As promised, here’s the Shinya Aoki-Joachim Hansen bout from last night’s Dream event, though watching the whole thing is going to take a decent chunk out of your afternoon.  In the interest of making the most of your time, you might just want to skip to the 10:58 mark to see the upkick to the groin, followed by the upkicks to the face from Hansen.  Guy Mezger and Michael Schiavello seem ready to assume that Aoki is faking it, and although he does seem to get some preferential treatment from the ref at times in this fight, the replays confirm that he got kicked in the pills before taking the shots to the head.  So give him a break, would you? 

After you’ve lived through that fiasco, you might as well move on to the second round.  In the last two minutes Hansen is unlucky enough to end up with Aoki mounted on him, and that rarely leads to anything good.  His calm demeanor after getting stuck in the armbar makes you think he’s going to last until the end of the round with no problem, but that Aoki is a slick one.  Up next for him?  Probably a showdown with Tatsuya Kawajiri on the New Year’s Eve show.  Also expected for that event is Bob Sapp vs. a puppy.  No word yet on the breed of the puppy, but it is thought to be adorable.  Oddsmakers have pegged it an early -175 favorite over Sapp. 

Bibiano Fernandes vs. Hiroyuki Takaya, plus some press conference footage, is after the jump.

(Click the image to watch the video on Spike.com.)

Kimbo Slice must have had other plans that day, but luckily Roy Nelson and Dana White were free to hang with Amir Sadollah for the latest edition of Spike.com‘s TUF 10 wrap-up show, The Aftermath. Dana does his best to debunk some rumors: No, he doesn’t have influence on when fights are stopped on the show — and how dare you suggest otherwise, Roy — and no, the alcohol isn’t provided for dramatic purposes. All booze is requested by the fighters themselves, not that drunken jackassery has been a problem on this season so far. (Still, Wes Sims can’t stay dry forever.) There’s also an interesting moment where Dana gets on Roy’s case for not joining a major camp. ("I think that it hurts you as a fighter…to not be sparring and training with guys that are going to push you every day.") And he’s still a little irritated about Roy’s post-fight Whopper order.

Later, the panel analyzes what Kimbo needs to do to be competitive in MMA, and Dana addresses the status of Quinton "Rampage," "B.A. Baracus" Jackson: "Rampage [announced] he’s retired because he’s mad at me. And I’m mad at him. It happens sometimes. I’m sure we’ll get this thing figured out, and I’m sure we’ll see him and Rashad fight. I highly doubt that Rampage is really retired."

("I took care of that thing for you, Godfather. Let’s just say the Hawaiian won’t be jumping out of any more pools." Photo courtesy of ESPN.)

After a month-long voting period that drew over 500,000 ballots, AskMen.com released its Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2009 list today, and it turns out that a shocking number of AskMen’s readers want to be Dana White when they grow up. Coming in at #10, the UFC president managed to beat out such heavy hitters as Jay-Z (#11), Jon Stewart (#13), Quentin Tarantino (#15), Conan O’Brien (#16), Brad Pitt (#21), Manny Pacquiao (#24), and Kanye West (#26). He also came in ahead of one of his star employees, welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre, who made the list at a very respectable #36, right between Andy Roddick and Coldplay’s Chris Martin. Said Dana of his impressively high placement on the Top 49:

Oddly enough, the list’s #1 spot was taken by a fictional character — Don Draper, the smooth-talking, scotch-drinking, stewardess-banging superhero of AMC’s Mad Men. (Sorry, Jon Hamm, you’ll get ‘em next year.) You can check out the rest of the list right here.

Previously: Gina Carano is the 73rd Hottest Woman in the World

(The Coleman: this year’s most terrifying Halloween costume. Photo courtesy of MMA Authentics.)

If Tito Ortiz thought he could call Mark Coleman a sissy for pulling out of their UFC 106 fight on November 21 without any repercussions whatsoever, he clearly didn’t account for Coleman’s manager, Mike DiSabato.  After Ortiz ripped his fighter on Twitter, DiSabato fired back by blasting Ortiz for “get[ting] personal with a legend,” then launched into a tirade about Ortiz and his porn star girlfriend, Jenna Jameson.  That’s right.  He went there:

“The only thing Coleman is afraid of when it comes to Tito is contracting swine flu from that dirty ass d-bag.  We all know where he lays his head down at night. Tito wants to get personal with a legend? OK, let’s get personal – we can all go to our porn collections and watch what Tito sleeps with night after night.”

There are only two words we can say about that.  They are OH and SNAP.  Turns out that Coleman’s purported sissyness is the result of a torn MCL, though DiSabato says Coleman will be ready to fight by January 2 and suggested that the fight be postponed until UFC 108.  Presumably that will also give Coleman’s camp more time to have Ortiz tested for swine flu, which, as we all know, is the scourge of the porn industry.

(Props: MMA Share)

We’ll say this much for Dream, they may not always put on the most competitive or, for lack of a better word, serious fights, but at least you always know what you’re going to get from them.  For instance, you’re going to get Kazushi Sakuraba tooling a washed-up pro boxer while Michael Schiavello utters baffling one-liners like, "Trying to predict what Sakuraba’s going to do next is harder than finding a pubic hair at a Jonas Brothers concert." 

Thanks, Michael.  It’s been far too long since I thought about the hairless genitals of pre-pubescent girls, and what better time to return to that disturbing image than during an MMA bout?  But hey, creeping you out with prepared material that he’s scribbled on hotel stationery is all in an evening’s work for "The Voice." 

After the jump, more videos from last night’s festivities, including all the Super Hulk freakness you can stomach, the semi-final matches of the featherweight Grand Prix, plus others.  More coming soon.  Full results from Dream.11 are all the way at the bottom.  Consider yourself warned.

(Props: wwwprommadotinfo via MMA Mania)

Last week on Dancing With the Stars, Chuck Liddell got to wear MMA gloves, make angry faces, and tear his shirt off. But any tough guy can tango — does Chuck have enough lightness in the loafers to pull off the samba? I’m not a dance expert, so I’m probably the wrong guy to ask. All I know is, those sleeves he came out with at the 1:46 mark were breathtaking. We also saw a tender moment where Chuck and his daughter went out for pedicures. (My God this disintegration of traditional parental roles!)

Despite the awkward humping at 2:25, Chuckie did aight, and the judges were tough but fair. Bruno called it a "samba from Zombietown," which is high praise considering Zombietown’s high dance standards. Once again, Chuck’s score (17) placed him near the bottom but not squarely on the chopping block. Scoring lowest last night was Michael Irvin (14), who somehow did worse than injured white guy Tom DeLay (15).

Related: Chuck and Anna will be signing autographs at the AT&T Center in San Antonio before WEC 43: Cerrone vs. Henderson this Sunday.

For the second time since his return to the UFC, Mark Coleman has been forced to drop out of a high-profile co-headlining bout. According to Tito Ortiz’s Twitter feed, the Hammer has withdrawn from their UFC 106 meeting, forcing Ortiz to kick someone else’s ass on November 21st. (According to Mark Coleman’s Twitter feed, Coleman is "finally on twitter trying 2 figure out how 2 use this thing lol".)

No word yet on what exactly forced the pull-out, or who Mark’s replacement might be. Could Rashad Evans be pulled off his scheduled fight against Thiago Silva to rematch Ortiz, who he drew with in 2007? Will Ortiz get a gatekeeper-type like Keith Jardine? A fellow veteran like the returning Lil’ Nog? Or will the UFC just go with the obvious cash cow?

(Big props: SportsbyBrooks)

When it comes to shooting a magazine cover, it’s all about timing and opportunity.  The photographers for ESPN the Magazine know this, and that’s why they sent their crew to capture a shot of Gina Carano during one of her infamous topless kickboxing sessions (Tuesdays and Thursdays, 10-11:30 am. And no, Phil Baroni, for the last time you can’t "sit in").  This photo appears on one of the covers of their forthcoming "Body Issue," and we’re going to go ahead and say that it will definitely outsell the topless Matt Lindland edition at newsstands everywhere. 

Now, if you show this picture to your wife and/or girlfriend, she’ll probably waste no time in telling you that there’s been some airbrushing done here.  While that may be the case, we hope you’re smart enough not to respond with what you’re really thinking, which is probably something along the lines of, ‘still…just, wow.’  You said it anyway, didn’t you?  We knew it.  She hit you?  In the throat?  Yeah, well, you had that one coming.     

(Great, everybody’s got a belt or two. Big deal.)

The continuing saga of Strikeforce heavyweight champ Alistair Overeem gets weirder with each new chapter, and more and more it’s looking like he’s willing to do just about anything but fight in the United States.  More proof for that hypothesis comes by way of news that his next MMA fight may be against 8-4 UFC washout Sam Hoger.  Inside Fights says the fight has been verbally agreed to by both parties and will take place on an upcoming Shooto event.  We can’t help but think that Dream might be the more likely venue since they did make some vague promises recently about getting Overeem into their poorly designed cage later this month. 

On his Twitter page Hoger wrote that he “MAY have a date” with Overeem, and implored whoever might be reading that message not to “ruin it for me now.”  Unless one of Hoger’s 137 followers is in a management position at an MMA organization we’re not sure exactly how that would be possible, but for Christ’s sakes, if any of you Hoger fans have any pull, now’s the time to exert it.  Not only would this fight be a farce, but it might also be the kind of farce that results in Hoger taking his meals through a straw for the next several months.

(Click the image to watch the clip on Spike.com.)

By this point in the tenth season of The Ultimate Fighter, you already know that James McSweeney is an unrepentant asshole who dislikes Quinton Jackson, and Marcus Jones is just too gentle for this world. But if you needed any extra proof, here’s a deleted scene in which the bristly Brit tells Jones what a terrible head coach Rampage is. For a second, it looks like Jones will stand up to McSweeney, Titties-style, but Jones instead runs off to "brush his teeth" (i.e., cry into his Dungeons & Dragons pillow). James sort of apologizes without apologizing, and Marcus is left to stew by himself at the pool. In episode four, Marcus gets a blanket party; in episode five, this happens.

And still no sign of Wes Sims…

…because without costumes and choreographed dance routines, it’s just two guys beating the hell out of each other. Booooooring!

(Future UFC champion/part-time Michael Jackson impersonator Anderson Silva won’t stop ’til he gets enough at PRIDE 22.)

("Keaton always said, ‘I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.’ Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Diego Sanchez.")

The world of pro fighting can be an odd place at times.  And when two big dudes come out throwing leather with their chins in the air, it can also be a place where consciousness is a fleeting state.  That was the case when Joe Muir met Amanaki Havili at Underground MMA 1 in New South Wales, Australia last Friday night.  Muir (the white guy) counters a leg kick with an overhand right just seconds into the fight, and though Havili was pretty much done at that point, Muir went ahead and added a couple more for good measure, resulting in Havili doing the mummy pose nine seconds after the start of the fight.  It’s still not as quick as the often-overlooked Duane Ludwig-Jonathan Goulet knockout, but it’s at least good enough to rival Todd Duffee.

After the jump, one of those double knockouts we love, plus a mercifully brutal ending to a terribly boring fight.

(‘And now I join you in holy matrimony, for better or for worse, until one of you starves or is eaten by wolves.’)

Here’s how unconcerned Fedor Emelianenko is about fighting Brett Rogers on Strikeforce’s November 7 show on CBS: instead of training his ass off with a single-minded focus on destruction, he took some time out to get married this weekend.  Fedor took the plunge for the second time in his life (his first marriage ended in 2006), and he did it in a Russian Orthodox ceremony which involves a lot of awesome symbolism, such as being crowned the king of your own home.  The typical Orthodox wedding also usually involves a couple days worth of celebrating, but we’re hoping that Fedor postponed that, along with the honeymoon, so he could be back hitting tires with sledgehammers and sparring in public parks by Monday morning.

Seriously, it’s great that Fedor has entered once again into wedded bliss, and we’re very happy for him, but couldn’t this have waited until after the Rogers fight?  Judging by the pictures, his bride wasn’t eight months pregnant, so they could have conceivably put it off until after the fight if they wanted to.  At this point we have to assume that Fedor knows how to prepare for a fight, but these distractions are starting to take on a little bit of a “Rocky III” kind of feel, and – we’re just putting it out there – Brett Rogers and Clubber Lang have very similar haircuts.

In other Emelianenko family news…

(I know what you’re wondering, and yes, the carpet matches the drapes. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

God damn this economy. After some hard decisions, the UFC has been forced to cut four members of its workforce. MMA Survival has noticed that the following fighters have been removed from the UFC.com Fighters section…

Hermes Franca: Franca’s TKO loss to Tyson Griffin at UFC 103 was his third defeat in four fights. Franca missed weight for the contest by an embarassing four pounds, and put in an uninspired performance while sporting some seriously jacked-up hair. Franca previously served a one-year suspension for steroids. It was only a matter of time.

Chris Wilson: The Professor kicked off 2009 by losing to John Howard at UFC 94. Then, he was the victim of a terifying robbery in Brazil, was forced to drop out of UFC 98 due to incomplete paperwork, and was finally choked out by Mike Pyle at UFC Fight Night 19. It was Wilson’s third Octagon loss in four attempts, and now he’s been released by the organization. So, not the greatest year for Chris, really.

(Props: YouTube.com/DREAM)

What do you do when you’re a broken-down Japanese MMA legend and you’ve been booked against an unknown American boxer in a meaningless exhibition? Make an absolute farce out of it, obviously. Check out Kazushi Sakuraba get his physical-comedy on during the DREAM.11 weigh-ins today (starting at the 0:59 mark). Despite the bizarre behavior, Rubin Williams was nice enough to shout out Saku as a "great champion," and referred to himself as a former world champion boxer, which may not be true. During a pre-fight interview, Williams told media that "I had a guy that was working with me on some MMA moves back in Detroit…As far as the ground game, I’ve been getting pretty good at it over the last year. So I’ll display what I’ve learned in the fight Tuesday." Yikes. Rubin, you may be able to pass guard on a training dummy, but that’s not going to help you against one of the best grapplers in the history of the sport. Don’t overthink it — just throw that overhand right and hope for a miracle.

After the jump: Full weigh-in results, and video of the Super Hulks hitting the scale. Nice t-shirt, Hong — was it laundry day?

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

After two consecutive knockouts over Thiago Silva and Rashad Evans, Dana White can finally start referring to Lyoto Machida as fighter who "loves to stand up and bang." Which is a good thing, because it might be hard to sell UFC 104‘s main event otherwise: Two Brazilians, one of them an elusive karate practitioner, the other a former PRIDE champ on the decline who got his title shot out of convenience and who will probably lose this fight. In the above preview, Joe Rogan makes sure to remind us of Shogun’s glory days, and Dana White reminds us that Rua most recently knocked out Chuck Liddell ["Chuck Liddell, Chuck Liddell"]. Still, Lyoto is impossible to hit and incredibly efficient with his attacks. Can Rua be a legitimate threat to his title, or will he be dominated and demoralized like everyone else the Dragon has faced in the Octagon? Also, Cain Velasquez gets props for the way he rebounded from abuse in his last fight against Cheick Kongo, but Ben Rothwell guarantees that Mr. Brown Pride has never been hit as hard as he’s gonna hit him. I mean, just look at those clips of Rothwell beating the crap out of Andrei Arlovski. (Rothwell won that fight, right?)

What you see here is Antonio McKee’s snoozefest of a fight against Carlo Prater at last night’s MFC 22, which also saw Travis Lutter nab a decision over Jason MacDonald and John Alessio knock out Luigi Fioravanti.  This was McKee’s fifth straight decision victory.  The last time he won by a different method was when Gabe Rivas hurt his knee midway through their bout and it was ruled a TKO.  McKee hasn’t lost a fight in over six years, but he also hasn’t finished anyone (not counting the injury to Rivas) in over eight years.  This is what McKee does.  He takes people down, does just enough to avoid a referee stand-up, and takes as few chances as possible.  He wins, but he also puts fans to sleep.  And the worst past about it?  He doesn’t care.

In an interview with MMA Fanhouse, McKee not only claimed to be the best wrestler in MMA and the best 155-pound fighter in the sport (said McKee: "At 155 I’d kick B.J. [Penn's] butt and everybody knows it that knows me"), but he also said, as he has numerous times, that he doesn’t "give a shit about the fans."   

It seems like the trials and tribulations never end for Jay Hieron.  The guy has had two different organizations pull fights out from under him, then he signs with Strikeforce in order to get a title shot against Nick Diaz, which he now can’t get due to Diaz’s, well, I’ll paraphrase Hieron here and call it "[monkeying] around." 

Talking to Steve Cofield, you can hear the anger and frustration in Hieron’s voice as he wonders why Diaz can’t get off the weed and forget about this boxing pipe dream long enough to do the only feasible fight that makes sense at this point.  Honestly, what is Diaz doing these days?  I realize he’s probably on his own program, but how long can you do bong rips and watch reruns of "227" before you wake up one afternoon and realize that your best years are slipping away and you’re not making the most of them?

If anybody has suffered enough in this business, it’s Hieron.  For Pete’s sake, Diaz, give the boy the fight.  You’ve got the rest of your life to get high and [monkey] around.

(Knockouts, submissions, and finishes galore from the very recent past. Thanks to CP reader Tbird2340.)

- Herb Dean discusses Kimbo Slice/Roy Nelson stoppage. (MMA Weekly)

- As long as Brazil has the Olympics in 2016, why not add jiu-jitsu? (Fanhouse)

- Did an MMA fan rob a Vegas casino? (Cage Writer)

- Dream featherweight grand prix digest. (Fight Magazine)

- Breakdown of S&P report on Zuffa’s financial health. (MMA Payout)

- Carlos Condit talks move to Greg Jackson’s. (MMA Madness)

- Anderson Silva verbally agrees to Vitor Belfort fight. (Fighters Only)

- Photo evidence of Kimbo training at ATT. (The Garv)

- Gina Carano All-Stars: 12 similarly sexy bad-ass women. (Bleacher Report)

- Lab used Ted Williams’ head for batting practice. (Scores Report)

- 5 craziest movie characters you’d still have sex with. (Asylum)

- Top 10 ways to become an evolved man. (Ask Men)

- 25 hot chicks on roller skates. (Holy Taco)

- Zombie movie survival statistics. (Screen Junkies)

- Are NASCAR drivers smarter than a fifth-grader? (All Left Turns)

- The scariest houses in the world. (Made Man)

- Shirtless loser knocked out at party. (Nothing Toxic)

It’s Friday afternoon.  There’s no major event this weekend, not a whole lot going on in general, and we’re still a little hungover from a combination of the biggest TUF fight ever and all the booze we drank trying to make that fight seem interesting.  So we decided to do what we always do in this situation: talk about pointless crap on the internet.  

(You know, without his beard, Kimbo kind of looks like Reginald VelJohnson. Props to CagePotato reader ‘DopenesS’.)

It’s weeks like these that prove how unbelievably smart, funny, and cultured CagePotato’s readers are, in comparison to the slack-jawed readers of other MMA websites. Seriously, we love you guys (no homo). Here are three highlights from a wild week in the trenches of the CP comments sections…

whitey on "Strikeforce News Roundup: Cris Cyborg Injured, Bobby Lashley Negotiating + More":
if only Da Vinci was alive to see his vision of the perfect man in flesh and bone

K.E.G. on "Gina Carano Semi-Nudity to Hit Newsstands on 10/9":
Hopefully they will leave out the obvious pages on…
-Tra telligman’s weird chest.
-Josh Haynes’s extra skin
-Jacare’s vagina head
-Kimbo’s beard/manscaped chest hair
-Cyborg’s penis
-Tito’s massively swollen head
-Kaleb Starnes’s vagina

After the jump: A strong front-runner for comment of the year…

(Look, we’re just as upset as you are. Photo courtesy of URDirt.)

It wasn’t long ago that Dana White was telling us that The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights was "some of the best television ever." (Ever! Right up there with the Newhart finale!) But after three weeks, reality is beginning to set in. What we’ve gotten, above everything else, is three embarassingly bad fights: Jon Madsen‘s one-sided takedown clinic against the hapless Abe Wagner, James McSweeney‘s sloppy and questionably deserved decision win over Wes "Wheezy" Shivers, and Roy Nelson‘s methodical, anti-climactic TKO of Kimbo Slice. It’s a shame that all those new viewers haven’t seen any quality MMA matches so far. Well, Dana feels your pain, and recently jumped on the Real Talk Express with Yahoo!’s Kevin Iole:

Wait a minute, so the next four episodes suck too? Does this mean that when <SPOILERS>Kimbo replaces a feverish Marcus Jones in the next episode to take on Brendan Schaub</SPOILERS>, that fight’s no good either? Cripes. It doesn’t help that this season — like last season — isn’t offering much in the way of entertaining personalities or house drama. (Why The A-Hole Show hasn’t gotten any screen time yet is anybody’s guess.) Marcus is a black dude who loves flowers and 20-sided-dice? Oooooooh! Piss in a fucking fruit tray or stop wasting my time, okay?

An upbeat Rashad Evans took some time out of his busy schedule to talk to “Inside MMA’s” robot-programmed-to-simulate-human-emotions Ron Kruck about the “Rampage” Jackson beef and what he thinks of Jackson’s obviously disingenuous offer to do this fight underground gym style, ala Kimbo Slice/Sean Gannon.  Evans seems to think that Jackson is moving on to the world of acting because he simply doesn’t love fighting any more.  And when you think about it?  He might be right.  Just like he’s probably right when he says that if ‘Page wouldn’t show up for a contracted fight in his hometown, there’s a good chance he wouldn’t show up for this free fight either.  For the interview’s most unintentionally hilarious moment, skip to the 6:35 mark to hear Evans take a question about Jackson walking into his house a little too literally.

After the jump, Frank Trigg explains why he thought he was getting cut by the UFC (and yeah, the story begins with a ‘what had happened was’ explanation), and a video of a little kid we’re actually a little scared of.

(‘Tell your friend he’s next! Well, I guess he’s just right over there. You know what, don’t worry about it. I’ll tell him myself.’)

With “Rampage” Jackson running off to play a mohawk-less B.A. Baracus in the “A-Team” movie, the MMA world was left wondering whether Rashad Evans would get a replacement opponent, or if he would just have to go out there on his own and entertain the crowd with fifteen minutes of stand-up about how different the Catholic church would be if the pope was black.  Thankfully, that seems like it won’t be necessary, as both Evans and Thiago Silva have reportedly verbally agreed to meet at UFC 108 in January. 

Obviously this isn’t as satisfying as the fight between Evans and Jackson would have been after a long season of reality TV trash talk.  But at least there’s something resembling an interesting angle, what with Silva knocking out Evans’ teammate, Keith Jardine at UFC 102 and both Silva and Evans suffering knockout losses to Lyoto Machida.  Think of this as a fight to determine who still stands a chance at getting another turn on the Machida karate beatdown-go-round.

In other bookings news/rumors…

(You know it’s a meaningless fight when the promoter starts nodding off. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

If you like to keep tabs on the careers of UFC washouts, tonight’s "Maximum Fighting Championship 22: Payoff" show in Edmonton is a great opportunity to see a bunch of them in action. Headlining the event will be a middleweight clash between submission specialists Jason MacDonald (21-12, fired from the UFC earlier this year after back-to-back losses to Wilson Gouveia and Nate Quarry) and Travis Lutter (9-5, fired from the UFC last year after back-to-back losses to Anderson Silva and Rich Franklin). It will be Lutter’s first fight since the Fraklin match, which took place nearly 18 months ago.

Also on the card, welterweight veteran John Alessio (25-13, 0-3 in the UFC) takes on Luigi Fioravanti (15-5, fired from the UFC after his loss to Anthony Johnson in February), while light-heavyweight David Heath (13-5, axed by the UFC after three straight losses in 2007-2008) rumbles with TUF 3 also-ran Mike Nickels. Plus: Marvin Eastman, Pete Spratt, and a lightweight meeting between Antonio McKee and Carlo Prater that was supposed to be a title fight until Prater missed weight. Folks, it doesn’t get any more average than this — you may or may not want to miss it.

MFC 22 will be broadcast live on HDNet beginning at 10 p.m. ET. The complete lineup and weigh-in results are after the jump…

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Chuck Liddell was saved from the chopping block this week on Dancing With the Stars — sorry, Kathy — which means that he’ll have to deal with the show’s awful contestants for at least one more round. The UFC is trying to make lemonade out of bullshit by filming a video blog in which Chuck takes us on a tour of the trailers behind the set, asking the quasi-celebs who they’re picking for UFC 104‘s main event of Lyoto Machida vs. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua. As you can imagine, the brilliant analysis comes fast and furiously, courtesy of the painfully thin and gawky Aaron Carter, snowboarding champ Louie Vito, Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin, and Dallas Cowboys legend Michael Irvin, who’s both attracted and repelled by the sport, and is convinced that Chuck is going to fight the winner. "I’m comin’ back for one of ‘um sooner or later," Chuck says. Then Tom Delay walks by and is like "Kimbo Slice would kick your ass, you washed-up redneck." Seriously. I can’t believe they kept that part in.

After the jump: Michael Bisping and Dan Hardy spend a day pimping UFC 105 (November 14th, Manchester) in relative obscurity.

(Props: MMA TKO)

As expected, last night’s Kimbo Slice/Roy Nelson fight drew a record-breaking audience to Spike TV’s “Ultimate Fighter.”  While the entire hour averaged 5.3 million viewers, the actual fight portion of the show pulled in, according to the press release sent out by Spike, “a staggering 6.1 million viewers” for what was a predictable and not terribly exciting one-sided victory for “Big Country.”  That pummeling now holds the distinction of being the most watched UFC fight ever on Spike TV, so it sounds like somebody really does owe Nelson a Double Whopper with cheese.  And God help you if he finds a pickle on there.

After years of watching Bob Sapp fight in Pride, K-1, and now Dream, I always assumed his pre-fight preparation involved weightlifting, a little bit of stairmaster while flipping through a copy of Self magazine, and a nightly regimen of practicing scary faces in the bathroom mirror.  But this video would have me believe that he’s actually in the gym training MMA moves in advance of his Super Hulk tournament bout against Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou on October 6.  By training, really I mean he’s throwing extremely slow strikes in between exhausted gulps of air.  But like the really fat people you see plodding their way through a slow motion workout at the gym, at least he’s in there doing something, right? 

To give Sapp the benefit of the doubt, it’s possible that this video was shot near the end of a grueling training session, and that’s why the act of throwing ten consecutive kicks seems as though it might make his lungs explode.  Or it could just be that Sapp’s body isn’t made for prolonged periods of activity, and no amount of encouragement from Antonio McKee is going to change that.  Good thing he’s got that acting career to fall back on. 

("Hug me or I’ll kill your entire family.")

According to an MMA Junkie report, Cristiane "Cris Cyborg" Santos may not be available to defend her 145-pound title at Strikeforce’s November 7th "Fedor vs. Rogers" event because of an injury, apparently suffered during her participation in the 2009 ADCC tournament in Barcelona. Said her manager, Richard Wilner: "It’s unlikely that Cris will be fighting on [Nov. 7] but still possible. I’m awaiting her return from Spain to get her assessed by a doctor here. Out of respect to Strikeforce, CBS and Cris’ potential opponent, we alerted them to this issue early so as not to interfere with pre-production, preparation, etc." When Santos does make her return, her first opponent is expected to be Dutch submission specialist Marloes Coenen. In other Strikeforce news…