sloths funny photos album covers
Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

May, 2011

War Machine’s Big House Blog: Musings on Reincarnation, Open Relationships, and His Plan to Save the World

(If he only knew then what he knows about ‘gay hippy shit’ now…)

Well, War Machine has finally realized what most second graders already know- ‘reading is great’. To think, it only took him being exiled from the UFC, failing at a career in porn, and being sent to jail for felony assault to discover the joy of books.

Below you’ll learn that War doesn’t get down on all of that made-up organized religion crap, preferring to root his beliefs in more time-tested scientific certainties like interdimensional yogis and reincarnation. The good news? While he’s out zipping around through space and time, he totally doesn’t mind if you bone his wife.


Bellator 45 Video: Christian M’Pumbu Smashes Richard Hale, Becomes New Light-Heavyweight Champion


The last event of Bellator’s fourth season went down last night in Lake Charles, Louisiana, featuring the finals of the light-heavyweight and featherweight tournaments. Christian M’Pumbu earned his way to the LHW finals by knocking out Chris Davis and Tim Carpenter, and it was business as usual against co-finalist Richard Hale. M’Pumbu dropped Hale once in the first round, but was unable to finish him with a D’arce choke. The Congolese-French standout didn’t make the same mistake twice; after scoring another knockdown in the third, M’Pumbu threw down leather until the ref was forced to stop the fight, picking up a $100,000 check and the title of Bellator’s first-ever light-heavyweight champion.

In the featherweight final, Patricio Freire edged out Daniel Straus to a unanimous decision, earning a rematch with champion Joe Warren, who he lost a split decision to last June. Full Bellator 45 results are after the jump…


Bamma 6 Results & Videos: Watson vs. Ninja, Trigg vs. Phillips

(Tom Watson vs. Murilo Rua)

If you’re here to read about Murilo Rua running through Tom Watson to claim the Bamma Middleweight strap, have a seat, we need to talk. “Ninja” looked content to stand and bang with Watson early on, but he was clearly getting the worst of the exchanges. By round two, the damage from Watson’s leg kick assault showed in every step Rua took. From there the hobbled fighter served as target practice for “Kong”, whose time at Tristar and Greg Jackson’s has clearly paid off. To his credit Ninja never stopped fighting, at least not until that head kick from Watson put him out on his feet. Following the third round TKO loss, Rua took to twitter to thank his family and friends for their support and to announce his retirement from MMA.

Video of the Trigg-Phillips fight, and full results, after the jump.


KSW 16 Videos: Lindland vs. Khalidov, Pudzianowski vs. Thompson

(Matt Lindland vs. Mamed Khalidov)

From today’s KSW event at the Ergo Arena in Gdansk, Poland. The night’s headliner between Mariusz Pudzianowski and James Thompson — which turned out to be a surprisingly entertaining back-and-forth brawl — is after the jump. (Damn, check out those shots Thompson survives at the 4:27 mark.) Go to for the rest of the videos from the event; full results are here.


4x All-American Wrestler Lance Palmer Wins in MMA Debut

For a guy nicknamed “The Party”, you’d think that he’d have a hotter chick.

At this time last year, MMA pundits were intrigued by Lance Palmer’s announcement that he intended to move to Sacramento to pursue a career in MMA. Lance Palmer was a four time Ohio High School State Champion, the subject of the documentary Pinned and a four time NCAA All-American at Ohio State, so we all dropped what we were doing to…okay fine. We were all busy covering the freak show that was Sylvia vs. Pudzianowski. It seemed important at the time. Anyway, Palmer moved to Sacramento in August of 2010 to join Team Alpha Male, and made his professional MMA debut last night at Fight for Wrestling 3 in Bakersfield California. By the way, the event was a fundraiser for Cal State Bakersfield’s wrestling program, which no longer receives support from the school.

His opponent, Emelio Gonzales, made his professional debut at the beginning of the month, losing by a first round rear naked choke. Predictably, Lance Palmer wasted little time getting this one to the ground. After securing an earlier takedown, Palmer was careful to avoid submission attempts from Gonzales. After a failed armbar attempt by Gonzales, Palmer took his back and sunk in a rear naked choke.

After the jump, be sure to watch the video of the fight with your sound on. Normally, spectators who yell out instructions at the fighters are extremely annoying. However, there’s something equally tragic and hilarious about assuming the woman yelling instructions at Emelio Gonzales throughout the fight is his mother.


Dan “The Beast” Severn KO’d While Vying for his 100th Win

By all rights he should have been at home last night, falling asleep at 9pm with a VHS tape of “Murder She Wrote” episodes playing quietly in the background, but 53-year-old Dan Severn had other plans–namely to lock himself in the cage with a kid half his age and duke it out. It wasn’t Severn’s night, though, as he was knocked out in the first round by 26 year old Lee “The Beast” Beane (no relation). A right hook sent Severn crashing to the canvas where he absorbed several hard shots until Beane called an end to the bout on the referee’s behalf. Had Severn prevailed over the now 8-2 Beane, it would have marked his 100th official win, though countless others took place long ago in smaller shows where fastidious note taking often takes a back seat to wet t-shirt contests and clearing out before the cops arrive.

Severn’s ten fight win streak was halted several weeks ago by a third-round TKO courtesy of Ryan Fortin at “King of the Cage- Mile Zero”. That Severn is fighting so regularly and (until recently) with a fair amount of success is impressive, but as we’ve seen with Chuck Liddell and more recently Randy Couture, there comes a time when every fighter must hang up the gloves. If this knockout marks the end of The Beast’s wild ride, our hats go off to him. At fifty-three years old he’s bested more than a hundred men, a feat that very few can claim.


Exclusive: Jon Jones Reveals Controversial Text Message From Rashad Evans [UPDATED]

Rashad Evans Jon Jones text message white boy

By Brian J. D’Souza

While making promotional appearances at the MMA Expo and MMA Live show in London, Ontario, UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon ‘Bones’ Jones took the time for an interview. [Ed. note: We'll be posting the video later.] Speaking on a number of subjects, off-camera, the question of the authenticity of a recent racially-charged insult from Rashad Evans came up.

I took this photo of Jones’s smartphone (blacking out Evans’s number), which contradicts Rashad Evans’ earlier denial where he wrote, “Let me just state 4 the record I never made a racist statement 2 Jones. Jones creditability [sic] is gone with his fake surgery.”

Currently, Rashad Evans is expected to face Phil Davis at UFC 133; original opponent Jon Jones pulled out of the bout, citing a hand injury. Jones’s next opponent is undetermined.

UPDATE: Yes, this is real. I texted the number in the photo, asking for an interview with Rashad Evans, and Evans texted me back the info for his publicist, Jennifer Wenk. Evans is busy training, but Wenk mentioned that he would tell the entire story on ‘Inside MMA’ Friday evening. [Ed. note: Evans discussed his recent nightclub encounter with Jones, but we're not sure if he talked about the text message. Anybody DVR the episode?Jones also confirmed himself that the image was taken from his phone.


Six Likely Candidates for MMA Fighter Union President

“My thoughts concerning the state of Wisconsin repealing the collective bargaining rights of public employees? I’m glad you asked…”

Several recent, seemingly unrelated news stories in the MMA world have shared a common theme- unions. It’s the lobbying efforts of one union, Dana White insists, to blame for the UFC’s failure to gain a foothold in New York. And some pessimists credit a fear of unionized fighters–more than simple altruism–for Zuffa’s decision to provide accident insurance for its fighters. With all of the talk about a potential MMA Fighters Union, we took a moment to ponder who’s likely to throw their hat in the ring for union president…


Friday Afternoon Link Dump

(Video courtesy of YouTube/MMAHeat)

- 33 alternate walkout songs MMA fans would love to hear (BleacherReport)

- Aldo says he’ll add a “special” skull tattoo to his shoulder to honor warrior Hominick (Tatame)

- Things You Can and Can’t Do The Day Before The Rapture (HolyTaco)

- God damn it: Those Hollywood sons-of-bitches are remaking Carrie (ScreenJunkies)

- Bisping defends Rampage (MMAFighting)

- NBA rookie of the year Blake Griffin wants a part in ‘Rage’ (TheRugged)

- Bob Reilly continues his crusade against MMA in Forbes (MiddleEasy)

- Beer ads have pent the last half-century at the beach (AdWeek)

- Rampage’s UFC 130 blog: defending the cage and putting on a show (CageWriter)

- NSAC approves  UFC’s request for judges’ monitors (Sherdog)

- CSAC flip-flops on Sonnen ruling; Chael free to re-apply for license June 29 (MMAJunkie)

- Arnold’s Love Child Revealed (Break)


Judgment Day: 7 MMA Fighters Who Will Benefit From the End of the World

Ben Henderson angel wings tattoo back UFC MMA fighter
(Bendo: Prepared for takeoff.)

According to some misguided crazy people, the world is going to end tomorrow. Apparently, May 21st, 2011 is the scheduled date of the Rapture, in which Christians will be shuttled off into the air to meet Christ, while the sinners will be left behind, leading to Armageddon or something. (For more information, consult this Kirk Cameron movie). If the rumors are true, we’re all pretty much fucked. Still, there’s a few MMA fighters who will be getting the sweet end of the deal. For instance…

The lightweight standout is one of the more vocal supporters of his Lord and Savior in the cage, shouting out Philippians 4:13 after every win. He makes his fight entrances to gospel music, and has never touched alcohol. Whatever bad stuff goes down tomorrow, he won’t be around for it. He’ll be in mid-air, doing that pyramid thing with his hands.

Chael Sonnen UFC photos
Stripped of his real estate and fighting licenses, Sonnen was just sentenced to a year of roaming the earth with no income, trying to “promote goodwill” and show that he’s rehabilitated. A swift, violent end would probably be an upgrade at this point.