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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

November, 2009

It’s a Thin Line Between Fun and Assault at Porn Star Parties


(War Machine’s struggle to learn appropriate ways of showing affection continues. Courtesy of EMMReport.com)

When it comes to choking people, there’s ‘fun choking’ and then there’s ‘charges pending choking.’  The trouble, at least for some people, is that they have a hard time differentiating between them until it’s too late.  Watch Kalib Run got ahold of some pre-brawl pictures of War Machine joking around with his porn star buddies at Brooke Haven’s birthday party, and while he does not seem to be on the verge of punching anyone in the face just yet, he also doesn’t come off as the kind of guy you’d want to invite to your sister’s graduation party.  But you knew that already, didn’t you?

On a related note, the birthday girl at the disastrous aforementioned party offered a public apology via Twitter to the people injured by Mr. Machine’s outburst at her celebration, and said she was "ready to testify if this goes to court."  So yeah, this ain’t going away.  Our only hope is that War Machine’s trial, complete with a litany of porn starts testifying for the prosecution, will turn out to be the unintentionally hilarious circus that we truly believe it can be.

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Jake Rosholt Says The UFC Cut Him


(How quickly they forget that time you totally jumped out of that pool.)

It’s a real bummer of a Monday for Jake Rosholt, as the 8-2 middleweight announced on his Twitter that he’s been cut from the UFC following a first-round submission loss to Kendall Grove at UFC 106.  Rosholt was terse about the whole thing, writing only: "Not a good day.  Just found out I got cut by the #UFC." 

Rosholt, a Division I wrestling champ and four-time All American at Oklahoma State, was undefeated before transitioning from the WEC to the UFC earlier this year, but he’s gone 1-2 since stepping in the Octagon, with his lone win coming via arm triangle chokeout against Chris Leben at UFC 102 in August.  What’s got to make this a really tough pill for Rosholt to swallow is that, right up until he got caught in that triangle, he was dominating Grove.  He pushed him all over the cage, took him down with ease, and appeared to be on his way toward a quick victory.  But one little mistake cost him the fight, and as an extra little kick in the balls he now he finds himself out of a job. 

Obviously some other organization can find a use for him, and it seems very likely that he’ll make his way back to the UFC in the future, but for right now it has to sting knowing that he should be spending his win bonus and thinking about who’s next.  Instead he’s circling the MMA want ads and reusing Ziploc bags to save money.  Just goes to show how easily fortunes change in this sport.  Keep your head up, Jake. 

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UFC 107 Extended Trailer: Penn vs. Sanchez, Mir vs. Kongo, Florian vs. Guida


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

The UFC hits Memphis for the first time on December 12th, and even though the card is short an Alves and a Duffee, it’s still going to be an enjoyable night of fights. Headlining the card is BJ Penn’s latest lightweight title defense against Diego Sanchez, who Joe Rogan describes as "crazy in the best way possible." Sanchez already believes that he’s the best 155-pounder in the world, and looks forward to proving it to the rest of us. Penn is only looking to have some fun out there, and live his dream for one more night. "I’m going to race you to the center of that ring, player," Sanchez says. "Feel your legs burning in the third round. Feel your lungs gasping for air, but you don’t get no oxygen. That’s what BJ Penn’s gonna feel come 12/12."

But wait, there’s more. Frank Mir wants Cheick Kongo to know that "he’ll never be the same human being when I get out of that cage with him…when I get a hold of him, it could be the last time he ever gets to compete as an athlete. You’re going to see the difference between a well-rounded martial artist versus a guy who never expanded upon his abilities." Kongo, whose feelings are clearly hurt, warns Mir about his big mouth. And finally, Kenny Florian and Clay Guida look to get back to lightweight contendership following recent high-profile losses. The complete UFC 107 lineup is after the jump; your predictions are appreciated.

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Insane MMA Offshoot of the Day: ‘Triple Warrior Combat’


(Props: HDWSHOWS via Fightlinker)

You know, it’s easy to dismiss San Do as a crackpot gimmick created by mentally handicapped people. (See also: Xtreme Arm Wrestling, Kung Fu Football) But watching this promo trailer for a new three-man MMA league, I can’t help but wonder if "Triple Warrior Combat" could be the future of the sport. Think about it: MMA is popular because human beings — particularly dudes in the 18-34 age range — have a weird compulsion to watch people fight. (Remember Dana White’s four corners analogy?) And fight promoters have always assumed that one guy vs. one guy is the smartest way to do things — and it is, without question. But is a fight between two people inherently more interesting than fights involving three or more people?

In other words, which would you rather see: This Saturday’s lightweight tilt between Frank Edgar and Matt Veach, or an out-of-control Russian supermarket brawl? To me, San Do seems like an attempt to regulate street fights and present them to paying audiences. People love street fights. Who knows what the combat sports landscape will look like in another 20 years, but I won’t be surprised if a multiple-combatant league becomes a legitimate option for fight fans. All I know is, one day there will be an undefeated heavyweight champion of beating-two-guys-at-the-same-time, and you will not want to fuck with this man.

(BG)

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A Few Days in Ithaca with Jon Jones

Jon Jones Fight Magazine

Those of you who are Fight Magazine subscribers probably already have your copy of the December issue.  The rest of you freeloaders will just have to go down to Borders and read it in the bathroom like the rest of the homeless people.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Now that you’re back, you’ve probably noticed that in addition to a hilarious feature about athletes taunting each other in the cage, this issue also features a cover story on Jon Jones by yours truly.  In order to write this bad boy, I flew to Montreal to meet Jones during his stay at the Tri-Star gym a couple of months out from his fight against Matt Hamill at this weekend’s TUF finale.  The only problem was that once I got to Montreal, I found out that Jones was still at home in Ithaca, NY. 

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CSAC Confirms Stance on Medical Marijuana, AKA “The Diaz Rule”


(Bad news like this is never easy to hear. Nick’s just going to have a minor freakout and then he’ll be with you in a moment.)

As any California resident with ADD and a desire to make jam bands seem worth listening to already knows, getting a prescription for medical marijuana in the Golden State is really no problem. Fighting for a living after smoking said medical marijuana, however, that’s a trickier issue.

Nick Diaz has the state’s consent to smoke his little heart out, but he doesn’t have the CSAC’s permission to fight with it in his system. His ability to beat a drug test with sufficient notice is well documented, but so is his inability to even show up for the test when he doesn’t get that notice. Just to make sure their position on medical marijuana use by licensed athletes is clear, the CSAC went ahead and made their case for coming down hard on the Nick Diaz’s of the sporting world, issuing a statement that draws upon state supreme court precedent to arrive at this conclusion:

Because the Compassionate Use Act only provides a defense to criminal charges, any argument that the Act would allow an athlete to use the drug without consequences to his or her license must fail. If the Court were to take up a similar challenge to discipline of a licensee, it would likely find that the Commission has a legitimate interest in whether or not an athlete uses the drug because marijuana could slow a fighter’s reflexes and endanger his or her health and safety in the ring or the cage.
Therefore, given the limited reach of the Compassionate Use Act and the rationale of the Supreme Court in Ross v. RagingWire Telcomm, the Commission may safely discipline an athlete without running afoul of any law or court decision.
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Fedor Emelianenko Celebrates Ratings Milestone With Unbelievable New Sweater

Fedor Emelianenko sweater MMA
Fedor Emelianenko MMA sweater
(Props: IrishRottie)

Okay, as far as we can tell, the above images are not photoshopped. At a recent media appearance somewhere in the Old Country, Fedor Emelianenko set aside his usual pastel stripes for a brand-new Daffy Duck sweater with matching Daffy Duck jeans, courtesy of Lot 29. I don’t even know how to interpret this. Is it a public "F U" to all us Internet knuckleheads who are obsessed with the Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory? Did he find it at a Salvation Army, and figure "hey, it fits, so why not"? Or does he genuinely love Looney Tunes and ugly sleeves? Considering Fedor’s drawings, his child-like tastes shouldn’t surprise us. And yet here we are, dumbfounded.

On a far-less-important note, Fedor’s November 7th bout with Brett Rogers may have been the most watched MMA fight in history. According to a new press release sent out by M-1 Global and Strikeforce, the fight was viewed by over 25 million fans worldwide, including 16 million in Russia, 5.46 million in the U.S., and millions more in South Korea, Japan, China, Latin America, the United Kingdom, New Zealand, Ukraine, Finland, Africa, Turkey, Israel, Indonesia, Bulgaria, Romania, and Malta. Said M-1 Global CEO Joost Raimond: "All early accounts and indications tell us that ‘Fedor vs. Rogers’ delivered worldwide more than any other MMA show in the history of the sport."

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War Machine’s Porn Career in Jeopardy After Allegedly Assaulting Girlfriend, Agent, and Several Terrified Partygoers

War Machine twitter MMA porn assault

So did you guys do anything crazy this weekend? Like, maybe beat the shit out of half the guest-list at a porn star’s birthday party? No? Well, you’ll never believe this, but that’s exactly what MMA tabloid hero War Machine did on Saturday night. Multiple reports are coming in, so we’ll try to piece this together from what we have…

— On Saturday night, Machine heads out to a b-day party for adult film actress Brooke Haven, held at a porn studio in Van Nuys. He appears to be in good spirits, though he was reportedly pissed off that his agent, Derek Hay (aka "Ben English"), wasn’t getting him enough work.

— Things quickly turn south when War allegedly punches his girlfriend, Alanah Rae, then drags her outside. This part of the story is hazy because although Terez Owens reports that Rae personally confirmed with him that War Machine decked her, she later went on Twitter to deny it. Still, there seems to be no difference in opinion over what happened next…

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Videos: One Last Blow-Up at the ‘TUF’ House, One Last Humiliation on ‘Dancing With the Stars’


(Props: MrBavers)

This Wednesday’s season finale of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights will be a two-hour mega-episode featuring four fights — the last two quarterfinal bouts and both semifinal matches — along with some heated emotions courtesy of Marcus "Big Baby" Jones. As you can see in the above preview, the eye-pokes that Scott Junk sustained in his fight against Matt Mitrione turn out to be career-threatening. When Jones hears the bad news about his friend, he gets way up in the face of the meatheaded culprit and promises him death. Mitrione figures if he keeps quiet and doesn’t make eye contact, the Babystorm will eventually drift away. Does it work, or does Matt catch a beating that knocks them both out of the competition? And how anti-climactic will this "final twist" be? Only three more days until all the questions are answered and we can finally put this awful season behind us.

After the jump: Speaking of finales, DWtS had theirs on Tuesday, and they brought Chuck Liddell back for a martial arts-themed dance showdown with Mark Dacascos. It was everything we hoped it wouldn’t be, and so much more…

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“Rampage” Jackson Would Like to Thank the Academy…

We’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: "Rampage" Jackson will be back.  If this clip from his performance in "Death Warrior" is any indicator — and how could it not be? — the dude just doesn’t have the acting chops to build a real future in the film business.  If we’re being honest, he doesn’t have the chops to hang in a community college production of "A Raisin in the Sun."  There’s a reason fighting and acting are two fields that generally do not compete for the same talent, and Jackson is a good example of why. 

Maybe he’s gotten some formal instruction since then and his "A-Team" performance will be much more polished, prompting a torrent of serious movie offers followed by a really awkward red carpet interview at Cannes that later leads to sexual assault charges.  It’s possible.  Then again, it’s also possible that Alexsander Emelianenko will be named executive director of the California State Athletic Commission, but we aren’t holding our breath.

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