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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

August, 2012

Must-See Video: Joe Rogan on Ali, Tyson, Jordan, and the ‘Madness of Excellence’


(Props: MischiefMaker37 via TheUG)

I really do believe that madness and excellence are just next door neighbors.”

So says Joe Rogan in this fascinating highlight reel focusing on a trio of “extreme winners” — Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, and Michael Jordan — narrated by clips from Rogan’s podcast. Rogan proposes that “a lot of success in athletics comes down to almost like a psychosis. At a real high level of anything, there’s a certain amount of almost crazy behavior to get to this incredible position…there’s a madness.”

Over the clips covering each athlete’s monumental career, Rogan shares his thoughts about the behavior and performances of each athlete, and what made them such outliers in professional sports. Maybe this is only tangentially related to MMA, but if you’re interested in Ali and Tyson, and the mental edges (or disorders?) that make athletic legends so different from the rest of humanity, you’ll want to watch this.

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Jon Jones Publicity Nightmare of the Day: In Which Bones Asks Dana to Make Chael Stop Mocking Him


(“Okay, new plan. We change our names, cross the border into Mexico, and open a bar on a nice beach somewhere. Nobody ever has to know about what happened here. Twenty years from now, we’ll be laughing about it.”)

If you’re one of the last remaining Jon Jones supporters on Earth, it must seem that we’re just piling on at this point — like we wake up every morning searching for new ways to drag down the UFC light-heavyweight champ and steal his swag. But honestly, this stuff finds us. And as much as I’d rather spend my time on more relevant MMA coverage, I just can’t let this one go. Here’s an unbelievable detail from a new Wrestling Observer article, passed along by BloodyElbow:

Jones was very upset after Chael began calling him out and mocking him on Twitter, going as far as to contact [UFC president Dana] White and ask him to tell Chael to stop.

Let’s just state the obvious, here — this is the kind of thing a child would do. And it’s the last thing Jones needs at a moment when many MMA fans already view him as a coward for the way he wouldn’t accept a fight against Sonnen on short notice. (Once again, Chael’s ability to get inside a rival’s head is astounding, and he just picked up a boatload of new ammunition for their inevitable fight. And yes, Jones vs. Sonnen will happen someday. Dana dislikes Jones too much and loves money too much for it not to happen.)

Meanwhile on the UG, Joe Rogan made a post trying to put the recent Jon Jones hate-orgy into perspective:

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21 MMA Ring Girls Who Have Posed Nude: A NSFW Celebration


(Nice try, Kelli. The sign out front clearly says “NO HAND BRA.”)

Since it’s been a relatively slow news week, we figured it was time to put together a gallery that’s been on our to-do list for some time — a definitive collection of every notable MMA ring girl who has posed nude. And we don’t mean that “implied nude“ bullshit, or that cutesy rear-view-only stuff. We mean fully naked, with boobies and everything. Use the “next page” links or the links below to navigate through the gallery, and keep in mind that the NSFW photos will be linked off of those landing pages, to further guard against embarrassing misunderstandings at work.

Amii Grove
Arianny Celeste
Ashley Nicole Arthur
Ashley Salazar
Ayumi Sogawa
Brandy Brewer
Brittney Palmer
Chandella Powell
Danielle Loveland
Hayley Sams
Iryna Ivanova
Jade Bryce
Jordan Daniele
Juliana Salimeni
Logan Stanton
Maria Melilo
Paige Chapman
Paizly Contreras
Poppy Thompson
Rachelle Leah
Rhian Sudgen

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Poll: Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko…Would You Like to See It?


(Five minutes later, Lesnar whipped up a fabulous vulture shit salad and the two feasted for days. Photo props go to the UG.)

Here’s what you need to know: a UGer by the screenname hmb recently reached out to UFC President Dana White and asked whether or not The Baldfather thought he could sign Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko in the near future. Improbable, we know. But being a man of the people, DW actually responded to the anonymous question with a question of his own:

Is this the fight u guys want to see? Post a thread asking if people want to see this fight.

Although the likelihood of this pairing ever coming to fruition is beyond implausible, the response was an overwhelming “yes.” And since the popular subject on CP today seems to be fantasy matchups and whether or not we’d actually want to see them, why not partake in a little more needless speculation?

We’ve added a poll after the jump to gauge your level of excitement for this potential match. Vote if you’d like to, and feel free to argue over who would win and how in the comments section. Seriously, we love it when you argue.

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[VIDEO] Deadmau5 Snags a UFC Sponsorship, Then Pisses All Over It In Latest Music Video


(We should be surprised that not ONE of those dudes is checking out Arianny’s ass, right?) 

I’m going to come right out and say it: I don’t get Dubstep. It’s loud and annoying for the sake of being loud and annoying, and 95% of the songs I have heard seem to aimlessly drift between bass drops and cartoonish, cookie-cutter sound effects blatantly lifted from “artist” to “artist” before coming to a crashing, albeit relieving end. In my opinion, Dubstep is little more than the musical personification of the ever-increasing laziness and style-over-substance attitude of current American society. It is the genre Michael Bay would have created if he wasn’t too busy giving the world cinematic diabetes. So on a musical level, I find pretty much everything that the character known as deadmau5 has created to be utterly incompetent horseshit.

And it appears that his music video for the track “Professional Griefers,” which somehow managed to snag the endorsement of the UFC, falls right in line with that belief.

Not only does the video portray MMA fans as drunken, inbred rednecks, but this Dead Mouse feller even has the balls to replace legendary UFC announcer Bruce Buffer with some roided-up neanderthal behind the mic. But hey, IT’S GOT COMPUTER ANIMATED FIGHTS AND CRASHBOOMRAWR, YOU GUYS!! And Arianny Celeste’s breasts even make an appearance, so it’s all good!

Video after the jump. 

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Holy Sh*t, Tim Sylvia vs. Andrei Arlovski Is the Most Relevant Fight This Weekend in 2012!?


At least Tim Sylvia still has a remotely athletic physique from the chins up.

When I woke up this morning, Lafayette was beginning to take on water, a two hundred pound athlete was destroying fools in sumo wrestling, and Tim Sylvia vs. Andrei Arlovski was the most relevant fight taking place this weekend. Wait…this guy? And this guy? The most relevant fight of the weekend?! Naturally, the first thing I did was check my calendar to make sure I didn’t somehow travel back in time to 2005- as most of you did after reading that last sentence, I’m sure. Upon realizing that yes, it is in fact 2012, I said “Fuck it,” ate a gallon of ice cream for breakfast, and went back to sleep. If the rest of the universe just doesn’t care anymore, then neither do I.

Since it’s all we have to look forward to this weekend, we might as well at least try to get excited about the relatively meaningless nostalgia fight with this video of Andrei Arlovski’s open workout for the local Philippine press. Arlovski introduces himself with an enthusiastic “How’s taste my pee pee?” as he does some light drilling with Travis Browne (yes, that Travis Browne). After some basic drills, Andrei Arlovski answers some questions for the local media. The Pitbull, bless his heart, avoids an uncomfortable rape reference by saying he’s going to “play proctologist” and stick his hand up Tim Sylvia’s ass during the fight – not in a sexual way, but in an “I am beating the shit out of you and want to make this as humiliating as possible” way. He then tells the media that he plans on knocking out Tim Sylvia during the fight, a strategy we’ve seen backfire on him before. Before the clip ends, he brings things up to 2007 by shouting “THIS IS SPARTA!” while everyone laughs.
Video is after the jump.

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Rest Assured, Bruce Buffer Is Dropping That “It’s Fight Time” Nonsense


(Perhaps the greatest “It’s time!” in UFC history. Thank you, Brazil.) 

I know it’s a pretty obvious fact to state, but I would be remiss if I did not tell you that Bruce Buffer is the greatest ring announcer to ever walk the face of this or any other planet, bar none. The man’s passion for his job is unmatched by his counterparts (sorry, Jimmy Lennon Jr., but you gotta step your shit up!), and his in-ring enthusiasm harnesses enough power and masculinity to immaculately conceive with over 90 percent of his audience, male or female, on any given night. Seriously, Buffer has the Howard Sternian ability to bring a woman to full climax using only the sound of his voice and a speaker with the bass cranked up, except when he does it, the woman throws herself into a volcano afterward. And as far as Buffer’s ocular presence goes; have you even seen the Buffer two-step? How about the Buffer 360? The man simply dominates in every medium he is presented with.

However, in the past couple UFC events, the Buffernation has noticed a infinitesimal, yet present crack in Bruce’s armor. Mainly, his decision to start saying “It’s fight time!” rather than his traditional “It’s time!” when introducing the main event. The audiences in attendance simply could not wrap their minds around this concept, and their reactions varied from this to this. Riots almost immediately broke out in downtown L.A after the world was greeted by this abomination at UFC on FOX 4, and many of us went as far as to claim that it was the exact moment the UFC reached its tipping point.

Thankfully, Lord Bruce has realized his mistake, which he attributed to “going through some marketing aspects” in a recent interview, and claims that we can all expect the classic “It’s time!” at the next UFC event. So rest assured, Potatoites, all is once again Yub Nub in the land of mixed martial arts.

After the jump: A behind-the-scenes look at the making of the Buffer 360, for nostalgia’s sake, and a tribute to the man behind it all.

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Quote of the Day: Anderson Silva Wants Superfight With Georges St. Pierre Regardless of Condit Fight Outcome


(A glimpse into a dystopian future, via ScienceofViolence)

Judging from this new article on SporTV, Anderson Silva‘s current hiatus from fighting is exactly what we thought it was — a way to avoid title defenses against low-profile contenders and hold out for something big. Namely, a superfight against UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre. Here’s what the Spider had to say about the fight he wants more than anything (translation via BloodyElbow):

Regardless of who wins, even if St. Pierre loses, a fight with me can happen. A fight like this is above anything else. St. Pierre is one of the greatest of the UFC. Right now, a fight with Condit is meaningless.”

“Meaningless”! That’s heel-talk, brother! GSP was recently medically cleared to take on interim champ Carlos Condit at UFC 154 (November 17th, Montreal), and even if the Canadian legend loses that fight, it’s safe to assume that fans would still turn out in droves to see St. Pierre fight Anderson Silva sometime next year.

Here’s my only problem: If Silva is putting off middleweight title defenses against deserving contenders in order to wait for a potential match against GSP — which could be held at a catchweight below 185 pounds — shouldn’t Silva relinquish his middleweight title to do so? I’m not going to hate on Andy for making the last fights of his career count, but his pursuit of big paydays shouldn’t put an entire division on hold, right? Dana White might need to step in and regulate, or else we could eventually be looking at another ridiculous interim champion situation, and nobody wants that.

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Video: 200-Pound Judo Player Destroys Group of Hopeless Fat-Bodies in Sumo Tournament


(Props: NYCulturalPhysician via RedditMMA)

The athletic gaijin in the video above is Pavel Bojar (aka Takanoyama Shuntaro), a Czech sumo wrestler who has worked his way into Japan’s top Makuuchi division, despite being one of the lightest competitors in modern sumo history. At 6’1″ and just 200 pounds, Bojar relies on his judo background to make up for the tremendous weight disadvantages he generally faces, employing a slick arsenal of throws and trips, rather than just bull-rushing his opponents out of the ring. Watch the above video to see how far a little bit of actual grappling talent can get you in this weird sport. Look, I’m not trying to crack on the rich history of Japanese sumo wrestling, but for God’s sake, check out the tits on the guy at the 1:52 mark, who had just finished falling out of the ring like a moron. This is an athlete? Ronda Rousey would ruin half of these guys.

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Classic Fight: Fedor Emelianenko vs. Mirko Cro Cop @ Pride Final Conflict 2005

As Reddit/MMA reminds us, today is the seventh anniversary of Fedor Emelianenko and Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic‘s meeting at PRIDE Final Conflict 2005, an instant classic that still ranks among the greatest heavyweight fights in MMA history. Emelianenko had already held the PRIDE heavyweight title for two-and-a-half years by the time he made his belt defense against Cro Cop, and entered the match with a PRIDE record of 10-0 with one no-contest. Meanwhile, Cro Cop had earned his shot at Fedor on the strength of a seven-fight PRIDE win streak that included victories over Alexander Emelianenko, Josh Barnett, Kevin Randleman, and Mark Coleman.

Though both fighters would later complain that they came into the fight less than 100% healthy, Emelianenko and Filipovic put on a thrilling war for the entirety of the three-round, 20-minute fight. Cro Cop started strong, breaking Fedor’s nose with punches and punishing him with kicks to the body, but Fedor regained momentum as Cro Cop’s cardio began to fade, slugging his way to a unanimous decision victory. It was Emelianenko’s toughest fight to that point, and arguably his most entertaining. As for Filipovic, he may have fallen short of the PRIDE heavyweight title that night, but his greatest career triumph was just around the corner.

After the jump: If you have the time to spare, the complete fight is below…

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