(Rogan was right. That DOES look like a goat’s vagina.)

It looks like Mike Pierce won’t be getting the bone he wanted the UFC to throw him for earning his third Octagon appearance last weekend at UFC 118 against Amilcar Alves.

Yesterday Pierce called out Thiago Alves via Twitter and "The Pitbull" accepted the Washington native’s challenge, however the UFC had other plans for the American Top Team fighter who will now face John Howard at UFC 124 in Montreal on December 11.

The news was first reported by MMAJunkie this afternoon and we were able to confirm with a source close to Alves.

The fight may well be Alves’ last stab at remaining at welterweight after he failed to make weight for the second time in his UFC career, this time for an important number two contendership match-up with Jon Fitch at UFC 117 last month that would determine who was next in line for a shot at the winner of the Georges St-Pierre vs. Josh Koscheck bout, which is also slated for the December 11 card.

(Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke. PicProps: MMA Weekly)

You know how it goes in MMA circles: When two guys have beef they settle it with a 15-minute therapy session inside the cage. Next thing you know, problem solved. Hugs and high-fives all around. It’s pretty much the best formula we know of for conflict resolution that doesn’t involve some bullshit like talking or mutual understanding or compromise. Hence, those terrible “Fighting Solves Everything” T-shirts you see around sometimes.

Not so with the ongoing Joe Lauzon vs. Gabe Ruediger kerfuffle, however.

(Karo is looking to reintroduce "The Heat"to UFC fans at UFC 123   Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Exiled UFC welterweight Karo Parisyan is breathing a sigh of relief today now that he has re-signed with the promotion he became famous fighting for.

The news of Parisyan being welcomed back to the UFC was broken today by MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani, who reported that Karo will take on Dennis Hallman at UFC 123 in Auburn Hills, Mich.

We spoke to Karo this afternoon and he says he’s going to make the best of this second chance with the UFC.

"I thank God that I’m getting another opportunity. I talked to Dana a couple times and we went back and forth on a couple things. Basically he said they’d give me another shot. He texted me and said, ‘I’ll give you another shot. Just don’t screw me,’ and I said, ‘No problem."

(That’s actually ketchup on James’s head. Randy tackled him so quickly that he didn’t even have time to put down the hot dog he was eating. / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com)

The UFC paid out $1,608,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses to the fighters who competed at UFC 118, according to figures released by the Massachusetts State Athletic Commission. James Toney‘s whopping $500,000 salary led the payroll, putting him well ahead of fellow headliners Randy Couture ($250,000) and BJ Penn ($150,000). For you math aficionados out there, Toney earned over $2,500 per second in his UFC debut, which ended due to submission at the 3:19 mark of round 1. (Now calculate how much money you make per second at your job. Isn’t that hilarious?)

Keep in mind that the figures below don’t include additional compensation from sponsorships, undisclosed "locker room" bonuses, or cuts of the pay-per-view revenue that some UFC stars have in their contracts, which means that Randy Couture could have theoretically ended up with a bigger paycheck than James Toney. You know, if that helps you sleep at night.

Frankie Edgar: $96,000 (includes $48,000 win bonus)
def. B.J. Penn: $150,000

Randy Couture: $250,000
def. James Toney: $500,000

Demian Maia: $68,000
def. Mario Miranda: $8,000

Gray Maynard: $46,000 (includes $23,000 win bonus)
def. Kenny Florian: $65,000

(VidProps: YouTube/FightHubtv)

Somewhere at his house, Erik Paulson has a piece of paper with his prediction for Brock Lesnar’s UFC 116 fight with Shane Carwin written on it: “Brock Will Win Round 2/3 via Shoulder Triangle Choke.” At least that’s what the mixed martial arts O.G. claims in the above video with FightHubTV.com. And sure, we have no idea if that piece of paper really exists or when exactly Paulson scribbled down his stunningly accurate premonition of Lesnar’s victory, but just one look at the 44-year-old former Shooto champion’s weathered face in this vid and you get the impression this is a dude who knows how to prognosticate the outcome of a cage fight.

In fact, given Paulson’s long and storied history in MMA and martial arts in general, it’s sad in a way that he’s now introduced simply as “one of Brock Lesnar’s trainers.” Paulson after all was blazing a trail in the fight game back when Lesnar was still terrifying sophomore chicks at Webster High in South Dakota. Maybe it’s that extensive experience – or maybe I’m reading too much into this – but Paulson seems (at about the 5:20 mark) just a bit contemptuous of some of the things that are going on out at Lesnar’s private DeathClutch training center in Minnesota.

 
(Belcher’s recovery from adetached retina isn’t going well, according to his wife.)

UFC middleweight Alan Belcher underwent a second surgery on his right eye Wednesday to repair a detached retina he thinks he suffered in training, and according to his wife, Ashlee, who sent out a few Twitter updates on "The Talent’s" day under the knife, his vision still isn’t where it should be.

Ashlee said that the next few weeks of healing are crucial in the prognosis of the injury.

As promised, we’re giving you another opportunity to win a copy of the MMA flick Beatdown, out now on DVD and Blu-Ray. The rules are simple: Check out the photo after the jump of Rich Franklin and his buddies, and post a clever caption in the comments section below by tonight at midnight PT. We’ll announce our four favorites tomorrow, and you’ll bitch about how you thought yours was funnier. Now let’s get it…

(What, me worry? / Photo courtesy of Darrell Stein)

Having signed with the promotion with only two MMA bouts under his belt, it’s clear that Cain Velasquez’s route to the UFC wasn’t as arduous as the paths most fighters take to make it to the big show, but considering he is still undefeated in the Octagon and is set to fight for their heavyweight title, it’s obvious that Zuffa’s gamble paid off.

In a recent interview with GracieMag, Velasquez, who will take on UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar at UFC 121 October 23 in Anaheim, Calif.  says that his "tryout" for the UFC wasn’t much more than an impromptu training session in Vegas set up by his manager, Bob Cook, who called Dana White and asked him to check out his star pupil.

According to Velasqez, the UFC president was so impressed with what he saw, he signed him without watching a single one of his fights.

 
(Who the hell is this guy? I thought you said Mark Hunt was coming here.)

Former PRIDE and K-1 star Mark Hunt is taking his last kick at the can of his mixed martial arts career seriously as evidenced by the photo above. Not only has he transformed his body from its rotund former self, he has also joined American Top Team, where he will spend the last month of his training camp preparing for his September 25 UFC debut opposite former fellow super heavyweight, Sean McCorkle at UFC 119 in Indianapolis.

Hunt’s critics have always pointed to his lack of conditioning and the fact that he didn’t train with a top-tier team in his native New Zealand as the reasons why he never got past his role as gatekeeper in PRIDE. Even fights that Hunt was winning, he always seemed to find a way to lose, usually as a result of his lack of cardio or his lack of a ground game.

(Some fan-made video hype from SandmanMMAPromotions)

MMAFighting has confirmed that the previously reported bout between former UFC light-heavyweight champions Quinton Jackson and Lyoto Machida will headline November 20th’s UFC 123 card, which will take place at the Palace of Auburn Hills in Auburn Hills, Michigan. It will be the UFC’s first event in the Great Lakes State since the spectacularly bad UFC 9, which was marked by an official ban on head-punches and a 30-minute Superfight Championship between Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn, in which both future Hall of Famers refused to engage, circling each other for the majority of the bout. That ill-fated event was held at Detroit’s Cobo Hall; now that Detroit has returned to wilderness, the UFC will instead head north to the suburb of Auburn Hills and the longtime home stadium of the Detroit Pistons.

At this point, the only other match reported for the event is a welterweight scrap between Matt Brown and Rory MacDonald. Brown is coming off consecutive submission losses against Ricardo Almeida and Chris Lytle, while MacDonald most recently succumbed to a TKO with just seven seconds remaining of his UFC 115 fight against Carlos Condit. You could say it’s one of those "must win" fights for both sides. And yet one of them will inevitably lose. Doesn’t seem fair, does it.

UFC Boston – Ariel Helwani Interview – Watch more Funny Videos

At this point, MMA interviewer/analyst Ariel Helwani is more famous than a lot of the people he interviews. If you’ve ever spotted him at an MMA event, you know that he can’t get ten feet without being swarmed by another group of fans, who follow his work intently at MMAFighting.com and Versus. Keep in mind that Ariel Helwani is not a fighter. He’s just a dude who started with a dream and went on to become the most well-known interviewer in our sport. To put it simply, he’s come a long way since Andrei Arlovski’s pee-pee-pee. 

So here’s something special for all the Helwannabes in the house: Ariel stopped by the CagePotato.com booth at the UFC Fan Expo on Saturday and spent some time on the other side of the microphone. Watch the video above to learn about Ariel’s journey from sports fan to "liver of the dream," his love of Howard Cosell, and of course, why he thinks we’re so awesome. Many thanks to Ariel for giving us his time and, at least for one moment, lending the CagePotato.com carnival booth some measure of legitimacy.

Note: Keep your eyes peeled around 2:41 and 2:56 to watch some amazing background work from ReX13. Yep. That’s what I had to deal with all weekend.

(How much are you paying me for this video again and what’s fetish porn?)

Well it looks like Ken Shamrock is determined to free himself from the $175,000 financial debt he owes the UFC and WEC parent company, Zuffa LLC.

According to MMAFighting, the 46-year-old UFC Hall-of-Famer, who unsuccessfully tried to sue the UFC earlier this year and now must pay the company’s $175,000 in lawyers fees will take on Johnathan Ivey under the USA MMA banner October 16 in Lafayette, Louisiana.

Perhaps Shamrock (27-14-2), who only has one win in the past five years, is thinking statistics will be on his side for this one.

Ivey is 29-42 in 71 outings and has lost to every UFC and PRIDE fighter he has ever faced including Dan Severn, Jeremy Horn, Travis Wiuff, Ben Rothwell,  Sam Hoger, Jake O’Brien, Ricco Rodriguez, and most recently, Sean McCorkle.

(VidProps: BJPenn.com, "The, uh, Home of MMA")

Fear not, those of you who thought you sniffed a subtle hint of finality in BJ Penn’s initial melancholy video statement after his UFC 118 loss to Frankie Edgar. “The Prodigy” says he ain’t done. Sure, it sounded bad when Penn started “thanking the fans for their support over the years” in that first vid – and the depressing elevator music didn’t help, either – but according to Penn’s latest melancholy video statement he wants another fight ASAP and plans on “jumping back in the gym” as early as tomorrow. Or, is it today? Beats me. What time is it in Hawaii, anyway?

“I’ve just been hanging out these last couple of days,” Penn says here. “But I’m going to stick to what I said about being as active as I can … Let me try to contact the UFC (to) get a fight as soon as possible. Luckily, I didn’t get any injuries (against Edgar) … I can still build off my last camp. I didn’t go out, I didn’t party or anything (Ed. Note: I should hope not). So, that’s it. I’m going to jump in the gym tomorrow and go full blast, back training again.”

So that sounds encouraging. Make no mistake though, these are dark times in Hilo.

(You smell that? That’s tire grease, son!!)

In an interesting development, Strikeforce is lending out onetime heavyweight contender Brett Rogers to compete on Warrior One MMA’s upcoming October 23 “New Ground” card in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

W-1 announced the card on its website yesterday.

The news is good for the fast-rising Canadian promotion, but is somewhat baffling, considering that Strikeforce’s heavyweight division is in a bit of disarray at the moment and the extra body might be needed before year’s end.

UFC Boston – Bruce Buffer – Watch more Funny Videos

In one of my absolute favorite moments from our trip to the UFC Fan Expo in Boston, I had the opportunity to interview beloved UFC announcer Bruce Buffer, who was at the expo in part to promote his new Round 5 collectible figure. (Come on. You know you want that thing in your cubicle.) After giving us the scoop on "Mini B" and Round 5′s Versus set, Bruce shares his favorite name to announce in the Octagon, how he keeps his voice in shape for every show, and lessons learned from the World Series of Poker. And then, he gives CagePotato.com the full Buffer treatment with a stunning UFC-style introduction. God bless you, Bruce. We are not worthy.

A side-note on why I appear to be screaming like a jackass through this entire interview: The microphones were high-quality enough to block out ambient noise, but trust me, it was deafening in there. You can catch a glimpse of Sammy "Jumpin’ Ropes and Blastin’ Shitty Music" Black, behind us in the red tank top. As you can see, Bruce and I were standing directly in front of the CagePotato punch machine, and it’s a little difficult staying relaxed while a bunch of dudes are launching haymakers two feet behind your head. (Remember that amazing scene in Boogie Nights where Dirk Diggler and his gang are trying to screw Alfred Molina on a drug deal while an Asian houseboy keeps throwing firecrackers in the background? That’s pretty much what this felt like.)

Plus, let’s face it, it’s Bruce Fucking Buffer, and I’m meeting him for the first time. You try controlling the volume of your voice in a situation like that. 

UFC Boston – Wes Sims Interview – Watch more Funny Videos

One of the most visible figures at last weekend’s UFC Fan Expo was "The A-Hole Show" himself, Wes Sims. When he wasn’t creating havoc around the convention center, the wild-’n'-crazy UFC vet was stationed at the Bonafide Tough Guy booth, just a stone’s throw away from CagePotato.com’s setup, and was kind enough to grant us an interview (after spending some time whacking our punch machine and threatening nearby children).

As you’ll see, I ask Wes what he’s been up to since TUF 10, completely forgetting his subsequent loss to Bobby Lashley in Strikeforce; I’m sure he’d like to forget that fight too. He doesn’t have his next match set up yet, but he does explain his dim mak striking technique, and shares the story of how doctors accidentally cut four pounds of penis off of his new son, Max Ruckus.

I’ll tell you something — I’ve never felt more like Mean Gene Okerlund in my life. Big props to Wes for making CagePotato’s UFC Fan Expo booth that much more entertaining, and sticking around afterwards to sign autographs. More to come…

(We know that expression. Looks like somebody needs a James Toney upset to hit their $42,500 parlay bet. Check out more exclusive photos at FightMagazine.com’s UFC 118 photo gallery.)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

– After Perfect Performance at UFC 118, More Tests Await Edgar (Versus MMA Beat)

– Kenny Florian Says Dana White Is ‘Dead Wrong’ About Him ‘Choking In Big Fights’ (MMA Convert)

- Wanderlei Silva Recovering, Hoping for February Return vs. Leben or Belfort (MMA Fighting)

– Roger Huerta vs. Eddie Alvarez set for non-title fight at Bellator 33 (Heavy.com/MMA)

– Mark "The Smashing Machine" Kerr now sells cars in Scottsdale, Arizona. (MiddleEasy)

– Fan Opinon: Top 10 Personalities in MMA (LowKick)

– Tito Ortiz and Shaquille O’Neal face off at the UFC Fan Expo in Boston (Watch Kalib Run)

– Brett Rogers to Return Against Ruben "Warpath" Villareal Next Month in Halifax (Five Ounces of Pain)

– If Don Frye Says You Should Watch Shark Fights, You Should (MMA Scraps)