Look at how clean shaven you are in this pic. I thought we were going to grow matching goatees, homie.

After years of wild speculation, it looks like the rumors are finally true. The UFC has announced that the organization has signed twenty-three year old Icelandic grappling phenom Gunnar Nelson. Nelson, who is 9-0-1 in MMA competition, has earned all victories by stoppage – eight of which came in the first round. Aside from a draw against John Olesen in his MMA debut, his only fight that made it to the second round was a second round knockout against Iran Mascarenhas back in 2008.

Although we’ve recently seen signings fall through before the fighter has made his UFC debut, it’s being reported that the Renzo Gracie black belt will face the Pascal Krauss, a twenty-five year old German with a decorated boxing background, at UFC on Fuel TV 5 on September 29. “Panzer” made his UFC debut at UFC 122 back in 2010, taking a unanimous decision over Mark Scanlon. However, Krauss would then sit out for seventeen months rehabilitating an injury. He lost his return bout against John Hathaway at UFC on Fox 3 back in May.

(Sonnen tries to remain calm while scanning for the nearest exit at the UFC 148 pre-fight press conference.) 

How the high and mighty have fallen, Potato Nation.

Just a few days after coming up short (again) against Anderson Silva at UFC 148, the rumors and speculations of what lies in store for middleweight contender Chael Sonnen have already begun to take on a life of its own. And at the forefront of those rumors, is the possibility that we may never see perhaps the greatest fight-hyper in the biz in the octagon again. Now, we aren’t normally quick to buy into retirement rumors that come in the immediate aftermath of a fight, even when they are coming from the fighters themselves. Because, as was the case for B.J. Penn and Jamie Varner, these supposed “retirements” were more or less a way of coping with the frustration that comes with of a string of losses (or in Sonnen’s case, a particularly hard loss to swallow), and were over before most of us compile a “Best of” list for either man. The jury is still out on how long Nick Diaz will hold out, but we’re guessing it will likely coincide with his recent suspension.

But regardless of the semi-thesis statement we’ve just laid before you, the head grappling coach at Xtreme Couture, Neil Melanson, feels that we may have seen the last of Sonnen for now. Melanson took over Sonnen’s UFC 148 training camp after Scott McQuary, Sonnen’s longtime head coach, suffered a heart attack a couple months back, and recently sat down with the ironically-titled Verbal Submission Radio to discuss Sonnen’s future in the sport:

Any time you’re a part of training camp or you’re friends with somebody and they lose, you just worry about them like, how are they gonna handle it mentally? Are they gonna come back from this? You know, I don’t know what Chael’s plans are, but I got a feeling he’s done fighting. I don’t know. I’ve just got a feeling he’s done. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think he was serious when he said, ‘If you beat me, I will leave forever,’ and there’s a very good chance of that.

(Props: fueltv)

After spending the night screaming himself hoarse, an “amped-up” (read: sweaty and half-drunk) Michael Bisping spent a few minutes with Ariel Helwani lobbying for a fight against Anderson Silva, on the grounds that he’d do a lot better against Silva than Chael Sonnen did on Saturday night. Why? Because he can wrestle and strike. And that’s pretty much it. The secret to beating Anderson Silva is basic well-roundedness, I guess. But Bisping’s greater motivation is simply to see how he’d stack up against the best in the world. Here’s how the Count broke down Silva vs. Sonnen 2, and his hopes for a future meeting with the Spider:

“Chael is an amazing wrestler, you know, he went to the Olympics I think. Not everybody can do that. I’m not that level of wrestler. I can wrestle a little bit, but I’m not like Chael Sonnen. But, I can kickbox a damn sight better than Chael Sonnen can. I won’t get knocked out in the second round like Chael Sonnen did. That’s a fact. [Silva] got wrestled to death in the first round, it was a massively dominant round for Chael Sonnen in the first round. But [Silva] does it every time, he proves why he’s the best. It doesn’t matter what happens in round one. It’s how the fight ends. And Anderson Silva, he pulled it off again. You’re a fool to bet against Anderson. He’s amazing.

“And for me, personally, I want to fight the guy because I want to see how I can do against him. I’ve beat a lot of guys, but I want to fight that guy. I think I can do better. And I’m never going to know that until I get in there with him. Yes, I want to fight him. Yes, I want to get paid for a title shot. I want the main event, I want all that. But for me, personally, for my mind and soul, I want to fight the guy to know how I would do. Because I think I can do better than Chael Sonnen did. In fact, I know I can do better than what Chael Sonnen did.”

Props: MMAfanmade.tumblr.com

Let’s get one thing straight: Last night’s co-main event was by no means a legacy-cementing fight. The legacies of both fighters had been cemented well before last night, with both Forrest Griffin and Tito Ortiz being very influential in the UFC’s push towards the mainstream, being involved in unforgettable fights and holding the light-heavyweight championship. While winning the trilogy would be a nice way to cap off an otherwise lackluster rivalry, it would be nothing more than another “W” in the grand scheme of things. Especially for Tito – while Forrest is arguably worthy of a Hall of Fame induction, Tito already has been inducted.

Which perhaps explained why Tito Ortiz seemed more aggressive throughout the fight: Forrest had little to lose, Tito had nothing to lose. While the aggression of “The People’s Champion” seemed to have Forrest Griffin on the verge of defeat a few times during the fight, in the end it wasn’t enough. For the majority of the fight, Griffin managed to outstrike Ortiz en route to the unanimous decision victory.

Really, there is little more to be said for the actual fight. Two aging veterans entered the cage and performed like aging veterans. Both men looked slow, both men gassed out early, and if it weren’t for the names involved, this fight would have had zero chance of taking home the $75k Fight of the Night honors. If you want to watch the fight again, watch the fight again - if you missed it, you didn’t miss much.

Vindication. (Photo: Mark J. Rebilas-US PRESSWIRE)

Love him or hate him, Chael Sonnen did what few other men in the sport have been able to accomplish: he made you believe he could take out Anderson Silva. Whether it was his pre-fight promises to dump the champion on his ‘prissy little ass’ or the ease with which he did so in the opening round, for the first time in a long time you doubted Silva’s invincibility. In a time when injuries and injunctions have quashed the UFC’s most emotionally-charged and meaningful fights, ‘The American Gangster’ would not shut his mouth until you were convinced that his fight mattered. To be fair, he never shut his mouth; it was shut for him.

For those who think he’s bad for the sport, you should have checked your pulse when he worked his way to mount. It raced. You should check the ticket sales for this event. It’s a new US record. You should think back to so many of Anderson’s other battles marred by inaction in the cage and indifference in the champ. They sucked. You don’t have to root for the bad guy, but someone has to lose these fights, and it may as well be a loud-mouthed son of a bitch who refers to himself in the third person.

Anderson may not be flying home with the pocket full of Sonnen’s teeth that he desired, but he will be toting an extra twelve pounds of gold. Though he may be slightly disappointed, he’ll have a much easier time getting through airport security.

(Right before this picture was taken, Chael asked Anderson to smell his finger. And yes, it smelled like steak sauce. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more from this set, click here.)

UFC 148 goes down this evening at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, and the stakes have never been higher — either Anderson Silva‘s historic middleweight title reign comes to an abrupt end, or all of Chael Sonnen’s limbs and teeth are about to be broken. Either way, we’re in for an interesting night.

Also on the card: Tito Ortiz bids us farewell with a rubber-match against his old buddy Forrest Griffin, Demian Maia makes his welterweight debut against Dong Hyun Kim, and Cung Le tries to rebound against the returning Patrick Cote.

Live round-by-round results from the “Silva vs. Sonnen 2″ pay-per-view main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of Elias Cepeda. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please toss in your own two cents in the comments section.

By George Shunick

There must be something about early July that gets Americans riled up at the British. This year it’s former Marine (not Army, as I mistakenly implied last time) Brian Stann who is ready to do battle with vile, pasty British person Michael Bisping. Ok, so if you want to get technical about it, Bisping kind of called out Stann first. Whatever. The point is that Stann is the latest in a long line of Americans who have stood against this insufferable British menace.

Now, I try not to devolve into hyperbole, but I think it’s safe to say that since his humiliating loss to Dan Henderson, Michael Bisping has had one thing on his mind – the destruction of America itself. Though presumably suffering through the devastating aftereffects of the H-Bomb, Bisping bided his time with a detour through a few Brazilians, where he met with mixed success. When he was ready, he returned to the rebellious colonies, determined to finish the war his forefathers had started centuries ago.

His first strike against Dan Miller went largely unnoticed; there was no reason to suspect Bisping would dare take any further action against America. Bisping then took on Japan’s Yoshiro Akiyama, which seemed to cement this theory – but is it a coincidence that Japan, Akiyama’s home country, is under the protection of American troops? I think not. Bisping became more brazen after this conquest, challenging Army veteran and Tim Kennedy training partner Jorge Rivera. Rivera admirably attempted to subvert the devious Brit’s diabolical scheme using psychological warfare, but it backfired in brutal fashion. Bisping was befuddled by Rivera’s tactics to the extent that he forgot the rule against kneeing the head of a downed opponent, leading to Rivera’s demise. Bisping also forgot common decency and sportsmanship, a staple of British culture from all accounts, and proceeded to spit at Rivera’s corner in the heated aftermath of the fight. Or he was never aware of them to begin with. Either way, his anti-American agenda was made clear.

(The time for talk is over…but we still bugged Chael for one last quote before he rematches Anderson)

Anderson Silva can deny it all he wants, but Chael P. Sonnen has gotten inside his head. After years of Sonnen antagonizing the middleweight champion, Silva has appeared to snap emotionally.

First, “The Spider” lashed out at the challenger with threats during a recent conference call promoting their UFC 148 rematch taking place Saturday night, and then on Friday he got in Sonnen’s face at the weigh ins in Las Vegas and hit him on the chin with a shoulder strike.

“Chael no respect nothing. Chael no respect [the] UFC, Chael no respect my country,” a fired up Silva told Joe Rogan moments after weighing in and striking Chael on stage. “Tomorrow, I go to fight.”

Sonnen appeared unmoved on stage after Silva’s surprise shoulder strike, leaving his hands up and standing stone-faced. We spoke with Sonnen a couple hours after the weigh in and asked him if he’d expected Silva to do something like that after all his trash talk, and if the shoulder bump had revved him up even more to fight his nemesis.

Sonnen had received an IV to help him rehydrate and begin recovering from his twenty pound water weight loss in just twenty four hours at that point and said he that he was done talking – But not without one last golden nugget of hype before going to war tomorrow…

(Video: YouTube.com/UFC)

More so than any of the punches ‘The American Gangster’ landed on the champion during their first encounter, it’s been his incessant jabs since that evening that have caused the most damage. It may have taken a couple of years of unrelenting taunts, but Chael Sonnen has finally gotten under Anderson Silva’s skin. Never underestimate the heart of a pretend champion.

Two weeks ago we saw Anderson’s cool demeanor begin to fade with promises of extreme violence against Sonnen. Things escalated on Tuesday with the champion violating Sonnen’s personal space, a press conference faux pas if ever there was one. Last night, however, the uncannily smooth Brazilian officially lost his cool, popping Sonnen with a shoulder to the face as the two squared off at the weigh-ins. I’m not sure if Brazil has area codes, but if so it’s safe to say which one Silva’s repping.

If you aren’t pumped for this fight, you’re dead inside. Actually, if you read this site, you’re probably already dead inside. So…just enjoy the fight, alright?

Full weigh-in results after the jump.

(This time around, the UFC’s marketing department is looking to drive home the notion that sex sells once and for all.) 

By Dan “Get off Me” George

In the immortal words of Bruce Buffer, “It’s Time!”

On the eve of perhaps the most anticipated UFC rematch in history, I hope to bring my fellow CP readers some insight on how to save your kneecaps from the bookies and perhaps even make a buck or two by trying to follow my logic with regards to potential winners and losers for UFC 148.

For the sake of brevity, I’d like to focus on the dogs. The real money is made betting on the underdogs, and besides, there is nothing more exciting than watching a guy like Alan Belcher twist and turn his way out of certain demise en route to cashing out at three times the amount you originally placed on him (Ed note: Way to rub it in, Dan).

All of our betting odds for this week’s enabler come courtesy of BestFightOdds, so let’s get it on!

Undercard:

Shane Roller (-195) vs. John Alessio (+180)

I like Roller here, the price is fair and I do not see Alessio being able to do much but play defense in this fight. Look for Roller to pull out a decision while Alessio finds himself on the bottom or defending takedowns for the majority of the contest, not unlike his most recent decision loss to Mark Bocek at UFC 145. Simple.

Constantinos Philippou (-175) vs. Riki Fukuda (+165)

This line has moved in favor of Fukuda slightly over the past 24hrs, showing that the public likes Fukuda more and more as the small underdog. I like Philippou if for nothing more than his performance against Court McGee, a fighter similar to Fukuda who likes to move forward and press the action. Philippou has ever-improving takedown defense and better striking than Fukuda, specifically with his hands, and I like him to stop Fukuda’s takedowns and make him pay with his fists.

(Props: FilmDrunk)

I know what you’ve all been thinking this week. You’ve been thinking “This whole pissed off and angry Anderson Silva is a frightening change of pace, and the press conference was fun I guess, but damn it, I need to know how Steven Seagal will take credit for all of this!” Well don’t worry, person who doesn’t exist – you won’t have to wait until after the fight to find that out.

Ariel Helwani caught up with Cockpuncher to discuss Anderson Silva’s upcoming rematch with Chael Sonnen. After appearing reluctant to give the mere mortal an interview, Seagal explained how Silva’s intense new attitude is entirely his doing. And those concerns you may be having over The Spider’s emotions affecting his performance? Don’t worry, Seagal has an answer for that, too.

Videos (Yes, multiple) after the jump.

(Guys, seriously, you gotta stop this or I’m gonna have a harder time hiding this erection than Jean-Claude Van Damme.) 

By George Shunick

This weekend, the MGM Grand Garden Arena will host the most highly anticipated fight this year when middleweight champion Anderson Silva faces off against, err, “middleweight champion” Chael P. Sonnen. As we all know, Sonnen was the man who almost took Silva’s title at UFC 117, dismantling the champion through punishing ground and pound and even rocking MMA’s greatest striker on the feet before succumbing to a triangle choke after winning the previous 23 minutes of the fight. Following the fight, it was revealed Silva fought with a badly injured rib and Sonnen had a testosterone to epitestosterone ratio of 16.9 to 1. Regardless, due to Sonnen’s trash talk and how close their last fight was, this fight has the potential to be one of the best fights of the summer.

However, will this be the “biggest rematch in the history of the business,” as Sonnen claims? Maybe, but I doubt it. You could argue Lesnar-Mir II is more likely to be successful financially, or that Liddell-Ortiz II or Liddell-Couture II/III were more culturally significant for a burgeoning sport, but virtually all lacked such a compelling narrative or contained the level of talent featured here. Moreover, in hindsight, they were rather one-sided matchups. Edgar-Maynard II and III were probably of a higher caliber that Silva-Sonnen II will be, simply by virtue of being two of the greatest fights in the history of the sport, but lacked the hype and context that this matchup possesses.

This matchup has the potential to rank alongside Fedor-Nogueira III, which saw the two greatest heavyweights in MMA history – and the two top-ranked heavyweights at that time – fight for the Pride heavyweight title; both fights possess a historic air about them, feature top level talent, and take place within the narrative framework of a rivalry. But I still think the gold standard for a rematch will remain Jackson-Silva II, which had every ingredient you could wish for in a rematch turned up to 11. It had two of the greatest fighters in MMA history, in one of the greatest rivalries in MMA history, in one of the greatest fights in MMA history, culminating in one of the greatest knockouts in MMA history. Suffice it to say, Sonnen-Silva II has a lot to accomplish to validate Sonnen’s comments.

Written (along with Hostel’s Eli Roth), directed, and starring RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan, the first trailer for The Man with the Iron Fists hit the interwebs recently, and we gotta say, it looks like Kill Bill fucked The Raid: Redemption in the remains of Game of Death. In a good way.

Starring such MMA stars as Cung Le and Dave Bautista *snicker*, as well as the likes of Russel Crowe and Lucy Liu, The Man with the Iron Fists IMDB page lists the synopsis of the film as such:

In feudal China, a blacksmith who makes weapons for a small village is put in the position where he must defend himself and his fellow villagers.

And that position is apparently a seven clan battle that quite possibly carries out tournament style. If Bloodsport, The Quest, or really any movie in Jean-Claude Van Damme’s career has taught us anything, it’s that the tournament setup is far and away the greatest movie formula ever invented. And hey, our favorite San Shou practitioner appears at the 1:09 mark, where he delivers a monologue that literally must have taken days to remember.

I shouldn’t have to point out (but am going to anyway) that the film also appears to have hot Asian chicks in decreasing amounts of clothing. Lord knows I’m in based on that alone, but how about yous?

-J. Jones

(Its a trap.)

Some of Chael P. Sonnen’s recent statements in advance of UFC 148 this Saturday almost make sense. Almost. Speaking to the media about the rash of recent injuries and subsequent match-up shuffling in the UFC, Chael said that he believed any fighter that pulls out of a fight because of injury should have it counted as a loss on his or her professional record.

“I think there should be forfeiture,” he told MMA Junkie. ”It’s not realistic with the architecture that we have, but we’re the only sport where you can just not show up. Every event is set. The Super Bowl for 2015. The kickoff time, the venue — it’s set. If one team doesn’t want to show up, a Super Bowl champion will be crowned that day.”

On one hand, it’s worth examining if the recent wave of UFC injuries is the result of fighters pulling out of scheduled matches simply because they feel their health is less than 100%, and they might be more competitive at a later date. The reality is, everybody fights injured, and pulling out of a fight just because you’re a little banged up is a way of gaming the system, and screws the fans out of fights they already paid to see.

On the other hand, Sonnen’s analogy falls apart almost immediately. Athletes can and do pull out of competition due to injury in every single sport on the planet. This includes the aforementioned Super Bowl, where players on teams that have made it to the big game often miss out because of injuries they’ve sustained. And just as the Super Bowl still goes on when players get injured, UFC title bouts still happen when an opponent pulls out. It just might not be the title fight that was originally scheduled.

(This pretty much says it all.) 

Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.

And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.

Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.

Video after the jump. 

(Four badasses…and Tim Tebow. / Click for full-size version. Props: TerezOwens)

- Michael Bisping Says Chael Sonnen Will Defeat Anderson Silva at UFC 148 (BleacherReport/MMA)

- Mike Tyson Says MMA Fighters Should Be Paid More, But Warns of Predatory ‘Scumbags’ (MMAFighting)

- Britney and Arianny’s Exclusive 4th of July Photo Shoot (The Chive)

- Video: Chael Sonnen Watches Himself Lose to Anderson Silva at UFC 117 (MMAMania)

- Chad Mendes Says Loss To Jose Aldo Helped Him, Discusses Aldo vs. Koch (Fightline)

- Strikeforce Champ Rousey Enlists Lucia Rijker as Striking Coach Ahead of Kaufman Bout (MMAJunkie)

- The Top 5 UFC Rematches Of All Time (HeavyMMA)

- Chael Sonnen Says He’ll Die Without TRT (FightersOnly)

- The Sickest Athletes of the 2012 NBA Draft (MensFitness)

- DV Hottie of the Week: Genevieve, a Gorgeous Blonde (DoubleViking)

- How Will Scientology Assassinate Katie Holmes? A Screen Junkies How-To (ScreenJunkies)

- 7 Reality Shows That Could Be the Best Shows Ever (HolyTaco)

(Yeah, baby. Get ready to see a whole lot of Tiequan Zhang.)

After talking about it for two years, the UFC has finally moved forward with plans to hold their first event in China. Promotion officials announced earlier this week that UFC on FUEL 6 will be held November 10th in Macau, at the 15,000-seat Venetian Macau Resort Hotel’s CotaiArena. Said Mark Fischer, UFC managing director of Asia:

“This event is a major step in the development of the UFC brand in this region of the world and China in particular. We are delighted by this opportunity to build on the media growth and attention we have received and to finally bring a live event in prime time to the millions of fans in this area.”

No bouts have been announced for the fall event yet, although one big name has already offered to step up, and will obviously be shot down:

(Hey, at least they’re actually doing something on this season of Whale Wars.) 

A congratulations is in order to those of you who managed to submit an entry for our “Pull No Punches” caption contest; all 134 of you. If this contest showed us anything, it’s that when it comes to comedy, or at least an attempt at it, you Taters are some like-minded SOB’s. There were at least 95 horsemeat jokes (including one likely hipster who thought ironically pointing out this fact would somehow win him a shirt), 20 some odd Anthony Johnson or B.J. Penn jokes (which are always solid), and a handful of Over the Top references (which were actually pretty awesome). Since we enjoyed scanning through your entries as much as the UFC enjoys scanning through our articles to keep us in check, we must first recognize some of the captions that just fell short of T-shirt glory.

franco3445: The Nevada State Athletic Commission came to the conclusion that the only way Overeem could compete with the T/E ratio of 14 men was to go against someone the size of 14 men.

skeletor: There is no fucking way that Anthony Johnson is making weight this time.

P2: They smiled when they realized, if you use your left hand, it totally does feel like someone else is arm wrestling.

Deadpanda: Not to be outdone by the Japanese New Year’s Freak Show, US promoters put together a 4th of July event between Alistair Overeem & Joseph Son’s inflamed right testicle.

RwilsonR: We all know BJ lets himself go between fights, but I had no idea he stops shaving his back.

mcw89138: Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the new main event for UFC 149.

BossNasty: Reem…It’s not polite to play with your food.

And now, to the winners…

(Props: UFC)

At last, UFC middleweight contender Chael Sonnen pulls back the curtain to confirm that the “mean streets” of West Linn, Oregon, weren’t really that mean after all. LOL, etc., but can we take a moment to appreciate what a legitimately talented comedic actor Chael is? The pause at 0:27-0:33, the delivery of the “hundred grand” line at 1:27 — the man’s got a future in showbiz after Anderson Silva ends his MMA career this Saturday.

Seriously, TBS is giving away sitcoms to chuckleheads like Danny Masterson and Steve Byrne. Why not Chael Sonnen?

After the jump: A video response from the #1 dumbest broad on the Internet.

(From L-R: Claude Patrick, political kiss of death Dana White, Brian Ebersole)

Is this kind of thing even newsworthy anymore? The UFC 149 injury curse has gone from eerie to apocalyptic to as dependable as the rising sun. The latest victim: Canadian welterweight Claude Patrick, who has pulled out of his bout with James Head due to an undisclosed injury. Patrick will be replaced on less than three weeks’ notice by chest-hair artist Brian Ebersole, who just increased his UFC record to 4-0 with a decision win over TJ Waldburger at UFC on FX: Maynard vs. Guida last month. Coincidentally, Ebersole also holds a win over Claude Patrick, in a split-decision at UFC 140.

The latest withdrawal pushes UFC 149′s injury body-count to nine: Yoshihiro Akiyama, Thiago Silva, Thiago Alves, Michael Bisping, Jose Aldo, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, George Roop, Siyar Bahadurzada, and now Claude Patrick. If you include fighters who were moved off the card when their opponents came down with injuries (Mauricio Rua, Erik Koch), we’ve entered double-digit territory in terms of lineup changes. To paraphrase Tom Wright, the UFC’s director of operations for Canada, shit happens.

UFC 149 goes down July 21st at Scotiabank Saddledome in Calgary. Urijah Faber vs. Renano Barao is still the headliner, and Hector Lombard vs. Tim Boetsch is still the co-main event. We’ll let you know as soon as that changes.

(Little known fact: The original version of America the Beautiful contained a fifth verse about Don Frye’s shorts.)

In honor of our country’s 236th birthday, we’ve got a special CagePotato Roundtable discussion for you guys: Who was the greatest American MMA fighter of all time? Because let’s face it, America is exceptional, and we produce the best goddamned fighters in the world. SORRY LIBERAL MEDIA, I SAID IT. Enjoy, and if you have an idea for a future Roundtable topic, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com. And hey, be careful with those bottle rockets, okay?

Ben Goldstein
 

What do MMA legends Chuck Liddell, Matt Hughes, Tito Ortiz, Kazushi Sakuraba, Wanderlei Silva, Randy Couture, and Mark Coleman have in common? They all started their careers within 11 months of Dan Henderson‘s professional debut in June 1997. And where are those guys now? Retired, pretty much retired, retiring this weekend, completely washed up, close to retirement, retired, and retired unless Herschel Walker picks up the phone. Meanwhile, Hendo is preparing for his next title fight in September. Does the TRT help? Sure, though I don’t think you can credit Henderson’s heart, balls, and H-bomb power to a little hormonal help. (You also have to give some props to the Jam Gym.)

I’d stack Dan’s accomplishments up against any other fighter in this roundtable discussion — the unprecedented two-division title reign in PRIDE, the five single-night tournament sweeps, the stunning knockouts of Wanderlei Silva, Michael Bisping, and Fedor Emelianenko — but what makes him America’s MMA G.O.A.T. is his incredible longevity. Dan Henderson has been a top-ten fighter longer than anybody else in the history of the sport. I can only think of two other MMA fighters who started their careers 15 years ago who are still considered viable stars, and neither of them are American: Vitor Belfort, whose career was plagued by long stretches of injury and inconsistency, and Anderson Silva, who’s a freakish exception to any rule.

(So I sez to da brod, “I want to f*ck Chuck!“)

By Jason Moles

Happy Independence Day, Potato Nation! In honor of today’s festivities we figured it was time once again to switch things up around here. For starters, we’re not going to tell you that the fight you were looking forward to has been rescheduled/tweaked/cancelled due to injury, nor will we bog you down with the latest trash talk between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen. Instead, let’s play a patriotic game. We’ll give you a list of quotes and then you decide who said it, either a founding father or a famous (and I’m using that word lightly) MMA fighter. The answer key is on the next page. Let’s begin!

1. “Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” Was this A.) Diego Sanchez or B.) Ben Franklin

2. “I let go of the disappointments and setbacks in my life and hang on to the promises of God for my future.” Was this A.) Phil Baroni or B.) John Adams

3. “And to think, there are still places in the world where man has not been, where he has left no footprints, where the mysteries stand secure, untouched by human eyes. I want to go to these places, the quiet, timeless, ageless places, and sit, letting silence and solitude be my teachers.” Was this A.) Evan Tanner or B.) Thomas Jefferson

4. “I have not yet begun to fight!” Was this A.) Jon Jones or B.) John Paul Jones

(Nelson becomes the first man ever to successfully narfle the Garthok at the 2009 ADCC Absolute trials.) 

Crank up the Bjork and start cubing up the Hakarl, because it appears that Icelandic BJJ phenom and undefeated prospect Gunnar Nelson is headed to the UFC.

The 23 year-old welterweight is undoubtedly one of the hottest prospects outside of the UFC, collecting a perfect 9-0-1 record with just one of those wins making it outside of the first round. Nelson has not been to the scorecards since his debut fight — a draw against John Oleson — and has collected six of his nine stoppage wins by way of submission. FightersOnly were the first to break the news, stating that several close sources had already confirmed this report, though an official announcement from inside Nelson’s camp has yet to be made. There have been several rumors claiming that Nelson was headed to the UFC over the past few years, but this time it seems to be happening for serial.

After acquiring his BJJ black belt in just four years, Nelson first burst onto the MMA scene back in 2007, and gained incredible notoriety in 2009 when he defeated the much larger, multiple-time ADCC medalist and UFC veteran Jeff Monson in the first round of the 2009 ADCC Absolute trials. Nelson most recently scored a first round submission via armbar over Alexander Butenko back in February, his fourth straight to come by way of first round submission.

We know some of you Taters have been clamoring about Nelson for what feels like ages now, so it’s good to know that we might finally be able to see just what this kid is capable of in the near future. As will be the case with Hector Lombard and our buddy Ryan Jimmo, 2012 is looking like it could be a make or break year for prospects outside the UFC.

Lucky for you, CagePotato and Youtube have combined their powers to compile an extensive look at Nelson’s background, which awaits you below.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Yes, Anderson Silva initiated contact. Yes, he appeared to lunge in for a kiss at the 1:05:35 mark. Yes, it took Dana White and two other dudes to hold him back. By comparison, Chael Sonnen was cool as a cucumber during the climactic staredown at today’s UFC 148 press conference. Congrats, buddy, you’re in his head. Now what?

Update: An edited version with audio is after the jump, courtesy of MMAFighting.

(“Mr. Jones, you mean to tell this court that the only thing you’ve learned in our alcohol education program is that ‘white bitches love fruity shit’?”)

For the second time since his May 19th arrest for drunk driving, UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones has requested — and was granted — a delay for his sentencing date. Jones appeared in Binghamton City Court this morning where he and his attorney Thomas D. Jackson claimed that Jones needs more time to complete his court-mandated alcohol abuse and dependency evaluation. (By the way, it’s only a two-day program, but Jones has just been super busy lately, you know? Super busy.)

Judge Daniel L. Seiden granted the request, and rescheduled Jones’s sentencing to July 31st. The MMA star has already pleaded guilty to his DWI charge, and is expected to receive a one-year conditional discharge and a fine of up to $1,500 in a plea agreement. He’ll also be required to install ignition interlock devices in his vehicles, pay restitution for damages, and attend a victim impact class.

Following his court appearance today, Jones released the following statement through the law firm representing him:

(It may not be the most conventional fight attire, but we’ll give Miesha a ton of fap style points for the effort.) 

It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a few short months since Miesha Tate nearly had her arm torn in two by Ronda Rousey in the their bantamweight championship showdown on March 3rd. It was undoubtedly one of the most heated (not to mention hyped) fights in WMMA history, and did not disappoint once the caged door closed. As it turns out, despite the fact that Meisha ended up coming short and losing her belt in the process, the fight didn’t even come close to squashing the beef between her and Rousey. How appropriate then, that it was recently announced that the former champ has been booked to take on Julie Kedzie at the same event that Rousey will attempt to defend her belt for the first time against Sarah Kaufman.

Is this just an attempt by Strikeforce to pack as many exciting fights as possible into their ever-decreasing number of cards, or rather an elaborate ploy to set up another post fight brawl that will in turn hype the inevitable rematch between Rousey and Tate?

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

If you’re a stats geek, this new UFC 148 promo clip will give you a raging nerd-boner. In dissecting the rivalry between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen, we learn the following:

- Before his first fight with Sonnen at UFC 117, Anderson Silva had been hit a combined 166 times by his previous 11 UFC opponents. Sonnen landed on him 320 times. (Each of these must have counted as two.)

- Sonnen has actually out-landed all of his opponents in the UFC and WEC. Unfortunately, he’s also allowed 18 serious submission attempts during his UFC fights, which places him 3rd on the all-time list. We’re guessing he’ll never catch up to Melvin Guillard.

- Silva’s triangle/armbar submission of Sonnen 23:10 into their fight was the latest stoppage in UFC history.

- Sonnen’s 34 takedowns in the Octagon place him at #1 among middleweights.

- Sonnen is the “World’s Best Trash Talker,” which has been scientifically proven by the researchers at CompuTrash.

After the jump: Sonnen discusses the training camp support he gets from his mother/co-conspirator, and the full video of Sonnen’s UFC 136 smashing of Brian Stann.

(Props: ITSSHOWTIME via MiddleEasy. The big reveal comes at the 0:49 mark.)

We usually judge fucked-up noses on a scale of Owen Wilson to Ryan McGillivray — but Rustemi Kreshnik may have just redefined what’s possible. Over the weekend, the Albanian heavyweight kickboxer got his nose kneed halfway around his face by Mourad Bouzidi at It’s Showtime 57 in Brussels, Belgium. As the color-man puts it, “That’s gonna have to be put back in place.” Oh do you think so, doctor?

We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, we’re so busy trying to report on the day-to-day happenings of the MMA world that we occasionally (re:often) lose sight of some of the benefits of being an MMA site that dabbles in everything from lowbrow to subpar comedy. Mainly, our ability to give out free shit to the funniest Taters trolling the comments sections (or the forums if they are really, really lonely).

That’s why we are proud to announce that, in honor of our mobile site finally being up and running, we will be bringing back the caption contests and comments of the week on a regular basis here at CagePotato, in the hopes that you guys will stop treating us like the goth kid with psoriasis at the MMA lunch table. Believe it or not, as sour as your opinions often are, we still enjoy hearing them, especially when they come in the form of a relentlessly dark or unnecessarily crass assessment of a candid photo.

Our newest caption contest awaits you after the jump, and we will be giving our signature “We Pull No Punches” shirts (pictures below) to the top three entries. So feel free to swing for the fences on this one as many times as your heart desires.

And today’s photo is…

(R.I.P Mike in Brazil.) 

Fearection: 1) Sexual arousal combined with a feeling of intimidation and uncertainty, generally provoked by powerful/forceful women who are physically attractive. 2) The act of God himself striking fear into your erection. 3) An erection rooted in an unexpected response to the fight or flight mechanism.

One of these definitions, or perhaps a little bit of each of them, best described our reaction when we came upon these recent pictures of former Strikeforce women’s featherweight champion Christiane “Cyborg” Santos Justino. Because, although our immediate reaction to hearing that the newly single Cyborg was snapped by Globo.com in a series of bikini shots was to shut down our computers, throw them from the top of the highest building in town, and renounce the Internet for life, after actually taking a look at them, we must say that she is looking rather…healthy (?) these days. Sure, it’s not going to get your engine revving like a Gina Carano GQ shoot, but dare we say that Cyborg almost looks doable in a couple of these (Ed note: We know, that statement is now committed to the Internet archives forever). Looks like you done fucked up, Evangelista.

Check out a full gallery of her photos after the jump. Don’t worry, it’s not with our picture viewer.