seth rogen james franco the interview
Six Other Seth Rogen/James Franco Films That Should’ve Been Canceled

November, 2009

Karo Parisyan’s UFC Return Pits Him Against His Greatest Foe: His Own Mind

Karo Parisyan
(Just relax, breathe deeply, and picture everyone in their underwear.)

It’s been a tough couple of years for Karo Parisyan.  The Armenian-born judoka who once famously declared himself “too talented to train,” has been sidelined for the last nine months due to a suspension resulting from his use of painkillers prior to his split decision win (subsequently changed to a no contest) against Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94.  Before that, he pulled out of UFC 88 the night before the weigh-ins with a back injury aggravated by panic attacks, and that was after his TKO loss to Thiago Alves.  What I’m saying here is, the man’s been going through some trials and tribulations.

Now he returns at UFC 106 to take on submission specialist/supernerd Dustin Hazelett and the question remains, what’s the deal with Karo?  Is he still a UFC caliber fighter, or just a guy with an inflated sense of self who might fly off the handle and demand to know whether you’re aware of who he is?  According to what Parisyan told UFC.com, he realizes that he hasn’t been about much lately, and that’s because his most difficult struggle is just being trapped inside his own head:

“I’m not making any excuses for my last few fights, but anxiety played a huge role in me not being properly prepared. Anxiety takes over your life. I have it under control now, but imagine having anxiety all night and not being able to sleep because you’re worrying about every little thing. How are you going to be able to train and fight when you’re dealing with something like that?”

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The Danavlog Where He Calls Steve Mazzagatti “The Worst Referee In The History of Fighting”

It’s the week of UFC 106, but coming off a trip across the pond for last weekend’s show, Dana White doesn’t feel like he has enough material for a new video blog.  Fortunately for him, his personal videographer never uploaded the fight night footage from UFC 104 in Los Angeles, so why not just put that on the internet and call it good?  Things are going smoothly at first.  DW presses the flesh with some celebrities, talks to some fighters in the locker rooms, passes by ace interviewer and hopelessly unfashionable friend of the Potato Ariel Helwani (is that a flannel shirt? is it 1994?) at the 5:15 mark.  But when he watches refereee Steve Mazzagatti’s oddly-timed stoppage in the Cain Velasquez-Ben Rothwell fight, that’s when White loses his cool just a bit.

"Mazzagatti will fuck up any fight," White says directly into the camera.  "The worst referee in the history of fighting.  Period.  I don’t care if there was a fight back in the old days, okay, the Stone Age.  Mazzagatti is the worst referee ever.  The guy has no business watching mixed martial arts, let alone refereeing it."

White then visited both Velasquez and Rothwell to make sure they both knew what a terrible referee Mazzagatti was, and after that he presumably called Mazzagatti’s children to let them know that their father is a failure.  That part must have been edited out.

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Report: Randy Couture vs. Mark Coleman to Headline UFC 109

Mark Coleman UFC MMA
(Whaddya say, old-timer? One last job, for all the Lipitor?)

According to Sherdog, UFC hall-of-famers Randy Couture and Mark Coleman have verbally agreed to a light-heavyweight headlining match at UFC 109 (February 6th, Las Vegas). Combined age for the fight: 90. At 46 years and five months old at the time of his decision win over Brandon Vera last weekend, Couture is the oldest person to score a victory in the UFC. (If only Ron van Clief had pulled off the upset.) Coleman, who made his Octagon debut at UFC 10 in July 1996, has had the longest career of any fighter currently under contract with Zuffa.

The pairing tells us two things. First, that the UFC realizes a razor-thin decision over Brandon Vera isn’t enough to throw Couture directly into a 205-pound title fight; he’ll need at least one more win over somebody he can beat, preferably by stoppage. And second, that the UFC is absolutely desperate for headlining bouts. Couture vs. Coleman may turn out to be a #1 light-heavyweight contender’s match, but it certainly doesn’t deserve to be. Unfortunately, there are no bigger fights available to main-event the card. Though a middleweight title match between Anderson Silva and Vitor Belfort was previously expected to headline UFC 109, Belfort says he may be fighting someone else at the February show.

Fun fact: In 1989, Couture and Coleman met in a freestyle wrestling match at the 1989 Olympic Festival at Oklahoma State; Coleman won by one point. So you can expect the UFC to start referring to this fight as a "MAIN EVENT GRUDGE MATCH."

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: WEC 44


(Genghis Con says, get hyped for Brown vs. Aldo.  That’s an order, soldier.)

With so much going on this week, you might be forgiven for completely forgetting about Wednesday night’s WEC event.  At least, you might be forgiven by most people.  Myself, I’m the type to hold a grudge.  I’m also the type to act on that grudge by stabbing you with a broken bottle of Mad Dog while screaming incoherently.  But that’s me.  I’m old fashioned.  Let’s bet on some fights, shall we?

Betting odds come to us courtesy of BestFightOdds.com.

Mike Brown (-113) vs. Jose Aldo (+102)
Manny Gamburyan (+105) vs. Leonard Garcia (-105)
Rob McCullough (-145) vs. Karen Darabedyan (+145)

Danny Castillo (-135) vs. Shane Roller (+115)

Kamal Shalorus (-160) vs. Will Kerr (+145)

Diego Nunes (-160) vs. LC Davis (+145)

Cub Swanson (-270) vs. John Franchi (+260)

Antonio Banuelos (-200) vs. Kenji Osawa (+190)

Ricardo Lamas (-225) vs. James Krause (+215)

Seth Dikun (+150) vs. Frank Gomez (-155)

The breakdown…

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Brockwatch: Lesnar Out of Surgery, Feeling Better

And so the Brock Lesnar illness saga continues.  According to Dana White’s Twitter, the UFC heavyweight champ is out of "minor surgery" and beginning to feel better.  Since the surgery was presumably designed to help deal with a bacterial infection in his intestinal tract, it’s hard to imagine that there could anything too minor about it.   Where I come from, wisdom tooth extraction = minor, anything having to do with intestines = major.

At least the surgery sounds like it went well and now White can finally get out of Bismarck.  Meanwhile, every other fighter in the UFC is forced to ask himself, what would it take for Dana to come visit me in a place like North Dakota?  The answer, of course, depends on who you are.  Georges St. Pierre?  Probably wouldn’t take much more than a mild heart attack.  Tito Ortiz?  There’d better be some exposed brain matter involved.  Kendall Grove?  Unless aliens show up and declare him their emperor for life, DW isn’t even getting out of bed.

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Shane Carwin Wants You to Leave Brock Lesnar Alone


(…and don’t even get him started on Britney Spears.)

UFC heavyweight contender Shane Carwin, typically one of Brock Lesnar’s harshest critics, has taken to the internet to defend the champ and shame the fans who doubt that his illness is real.  In a message posted to the UG forum, Carwin says that you don’t have to like Lesnar and his “antics,” but says fans “should have respect for the human side of what is happening here.”  In addition to offering his condolences and prayers for Lesnar’s full recovery, Carwin also made it very clear that he doesn’t want Lesnar to be stripped of the title just because he’s too sick to defend it: 

 

Talk of stripping a man of his title due to illness will set this sport back farther then anything Brock has ever said. We need our Champions healthy and defending. I know the show will go on but to be a Champion you must beat a Champion.

In other words, Carwin’s record as the classiest son of a bitch in all of MMA remains unblemished.  Obviously, he’s right.  As much as some of us might want to see Carwin put his enormous fist through Lesnar’s face, it’s far more important to see Lesnar get healthy.  He may not be the nicest or the most compassionate guy in the world, but he’s still a human being.   A gigantic, ill-tempered human being, who we all hope makes a quick and complete recovery.

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Who Is This Imposter and What Has He Done With Phil Baroni?


(Don’t miss next week’s episode of ‘My Baroni,’ when Phil accidentally makes a date with two different ring girls on the same night!)

You may have been so excited about Tito Ortiz bringing his one-man Schadenfreude act back to the UFC that you forgot all about it, but another Octagon veteran returns at UFC 106, and it’s the NYBA himself, Phil Baroni.  When last we saw Baroni he was fending off allegations that he was pharmaceutically-enhanced before losing a one-sided decision to Joe Riggs in Strikeforce.  Now he’s one of the rare fighters to get another shot in the UFC immediately after a loss, and he takes on Amir Sadollah this Saturday night in a contest between two guys in desperate need of a win. 

So go on, Phil.  Tell us all about how bad you’re going to beat this mamaluke, or maybe something about how you’ve been avoiding having sex with your wife lately.  Come on and dazzle us.  It’s been too long and we can hardly wait to hear your new material:

“Look, I’ve said it all already,” Baroni said. “The trash talking is starting to sound like a broken record, even to me. Nothing that I say is going to affect the outcome of the fight. Nothing he says is going to affect the outcome of the fight. There is no need to hype it up because he is a big name among the fans after winning the reality show. I’m coming to reestablish myself in the UFC at his expense, and I’m sure he is coming to do the exact same thing at my expense, since he lost his last bout. …I’m done with all that, at least for now.  I’m not focused on that stuff. I’m focused on my training. I’ve got a tremendous opportunity in front of me, and I’m doing everything that I can to properly prepare so that I can take full advantage of it.”

Phil, it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.

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Yep, Andre Winner Got Screwed Out of KO of the Night at UFC 105


(Props: MMA TKO…again)

When we heard that Dennis Siver received UFC 105′s Knockout of the Night bonus instead of Andre Winner, who appeared to have seriously affected Roli Delgado’s future consumption of solid foods with that blistering right hand, we were a little taken aback.  But okay, we thought, in all fairness, we hadn’t seen Siver’s knockout.  Winner’s was clearly a brainstem adjustor of the first class variety, but maybe, just maybe, Siver’s was so spectacular that it made Winner look like he’d barely squeaked by.  It’s possible, right?

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Brockwatch: Lesnar in Stable Condition, Will Leave Hospital Soon

Brock Lesnar Joe Rogan UFC MMA
("…so I said, ‘Incurable disease? My God, what’s the *good* news?’ And the doctor says, ‘We’re going to name it after you.’")

From the Associated Press:

BISMARCK, N.D. — UFC President Dana White said Monday that heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar is recovering from a bacterial infection in his intestinal tract. "He’s in stable condition and should be released soon," UFC President Dana White said.
 
Asked if Lesnar was in a Bismarck hospital, White said, "I think he is," but did not want to say which hospital because he wanted to protect Lesnar’s privacy.
 
White said he is encouraging Lesnar to check into the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., for further treatment. He also said he did not know if the 32-year-old South Dakota native will fight again. "It depends on how serious this is," White said…
 
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Pics: UFC Ring Girl Natasha Wicks Goes ‘Au Natural’

Natasha Wicks UFC ring girl ass

Randy Couture Natasha Wicks UFC
(Photos courtesy of Mad Alex Photography via Fightlinker)

One of the cool things about being divorced is that you get to manhandle ring girls at photoshoots without the threat of your wife socking you in the head with a rolling pin later. No, the only things waiting for you when you come home will be dirty laundry, Dinty Moore beef stew, and sweet, blissful silence. (Or maybe, if you’re Randy Couture, your next future ex-wife.) After the jump: More pics from Mad Alex‘s new Natasha Wicks photo set, plus behind-the-scenes video from the shoot… 

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