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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

February, 2010

Hopefully This Is the Most Annoying ‘UFC Undisputed’ Video You’ll Ever See


(Props: MMA Scraps)

So we’re sending this guy to interview Dana White, but the guy isn’t really very likable or well-dressed or even remotely photogenic. What should we do? I know, let’s have him wear sunglasses inside and act like a total jerk. That will solve all out problems!

This, we can only assume, was the thought process behind this interview with Dana White to discuss the UFC’s “Undisputed 2010” video game. The result is predictably cloying, and all we really learn is that 2010 is better than its predecessor, which is a) sort of expected, and b) what DW would say even if it weren’t. Then, because this whole thing was apparently plotted by junior high students who only know one way to end a skit, it culminates in an act of fake violence. And what’s most disappointing?  Not one mention of the inclusion of Kimbo Slice haymakers.  What a missed opportunity.

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Better Know a Fighter: Takayo Hashi

Takayo Hashi MMA Strikeforce
(Hashi celebrates after choking out Chisa Yonezawa last April. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Now that Strikeforce has gotten their heads out of their asses and made the 135-pound title fight between Sarah Kaufman and Takayo Hashi the headlining match at this Friday’s Challengers show, it’s time to ask ourselves: Wait, who’s Takayo Hashi again? Well, according to the Unified Women’s Mixed Martial Arts Rankings, she’s the #2-ranked 135-pounder in the world, directly behind Kaufman. The 32-year-old Wajyutsu Keisyukai product holds a record of 12-1 (eight wins by decision, four by submission, none by KO/TKO), competing primarily in Japan’s now-defunct Smackgirl promotion. Her only loss came against Hitomi "Girlfight Monster" Akano in August 2005, and Hashi won a rematch two years later.

Hashi is primarily known as a grappler, and is backed by some impressive credentials. She placed third in her weight class at the 2007 ADCC’s, and picked up the title of "Grappling Queen" in Smackgirl’s open-weight division. In a recent interview, Hashi had some strong words for her opponent:

"I am fully aware that she is very strong and dangerous. She is aggressive and she doesn’t back pedal, and strikes hard. She has got a stamina too, so I think she is a very tough fighter. As you can see from her professional record, she is a tough fighter to beat, but that also became my motivation because I am always looking forward to face a strong fighter. I imagine, overall, it’s going to be a striking battle. If she has got a pride in her striking ability then I would like to crush that pride by striking against her. If this fight hits the ground, then I will show my pride in the ground game. In all aspect of this fight, I will not back off. So, for sure, this is going to be an extremely tough fight. Just as like my other fights, my approach is to break my opponent’s heart."

Videos of three of Takayo’s fights are after the jump…

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Quinton Jackson vs. Rashad Evans Official for UFC 114

Quinton Rampage Jackson twitter UFC 114

Rashad Evans twitter UFC 114
(Images courtesy of twitter.com/Rampage4real and twitter.com/SugaRashadEvans.)

The long-rumored UFC 114 headlining matchup between Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Rashad Evans is a go, according to updates posted last night on the fighters’ Twitter pages. It will be the first fight in over 14 months for Rampage, who went AWOL following his decision victory over Keith Jardine last March in order to film The A-Team. (UFC 114 goes down just two weeks before the film’s release date. That’s called "synergy," brah.) Evans most recently won a decision over Thiago Silva in January

We’re confident that Jackson and Evans can re-build the heat of this matchup back up to TUF 10 levels. But Rampage fans may have reason to worry. According to a recent mailbag column by Yahoo!’s Kevin Iole: "[Jackson] isn’t close to being in shape now, though his Muay Thai coach, Dave Jackson, insists he’s already working hard. But I saw him in Australia and he looked plenty plump to me. I was also surprised to see him smoking a cigarette."

Well, if it can happen to Gerard Butler, it can happen to anyone. Let’s hope Rampage spends these next three months wisely. UFC 114′s tentative lineup is after the jump…

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Frank Mir Gets a Stern Talking To, Apologizes to Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir UFC
(‘And that stuff about your mother? Man, I downloaded those jokes off the internet. I’ve never even seen a picture of your mom, but I’m sure she’s a really nice lady who totally doesn’t have sex for money. At least not, you know, in a direct exchange.’

In case you haven’t heard, Frank Mir got himself into hot water recently when he went slightly out of his mind and said that he would like to kill Brock Lesnar in the Octagon. That might not sound like a big deal at first, but the problem is that he didn’t say it in the ‘Dude, you’re totally dead’ kind of way that B.J. Penn did. He said it in the extremely detailed and very literal way, as in, “I want to break [Lesnar’s] neck in the ring. I want him to be the first person that dies to Octagon-related injuries."

Yeah, you can see why that might be a problem for the organization trying to get regulated as a legitimate, non-lethal sport. Today the UFC issued a statement on its website that included a quote from Dana White, who said he was “disappointed” with Mir’s comments, adding:

“He’s been talked to, he regrets what he said, and he won’t be saying anything like that again.”

Naturally, Mir himself also had to make nice:

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Jose Canseco Explains Why We Have Wars


(Give Cofield credit, he isn’t afraid to just put it out there and say, ‘Why are you doing this?’ in the tone of a man trying to talk some sense into his alcoholic cousin.)

Sometimes I wonder if Jose Canseco is one of the dumbest former pro athletes out there, or if he is so brilliant that he merely seems dumb to those of us who can’t fully grasp the depth of his wisdom. Listening to the guy explain why we have wars and how those wars are just the large scale version of the petty criticism we perpetrate against one another on a daily basis, I could feel my mind slowing being blown into millions of tiny pieces. Then he said that Herschel Walker’s insistence on not fighting him was a “negotiating ploy,” and I was forced to completely disregard my theory of Canseco as an unappreciated genius.

You see, unlike Canseco, Walker is not desperate for cash and attention. The guy donated his Strikeforce payday to a church. Typically, guys who are fighting for charity do not engage in negotiating ploys to drive their price tag up. If they wanted their charity to have more money, they’d just give it to them personally. If they didn’t have that kind of money to give, they probably wouldn’t be fighting for charity.

Is any of this getting through, Jose? Are you even still reading? You became distracted by a dog with a puffy tail midway through the first paragraph, didn’t you? You know what, just forget it. You keep after Herschel Walker. After all, you’ve been doing this longer than him.

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The UFC Will Now Overcharge Fans in Movie Theaters As Well

UFC 111 poster St. Pierre Mir Hardy Carwin

From an announcement posted this morning on UFC.com:

For the first time in UFC® history, UFC fans can head to their local movie theater and take in all the action in the Octagon™, live and broadcast in high definition on the big screen starting with UFC 111: St-Pierre vs. Hardy on Saturday, March 27…
 
Dana White, UFC President, today announced the UFC has closed a deal with NCM Fathom to present a series of live UFC fights in more than 300 select movie theaters nationwide, as well as plans to have UFC fighters host screenings in various markets. Tickets are available to this special in-theater event at www.FathomEvents.com and presenting theater box offices. For a complete list of theater locations and prices, please visit the web site (theaters and participants are subject to change).
 
“This is an opportunity to provide our fans with another cool way to watch UFC programming on the big-screen, live, in high-def and in surround sound,” said White. “UFC 111 has a stacked undercard and St-Pierre vs. Hardy and Mir vs. Carwin are both title fights, so this is the perfect event to kick off our new deal with NCM Fathom.”
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‘Wrong Side of Town’ DVD Caption Contest: The Finalists

Kimbo Slice midget fist pose

While we appreciate everybody who entered our latest caption contest, the sad fact is that you can’t all be winners. In fact, we can say right now that all but nine of you are definitely losers. After slogging through over 250 entries, we’ve selected some finalists, which you can read below. Please vote for your favorite in the poll on the right; the top five vote-getters will all score Wrong Side of Town DVDs. So without further ado…

Randle McMurphy: Kimbo and Jared Shaw reminisce about the good old days.

Vlad: Say what you will, but at least he’s a more credible opponent than the guys Bobby Lashley’s fighting.

Duncdaddyfunk: Kimbo lures in his prey with a photo op before dunking his tiny hands in gold and making fist necklaces out of them.

CheckHisPee: "Yo little man, do you pooh regular or do pellets be droppin?"

ddbissel: I dont like Kimbo being this close to the ground.

Contraband: Kimbo takes time out of his training for a quick pic with Shonie Carter’s son.

drunkenmime: Miami’s toughest street fighter poses for a picture with Kimbo slice.

PurplePickle: Choking back tears of joy as the camera flashed, Curtis Sample was ready to let everybody on Facebook know exactly how he rolled.

steampunk22: Don’t FUCK with the Lollipop Guild.

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Cro Cop Says He Was Taking It Easy on Anthony Perosh


(He will hurt you, but only as much as is absolutely necessary.)

Those of us who were a little concerned with Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic’s apparent inability to put away Anthony Perosh at UFC 110 should just calm down a second, says the former Pride great. According to Cro Cop, the reason he didn’t put away a bloodied and battered Perosh was because he “couldn’t do that to him when he was so bloody.” This claims prompts the inevitable question, you getting soft on us, Mirko?

It’s hard to say just yet, but it seems as though Filipovic will cut you some slack if you take a fight out of your weight class on short notice:

“I admire Perosh for accepting the fight. There were much better fighters there who turned it down but I understand why; they did not have time to prepare. [But] I am very sorry that I had to hurt Perosh. I tried to fight with as much consideration for him as I could. I even avoided the ground because I am 7, 8 kilos heavier than he is.”
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The Potato Index: UFC 110 Aftermath


(The UFC’s bloody Sunday, courtesy of MMA-Core.)

We know, the Index is a little late this week. We could say it has something to do with UFC 110 taking place in Australia, maybe make up some transparent lie about it taking longer to crunch the numbers when the fights happen in the Southern Hemisphere. But you’d never believe that…or would you?

Cain Velasquez +167
Even if Big Nog may be on the decline, beating him still means something. Finishing him means even more, and doing it in the first round, via brutal KO, means you just might be the next big thing. Suddenly the UFC’s heavyweight class has more viable challengers than they know what to do with. Talk about a good problem to have.

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira -101
Seeing Nogueira get knocked out cold is a little like seeing a unicorn die of a heart attack. You never thought you’d ever live to see it, and afterwards you kind of wish you never had.

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Hippowatch: Anthony Perosh Scores Four-Fight Deal With the UFC

Anthony Perosh Mirko Cro Cop Filipovic
("Hmm. This is not how things went down during my positive visualization sessions." Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

After being soundly thrashed by Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic on two days’ notice at UFC 110, Anthony "The Hippo" Perosh has been signed to a four-fight deal by the UFC, according to a report on InfiniteMMA. Perosh sports a career record of 10-6, a UFC record of 0-3 (including losses to Jeff Monson and Christian Wellisch in 2006) and victories over a bunch of random Australians. On paper, he has absolutely no chance of making an impact in the UFC’s light-heavyweight division, and the UFC’s next Australian event won’t be until next year at the earliest. But it just goes to show you that dreams do come true when you ignore your natural instinct for self-preservation and take guaranteed losses against larger MMA legends who have gone through actual training camps. Kudos, Anthony.

We’re still waiting to hear if anybody got un-signed after UFC 110. As predicted, Keith Jardine and Stephan Bonnar are in danger after taking their third-straight losses, but Dana White’s affection for the Dean and the Psycho could potentially save their jobs. Igor Pokrajac is toast, though, no question. Stay tuned…

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