Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

August, 2009

UFC 102 Caption Contest: Winners!

(The photo that helped set a new record for Jenna Jameson midget porn jokes on CP.)

The good news is, our UFC 102 caption contest has come to a merciful end.  The bad news is, so few of the funnier ones among you seem to be in or around the Pacific Northwest.  Don’t worry, though.  We found ourselves a big winner anyway, and we’ve got some Fight Magazine subscriptions to give away to a couple others that made us chuckle.  Too bad it won’t be in time to get the September issue, featuring a cover story written by a certain dashing young scribe who shall remain nameless.  Better head out and pick that one up this week, available wherever kick-ass MMA publications are sold.

Here are our subscription winners, in no particular order:

Jet Li, a midget, and Tito Ortiz all indicating how many times they’ve brought Jenna Jameson to orgasm. – IrishLobo

For weeks to come, Extreme Couture smelled of Icy Hot, Herpecin, Crab Rangoon, Mediocrity, Nyquill and a little bit of stolen Mojo. – BigCountrysCholesterol

No matter how the hard The Thundercats attempted to blend into human society, Snarf always gave them away. – BrandedtoKill

And the winner of two free tickets to UFC 102 is…


Cris Cyborg to Lead Chute Boxe’s Rebirth in America

Cris Cyborg Chute Boxe MMA
(Cyborg, reppin’ her set. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

Not only did Cristiane "Cris Cyborg" Santos‘s drubbing of Gina Carano at the last Strikeforce event bring heaps of attention to women’s MMA, but it also made Chute Boxe relevant again. Though the Brazilian fight camp used to be a fearsome presence in the PRIDE era, it fell out of favor as its biggest stars all left to start their own teams. Now, Cris Cyborg is one of the most compelling champions in the sport, and Chute Boxe founder Rudimar Fedrigo is rewarding her with her own school. As he told Portal das Lutas:

“We talked a lot about it after the event and the Cyborg couple [Cristiane and Evangelista] will take the helm for Chute Boxe in the United States. In the coming days we should announce something about it, like where the gym will be…[Santos's Strikeforce title] is the eighth world title the academy has achieved. So it didn’t just make it into the history of women’s MMA, but into that of the academy. I’m really happy, there was great motivation behind it, with everyone training with desire and joy, and now Cris will keep it up to hold onto her belt."

Could we see a rebirth of Chute Boxe’s axe-murdering brawl-’til-you-fall style in the U.S.? And with Cris Cyborg as the face of the camp in America, will other female fighters be lured to Chute Boxe? No American MMA team is specifically known for producing great women fighters. It’ll be interesting to see if the Cyborgs recognize this opportunity and seize it.


Is Pat Miletich Returning to the UFC?

Pat Miletich UFC MMA
(Photo courtesy of mmafightspace)

After years of estrangement, legendary MMA fighter/trainer Pat Miletich and the UFC are seeing eye-to-eye again. As Miletich told MMA Madness following a meeting with Dana White at UFC 101, "We touched on me potentially fighting in the UFC again, but nothing was concrete. The door was left open, so that was good.” Now, as Bloody Elbow points out, the Croatian Sensation’s fighter profile has returned to

Miletich has only competed twice since leaving the UFC in 2002, losing to Renzo Gracie by submission at an IFL event in 2006, and knocking out Thomas Denny last December at Adrenaline 2. We’ve previously argued for his induction into the UFC Hall of Fame, and hopefully this is a sign that Miletich will be honored at a future event. But my God, could the 41-year-old really be returning to the Octagon? Sure, the UFC let Mark Coleman fight after inducting him into the Hall of Fame, but that’s because they needed somebody to throw at Lesnar. The justification for bringing back Miletich is much hazier — unless, of course, he’ll be fighting alongside Dennis Hallman and Phil Baroni on TUF 11. (No, I’m not letting this idea go. Get used to it.)


Must-See: Fastest MMA Knockout Ever + the History of the UFC Lightweight Belt

(Fight starts at the 0:58 mark. Props to NelsaoCB)

As the above video proves, Chris Clements and Steve Ramirez do not hold the record for fastest knockout in MMA history. At a Japanese event called "The Outsider 2" held last July, Ryohei Masuda caught Takahiro Kuroishi rushing in and knocked him into the land of wind and ghosts in two seconds flat. (Doesn’t that idiot know that the running start only works when Kid Yamamoto does it? Well, he does now.) Don’t ask us to explain the in-ring brawl that comes directly afterwards, though if there are any Japanese speakers in the house who can translate the narrator, please enlighten us.

After the jump: If you have 17 minutes free, check out this amazing timeline of the UFC’s lightweight title by our friend Koeikan. "Short People" FTW.


Shane Carwin Doesn’t Like Brock Lesnar’s Taste in Beer, Either

Shane Carwin
(Bud Light enthusiast/big scary dude Shane Carwin.)

Dana White was quick to latch on to the personal angle when playing up the Brock Lesnar/Shane Carwin title fight planned for UFC 106 on November 21, telling Dave Meltzer that Carwin “hates” Lesnar.  When I got in touch with The Engineer of Pain for this feature, he told me that, “hate is a strong word, but yeah, I hate what he did after UFC 100.  I hate that he disrespected the greatest sporting fans in the world and I can’t wait to fight him.”

Carwin was also critical of Lesnar’s tirade against Bud Light – not just as a fellow UFC employee, but also as beer-drinker:

“[T]alking trash about your boss’s business partners is just ridiculous.  I live in Colorado, the home of Coors, and me and my friends drink Bud Light.  Can he really even like Coors?  Or is he saying if you pay him enough money he will drink anything?”

An argument over domestic beer.  Great fights have been built on less, I suppose.  And if you’re wondering whether fighting for the UFC heavyweight title is enough to make Carwin quit his full-time job as an engineer, he’s got news for you:


Friday Link Dump

(Matt Hughes hawks something that looks like cocaine for deers, promises to help you knock out a buck. Props: The Garv)

- Frank Fertitta II, father to Lorenzo and Frank III, dead at 71. (Yahoo)

- Seth Petruzelli discusses possible Kimbo Slice rematch. (Fanhouse)

- Check out the ludicrous character names for "The Expendables." (Fightlinker)

- UFC 106 has big time pay-per-view potential. (MMA Payout)

- Penn vs. Sanchez to headline UFC 105? (Inside Fights)

- Arianny Celeste keeps her clothes on at the Playboy Mansion. (Twitter)

- Ryan Couture fights in Vegas on Saturday night. (MMA Madness)

- Denis Kang offered fight with Bisping at UFC 105. (Fighters Only)

- Shaq boxes Oscar De La Hoya. (MMA TKO)

- Top 10 MMA fighters under 25. (Bleacher Report)

- Top 49 most influential men of 2009. (Ask Men)

- 12 weirdest hotel rooms from around the world. (Asylum)

- Real TV commercials of the "Mad Men" age. (Screen Junkies)

- Pressure point kill guide. (Made Man)

- 25 hot vintage babes. (Holy Taco)

- Wreck of the Week: girls mud-wrestling. (All Left Turns)

- Great one-punch KO in boxing match. (Nothing Toxic)


If You Aren’t Reading This Xtreme Couture Training Diary, You Oughta Be

You might remember that a while back we pointed you to Fight Magazine’s “Full-Time Fighter” contest, in which they were giving one lucky MMA hopeful a free trip to Las Vegas to train with Shawn Tompkins and Xtreme Couture for a week.  We voted for Drew Dober, who is 6-0 in his young career.  Somebody must have agreed with us because he was voted the winner,  though after voicing our mostly uninformed opinion we pretty much forgot about the whole thing and went back to LOL-ing at all the ‘tarded things Tito Ortiz says.  You know, business as usual.

But now Drew is actually in Vegas training with Xtreme Couture and chronicling his experiences.  There’s something weirdly fascinating about it.  I would say it’s because it makes you realize what it would be like for a regular guy to live and train with pro fighters, only this kid is undefeated as a pro and once knocked a dude out in sixteen seconds at a Strikeforce event, so he’s not exactly just some punk they yanked out of a dorm room recliner somewhere.

Mainly it’s interesting because there’s a disconnect between the experience this guy seems to be having, and his interpretation of it.  When he describes getting his ass kicked by serious pros twice a day, every day, he seems to think it’s loads of fun.  For example:


CagePotato Comments of the Week

Cris Cyborg Cristiane Evangelista Santos MMA
(Nine months later, Cris gave birth to a litter of wolverines. Photo courtesy of

Wow, TGIF you guys, amirite? We might as well give away some obsolete t-shirts. (Don’t worry, a new design is in the works. These things take time.) This week’s big winners are…

Sneaky Pete on "Scott Coker Viciously Punk’d by Cris Cyborg": Of all the parties involved with the prank, I think the hypothetical baby was the most relieved.

agentsmith on "Mitsuhiro Ishida Claims Gilbert Melendez Was Greasy": I’m reserving judgement on this matter until I hear what Ishida’s mother has to say.

And finally, a "Classic MMA Moments Recreated in MS Paint" submission that hits very close to home…


Paulo Filho Guarantees He’d Beat Gegard Mousasi, Puts His Whole Damn Hypothetical Purse On It

Paulo Filho Melvin Manhoef MMA DREAM
(Just like armbarring a bike: Filho emerges from an eight-month hiatus to take out Melvin Manhoef at DREAM.10 last month.)

In all our hand-wringing about the lack of challenges for Gegard Mousasi, we may have overlooked one formerly fearsome recovering addict — and Paulo Filho wants you to know that he will not be ignored. From via WatchKalibRun:

“I wanna fight Mousasi and show that with against me is a whole different thing… He doesn’t have my strength, he doesn’t have my level on the ground. He can be a better striker, but he doesn’t have my strength and he’ll go down once and be submitted…He’s well trained, but I don’t think he’s healthy enough to beat me…If he wins, I don’t even want my salary. But I guarantee he’ll be beaten more than he was against (Akihiro) Gono."

Caption Contest: Win Tickets to UFC 102

(To this day Jet Li still isn’t convinced that this photo wasn’t somehow taken during an interesting, though slightly terrifying dream he had after passing out drunk with Spike TV blaring in the background.)

Good news for the Pacific Northwest portion of the Potato Nation.  We have two free tickets to give away to UFC 102 in Portland, Oregon next weekend – thanks to our good buddies at Fight Magazine – and we’re going to give them to whoever can most successfully amuse us with a caption for the above image.  Just ask the winner of our UFC 101 tickets, Lebowski1976, and he’ll tell you that it’s totally worth the struggle if it means you get to pour beer on some loudmouth jerk from your free seats at a UFC event.

As usual, if your entry does not tell us that you are geographically capable of actually attending the event, we’re going to assume that you aren’t and therefore no matter how LOL-worthy your entry is, you’ll still be watching UFC 102 from home.  However, this time around we do have a special, non-regionally exclusive consolation prize for a few select runners-up: a year’s subscription to Fight Magazine.

So go ahead, give us your best shot in the comments section.  We’ll comb through the entries and announce our winners early next week.  And no, we won’t give a damn if you thought yours was funnier.  We read it, and it wasn’t.  We’re absolutely positive.