(Video courtesy of YouTube/chokeouttv)

I’ve you’ve ever told an off-color joke only to realize that the person you’re telling it to is standing in front of his 83-year-old grandmother, you’re going to appreciate this video.

Fabricio Werdum thinks he’s being witty when he sees Fedor and his entourage in the elevator at the hotel prior to Strikeforce’s last event in New Jersey and lets them know that he knows a few greetings the Russian group will understand. “Vai Cavalo” goes on to explain that he lived in Croatia for a stretch and while he was there he picked up some of the country’s Slavic native tongue — a dialect that closely resembles Russian.

(I bet if that cameraman had been The Undertaker, Lesnar would have just let him do his job. Video props via MiddleEasy.)

OK, so maybe the above video was taken in the aftermath of Brock Lesnar’s first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem, but we imagine he had a similar reaction when informed by the Nevada State Athletic Commission that he must have an abdominal injury cleared by a doctor before he can compete in any physical activity for the next 6 months. Remember, given his recent retirement, the “physical activity” that Lesnar would be limited from would be his two favorite things, illegally tag-and-bagging mule deer and “getting on top of his wife.” Livestrong, Mr. Lesnar. BTW, that was kind of a dick move, shoving a poor cameraman like that. Way to go out with class.

But Lesnar was not the only fighter who walked out of UFC 141 facing a possible 6 month suspension. Nate Diaz, who, after out landing Donald Cerrone by over 150 strikes, somehow faces a longer suspension than that of “The Cowboy” — Diaz must have his right eye cleared by an ophthalmologist or will also be out of action until June 28th.

Join us after the jump for the full list. 

(Gina making sure her fighting career is dead with the help of an Uzi.)

Well, it’s really seeming less and less likely that Gina Carano will be coming back to compete in MMA.

In spite of the fact that she says she is undecided whether or not her professional future resides in the cage or on the big screen, Carano, who attended Friday’s UFC 141 event in Las Vegas to help promote the upcoming January 20 release of her film, “Haywire,” seems to be talking a lot in the past tense when addressing her fight career.

Gina told MMAFighting.com’s Ariel Helwani that she spent the past two-and-a-half years making the film and getting to know herself better and flip-flopped between explaining that she pulled out of her June fight with Sarah D’Alelio due to medical and personal reasons, adding that she wished that the media would just stop asking what the issue was.

Check out the video and read the most telling quotes after the jump.

(Full gallery is after the jump.)

Since we introduced you to Pacific Xtreme Combat ring girl Abby Poblador last week, we figured we’d show some love to her half-Filipina partner in crime. Ayumi Sogawa is a 21-year-old model and graphic designer from Quezon City, Philippines, who also holds round cards for the PXC promotion. She believes that God is an alien or something like that, and she’s not afraid of blood-play. Get to know her better on Facebook, and check out more of our favorite Ayumi Sogawa photos below…

(Even the ladyboys in Thailand were no match for Quinton’s rapidfire pelvis)

They say with all sexual addictions, the addict eventually begins to lose interest in their current fetish and moves on to stranger, more dangerous behavior.

For Quinton Jackson, his humping addiction could prove his undoing if he continues to escalate the adrenaline factor at the rate he’s going.

Rampage Dry Humps Cagepotato Reporter – Watch MoreFunny Videos

(“Today FUEL TV, tomorrow the world…muahahaha!”)

If you’re like us and you can’t get enough of The Chael Sonnen Show,  you’ll be happy to know that “The Gangster from America” has been added to the line-up of Fuel TV’s new weekly UFC Tonight serial.

Sonnen will have his own segment on the show called Chael’s Corner and if the clip below is any indication, it will consist mainly of “The Real UFC Middleweight Champion” taking potshots at Brazilian fighters.

(NOW we get why Kyle’s friends often refer to him as “The Poke” Noke.) 

After collecting three straight stoppage victories in as many UFC contests, EliteXC and TUF 11 veteran Kyle Noke was quickly building up a reputation as one of the top up-and-comers in the middleweight division. Being one of the few successful Australian fighters to grace the UFC (sorry, Elvis), Noke carried a bit more pressure on his shoulders than the average TUF alum, especially when heading into his UFC Live 5 match against resurgent TUF 3 veteran Ed Herman. Unfortunately Noke (and therefore the Australian MMA community), would fall to a first round heel hook in that fight, placing all Aussie UFC hopes in the hands of a man nicknamed after an animal relative to Africa.

But fret not, ye Fosters enthusiasts, for Noke’s path to redemption will begin in the land from which he was birthed. Yes, “KO” recently announced that he will be taking on Jared Hamman at UFC on FX 2, which goes down at the Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia. Hamman, whom we will forever be in debt to for knocking CB Dolloway out of the UFC, will also be looking to build up a win streak; he was most recently flattened in the first round by Constantinos Philippou at UFC 140. This match has yet to be confirmed by the UFC.

Join us after the jump for some juicy featherweight and bantamweight gossip…

(“Go on. Tell me my tie is uneven. I fucking dare you.”)

Before his fight against Brock Lesnar at UFC 141 on Friday, Alistair Overeem‘s former management team convinced a Nevada District Court to issue an order that would garnish Overeem’s fight purse pending an ongoing legal battle. (Short version: Overeem and Golden Glory both claim that the other side owes them money.) Luckily for the ‘Reem, the Nevada State Athletic Commission chose to ignore that order:

Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer told ESPN.com it was his understanding that the bond was not posted, therefore Overeem received a check for $385,714.28 — his bout fee and win bonus. Overeem will also earn a signficiant portion of UFC 141′s pay-per-view proceeds.

Golden Glory’s legal representation released a statement in response saying that they won’t give up so easily:

“This was a short-term possibility that KOI and Golden Glory were prepared for. Seeking the initial writ was merely the first step in a long-term litigation strategy that KOI and Golden Glory will prosecute in Nevada. The writ of attachment remedy remains fully available to my clients and will be sought as to Mr. Overeem’s future pay-per-view payout, which we expect will be more lucrative than his initial fight purse. Rest assured, now that we have had the opportunity to troubleshoot complex international hurdles – and without a long holiday weekend to contend with – future writs of attachment will be utilized to ensure that Mr. Overeem makes good on the commissions owed to my clients and his Golden Glory training team, who helped him achieve the success he now enjoys.”

UFC 141′s full list of disclosed salaries and bonuses is after the jump…

(Video via YouTube.com/UFC)

Just five months after their last visit to the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, the UFC returns with another card headlined by native heroes. In UFC 142‘s main event, featherweight champion Jose Aldo — who has now won ten straight fights in the WEC/UFC — looks to make another belt defense against undefeated Team Alpha Male wrestling specialist Chad “Money” Mendes, who will be hoping to put Aldo on his back as much as possible and score some revenge for Urijah Faber’s leg.

In the co-main event, middleweight contender Vitor Belfort returns from his latest injury layoff to welcome Anthony Johnson to the middleweight division, in a matchup that contains too much explosive athleticism for its own damn good.

All 11 fights on the “Aldo vs. Mendes” card feature at least one Brazilian, with Rousimar Palhares, Edson Barboza, and Gabriel Gonzaga making return appearances. The full UFC 142 lineup is after the jump…

(If Arianny liked us 1/10 as much as she does “The Reem” we’d be out of the doghouse right now)

While the rest of us were watching Alistair Overeem make Brock Lesnar wish he had never taken up real fighting, the creative powers behind “The Reem” were releasing another episode of our favorite online documentary.

(Poor Tiki)

Judging by our favorite two gifs from the episode, you can guess that “The Demolition Man” was a big hit in Vegas.

Check it out after the jump.

Jacob Volkmann is a man of many faces; he is an excellent, if somewhat frustrating grappler, a small business owner, and someone who knows how to pick a nickname. But among those faces, you will not likely see Volkmann donning “the fight finisher” or “the comedian” anytime soon. If you, like Joe Rogan and the few audience members present for his decision victory over Efrain Escudero at UFC 141, didn’t find Jacob Volkmann’s “glassectomy” bit to be all that amusing, then you weren’t alone. Lucky for us, our buddies over at MiddleEasy were able to catch up with “Christmas” recently, and allowed him to clarify his statement:

 I heard that joke when I was six years old. ‘Glassectomy’ is when they cut your belly button out, put a piece of glass in there, and when you have your head up your butt so you can see where your going.

We guess that it’s just one of those “you had to be there” kind of jokes. Then again, we’re glad we weren’t there the day that one of the Volkmann clan opted to have this procedure carried out. But apparently one visit from the Secret Service was not enough to convince Volkmann that he might want to tone down the threats aimed at the leader of the free world, because when questioned on the specifics of his beef with Obama (and what he would do to him in a fight), Volkmann had the following to say:

(Come on, Fitch wasn’t out. He was just resting his arms.)

On Friday night, Alistair Overeem successfully gut-shotted his way to a title shot against reigning UFC heavyweight champ Junior Dos Santos — and his larger-than-life opponent Brock Lesnar will likely never set foot inside of an Octagon again. But the fates of the other winners and losers from UFC 141 are still up in the air. So let’s put on our Joe Silva skin-suit and see if we can make some thoughtful matchmaking suggestions for these guys, shall we?

Nate Diaz: As ferocious as he looked against Donald Cerrone, part of me thinks that Nate is going to get rudely decisioned as soon as he goes back to facing wrestlers; guys like Clay Guida, Joe Stevenson, and Gray Maynard have already proved that putting Diaz on his back is his kryptonite. But I don’t want to see that happen, at least not right away. Next month’s UFC 144 event provides two compelling options for Nate’s next opponent — either the winner of the Anthony Pettis vs. Joe Lauzon scrap, or Ben Henderson if he loses his title challenge to Frankie Edgar. Either matchup would give Diaz an ideal dance partner for another guaranteed Fight of the Night.

Donald Cerrone: Not to steal the thunder from Diaz’s masterful performance, but Cerrone looked like shit on Friday. Sorry, it needed to be said. The highly technical fight-finisher that we’ve come to know and love was M.I.A., replaced by an outgunned cowpoke who was as sloppy as he was tentative. Cerrone needs a rebound fight to find his mojo again. Setting him up against fast-rising Ultimate Fighter 13 winner Tony Ferguson would be a great test for both fighters. Either Cowboy gets back on track against a solid opponent, or Ferguson continues to prove that he’s more than just a TUF-guy.

(“Oof…right in the diverticulitis!”)

Most fans and pundits who watched Friday night’s UFC 141 main event between former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar and Octagon newcomer Alistair Overeem were amazed that Brock didn’t utilize his superior wrestling to stifle the offensive attack of “The Demolition Man.”

Junior dos Santos had a brief exchange in the cage with Lesnar following his crushing defeat at the hands (and legs) of Overeem, and according to the UFC heavyweight kingpin, his newly-retired peer was rattled by the sheer power of the former DREAM, K-1 and Strikeforce champion’s kicks and knees and couldn’t get back on track after absorbing such an immense amount of damage.

(Can someone say SUPERFIGHT?!!!) 

It’s a new year, Potato Nation, and aside from an endless number of Mayan-themed jokes that will undoubtedly punctuate most of our content, we’ve decided to kick off 2012 with you, our esteemed followers, in mind. And while we had more than our fill of exciting brawls in 2011, things like injury curses, excessive title shots, and sudden desires for film careers left us with hunger pains that could only be satiated by the announcement of another marquee match-up. That, or one of your wife’s famous steak sandwiches.

Call us greedy, call us insensitive, but we’re the type of fans that simply must have our every fantasy fulfilled, and it is with that in mind that we ask you, our fellow fanatics, to join us in a discussion of the five fights we NEED to witness this year, if only to end a few of the never ending arguments that constitute the CP comments sections. Here are our picks…

#5 – Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen

Why?: Because if we have to hear how lucky Silva got one more time, we are going to round up all of our writers and perform a full reenactment of Death of a (Real Estate) Salesman. Goldstein will play Willy Loman, the elderly and dillusional salesman (Obvs.). CrushCo will play Biff, the former football star who yearns for a life as a farmhand, and Seth will play Happy, the slacking womanizer, leaving none other than myself to play Linda. What can I say, it sucks being the new guy.

If you missed listening to the festivities live last week, we finally got around to uploading our interactive 30th episode of The Bum Rush Radio Show that we recorded on Thursday. Between audio issues and server downtime over the weekend, we were unable to bring you this dose of sweet ear candy until today, but at least you’ve got something to help you through your hangover…er Monday.

Joining us on this 2011 retrospective instalment of show were some of your favorite contributors including Jason Moles, Jared Jones and Seth Falvo. Also calling in to voice their opinions on the year’s biggest stories and UFC 141 were comment section regulars Remedial and karmaatemycat.

(Thank you, Internet. You never fail us. Dancing Gina Carano GIF via MMAConvert)

UFC 141‘s best moments, boiled down to 12 animated gifs. Check out the rest after the jump. Special thanks to IronForgesIron, Chas, and Unfilter on the UG.

(Hey Mario, is that some Jacks Links in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?)

By Jason Moles

When we next see Brock Lesnar, will it be in the Octagon or the squared circle? What did “Cowboy” Cerrone do with the beanie Nate Diaz handed him? Where in the world did this Jimy Hettes guy come from? None of these questions will be answered in this forum. Instead, you’ll learn which UFC 141 fighters’ stock to buy more of, sell off, or hold. Even if you’re still too hung over to remember what happened Friday night, you’ll still need to make a few fiscal moves to stay ahead of the curve. Remember, money never sleeps, kid. Now go make yourself a Bloody Mary then keep reading to kick off the New Year with sage advice about the MMA stock market.

Alistair Overeem – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free

It makes no difference whether you think “The Reem” is completely unstoppable or flat out overrated — when he fights, people watch. Casual fans will be enamored with Alistair Overeem because he looks good with his shirt off (at least that’s why I think Arianny make that face) and the hype that can be drummed up by Zuffa thanks to his Strikeforce, DREAM, and K1 titles. For the next few years, as long as he doesn’t piss hot for some tainted horsemeat, the “Demolition Man” will be a main event attraction that will only make him more valuable with time.

“Listen, I know we’ve had our moments, but before you make your list just hear me out…” (Photo: Gossiboocrew.com)

We’re only a few hours into the new year, but unless your head hit the pillow just as the ball dropped, you’ve probably already carried some of your bad habits with you into 2012. We are creatures of habit, and change doesn’t come naturally to us. If it did, we wouldn’t make such a big production out of our ‘New Year’s Resolutions’. The sport of mixed martial arts and its fans are no different. Here’s a quick look at some of the bad habits we’ve picked up and poor decisions we’ve made over the past 12-months. Let’s hope we can leave them behind in yesteryear.

“Back up, homie: What the hell is ‘Face Book’?”

As MMA fans, we’ve seen our fair share of “WTF” moments. From freak show fights to flashy knockouts to Jon Fitch partying like a rockstar to freaking Jose Canseco, you would think that we’ve seen it all and nothing could surprise us. Yet sometimes a story comes along that is so bizarre that even we are unable to make sense of it.

Houston Alexander returned to the spotlight this weekend. When we last checked in on the former UFC light heavyweight, he was getting his lights turned out by ex-hockey enforcer Steve Bosse. If you thought that was as low as things could get for Alexander, then prepare to flabbergasted.

Here is the latest update on Alexander, courtesy of KMTV News Omaha, via MiddleEasy:

Kimbo, looking like Rick Ross with slightly better cardio

You know, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen this happen before.

While you were busy watching UFC 141, Kimbo Slice looked to improve his professional boxing record to 3-0 at the Buffalo Run Casino in Miami, Oklahoma. So far in his boxing career, the Shaws have been feeding Kimbo cans with losing records, and Kimbo has been capitalizing in devastating fashion. Friday night, however, Kimbo Slice was given his toughest test in his young boxing career in Charles Hackmann, a fitness instructor making his professional boxing debut after taking the bout on just one day’s notice.

It’s almost like the guy was brought in to lose *snickers*, yet he held his own against the former UFC fighter (sigh), almost pulling off the upset in the second round. The action wasn’t as fast-paced as Cruz vs. Johnson, yet you wouldn’t know it by how badly both fighters gassed in the third and fourth rounds. When it was all said and done, Kimbo improved to 3-0, yet had major holes in his game exposed.

Video, courtesy of Iron forges Iron, after the jump.