UFC as long as M-1 Global has anything to say about it, we can finally focus on arguing over what the UFC’s revised offer, which he wasn’t going to accept anyway because it didn’t involve co-promoting events with M-1 Global, actually looked like.  Thank God, right?  Contrary to reports that Fedor was offered $30 million for six fights in the UFC, M-1’s Joost Raimond says it was nowhere near that, telling Sherdog’s Loretta Hunt that “five-million (per fight) is way, way, way out of range. Half of that is even way out of range of what they offered.”

(Props: Sherdog via MMA Mania)

Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker can’t even take one goddamned vacation to Italy without the world falling apart back home. In this video interview, Coker responds to all the recent speculation about Fedor Emelianenko‘s possible signing to Strikeforce (it’s not happening yet, at least), and a reported last-minute attempt to merge Strikeforce with Affliction (not even close). Coker explains that Fedor’s current crop of suitors include boxing promoters and network television, and discusses why he didn’t want to "sell out" Brett Rogers for the Fedor fight.

On the actual reason for Affliction’s demise, Coker says "escalating the fighter purses way beyond the true value, I think sooner or later the natural laws of economics apply to all businesses, and it finally applied to Affliction." How true. And if Fedor ever did sign with Strikeforce? "I feel pretty confident that we could give him four or five different opponents that would make sense for him."

Is steroid use an epidemic in MMA? Or are most of the fighters who have tested positive simply the victims of inept athletic commissions, shady nutritional supplements, and tainted goat meat? After Josh Barnett’s latest chemical misadventure took down Affliction, we decided to round up every steroid bust in the sport since early 2002, when the Nevada State Athletic Commission began testing MMA fighters for performance-enhancing drugs. The results…may shock you.

***

JOSH BARNETT (Pt. 1)
Caught: 4/22/02, following his TKO victory over Randy Couture at UFC 36.
Tested positive for: Boldenone, Nandrolone, and Fluoxymesterone
Punishment: A six-month suspension from the NSAC and the loss of his UFC heavyweight title. Barnett fought the steroid charge, and didn’t compete again in the U.S. until PRIDE 32, four and a half years later. (See: Belfort, Nastula)
In his own words: “I am a fighter, not a lawyer. I am innocent, and I should be fighting right now.”
Repeat offender: Barnett actually tested positive once before, for two different anabolic steroids, following his submission via strikes victory over Bobby Hoffman at UFC 34 in November 2001. Josh was let off with a warning (which went unheeded, apparently) and the incident was never officially reported — but according to Sherdog’s Mike Sloan, Barnett’s first positive steroid test is what inspired Nevada to begin regularly testing UFC fighters for performance enhancing drugs.

TIM SYLVIA
Caught: 10/7/03, following his first-round knockout of Gan McGee at UFC 44.
Tested positive for: Stanozolol
Punishment: $10,000 fine and a six-month suspension from the NSAC. Sylvia voluntarily vacated his heavyweight title following his positive steroid test.
In his own words: “[A]fter I fought Ricco [Rodriguez], I was in for a long layoff. I decided to try some things and maybe change my physique a little bit and get in better shape. But whatever I used, it came back positive. I don’t know how that happened. I did it so long ago and I was way off it before I fought McGee. I think they found it in my fat cells. I guess it stays in there for a while, huh?…I heard what Josh [Barnett] had used, so I used something different and I was only using it to trim my physique. I thought that what I was using, it was going to be out by the time I fought McGee. I fought Gan and apparently it wasn’t out.”

Ever been curious about what the scene is like at home for “Razor” Rob McCullough and porn star girlfriend Lexxi Tyler?  Neither have we, but if there’s one thing the internet is good at it’s answering questions that have not been asked.  Just for fun you should check out Rob McCullough’s DIY version of MTV “Cribs,” where he takes us on a low-budget tour of his Huntington Beach home.  McCullough and Tyler – who describes herself as a Penthouse Pet in much the same way that strippers describe themselves as dancers – seem like a weirdly perfect match for one another, especially since McCullough was once rumored to be a sex addict and Tyler’s personality seems like it could best be described as “boob-based.”

(Forget about Barnett, get me some of whatever that chick is on.)

MMA pariah Josh Barnett emerged from hiding just long enough to release a statement about the positive steroid test that derailed Affliction: Trilogy and lead to the UFC and Strikeforce both gorging themselves on suddenly available fighter contracts.  As you can probably guess, the statement did not include the words, ‘my bad.’  Instead it followed the trajectory we’ve all come to expect with these stories, almost impressively so.  For all you possibly juiced-up aspiring fighters out there, take it from a cagey veteran of the sport.  Here’s what you do when you get busted:

Step 1: Hedge your bets

If you can’t say with absolute certainty that there were no banned substances in your system when you peed in a cup for the athletic commission, you’re going to want to begin your defense by setting up a back-up defense just in case they nail you cold.  That’s what Barnett is doing with this sentence from his official statement:

(Props: drunkenunicorn)

According to Fighters Only, the UFC has just rescued Paul "Semtex" Daley from Affliction’s wreckage, signing the British 170-pounder to a four-fight contract. Daley, who was scheduled to fight Jay Hieron on the undercard of "Trilogy" before the event was canceled, is the former Cage Rage welterweight champion, and sports a record of 21-8-2, with 17 of his wins coming via stoppage due to strikes. He holds notable wins over Duane Ludwig, Jess Liaudin, Xavier Foupa-Pokam, and John Alessio. As FO explains:

("Don’t worry, Fedor, there will be other offers. Say, would you like to open for a puppet show in Stockton this weekend?" Photo courtesy of 5oz.)

You gotta be kidding me with this shit. According to Carmichael Dave (via Bloody Elbow), here’s what the UFC was offering Fedor to sign with them:

(‘Have you ever wanted to own a championship belt made of genuine snakeskin or whatever the hell this is? Hi, I’m Jay Hieron, and I’m offering you the opportunity of a lifetime…’)

Guess the UFC is more serious about drawing a line in the sand over the EA Sports MMA game than Jay Hieron previously thought.  Though the fighter told us he was all for signing on to the game and didn’t think it would keep him out of the Octagon, it appears to be a major factor in sending him to Strikeforce rather than the UFC.  The former IFL welterweight champ has now officially signed on to face Nick Diaz for the Strikeforce welterweight title on August 15, and he had to turn down an improved offer from the UFC, partly because of his commitment to EA and partly because of the allure of a championship belt:

"I couldn’t turn down an opportunity to fight for a title shot," Hieron told FanHouse. "I had other offers on the table and with the UFC. I just signed a video game deal that I was obligated to [and] I couldn’t get out of it. … UFC stepped up the offer for me. It was a great offer, but again, I signed a deal with EA Sports. I was definitely surprised and I was ready to go back to the UFC. I got a great opportunity with Strikeforce, though, and I’m excited to fight for a title."

(Mike Tyson was not pleased when he learned that simply appearing in this picture entitled M-1 Global to 50% of his future earnings.)

Fedor Emelianenko and his M-1 Global cronies seemed awfully excited to tell us very little during today’s press conference.  Considering that their big news was that Fedor would be “headlining” the new EA Sports MMA video game (does that mean he’ll be the final boss that every fighter, regardless of weight class, has to beat? are we talking Fedor Emelianenko’s Punch-Out here?) it’s hard to understand how they thought the reaction to today’s non-answers about everything from UFC negotiations to Affliction cancellation reactions would be anything but a disappointment.

Here’s the summary, for those of you in a hurry.  Fedor would absolutely consider fighting in the UFC, but only if M-1 Global can play too.  Their reasoning for feeling like they should get to piggyback on the money machine that the UFC has created?  Because they have Fedor, and they’ve promoted MMA “all over the world.”  Good for them.  But can someone please explain why that entitles them to a cut of the UFC’s profits?  

(Props: MMA Scraps)

Here’s some "Before They Were MMA Stars" footage of Kenny Florian, kicking ass in his second pro fight against Bobby McAndrews. This went down at Mass Destruction 15 (2/21/04, Boston), where Joe Lauzon and Alex Karalexis also picked up wins. Florian would only have one more match — a decision loss to Drew Fickett — before he joined the cast of TUF 1, which would drastically alter the course of his career. For more Ken-Flo, check out this extended interview with SportsCenter.

(Props: flickr.com/photos/shosports via Fightlinker)

Showtime has posted a great set of photos (taken by the incomparable Esther Lin) of Gina Carano training for her upcoming Strikeforce fight against Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos — with a few shots of her just standing around looking hot. In the second to last pic, Randy Couture demonstrates the irresistable power of the jorts. You can check out the rest of the pics here.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

Just a programming heads up, Potato Nation.  Tonight when your grandfather falls asleep watching CNBC’s grim recap of the day’s activity on Wall Street, you might not want to steal the remote from out of his mottled hands and risk waking him up in the middle of a WW II flashback. 

Instead, keep it locked for CNBC’s second special report on the rise of the UFC.  After the apparent success of “From Blood Sport to Big Time,” CNBC returns tonight with “Ultimate Fighting: Fistful of Dollars” at 10 pm EST.  In answer to your question, yes, a computer software program is writing these titles.  It’s a slight variation on the one that writes those purposely ill-informed newspaper articles on the scourge of this new-fangled human-dogfighting business.  Ask your grandfather about it when he wakes up.  Maybe he can make sense of the twisted logic. 

(Those smiles could only mean one thing: Dana and the boys have cooked up a crazy scheme to steal the Westbury High School mascot…again.)

When Dana White announces his future intention to make a big announcement, it’s sort of like your girlfriend saying, ‘Can I ask you something?’  You have no idea what’s coming.  It could be something awesome and big, like ‘What would you think about having a threesome with the hot German girl who lives next door?’ or it could be something like, ‘Do you think I should get bangs?’  You just never know, but the endless possibilities make the moment of anticipation that much more exciting.

According to a recent report from The Sun, Friday’s Dana White announcement will be slightly more hairstyle than it is threesome, at least for those of us in the US of A.  The UK news outlet reports that the UFC will announce a deal with the newly formed UK ESPN channel to broadcast events across the pond, essentially replacing the deal the UFC had with the now-defunct Setanta Sports.  The UK ESPN channel is reportedly set to launch on August 3, and they could turn right around and broadcast UFC 101 on August 8.  

(Ah, the good ol’ days. Photo courtesy of ESPN.)

In the last nine months, Anderson Silva has given us two title defenses marked by maddening stretches of inactivity, and fans have responded by giving him heaps of abuse. And the fact that he’s no longer considered the UFC’s thrilling golden boy who can do no wrong seems to have changed Silva in a fundamental way. Gone is the cheerful, lovable Spider, and in his place is a dude who has had it up here with the bullshit. Two examples, from recent interviews:

On the fans who booed during his recent fights: “At the end of the day, yeah, I’m there for the fans, but I’m the one who’s putting my body and my life in danger every time I step inside the Octagon. So, a lot of times when people aren’t as educated in this sport, it’s really hard for them to understand. I feel I went in there and did my job, and if people are booing, it’s from a lack of understanding of the sport, because I went out there and executed a good game plan, it was just unfortunate that my opponents didn’t fight back.”

("Hey Lesnar, I heard you like guns. WELL HOW DO YOU LIKE THESE?!?" Photo courtesy of milwaukeemma.com)

Why let Strikeforce have all the fun in picking over Affliction’s carcass? According to Sherdog, the heavyweight scrap between Ben Rothwell and Chase Gormley that was supposed to be featured on the undercard of "Trilogy" will now happen at UFC 104 (October 24th, Los Angeles). Rothwell has won 14 of his last 15 fights, with notable wins over Roy Nelson, Krzysztof Soszynski (twice), and Ricco Rodriguez, and a sole loss to Andrei Arlovski at Affliction: Banned. Gormley is a promising 6-0 heavyweight from Bodyshop Fitness Team who holds wins over Jon Murphy and Eric Pele.

But that could just be the beginning. InsideFights.com hears that a whopping twenty Affliction fighter contracts have been snapped up by the UFC. The names haven’t been released yet — maybe they’ll be revealed at Friday’s "crazy" press conference — but considering guys like Vitor Belfort, Jorge Santiago, Takanori Gomi, and Paul Daley are still floating in the breeze, Christmas may be coming early for Dana & Co. We’d include Fedor Emelianenko on that list, but as long as M-1 keeps denying that their #1 asset is heading to the Octagon, there’s no reason to keep playing with your emotions.

(When reached for comment, a source speaking on the condition of anonymity also confirmed for us that "Bloodsport" was totally kickass.)

Don’t get too excited just yet, but a media outlet that is neither an internet forum nor a celebrity gossip site is reporting that a deal to bring Fedor Emelianenko to the UFC is being “finalized” and will be announced later this week.  Because, much like Jay Hieron, we’ve had our hearts broken too many times to get our hopes up, we’re remaining skeptical for the moment despite the L.A. Times’ assertion (via WKR) that negotiations have been “very civil.”

If you’re looking for reasons to believe this report, the UFC did send out an email to announce a conference call on Friday wherein Dana White “will break all the latest news and developments.”  Then again, Fedor has a press conference scheduled for Wednesday.  If he’s signed a deal or is at least close to one, he’d have to either steal the UFC’s thunder by announcing it two days before them, or else say nothing of interest and generally waste everyone’s time.  

Of course there’s always the possibility that his press conference will have nothing to do with his MMA future at all and will instead be a forum for him to answer questions about his newest short story collection, “What We Talk About When We Talk About Stoic Russian Indifference,” but again, let’s not get our hopes up.

(Props: Cage Writer. Skip to the 2:15 mark to find out why BJPenn.com is killing MMAWeekly.com when it comes to breaking BJ Penn-related news.)

The highlight of today’s UFC 101 conference call, aside from a joke question about whether B.J. Penn has ever done gay porn, was Penn’s tirade against the MMA media, particularly MMA Weekly.  He said he was unhappy about how he was portrayed following the Georges St. Pierre fight, blaming MMA Weekly specifically for, at least in his mind, making his appeal to the Nevada State Athletic Commission seem extremely whiny rather than just annoyingly whiny.  What’s worse, Penn added, he did a lot to help the Ryan Bennett Memorial Fund after the death of the MMA Weekly founder, and this should apparently guarantee positive coverage from them years later.

Alexia Lei is a prolific import model and former Strikeforce ring girl who now acts as the spokesmodel for KNOXX Performance Gear. She’s the result of Portuguese, Hawaiian, Chinese, Chamorro, Mexican and Colombian intermingling, and designs a clothing line for go-go dancers called Ambition. Be her friend at myspace.com/alexialei, and check out more of her pics after the jump…

(Props: TSGIGOR)

We don’t speak the Russkie, but according to rough translations of the above shout-out video, Aleksander Emelianenko would just like to say thank you to all his fans, and vows to come to America soon to "beat everyone in the UFC." Yes, everyone — even the lightweights, we’d have to assume. And sure, Aleksander seems to pop up every few months to make similar proclamations, despite the fact that the CSAC’s Bill Douglas once stated that he’ll never be licensed to fight in the U.S. again. But things feel a little different now…and dare we say, hopeful.

Back in March, Aleks said he was pondering an offer from the UFC. At the time, we pointed out that his Affliction contract would get in the way of a UFC signing happening in the immediate future, but now that Affliction is toast, he’s basically a free agent again; remember, he no longer has any official ties to M-1 either. Just spitballin’ here, but could the UFC pick him up to put in European shows, thereby skirting his blacklisted status in the U.S.? (After all, the CSAC never came out and said "Hep B" — that was just the widespread rumor.) Or is this one of those pipe dreams that will never materialize, no matter how many ethical guidelines are bent?

After an emotional rollercoaster of a week, Jay Hieron is still waiting to find out exactly where he’ll fight next, and he’s trying not to get his hopes up too soon. Despite reports that he has officially signed with Strikeforce, Hieron told us this morning that he hasn’t signed the contract, although he “likes what they’ve offered” and expects to have something finalized later this afternoon.  For reasons that ought to be clear to anyone who knows Hieron’s history as the IFL welterweight champ, as well as his recent disappointment with the Affliction cancellation, he says he’s trying to keep his expectations in check until the contract is signed.

“I’m tired of getting excited for fights and then it doesn’t happen,” said Hieron.  “I just trained eight weeks for a fight and then nothing.  I won’t believe it until I sign something, and even then you never know.”

(Josh Barnett vs. Don Frye. Worth it for Don’s entrance music alone.)

What do you do when you’re an American pro fighter who’s been caught using steroids for a remarkable third time?  Easy, you go back to Japan where you can do pro wrestling in peace and never have to piss in a cup ever again, except perhaps when the urine samples of celebrities inevitably becomes a hot ticket item among Tokyo businessmen.  

It was just last week that Josh Barnett dashed the hopes and dreams of Affliction with his positive pre-licensing steroid test, and already he has a date with a scripted outcome in the Inoki Genome Federation back in Japan on August 9.  He still hasn’t addressed the issue of his alleged steroid use beyond that one somewhat strangely worded MySpace post, so his decision to head back to the safe confines of unregulated pseudo-sports will probably be interpreted as further evidence of his guilt.