Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

January, 2010

Everything Was Going So Well Up to This Point…

(One blind punch can sure screw up a guy’s picks something awful. Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine.)

By now we’ve all had a chance to see how we fared in our individual FightPicker pools, and then follow that up with the appropriate amount of gloating/sobbing at the sight of the overall standings. I’ll admit that I wasn’t feeling too great about finishing third in my pool, but hey, that’s what I get for thinking Nick Diaz and Marius Zaromskis would take longer than a round to reach that level of reckless abandon. Third felt acceptable. It felt almost dignified. Then my wife pointed out that she beat me. By a lot. And not only did she win her pool, she’s tied for first overall.

I spent the next several hours sitting alone in a dark room, feeling bad about myself and reevaluating some life choices. If only Melvin Manhoef hadn’t gotten quite so overeager, I kept telling myself, things might have been different. But that’s not the way it worked out, thanks to Robbie Lawler’s Hail Mary right hook, and now I get to hear about it for the rest of my life. Or until I redeem myself with UFC 109.

Feel free to use the comments section below to curse your picks, brag about what a magnificent human being you are, complain about some perceived injustice, or do whatever you need to do to process the results.


At Least Wes Sims Is Entertaining Outside of the Cage

(Skip to the 0:21 mark to see Ariel Helwani having a near-death experience at the hands of Wes Sims.)

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Wes Sims would claim his loss to Bobby Lashley at last night’s Strikeforce event was the result of an incompetent referee and an unscrupulous opponent. I guess I also shouldn’t be surprised that he showed up to fight looking like he might be five months pregnant, or that he claims to think that the fight was stopped too early. But the fact that he could say, with a straight face, that Lashley didn’t do anything but take him down and lay on him, that seems absurd even for Sims. As anyone who actually watched the fight knows, it was Lashley doing most of the work on the mat while Sims was, in Mauro Ranallo’s words, “holding on for dear life but not defending himself intelligently.”

If you go back and watch the video, just after the two-minute mark you can clearly hear the referee warning Lashley about the thumb to the throat several times, so maybe Sims has a legitimate gripe there. Did it change the outcome of the fight? Based on the fact that Sims’ game plan seemed to consist of a test of strength followed by a lot of pained facial expressions, I’m going to go ahead and say no.

Check out Lashley’s bemused response to all this nonsense after the jump.


‘Strikeforce: Miami’ Fight Videos — Diaz vs. Zaromskis, Lawler vs. Manhoef, Lashley vs. Sims

(Nick Diaz vs. Marius Zaromskis)

From last night’s Strikeforce: Miami show. More after the jump…


‘Strikeforce: Miami’ — Live Results + Commentary

Cris Cyborg Cristiane Santos Marloes Coenen Strikeforce Miami weigh-ins
("Nice flower-tattoo, cupcake. I just got a tattoo of the Virgin Mary being ripped apart by pitbulls, directly on my asshole." / Photo courtesy of Strikeforce. More pics are below, including one of an alarmingly fat Wes Sims.)
Marius Zaromskis Nick Diaz Strikeforce Miami MMARobbie Lawler Melvin Manhoef Strikeforce Miami MMABobby Lashley Wes Sims Strikeforce Miami MMAHerschel Walker Greg Nagy Strikeforce Miami fight MMA photos

Tonight’s Strikeforce event at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Florida (aka "Miami") has such a fantastic mix of high-level MMA and can’t-look-away freak shows. On the top of the card you’ve got Nick Diaz battling for Strikeforce’s vacant welterweight title against head-kickin’ rising star Marius Zaromskis, while 145-pound lady-champ Cristiane "Cris Cyborg" Santos makes her first belt defense against Dutch submission artist Marloes Coenen. On the other end of the card, 47-year-old former football star Herschel Walker will kick off his cage-fighting career against Greg Nagy, while Wes Sims — who owns the physique of a 47-year-old — will do his best to avoid getting squashed by pro-wrestler Bobby Lashley. And somewhere in-between, Robbie "Brawler" Lawler and Melvin "Man-Hoof" Manhoef will launch leather at each other until one of them can no longer intelligently defend himself. If you’re not excited for this card, then you probably don’t use words like "excited" in general. Live results from the Showtime broadcast will be piling up after the jump, starting at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

Update: Dubus22 wins the t-shirt! Please send your name, address, and size to


Friday Link Dump

(The Matt Serra video blog continues down its usual path.)

- Frank Shamrock says don’t count Marloes Coenen out just yet. (Cagewriter)

- Jay Hieron just wants his mom to see him fight on TV. (Fighters Only)

- Wes Sims has been training for Bobby Lashley his whole career? (MMA Fighting)

- Strikeforce: Miami preview and predictions. (Heavy)

- Roxanne Modafferi is at it again in Japan. (Fightlinker)

- Marius Zaromski is always just one kick away. (Fight Magazine)

- Booked: upcoming fights on the MMA horizon. (The Rumble)

- Top 10 most lethal strikers in the UFC. (Bleacher Report)

- Kurt Warner announces his retirement. (Scores Report)

- A movie about being a man: The Graduate. (Ask Men)

- This is what happens when a protest gets protested. (Asylum)

- 25 people kicked in the nuts. (Holy Taco)

- 16 villians we’d rather see win. (Screen Junkies)

- How to break up online. (Made Man)

- Greatest fan commercial…ever. (All Left Turns)

- Insane kid jumps onto the top of a moving bus. (Nothing Toxic)


Strikeforce Weigh-In Results

(Finally, someone to ask Herschel Walker the hard-hitting questions, like how do you deal with a spontaneous erection in the middle of math class? Photo courtesy of All Elbows.)

The main card fighters all managed to make weight today for Saturday night’s Strikeforce: Miami event, though we did find out that if Herschel Walker plans on making a serious go of it in MMA, he might want to consider a drop to light heavyweight.  Not that there’s no market at all for a 214-pound heavyweight, but it is quickly disappearing. 

The boys on the undercard did have a few minor glitches, with some coming in heavy and some laboring under paperwork problems, but as long as "Cyborg" Santos avoided female trouble we have to term this one a complete success.  Don’t forget that we’ll be liveblogging the entire Showtime broadcast, so come back here on Saturday night to get your fill of commentary, live results, and what passes for wit around these parts.  Full weigh-in results are below.

Nick Diaz (169.5) vs. Marius Zaromskis (169)
Cristiane Santos (144.5) vs. Marloes Coenen (143.75)
Bobby Lashley (252.25) vs. Wes Sims (258.25)
Melvin Manhoef (185.75) vs. Robbie Lawler (185.75)
Herschel Walker (214.25) vs. Greg Nagy (210.5)
Jay Hieron (170.25) vs. Joe Riggs (170.5)


Lesnar Camp Releases Propaganda Footage Suggesting That Great Leader Is in Fine Health

(Props: LesnarMMA)

Like those helpful little video clips you sometimes see on Al-Jazeera or North Korean state television, Brock Lesnar‘s YouTube channel just put out some footage of a somewhat-healthy-looking Lesnar getting back into the swing of training, with the added claim that the formerly ailing UFC heavyweight champ is "ready to give Frank Mir another mauling, or to knock out Shane Carwin." Obviously he’s still in recovery mode — his punches and knees are thrown at a fraction of full strength, and this may be the first time we’ve seen him look fatigued in the gym — but at least he’s out of bed and heading in the right direction. Look closely at the 0:34 mark, and you’ll notice Chris Tuchscherer telling one of his campmates about this chick who just broke up with him over text message, that heartless bitch.


At Least Video Game Bobby Lashley Fights Tough Opponents

Bobby Lashley EA Sports MMA video game
(From Monson’s tattoos to the girl in the halter top standing up for no reason, EA Sports has all the details of an MMA event down cold.)

The great thing about pro fighting video games, aside from the opportunity to feel like you have personally knocked out Josh Koscheck, is the ability to make dream match-ups that never happen in real life, such as Muhammad Ali vs. Mike Tyson, Blade vs. a small Asian woman, or Bobby Lashley vs. someone who presents a real challenge.  No offense to Wes Sims, who oddsmakers believe is more likely to win on Jeopardy! than he is to win at Strikeforce: Miami, but when you’re more excited about fighting in a warm climate than you are about your own chances for victory, people tend not to take you seriously.

Aside from showing off some sharp graphics, the shots of Lashley in the forthcoming EA Sports MMA game really make us dwell on what an appropriate opponent Jeff Monson would have been for Lashley.  Obviously Monson has more experience, but the size and strength difference might help even things out, and at the very least we’d find out where Lashley is in his evolution as a fighter.  Instead, we’ll have to content ourselves with finding out how much punishment Sims is really willing to take on a week’s notice. Our guess is, just enough, but no more than is absolutely necessary.

More screen shots of Lashley from the EA Sports game are after the jump, in case you’re interested.


The World According to Nick Diaz

Trying to interview Nick Diaz is a lot like trying to help an elderly person use the self checkout machine at the supermarket.  It’s a test of patience and will, and a part of you knows that you never should have gotten mixed up in this to begin with.  But, if you keep at it, as Ariel Helwani does in this video, you’ll eventually reach the point where all the groceries have been scanned and bagged, even the produce, and your new friend will smile at you around wrinkled eyes and ask, ‘Who do I make the check out to?’  That’s when it all feels…worth it?

Though at times it seems like Diaz would rather be doing anything else than answering Helwani’s questions, we do eventually get some answers that help us further understand his bizarre and often openly contradictory world view.  For example:

– A decision should not be decided by takedowns.  It should be decided by who was winning at the end, and who would have won if the fight would have continued indefinitely.

– A decision should be decided by who looks more "fucked up" afterwards.  Even if you tapped the guy out but got your ass beat, you still got your ass beat.


The Return of CagePotato Comments of the Week!

Some of you have been asking us why we don’t give CagePotato t-shirts away anymore. Others have been asking us why our store site has completely shit the bed. The answers to those questions are 1) Because we’re lazy, and 2) Don’t ask us, we just work here. But it’s been too long since we’ve shouted out our best commenters, and that insult ends…right now. Picking up "Devil Horns" tees this week are…

skeletor on "Get Your Sleeveless T-Shirt Out: The UFC Now Has a Gym": I think you get to train at the gym for something like $20 for the first month, but you have to come in early when no important people are around to see you. If you do well enough they will do like a multi-month contract for about $45 dollars. The more buff you get the more you have to pay, and it can get pretty out of hand. The biggest problem is if you ever leave for another gym or they kick you out for not being able to squat as much as some of the new guys, Dana will publicly berate you. He will then begin to question the the validity of you’re max on the bench, and say you only went to the friendlier less dictator like gym down the street because he didn’t want you at his gym anymore.

If you’re not ready for the UFC gym I would suggest trying out a smaller gym like Strikeforce. They have some good equipment just not nearly as much, but the fees are less, and the owner isn’t such a dick. Also they let you work out at other gyms for as long as you want, even if they take the time to build a whole workout room around your specific needs.

I hope this clears up some of the questions you had. So to sum it all up, it looks like Chuck could use some fiber in his diet.

landOencagement on "Renzo Gracie’s Only Problem Is His Wife Complaining": BJ Penn looks like the baby from Dinosaurs in that clip.
[Ed. note: OMFG.]

If your name has been called, please e-mail with your address and shirt size, and we’ll get a shirt out to you pronto.