(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

"Can [Kimbo Slice] be a successful heavyweight? I don’t think so. I think 100% he’s in the wrong weight class, that’s to begin with…But I don’t necessarily think Kimbo can get to 205, at 35 years of age, with the wear and tear. It’s tough to learn this sport, this sport is a lot different than boxing because with boxing you only have to use your hands. In mixed martial arts, you use your hands, your feet, you grapple on the ground, you use submissions. That is a lot of knowledge to retain, and at some point your body starts to shuts down on you in life…Kimbo’s in the wrong sport, there’s no doubt about that. Kimbo should be in boxing…If you want to be the best of the best, if you want to make the most money possible for your family like you say, then you probably should have went to the square-circle."

So says former EliteXC VP Jared "$kala" Shaw, who has now been out of the MMA game for over a year, and recently checked in for an interview with Fanhouse. Despite the criticism of Kimbo’s career choices, Shaw harbors no ill will towards the TUF 10 star, and is proud of the time he spent promoting fighters like Slice, Gina Carano, and Brett Rogers — and if the UFC or Strikeforce wants to give him a job, he’s totally down. It’s a more reflective, slightly-less-cocky version of $kala than we’re used to seeing, even when he’s indirectly taking credit for Gina’s budding movie career. Later in the interview, Shaw tells us that his music is coming along, and he hopes to drop it on us next year. Also, Herschel Walker is a joke, and Bob Arum is an embarassment to the Jewish race. Pot, meet thrifty, lactose-intolerant kettle…

(Props: Hulu)

With great hesitation and extremely low expectations, I decided to watch last night’s episode of The Simpsons, in which Marge Simpson tries to put a stop to Springfield’s new obsession with mixed martial arts, and ends up cage-fighting a male promoter in order to save her community. And yeah, it was pretty lame that MMA was referred to as "Ultimate Punching," and was portrayed as a referee-less bloodsport in which men can fight housewives in a septagon, of all shapes. But I have to admit I L’dMFAO, and if you have 20 minutes free during your workday, you should definitely check it out. Some things I liked:

(Props: jay2005us)

Last night at a Gladiator Challenge event at the Shingle Springs Rancheria — near the Red Hawk Casino in Placerville, California — Dan Quinn harnessed the combined power of the White Cure and all his departed angels to knock Bond Lapua‘s teeth down his throat. Lapua, who may have been making his MMA debut, came out like a house on fire, snapping some nasty leg kicks and landing a crushing right hand that almost ended Dan’s night, then beating him up a bit in the clinch. I dare you to guess what happened next, player. After a few well-placed power punches, Lapua Cro-Copped out of the fight, a thoroughly broken man.

The TKO over Lapua was Quinn’s second straight victory. Remember when we used to laugh at this dude for even suggesting that he could take out Kimbo Slice? Quinn vs. Slice, October 2009, no leg kicks, no takedowns, just throwin’ hands: Who takes it?

(Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Though various MMA pundits called the decision bullshit, a royal screw-job, and a miscarriage of justice, it’s undeniable that Benson Henderson is one of the toughest bastards to ever put on fingerless gloves. In last night’s interim lightweight title fight at WEC 43, Henderson survived an endless assault of chokes and armlocks courtesy of Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone that would leave the average fighter asleep with shattered limbs. But in a controversial end to the thrilling five-rounder, all judges scored the fight 48-47 for Smooth due to his consistent takedowns and ground-and-pound. Not that Henderson was always dominant from the top position: At one point in the second round, Cerrone landed enough punches from his back that Henderson appeared to be momentarily dazed. Cowboy shouted to the referee that his opponent was out, but Henderson quickly recovered. In the end, it was just the latest in a string of WEC main events that could be considered 2009′s Fight of the Year; if you missed it, click here. Henderson will now take on Cerrone’s old nemesis Jamie Varner at a WEC event to be named later. 

Elsewhere on the card, what we were calling the biggest squash match of the year turned into what may be the upset of the year as Miguel Torres student Mackens Semerzier — who came into the fight as a 3-0 rookie — somehow managed to lock in a triangle-choke in the first round against top-ranked jiu-jitsu ace Wagnney Fabiano. After scoring a takedown, Fabiano got a little sloppy in Semerzier’s guard and paid the price. Also, Raphael Assuncao notched a split decision over GSP’s homeboy Yves Jabouin thanks to his superior grappling and impressive ability to take a hard shot. Jabouin was every bit the explosive striker that he was advertised as, but his spinning back kicks and superman punches barely rattled the iron-chin’d Assuncao.

Full results from WEC 43 are after the jump…

As much as we love to LOL at the mess War Machine has made of his life, after watching his split decision loss to David Mitchell in Leemore, California this week, we have to say that he got totally screwed on this decision.  Mitchell didn’t do much but work his ineffective rubber guard for three rounds, and while War Machine looked a little sloppy down the stretch he still won this fight.  I’d be hard-pressed to name one round that Mitchell clearly won, and yet one judge somehow scored it 30-27 in his favor.  Sounds like someone went to the Cecil Peoples School of Fight Scoring and graduated with freaking honors.

But just when you’re about to feel bad for the War Machine, you go back and read his comments to Ariel Helwani before this fight, when he said that Mitchell "sucks" and described this as "a joke fight" that was nothing more than a chance for him to get paid.  One can’t help but wonder why, if the guy’s no good, the fight even went to a decision in the first place.  But that’s War, for you.  A living, breathing lesson about the perils of hubris.  If only he’d been born mute, you get the sense that maybe this guy would have turned out okay.

Rounds two and three are after the jump, plus more weird stuff.

 
(Brazil has hot female fighters, too. Props: MMA Share)

– "Rampage" Jackson can’t say that he’ll never fight again. (Triumph United)

– Andrei Arlovski is headed to the Jackson camp. (Sherdog)

– Brett Rogers should really consider watching a few more Fedor fights. (OC Register)

- Frank Shamrock wanders through a park, answers fan questions. (Fight Magazine)

- Strikeforce can’t guarantee you’ll see Coenen-Toughill. (Fightlinker)

- Rashad Evans and the business of MMA. (MMA Payout)

- Building the perfect MMA organization, Frankenstein-style. (Cage Writer)

– 10 weirdest marriages in sports history. (Bleacher Report)

– Video of Chuck Liddell getting grilled about DWTS moves. (Lemondrop)

- Must-see Kobe Bryant high school slam dunk footage. (Total Pro Sports)

- Behind the scenes of the SI swimsuit issue. (Asylum)

- We want new sports commentators. (Ask Men)

– Demand "Paranormal Activity," get scared out of your little mind. (Break)

- 25 girls with pigtails. (Holy Taco)

- 7 great Clark Griswold moments. (Screen Junkies)

- Wreck of the week: JC France swears on TV, starts a fight. (All Left Turns)

- How to make a perfect first impression. (Made Man)

- Asshole cop beats up special needs kid in school. (Nothing Toxic)

(‘This guy’s totally rich or something, right? Right?’)

Wouldn’t you know it, the same day we dance on Tim Sylvia’s MMA grave, his name pops up in the news again, this time to say he may have either a very legitimate or very ridiculous fight in the works.  According to Sylvia’s manager, Monte Cox, Big Tim is in talks to head to Japan for a New Year’s Eve fight and Cox says he’s “pretty confident that he is going to fight there.”

What they don’t know is whether he’ll fight for Dream or Sengoku, but apparently Dream contractees Alistair Overeem and Hong Man Choi have both been discussed as possible opponents.  That means that he might get a real fight against the Strikeforce heavyweight champion (who, again, is avoiding fighting in the U.S. like he’s got some kind of Roman Polanski-esque legal troubles over here), or he’ll do the typical NYE freak show fight against Choi.  Those are two very different potential futures for Sylvia.  You’d hope that he would rather go the serious route if given the choice, but as we’ve seen in the past, Sylvia is not above taking a bout that makes no sense at all.

What do you say, would you rather see Sylvia in an absurd fight against Hong Man Choi, just to keep the New Year’s Eve tradition intact, or does Sylvia-Overeem really get your heart pumping?  Side question: if he does fight HMC, what are the odds that he joins Jose Canseco and Bobby Ologun on the “Techno Goliath’s” list of MMA victims?  Just saying, this is the guy who couldn’t close the deal with a hard-drinking strip club bartender on Blind Date,  so you better believe he knows how to screw up a sure thing.

(Photo courtesy of round5mma.com.)

Colorful Long Island resident Matt "The Terror" Serra — who has competed at a blistering pace of one fight per year since 2005 — may have already booked his 2010 UFC appearance. According to MMA Fanhouse, Serra has verbally agreed to a bout in Las Vegas on February 6th. Though Serra wouldn’t confirm who his opponent will be, Fanhouse says Frank Trigg is a strong possibility. Which makes sense, since they’re both in their mid-30s and coming off losses and not really factors in the division anymore. The loser of that fight would probably be retired by Joe Rogan in the post-fight interview, while the winner would pretty much have to take a rematch with Matt Hughes, considering that Hughes doesn’t have any better ideas.

(Roy Nelson [second from left] in his younger, thinner days.)

Before we begin, I’d like to send a big Bronx cheer to those of you who come to this site every day but never comment. Register, you lazy dickfaces. We want your input and witticisms, and we want to give t-shirts to different people once in a while. Lurkers, emerge from your hidey-holes! Now then…

BigCountrysCholesterol on "A Month Out From Rogers Fight on CBS, Fedor Takes a Wife":
"What do I think? I think this girl is a fucking nobody. This marriage is a fucking farce, that is what I think."

Ouch That hurts on "Franca, Wilson, Aurelio, McCully Now Eligible to Fight for Strikeforce":
Now he’s the "UnMployed1"

Catalyst8487 on "Anti-MMA Protests to Be Featured on Sunday’s Episode of ‘The Simpsons’":
I’m waiting for the South Park episode where Cartman takes on Token and just lays on him with that big belly.

If your name has been called, please send an electronic mail message to feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and t-shirt size and claim your official CagePotato shirt!

Fighting for a living is a lot like teasing a really mean dog: you can’t do it forever without something bad happening to you.  Even the great ones get to a point where their drive becomes sluggish and their bellies are too full for them to stay hungry, and that’s usually when a particularly bad beating takes what remaining fire they have and douses it with the fury of a God pissing on your dreams.  It doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll quit right then, even if they should, but it does mean that they’ll never be the same again.  Here now, in chronological order, are the most notorious breaking points in MMA history.

IGOR ZINOVIEV vs. FRANK SHAMROCK at UFC 16, 3/13/98

It’s hard to say that Igor Zinoviev was really on his way to being a legend of the sport, because he got stopped almost before he really got started.  The former Soviet Army commando was one of the first fighters in the early days of MMA to beat a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt when he TKO’d Mario Sperry, and he took out Enson Inoue the next year.  All this came after years of fighting underground brawls in Brooklyn warehouses following the fall of the Soviet Union, so his toughness was never in question.

When he joined the UFC the future was, as they say, wide open.  Then he came up against Frank Shamrock, who wasted no time in scooping him up and slamming him down so viciously that it shattered his collarbone and knocked him out cold.  It was Zinoviev’s first career loss, and he would never fight again after that.  We’re not saying the devastating finish served as the catalyst for Shamrock’s out of control ego over the next 10+ years, but we’re not saying it helped, either.

(‘Oh, that? It’s an allegory for how we train around here. Or, wait, when it involves an animal does that make it a fable? Hold on, let’s ask Tuchscherer.’)

Sometimes I get the feeling that Brock Lesnar is actually a really smart, articulate guy, but he has a vicious sense of humor that makes him want to say the most ridiculous things he can think of just to see if anyone has the balls to call him out on it.  Chances are, no, they don’t.  So he just keeps talking and things keep getting weirder.  The latest such example comes from a Yahoo! Sports article that attempts to get inside Lesnar’s head by eating lunch with him at Subway.  Naturally, there’s all the usual smack talk about Shane Carwin’s lack of difficult opponents and that adorable little Division II national wrestling championship that he won.  But there’s also this bizarre quote when Lesnar gives his take on TUF 10′s recent Kimbo Slice-Roy Nelson fight:

"It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl.  The fat biker dude took his vest off and put ranch dressing on his (chest)."

In a perfect world, the interviewer would have countered that statement by asking, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’  But sadly, ours is an aggressively imperfect world, so that probably didn’t happen.  Instead, we’ll go ahead and ask.  WTF, Brock?  What is that even supposed to mean?  Ranch dressing on his chest?  What kind of bars are you hanging out in, anyway?

(As you can see, Antonio’s head is roughly the size of Fabricio’s torso.)

According to a report on MMA Junkie, bout agreements have been finalized for heavyweights Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva and Fabricio Werdum to face each other on the main card of Strikeforce’s "Fedor vs. Rogers" event on November 7th. With Alistair Overeem pissing his career away in Holland, the Silva/Werdum matchup would logically produce the next opponent for the winner of the night’s main event.

Silva has gone 2-0 in Sengoku since catching a one-year steroid suspension from the California State Athletic Commission following his victory over Justin Eilers at EliteXC: Unfinished Business. Werdum made his Strikeforce debut in August with a quick submission win over Mike Kyle; two weeks ago, he swept the heavyweight division at the 2009 ADCC Submission Wrestling World Championship. With the addition of this bout, the Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Rogers main card looks like this…

(Photo courtesy of knucklepit.)

With his original opponent Mark Coleman out due to sissiness an MCL tear Tito Ortiz will now be taking on Forrest Griffin in the co-main event of UFC 106 (November 21st, Las Vegas). UFC president Dana White confirmed the news to Yahoo! Sports last night. The two former light-heavyweight champs previously met at UFC 59 in April 2006, where Ortiz won a split-decision after battering Griffin with ground-and-pound in the first round and scoring a decisive takedown near the end of the third.

Three and a half years later, both men need a victory to redeem themselves. Ortiz hasn’t won a fight since his final whipping of Ken Shamrock in October 2006, and hasn’t competed since his unanimous decision loss to Lyoto Machida last May, which was followed by back surgery and a lengthy recovery. Forrest Griffin is now riding a two-fight losing streak after suffering back-to-back knockouts against Rashad Evans and Anderson Silva. Personally, I wouldn’t bet on the guy who’s returning from major surgery — but has Forrest’s chin become too much of a liability? Your thoughts, please…

(Is Mitrione dumb, or too smart for your tiny brain to even comprehend?)

Matt Mitrione got a lot of heat for his inability to keep a secret on last night’s episode of “The Ultimate Fighter,” and his less than compelling ‘switch it up’ defense may have resulted in him coming off as, for lack of a better word, a complete idiot.  But don’t be fooled, Mitrione says in his FightMagazine.com blog, for all is not as it seems:

I’m the villain of tonight’s episode but reality TV isn’t always real. Because of the nature of the show I can’t get into the details right now but it’s safe to say that Scott Junk threw me under the bus. …I found out that Justin Wren was going to fight Scott Junk and for reasons I can’t get into right now I told Junk. For some reason he told Wren and then he gets on the f***in’ video and calls me a f***in’ meathead who can’t control his mouth.

(Either Alistair Overeem is facing an extra from "Over the Top" or else Google Image Search has seriously led us astray.)

Though Sam Hoger doesn’t like it, some benevolent force in the universe has intervened to keep Alistair Overeem from calmly handing him his ass at Golden Glory 11 next Saturday.  In his place will be 11-2 Ohio-based fighter Tony Sylvester, who is at least in the same weight class as Overeem, though that’s about where the similarities between he and “The Demolition Man” end.  While Sylvester’s record looks impressive at first glance, it doesn’t stay that way under closer inspection.  His most recent loss came via decision against Chris Tuchscherer in the abortion known as YAMMA Pit Fighting.  He rebounded with a first-round TKO win over Roger Minton in his last effort, but that was a) almost a year ago, and b) against a guy making his pro debut.

In fact, if you look at Sylvester’s recent fighting history, six of his last eight victories came against guys who currently have losing records.  And the other loss on his record?  It was against Tim “Big Perm” Persey, who, while he may be the proud owner of an awesome nickname, is not exactly a world-beater himself.  This isn’t to say that Sylvester is no good.  I mean, I guess he can’t really help it if the guys he beats happen to lose a bunch of fights before and after they face him.  But at the same time, this is the guy who’s going to fight Strikeforce (absentee) heavyweight champ and top ten heavyweight Alistair Overeem?

TEAM RASHAD’s remaining fighters:

Justin Wren (Rashad’s #3 pick), Darrill Schoonover (#6), Matt Mitrione (#7), Mike Wessel (#8)

TEAM RAMPAGE’s remaining fighters:

Wes Sims (Rampage’s #4 pick), Scott Junk (#5), Marcus Jones (#7), Zak Jensen (#8)

Thanks to a couple of boneheaded fight picks by Quinton Jackson, followed by a couple of spot-on matchups by Rashad Evans, Team Rashad has gone up 4-0 on this season of The Ultimate Fighter. We’ve seen this kind of thing happen before on TUF, where one side takes an early lead and has the other team playing catchup. But this feels different. Rampage started off as an inept coach, and last night’s episode showed that he’s basically stopped trying. His team is absolutely rudderless. The psychological advantages that Rashad’s guys have over Rampage’s are profound. Could Team Rashad actually sweep the first round of fights, 8-0?

Strictly based on talent, it’ll be a close race from here on out. Obviously, the order in which the fighters were picked by their coaches isn’t a direct correlation to their talent levels — otherwise Roy Nelson would have been picked second overall and Kimbo Slice would have been picked ninth, not the other way around — but for the last four preliminary fights, each team is now left with one top-eight pick, and three bottom-eight picks. If Rashad is smart (and he absolutely is), he’ll do the following…

(Props: YouTube.com/wec)

Judging from the utter lack of promotion they’ve done for Cerrone vs. Henderson, it seems like the WEC is already treating this show as a tax write-off. And that’s unfortunate, because Sunday’s event has more than its share of potential barn-burners. Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone and Benson Henderson meet in the main event to determine the league’s interim lightweight champion, while top featherweights Rafael Assuncao and Wagnney Fabiano and undefeated lightweight Dave Jansen will also be in action. The above promo clip introduces us to Yves Jabouin, a 14-4 striker who trains with Georges St. Pierre at Tri Star gym in Montreal; he’ll be facing Assuncao on WEC 43′s main card. According to GSP, Jabouin is incredibly fast, and will bring things that MMA fans have never seen before. After the jump, Ben Henderson takes us around his gym and gets savagely armbarred by a four-year-old.

Yesterday we told you about Dana White’s attempt to liken Fedor Emelianenko’s management to local shakedown operation, and while that was all good fun, there was definitely more to his appearance on ESPN’s "Jim Rome Is Burning."  Say what you will about Jim Rome’s douchey used-car-salesman-meets-strip-club-owner persona, he’s more knowledgeable about MMA than most mainstream sports commentators, and he takes the sport seriously rather than treating it as a fad that will be gone as soon as the kids today discover this new roller derby craze. 

Again, though, DW can’t help but insist that a fight between bros-for-life Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida is a very real possibility at light heavyweight.  No matter how many times they say they won’t do it, Dana can’t let it go.  You know what?  I think those two should break down and do the fight.  On one condition: Dana White must fight Herschel Walker.  And yeah, I know Walker has a Strikeforce contract, but that hasn’t stopped Alistair Overeem from doing whatever the hell he wants.

(If they have seen far, it is because they stood on the shoulders of Akihiro Gono.)

Most of the time when you’re captured on surveillance footage punching people on the street, it does not lead to career advancement opportunities.  But when you’re a fighter dressed as a woman and the dudes you’re seen punching are clearly drunken buffoons, well, that’s the kind of situation the internet was made for. Daniel “Lionheart” Lerwell and James “Lights Out” Lilley may not quite be on the Kimbo Slice level of internet ass-kicking stardom just yet, but for the moment they’re the closest thing Wales has.

Talking with the BBC, Lerwell and Lilley explained that they went out dressed as chicks (and slutty ones at that — how come no one ever dresses up like normal, fairly conservative women, anyway?) with a bunch of their fellow fighters because they “were due to knuckle down to training because we had a fight coming up in six weeks, and it was the last chance for a blow-out.”  And, as we all know, you can’t have a blow-out if you aren’t wearing garters.

(The end of Schaub vs. Rogers.)

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights opened with some analysis of the Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson fight, which was described rather generously as a "classic striker vs. wrestler/grappler matchup" by Scott Junk, who gives props to Slice for not gassing out. Titties Schoonover was also very impressed by Kimbo’s performance. Roy Nelson was impressed by Roy Nelson’s performance. After the fight, we see Big Country needling Rampage, thanking him for helping Roy count strikes to Kimbo’s dome. "I lost count after ten," Roy says, coming in for a bro-clinch. "Get the fuck off me," says Jackson. "I can’t stand that fat motherfucker," he tells Tiki.

Rampage and his assistants do their best to encourage Kimbo after the fight. Rampage vows to keep working with Slice and turn him into one of the best fighters out there. Kimbo doesn’t feel he’s out of the competition yet, and that with another two or three weeks of instruction, he’ll be untouchable. Abe Wagner tells him — to his face, amazingly — that he’s using denial as a coping mechanism. But for a moment, it does look like Kimbo might return. Marcus Jones has a "sweat attack," and has to sit down for a while after getting lightheaded back at the house. His teammates think he’s physically cracking under the demands of the show. Kimbo sees it as his opportunity to squeeze his way back in, but Marcus quickly recovers.

(Junie Browning: Ready for the orgy.)

Anybody who watched the eighth season of The Ultimate Fighter could tell you that Junie Allen Browning is as crazy as a peach-orchard boar. But after moving to Las Vegas to train full-time, it seemed like "The Lunatic" was slowly going sane. Well, not so much. According to the Las Vegas Review Journal (via CageWriter), Browning was rushed to St. Rose Dominican Hospital on Tuesday night after taking 16 Klonopin pills in an apparent suicide attempt. It was just the beginning of Junie’s troubles:

(Dana White and the UFC’s Chief Financial Officer, Bobo, share a laugh over M-1′s contract demands.)

One of the things you have to like about Dana White is that when he gets in front of a national audience, he really steps up his trash talk game.  When it’s just the MMA media, sure, he might recycle the same tired phrases and well-worn burns, but talking to ESPN’s Jim Rome today, he brought out some new material with regards to those M-1 Global jokers and their absurd demands during the UFC’s Fedor negotiations:

"Fedor’s not afraid to come over and fight or do any of that stuff.  He’s got nutty managers.  These guys are from Russia, coming to America trying to strong-arm us into some deal we won’t want to do.  Go do that to the butcher down the street in Russia.  It won’t work over here in the United States."

Please, tell me I’m not the only one who feels like launching into a U.S.A chant right now. So let’s see, instead of calling Fedor’s management a bunch of greedy, crazy Russians, they’ve now become "nutty" Russians who are trying to run some sort of MMA-themed protection racket.  Nice little paradigm shift, DW.  Just one more reason why it really sucks to be a Russian butcher.

(Props: MMA TKO)

Though Joe Warren insisted that he didn’t tap and wasn’t in any real trouble when the referee stepped in to stop his Dream featherweight GP bout against Bibiano Fernandes earlier this week, the evidence seems to suggest that at least one of those claims is unfounded.  Here we see Warren clamp his right hand on to Fernandes’ knee as the armbar is applied, and then, after he falls face first on to the mat, there’s the slightest hint of a tapping motion.  It’s not enough to be a real I-give-up-and-would-like-to-go-home-now tap, but perhaps just the physical manifestation of the little voice inside Warren’s head saying, ‘Damn, we’re in a tight spot.’

But maybe that’s not the point at all.  Maybe the question is, should a referee be stopping bouts because he thinks one of the fighters is about to suffer bone and/or ligament damage?  

As a white skinhead, it’s no surprise that Homer Simpson would be into MMA. What’s surprising is that The Simpsons will be devoting an entire episode to the sport this Sunday (8/7c). Is it a desperate attempt by the 21-year-old series to generate interest among young males, most of whom moved on to Family Guy a long time ago? Quite possibly! But hey, score another one for the mainstream acceptance of cage-fighting. TV.com has the synopsis of this Sunday’s episode, which is titled "The Great Wife Hope":

Believe it or not, that’s exactly how Lina Kvokov got booked to fight Kim Couture last year. No word yet if the promoter will be a thinly-veiled Dana White-parody, but FiveOuncesofPain hears that Dancing With the Stars‘s Chuck Liddell will make a cameo in the episode, hopefully to tell Marge that she’s an killjoy idiot who should find something else to protest, before having sex with her in a nightclub bathroom.

So do any of you still watch this show? Is Maggie talking yet? Did Burns and Smithers ever consummate their relationship?

("I came here to catch dreams and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of bubblegum." Photo courtesy of URdirt.com.)

According to a new post on M-1global.com, Strikeforce light-heavyweight champion Gegard Mousasi has confirmed that he will be participating in a title fight at the upcoming "Fedor vs. Rogers" event on November 7th:

Yes, they’re referring to steroid-using donkey-man Paulo Filho, who was recently engaged in a war of words with Mousasi. We’re hoping that Filho is booked for this fight, because while Sokoudjou has been kicking ass in the highly competitive Super Hulk division, he hasn’t beaten a top-level light-heavyweight in two-and-a-half years. (As you might recall, Sokoudjou’s last fight at 205 pounds ended in him getting choked out by Strikeforce’s previous LHW champion, Renato Sobral.) At least Filho poses a threat on the ground, even if he’d probably get the snot knocked out of him in the standup exchanges. The Reward Hunter most recently took a light-heavyweight tune-up match at last month’s Bitetti Combat event, where he won a decision over TUF 1 vet Alex Schoenauer. In other Strikeforce news…

The pervs over at Raw Vegas say this is video from a "photo shoot" involving UFC ring girl Natasha Wicks, but personally, I think it was all a ruse to get her in a towel.  It’s like that time we agreed to be in that calendar that was supposed to be twelve months of MMA writers without pants.  We showed up and did what they asked, even when it made us both uncomfortable, and that calendar still hasn’t come in the mail like they said it would.  I’m just saying, if that guy was a professional photographer, why did we have do the shoot in his mom’s basement?  And why did he use a disposable camera?  But enough of our petty problems.

Judging by her remarks throughout this video, Natasha has quickly figured out what MMA fans want to hear from her.  And no, it isn’t about her great singing career or how much she loves chocolate. 

After the jump, things get even more ridiculous.

(Whaddaya say, Royce. Wanna do it again?)

Matt Hughes may not know exactly what he wants to do with the new four-fight contract that he signed with the UFC, but he definitely knows what he doesn’t want to do.  Fights with young welterweight up-and-comers like Josh Koscheck and Mike Swick?  Not interested.  A third chance at getting his first victory over Denis Hallman?  No thanks.  How about simply completing the entire four-fight deal?  No guarantees there, either.  So what the hell does Hughes want to do with the remainder of his career?  I don’t know, you got any more washed-up legends laying around?

As far as who I fight next? You know, looking at these younger kids who are wanting to come in and be the next world champion or be the next contender, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know if I’ll take on those guys.  There are plenty of older guys out there with big names who can fight, too. I like to take fights where I’ve got something to win. If I take a fight against Mike Swick or Josh Kosheck, I’ve really got nothing to gain from that fight besides a paycheck and beating somebody up. They’ve got more to win than I do. Those aren’t the kinds of fights that interest me.

Royce Gracie was a big fight, you know? It was a huge name, a guy that had won the old tournaments in the beginning. Those are the fights I like, the ones I can really get revved up for and get motivated. Those are the kinds of fights that gets me into the gym ready to train and work.

(Props: ESPN the Magazine via MMA Fanhouse)

Now that we’ve seen Gina Carano‘s semi-nudity on the cover of ESPN The Magazine‘s inaugural "Body Issue" (which hits newsstands on Friday, btw), it’s time to take a look at the photos inside. Two more shots have leaked — this sultry photo of Gina posing in her normal workout attire of sports bra, heavy eye-makeup, and hot-shorts, and the picture after the jump of Randy Couture‘s beloved cauliflower ear. (Warning: It’s not quite as sexy.) More naked athletes can be seen here.

Speaking of Gina, director Steven Soderbergh — who cast Carano in the lead role of his next flick, Knockout — had this to say in a recent interview with Empire:

(Props: TheRyanLoco via MMA Mania)

Good news for all us po’ folks: UFC 105 (November 14th; Manchester, England) will be broadcast via tape delay on Spike. In the main event, Randy Couture kicks off one last title run when he takes on light-heavyweight Brandon Vera, who has won his last two bouts against Mike Patt and Krzysztof Soszynski. According to Vera in the interview above, the prospect of fighting a living legend like Randy was the only thing that would make him want to fight in England so soon after his last fight. Couture was an early influence an him, and he describes the matchup as "an honor and a blessing and a punishment, all at the same time." Vera also says his underutilized wrestling is "retarded" (as in, retarded-awesome), though he’ll be standin’ and bangin’ as much as possible. Will the Truth finally silence the haters by conquering the 46-year-old Hall of Famer? Your predictions, please.

UFC 105′s current lineup is after the jump…

(‘To Tito, I’d like to say I’m sorry for calling your wife a whore. And to Jenna, I’d like to say I’m sorry for…well, for how your life has turned out.’)

You know how sometimes you get really, really angry and you say hurtful things that you don’t actually mean?  Well, this is not one of those apologies.  This is more like the apology for when you get angry and say things that you do mean, but later realize you probably shouldn’t have said anyway.  Sort of like that time your stepsister with the stutter broke your Game Boy and you just couldn’t keep yourself from intentionally mocking her when she was trying to say she was s-s-s-sorry.  Not only was it wrong, it was obvious, and only after you calmed down did you realize what a jerk you’d been.  Still though, the girl did have a stutter.

That’s kind of what Mark Coleman’s manager, Mike DiSabato, is going through.  After lashing out at Tito Ortiz and his pornstar girlfriend Jenna Jameson, who DiSabato seemed convinced was at the very least a carrier of swine flu, he has since apologized and issued a kind of verbal retraction:

“When I said what I said, I was very emotional. It was me responding without thinking, and that’s not really my style.  Where that came from was, I have been a friend of Mark Coleman for over 20 years, we were in college together, and I just jumped right in to defend him. I feel he deserves a lot of respect for his achievements in this sport and I feel he does not always get the respect that he deserves.”