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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

April, 2011

F*cked-Up Fact of the Day: Brock Lesnar Was the Highest Paid MMA Fighter Last Year

(“What can I say? Beef jerky and flattops don’t pay for themselves.”)

As the rest of us scramble to get our taxes done in the hopes of getting back a nominal return, the world’s highest paid athletes laugh at us from their million-dollar penthouse apartments as they light thousand-dollar cigars with hundred dollar bills as their accountants write checks to Uncle Sam on their behalf to cover what they owe for the year.

Sadly, what the top ball throwers, dribblers, catchers, hitters and kickers pay out in yearly taxes equals more than many of us will make in a single year as long as we live. According to ESPN The Magazine, former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar is a member of that elite club as well.

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Behold, the Astonishing Awfulness of Arianny Celeste’s ‘Debut Single’


(Vid: YouTube/DEMusicGroup)

Alright, we take back all those jokes we made about people who think the world will end in 2012. The apocalypse is clearly upon us, as it has just come to our attention that Arianny Celeste apparently fancies herself some kind of singer now. Just let that news sink in for a moment before reading on … We knew she dabbled, but surely these new apparently professional aspirations can only mean the end of western civilization as we know it, right? I mean there are bad ideas, and then there is the fucking Titanic. There is the Hindenburg. There is leading your army into Russia in the dead of winter. Allowing this attractive, halfway famous girl who has no doubt always considered herself pretty good at karaoke to think she can try her hand at making actual “music” ranks right up there with the worst of them.

Nonetheless, there’s our beloved AC starring in the above video, introducing a “sneak peek” of her “debut single” titled “Fight to Love Me” (Get it? Because she’s a UFC Octagon girl …) which she promises will be out soon with the help of something called the DE Music Group. At first, we thought it must be a joke. The lyrics here are (naturally) cartoonishly bad, the “beat” sounds like somebody made it on a hacked version of some Russian production software from the 80s and if you don’t squint a little bit and lean away from the computer every time she tries to hit a high note, well, you don’t have your speakers turned up loud enough.

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Exclusive: Demian Maia Talks Mark Muñoz, Facing Friends and the Evolution of His Fight Game

(Maia’s ever-improving boxing has made him a more dangerous fighter.)

One of mixed martial arts’ best jiu-jitsu players, Demian Maia’s stock rose immensely when the then-undefeated Brazilian fighter quickly subbed Chael Sonnen at UFC 95. Since then he has only lost twice, and although he may not get a chance to avenge his 21-scond KO loss to Nate Marquardt since “The Great” announced recently that he will be dropping down to welterweight, there isn’t a day that goes by that Maia doesn’t think about a second meeting with UFC middleweight kingpin Anderson Silva.

The next rung up the title contention ladder for the 32-year-old, who has steadily improved his stand-up skills for each fight, is a June 11 meeting with scrappy former Division I wrestling champion Mark Muñoz at UFC 131 in Vancouver. We caught up with Maia yesterday and spoke with the humble middleweight about a number of topics, including his upcoming bout with “The Filipino Wrecking Machine,” his title aspirations and whether or not he would fight a friend if push came to shove.

Check out what Demian had to say after the jump.

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Alan Belcher is Almost Ready to Return and You’ll Never Guess Who He Wants to Fight First

(Belcher, seen here prior to getting that giant picture of Carl Perkins tattooed on his left arm. Pic: TigerMuayThai.com)

If Alan Belcher manages to return from the detached retina that nearly ended his career last year and can recapture anything close to the 4-1 form he showed during his five most recent fights in the Octagon, it’ll be one of 2011’s true feel good stories. Belcher has always struck us as one of the sport’s more likable characters, so when he tells Sherdog this week that he’s interested in returning to the UFC as soon as September, that’s great news. Only thing is, we wish Belcher would show just a touch more originality in deciding who he wants to fight in his comeback bout. Pretty much the usual suspects here:

“(Michael) Bisping is an asshole who disrespects the sport and his opponent,” Belcher tells the Dog. “A fight between me and Michael Bisping is something everybody wants except for Michael Bisping. It would be amazing to sign that fight and have him come to my backyard. He always gets to fight in Britain and other places, but it’d be good to see him come down to Louisiana. I’d love for that to be my comeback fight.”

Yep. Bisping. The ol’ standby. And in case you’re wondering, Belcher wouldn’t turn down a fight with Wanderlei Silva, either, though he sounds a little more reasonable about Silva’s standing in the division than some of the other dudes who’ve called out “The Axe Murderer” recently …

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Wednesday Morning MMA Link Club


(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- Barry vs. Kongo to co-headline UFC on Versus 4 with Marquardt vs. Johnson (5thRound)

- Jake Ellenberger talks Shields vs. St-Pierre; predicts GSP will win via ‘jab and yawn’ (LowKick)

- Can we buy Couture’s post-UFC 129 retirement plans? (Versus MMA Beat)

- Erik Paulson talks about the time he had to hold a gun to a guy’s penis (MiddleEasy)

- Fight! Magazine’s MMA rankings: Melendez moves to #1 (Fight! Magazine)

- Dana White quashes Royce Gracie at UFC Rio rumors (MMA Fighting)

- Brock: ‘I don’t know if you ever get used to taking punches’ (MMA Convert)

- Jon Fitch needs shoulder surgery, will be out 4-6 months (Bleacher Report/MMA)

- Judo gold medalist Satoshi Ishii steps away from MMA to focus on competing in the 2016 Olympics for the U.S. (Five Ounces of Pain)

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Pay Attention, Kids: *This* Is How You Finish Your First Pro MMA Fight

(Vid: YouTube/RussBrew)

We gotta admit, we like the way this Russell Brewer kid rolls. Props to our associates at Middle Easy for the find on this vid, which is alleged to show Brewer’s professional MMA debut at an event called “24/7 Entertainment: Professional Cage Fighting” in Midland, Texas recently. As you can see, Brewer lowers the boom on unfortunate opponent Christopher Golden with a Superman punch-knee to the face combo during the first five seconds of the bout. Then Brewer stands over Golden’s stiff, lifeless body for a moment to admire his handiwork, to his credit not landing any unnecessary strikes on the fallen man. Then (if the name of the YouTube channel is any indication) Brewer takes it upon himself to post the video online, possibly creating the channel for this express purpose, since it’s the only video on there. And that, Potatoans, is your Wednesday morning crash course in how to be a 21st Century digital badass.

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10 NFL Players Who Might Actually Have a Chance in an MMA Fight

By CagePotato contributor, Jason Moles

(Garth DeFelice could have been a contender if it weren’t for that bum hip.)

Imagine for a moment that it’s a hot July morning. You wake up in your McMansion located in a gated community or on a private road. You step into a bathroom, which appears to have been transplanted from a magazine, and take a shower. After you’re dressed, it’s time to have a modest breakfast consisting of no less than four eggs, three slices of bacon, three sausage links, a stack of hotcakes so scrumptious Paul Bunyan would be jealous, and all the freshly squeezed orange juice a man could want. Once you’ve had your fill, you hop in your Lamborghini and head to work… at BestBuy, or maybe it’s Staples. Oops, almost forgot; you went to college so you may have landed a comfortable desk job.

Yes sir, instead of heading to two-a-days at the stadium preparing for the upcoming season on the gridiron, you’re playing the role of the stiff with a 9-5’er to make ends meet. Hey man, it is after all “straight cash, homey” and every hour worked in that inglorious soul-crusher known as work is another chance to elude the repo man.

Do you know who you are? You are an American football player who used to play in the NFL. Since the lockout, things just haven’t been the same. We know it’s all about the Benjamins and all (unless your name is Herschel Walker), so here are a few, possibly former NFL players who might actually have a chance in MMA, unlike Jonnie Morton.

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Video Evidence: Brittney Palmer Wears Bikini, Plays Video Game Against Random Hot Chick

(Vid: Playboy.com)

Just a couple of days before the semifinalists in our ’2011 Hottest Women in MMA Grand Prix’ are revealed and we thought you could use a little scouting video. What you’ll find above is a subtle little film from the artistes over at Playboy where Octagon girl (and tournament two-seed) Brittney Palmer dresses up like a slutty Power Ranger and plays video games in the most sexually-charged way possible against some lady named Jo Garcia. We’re led to believe Ms Garcia is some variety of Playmate, but whatevs. When we saw it, we thought of you, Nation. Need convincing that this is something you should invest just under two and a half minutes in? “I’m so on top of you right now,” Garcia says to B-Palm at one point. Watch the vid, then come back on Thursday to find out who stays in the running for the big gold belt, the medal, the trophies, the oversized check and the wreathy crown.

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UFC 129 Conference Call Highlights and Audio

If you’ve ever wondered what UFC conference calls are like, they’re pretty much the same as the UFC pre and post-fight press conferences, featuring the same reporters asking the same questions and typically getting the same replies.

Today’s first half of the two scheduled UFC 129 conference calls which featured Mark Hominick, Jose Aldo, Lyoto Machida and Randy Couture, was somewhat overshadowed by Couture’s retirement announcement that made the rounds this morning. Most of the questions (and a few separate congratulatory messages) were directed at Couture from writers wanting to know if he would keep his word this time, why he made the decision and what he would do next. One even asked Machida how he felt being involved in “The Natural’s” last fight. I was surprised that some of the journos on the call didn’t ask Aldo and Hominick what they thought about Randy calling it a career.

I kind of felt bad for Hominick and Aldo, who, although aren’t quitting fighting ARE fighting as the co-headliners in a championship bout on the largest scale MMA card in North American history. Priorities people. Randy will be available to answer questions about his retirement plans after the fight.

A few tidbits and the audio from the call are after the jump.

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Judge Tries to Defend 30-27 Verdict for Joe Warren, Only Makes It Worse

(No really, if you squint you might think he is *is* Dana White. Pic: ProMMANow)

In general, we feel like the following situation happens a lot in MMA circles: A guy will do something kind of shitty or controversial – thereby causing a minor internet eruption – and then in his effort to “explain” or “clear the air” or “apologize” he comes out with a bunch of statements that actually make the initial infraction seem much worse. Such is the case with MMA judge Chuck Wolfe, who this week tried to clarify to MMA Fighting the inexplicable 30-27 win he awarded Joe Warren over Marcos Galvao last weekend at Bellator 41. In doing so, Wolfe actually made a string of comments we found far stranger than the decision itself.

The veteran judge’s defense of how he scored the bout essentially proceeded along three tracks: One, he knows more about this than you do. Two, that MMA judges have to score the fight for somebody, right? And three, the fighters shouldn’t have left it in the hands of the judges. All pretty scary stuff, once you really start to think about it. All told, it just kind of makes you want to politely nudge Wolfe and say, “Chuck. Just, you know, shut up.” After the jump, you’ll find the quotes themselves. Be prepared to get mad.

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