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November, 2009

Breaking: Karo Parisyan Slapped With Lifetime UFC Ban After Pulling Out of Hazelett Fight

Dana White Karo Parisyan UFC 106
(Props: twitter.com/danawhite)

Look, everybody knows that Karo Parisyan is a very troubled young man. But we’re still shocked by the now-emerging news that Parisyan has pulled out of a fight at the last minute for the second time in his UFC career, directly following his nine-month suspension for the use of unapproved meds. Judging from his tweets, it’s obvious that UFC prez Dana White has had enough of Karo’s bullshit, and we may never see the Heat inside of the Octagon ever again. As for Parisyan’s "laundry list of excuses" for canceling his UFC 106 meeting with Dustin Hazelett, MMA Weekly presents one explanation:

Karo “The Heat” Parisyan is out of UFC 106 after failing to acquire a license in Nevada, according to Parisyan, due to not having the money to pay his fine from previously being suspended after testing positive for a three different pain killers following his UFC 94 bout with Kim Dong-hyun.
 
“There’s a lot of problems going on. They won’t re-license me unless I (expletive) pay them,” Parisyan told MMAWeekly.com. “I had to pay the $32,000 fine in order to fight. I never paid because I never had the money. I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back…Everything is over bro. I’m just going to go home. Everything is fucked up. I’ve got to think about what I’m going to do for my career. I’ve got to think about what I want to do as far as fighting goes.”

However, Nevada State Athletic Commission Executive Director Keith Kizer’s side of the story is quite a bit different. As he told Sherdog:

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UFC 106: The New Guys


(Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs. Dan Henderson, 4/23/05)

Of the 22 fighters testing their fates on Saturday night, three of them will be stepping into the Octagon for the first time — but don’t expect these guys to crack under the pressure. Read on to meet the MMA veterans and submission experts who will be trying to make dominant first impressions at "Ortiz vs. Griffin II"…

ANTONIO ROGERIO NOGUEIRA (LHW)
Experience: 17-3 record, with notable victories over Dan Henderson, Alistair Overeem (twice), Kazushi Sakuraba, and Vladimir Matyushenko (in January, which avenged his first career loss). Has won his last five fights, most recently submitting Dion Staring via triangle choke in May.
Will be facing: Luis Cane (10-1 with 1 no-contest, 3-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Whether you know him better as "Minotoro" or "Lil’ Nog," there’s a good chance you’re already aware of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira’s twin brother. The 33-year-old veteran of PRIDE, Affliction, and Sengoku has had a decorated career dating back to March 2001, and is considered by many to be one of the ten best light-heavyweights in the world right now. Though Antonio Rogerio comes from a BJJ background like his bro (who he trains with at Black House), four of his last six wins have come via TKO, and he won a bronze medal in boxing at the 2007 Pan American Games. Minotoro hasn’t lost a fight since his shock-upset KO defeat against Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou at PRIDE 33, nearly three years ago. Says Rogerio of his UFC debut: “For more than three years, UFC was my goal and now I’m just very happy to be here in the best event. The UFC has the best talent in the world, and I feel like now I’m going to be challenged like I’ve never been challenged before in my career…The fans can expect to see a very well-trained and well-prepared athlete who’s very focused and determined to win."

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 106

(Some glib video analysis of your UFC 106 betting options alongside Cagewriter‘s Steve Cofield and RawVegas.tv‘s Dave Farra.)

My father has a saying about betting on MMA fights: ‘I’m not loaning you any money, and if you so much as touch that spare change jar I’ll beat you with a shovel while you’re sleeping.’  I have no idea how that was supposed to help guide me, or for that matter, any of you, when it comes to deciding who to bet on at UFC 106 this Saturday night, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that he meant it when he said it.

The odds we’ll be using today come from BestFightOdds.com.

Forrest Griffin (-135) vs. Tito Ortiz (+130)
Josh Koscheck (+109) vs. Anthony Johnson (-115)
Amir Sadollah (-185) vs. Phil Baroni (+186)
Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (-143) vs. Luis Cane (+150)
Karo Parisyan (-105) vs. Dustin Hazelett (-105)
Marcus Davis (-205) vs. Ben Saunders (+190)
Jake Rosholt (-169) vs. Kendall Grove (+165)
Paulo Thiago (-260) vs. Jacob Volkmann (+250)
Brock Larson (-465) vs. Brian Foster (+400)
Caol Uno (-285) vs. Fabricio Camoes (+235)
George Sotiropoulos (-455) vs. Jason Dent (+355)

The breakdown…

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Nerd Alert!!!


(Enjoy your victory now, Shane Roller, for it appears that you’re about to be brought back to Tatooine to answer for your unpaid intergalactic debts. Props: WKR)

Those of you watching last night’s Shane Roller-Danny Castillo fight at WEC 44 may have found yourselves wondering, Who is the guy in the Boba Fett get-up, and when’s the last time he got laid?  Face it, except for the morning after Halloween, one sentence that no woman has ever proudly uttered to her girlfriends is, ‘I totally went home with that guy at the party last night whose face was covered by his "Star Wars" outfit.’  At least, no height-weight proportional woman ever has, unless that sentence is followed by, ‘Will you give me a ride to rehab?’

Word has it that the nerd in question here is jiu-jitsu coach Marc Laimon, who appears to be wearing this zip-up Fett hoodie from designer/MMA fan Marc Ecko.  It retails for $98, making it slightly cheaper than the Storm Trooper jacket and X-Wing Pilot hoodie, for reasons that are known only to Ecko.  We just hope that they come out with an Ewok hoodie by the next time Urijah Faber has to corner one of his buddies at a WEC event.  If anybody could make it seem almost cool, it’s that chronically laid-back son of a bitch.

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‘TUF 10′ Episode 10 Recap: Bump, Set, Spike, KTFO


(Schaub vs. Madsen stoppage, via bothmiddlefingers)

Matt Mitrione is still bitching about his alleged brain damage. He says a doctor’s visit revealed that he has some minor swelling in the brain, which turned into a migraine. As a result, he’s a little slow and it’s taking a little longer for him to say things. Trevor Wittman calls horseshit — swelling of the brain is life-threatening, and the doctor wouldn’t just send him back to the house. Coach Rashad still can’t get a clear read on if Mitrione really wants to continue fighting; he has to want it for himself more than his coaches want it for him. James McSweeney — who’s scheduled to fight Mitrione in the third quarterfinal match — feels that Mitrione is just playing games, and in his book, Meathead just went from "rat" to "two faced little bitch without a heart."

While rolling with Demico Rogers, Kimbo Slice tweaks his knee. He’d obviously be the first fighter to return if Mitrione has to withdraw from the competition, but Coach Rampage is worried that McSweeney would focus on the bum joint with kicks. (In Kimbo’s charming personal dialect, McSweeney is a "tree chopper.") Later, a doctor tells Kimbo that he’s missing some cartilage, but Kimbo won’t get a cortisone shot because big needles freak him out. He suffers through an ice bath outside the TUF house, while his housemates laugh at his agony.

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Featherweight Title Changes Hands Again as Jose Aldo Takes Out Mike Brown at WEC 44


(Aldo vs. Brown. Props: MMA Linker. If the video doesn’t load for you, click here.)

Last night at WEC 44 in Las Vegas, Jose "Junior" Aldo went from exciting prospect to King of the Featherweight Mountain. The 23-year-old Nova Uniao standout picked up his sixth-straight TKO victory in the WEC — as well as his first major title — by shutting down incumbent champion Mike Brown‘s advantages in strength and wrestling while unleashing his own fearsome finishing ability as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

The first round of their main event battle saw both men trade heavy strikes, with Aldo impressively defending Brown’s takedown efforts. Aldo found his moment early in the second frame, rattling the champ with a flying knee and punches, then shoving his off-balance opponent to the canvas when Brown came in with a left hook. Aldo quickly transitioned to back-mount on the ground, and began firing punches to the side of Brown’s head. Brown tried to roll out of danger, but found himself caught in a mousetrap-like body lock that kept him pinned on his stomach. Eventually he turtled, and "Worst Referee in the History of Fighting" Steve Mazzagatti had to step in and do his job.

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Spike TV Has Some UFC 105 Ratings That They’d Like To Put All Up In Strikeforce’s Face, If You Don’t Mind


(I think we all know what the young male audience was tuning in to see: Randy Couture’s brilliant and intoxicating smile. Props: MMA TKO)

Spike TV is a lot like those jerks who you play in a fantasy football league with.  There’s always one sure way to know when they did better than you, and it’s by checking your email inbox.  Spike sent out another email today touting the triumph of UFC 105 over Strikeforce on CBS, at least among a few key demographics.  According to Spike, UFC 105 drew an average of 2.9 million viewers on Saturday, which is considerably less than the 4.04 million that Strikeforce averaged.  UFC 105 peaked with 3.7 million viewers during the main event, whereas Strikeforce had 5.46 million watching Brett Rogers get his head knocked off. 

But just because they technically lost the overall ratings battle to a network TV event (which is expected), doesn’t mean they can’t hype their own numbers in the young male demographic that the UFC and Spike TV collectively own.  Just check out this handy breakdown they provided:

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Mark Your Calendars: Rua-Machida Rematch Planned For May 1 in Montreal


(Enjoy your long winter breaks, boys.  Try to lay off the Christmas chocolates.)

According to Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports, the UFC is spreading the word that May 1 will bring the much-anticipated and very necessary rematch between UFC light heavyweight champ Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua in Montreal.  That also happens to be May Day, so maybe Machida and Rua will celebrate by leading their fellow UFC workers in a bloody revolution against the bourgeoisie oppressors in the Zuffa front office.  More likely though, they’ll just fight each other for a whole lot of money in front of a packed audience of Quebecois.  

Sure, May is kind of a long time to wait for this rematch, and by then we may have forgotten how heated we were about the controversy surrounding the decision, but after going five hard rounds these guys need some time off before they begin another training camp.  Plus, if the UFC waits long enough, maybe the light heavyweight division will sort itself out and an obvious challenger will appear.  Or maybe by then "Rampage" Jackson will be filming an "A-Team" sequel, Rashad Evans will have joined the cast of "The Real World," and Tito Ortiz will be directing porn movies under the name Rod Poundington.  The way the UFC’s luck has been lately, it’s not really that far-fetched. 

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Everything You Need to Know About the WEC’s Jose Aldo In Seven Minutes Or Less

WEC 44 is just a few hours from now, and as we already told you once, the Mike Brown-Jose Aldo title fight promises to be a war that you do not want to miss.  Ever since Brown shocked the world against Urijah Faber, we’ve all had our chance to see what kind of tools that particular contractor is using to build his foundation, but what about Aldo?  You may not be completely familiar with the 23-year-old Brazilian, but the good news is that it won’t take you long to get caught up.  In his last three WEC fights, he’s spent a grand total of 6:02 in the cage, winning all three via TKO.  Add in introductions and a couple of rewinds to fully appreciate his explosive finishes, and you can see it all in around seven minutes. 

Take the time to enjoy the man’s body of work, won’t you?  He’d do the same for you, or at least he would if you did anything aside from reading the internet and playing those damn video games.

Aldo vs. Mickle, and a very low-fi version of Aldo vs. Perez are both after the jump.

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Brockwatch: Lesnar’s Chiropracter Says the Canadians And Their Damned Socialized Medicine Messed Him Up

Brock Lesnar
(He feared no man.  Canadian doctors?  Well, that’s a different story. Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine)

Free health care might work just fine for most Canadians.  If Georges St. Pierre discovers a bizarre rash after his post-fight debauchery or Alanis Morissette decides to pop out a kid, it’s no problem.  But their system of caring for the sick and injured without driving them into bankruptcy just isn’t up to dealing with the big problems of a big man, particularly not when that big man is as much of a red-blooded American as Brock Lesnar.  According to what Lesnar’s chiropractor, Larry Novotny, told a local news affiliate in Alexandria, Minn., Lesnar’s current health problems really started heading downhill while vacationing in Canada, the land of free medicine and wonderfully polite death panels.  I think you know who he’s going to blame.

Said Novotny: "His symptoms became severe while in Canada, which because of their health care system, made it difficult to manage.  At this point it’s a possibility that it could jeopardize his career." 

Okay, Novotny.  Fair enough.  But you’re forgetting to mention that it didn’t cost him a penny.  Still a good deal for the money, no?

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