Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

January, 2010

Jeff Monson to Struggle For Relevance Against Dave Herman

(‘Look guys, no one’s saying "Some Girls" wasn’t one hell of an album. But if we’re talking about the Stones at their absolute best, there’s no way we can not talk about "Beggars Banquet." Pepper spray me if you want, but I’ll be the guy singing "Factory Girl" all the way to the station.’)

MMA’s hardest working anarchist is showing no signs of slowing down in 2010.  Coming off a split decision victory in Tulsa, Oklahoma on January 16, Jeff Monson‘s next challenge will likely come at Shine Fights 3, where he’ll face pathetic mustache owner Dave "Pee Wee" Herman, according to The Rumble.  Despite a year full of legal troubles ranging from a graffiti-related arrest to assault on a grandfather clock, Monson still managed to fight five times in 2009 in a globetrotting effort that took him to Northern Ireland, Japan, and Mexico City, among other exotic locales, like Pensacola, Florida.

Herman is 3-0 since his only career loss to Mu Bae Choi in a Sengoku event last January.  Despite his impressive record and a little bit of hype after his time in EliteXC and Sengoku, he has yet to face really difficult competition.  Sure, he knocked out MMA old-timers Don Frye and Ron Waterman before smashing Jim York, but none of that proves very much at all these days.  A fight with Monson, who’s known as much for being a terror on the mat as he is for his contradictory tattoos (come on, an anarchy symbol and a hammer and sickle? you gotta chose one failed ideology and stick with it, Jeff), so this may be a good chance for us to find out whether Herman is for real. 

The fight is expected to be added to a card already featuring "Ninja" Rua vs. Falaniko Vitale, though no date or location has been pinned down just yet.  Who knows, maybe it will happen in your hometown.  Or the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.  Either seems equally likely, while only one has a can’t-miss gimmick to it.


Karo Parisyan Shall Return, But He Has No Idea When or Where

Karo Parisyan‘s struggle with prescription pills may have lead to his dismissal from the UFC, possibly for good, but it hasn’t dampened his fiery temperament any. While at an MMA event to corner one of his fighters, “The Heat” spoke with and really didn’t have many nice things to say about his fighter’s performance that night. You can’t blame Parisyan. He told his guy to keep his hands up high but, as Karo puts it, “he fucked up.”

That might seem harsh, but everyone has their own coaching style.  Some guys pick you up after a loss and tell you that everything’s going to be fine.  Karo is not one of those guys.  He comes from the ‘What the hell is your freaking problem?!’ school of thought.

As for his own career, Parisyan says he’ll be back in action somewhere, some time, though he appears to have no idea how that might actually happen. He’s still got enough name value that some promotion is going to be willing to take a chance on him. Hopefully he’s kicked the pill addiction and can make a real go of it. Otherwise we might be seeing Parisyan on a future episode of “Intervention,” sitting in a hotel room next to Manny Gamburyan as he explains the various ways in which his cousin’s addiction has affected him.


Yes, There Is a Way to Watch Jay Hieron vs. Joe Riggs Live

(Randy might want to ask for a DNA test before he puts this one through college.)

Apparently we aren’t the only ones who think it’s a damn shame that the welterweight scrap between Jay Hieron and Joe Riggs is being pushed to the untelevised undercard of Strikeforce: Miami.  The powers that be may not like the fight enough to push Herschel Walker-Greg Nagy or Bobby Lashley-Wes Sims off the Showtime broadcast, but they have arranged to air it live on the official EA Sports website at 9:05 pm EST on Saturday night, reports

You have to admit, it’s an arrangement that works well for everyone.  EA Sports gets another chance to hype their forthcoming MMA video game, and Strikeforce can give a nod to the vets on this card without having to bump the less experienced but more famous fighters from the televised proceedings.  As long as the end result is the chance to see one more quality fight for free on Saturday night, we certainly aren’t complaining.


The Most Insanely Awesome Fedor T-Shirt That You May Never Actually Receive

Fedor t-shirt
(Train hard and be ready, because you never know when you might have to choke out a dragon.)

A while back Cage Potato reader Eric Stone sent us an email to alert us to a Fedor Emelianenko t-shirt that was so crazy and so unbelievably cool, we at first assumed that we were the victims of an elaborate ruse.  It just didn’t seem possible that this t-shirt, ostensibly promoting Fedor’s training camp in Stary Oskol, Russia, was a real thing in the world.  I mean, just look at it.  It features a drawing of someone (we think it’s supposed to be Fedor, but who knows for sure?) putting a very fearsome dragon to sleep with a rear naked choke.  The drawing looks like something you might find sketched on a talented seventh-grader’s math notebook, and it includes an exhortation to "Train Hard, Be Ready!"

When we confirmed that this t-shirt really is for sale at the Red Devil Fight Team’s official online store, we were all set to pony up the $44.15 to buy one.  Then we read the one and only review of the shirt, which reads: "When will i get my t-shirt? You stole my money!!!!!"

That’s when it all started to make sense.


Herschel Walker Says He’s Fighting to Prove a Point to All the Kids Out There

(Props: Fight Magazine)

Ever since former NFL player and Dissociative Identity Disorder sufferer Herschel Walker announced his intention to become an MMA fighter, the question that still follows him is, why? Why does a guy who’s 47 years old want to start a whole new career in a sport where hungry young bucks will be lining up to make a name for themselves by thumping on his skull? Most of the time in MMA, the answer to this question lies somewhere in the intersection of a desperate financial situation and a longing for attention. But Walker says he’s motivated by neither. He just wants to show everyone that with a lot of hard work, you can do anything.

In this case, ‘anything’ includes beating a 1-1 fighter who oddsmakers have pegged as a +250 underdog. Even Greg Nagy’s trainer isn’t so hot on his chances to beat Walker, who is, by all accounts, a very athletic, extremely hard-working gym rat. This raises the question, what will it really prove for Walker to win this fight? Is beating a handpicked opponent everyone expects him to dominate really going to prove that anything is possible?

Grizzled old-timer Don Frye says letting guys like Walker jump into the sport like this keeps people from taking MMA seriously, whereas Walker will tell you that it’s an inspirational story for all the kids out there.  The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.  It’s nice to see a man chasing his dream at an age when most guys have taken to wearing fanny packs and calling the cops to complain about suspicious-looking teenagers, but it’s also not going to shock the world if Walker beats someone who was more or less brought in to lose.


Introducing the Cage Potato MMA FightPicker Game (Beta Version)!

(‘You really picked me to get knocked out in the first round? Aw, who am I kidding? I can’t stay mad at you. Come give poppa some sugar.’)

Here at Cage Potato, we know that much of the pleasure fans like us derive from MMA stems from the often misguided belief that we know more about it than your average jerk on the street.  We even like to think that we know more about it than your average jerk on an internet forum.  The trouble is, how do you prove this beyond all doubt?  How do you rub your superior intellect in other people’s pathetic faces?  After a lot of soul-searching and sleepless nights, we came up with an answer.  Today we unveil that answer to you, our treasured readers.

We’ve been developing a one-of-a-kind MMA prediction game called MMA FightPicker, and we’re almost ready to unleash it on the world. The official launch date is next Monday, and the game is currently in the beta testing phase, which means we need you to play around with it and tell us what works and what doesn’t. Here’s what to do:

- Go to and sign in with your CagePotato user info or your Facebook login. [Note: if you have trouble gaining access at first, you may need to log out and then log back in with your CP user info.  Also try clearing your old cookies.]

- You’ll start with 20 "PotatoChips" (our virtual currency), which you can use to wager on the upcoming weekend’s big fights. Click on one of the open pools to start making your fight predictions. Heads up: Different pools have different buy-in fees and payout amounts for the winners; if not enough players join the pool in time, your chips will be refunded.


Get Your Sleeveless T-Shirt Out: The UFC Now Has a Gym

(Photo courtesy of

Good news for those of you who are dissatisfied with your gym’s lack of fighting surfaces and giant truck tires.  As first promised last year around this time, the UFC opened its first gym in Concord, California with 150 more to come in the next five years.  It’s the gym that aspires to be all things to all people.  Naturally, there are punching bags and grappling mats galore, with classes available to members of all ages.  There’s also the normal gym stuff, like free weights, machines, and treadmills where you can get your jog on in between a guy talking on his cell phone and a middle-aged mom walking very slowly while reading Self Magazine. 

For my money though, the highlight of the UFC gym is The Arm Bar.  If you’re the type who loves to linger way too long over a protein-infused smoothie, and you’re also the type who appreciates a fairly lazy play on words, this is the place for you.  A couple more pictures are after the jump.  And yeah, Dana White has seen to it that the walls of his gym reflect his personality.


Goran Reljic Is Coming Back

When last we saw Goran Reljic he was knocking out Wilson Gouveia in his UFC debut to keep his undefeated record intact.  He seemed headed for great things, but then a back injury forced him out of a fight with Thales Leites and he had to keep himself busy by heroically saving unfortunate travelers from the perilous Adriatic Sea.  But after an almost two-year layoff and a little back surgery, he returns at UFC 110 to take on C.B. Dollaway.  Fortunately our friends at Raw Vegas are around to follow Reljic through his training at Xtreme Couture, giving us a glimpse of what happens in the weeks leading up to fight night.  Does it include a lot of sledge hammer and medicine ball work?  But of course.

After the jump, get reacquainted with Reljic’s work in the fight that Gouveia says got a little too personal backstage.


Jim Rome’s Problem with Brock Lesnar Is His Lack of Humility?

The mere fact that he name checks Roy Nelson in this video is enough to support our suspicion that Jim Rome is an MMA fan, but a Brock Lesnar fan he certainly is not. Of all the possible reasons why that might be the case, Rome’s current issue with Lesnar seems to be that he was not sufficiently humbled by his brush with diverticulosis. It really seems to bug Rome that Lesnar could come so close to seeing his career ended and still come back firing pro wrestling-style one-liners at potential opponents. As if this isn’t the Lesnar we’ve all come to know and, if not love, then at least live with. As if a little hole in his stomach would be enough to turn him into Mr. Congeniality.

This is the same Lesnar who described his recovery as a miracle brought about by the power of his own mind. The antibiotics and dietary changes probably helped too, but that doesn’t sound as cool.


Video: Fedor Emelianenko vs. Six Koreans Is Not Even the Strangest Fight He’s Ever Had

(Props: MMA Scraps)

The bad news is that we have no idea what’s being said thoughout this video.  The good news is that it probably doesn’t matter.  As part of mankind’s ongoing quest to be constantly entertained, some genius apparently decided that we might as well put Fedor Emelianenko in a ring with six silly Korean guys, because hell, we’ve tried absolutely everything else by now.  The weird thing is, Fedor seems to be genuinely enjoying himself.  Look at that smile on his face.  This has got to be way more fun than when he fought Zuluzinho, and not nearly as bizarre, either.

Part two, just in case your Sunday really is that tedious, is after the jump.