(Props: MMA Share)

With Houston Alexander and Kimbo Slice set to square off in a "Ultimate Fighter" finale fight that could have been the Super Bowl of backyard brawls a few years ago, it seems only fitting that we take a look at what happens when the social contract breaks down and one man fails to adhere to the Chill Dawg Rule, which has a clear precedent in the fighting world.  What you see here is a fight between Kristijan Golubovic and Marian Rusu in a Serbian event ironically titled "Ultra FC: Stop the Crime." 

While there is no official word on whether this event succeeded in halting all crime in Serbia, it could not have helped that this fight turned into a lawless shit-show less than thirty seconds in.  Rusu was eventually ruled the loser via leg injury, but his opponent was reluctant to let him off that easily, chasing him around the cage and shoving the ref down in order to continue fighting a man who clearly wanted out.  I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, since Golubovic appears to be a pretty famous criminal in his home country.  He also has an awesomely obnoxious website.

Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there.  There’s nothing cool about failing to chill when asked properly.

After sifting through over 250 entries for our latest caption contest — most of them absolutely awful — we found nine that stood out from the rest of the pack. Check ‘em out after the jump, and vote for your favorite in the poll on the right; the winners will be announced on Monday morning. If you haven’t been nominated, don’t freak out: You can still obtain a Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory shirt from 62Gear.com for just $21.95. Check out all of Six Deuce’s lovely designs right here, and big ups to everybody who participated.

After his latest “Do you wanna be an [expletive] fighter” speech on the last episode, Dana White is surprised that nobody is stepping over Matt Mitrione to take his spot, which is strange because Scott Junk made it very clear that he’d just do that, wrecked eye notwithstanding. One guy who definitely isn’t down to fight is (wait for it) Kimbo Slice, who’s concerned about his arthritis-stricken knee and starts throwing out excuses. Bottom line is, he won’t be able to perform at full strength, and he can’t stomach another loss, so he’d just rather not fight, if that’s cool.

“I am in no position to fight a kickboxer like James McSweeney at this point,” he says, adding that it would “demise” him a little bit taking the fight knowing he wasn’t healthy. Dana White is a little taken back; he didn’t expect this from Kimbo, whose gameness was supposed to be his best quality. But that’s the situation. The season’s poster boy turns out to be a total bust. I demand a refund.

Luckily, Matt Mitrione feels healthy again. He tells Rashad that he’s been cleared to fight, and Rashad tells us "I bet he called the doctor and the doctor said ‘listen kid, I told you two days ago you could fight,’” which is hilarious because that’s pretty much exactly how it went down. Finally, Mitrione admits that his head injury story was exaggerated to mess with James McSweeney and keep himself entertained. Ohhhhh, now it all makes sense…

(You don’t dress for the job you have, you dress for the job you want: manager of an inner-city Boot Barn location. Everybody has a dream.)

The final episode of "The Ultimate Fighter" season ten, is just a few hours away, and the boys at Spike TV seem like they may be worried that there isn’t enough at stake to make you tune in for the full two-hour show.  To remedy that, they sent out a teaser email promising that Kimbo Slice‘s future will be "revealed" tonight, prompting us to wonder whether this is finally going to be the TUF episode where the guys encounter a gypsy woman on the road during the drive home from the gym and she tells everyone’s fortune by looking at globules of their spit on the pavement (bad news for Wes Sims, he drowns in the Bering Sea this March). 

To further pique our interest on the matter, Ferg himself had this to say:

"Now it’s time for the next step in my career. Everyone will see what that is tonight on Spike. …It’s gonna be good.  Watch the show tonight. You’ll see what’s next for me. All I can say is that somebody’s getting knocked out. …Everybody knows what my stronghold is.  People will be able to see me and judge for themselves."

The weird part is, we pretty much already know what Kimbo’s immediate future holds; he’s fighting Houston Alexander.  So what’s all this next step stuff?  Unless something else happens in tonight’s episode to guide Slice’s life down a dramatically different path.  Something totally insane… 

We told you Diego Sanchez was a little bit weird, but you just wouldn’t believe us.  Maybe you’ll change your mind once you see his pre-UFC 107 video blog, in which he plays with an iguana to help his reflexes.  Not that we don’t respect his positive attitude.  I mean, the guy’s car breaks down on the side of the road and he breaks into song.  Although it’s still unclear how he turned that particular negative into a positive.  From what we can tell, it was pretty much all negative.  Sure, he got a ride in someone else’s Toyota Yaris, but those of us who have driven a Yaris know damn well that it’s basically one step up from those Flintstones cars, if that.  At least those things looked heavy enough that you didn’t have to worry about a strong wind sweeping you off the road.

After the jump, we give equal time to some of B.J. Penn‘s annoying thirty second videos.   Because editing stuff together is for haoles, bra.

(Noons vs. Diaz I.  Yeah, we’re assuming there’s going to be a II soon.)

It’s been over a year since K.J. Noons was stripped of his EliteXC title and accused of all manner of bitchassery by everyone from Nick Diaz to Jared Shaw, but he’s finally decided to sign with an MMA promotion and give this crazy sport of ours another try.  Sherdog reports that Noons has signed with Strikeforce and will make his debut in either December or January. 

What we really want to know, however, is how long until the Noons and Diaz clans get to go at it again.  There’s some serious unfinished business there, and with Nick Diaz’s recent wins over Frank Shamrock and Scott Smith while Noons was off being a mediocre pro boxer, maybe "King Karl" can see fit to give Diaz a rematch and settle this thing once and for all, weight classes be damned.  Like the prophet said, "Thou shalt not be scared, homey."  Only if/when those two do get together again, maybe Strikeforce shouldn’t plan on doing it California.  MMA’s Rosa Parks still isn’t ready to make nice and give up his seat just yet.

(I’m not sure I even want to see the g-string he’s planning to stuff that into.)

Your first grade teacher used to say there was no such thing as a stupid question. She was an alcoholic who dropped out of law school and became a teacher so she’d could get to the bar by 3 pm everyday and have all summer to drink herself into a stupor. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? Well, we thought you should hear it from us. Here are some other answers you aren’t going to like. Got a question of your own? Ask it here.

What happens if Money Mayweather vs. Pacquiao gets made for May 1? Does Dana White move Machida vs. Rua II off of that date? Let’s face it, a man in his position can’t afford to be made to look ridiculous……the smart business move is to move off of that date, but avoiding competition from Boxing is unlike anything Dana has done in the past. Thoughts? – Operation Shutdown

First of all, Pacquiao-Mayweather seems now like it will happen on March 13, which will probably be the same date as UFC 111, the event where Georges St. Pierre and Dan Hardy will throw caution, common sense, and health codes to the wind simply by traveling to Newark, New Jersey. But your point remains, if they’re on the same night, should the UFC pull out of a date simply to avoid a head-to-head showdown with a huge boxing event?

(Jones vs. Danny Green, 12/2/09)

Roy Jones Jr. fought in Australia last night — or, technically, today — against 36-year-old Australian boxer Danny Green.  It did not go well for Roy.  Though Jones was a -350 favorite with oddsmakers, he got dropped early on in the first round and never really recovered.  The old hand speed, the head that never stayed in one place long enough for opponents to even get a good look at it, all of that was gone as Green poured on the punishment for a first-round TKO victory.  Said Green afterwards: "I almost felt bad doing that.  It almost hurt me to do that to someone I look up to as a professional inside and outside the ring."

When they start talking about you like that, it’s time to hang them up.  Looks like that Anderson Silva fight would be a mismatch now after all, only not in the way some previously thought. 

The thing about Manhoef is, while he will almost certainly never be champion in an organization with so many adept grapplers, he’ll also never be in a boring fight.  Yeah, he can be taken down and submitted, and ideally you’d like to see more improvement in that area of his game from a guy who’s been in the sport for that long.  But the man is a human tornado of pain.  To put it in terms Dana White would appreciate, if you had a basketball game on one corner, a baseball game on another, a football game on a third, and a fight on the fourth, a crowd of people would still walk to the next block to see Manhoef go crazy on some poor bastard.  I mean, the guy knocked out Mark Hunt for crying out loud.

If you don’t believe it, get your fill after the jump.  Unless you’re a fan of Sakuraba, Evangelista Santos, or intact brain cells.

(Sinosic: Australian for "punching bag.")

Unlike some other ragged-ass UFC events that we could mention, the UFC’s first excursion to Australia is shaping up to be their strongest card in recent memory. We already knew that UFC 110 (February 21st, Sydney) may feature Big Nog vs. Cain Velasquez in the main event, with Wanderlei Silva vs. Michael Bisping in the co-main spot, and Mirko Cro Cop vs. Ben Rothwell in a "who wants to keep their job?" exhibition. But the good times don’t stop there. According to new reports, here’s who else will be headed down under…

— Ryan Bader vs. Keith Jardine. Bader is a perfect 10-0 in his professional MMA career, and has earned unanimous decisions over veterans Carmelo Marrero and Eric Schafer since winning the TUF 8 light-heavyweight contract last December. He’ll be meeting the free-falling Keith Jardine, who has dropped four of his last six fights, including back-to-back losses against Quinton Jackson and Thiago Silva. You gotta feel for the Dean of Mean. The UFC has given him nothing but monsters, and he’s clearly being used as a stepping stone here. If Jardine can’t give Bader his first loss, he may be getting a time-out from his UFC contract.

(‘Have I won yet?’ Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Despite his belief that he is the "number one freaking contender" in the UFC’s welterweight division, Josh Koscheck is going to have to wait until Georges St. Pierre and Dan Hardy do their thing in March before he’ll get a chance to act on it.  Koscheck wants to fight once a month in 2010, so odds are he’s not going to be content with just sitting around and working on his memoir (tentatively titled, What Are You Looking At, Geek?) until then.  In the meantime, a rematch between Koscheck and Brazilian police commando Paulo Thiago seems to be in the works for UFC 109 in February. 

It makes sense.  The first time they met Kos seemed to be in control until a surprise uppercut from Thiago floored him, leaving him complaining about an early stoppage and thus generating our very own ‘WTF is your problem?’ rule.  Thiago looked competent, though not spectacular against Jacob "Christmas" Volkmann at UFC 106, so why not see if his win over Koscheck was just a beautiful fluke?  Of course, this isn’t without its risks for our bleached blonde friend.

In his recent fights UFC lightweight champ B.J. Penn has fallen into a pattern of making it personal with his opponents before the bout, then embracing them like old friends once he’s beaten them up.  In this video he says he wanted to feed Kenny Florian some extra elbow strikes for making him look like a fool and a liar in the media, because "that’s what I felt he deserved."  This assertion casts Penn as not only the dominant lightweight champ, but also as a sort of avenging angel of justice in his fights.  He’s not just thinking about winning in there; that’s a foregone conclusion.  He’s taking into account your past deeds and considering how much punishment you deserve, which is kind of disturbing and also kind of awesome.

As for Diego Sanchez, Penn may let him off with just a loss.  He can’t think of anything bad to say about the guy, except that he’s a little strange, which Diego will tell you himself.  The real question here is whether Penn will be in the kind of shape to go five rounds with a human perpetual motion machine like "The Nightmare."  He says it won’t be a problem.  He also says his work ethic has never been an issue.  There’s reason to doubt at least one of those claims.

(Who doesn’t love a sweaty staring contest?)

When it was initially announced that Vitor Belfort was getting the next crack at UFC middleweight champ Anderson Silva, everyone from Ed Soares to Belfort himself acknowledged that this was at least partially bullshit.  The good news is that, with Anderson Silva still sidelined due to a lingering injury, Belfort looks like he’ll get his chance to prove he deserves the shot in a top contender bout with Nate Marquardt.  Think of it as a rare instance of an injury pullout by a UFC champ resulting in a fight that probably makes more sense than the original title contest.  When you think about how often this type of thing has been happening to the UFC of late, it only makes sense that sooner or later it would have to turn out to be a blessing in disguise.  That’s just the law of averages at work.

Meanwhile, let’s take a step back and look at the current state of the UFC championship belts:

(Hughes isn’t even going to pretend to be interested in Dana White’s slides from his vacation to Disneyworld.  Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Matt Hughes may finally have a date for his next UFC bout, though he doesn’t have an official opponent just yet.  According to his blog, Hughes says he’ll likely be back in action on April 10, which would put him on the UFC 112 fight card.  He says he’ll tell fans "who and where" he’ll be fighting when it’s officially confirmed.  Renzo Gracie has been mentioned as a possible opponent for Hughes, though the Brazilian later shot down reports that the two would get it on as soon as February.  The mere fact that Hughes hasn’t publicly shot down the idea of facing Gracie, as he has with almost every other plausible suggestion offered to him, is somewhat encouraging. 

In other news via Hughes’ blog, Robbie Lawler and his wife are expecting a baby boy in February.  Hughes acknowledged that the information wasn’t "quite public, but I’ve never been that guy to keep my mouth shut."  It’s probably best he went ahead and told us.  A quick glance at Robbie Lawler’s blog reveals that he’s written a grand total of twelve entries in a year and a half, and none since July.  And here I always just assumed that Lawler’s blog would be a steady stream of You Tube clips of kittens doing cute stuff.  Guess you never really know anyone as well as you think you do.

(Does this look like a man who considers the consequences and repercussions of his actions?)

Nick Diaz’s chief enabler/manager Cesar Gracie weighed in on the California State Athletic Commission’s recent clarification of their stance on athletes and medical marijuana. If you’ve followed the adventures of Cesar and Nick in past episodes such as “Nick screws over Strikeforce” and “Nick gets pulled from EliteXC event,” it probably won’t surprise you to know that Gracie isn’t responding by insisting that his fighter get clean or find himself new management:

“Just when he gets licensed, he probably shouldn’t smoke,” said Gracie. “That’s my advice to him. If you’re going to fight, don’t smoke. Besides that, there are a lot of states in the country. He could go fight in Japan. He could fight wherever he wants.”

[…]

According to MiddleEasy, Houston-based kickboxer/model Sarah “Sugar Foot” Ponce may be tapped as a competitor for the 135-pound women’s tournament that Strikeforce is planning for next year. Though Ponce has never competed in MMA, she’s a fairly seasoned kickboxer, with a 12-1 pro record and appearances in the World Combat League and the Wushu Tournament Beijing 2008. When she’s not modeling swimwear, Ponce hones her craft at Houston’s Kickboxing Gym with trainer Mike Altman. Could we be looking at Strikeforce’s next breakout female star? More photos of Sarah await you after the jump, courtesy of UjENA/UjENANetwork.