iggy azalea photos
Iggy Azalea is sexy (46 pics)

April, 2011

Ask the Internet Comment Section Fight Expert

(Pic: Flickr)

By 420fighteXXXpert69, Freelance Contributor

As the world’s foremost authority on mixed martial arts, 420fighteXXXpert69 has been trolling comment sections and lurking chat rooms since dropping out of high school back in 2005. After earning his GED, he’s now pretty sure he owns the most impressive collection of MMA T-shirts at his online community college. Seriously, ask him fucking anything, you fucking noobs …

What’s up, fags?!?! Welcome to another cacophony of fistic entertainment known to you fuckin’ cock gobblers as “Ask the Internet Comment Section Fight Expert.” Once again I’d like to thank CagePotato.com for letting me write this shit (Except for the edits! Fuck those!) and for paying me only in free MMA schwag. Except last week when they mailed me a fucking book! I did not read that shit … because I don’t suddenly want to start feeling hungry for dicks!!!

All eight of my Twitter followers have been straight BLOWIN ME UP this week with questions about everything UFC, so I better drop a knowledge bomb on your fucking lardasses before you get your panties in a wad and start a flame war YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO FINISH! Remember, if you have a question for future articles hit me up on Twitter, cuz my cell phone is shut off right now (Fuck you, Verizon!). Or you can call the house, but you have to speak slow cuz my grandmother is part Korean. OK, let’s see what you morons want to know this week …

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Judo Chop: How to Become a Successful MMA Promoter

(Sub Scott Coker in for Mase and Dana White in for Diddy and you’ll have a winning formula, guaranteed.)

If there’s anything MMA history has shown, it’s that to be a successful promotion, you need to have a hype man. That’s why some promotions never make it past the plateau of mediocrity they are stuck on.

Don’t believe me? Check out the evidence.

Before Zuffa purchased the UFC back in 2001, the company really didn’t have a face like professional wrestling and boxing did with Vince McMahon and Don King, which is what was holding the promotion back from mainstream success.

Reinventing himself with a Headblade, a vintage t-shirt and a “Do you want to be a fucking fighter?” speech, a bell boy-turned-boxercise instructor from Boston  cracked the code giving MMA promoters the formula for how to be successful: reinvent yourself and become a bigger enigma than your fighters or your promotion.

The break down of how The Baldfather became THE quintessential MMA promoter in the game is after the jump.

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CagePotato Ban: The Phrase ‘You Guys’ in Headlines, You Guys

By BG

It’s funny how things we casually write on this site can grow to have a life of their own. From “The Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory” to the “Stockton Heybuddy,” tossed-off gags turn into running gags, which turn into official t-shirt names and UrbanDictionary pages. But there’s one that needs to come to an end right now. I think you guys know what I’m talking about.

“You Guys” first appeared in a CagePotato headline back in September 2009, as part of this classic Dan Quinn video post. At that time, it was already an existing meme that I basically stole from Videogum.com. Initially, I thought it would be a one-and-done sort of thing. Then I used it again. And again. Then, Old Dad* began to use it himself. “You Guys” was spiralling out of control.

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Pantydroppers of the Week: Jeremy Jackson, Mike Whitehead, and Joe Son

(Not actually a) Guest post by GalsGuidetoMMA.com

JEREMY JACKSON
Jeremy Jackson UFC MMA rape

Beth’s View

Doability – I’ve never gone for the “Would have probably been a Nazi if he grew up in 1930s Germany” look, but there’s something about Jeremy that gets my tangas in a twist. I know, I know, the barbed wire bicep tat should be a deal-breaker. Still, those piercing blue eyes. The look on his face that says, “I would throw away every good opportunity, and even my freedom, just for a chance to ravage your body.” Wow. Feel my goosebumps.
Perceived Skills – BB gun shooting, jealous rages
Pet Name – Aryan Da’Hendersons
Imagined Dream Date – I have this fantasy where I’m a lifeguard at a local pool in Nevada. Jeremy comes in with his pack of bros. We lock eyes. He does a few long, slow laps. The butterfly stroke — my favorite. We exchange numbers during adult swim. He doesn’t call. Instead, he just shows up at my bedroom window that night. He’s shirtless and out of breath. I let him in the front door, and he collapses into my arms. He’s vulnerable, like a child, in the body of a man. “It’s okay, honey,” I say. “You’re home now.”
Long Term Relationship Potential – High, but I know it would end badly. It always does with the passionate ones.
Panty Dropper Rating – 4 – Worth the Wax.

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This video of Pat Barry in an afro wig is the most incredible thing you will ever see

Pat Barry afro wig funny MMA photos tighty whities undies poop

Guest post by Zeus, MiddleEasy.com

Whenever me and my college buddy Derek get together, we refer to ourselves as the “P.O.P. Squad.” P.O.P stands for “poop our pants.” We gave ourselves this name because both of us, at one point in our young adult lives, accidentally defecated ourselves in public.

For me, it was simply a matter of a taco-truck-hopping excursion gone horribly wrong. This was about seven years ago in Austin. For Derek…well, I’m not going to dishonor him by re-telling the whole thing myself, but the short version is this: Derek was on Spring Break in Cancun, and after a night of ferocious drinking at Carlos ‘n Charlie’s, he woke up on a bench wearing a fecally blown-out pair of khakis, with no money in his wallet and no way to get back to his hotel, which turned out to be 18 miles away. The story of how he eventually did get back to his hotel is an epic, at times heartbreaking tale, that really needs to be turned into a movie someday. (We hear that Fox Searchlight is interested, and James Marsden is already attached as the lead.)

That random anecdote may or may not have to do with this video we found of Pat Barry, which you can watch after the jump. But there’s one thing we can tell you for sure — it is by far the most epic, rawesome, unbelievably incredible video you’ve ever seen in your life. That’s a guarantee. If you don’t think so, you have full permission to slap me in the face the next time you see me.

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