sloths funny photos album covers
Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

March, 2010

‘Strikeforce: Nashville’ TV Spot — Hendo vs. Some Dude

(Props: MMA Payout

Last week, CBS started airing TV spots like this one during the NCAA men’s basketball tournament to promote Strikeforce: Nashville. While it’s good that they’re getting some visibility among sports fans, the ads themselves leave a little to be desired. Let’s break it down:

— Does the ad look like it was filmed in one location in less than a half-hour? Check.

— Is Dan Henderson introduced as "one of the most decorated fighters in MMA history," while Jake Shields is simply introduced as "Jake Shields"? That’s a bingo.

— Are cheesy sound effects added when the fighters are hitting the heavy bag? Indeed.

— Does the swooping edit of Dan Henderson entering the frame at 0:12 make you laugh? LOL, yes.

— Is Dan’s delivery of "I’m comin’ for that belt" strangely passionless? Unfortunately so.

— Are the other two title fights on the card mentioned anywhere? Nah, son.

— Does it end with a Chad Kroeger-esque singer going "yeaaaaaah"? Man, does it ever.

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The Fight That Needs to Happen: Junior Dos Santos Wants Cain Velasquez

Junior Dos Santos Gabriel Gonzaga UFC on Versus
(Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com.)

After his first-round TKO of Gabriel Gonzaga on Sunday, Junior Dos Santos boldly announced that he was ready for a title shot. But there are some timing-related realities he has to deal with: The interim title fight between Frank Mir and Shane Carwin, Brock Lesnar‘s return this summer (hopefully), and Cain Velasquez‘s equally high standing in the heavyweight pecking order. So instead of pleading for a title shot, Dos Santos is angling for the next best thing:

"I don’t know who I’m gonna fight [next]. I’d like to fight against [Cain] Velasquez. He’s a tough guy, but the UFC has other great names too. I just wanna fight against the best and with the best, that’s what I’m waiting from the UFC now. [Velasquez is] a very complete guy. His wrestling is superior than mine, but I think I can surprise him on striking. I’d train a lot of ground game for this fight too, it could make some difference”

Well, we’re already sold. Not only would Dos Santos vs. Velasquez establish a legitimate title contender after the Mir/Carwin winner fights Brock Lesnar, there’s already a "you killed my master" storyline in place, considering that Velasquez is fresh off his drubbing of JDS’s mentor, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Though to hear Dos Santos tell it, payback is not what he’s after:

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Looks Like We Will Get to See Clay Guida’s Fight After All, Plus More Unseen UFC Bouts


(SPOILER ALERT: At some point in the fight Guida comes charging in with his mane of hair flowing wildly about him. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Those of you who were bummed about not seeing your favorite RV-dwelling lightweight on the Versus broadcast of Sunday’s UFC event can now turn those frowns back into smug grimaces, because Spike TV has you covered. The cable network sent out an email this morning to let us all know that on Wednesday night they’ll be showing the Clay Guida-Shannon Gugerty and Brendan Schaub-Chase Gormley bouts from ‘UFC Live,’ as well as two other previously unaired fights (Dennis Siver-Paul Kelly from UFC 105, and Jeremy Stephens-Justin Buchholz from Fight Night 19).

The plan is to air this special episode of “UFC Unleashed” at 9 pm EST as a lead-in to the final installment of “UFC Primetime.” At the risk of lavishing too much praise on the same people who are behind “Blue Mountain State,” we’re going to go ahead and call this move a brilliant one for all parties involved.

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Here Comes Anthony Johnson With a Bucket of Haterade For John Howard’s Victory Party


(Anthony Johnson mugs for the camera, seemingly unaware that he’s about to lose the last member of his entourage to a sausage that has fallen on the ground.)

You didn’t think Anthony Johnson was just going to let his hated rival, John Howard, enjoy a sweet knockout victory at ‘UFC Live’ on Sunday, did you? Naw, playa. The first rule of an MMA rivalry is that you find a way to denigrate any and all of the other guy’s accomplishments. The second rule? See if you can’t find some clever way to mock his nickname. “Rumble” has at least one of those bases covered in a recent talk with FightHype.com, where he managed to make Howard’s brain-rattling knockout of Daniel Roberts seem like a narrow escape:

"Howard ain’t got no stand-up at all. He’s lucky Roberts wasn’t stronger or he probably would have gotten submitted. …Howard is soft; he doesn’t belong in the UFC. I will be glad to show him this if he’s my next opponent. But congratulations on your win. If you fight me like that, you won’t survive. You better work on that stand-up buddy!"
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UFC 111 Video Blog Shows Us What It’s Like to Be on a Plane With Dana White


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Good news: The Danavlog is back, baby. Bad news: It might be the worst one yet. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for a full seven minutes of Dana White busting the balls of Marty Cordova, who forgot his passport on the way to Canada. Seriously, the whole thing takes place in the cabin of their private jet, and that’s all that happens. Luckily, we can hit the pause button as soon as the bullying insult-routine becomes too grating; unfortunately, Dana’s employees can’t hit pause on their own lives. One of these days, Marty or that "Morzo" guy behind him is going to snap and tell Dana to go fuck himself, and Dana is going to be dumbfounded, and Lorenzo Fertitta will be cracking up, and through his laughter Lorenzo will ask Dana if he’s going to take that from an employee, and Dana will take his shock pen and shock Marty (or whoever) to death, and then he and Lorenzo will have to bury the body somewhere, and at that moment Lorenzo will realize that Dana can’t be controlled, even if he’s just a minority owner on paper, and no that’s not a subplot from Goodfellas, that’s a completely original scenario that I just made up, so suck it.

Semi-related: After a brief period of reconciliation, the UFC has indefinitely denied press credentials to Dana’s old rival, Sherdog.com. When asked by Josh Gross to explain the reason for the re-ban, Dana White responded, "none of your [expletive] business." 

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MMA GIF Party: Vera vs. Jones Security Takes a Beating, Part 2

Vera Jones gif walkout funnyVera Jones funny gifs walkout security punch

Yesterday, we posted a GIF of Jon Jones slugging the shit out of an escort during his cage-entrance at Sunday’s UFC on Versus show. Turns out it was a rough night for the security staff overall. As caposa points out, two more non-combatants got assaulted during Brandon Vera‘s entrance, this time by fans. Poor guys. They should get safety goggles. And headgear. And tazers to shock the shit out of those drunk D-bags.

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MMA FightPicker Recap: Win an Apple iPad at UFC 111

The UFC’s first event on Versus was a good night for those of you MMA FightPickers who like to play it safe. Favorites ruled the day and underdogs went down hard, meaning that the crazy riverboat gamblers among you probably took a much-deserved beating. As for our own petty rivalry, it was my (BF) night from start to finish. While BG scored a respectable 250 points, he didn’t come close to my 12 for 12 Perfecta, which earned me 400 points and landed me tied for first in our pool, right alongside some joker named Felix Apslund. Better luck next time, Goldstein. I totally don’t mean that.

As for other big winners, Aaron Rampey maintains his overall lead with 1,969 Potato Chips and 26 pool victories, but Me is on his tail (kind of) with 1,370 Chips and 18 pools won. Rounding out the top five pool winners overall are Ryan Johnson in the third spot, surf_finland in fourth, and herbaliser in fifth.

Ricky Broomstick (God, I hope that’s his real name) and Stephen Waggoner (I don’t care whether that’s his real name) were our two big prize pool winners this weekend, which means they’ll both be getting that sweet $200 prize package from MMA Warehouse.

That’s cool and all, but let’s look toward the future. UFC 111 is this Saturday, and what with it being a big event and all we thought we’d match it with an appropriately big prize. So we went out and got a couple of Apple iPad’s for you chumps. Look at us all cutting edge over here. The question now is, who’s got the stones to come and claim these bad boys in one of our two prize pools?

Check this week’s questions after the jump.

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Kongo vs. Buentello Turned Out to Be a Study in MMA Officiating Issues


(Something about landing a knee to the body of a downed opponent only whets Kongo’s appetite for some shots to the head. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

When it comes to highlighting some of MMA’s officiating gray areas, last night’s Cheick Kongo-Paul Buentello bout at ‘UFC Live’ was a fight that very nearly had it all. From minor infractions like grabbing the fence or hitting the back of the head, to big ones like illegal knees and impromptu injury timeouts, it was a showcase of things that need to change – or at least be clarified – in the MMA rulebook. Let’s take it one issue at a time, shall we?

(If you’d like to follow along and don’t have this bad boy DVR’d, you might try looking here.)

Round 1, 3:37: Buentello gets a little help from the fence

Yeah, it’s minor, but it’s illegal. In attempting to get up from a takedown, Buentello grips the fence and pulls himself up. This earns him a verbal warning from referee Herb Dean, but it serves its purpose. He’s off his butt and en route to standing up. Just goes to show you that sometimes a fence grab will cost you a point, and other times it just gets you admonished by the ref. Same with grabbing the shorts, which also happens several times throughout this fight.

Round 1, 1:48: Buentello has a finger problem

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Caption Contest: Win a ‘Five Principles’ T-Shirt From Tokyo Five!

Bas Rutten Tokyo Five 5 Principles

If you watched that video of Bas Rutten beating up an entire cooking show, you may have thought to yourself, "My, I wish I had that handsome white t-shirt with the devil’s face and strange words at the top." (Come on, at least one of you must have thought that.) The shirt in question is known as the "Five Principles", one of the standout designs from Tokyo Five, an apparel company that specializes in jeans as well as custom tees for MMA fighters like Matt Serra and Gabriel Gonzaga. T5 was cool enough to hook us up with a few of those Five Principles shirts, which we’re going to give away to you, our beloved readers. Well, maybe not give away; you’ll have to work for them. Specifically, you’ll have to come up with hilarious captions to the photo after the jump…

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MMA GIF Party: Jon Jones Assaults an Innocent Bystander, Twirls Epically

Jon Jones gif UFC funny

Props: caposa. More after the jump…

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