(“From now on, all preliminary card fighters will be required to slam four shots of tequila before the start of each round.”)

After a one-week resting period, the CagePotato Roundtable is back up in that ass with another spirited debate. Today’s topic is “If you could make one change to the Unified Rules of MMA, what would it be?” Sitting in this week is Potato Nation comment-section all-star Nathan Smith (aka The12ozCurls) — and since it’s his first time, we’ll make the new guy go first. If you have a topic-suggestion for a future Roundtable column, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com, and shoot us your own MMA rule-change suggestions in the comments section…

Nathan “The12OzCurls” Smith
One of the reasons we love the sport of MMA is the absolute reality that a fight can end in the blink of an eye. We have all held off taking a leak or grabbing another beer until the end of a round because we all know that in the 30-90 seconds that we step away from the screen, the fight could be over. It has happened to all of us. You figure the last minute of the round is going to be uneventful just like the four minutes prior. You get up to snag another High Life and then you hear the collective “OOOOOHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” from the roomful of friends that have gathered in your man-cave garage to watch the latest UFC.

So I ask: How could it get better? Answer: By adding another way to win a fight in the blink of an eye, that is more painful than a Paul Harris ankle lock and more powerful than a 2005 Iceman overhand right.

I would change the rule that states that it is illegal to “intentionally throw your opponent out of the cage/ring.” Now let me preface this by saying it has to be a cage because pushing somebody over the top rope is for guys like Brock and Hillbilly Jim. Not only would I make chucking your opponent out of the Octagon legal, I would propose that you automatically win if you are able to successfully achieve that feat.

(Well, this would explain Popeye’s bacne.)

In the wake of Alistair Overeem‘s tragically botched drug test, MMAJunkie.com medical columnist Dr. Johnny Benjamin delved into those mysterious T:E ratios, and underscored the argument for year-round random testing. Here’s what the doc said:

Testosterone (T) is the naturally occurring male hormone produced primarily in the testes. Epitestosterone (E) is an inactive form of testosterone that may serve as a storage substance or precursor that gets converted to active T.

Most men have a ratio of T to E of 1:1, which means normal men have equal amounts of T and E in their blood. There is some normal ethnic and time of day variation in the normal T/E ratio (as low as 0.7:1 and as high as 1.3:1).

Statistics reveal that a ratio of up to 3.7:1 will capture 95 percent of all normal men, and a ratio of up to 5:1 will capture greater than 99 percent of all men. That’s why the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) allows up to 4:1 (so its test is at least 95 percent accurate) and the Nevada State Athletic Commission, the NCAA and some others allow up to 6:1 (for 99 percent accuracy). The whole goal is to not label someone a cheater when he or she isn’t. (Very, very rarely, some people are just freakishly high, but they have a ratio of less than 6:1).

(Pufferface: Because duckface is so 2010.) 

Much was made about Jon Jones’ recent Muhammed Ali-inspired cover for the May issue of UFC Magazine. Some thought it was way too early in Jones’ career to make such comparisons, some thought it was awesome, and other conspiracy theorist types launched into possibly one of the most pointless arguments I have ever had the displeasure of reading; the “puffiness” of Jones’ cheeks and whether or not the photo was faked. Really, guys?

Regardless of what side of the fence you stand on, check out this behind-the-scenes look at the cover shoot so we can all put this argument to rest.

(Be warned, Dana, Barnett only comes as a package deal.) 

Well, you can add Josh Barnett to the small list of people that Dana White has said will never fight in the UFC again, but will now likely fight in the UFC again. Money does strange things to people, doesn’t it?

Believe it or not, the man who once offered to urinate in DW’s mouth for a steroid test, and stated that he believed “a trained monkey” could do the UFC President’s job will almost definitely be getting a call from the UFC if he is able to walk away victorious from his upcoming Strikeforce Heavyweight tournament final match with Daniel Cormier on May 19th. Here’s what The Baldfather had to say:

The way that Showtime wants to do it is when that fight finally happens, whoever wins it, they wanna do another fight on Showtime, so that guy would probably come to the UFC. We’ll see what happens, you know? Josh and I have been playing nice with each other for a little while, since he got into the UFC. It’s more than just, ‘Does he win? Does he do this?’ You gotta be able to come to terms with the guy and be able to deal with him. If he wins the fight, I can’t see why he wouldn’t come here, unless we weren’t able to make a deal with him.

(Overeem, pictured next to a normal-sized human being for comparison.)

File this under “HOLY F*CKING SH*T.”

Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer has confirmed to CagePotato.com that Alistair Overeem‘s testosterone/epitestosterone ratio registered at 14:1 in his recent failed drug test. Assuming you’re not an expert endocrinologist, we’ll let MMAFighting.com put that number into perspective:

The average male produces a T/E ratio around 1:1. The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) uses a 4:1 standard for positive tests, and NSAC uses 6:1 as its cutoff, a number used by WADA up until 2006…Overeem’s number is slightly lower than that of Chael Sonnen when he was caught with an elevated level in 2010. Sonnen, who lost to Anderson Silva the day after the test was taken, produced a sample with a 16.9:1 ratio.

(Here’s to the continued documentation of corporate Presidents and hot girl celebrities getting drunk. Photo via @danawhite)

As we all know by now, yesterday was not a good day for UFC President Dana White. Thankfully, The Dana was able to spin the potential UFC 146 disaster into twitter gold last night, with a little help from comedian/actor/swimsuit improver Olivia Munn.

“Me and my buddy @Oliviamunn are having a blast 2 nite no matter how shitty my day was!!!!!!!” Dana tweeted around midnight.

And from the above photo, it appeared that White and Munn did indeed imbibe merrily. Some of our other favorite tweets from Dana, Olivia, and their followers are below:

(Look at it this way, it’s not like it could end any worse than the first time around.) 

Diego Sanchez has kind of become the Oprah of MMA. One minute he’s fat, the next he’s skinny, and in the moments between, he’s using a combination of over-the-top enthusiasm and divine right to help amass a cult following that consists of anyone within shouting distance. Perhaps it is ironic that the only fighter in UFC history to jump between more weight classes than Sanchez is the man he managed to beat for the TUF 1 middleweight plaque, Kenny Florian.

In either case, it looks like Diego’s most recent trip up to welterweight, which saw him go 2-2 (or 1-3 depending on how you viewed the Kampmann fight) will not be where the UFC’s go-to YES!! man will call home for long. In a recent interview with MMAJunkie.com, Sanchez stated that he is considering dropping back down to lightweight, because, you know, B.J. Penn is gone now. Fine, he didn’t state that directly, but we can read between the lines. Anyway, after undergoing surgery to fix a nagging shoulder injury, Sanchez feels 155 might become his new stomping grounds…again:

I really try to lift weights, but the shoulder injury sort of set me back. As I heal up, my body’s going to get a little smaller, so I might just go down to 155.

The last time I was at 155, I was just a wreck. Mentally, I was still young and partying a lot, and I was still smoking weed. I was just a wild child. Now that I’m grounded and have my life together and am married, I’m just focused. So maybe 155 might be a better weight for me.

Our question to Diego is: Why stop there? The flyweight division could sure use another contender that gives us the willies.

(“Gettin’ clean before we get dirty, I see? Alright then, baby, that’s…[*vomits*]“)

Katy Perry‘s latest video for “Part of Me” tells the story of a young woman who decides to enlist in the Marines after seeing her boyfriend canoodling with a co-worker. (Bear with us, this gets better.) So, she chops her hair off, embarks on an epic training montage, and when she gets a letter from her old beau, she burns it like the worthless trash it is. In the end, she is in a world of shit, yes, but she is alive, and she is not afraid.

God only knows why Ranger Up and actual-member-of-the-United-States-Armed-Forces Tim Kennedy decided to do a scene-by-scene parody of the video. Kennedy seems to be mocking the idea that joining the military is a logical response to having a bad day, but we think Tim just needed an excuse to put on a cheap wig and dance around with his friends. The point is, this happened, it really exists, and you can watch it below.

(It’s always the ones you least suspect. / Photo via MMAFighting)

By Elias Cepeda

As we reported nearly one week ago, six heavyweights on the UFC 146 card were surprise-tested for drugs in Nevada after a press conference in Las Vegas. Today, Nevada State Athletic Commission Director Keith Kizer told CagePotato through a written statement that while five of those fighters passed their tests, number one heavyweight title contender Alistair Overeem (who was slated to fight Junior Dos Santos on the May card) did not:

“The following athletes were tested on March 27:  Alistair Overeem, Junior dos Santos, Frank Mir, Cain Velasquez, Roy Nelson and Antonio Silva.  All test results were negative, except Mr. Overeem tested positive for an increased T/E ratio (> 10).  Mr. Overeem will need to appear before the Commission if he seeks licensure,” Kizer’s statement reads.

Overeem was granted a conditional license to compete in Nevada at the end of the year after missing deadlines for testing. As a part of that conditional license, he was subject to additional surprise drug screenings like the one administered last week.

(We don’t even know where to start.)

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If thi video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.

Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you after the jump, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.

Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.

(John Einemo, the only man to ever truly smell what The Rock was cookin’.)

Norwegian news site VG.no is reporting that former UFC heavyweight John Olav Einemo has decided to call it a career after being cut from the promotion following his loss to Mike Russow at UFC on Fox 2.

Although Einemo told reporters that the UFC had left the proverbial door open for his return if he was able to put a couple wins together in smaller promotions, Einemo felt that the time he had to spend away from his family during the training process was simply too much to handle. Apparently his wife and kids didn’t drive him crazy. For those of you who are suddenly overwhelmed with panic as to when you’ll see J.O.E again, fret not, for he plans to help build upon Norway’s ever-growing MMA scene as a coach somewhere down the line.

Nevermind, this is likely the last we’ll see of Einemo before the trolls get him.

(Props: youtube.com/fueltv)

Chael Sonnen is back with more surreal statements in his latest Chael’s Corner segment for Fuel’s UFC Tonight. Here a sampling of Sonnen’s sincere and deep thoughts:

“Fighters have recently seen it as their quasi-job to continually put out misinformation.”

Recently? Naw that’s nothing new, Chael. Fighters have never had a problem, say, screaming in pain and tapping out to a submission, and then claiming that they did not. Heck, some guys have even gone on pr campaigns questioning the professionalism of refs who save fighters who ask for fights to be stopped. Maybe it doesn’t count as misinformation if the obvious truth is caught on live national television.

“[Some fighters] just refuse to answer a question, head on.”

True. Like, for example, answering questions with non-sequitor quotes ripped off from western movies and pro wrestling promos.

“There’s a tremendous difference between what fighters say vs. what fighters mean.”

(Wait…it’s already been FIVE YEARS since these two last fought?!!) 

Trilogy fever has officially struck Zuffa.

Word has it that lightweight scrappers Sam Stout and Spencer Fisher will meet for a third time at UFC on FX 4 this June, in a fight that will be an early front runner for “Fight of the Night” to say the least. Both Fisher and Stout are coming off losses to Thiago Tavares, so it seems a good a time as any to have these two square off once again, because MMA fans eat up rematches like fried Kool-aid nowadays.

Fisher and Stout last met way back at UFN 10 in June of 2007, where Fisher was able to erase the memory of his split decision, “Fight of the Year” earning loss to Stout at UFC 58 by walking away with a close but unanimous decision victory. As of late, however, Fisher has descended further down the lightweight ladder with each performance, to the point that he could be fighting for his job come June 22nd. He has dropped 4 of his last 5, with the lone win coming by way of UD over UFC washout Curt “The War” Warburton at UFC 120. Yes, you read that correctly; Curt Warburton’s nickname is “The War.” What a crafty SOB.

Stout has seen quite a bit more success recently, scoring wins in 4 of his last 6, including a first round starching of Yves Edwards at UFC 131 last year. After his long time trainer and close friend Shawn Tompkins suddenly passed away, however, Stout pulled out of his bout with Dennis Siver to do some “soul searching” along with fellow Team Tompkins members Chris Horodecki and Mark Hominick. Upon returning to the octagon, the aftereffects of such a tragic loss were still noticeable, as both Stout and Hominick suffered defeats to Tavares and Chan Sung Jung, respectively.

In other fight booking news…

(Props: 2000dwrecked, via IronForgesIron and MiddleEasy)

Look, we appreciate this guy’s passion. And sure, we’ve seen worse MMA-fan tattoos. I’m just saying, think of how this ink-piece might appear to the vast majority of humanity who isn’t aware of Nick Diaz’s legendary gogoplata victory over Takanori Gomi at PRIDE 33. To them, it just looks like one dude in shorts blowing another dude on his back, and it’s right there on your chest, forever. Wouldn’t a cool t-shirt have been a wiser choice? At least that way you can take it off when you discover someone else to idolize in five years.

Have I just grown too cynical? Is this Nick Diaz tattoo not the most regrettable thing you’ve seen all week?

(Props: Playboy.com / Lots more after the jump.)

Two months after being named “Cybergirl of the Month” for February 2012, Bellator ring girl Jade Bryce is back on Playboy.com with a revealing new photoshoot. Though you have to be a Playboy Plus member to see the full (nude!) pictorial, we’ve collected a few highlights from their “Rockin’ Bod” preview set and posted them in the gallery below — along with four more safe-for-work highlights from Jade’s previous Playboy shoots.

(Bellator’s charmingly “WTF?” fight-finishes are coming to a reality show near you.)

Though Bellator Fighting Championships has been putting on high-quality fights for three years now, the organization and CEO Bjorn Rebney have been careful to not wage war with the UFC. However, it was announced today that Bellator will step just a little bit closer to direct-competitor status, with a reality show to air on the same cable network that gave the UFC its big break by airing The Ultimate Fighter — Spike TV.

After the UFC and Spike could not come to terms on continuing their partnership, Spike’s parent company Viacom bought Bellator, announcing that the new organization would begin airing programming on Spike in 2013. We now know that part of that will be a reality show featuring Bellator fighters and produced by The Amazing Race producer, Bertram van Munster.

“Some of the most physically-gifted and fascinating athletes in the world fight in Bellator, and I believe that they make ideal subjects for an innovative non-scripted series,” van Munster said in a statement released by Spike today.

(What do you *mean* you don’t have any Funyuns?) 

It has been a pretty terrible week in the world, Potato Nation, and it’s only Tuesday. Seven people were recently murdered by some sick asshole with a grudge out in California. Tornadoes have threatened to literally remove Dallas from the planet, and flood waters nearly drowned the island nation of Fiji. All within a couple of days.

But not everything sucks; an eighty year old woman managed to land a plane in Wisconsin after her pilot husband collapsed, and it looks like we’ll be seeing Nick Diaz return to competition earlier than we could have predicted. HOORAY!

(A rose for every bridge you have burned, Mr. White.) 

It looks like soccer players and fans alike have joined the growing legion of people that loathe, or at least don’t take kindly to Dana White’s opinion. For those keeping track, the list includes women, homosexuals, Fedor Emelianenko fans, hardcore PRIDE and WEC fans, SpikeTV, the Internet, and the state of Oklahoma, among others. It’s like they say: to make an omelet, you have to break enough eggs to make that same omelet five times over.

Before we get to the challenge issued by former MLS Defender of the Year Jimmy Conrad, let’s do a little backtracking. It all started when White, in his infinite wisdom, stated at the Calgary press conference that the sport of soccer was basically a talentless bunch of nonsense that anyone with basic motor skills could perform. If that wasn’t bad enough, he then declared that he had beaten David Beckham in a game of horse soccer and that Pele was a fraud before farting into the microphone and storming off. Surely this wouldn’t piss off any fans of the biggest sport on the mother effing planet, right?

WRONG.

After hearing these comments, Conrad emerged with the fire of a thousand suns in his eyes and challenged DW to put his foot somewhere else than his mouth for once. The following ultimatum was made while Conrad masked a rage that would turn a lump of coal into a blood diamond between his buttcheeks:

Why would a tough guy like you feel so threatened by soccer that you needed to go off on it unprovoked? Is it maybe because you know the one thing any three-year-old can do is fight? Hell, mine spent a whole year fighting me. But that shouldn’t threaten you. I’m pretty you could hype a fight between two three-year-olds and make it the biggest thing since the “Thrilla in Manilla.” But you wouldn’t do that, would you? Because you know that three-year-olds don’t understand the techniques, or tactics, or subtleties of your sport. Well, same goes for ours…. Here’s what I’m going to do. Because I like you, I’m going to give you the opportunity to join me and a few friends for a game of soccer. Since you believe playing soccer requires no talent, I’m sure you’ll be the star. Unless you’re scared.

Check out a video of the challenge after the jump.

None of us who watched it could ever forget when former UFC and Pride champion Mark Coleman embraced his sobbing daughters in the ring after losing to Fedor Emelianenko in 2006 and reassured them that “daddy was alright.” Turns out, neither have his daughters. But, according to one of them, it wasn’t nearly the terrifying experience that we all assumed it to be.

“It was so fun out there…I don’t regret it at all,” Coleman’s daughter said during an interview for an HDNet Fights segment on her dad, which you can check out above.

Coleman was also interviewed, and teared up when talking about the moment and the criticism that he received for it. The idea that he had in some way traumatized his daughters by bringing them to the fight — then introducing them to the man who beat him up — is still hard for Coleman to swallow. “Being a dad was the most important thing to me in the world,” he said.

We can’t really blame Coleman for trying to do what he thought was best, especially since it doesn’t look like he did it flippantly; he was just shouting out to his daughters in the audience with the mic, and PRIDE officials apparently ushered them into the ring to make for “good” TV. At any rate, it’s nice to see that his daughters are rockstar athletes now, rather than rabid anti-MMA activists.

-Elias Cepeda

(in b4 shitstorm)

Is Jon Jones the “Greatest of All Time”? The latest issue of UFC Magazine might be trying to drop a subtle hint in that direction, with their Bones-in-a-pool cover taking inspiration from a classic photo of boxing legend Muhammad Ali. As Cagewriter explains:

Though it may seem early in Jones’ MMA career to make comparisons to Ali, it’s not too early for this picture. Flip Schulke took this iconic picture of Ali in 1961. It was just a year after Ali, still called Cassius Clay, won Olympic gold in Rome. He was a young man who was astonishing the boxing world with his power, speed and footwork. At the time, he was like no other boxer. In the early 60s, he won 19 straight bouts and seemed invincible. Does that remind you of anyone?

An apt comparison, or more fuel for the haters?

(Hey Gil, hold up a finger for each title defense you’ve given a shit about lately.) 

OMG, you guys. Rematches are like SO HOT right now. So hot, in fact, that they are being booked regardless of whether they are necessary or not. Or, in the case of the recently booked Gilbert Melendez/Josh Thompson trilogy match, whether we even want to see them.

Don’t get us wrong, the first two scraps between these two were entertaining affairs, and the third should be no different. However, its matches like these that bring into question why Strikeforce is still in existence, you know, other than the ladies. Just check out the current roster of lightweights in the promotion and scoff accordingly. There are less contenders in that lineup than your average season of Dancing with the Stars, and even your friend Randy, who blew his hand to pieces with that M-80, could count the entire talent pool using his fingers and toes, and still have some left over.

Either Strikeforce needs to start recruiting fighters fast, or Melendez will be able to defend his belt more times than Anderson Silva and GSP combined…against Josh Thompson. Given that the UFC is currently purging all of Strikeforce’s remaining talent, it seems the latter is an inevitability. What will be most interesting to see is how Strikeforce will continue to market this from here to eternity. WHO’S READY FOR MELENDEZ/THOMPSON 10 IN OUTER SPACE?!

(Props: twistereddie)

- Singing an R. Kelly love-jam in a thick Portuguese accent while your crush is getting out of the shower? EHHHHH!

- Bragging about your movie/pilot Return of the Death-Knuckle, then humbly following it up with “but you don’t wanna get bored with how much money I’m gonna make, that stuffs, how much fame gonna have for me and for the ladies in my life”? NOOOOOOOOO!

- Desperately offering to give her your “code for MySpace’ee” as she walks away, then beating your head against a wall? Fail upon fail.

Keep your head up, Laranja. There’s other fish in the sea…

(BROCK CARES NOT FOR JORTS.)

Brock Lesnar‘s rumored return to professional wrestling became terrifyingly real last night on WWE Raw. After a long-winded, jeer-drawing monologue from John Cena — who had just lost a match to The Rock in Wrestlemania 28′s main event the night before — Lesnar interrupted the proceedings by stalking into the arena. Pants were shat.

It was as if Lesnar’s previous four years fighting in the UFC, which included two years as the promotion’s heavyweight champion, was all a dream. The WWE fans in attendance at Miami’s American Airlines Arena welcomed Brock like he’d never left, and the Next Big Thing clearly hadn’t lost an ounce of his old swagger. Lesnar entered the ring, and without a whole lot of preamble, picked up Cena, spun him to the mat with his trademark F-5, then soccer-kicked Cena’s stupid little hat.

The video is after the jump. Discuss.

(Wait, now I’m fighting who?) 

Maybe it’s because we’ve been burned many, many times before, but we’re not exactly sold on Dana White’s recent claims that the upcoming TUF 15 Finale headlining match between Martin Kampmann and Jake Ellenberger will be for the next title shot. You see, “number one contender” is a term that is so loosely used and abused by the Zuffa brass these days that it might as well be Rampage Jackson.

But be that as it may, a press release sent out by the UFC this morning, quoting the almighty DW nonetheless, has stated that the victor of Kampmann/Ellenberger will indeed get the winner of Condit/GSP, whenever the hell that happens:

The welterweight division is stacked and Jake Ellenberger and Martin Kampmann are going to fight for the chance to earn a title shot. They will headline the season finale of TUF Live on FX to crown the next Ultimate Fighter. There’s a lot at stake for the guys competing on this card at the Palms.

You see how they did that? “For the chance to earn a title shot,” is about as brilliant a non-commitment as we’ve ever seen. Dan Henderson would be impressed by such a classic Dana White misdirection, and would undoubtedly have a better response than the one you are about to read. But if you feel tricked, hoodwinked, or even bamboozled by such a statement, then you’re not alone. We’re not going to take it anymore, and are calling shenanigans on this right now before things get out of hand. Here’s why.

(“Don’t you ever dismiss Katy Perry as an empty vessel for pop drivel again! ‘Teenage Dream’ is this generation’s ‘Sounds of Silence’!”)

TMZ is usually just good for catching Quinton “Rampage” Jackson monster truck racing police, Chuck Liddell drunk off his ass, or Dan Henderson corralling comely young ladies into cars. But recently their camera-creeps ran into the very well-behaved and incredibly friendly UFC heavyweight champ, Junior Dos Santos. As you’ll see, Dos Santos is becoming the new Wanderlei Silva — nightmare-inducing inside the ring but completely disarming and approachable outside of it.

Somehow, the amicable Dos Santos was able to turn the asinine pestering questions from the TMZ crew into an adorable video of him signing pop songs, and putting the sport of MMA in a favorable light. Check out the video after the jump of Dos Santos “singing” Adele and professing his love for Katy Perry.

(“You and I were long friends; you are now my enemy, and I am yours. – Ben Franklin)

By Jason Moles

Friendship is, and always will be, one of life’s trickiest puzzles. It is also one of the most rewarding and enriching experiences a person will ever have. But despite all of the wonderful joys that come from having a friend, not all friendships are made to last the sands of time like Fred and Barney. How could they? Ego, pride, and the opposite sex often reduce the strongest of bonds to mere ashes. And we wouldn’t want it any other way because some guys make good friends, but much better enemies. Here’s a look at five classic friendships gone awry…

Jon Jones – Rashad Evans

In a time when instant gratification is king, the world is still awaiting the showdown between former friends and training partners, ‘Suga’ Rashad Evans and Jon ‘Bones’ Jones. Jackson’s MMA used to be a place where the two sweat and bled together, side by side, day after day — as friends. These two were more like brothers than Ken and Frank, so much so that they vowed never to fight each other, suggesting someone would fake an injury to avoid the confrontation at all costs.

We’ve had multiple in-cage showdowns, a twitter beef or two, and a minor club incident since the moment the young rising star confirmed that he would indeed fight the former TUF 2 winner if Dana White really wanted him to. Fast forward a year and the two have still yet to fight thanks to injuries, both real and imagined. Some would argue that “Good things come to those who wait,” but patience is not a virtue most of us possess. We want to see these dudes throw down now! All we are concerned with at this point is who the teacher is and who is the student.

(Has Lesnar decided to return to the quiet and dignified life of professional wrestling?)

Earlier this weekend there were rumors that former UFC heavyweight champion — and before that, former WWE champion — Brock Lesnar had signed a new deal with the WWE and would be making an appearance at their annual pay-per-view centerpiece WrestleMania yesterday. Lesnar never actually showed up on the broadcast, and the rumors of his re-signing with the WWE are still just that, but they come from about as reliable a rumor-mill as there is in the business, Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer (via MMAMania):

“Brock Lesnar has arrived in Miami and arrived with security and a large group of people shielding him from everyone. This is the going story, but not confirmed, that Lesnar has signed a one year deal and will work a more than Undertaker and less than Goldberg type of schedule.”

What they mean is that Lesnar would not be driving all over the country in a rental car five days a week, working show after show like most people on the WWE roster. That’s good, since Lesnar first left the WWE because he didn’t want to have to maintain the brutal grind of a pro wrestler’s life, no matter how well it paid.

(On next week’s episode: The machete-and-claws deathmatch between Rony Jason and Hugo Wolverine.)

My complete ignorance of the Portugeuse language kept me from fully appreciating yesterday’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil, but I do know that teams were selected, UFC featherweight champ Jose Aldo stopped by to hang out with Team Wanderlei, and the first featherweight quarterfinal went down between Wagner “Galeto” Campos and Godofredo “Pepey” de Oliveira. Team breakdowns are below, and the full episode video (including result spoiler) is after the jump, courtesy of TUFBrazil…

Team Wanderlei: [FEATHERWEIGHTS] Rony “Jason” Mariano Bezerra, John “Macapa” Teixeira, Wagner “Galeto” Campos, Marcos Vinicius “Vina” Borges Pancini, [MIDDLEWEIGHTS] Leonardo “Macarrao” Mafra Teixeira, Delson “Pe de Chumbo” Heleno, Francisco “Massaranduba” Drinaldo, Renee Forte

Team Vitor: [FEATHERWEIGHTS] Hugo “Wolverine” Viana, Anistavio “Gasparzinho” Medeiros, Godofredo “Pepey” de Oliveira, Rodrigo Damm, [MIDDLEWEIGHTS] Cezar “Mutante” Ferreira, Daniel Sarafian, Sergio “Serginho” Moraes, Thiago “Bodao” Rela

(Fact: Don Frye charged each of these women a ZJ for this photo.)

For all the “creative” insults and red-blooded rants Chael Sonnen is able to come up with out of the blue, he will never hold a candle to the crass, old timey anecdotes of Don Frye. The man has more bravado than a Sherman tank full of other Sherman tanks, more wisdom than a Tibetan monk achieving Buddhahood, and would fight his own mother in your basement for a shot of Jack Daniels if you asked him correctly. He makes the Brawny man look like a metrosexual, and orders grilled bison when your mother takes him to that hip new Vegan restaurant in town. Matter of fact, Frye’s masculinity has grown so powerful that it even manifested itself in the greatest television character of all time: Ron fucking Swanson.

So you wouldn’t be surprised to learn that, during a recent interview with Sherdog’s “Savage Dog Show,” Frye was unrelenting in his mockery of everyone from Dana White to Brock Lesnar, unleashing a hellstorm of one liners that will surely make you feel like less of a man for not even having the gonads to dream them up.

First, let’s start with Frye’s assessment of the current UFC fighter pay scale:

Oh my God, it’s a crime. It’s a crime. You see some of these guys only getting two or three or six thousand dollars and you’ve got Dana bragging about having 30 Ferraris. Come on. You have a sponsor and he charges a sponsor what, a hundred and fifty grand to have your stuff on the fighter? That’s money he’s stealing from the fighter. Then he goes and he pays them two or three thousand dollars. That’s crazy.

Join us after the jump for more from the interview. Don’t worry, it only gets better.

(McCorkle vs. Heden round 1; round 2 is after the jump. Props: PVTHansen16)

Notably stacked for a regional card, Worldwide Mixed Martial Arts‘ debut event went down Saturday night in El Paso, Texas, and was highlighted by an upset in the main event and a handful of UFC vets smashing their way into the win column.

At this point, when Sean McCorkle gets booked against a smaller, doughier opponent with a journeyman’s record, we just assume that “Big Sexy” will bully his way to a first-round stoppage without much difficulty. But WMMA 1′s super-heavyweight main event didn’t go down like that. Though McCorkle (who tipped the scales at 312 pounds) came very close to finishing the 287-pound Brian Heden near the end of the first round, he blew his cardio wad in the process. With McCorkle barely able to lift his arms in round two, Heden was able to reverse a takedown, trap McCorkle’s left arm, and slug his way to a TKO victory. According to Danga, the announcer referred to the win as “the upset of the century.” (Somewhere, Gus Johnson is masturbating.) In a follow-up post on the UG, McCorkle lamented the cardio problems that have plagued his entire athletic career, credited Heden for showing up in “decent shape”* and vowed to retire if his cardio ever contributed to another loss.

In the co-main event, Karo Parisyan snapped a three-fight losing streak when he scored a unanimous decision over veteran Thomas Denny. Even more impressive, Drew Fickett snapped a four-fight losing streak when he choked out WEC/Bellator vet Kevin Knabjian, despite reports that Fickett was pretty well sauced throughout fight week. (Obviously, it could have been worse.)