The first few minutes of this video from Joe Rogan’s website feature the UFC analyst/comedian doing some moderately gross stuff, like cleaning out his recently-operated on nose and arguing with a heckler at a comedy show, but that’s nothing.  Keep watching to the 4:15 mark, where Joe goes on a radio show and describes how Lyoto Machida’s urine-drinking ritual has made him rethink the whole idea of just flushing waste down the toilet after the first time it’s gone through your system.  Then, in another gag made for radio, Rogan and the host both pee in cups and drink it down.  Am I the only one who got a bad taste in my mouth just watching that?

Dammit Machida, you want to throw your own life away by drinking piss in the public eye, that’s your business.  But now you’re affecting the lives of our most precious natural resource: comedians.  You know how impressionable they are; they’ll do anything for attention.  Please, no one tell Joe that Fedor smears bear semen on everything he eats.  Emulating his MMA idols is going to get that boy killed.

(Whoa, whoa, Cyborg. Didn’t Strikeforce ask you very nicely to refrain from messing up Gina’s face if possible? The girl’s got to make a living after this.)

Where do this weekend’s Strikeforce participants stand after their crushing defeats and triumphant victories?  Let’s consult the Potato Index’s arbitrary numerical rankings system to see whose stock fell and whose is on the rise.

“Cyborg” Santos +236
She absolutely overwhelmed Carano with her power and aggression.  A little sloppiness and a couple of failed takedown attempts show she still has room for improvement, but she came up big in the most important fight in the history of women’s MMA.  Let’s see how many people tune in to see her next fight before we decide what kind of future there is for female main events.

Gina Carano -131
The face of women’s MMA took a beating on Saturday night, but what does it mean for her celebrity and the popularity of the women’s division?  That’s still unclear, but at least we found out what happens when Carano has to face a real striker.  Maybe fewer photo shoots and more time in the gym would have helped?

(What can you say? The man’s a natural…)

Dana White might have forced Chuck Liddell into retirement, but somehow, some way, the Iceman’s competitive fire was going to find an outlet — it’s just too bad it had to be through a televised dancing competition. UFC.com has revealed that the former light-heavyweight champ and UFC Hall of Famer has accepted a spot on the ninth season of ABC’s Dancing With the Stars, which premieres Monday, September 21st. Liddell will be battling for dance-floor supremacy against Michael Irvin, Donny Osmond, Tom DeLay (!?), Melissa Joan Hart, Mya, Aaron Carter, Kathy Ireland, Kelly Osbourne, and seven other C/D-listers. Chuck has had no prior dance training, and told UFC.com "I like to dance, but I don’t know how to dance." Still, he’s not counting himself out:

("…so I came to the point where I knew my life had become unmanageable, and if I was going to get well again, I had to turn my life over to a higher power. Nah, just fuckin’ with you, I hotboxed in the car on the way over here." Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

After Nick Diaz‘s love of the ganja screwed "Carano vs. Cyborg" out of a welterweight title fight, we wondered if Strikeforce would finally decide that the Stocktonite was too much of a liability to keep around. Well don’t worry, Diaz fans, because that little misunderstanding has been completely sorted out. As Scott Coker said during the "Carano vs. Cyborg" post-fight press conference:

(Props: MMA-Core)

If you’re one of the people taking issue with referee Josh Rosenthal’s stoppage of the Gina Carano vs. Cris "Cyborg" Santos main event at Strikeforce, last night, you might ought to pause and look at this.  Here’s what it looked like from where Rosenthal was standing.  What he sees is a downed Carano who is not making any attempt to intelligently defend herself from a torrent of right hands.  He seems willing to let her try to ride out the end of the round, but when Cyborg slips a right around her defenses and Carano appears to spasm with shock after the punch, that’s when Rosenthal has to stop it. 

If you still need convincing, look at Gina’s reaction after the stoppage.  She’s saying something there, but I don’t think it’s, ‘You idiot, I was just about to launch my counter-attack!’ 

That sound you heard during the final few seconds of the first round in Strikeforce’s first female main event fight was Gina Carano’s skull changing shape under the pressure of repeated blows from Brazilian powerhouse Cris “Cyborg” Santos.  She overwhelmed Carano with her strength from the opening moments on the bout and, despite two completely failed takedown attempts that succeeded only in pulling Carano on top of her, she managed to keep things mostly on the feet where she had a clear advantage. 

After hurting Carano several times with some big bombs, she really poured it on in the last ten seconds of the first round after passing Carano’s half-guard.  As Gina lay curled up in tight little ball against the fence waiting for it to be over, Santos unleashed a vicious flurry of unanswered right hands.  Stopping the fight at that point was clearly the right decision, as Carano was far from being able to ask referee Josh Rosenthal what the fuck his problem was.

Afterwards Scott Coker did his best to pretend that he was just fine with Cyborg winning, suggesting there were plenty of promotional opportunities for her, such as telling women’s magazines about her workout plan.  Because doesn’t every woman want to look like Cyborg Santos?

Meanwhile, the other women in the hunt are calling ‘next’ on both Santos and Carano, with Golden Glory fighter Marloes Coenen saying she’ll get the first shot at the new champ, maybe by the end of the year.

In other action on the night…
 

("Hey, I’m Gina!" 
"I am the one known as ‘Cyborg’."
"Look, whatever happens tonight, I just want you to know that I have tons of respect for you, and I feel honored to be fighting you."
"I want to kill you so bad, my dick’s hard."
Photo courtesy of this set on CombatLifestyle.)

So who wants to witness some history in the making? Tonight, the curse is lifted, and the most significant women’s MMA fight of all time will take place. (Before that, there will be some men’s MMA matches of varying importance.) Strikeforce: Carano vs. Cyborg results await you after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for round-by-round updates and occasional digressions. Warning: The Showtime broadcast is delayed on the west coast, so check your local listings, and if you’re not getting it live, maybe stay away from the comments section for a while, lest you be spoiled.

(For lots more Carano vs. Cyborg weigh-in pics, hit up CombatLifestyle and flickr.com/photos/shosports)

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

The face of women’s MMA was in fine form at yesterday’s weigh-ins — which is unsurprising, considering Scott Coker was weighing her every day. We’ll be liveblogging the Showtime broadcast of "Carano vs. Cyborg" tonight starting at 10:30 p.m. ET, so swing by and let us know what you think. After the jump: The ultra-slick show-opening video for Carano vs. Cyborg. Deal with it, Gladiator.

(Gina Carano was young and full of hope once.)

- Gina Carano: 143 lbs., "Cyborg" Santos: 144.5 lbs.  (MMA Fanhouse)

- McCrory and Leites got cut after all. (Five Ounces of Pain)

– Danillo Villefort says he still has a job. (Fighters Only)

– Emerging storylines for Strikeforce’s big weekend. (Bleacher Report)

– Gina Carano’s "American Gladiators" buddy is betting $500 on her. (Cage Writer)

– If this picture doesn’t weird you out, you’re already pretty weird. (Fightlinker)

– Pat Miletich says his beef with Dana is now squashed. (MMA Madness)

– Sly Stallone talks with Big Nog on "Expendables" set. (MMA Mania)

– Gilbert Melendez’s revenge tour. (Fight Magazine)

- So how’s the new Madden game, anyway? (AskMen)

- Penthouse forum scenario leads to death for drug case witness. (Asylum)

- 25 hot guitar babes. (Holy Taco)

- Best alien-on-human kills in movie history. (Screen Junkies)

- Sports Illustrated swimsuit twitpics. (Made Man)

- Wreck of the Week: that kid will eat anything. (All Left Turns)

- Female water polo player sucker punches opposing player. (Nothing Toxic)

(The radio: where no one can tell how insincere you are based on your facial expressions.)

Just a reminder that we’ll be doing a special radio version of Ben vs. Ben on Sirius Fight Club (channel 127 for Sirius subscribers, 104 for XM) this afternoon at 6:15 pm EST.  Oh, crap.  That’s really soon, isn’t it? 

We’ll be arguing mostly new questions surrounding Saturday night’s Strikeforce event, and naturally we’ll manage to work in some UFC stuff and a personal insult or two.  Should be fun.  Even if you don’t care what we have to say to one another, you can always listen just to play the fun game, ‘When is Goldstein’s dog going to bark repeatedly in the background?’  My favorite is when it happens right after BG thinks he’s said something that makes him sound like a serious professional.  Great comedic timing, that dog.

("All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, the blood of my opponents, and I’m fine." Photo courtesy of Fight!)

BJ Penn isn’t exactly the most prolific fighter in the world; over the last three years, the Prodigy has only made six appearances in the Octagon. But now that he’s entered his 30s, the UFC lightweight king has vowed that his long layoffs are over, and he’s ready to get back in the cage sooner rather than later. As he told the Hawaii Tribune-Herald:

(Props: Hywel Teague; hint)

(Props: Mouastarz209; hint)

Yesterday we took a look at some classic MMA moments recreated in MS Paint, and suffice it to say, Potato Nation was inspired. Thanks to everyone who e-mailed us drawings of their own, many of which made us laugh our asses off. Our two favorites are above, and a few more are after the jump. Yes, you’re all eligible for free t-shirts.

(Cancel those food stamp applications, boys.  Things are going to be okay.)

Just as the MMA world had digested the news that welterweight Tamdan McCrory and middleweight Thales Leites were being released from the UFC following decision losses at UFC 101, Dana White throws us all for a loop by telling Kevin Iole that not only are they both still employed with the organization, he apparently “wasn’t aware of plans to drop both Leites and welterweight Tamdan McCrory and said he would reverse those decisions.”

(‘Let’s talk about boys!’)

With Strikeforce’s big Gina Carano vs. "Cyborg" Santos main event on Showtime just a day away, we go head-to-head to determine just how unmissable this card is after all the injuries, whether Nick Diaz has hurt our feelings for good, and more in this edition of Ben vs. Ben.

After all the injuries and changes to the line-up, where does this Strikeforce card rank on your must-see MMA spectrum?

BF: If we’re looking at a 10-point scale, with 10 being UFC 100 and 1 being YAMMA Pit Fighting, I give the current iteration of this Strikeforce card a 6.5.  Originally it was probably at least an eight, maybe even a nine.  Then it lost Overeem, Thomson, and Riggs.  Then it actually got a little better when Jay Hieron stepped in.  Then Nick Diaz declined to even submit to a piss test and, well, this is where we find ourselves now.  

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Well this is interesting. The WEC convinced die-hard MMA fan Shaquille O’Neal to cut a promo for their Cerrone vs. Henderson show on September 2nd. "They’re lucky I’m a heavyweight," Shaq says. Still, would it have killed you to knock over a cardboard cutout of Cowboy? In a related story, O’Neal’s upcoming ABC series Shaq Vs. will be hosted by the UFC’s own Mike Goldberg.

(Kickin’ asses, breakin’ hearts, and stealin’ robes from Courtyard Marriotts. Props: sports.sho.com)

Strikeforce distributed a press release yesterday evening announcing that Phil Baroni had been released by the organization, citing Baroni’s "one-sided defeat" at the hands of Joe Riggs in June, and the fact that he’s lost four of his last seven fights. (Kind of harsh, since he’s also won three of his last four.) Said Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker: "We wish Phil the best of luck and hope he can revive his career. If he can, maybe one day, he can return and fight for us." The news was surprising for a couple reasons. First, have you ever heard of Strikeforce releasing a big name due to poor performance? It’s not like their welterweight division is so deep that they can be picky, and Baroni is a draw whether he wins or loses. Also, the vaguely negative tone of the press release seemed out of character for Strikeforce. Did something else happen behind the scenes?

The answer: Yeah, maybe. Immediately after the press release hit our inboxes, it was reported that Baroni had verbally agreed to a new contract with the UFC. The New York Badass compiled a 3-5 record in the UFC as a middleweight from 2001-2005, and was released after taking four consecutive losses. During his recent stint as a welterweight, Baroni has yet to defeat a fighter who currently holds a winning record, which seems to imply that the UFC’s offer to Baroni had more to do with sticking a thumb in Strikeforce’s eye than acquiring a promising 170-pounder. It also gives more credence to yesterday’s wild speculation about an upcoming season of TUF featuring old guys. Call us crazy now, but you’ll see.

Oh, Detroit News.  I can’t help but think that this headline was not properly proofread before being posted on your website.  It’s either that, or Forrest Griffin really is dead and the other two people arrested for his murder were Anderson Silva and Dana White.  If that’s the case, Dana, you’re going to want to do whatever Anderson says now that you boys are in the pokey together.  He could be a good friend to you.  A man with a mouth as pretty as yours is going to need good friends on the inside.

(In retrospect, Gina’s high heels might have been a better choice for a red carpet event than Cyborg’s Herman Munster boots.)

Saturday night’s Strikeforce women’s title fight between “Cyborg” Santos and Gina Carano is, without a doubt, the biggest fight in women’s MMA history.  It’s the first time a major organization has put two women in a main event bout, and it will mark the first time since her signing with EliteXC that we’ve seen Carano fight an opponent who doesn’t seem handpicked to suit her strengths.  

In other words, there’s a good chance Carano could lose for the first time.  That’s part of what makes this fight interesting, but if that happens, where does Strikeforce’s women’s division, and women’s MMA as a whole, go from there?

(If this is what’s going on inside a T.J. Maxx, why would you even need to go out back to get into a fight?)

Several of you alerted us to this story from the Kitsap Sun in Washington about a twenty-two-year-old man who provoked a fight with a group of people because he was “preparing for the Ultimate Fighting Championship and ‘he needed to practice getting knocked out so he could prepare.’”  Normally we’d just point and laugh and move on, but this story has so many terrific details that you simply couldn’t make up.

For instance:

- The man started this fight by throwing rocks at a group of men who “ranged in age from 15 to 50,” who were all, for some reason or another, hanging out behind a T.J. Maxx at 7:40 pm on a weeknight.  Guess their fathers never told them that nothing good happens behind a T.J. Maxx, ever, to anyone.

(Props: Sav Sci Blog via Fightlinker)

MMA’s most notorious steroid abuser is going to be juuuuuuust fine. On August 9th, just three weeks after testing positive for steroids for the third time in his career, and destroying Affliction’s MMA promotion, Josh Barnett was back in Japan for Antonio Inoki’s IGF Genome 9 show, where he performed in a tag-team wrestling performance with three other larger-than-life figures: Bob Sapp, Yoshihiro Takayama, and Naoya Ogawa. Part one is above; part two is after the jump. I’m not a connoisseur of puroresu by any means, but even I know that the Ogawa/Takayama sequence at the 3:12-4:57 mark is some garbage-ass shit. How much did your dignity cost, Josh?

(Props: Spike via BloodyElbow)

Spike TV has released a whole mess of interview clips featuring the stars of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights, which premieres September 16th after UFC Fight Night 19. The clip at the top is your standard Rampage vs. Rashad gum-flapping session, with Quinton Jackson saying that the Team Rashad heavyweights are "lil’ bitty," "garbage," and "booboo." (?) Meanwhile, Rashad predicts a lot of tantrums from his rival. The second video reveals something interesting that I guess we should have seen coming — Evans’s "assistant coach" will be none other than game-plan master Greg "Yoda" Jackson. Once you hear Greg talk about "personal growth plans" for each fighter, it’s hard to imagine how Team Rampage will compete in the mental game.

Now let’s check in with some of TUF 10‘s heavyweight hopefuls…

After weeks of build-up to her fight with “the face of women’s MMA,” Cris “Cyborg” Santos has had enough of the “Beauty and the Beast” comparisons.  Talking with her via her interpreter this week, her frustration with the popular media storyline for the Strikeforce main event bout against Gina Carano was palpable, as was her lingering resentment towards Josh Barnett for the remarks he made about her inability to make weight in her last outing.  This time, she assures us, will be different.   

Check out what she had to say about the importance of this fight for women’s MMA, what she thinks of Carano’s popularity and her own relative obscurity, plus more in this interview.

Thanks for talking with me, Cris.  You got a lot of criticism for coming in over weight in your last fight.  How has the weight cut gone this time, and what are you weighing as of today?  [note: this interview took place on Monday, 8/10]

I’m 155 right now.  I’m on a very strict diet and I have very capable people around me making sure I’m doing the weight cut right.  It will be hard to cut the weight, as usual, but I will get it done.

You also took some criticism for the explanation that you gave as to why you missed weight last time.  How did you feel about that?

(With the addition of Diaz, the boxing world now gives 13% less of a fuck than before.)

Apparently a full schedule of MMA training, triathlons, and bong hits isn’t keeping Nick Diaz busy enough, because less than a week after he pulled  out of a Strikeforce title fight with Jay Hieron due to his unwillingness to take a drug test the mercurial 209 area code-enthusiast has signed a boxing contract with veteran promoter Don “War-a-Week” Chargin.  

This is one of those scenarios where, when you say ‘veteran,’ what you really mean is old.  Chargin boasts that he’s one of the few people left in the business who was alive to see “Sugar” Ray Robinson fight.  And yet after sixty years promoting boxing matches, he’s now tempting fate by taking on Diaz.  Says Chargin in the press release announcing the news:

"I know the signing of a mixed martial arts fighter might be considered controversial by many boxing fans across the world. When the subject of mixed martial arts versus boxing arises, it always comes down to the boxer winning a boxing match easily and vice versa for MMA. However, after having seen the replays of Diaz’s fights over the course of his career, I truly believe that this kid has what it takes to really make for some very entertaining fights within boxing. While some would state that he’s merely a slugger possessing a good chin and a heavy work-rate, there’s something about his rhythm and fighting intelligence that really caught my eye."  

We’d like to direct your attention to a thread on the UG titled "You’re favorite MMA moments recreated in MS PAINT!", in which amatuer scribblers have made crude drawings of iconic moments in the sport using the beloved Windows drawing program. It’s by far the greatest thing I’ve seen all week; props to everybody who contributed. Lots more gems after the jump. If you think you can do better, e-mail your submissions to feedback@cagepotato.com.

(Photo courtesy of daylife.com.)

Yesterday, we mentioned that the UFC had made the unexpected decision to bring back old-timer Dennis Hallman after a four-year absence from the organization. Now we’ve learned that the UFC has re-signed another hardy veteran, adding a fight between 38-year-old Vladimir Matyushenko and Igor Pokrajac to UFC 103. A one-time UFC light-heavyweight title contender, Matyushenko went 3-2 in the UFC from 2001-2003, scoring wins over Yuki Kondo, Travis Wiuff, and Pedro Rizzo. Since then, the Janitor has gone 9-1, became the IFL’s light-heavyweight champion, and most recently won a decision over Jason Lambert at Call to Arms 1 in May. It was also reported that 35-year-old PRIDE/UFC vet Marcus Aurelio will be returning later this month at UFC 102. Between Vlad, Aurelio, Hallman, Ortiz, and the possibility that Chuck Liddell isn’t quite retired, it’s clear what’s going on here: TUF 11: Last Call. The coaches will be Chuck and Tito, the minimum age will be 33, and the winner will receive $100,000 in prescription medication.

(Try all you want, but you can’t argue with a collage, people.)

As long as we’re dwelling on MMA curses this week, our friends at MMA Scraps have created this handy little graphic to show the devastation that the possibly fictional/possibly terrifyingly real "MMA Live" Curse can wreak on any MMA fighter bold enough to don a sportcoat and stare awkwardly into ESPN’s internet TV cameras.  Oh, and Frank Mir too, who apparently is keeping things real casual-like out in Vegas.

The point is, appearing on "MMA Live" could very well be a one-way ticket to Beatdownville.  So we got to wondering, didn’t Randy Couture just appear on "MMA Live" a few days ago to do a UFC 101 recap?  And isn’t he taking on Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at UFC 102 at the end of August?  Seems like trouble a-brewin’ to us.  Then again, maybe that’s all just superstitious nonsense.  And pro athletes are never superstitious, right?  Guys?  Right?

We’ll remember you as a hero, Randy.  

If you’re anything like us you were surprised and a little saddened to hear that one of the UFC’s more entertaining and personable welterweights, Tamdan “The Barn Cat” McCrory, was released from the organization after losing a split decision to John Howard at UFC 101 last weekend.  Not only did he lose a squeaker against Howard that could have easily gone the other way, but even after the defeat he was still 3-3 in the UFC.  What happened to at least waiting until a guy lost two or sometimes even three in a row before cutting him loose?

But while we may be disappointed to see “The Barn Cat” go, he’s not letting it get him down.  When we contacted him this afternoon he said he plans to take his time, improve his skills, and then move up to middleweight where he feels more comfortable.

“It kind of comes with the territory,” McCrory said of his dismissal from the UFC.  “That’s what happens.  You’re only as good as your last fight, and all that other cliché bullshit.  You know they can drop you if you lose so that’s always on your mind.”

(Props: PunishmentFilms.tv/dragonman34)

How happy is Tito Ortiz to be back in the UFC? So happy that he would engage in an illicit homosexual kiss with his boss and former rival, Dana White. WHY ISN’T TMZ COVERING THIS?? Later, Ortiz revealed that White "had a hairy lip," and White scrubbed his tongue with steel wool.

After the jump: A quick video profile on new Octagon Girl Natasha Wicks (she’s not just a piece of meat, you guys — she has thoughts, emotions, and she loves the outdoors), some footage of Lyoto Machida training for Shogun, and an underrated Fedor Emelianenko fight, just because.

(In the edited-for cable version, Lesnar says "I’m gonna drink a [Bud] Light because Bud Light [is the best], and I might even [do something special for] my wife tonight.")

The first stage in Dana White’s plan to destroy Strikeforce and piss on their ashes comes this Saturday at 10 p.m. ET/PT, as Spike will air highlights from UFC 100. The replay card will look like this:

Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir
Dan Henderson vs. Michael Bisping
Alan Belcher vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama
Stephan Bonnar vs. Mark Coleman
Shannon Gugerty vs. Matt Grice
Jon Jones vs. Jake O’Brien