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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

September, 2009

Videos: MMA Fighters Shill for ‘Tekken 6′, Genki Sudo Goes Pop


Tekken 6 MMA Boxing Live Action Trailer – Watch more Game Trailers
(Props: Break.com Game Trailers)

Above is the live-action trailer for Tekken 6, which succeeds in being awesome despite the fact that the game itself is only briefly shown at the end. The gist is, fighters from all walks of life — Josh Barnett, Dan Hardy, and Evander Holyfield, among others — discuss what drew them to fighting and why they do it. I guess they’re supposed to represent the different styles and mindsets in the video game, though the montage fails to include boxing kangaroos or a sentient wooden training dummy. There is, however, a Tekken 6 character that’s clearly based on Roy Nelson.

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This Is the Way the World Ends: Tank Abbott vs. Butterbean to Headline ‘Alabama Pride’ in December

Tank Abbott MMA
(Too old for this shit vs. Too fat for this shit.)

It was the fight that needed to happen. Well, maybe needed is too strong a word, but vodka bottles and turkey legs don’t grow on trees, and it’s either this or substitute teaching. That’s right, freak-fight-fans: UFC pioneer Tank Abbott (10-14) and beach-ball-shaped knockout artist Eric "Butterbean" Esch (13-7-1 MMA, 77-7-4 boxing) will be getting it on at a Thunder Promotions MMA event called "Alabama Pride," which will go down December 12th at the BJCC Arena in Birmingham. Amazingly, both men are coming off wins. Abbott snapped a four-fight losing streak in February with his KO via rabbit punches of Mike Bourke. Butterbean last competed ten days ago, defeating Tom Howard by RNC in a fight that looked like it might have been a work; either that, or Tom Howard really is a belly-flopping pussy (no offense).

Now, Butterbean and Tank will finally get to see who has the better haymakers. But don’t be surprised if Bean tools Tank on the ground; he’s honed his grappling at American Top Team, and his last four wins have come by submission. "Alabama Pride" also promises a celebrity fight between rapper DMX and Eric Martinez, who’s so famous that Wikipedia has never heard of him. If anybody can shed some light, please do so in the comments section.

After the jump: The event poster, and why Tank vs. Bean probably won’t be decided by leg kicks.

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Herschel Walker: Talkin’ Crazy


(Walker’s steely focus is unwavering even — nay, *especially* — while giving his autograph to a pair of boobs. More HW pics at Combat Lifestyle.)

We still don’t know whether former NFL running back Herschel Walker can fight, but at least his appearance on ESPN’s “First Take” proved that he can talk as crazy a game as anyone in MMA, with the possible exception of Dan Quinn.  During an appearance to talk about his recent signing with Strikeforce, the 47-year-old Heisman Trophy winner challenged Dana White to a charity bout, expressed an interest in fighting Brock Lesnar, and said it would be no problem for him to beat up all the heavyweights on this season of “The Ultimate Fighter.”  Yep, that pretty much covers all the bases.  Someone’s done their MMA trash-talking homework: 

"Dana always tells people to put their money where their mouth is. I tell Dana if he thinks I’m so old, why doesn’t he step in the ring with me? He’s been practicing (MMA) as well. So maybe Dana and I can give all the money to charity. …I’ll put dimes to donuts, all the heavyweights on his show right now, I will beat.  That’s pretty easy to say.”

I gotta admit, I’m impressed.  It’s one thing to call out another fighter or promoter.  But to call out an entire reality show’s worth of fighters at once, and to say that it would be easy to beat them all down, despite the fact that you’ve never had a pro MMA fight?  Look out, Quinn.  If Herschel gets a camera to mount on his steering wheel, your days of being MMA’s undisputed nutcase may be at an end.

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Dream’s Identity Crisis

Dream cage
(Even in the artist’s rendition nobody shows up for this.)

Behold, the hexagonal cage that will make its debut at Dream.12 on October 25.  Sure, it seems to have geometrical peculiarities that the Octagon doesn’t have, such as the two sides of the fence that are way longer than all the other sides, but at least they had the good sense not to refer to it as The Hex, which is still the most profoundly bad MMA marketing idea this side of The YAMMA.  According to Dream’s announcement, this cage won’t become their go-to surface for all events from now on.  Instead, they plan to hold one special cage event each year, presumably to keep that wrathful God(zilla?) from destroying their island nation.

In addition to their new cage, Dream.12 will supposedly feature fights that are three, five-minute rounds.  Right now they’ve got a pretty sweet lightweight fight between DEEP champ Katsunori Kikuno and Eddie Alvarez, along with a group of “planned participants” that includes Alistair Overeem, Marius Zaromskis, and crazy ass Paulo Filho.  In other words, it could be a pretty solid event if those guys all actually show up.  So why is Dream trying to become a half-assed version of the UFC?

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Dan Hardy and Mike Swick On the Same Page Re: Beating Each Other’s Asses

Jon Fitch Mike Swick Dan Hardy Edith Labelle UFC
(What a difference five months makes. Now, Swick and Hardy are mortal enemies, Edith has been replaced by a blonde, and Jon Fitch is currently living in Seattle as "Joan Fitch." Photo courtesy of MikeSwick.com.)

In our exclusive interview with Mike Swick yesterday, Quick referred to Dan Hardy as a "good guy" and a "very genuine person," but still vowed to beat him up on November 14th. Luckily, Hardy feels the same way. Here’s his assessment of his next opponent from UFC.com’s official announcement of the match:

“I like Mike, he’s a top bloke. We did a PR tour of Germany together earlier in the year and we got on very well. He’s a fun guy, good company and I really respect him for all the charity work he does with the Troops. It was funny, we kept joking that we were hanging out, playing X-Box, watching movies and stuff on this tour bus together in Germany for a week and yet would probably be fighting each other someday. That day is about five weeks away now, and I am sorry, Mike, but I’m still going to deliver one hell of a beating at UFC 105 — the kind of beating which will be very uncomfortable viewing for every other welterweight in the UFC. Mike’s been around for longer than I have in the UFC, but his best win is over Marcus Davis, like with me, but even though he got a unanimous decision I feel I beat Marcus worse than he did.”
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Video: Chuck Liddell’s Angry Tango on Dancing With the Stars


(Props: bruceleesspirit)

During his debut appearance on Dancing With the Stars last week, Chuck Liddell tried to pretend that he was Mr. Nice Guy Charming Won’t Punch Your Face In, and his discomfort was palpable. Last night, the gloves came off (literally), and Chuck was out for blood. Highlights included Anna Trebunskaya’s spot-on John Hackleman impression at the very beginning, and the insane Iceman pose at 1:14. (Is he going to end every dance like that from now on? We can only hope.) The performance earned Liddell a score of 19, which tied him for second-to-last with three other competitors. Only Tom DeLay and Kathy Ireland fared worse, with scores of 18. In other words, the Iceman will probably live to dance another day.

Oh, and by the way?

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Exclusive: Mike Swick Talks Dan Hardy, Paul Daley, and Says AKA Fighters Aren’t Done Calling Out Matt Hughes

Mike Swick UFC 99
(King of the world.)

While a concussion sustained in training cost him a chance to fight Martin Kampmann to determine the UFC’s top welterweight contender, Mike Swick didn’t have to wait long for another fight offer to come his way.  The AKA product has agreed to face Dan Hardy at UFC 105 in Manchester, England on November 14,  and the winner will likely get the next shot at Georges St. Pierre’s title.  We called up Swick to discuss the news, and to ask him some other pressing questions, like, what’s up with AKA fighters and their fixation on calling out Matt Hughes?  As usual, Swick did not disappoint.

So you and Dan Hardy at UFC 105.  Is this official, bout agreements signed and everything?

Yeah, I signed it right when it came in.

What did you think when they offered you Hardy?

I was excited just to get the opportunity.  I actually agreed before I knew who it was.  The UFC just called me and asked if I’d like to fight on November 14 and I said yes.  Then later my manager called as well and said that there was an injury and they needed a replacement, and I told him to tell the UFC that whoever it was they had in mind, I’d fight him.  So the UFC came back and said it’s Dan Hardy, or if for some reason Dan Hardy can’t make the fight it could be someone else, and I said yeah, let’s do it.  I’m just excited to get back in there.  I didn’t want to have to wait until January.

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Got a Question For Shane Carwin? He’s All Ears (and Enormous Fists)


(‘What’s my all-time favorite war? That’s your question? Come on, man. Franco-Prussian, obviously. No contest.’)

Remember a few weeks ago when we made a bet with Shane Carwin involving the University of Montana/Western State football game?  The deal was, if Western won we had to write an article about all the ways Carwin is better than us (for example, there’s this), but if they lost he had to give us an exclusive interview.  Well, Western didn’t just lose.  They got blown out 38-0.  Now it’s time for us to collect.

But rather than simply pestering Carwin with the usual questions about his preparation for Brock Lesnar and his alma mater’s complete inability to convert on third down, we decided to open the floor to you, our readers, and see what you’d like to ask the big man.  Before submitting your question for Carwin in the comments below, you might want to start by asking yourself:

1) Would I still ask him this if we were alone in a windowless room together?
2) Does anyone other than me actually care about the answer to this question?
3) Did I accidentally leave my caps lock button on?  For the last several months?

Once you’ve done that, you’re ready to put a question to the Engineer.  Go ‘head, knock yourself out.  We’ll look them over and choose the ones we like best for inclusion in the interview.  Check back later in the week to see if your question made the cut, as well as to find out exactly what Carwin thinks of your query.  Think of this as your chance to atone for failing to come up with a nickname that he liked.

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Photo of the Day: Chuck Liddell’s Sock Puppet Routine Fails to Cheer Up Dance Partner

Anna Trebunskaya Chuck Liddell Dancing With the Stars
(Props: CagePotato reader Richard T.)

Heart breaker/dream maker/love taker Chuck Liddell assaults the dancefloor again on tonight’s installment of Dancing With the Stars (ABC, 8/7c), following his debut last week, which kind of sucked, but not as much as Macy Gray’s. As you can see from the above photo, Chuck’s dance partner Anna Trebunskaya may already be cracking from the pressure of dealing with the Iceman, though Liddell himself seems to be having a freakin’ blast. Seriously, I wonder what kind of crazy voices he was doing to go along with those Henson-caliber sock puppets! More Please, indeed! Anyway, watch and vote if you have absolutely nothing better to do tonight.

After the jump: Dancin’ Chuck reimagined as a Simpson character, courtesy of Fightlinker/ScritchandScratch.

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Watch This: The Brett Rogers Staredown Challenge, DREAM Featherweight GP Recap + More


Watch more Asylum videos on AOL Video

According to undefeated Strikeforce heavyweight Brett Rogers in the above video, you can usually tell how a fight is going to go down by the pre-fight faceoff. And so, three brave online editors decided to test their staredown might against the Grim, with decidedly mixed results. First up is cherubic Asylum.com writer Jordan Newmark, who nearly poops his suit-pants when Rogers penetrates deeply into his soul. But in round two, Asylum editor Jake Goodrich holds his ground despite his significant height disadvantage. (Jake was also standing on a milk crate when this was filmed.) And finally, Lemondrop.com editor Laura Gilbert evens the score with a set of Manson lamps that earns Brett’s full respect and discomfort. Also worth watching: Jordan asks Fedor Emelianenko what he really thought of Rocky IV.

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