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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

March, 2010

Brock Lesnar Is Amused by This Silly “Make-Believe” Belt That Carwin and Mir Want So Much


(He’s not here to make friends, people.)

Following up on appearances by Georges St. Pierre and Frank Mir, SportsCenter also spoke with UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar to get his thoughts on the Carwin-Mir interim title fight at UFC 111 this weekend. MMAFighting.com passes along some quotes from his appearance and, I know this is going to sound weird, but he was actually kind of a jerk about a few things.

On Saturday night’s fight:
"That was a business decision that the UFC had to make. Really, that belt is a make-believe belt to satisfy the company and to satisfy the people in the heavyweight division. I’m still the heavyweight champion."

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UFC 111 FightPicker Head-to-Head: BG vs. BF vs. Big Country


(This is either the line-up for a great game of MMA Fightpicker, or the worst folk music trio in history.)

It’s one thing for us to beat up on one another with our weekly MMA FightPicker game, but do we have what it takes to out-prognosticate an actual UFC fighter? To help us find out, “Ultimate Fighter” winner Roy “Big Country” Nelson, who will be taking on Stefan Struve at UFC Fight Night 21 next Wednesday, has graciously agreed to throw his hat into the virtual Octagon this week and go head-to-head with us on UFC 111 picks. For that we are indebted to him, and so we remind you to check out his official site as well as his Tapout signature t-shirt, and we also thank Superaction, Spike TV, and MMA Glory Talent.

Remember, this week’s FightPicker has changed some with the removal of Thiago Alves and the reshuffling of Ben Saunders, so don’t forget to adjust your picks accordingly before tonight’s 11:59 PM PST deadline. Now…it’s decision time.

St. Pierre vs. Hardy at UFC 111: Who will win?
BG: Georges St. Pierre. You’d have to be a grown retard to think otherwise.
BF: Seeing as how I am not a grown retard, I can’t disagree. Hardy has a tough night ahead of him.
RN: St. Pierre – He has shown himself to be more well-rounded, but Hardy does have the puncher’s chance.

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Heads-Up: Tate, Galvao, and ‘Big’ Johnson Fighting at ‘Strikeforce Challengers’ Tonight

Lolohea Mahe Strikeforce Challengers MMA tattoos
(Lolohea Mahe’s body is eerily similar to what my legal pad looks like during boring conference calls. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin/Strikeforce.)

As a light appetizer to tomorrow’s big show, Strikeforce is having its latest Challengers event tonight at the Save Mart Center in Fresno, California. The main card will be broadcast on Showtime starting at 11:45 p.m. ET/PT. If you don’t subscribe to Showtime, you’re in luck — the network will be available for free this weekend in 54.4 million households as part of their All Access Free Preview Weekend.

So why is tonight’s event worth DVR’ing? Well, you’ve got Hottest Women in MMA honoree Miesha Tate (8-2) taking on undefeated prospect (and former Fresno City College soccer player) Zoila Frausto (5-0) in a 135-pound contest. Jiu-jitsu phenom Andre Galvao (3-1) will try to rebound from his first MMA loss — a split-decision against Jason High at the DREAM Welterweight Grand Prix semi-finals — against Strikeforce veteran Luke Stweart (6-2). And in the main event, Fresno native Lavar Johnson (11-3) will take on Hawaiian heavyweight Lolohea Mahe (3-0-1). It will be Johnson’s first cage-appearance since his 18-second knockout of Carl Seumanutafa last May. In July, Johnson was shot in the abdomen by an unidentified gunman while attending a family barbecue. Four other people were shot during the incident, with one of them dying at the scene. Expect a hero’s welcome from the hometown crowd tonight.

The full lineup and weigh-in results are after the jump. No, not all fighters made their contracted weights, but they all tried, which I think is totally admirable.

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Tokyo Five Caption Contest: The Winners!

Brandon Vera Joe Rogan UFC Jon Jones
(Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com)

This week’s caption contest brought in over 350 entries — and yet none of them were references to Dr. Manhattan. Crazy. After considering all of your brilliant work, we’ve chosen three winners who will score Five Principles t-shirts from Tokyo Five. But first, some honorable mentions:

Desimus: Here you can see Rogan and Vera playing a game of "Guess where bits of my face will end up!"

Smitty: Yes, to the gentleman in the back…..I wear the speedo to show why I talk like a black man.

Ring_Rust619: "Hey honey, this is how many fights I have left till we have to rely on you winning fights to pay the mortgage"

Phil Bologna: "Strikeforce is that way!!!"

therussianglamourpuss: Brandon Vera and Joe Rogan point to their modesty and objectivity, both of which remained a good distance away.
therussianglamourpuss: Brandon Vera would rather go naked than wear Tapout.
[Ed. note: Great first effort, glamourpuss. Welcome aboard.]

ArmFarmer: I’m not reading 6 pages of this bullshit. I’m just going to assume that like the first page there is about 2 funny comments per page, the rest are unfunny to the point that they are painful to read, and 80% of them have something to do with an auction or a clock.

And now, your grand-prize winners:

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Maybe Jake Ellenberger Should Have Gotten the Bright Idea to Ask For the Fitch Fight


(Jake Ellenberger, seen here working for his money like a sucker.)

Those among us who aren’t pro fighters might think that Jake Ellenberger got a pretty sweet deal today. Because Ben Saunders volunteered to step in for Thiago Alves against Jon Fitch on late notice, Ellenberger now doesn’t have to do any work on Saturday night, and yet he still gets paid as if he had fought and won. Seems like a clear-cut ‘Nice, Playa‘ situation if we ever saw one.

But according to what he told Cagewriter, Ellenberger is still a little bummed about training for weeks just to end up a spectator in Newark this weekend:

"I was disappointed. Ben Saunders asked for the fight, Dana liked that, so our fight took a backseat. …It took me by complete surprise."
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Video: Georges St. Pierre and Frank Mir Talk UFC 111 on SportsCenter


(Video courtesy of ESPN.com)

You want to know how focused Georges St. Pierre is for his fight with Dan Hardy at UFC 111? Not only is he not even considering the possibility of a life that continues beyond this Saturday night, he hasn’t even bothered to pay attention to the passage of time.  He still thinks it’s January.  God knows what year he might believe we’re living in.  Doesn’t matter.  He’s only thinking about finishing Hardy and making it a "clean" victory.  Whether they’re fighting for gasoline and life credits in some futuristic hellscape, or whether they’ve traveled back to a time when Hardy’s post-fight wounds will be treated by a series of magic spells — the point is, GSP doesn’t care.  All he knows is he’s got a job to do on Saturday, playa.  Wouldn’t want to be Hardy right now, sitting around his hotel room and looking at the calendar like some chump.

After the jump, Frank Mir talks about Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin (who ESPN lists as 6’5"), and can’t help but get that old smirk on his face when the death threat comments get brought up.

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UFC Booking Alert: Silva vs. Akiyama, Hamill vs. Jardine

Wanderlei Silva UFC workout MMA
Yoshihiro Akiyama UFC MMA chillaxin

Though it’s been in the works since late last year, a middleweight meeting between Wanderlei Silva (33-10-1, 1 no-contest) and Korean sex-symbol Yoshihiro Akiyama (13-1, 2 no-contests) is finally going to happen at UFC 116 (July 3rd, Las Vegas), according to a new report from Fighters Only. The Axe Murderer has had a rocky road in the Octagon, but he’s 1-0 as a 185-pounder, thanks to his unanimous decision win over Michael Bisping at UFC 110. Akiyama hasn’t competed since his UFC debut at #100, where he scratched out a split-decision win against Alan Belcher. Akiyama hasn’t suffered an official defeat since his second MMA fight back in March 2005, when he was paired up against heavyweight kickboxer Jerome LeBanner and subsequently KTFO’d.

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Dos Santos, Kongo, Guida Lead ‘UFC on Versus’ Payouts

Clay Guida mom UFC
(Careful, Clay. She’s just after the money. / Photo courtesy of the UFC on Versus Afterparty Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)
 
The UFC paid out $913,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses for last Sunday’s UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones show — a hefty total for a free-TV event — with Junior Dos Santos, Cheick Kongo, and Clay Guida cracking the six-figure mark. The numbers are below, courtesy of MMA Junkie. Keep in mind that they don’t include income from sponsorships and undisclosed "locker room bonuses," or deductions for taxes, insurance, licensing fees, and funny hats.

Jon Jones: $90,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus, $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Brandon Vera: $60,000

Junior Dos Santos: $120,000 (includes $35,000 win bonus, $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Gabriel Gonzaga: $67,000

Cheick Kongo: $110,000 (includes $55,000 win bonus)
def. Paul Buentello: $40,000

Alessio Sakara: $42,000 (includes $21,000 win bonus)
def. James Irvin: $20,000

Clay Guida: $100,000 (includes $25,000 win bonus, $50,000 Submission of the Night bonus)
def. Shannon Gugerty: $9,000

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Ben Saunders Will Take on Jon Fitch at UFC 111, May Earn Title Shot with Win


(Ben Saunders: 170 pounds of knees, elbows, and unfortunate facial hair.)

With Thiago Alves out of UFC 111 due to brain irregularities, the UFC has tapped Ben Saunders to take on Jon Fitch just two days before the event. This means that Jake Ellenberger, who was originally scheduled to face Saunders as a replacement for the nauseatingly-wounded Martin Kampmann, is now screwed out of the fight he worked his tail off to prepare for. The upside is, he’s reportedly still getting his show and win money, all for doing nothing more than being cool about the whole thing. Looks like the wings and beers at a Newark-area Hooters are on Ellenberger tonight.

So what does this new match-up mean, aside from more changes to our UFC 111 FightPicker? For Saunders, it means a chance to step up in the ranks with a more high-profile victory. TMZ reports that Dana White has said he’ll give Saunders a title shot if he beats Fitch, which seems like a move that would sure piss off Josh Koscheck and Paul Daley with a quickness. Fitch has less to gain with a win over Saunders than with one over Alves, but at least he can call up his AKA teammate Mike Swick to get some scouting info on the lanky striker.

Kudos to the UFC for making lemonade out of this unfortunate batch of irregular lemons. Guess it helps to have a roster of fighters willing to scramble their plans at the last minute to accommodate your wishes.

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Fitch/Alves to Be Replaced on UFC 111 Main Card with…Pellegrino/Camoes?


(And just like that, the dreaded "May not be broadcast" label is wiped clean.)

UFC.com has reacted quickly to the news of Thiago Alves’s removal from the UFC 111 card, and the way things look now it appears as they’ve decided to bump the fight between Kurt Pellegrino and Fabricio Camoes up from the prelims to fill the hole in the pay-per-view broadcast. If you ask us, Ricardo Almeida/Matt Brown might have been a better choice, or even Nate Diaz/Rory Markham, but once again, no one in the UFC front office asked us. That never fails to sting the old pride, either.

The change means that all you FightPicker players are going to want to update your answers to reflect your feelings on who will win the suddenly more important Pellegrino/Camoes showdown. If you don’t it might just cost you that Apple iPad, and wouldn’t that be a shame?

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