“Where’s your liveblog now, Playboy?” (Photo: FiveOuncesOfPain.com)

Chael Sonnen may have opted to stay home this weekend, terrified of losing his ranking as the biggest ass on the continent, but the rest of the MMA world has descended upon Rio de Janeiro and dammit we’re going to blog about it!

It’s the UFC’s triumphant return to Brazil and we’ve got a treasure trove of questions to work through tonight. Will there be enough carrots to get the fighters to and from the stadium safely? With Joe Rogan absent, can Kenny Florini fill the void in nut shot and cup-related conversation? Will the raucous Brazilian audience make good on the riots that Vancouver expected?

There are probably some questions related to the fights as well, and time permitting we will answer them. Join us after the jump to catch the punch-by-punch PPV action and to explain why your favorite fighter just lost and/or had an off night in the comments section.

Video Props: MiddleEasy via MMARocks.pl

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, the day of a UFC event is always a pretty slow news day. Aside from last second hype for the event and the occasional minor league show with people you’ve actually heard of, we have to get creative with our definition of “news”. So when MiddleEasy posted a video of Aleksander Emelianenko training with World’s Strongest Man turned MMA fighter Mariusz Pudzianowski, it was a pretty easy decision to pass this along.

I’ll be honest, I kind of assumed that Aleksander’s busy schedule of crushing cans, getting prison tattoos and not having hepatitis left him zero time to actually train. For that matter, I also assumed that when you’re a decorated Russian criminal and Fedor Emelianenko’s younger brother, you wouldn’t need to practice to be really good at hurting people. Different strokes, I suppose.

(YouTube props: CrazyLuke111)

Whenever a psuedo-celebrity climbs into the cage, something in our TMZ-infested DNA makes us take a little extra notice. A fight that would normally pass right on by without a second thought suddenly sparks a curiosity in the back of our brain. Promoters put these fights on with just that in mind, hoping that the anomaly will pay off in a little added exposure. Thus far in her career, Amanda Lucas has proven to be a goldmine in that respect.

We’re not saying that she isn’t taking her job as a fighter seriously (nor are we saying that she is, really), but the fates have intervened to garner her far more attention than her name alone could ever deliver, and very little of it has to do with her directly. First, a scheduled bout against Heather Martin was canceled last April when her opponent showed up an incredible 13 lbs. over the agreed upon weight limit. Then she had the displeasure of getting rag-dolled at the 2011 Mundials by Strikeforce 145 lb Women’s Champion Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos. Now when a dominant victory could speak for itself, it’s overshadowed by her opponent’s fit of post-fight rage.

The latest Dana Vlog opens with a montage of the UFC kingpin battling his way through a torrent of media obligations stateside, including a cell phone convo in which he puts archenemy Bob Arum on blast. Once the final interview has been granted and the last F-bomb dropped, we see him jet off to Rio courtesy of some broke-ass “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” graphic.

While mingling with the segregated Brazilian and American camps, Dana makes a few weight inquiries which reveal that a disgruntled Forest Griffin was walking around at 216 lbs. one day removed from the official weigh-ins while Shogun was hovering just above the limit at 207 lbs. As for Middleweight challenger Yushin Okami, he was tipping the scales at a solid Thursday 89 kilos 196 lbs.

Full weigh-in results after the jump. And if you didn’t get to drop your predictions in our Fight Picking contest, you’ve still got time to tell the Nation how it’s all going down tonight!

Interview with BJ Penn’s brother, Reagan, who makes his MMA debut tonight. Props: MMAHawaii.com.

Many readers are probably looking for something to do after UFC 134 tonight. Preferably something that will involve a local bar with good drink specials and attractive women. Well, we can’t help you there. But for those hardcore MMA fans among us who don’t have things like “social lives” or “friends” holding you back, Sherdog has you covered with a live stream of ProElite’s return.

The stream begins at 1 A.M. ET on Sunday morning, and no, you don’t have to pay for it.

Aside from the return of Andrei Arlovski against King of the Cage light-heavyweight Ray Lopez, the event also features a middleweight tilt between the recently axed Kendall Grove and Joe Riggs. Both fighters are riding two fight losing streaks into the cage tonight. Also on the card are 2009 NCAA D1 wrestling champion Mark Ellis, UFC veteran Drew McFedries and BJ Penn’s younger brother, Reagan Penn, who is making his MMA debut. Again, you don’t have to pay for it.

Zuffa may be looking to bring Alistair Overeem back into the fold, but there is one Golden Glory fighter who is moving on to greener other pastures. Former Strikeforce 135lb Women’s Champion Marloes Coenen has signed a three fight, non-exclusive contract with North Carolina-based BlackEye Promotions.

Coenen was cut from the Strikeforce roster following her failed title defense against Meisha Tate last month, though the exile was more political than a reflection of her performance. The drop from Showime to an unknown regional promotion isn’t a glamorous one, but BlackEye is trying to establish itself as a player in the WMMA game. Its upcoming October 1^st card—The Breast Cancer Beatdown–boasts six female bouts that include fighters Erin Toughill and Roxanne Modafferi.

It is a somewhat curious move, considering that Golden Glory and the UFC are once again on speaking terms. Though her contract with BlackEye is non-exclusive, we all know that Zuffa doesn’t like to share its toys, so even if her current promotion is cool with a return to Strikeforce it isn’t likely to happen unless she breaks free of those ties. “Rumina” expects to return to action sometime in February. We’ll be watching…if that’s an option.

CagePotato.com has confirmed with Shark Fights officials that Proving Ground winner Nick Newell (5-0) will make his promotional debut at Shark Fights 19 against fellow lightweight Jesse Zeugin, a 29-year-old fighter from Missouri who holds a 5-2 record with all wins by submission within the first two rounds. Zeugin last competed at Titan Fighting Championship 18 in May, where he lost to Joe “The Nose” Wilk via anaconda choke. He trains out of the Springfield Fight Club alongside TUF 12 finalist Michael Johnson and Strikeforce/Bellator vet Zak Cummings.

Shark Fights 19 takes place September 10th at the Independence Events Center in Independence, Missouri. We’ll release the full fight lineup in the next few days. If you want to come hang out with us at the show, get your tickets here, and follow Shark Fights on Facebook and Twitter.

(“Why are we even talking about Anderson Silva? I saved that guys career and he’s yet to mail me a thank you card.” Props: NaturalBornKillerMMA)

Get in your Internet-reading now before Aeolus knocks our power out…

Dana White on Dan Henderson, Possibility of Overeem vs. Lesnar, Ortiz vs. Franklin (BleacherReport)

The 50 Best Submissions in the History of MMA (Complex)

Windy Starr Lopez Takes us Deeper (BabesofMMA)

The History Behind UFC 134: Brazil’s Top 10 Best UFC Moments (TheRugged)

Kazushi Sakuraba Returns to Meet Undefeated Submission Ace Yan Cabral at DREAM.17 (MMAFighting)

Joe Namath Wants To Make The Ladies Wet: A Gallery Of Cheerleaders In The Rain (WithLeather)

To White Michael Vick, and Beyond (TheBigLead)

18 Perplexing Band Names Explained (MTV Clutch)

Lenny Dykstra Creepily Exposed Himself to Women (Guyism)

Nutrition and Hydration Tips for Running a Marathon (Bullz-Eye)

“Bucky Larson” vs. “Jack & Jill” — Which Sandler Movie Looks More Terrible? (Filmdrunk)

The Military Has Banned Farts, You Guys (HolyTaco)

Celebrate “National Go Topless Day” With This Celebrity Hand-Bra Gallery (MadeMan)

9 Beloved Children’s Characters Who Are Obviously Gay (ScreenJunkies)

20 Amazing Photos of Sofia Vergara (TuVez)

Heavy Bag Double Kick Fail (Break)

The game in the video above is Fighters Uncaged, a fighting game for the XboX 360 that utilizes the XBoX Kinect motion control system to turn the game player into the game controller. The on-screen character replicates the movements that the player makes in his living room, and virtual beatdowns ensue. That’s the concept, at least. In reality, the game has been beaten up so bad by critics that Dana White wanted to fire it.

(Why so glum, Joey? Prison is a magical place, just *full* of gang-rape.)

Justice has finally defeated UFC veteran/actor/rapist Joe Son. The thong-clad scumbag‘s gang-rape trial came to an end yesterday, with Son eating a felony conviction that could put him in prison for the rest of his pathetic-ass life. SFGate has the details:

Joseph Hyungmin Son was found guilty of one felony count of torture Thursday. A statute of limitations had expired on other counts. Prosecutors say Son and an accomplice pulled the victim into a car on Christmas Eve in 1990 and drove her toward Huntington Beach as they beat her with a gun and raped her. The investigation had gone cold until Son was required to provide a DNA sample in 2008 in connection with a vandalism sentence. He faces a maximum sentence of 15 years to life in state prison.

Four years after the rape, Son debuted in the UFC as a Bible-thumping nutpunch-magnet. Any guesses on how long he’ll last in prison?

(Image via soldierforever)

UFC 134 weigh-ins are scheduled to kick off at 3 p.m. today at the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janiero, Brazil. You can watch all the staredowns (and potential scale-fails) live in the video player after the jump, and we’ll update the numbers below when they’re official. And remember to swing by CagePotato.com tomorrow night for our “Silva vs. Okami” liveblog!

(Pic props: Tapout Cancer via MMAPayout.com)

Apparently Dana White isn’t the only person in the MMA community who keeps a cease and desist in their back pocket, eagerly awaiting to ruin someone’s fun.

MMAPayout.com is reporting that Authentic Brands Group, owner of MMA brands Sinister, Silverstar and Tapout, has officially served notice to the non-profit cancer awareness company Tap Out Cancer over the use of a federally trademarked word ‘tapout’.

All I can think about is Mask rolling over in his grave right now. First the “bro deals” went out the window and now this. I understand the business logic behind the decision. However, I feel it’s a missed opportunity for the most recognizable MMA apparel company to have a positive impact in the lives of others while gaining the hearts of media everywhere. What do you guys think?

As we all know, Chael Sonnen occasionally says things about Brazilian fighters, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and the country of Brazil that are less than complimentary. You ever wonder what the fans of Brazil think about Chael Sonnen?

Us neither. But Ariel Helwani was at the open workouts for UFC Rio, and there were a few fans there, so why not? Turns out, while there are a few that recognize Sonnen’s promotional efforts for what they are, mostly the Brazilian fans just plain don’t like the gangster from America. Go figure.

Check out five minutes of Brazilians talking about Sonnen. It’s worth it.

[RX]

(Props: epwar. Click for larger version.)

Every time I see a photo of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, it freaks me out that the dude is only five years older than me. I mean, yeah, I haven’t spent my life traveling overseas to be punched in the face by some of the baddest heavyweight MMA fighters in history, but I like to think that my skin care regimen is paying off. (Pumpkin seed oil and placenta, all day. Trust me, guys.)

The mere sight of Nogueira and Brendan Schaub standing next to each other is just one of the reasons why the legendary Brazilian is coming in as more than a 2-1 underdog for their main card bout at tomorrow night’s UFC 134: Silva vs. Okami event. Plus, he’s had surgeries on both knees and his hip since his knockout loss to Cain Velasquez last February, and admits that his rehab was rushed in order for him to compete in his home country for the first time.

Saturday night will determine if Big Nog still has a future as a top-level competitor. Can he pull it off?

(The Royce Gracie of our generation poses with the Anderson Silva of his generation. Props: facebook.com/ufc)

On August 27th, Rio de Janeiro will be Blowout City. Aside from two matches on the preliminary card — Loveland vs. Jabouin and Assuncao vs. Eduardo — every fight at UFC 134: Silva vs. Okami features a fighter who’s a 2-1 favorite or higher. In times like these, it’s not about picking the winners, it’s about picking the upsets. So where they at? Check out the UFC 134 gambling lines below (via BestFightOdds), and consider our advice after the jump.

Main Card (PPV, 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT)
Anderson Silva (-471) vs. Yushin Okami (+425)
Maurício Rua (-220) vs. Forrest Griffin (+225)
Brendan Schaub (-230) vs. Antônio Rodrigo Nogueira (+216)
Edson Barboza (-300) vs. Ross Pearson (+280)
Luis Cane (-200) vs. Stanislav Nedkov (+195)

Spike TV Prelims Live (8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT)
Thiago Tavares (-205) vs. Spencer Fisher (+200)
Rousimar Palhares (-275) vs. Dan Miller (+252)

Facebook Prelims (6 p.m. ET / 3 p.m. PT)
Paulo Thiago (-389) vs. David Mitchell (+340)
Raphael Assunção (-160) vs. Johnny Eduardo (+149)
Erick Silva (-270) vs. Luis Ramos (+246)
Yuri Alcantara (-437) vs. Felipe Arantes (+379)
Ian Loveland (-195) vs. Yves Jabouin (+180)

(You can pretty much guess why he had to shave his head.)

Look, we’ve busted Jason Reinhardt‘s balls a couple times because of his tendency to fight 0-0 opponents, his winless UFC record, and because he happens to look like Steve Carrel’s stunt-double in a movie about meth addiction. But of course records never tell the whole story. As a sub-155′er trying to make a living in the Midwest, Reinhardt had to take whatever opportunities were available to him, and was often paired up with much larger opponents on his journey to the big show. After news of his UFC release broke, Reinhardt went on the UG to respond to his critics and defend his strange career. I thought it was worth passing along. Read on…

Yesterday when we posted video of that double armbar submission, Potato Nation loyalist ihateemo pointed out that it looked a bit like Eddie Bravo’s Sorcerer submission, and he even linked to the video. Thanks, ihateemo, now we can’t post that as the technique video of the day and write about how they looked similar. We would have looked very perceptive and educated, and everyone would have been impressed, but ihateemo had to go and screw it up for us. Thanks a lot, jerkface.

Good thing is, Bravo has plenty of videos out there of the strange and wonderful world of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu, and finding footage of him weeded and talking his way through an exotic submission requires about two minutes and a yellow belt in Google Fu. With just a little bit of time and effort, we found this little gem covering the Vaporizer leg lock (which has NOTHING TO DO WITH WEED, YOU GUYS), plus a bonus: the vid features Joanne Spracklen, whom we’re sort of fond of around here.

Ok, Nation: go put on your gi pants, do some stretching, and try this out on a white belt today. With any luck, you can make them tap and/or cry and be back on XBoX before cocktail hour.

[RX]

And here we have UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva lip-synching to Minnie Riperton as part of his new endorsement deal with Burger King. The lack of business regulation in Brazil means that BK can legally sell five-patty Deathburgers there, and we totally believe that Silva eats those things all the time. The King is dead. Long live the King.

Semi-related: After the jump, MMA stars predict the winner of Silva vs. Okami in a new video from UFC Connected. Silva juuuuust sneaks by with 100% of the vote.

(“Hey, remember when I punched you in the face? That was awesome.” Photo courtesy of Esther/Strikeforce)

Inactive for 14 months (and counting), Cristiane “Cris Cyborg” Santos confirmed via Twitter last night that she has finally re-signed with Strikeforce. The 145-pound women’s champ officially became a free-agent in June, when her champion’s clause expired before she and Strikeforce could come to terms on a new deal. Though she had been negotiating with other organizations — and was even courted by the WWE — Santos is back where she belongs, and will face Opponent TBA at Event TBA.

Of course, Cyborg’s original problem still remains — that there are no credible challengers ready to fight her. I have a bad feeling that Ronda Rousey is about to get a life-changing phone call very soon.

(Everlast Pro Competition MMA Gloves — perfect for wearing around the neighborhood while demanding that strangers get in your guard. / Image via MMAHQ.com)

Know what we haven’t had in a long time? A good ol’ fight-picking contest. Our new friends at MMAHQ.com have pledged us a pair of four-ounce Everlast MMA gloves (see above), and we’re going to award them to one lucky CagePotato reader in a test of predictive skill.

This Saturday, UFC 134 goes down at the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, featuring Anderson Silva‘s latest title defense against Yushin Okami and the light-heavyweight rematch between former champs Mauricio Rua and Forrest Griffin. Submit your predictions for these two fights in the comments section below, including the winner’s name, the method of victory, and the time/round of stoppage, if any. Your entry should be in this format:

Bad news for Aoki: he may not be able to use those magic tights.

According to a report by Sherdog, Bellator is trying to wrangle a actual, no-shit SuperFight for Eddie Alvarez — a rematch against the Japanese submission wizard Shinya Aoki. The two met previously at Dynamite!!! 2008 for the DREAM lightweight championship, which Aoki won in just 92 seconds via heel hook.

The loss was Alvarez’s first (and only) loss at 155; he’s since reeled off seven straight wins in Bellator and DREAM, winning the Bellator lightweight strap along the way. Alvarez has seen his stock rise in the intervening years, while Aoki has suffered some humiliating losses, including an epic beatdown from Gilbert Melendez for Strikeforce and a hilarious KO loss to Yuichiro Nagashima at DREAM’s 2010 New Year’s Eve show.

(“I’m here to pick up your daughter. Or your son. Whoever’s free.”)

After a woefully shitty performance against Edwin Figueroa at UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle, Jason Reinhardt has officially been released by the UFC. It was Reinhardt’s third loss in the Octagon — in three different weight classes. At 41, he was the oldest active fighter in the UFC.

Reinhardt began his career as a wrecking ball in midwestern regional promotions, racking up an astounding 18-0 record with all wins by stoppage. (It should be noted that only five of his opponents had winning records, and about half were making their MMA debuts.) Though Reinhardt was originally signed to fight Roger Huerta at UFC 63 in 2006, a neck injury delayed his debut until the following year, where he was quickly choked out by Joe Lauzon at UFC 78.

Reinhardt returned to the midwest to beat up a couple more nobodies in local shows, and was inactive for a couple years nursing injuries. In February 2011, the UFC had Jason back as a featherweight, throwing him against Tiequan Zhang. Reinhardt lost by submission (again), this time in just 48 seconds. The UFC gave him one more chance earlier this month, this time at bantamweight against Edwin Figueroa. Reinhardt ran around the cage until Figueroa finally caught up to him and TKO’d him in the second round.

Also, he gave his parents crabs once. For real. That charming little story is after the jump, as told by Jason himself while wearing a coon-skin cap.

(Step one of their ferocious secret-handshake.)

So maybe “dick-tucked” was an over-simplification. Yes, Chael Sonnen will be staying home this weekend, despite his original plan to corner Yushin Okami at UFC 134 in Rio. But his reasons for backing out of the trip are a little more complicated than the fear of a Brazilian lynch mob. MMAJunkie has the details:

A source with knowledge of the situation told MMAjunkie.com that Praetorian, a Brazil-based MMA brand, threatened to pull [Okami]‘s sponsorship if Sonnen attended.

“There’s a line of people that want to kick his ass,” the source said.

And that could be the least of problems for the expert trash-talker. Sonnen said friends in the country forwarded him a local-media report in which a police chief threatened to arrest him on sight if he showed. The official cited a law that makes disparaging the national identity a crime.

(Whatcha gonna do, brother, when Anik-amania runs wild on you?!)

By Jason Moles

In the first three quarters of 2011, the mixed martial arts landscape has changed radically.

We have witnessed the ascension of a smaller promotion with the aid of a hip cable channel and the ruination of a former mecca of MMA at the hands of natural disasters. Fighters have been busted for elevated Testosterone levels, arrested for their various transgressions, cut after a bad showing in the Octagon, and ensured that their job was secure after losing an unprecedented four fights straight.

Of all the things we’ve seen thus far, two news stories are head and shoulders above the rest in terms of impact. The announcement of Zuffa’s acquisition of Strikeforce and the recent news of UFC signing a television deal with FOX are the top two pound-for-pound news stories of 2011. Which story carries more significance? Which is the bigger game-changer? Only here at CagePotato, you the reader get to decide.

But first, let’s lay out both sides of the argument…

VidProps: FreeFights4You/YouTube via Saucylv33/The UG

Just days before UFC 134: Ultimate Brazil 2 we find this clip recounting the abilities of the world’s most venomous spider. Known for its potent, deadly strikes, the Brazilian wandering spider is noted for its ability to quickly put down its prey, although there are documented cases of toying with those caught in its web.

After the eight-limbed monster claimed its last victim in the extreme environment of Las Vegas, arrangements were made to return the dangerous arachnid back to its native ecosystem.

Research continues in an effort to determine if the Brazilian wandering spider is, in fact, the apex predator that many believe it to be.

[RX]

(Full gallery is after the jump.)

How have we never featured ex-BAMMA ring girl Amii Grove on CagePotato? That injustice ends today. The 25-year-old English glamour model has taken her clothes off for such distinguished publications as Page3 and Zoo [links NSFW], and appeared in the movie Your Highness this year. Follow her life on Twitter, visit her official site, and check out some more choice Amii Grove photos in the gallery below…

(Jake Salyer of Tulsa, Oklahoma, manages to pull off a double-armbar submission in his MMA debut. The Diet Butcher would be proud. Props: GorillaTacticsMMA via ‘Okwiseguy’)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- Lorenzo Fertitta: I Would Love to Do Anderson Silva vs. Dan Henderson at UFC on FOX (MMA Mania)

- Cain Velasquez Talks UFC 139 Title Fight, Jon Jones, Alistair Overeem, and Being a Father (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Going Streaking: Anderson Silva’s Record UFC Run on the Line at UFC 134 (NBC Sports MMA)

- Phil Baroni: Nobody Dry Humps the New York Bad Ass and Gets Away With It! (Exclusive Interview) (LowKick)

- ‘MiddleEasy/Whoa! TV Gym Expeditions’ Visits Birmingham, England (MiddleEasy)

- Felice Herrig on This Weekend’s Cancelled Fight and State of Women’s MMA (TheFightNerd)

- Royce Gracie Wants One More UFC Fight, but Ready to Move on Without It (MMA Fighting)

- “Strikeforce HW GP Semifinals” Official Trailer (5thRound)

- Josh Neer Headed Back to the UFC Against Keith Wisniewski in October (Five Ounces of Pain)

- “(UFC) Is the Only Sports Property That Is Pure and Works Literally Around the Entire World.” (FightOpinion)

- UFC Hopes to Be in Pre-Production on Australian Version of The Ultimate Fighter by the End of the Year (MMA Convert)

- FOX Deal May Be Just What New York Needs (MMA Payout)

(“…and that’s the ‘bleeding robot’. For my next impression — the ‘bleeding hula girl’.”)

Two pivotal light-heavyweight matchups have been added to UFC 139: Velasquez vs. Dos Santos, November 19th in San Jose. First, in the night’s “no pressure” match, Ryan Bader and Jason Brilz will both try to snap their two-fight losing streaks. Bader is skating on thin ice after being utterly ass-handled by Jon Jones in February, then getting choked out by Tito Ortiz in the upset of the year. Brilz kicked off his losing skid with a valiant effort against Lil’ Nog, followed by a far-less-impressive 20-second knockout loss to Vladimir Matyushenko at UFC 129. Winner keeps their job. Loser…well, who knows anymore?

Upsetting news breaking on Strikeforce’s next card in September — Josh “The Punk” Thomson has pulled out of his upcoming fight due to injuries suffered during training. He Tweeted earlier today about a mishap while sparring and going for X rays, and those newshounds at MMAFighting confirmed the news this afternoon.

That’s a pretty bitch, since we were really looking forward to Thomson’s bout, welcoming Japanese superhero Maximo Blanco to Strikeforce and North America in a bout that was guaranteed to be a parade of asskickery.

No word yet on who will be picked to replace Thomson, but may we suggest JZ Cavalcante?

[RX]

(Props: TheBattlefieldFight via MiddleEasy)

And here we have Marcus ‘Lelo’ Aurelio scissor-kicking Jose Cornejo’s head in mid-air like he was trying to score the winning goal for Brazil. The stoppage came just 43 seconds into their meeting at Saturday’s Battlefield Fight League event in Vernon, British Columbia, Canada. Fun fact: Lelo is the very same dude who pulled off that insane capoeira kick knockout against Keegan Marshall in 2009. Good lord, get this guy on TUF already.