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Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

September, 2009

Cage Potato Ban: Offering to Fight For Free


(‘Rampage, I’m not saying that you’ve turned into a little Spencer Pratt-acting, Hollywood punk bitch. But your actions and your statements lately have been very Spencer Pratt, Hollywood punk bitch-esque.’)

It’s been a while since old CP had to lay the ban hammer down on something.  Ever since people stopped comparing Kimbo Slice to Mike Tyson, it just hasn’t seemed quite as necessary.  But when we read both Rashad Evans and “Rampage” Jackson insisting, on separate days and in separate venues, that they would fight one another for free, we felt that we had no choice.  It stops here, gentlemen.  No more offering to fight for free.  

Here’s why:

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Video: “Mayhem” Miller Flips Out on EA Sports MMA Game Designers

Going somewhere with “Mayhem” Miller is in many ways like going somewhere with a live chimpanzee.  He can act human-like for extended periods of time, but there’s always a chance that he’s going to throw his poop at someone, probably at the exact worst moment.  The designers of the EA Sports game must have been feeling that way when they showed Mayhem his character in their video game.  Turns out they didn’t give him a very high skill rating, and he’s not going to be content to just boycott the game like T.J. Houshmandzadeh.  AllElbows.com captures his reaction in this video (for the full video of Mayhem and King Mo hanging out at EA Sports, go here) which is fun if only because it’s probably going to provide these video game designers with interesting stories to tell over dinner for the next six months.  Then their friends will all get tired of them again and everyone will go back to talking about TV shows in between bouts of uncomfortable silence and chewing.

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‘Strikeforce Challengers: Cummings vs. Kennedy’ Goes Down Tonight in Tulsa

Zak Cummings Tim Kennedy MMA Strikeforce
(Zak Cummings and Tim Kennedy engage in a vicious staredown at yesterday’s weigh-ins. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin / Strikeforce.)

We may be entering a month-long UFC drought until "Machida vs. Shogun," but all is not lost. Strikeforce is putting on its latest "Challengers" event tonight at the SpiritBank Event Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma; the main card will be broadcast live on Showtime starting at 11 p.m. ET/8 p.m. PT. Here’s what’s in store…

Tim Kennedy (10-2) vs. Zak Cummings (10-0)
Army Ranger Tim Kennedy, who most recently scored a TKO over Nick Thompson at the last Strikeforce Challengers show in June, takes on undefeated middleweight prospect Zak Cummings, who enters the fight as a replacement for the injured Evangelista "Cyborg" Santos. Cummings defeated Terry Martin by split-decision earlier this year, and most recently scored a TKO victory over Dominic Brown in May.

Ray "Sugarfoot" Sefo (1-0) vs. Kevin Jordan  (11-7)
Five-time Muay Thai world champion Ray Sefo, who hasn’t competed in MMA since a knockout of Min Soo Kim in 2005, tries his hand at cagefighting once again in this heavyweight bout against journeyman Kevin Jordan, who you might remember from his UFC losses to Paul Buentello and Gabriel Gonzaga. On August 1st, Jordan won a unanimous decision over UFC old-schooler Patrick Smith, breaking a two-fight losing streak.

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Josh Thomson Breaks Leg Again, Hopes for December Return

Josh Thompson Punk MMA
("I’ll have the usual." Photo courtesy of MMA TKO.)

We can officially add Strikeforce lightweight champ Josh Thomson to the list of Epically Cursed fighters that already includes James Irvin and Amir Sadollah. The Punk told MMA Weekly that he re-broke his leg in training, postponing his return — and rematch against interim champion Gilbert Melendez — even further:

“I was really just playing around, just working on my technique, and this kid, this little blue belt, grabbed a leglock—I was wearing a gi—and I couldn’t slide my leg out. He just bellied out on the leglock in the standing position and you just heard the bone go crunch. The hairline fracture turned into an actual break.”
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Just ‘Cause: Natasha Wicks Topless in a Leather Jacket

Natasha Wicks UFC Octagon girl
(Tell me you’re not getting on that thing without a helmet. Unsafe, Natasha.)

This month’s Fight Magazine girl is none other than UFC Octagon girl Natasha Wicks.  There’s also a picture of Fedor Emelianenko on the cover and an article about him penned by redheaded raconteur and friend of the Potato, Neal Taflinger, but because there is a disturbing lack of boobs in those pictures we just skimmed through the article.  We assume it was great, though.  Among the things we learn about Natasha in her interview with Fight:

- She was homeschooled until high school (uh-oh)
- She got a track scholarship to Northern Arizona University, but left to join a "missionary-type program that helps disaster victims."
- She loves to laugh (and aren’t we all sick of those chicks who hate laughter?)
- She’s single, but wants someone with "the initiative to go out and do stuff and take life by the handles" (dammit, life has handles? and after we’ve wasted so much time looking for the horns)

As you probably guessed, there are plenty more pictures of Natasha in various states of near-nudity in the magazine.  Check it out.  If Taflinger asks, tell him we said you should buy it because of his Fedor article. 

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‘TUF 10′ Cutting Room Floor: Titties Killed a Bird

Rashad Evans Darrill Schoonover James McSweeney MMA UFC TUF 10
(Click the image to go to the video on Spike.com)

For the most part, Team Rashad is all lovey-dovey brotherhood and positive visualization, and that’s clearly worked for them so far. But all is not well in the land of the black-and-yellow. Left out of last night’s episode was an incident in which Darrill "Titties" Schoonover accidentally crushed and drowned a bird in the backyard. As he’s telling the story to Rashad and MVA, he puts on a high-pitched voice — simply to set the scene and give it some much-needed drama — which James McSweeney takes as direct mockery. The spazzy kickboxer gets up in Darrill’s face, and Titties removes his glasses, ready to throw down. "You think you’re a big man?" McSweeney says. "You’ll get fuckin’ served right up…I will knock you the fuck out. I ain’t a li’ul bird."

Rashad is able to chill McSweeney out later, but it’s clear that their little happy-go-lucky bubble has been punctured. Team Rampage assistant Hector Ramirez witnesses the near-debacle and runs to tell Tiki Ghosn that their rival team might be fracturing. It probably isn’t, but after Team Rashad finishes running the table during the round-of-16, his guys will have to start fighting each other, and we may see Schoonover vs. McSweeney before long.

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Rashad Evans Looks Toward Thiago Silva for Post-TUF Replacement Fight

Rashad Evans Lyoto Machida MMA UFC
Thiago Silva Lyoto Machida UFC MMA
(And the circle of life continues…)

Following Quinton Jackson’s Baracus-related retirement, we began wondering what would be next for odd-man-out Rashad Evans. Well, he already has a fight in mind, and it sounds as good as any other. According to MMA Fanhouse, Evans could be fighting Thiago Silva sometime this winter. Said Sugar:

"Thiago Silva is a good fighter, I’d like to fight him and I think he wants to fight me. When I saw him after he fought Keith Jardine, he kind of gave me a nasty look that I interpreted like he wanted to take me on, and I’d like that…He’s a great striker, and I love his focus. He’s going to be a challenge, and that’s the kind of fight I want."
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You Can Stop Waiting For Dana White to Mock Strikeforce’s Herschel Walker Signing


(The old arms-crossed staredown. That’s how they used to settle disputes in the Old West. At least before they discovered the practice of shooting each other.)

You knew it was only a matter of time.  To Dana White, signing a 47-year-old former NFL player to your roster of MMA fighters is like sending a skinny, fake-breasted, dolled-up blonde chick over to talk Chuck Liddell in a nightclub.  The response is predictable.  Talking with Fanhouse’s Mike Chiapetta, White started off a little slow this time, calling the signing simply “ridiculous,” instead of opting for the more vehement “fucking ridiculous,” that we’ve come to expect.  But don’t worry, he didn’t stop there:

"People think we’re anti-competition? We’re anti-dumb competition. Doing stupid things like this, putting a 50-year-old guy in the Octagon for the first time, and then going out there putting out press releases like it’s a big deal because you signed a 50-year-old Herschel Walker? Are you serious? …Strikeforce is a small, little, regional show.  The geniuses over at Showtime, these guys are the most arrogant, cocky, pompous jackasses I’ve ever met in my whole life. … Which athletic commission is going to let this guy fight?  Who the fuck are they going to find to fight Herschel Walker? A guy in a wheelchair?”

Now we await White’s apology to the American Association of People with Disabilities, wherein he takes the opportunity to say that he totally believes there are some guys in wheelchairs who could beat Walker in an MMA fight.  But White also lambasted the move as “disrespectful to the sport,” which seems like grounds enough for us to ask, does he have a point, or is he just saying what Dana White says when a competitor does anything?

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It’s Over: Cro Cop Calls It Quits, Disbands Team, Lingers a Moment in Empty Gym Before Quietly Turning Off the Lights


(‘My heart, she breaks.’)

The sadists among you who were hoping Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic would go back home to Croatia and rediscover the will to fight by repeatedly kicking a wall at his family’s home, well, you’re about to be disappointed.  Cro Cop has now officially called it quits, telling Nokaut.com that he has “no motivation left and it’s time to leave.”  He also reportedly told his manager, Zvonimir Lucic, to release the various members of Team Cro Cop, which we assume included a young, bright-eyed intern who refused to accept the news and tried in vain to get a “Cro Cop” chant going even as everyone else filed silently out of the room.  

A sad day in MMA history, but a necessary one.  The game just ain’t in him no more.  We’ve already paid him a tribute, but allow us to dedicate one more video after the jump:

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‘TUF 10′ Episode 2 Recap: Too Pooped to Party

Wes Shivers James McSweeney TUF 10

Last week, we saw one of the bloodiest fights in TUF history. This week brought us one of the ugliest, as James McSweeney and Wes Shivers proved that they’re not quite ready for primetime. Plus, Roy Nelson lands on Team Rashad’s shitlist and Kimbo Slice gets picked to fight.

The episode opens with Justin Wren and Roy Nelson talking about how they both want to take out Kimbo. Says Big Country: "I’ve been trying to get that one for years." Foreshadowing!

In practice, Rampage "got specialness" for Kimbo, and his coaches give the Miami Pound Machine a crash course on ground-fighting, while Kimbo tries to sponge it up. Meanwhile, Rashad Evans is feeling good about his team and wants to make sure his guys are mentally strong and moldable, but Roy spends most of his practice time joking around and pushing back against his coaches. Team Rashad assistant coach Trevor Wittman gives him a firm dressing-down in the locker room: "To me, you’re uncoachable…instead of listening, you always have a rebuttal…you got knocked out by Arlovski, do you want that to happen again? If you don’t want to keep it serious, I’m gonna ask Rampage if he needs another guy."

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