(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!) 

My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?

Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:

I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.

Whether you think Dan Henderson is the greatest American fighter in MMA history, or just an “older, slower version of Rashad Evans,” one thing’s indisputable — the man has paid his dues. Fifteen years after beginning his pro MMA career, Henderson is (once again) heading into the biggest fight of his life, this time against UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones at UFC 151 on September 1st. And as we usually like to do with our favorite fighters, we decided to pay tribute to the man by rounding up some of the best Hendo-related GIFs on the Internet. Check ‘em out after the jump, and let us know if you think the 5-1 underdog can shock the world in two weeks.

(Oh yes. Oh God, yes. / Video via slafy)

In their continuing efforts to stick it to the UFC, Spike TV has inked a deal with world-reknowned kickboxing organization K-1 to broadcast four live events on Spike.com through the end of this year, and a series of live events on the cable channel in 2013. As K-1 CEO Doug Kaplan explained in a press release distributed yesterday afternoon, “Spike is the perfect television home and stage to introduce our K-1 warriors and the fast-paced, aggressive style of K-1 fighting to fight fans across America.” Spike’s K-1 broadcasts next year will complement their coverage of Bellator Fighting Championships, though air-dates and times for the 2013 shows have yet to be announced.

Rumors of K-1′s demise have plagued the promotion since last year, but an American showcase on a channel that reaches nearly 100 million viewers could resuscitate the brand. Could K-1 be a “gold mine” for Spike, as Joe Rogan once suggested? After the jump, the full text of the press release, including more details on this year’s Spike.com/K-1 broadcasts.

(Jesus Christ, Joe, are you playing for the other team?! You don’t snipe in Carentan, saboteur!)  

Of all the seasons of The Ultimate Fighter to have produced upper-echelon fighters and title challengers at 155 lbs., who would’ve guessed that the season that coined the phrase “Wang and Bang” would one day rule them all? Not only is Nate Diaz next in line for a shot at Ben Henderson, but former title challenger Gray Maynard has just been booked to take on perennial contender Joe Lauzon in a battle that will easily launch the victor onto the short list of contenders at lightweight.

Then again, Sir Isaac Newton did state that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which might explain why Gabe Ruediger is getting his ass kicked by skateboarders these days.

After spending the entirety of 2011 feuding with former lightweight champion Frankie Edgar, which ended in his first career defeat, Maynard recently bounced back into the win column with a controversial split decision win over Clay Guida in the main event of UFC on FX 4. Although Maynard was thoroughly out-hustled for the majority of the fight, the significance of his offense in the latter rounds combined with Guida’s lack thereof was enough to earn him the nod.

Maynard will be facing the always entertaining Lauzon, who is currently 3-2 in his past five and most recently scored a third round triangle submission victory against former WEC champion Jamie Varner in their classic scrap at UFC on FOX 4. Lauzon has struggled in the past when facing top contenders, having dropped fights to Kenny Florian and Anthony Pettis in the past, but has also finished his opponents in all 22 of his victories. And although his cardio looked the best against Varner that it arguably ever has, there is no doubt that Maynard’s experience in the championship rounds will pay huge dividends if Lauzon isn’t able to put him away earlier.

After the jump: An update on Matt Hamill’s return to the octagon. Spoiler: His opponent just got a lot tougher.

(Subtract the fire extinguisher and a pair of trousers and this is basically what happened.) 

No one really knew what to say when news broke that Jason “Mayhem” Miller was arrested in an Orange County church after breaking in, stripping down, destroying the place, and showering the remains in fire extinguisher retardant. They may make pamphlets to tell us if our little Johnny is high, but they sure as shit don’t make them for that situation, and our apathy/confusion toward the news reflected this. Miller had found his way to the blotter before, but this arrest was simply too bizarre to take in all at once. If Rampage Jackson was an episode of World’s Wildest Police Chases, Mayhem was an entire season of Reno 911. Specifically, the episodes featuring Terry.

There was also the fact that we were still digesting the bowlful of crazy that Miller had spewed at Dana White just days before, which truly raised some eyebrows in regards to Miller’s general well being. He had made his history of mental issues public knowledge before, and many of us assumed that it was likely these problems rearing their ugly heads once again when he was arrested. But according to Miller, who released a statement today to address our concerns following his release last week, declared that “everything is fine.” Granted, he also said the same thing to DW just days before his arrest, so take this with a grain of salt. Miller released the following via his Facebook and Twitter.

(Yeah, it’s basically a teacher’s salary, but putting a smile on Judo Gene‘s face makes it all worthwhile.)

Strikeforce paid out $368,000 in total disclosed salaries to the fighters who competed on Saturday’s Rousey vs. Kaufman card, with Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza eating up over a quarter of the total, the greedy bastard. Actually, Souza’s $94,000 paycheck was odd in that his win bonus was only about 30% of his to-show money, rather than the full 100% that almost everybody else on the Zuffa payroll gets.

The night’s biggest star Ronda Rousey only earned a $40,000 purse — I know, ladies, I know — though it was still enough to put her in second place on the event’s cash-money leaderboard. Check out the full salary list after the jump, and keep in mind that these figures don’t include additional revenue from sponsorships and undisclosed “locker room bonuses,” or deductions for taxes, insurance, and license fees.

Ronda Rousey: $40,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus)
Sarah Kaufman: $17,000

Ronaldo Jacare Souza: $94,000 (includes $22,000 win bonus)
Derek Brunson: $13,000

(Beltran, as re-imagined by Sega.)

Last weekend’s Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman card was easily one of the most entertaining top-to-bottom cards in recent memory, providing us with a lightning quick (also, completely predictable) finish in the main event and an even quicker knockout in the co-main. But as is typical for a Strikeforce event, the night was not without controversy and a few judgmental errors. Herb Dean went completely against character when he botched the call in the Adlan Amagov/Keith Barry fight, and the decision to place former title challenger Meisha Tate’s comeback bout against Julie Kedzie on the prelims was nothing short of baffling.

But greater than witnessing Ronda Rousey‘s sixth straight first round armbar, greater even than OSP’s one-punch knockout of T.J. Cook, was that of referee Mike Beltran’s epic mustache. An “epistache” if you will. Why Beltran decided to become a referee instead of claiming his place atop the Whisker Wars podium is beyond us, but his hard work and dedication can not and will not be overlooked by us here at CagePotato. So join us after the jump for a brief GIF tribute to Beltran’s glorious stache, along with several gifs from the night’s fights, courtesy of the UG.

(Video via MachinimaPrime)

In MMA, as in life, you never want to leave it in the hands of the judges. The same rule applies for the absurd parody of a combat sport known as XARM. Up until now, we’ve just thought that XARM involved two guys swinging wild haymakers at each other with their hands tied together, but it turns out that you actually can win or lose by pin — just like in real arm-wrestling. And James Irvin recently learned that the hard way during his depressing promotional debut against XARM veteran  Fred “Big Cat” Steen.

Steen successfully pins Irvin’s arm in rounds one and two, meaning that Irvin needs a knockout in round three to win the match. And while the Sandman lands some good shots in that final frame, Steen spends much of the third round hanging back (literally), stalling his way to a decision win. Honestly, these goddamned point-fighters are ruining the sport.

I’d update the James Irvin “Why Me?” timeline, but who even cares at this point. For further viewing, watch this XARM profile of James Irvin, where Irvin explains that he works full-time at the UFC Gym (possibly alongside another legendary UFC striker), incorrectly claims that he still holds the UFC’s fastest knockout record, and bitches about his damn taxes.

(Props: AllTheBestFights)

Ronaldo Souza‘s recent fights have proven that his standup skills are catching up with his tremendous ability on the mat — and his striking improvement reached an important milestone on Saturday night, when he scored the first lights-out K.O. of his nine-year fight career.

“Jacare” faced 9-1 Jackson’s MMA product Derek Brunson on the main card of Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman, and in Liddell-esque fashion, Souza found his opponent’s chin with a back-pedaling counter-right that dumped Brunson on his face. A few more follow-up shots, and it was all over. Even more impressive than Souza’s finishing power was the fact that he stopped throwing as soon as he saw that Brunson was unconscious — even if referee Mike “Stache God” Beltran clearly wanted the fight to keep going.

But Souza vs. Brunson wasn’t the only great knockout from this weekend’s Strikeforce card. After the jump: Ovince St. Preux’s one-punch shutoff of T.J. Cook.

By Elias Cepeda

MMA fans have always wondered what would happen if the sport grew to the point where it could attract the types of elite athletes that have historically gone to, say, the NFL or the Olympics. Surely once that happened, we’d see a marked rise in athleticism and potential in the sport we all love.

Well, that new breed of elite MMA athlete has arrived. He isn’t the dominant and other worldly athletic Jon Jones. He isn’t the pound for pound great and all-around lethal weapon Georges St. Pierre. She’s Ronda Rousey.

The Strikeforce women’s bantamweight champion successfully defended her title again Saturday night against Sarah Kaufman. In about the last year and half the Olympic Judo bronze medalist Rousey has had her first six professional fights, winning all six by arm bar in the first round.

Kaufman couldn’t last a minute in the cage with Rousey before being forced to tap out. The thing is, Kaufman is a damn good fighter. So is Miesha Tate, Rousey’s prior victim.

Kaufman is a former champion and has only lost twice in her career. Tate has only lost three times. Both women have almost three times the professional MMA experience as Rousey.

“Rowdy” Ronda isn’t perfectly well-rounded yet. She hasn’t been tested in a fight yet and she simply hasn’t fought nearly as much as the women she faces. But she’s been able to dominate them all because she brings a lifetime of doing a couple things at a higher level than even most MMA champions have ever done anything.

(Props: jd45681 via fightvideomma. If this one goes down, there’s a backup after the jump.)

To quote ourselves: We’re not going to give away the winner of Ronda Rousey vs. Sarah Kaufman, but let’s just say it ended by armbar in the first round. Goodness gracious. If you missed our liveblog of tonight’s Strikeforce card, click here.

(“You want to go somewhere else? That creepy fat guy has been staring at us all night.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more pics from this set, click here.)

Tonight, we’re gonna have ourselves a real good time, we feel ali-hi-hi-hiiiive. Ronda Rousey — the lightning-rod heel-champion of women’s MMA — will attempt to defend her Strikeforce 135-pound title against former champ Sarah Kaufman, most likely by first-round armbar. (The winner will face Cris Cyborg immediately afterwards in the parking lot.) Before that, we’ve got a bunch of men’s fights that seem way less interesting by comparison. For instance, former Strikeforce middleweight champion Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza is in the co-main event spot against 9-1 middleweight Derek “The Human Blanket (!)” Brunson, while Tarec Saffiedine, Roger Bowling, Lumumba Sayers, and Ovince St. Preux round out the crew of featured fighters who you might have heard of before.

Handling the thankless job of spelling out all these names in tonight’s liveblog is CagePotato weekend warrior Anthony Gannon, who will be providing round-by-round results from the Showtime main card broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest and please make your presence known in the comments section.

Five rounds against Machida could save you five percent or more on UFC PPVs.

As flawless as UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon “Bones” Jones has looked inside the Octagon, he’s looked just as imperfect outside of it. There’s his unchecked arrogance, his “You never have to worry about me with a DWI or doing something crazy” comment just weeks before his DUI arrest and his brutal honesty about potential opponents. Basically, Jon Jones does everything in his power outside of the cage to make it hard for most fans to celebrate his in-sport accomplishments.

Which is why most of you won’t be too surprised to learn that just two weeks before his Light-Heavyweight title defense against the legendary Dan Henderson at UFC 151, Jones had some pretty harsh words for his next opponent, Lyoto Machida. In an interview with ESPN.com, Jones stated that “The Dragon” doesn’t deserve a rematch with him, not so much because he isn’t a competent fighter, but because Machida won’t get the fans to buy pay-per-views. In his own words:

“I don’t want to fight Lyoto Machida. He was my lowest pay-per-view draw of last year. No one wants to see me fight Lyoto Machida. I don’t want to fight Lyoto again. Lyoto is high risk and low reward. He’s a tough fighter, but no one wants to buy that fight.

Quote continued after the jump

A community news and forum, Stu News Laguna reported Friday that UFC flyweight Ian McCall was arrested last Tuesday on some strange, if relatively benign, charges including “possession of narcotic paraphernalia, possession of prescription meds without a valid prescription, and driving on a suspended license,” after undercover DEA agents spotted him. According to a later report from MMA Weekly, however, McCall’s manager Jason House says that McCall’s arrest happened a bit differently and with different charges.

“According to House, McCall was driving home on Tuesday when an unmarked police car recognized his vehicle from past occurrences and pulled him over.  The police ran McCall’s plates and they found an outstanding warrant in his name,” MMA Weekly reported.

“The warrant stemmed from a ticket issued in June for McCall driving under a suspended license.  McCall apparently paid the fines, but did not make a scheduled court appearance due to a miscommunication and a warrant was issued.”

(Yeah, and Sarah Kaufman scored the cover of Respectful Canadians Weekly, but does anyone seem to care? Nooooooo.)

While we don’t expect the kind of forehead-jockeying that Ronda Rousey got into with Miesha Tate back in March, it’ll be interesting to see what kind of shape the Strikeforce bantamweight champion is in going into her title defense against Sarah Kaufman tomorrow night. You can watch the weigh-ins for the entire Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman card in the player after the jump, live from San Diego. The first fighter will hit the scale at 6:45 p.m. ET / 3:45 p.m PT. Let us know what you think. Here, we’ll give you a discussion topic: The male fighters are a complete afterthought for this event — does that say more about the progress of women in MMA, or the supporting card‘s utter mediocrity?

(Just bide your time, Chael, he’s gonna walk right into that kneebar any second now.) 

The current betting line on Forrest Griffin vs. Chael Sonnen is downright insane.

Say what you want about how Griffin has looked in the octagon as of late (Seriously, do it. Here are a few adjective suggestions: sluggish, apathetic, hairy, manic-depressive), but even we couldn’t have seen this coming. When it was announced a few days ago that Sonnen would making his return to 205 lbs at UFC 155 against FoGriff after being tarred and feathered coming up short in his rematch with Anderson Silva, we expected that he would open as a small favorite with the former Light Heavyweight champ, if not even. Despite Griffin’s aforementioned lack of firepower lately, especially considering he was riding the TRT train for his last bout, Forrest is pretty massive for a light heavyweight, and you know, already beat Sonnen once before. There is also the fact that Sonnen’s last fight in the UFC at light heavyweight ended in submission (you know which one), and that Griffin managed to catch him with that exact same submission in their first, etc…

In either case, we were dead wrong.

Currently, BestFightOdds has Sonnen listed at an even -300 over Griffin, which must be based entirely on their respective performances against Anderson Silva, with Sonnen lasting roughly six and a half rounds and Griffin lasting roughly three and a half minutes. But those were a long three and a half minutes, you guys, like watching the puppy you got for Christmas fall through the ice in your Grandma’s pond and drown in slow motion…on that very same Christmas.

Needless to say, if this blatant disrespect doesn’t light a fire under Griffin’s ass, nothing will. We feel like we’ve typed that a lot lately.

Is that line as bad as we’re making it out to be? Join us after the jump for a good old fashioned head-to-head breakdown to see if our outrage is justified.

(Is there anything that Nick Newell can’t do? NO EYE CONTACT! Props: TheRealClayHenry via Karmaatemycat)

- Kedzie Overcame Eating Disorder to Become Women’s MMA Contender (SI.com)

- Javier Mendez Says “The Team Got Stronger After Koscheck Left” (Fightline)

- Why Chael Sonnen At Light Heavyweight is Great for MMA (HeavyMMA)

- Sarah Kaufman Training Camp Journal [VIDEO] (MMAFighting)

- The Rock and Gina Carano on the Set of ‘Fast 6′ (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- GSP: “I Didn’t Have the Drive Anymore, I Lost a Little Bit of Love for MMA” (BleacherReport/MMA)

- Celebrities With Front Butts [GALLERY] (WorldWideInterweb)

- Bryce Harper Tells Kids to ‘Be as Sexy as You Can’ (TerezOwens)

- Amazing Photos of Lightning Storms Over 25 Cities (EgoTV)

- Official Trailer for ‘Ghost Tits,’ Starring Olivia Munn (TurdFergusonBlog)

- How To Break Up With Class (I.E. Not Discuss What An Emotional Vampire Your Ex Was) (MadeMan)

- Can Long-Distance Travel Make You Sick? (MensFitness)

- The Six Saddest Places Penises Have Had to Be Freed From (HolyTaco)

(I don’t always accuse Hector Lombard of using steroids, but when I do, I make this face.)  

Potato Nation, I feel like I should say something in regards to Michael Bisping, because it seems that every time we poke fun at the bloke, a few of you get all butt hurt and call us wankers or poofters before begging your mothers to kiss the wound and make it all better. You claim that we are biased against British people, and though we have every right to be, this is simply not the case.

So here’s the deal; I personally have nothing against you Brits. I find your accents to be glorious, dignified, and far more soothing on the ear to than the slack jawed “wickid aaawesomes” New England has to offer. I love the The Inbetweeners, Samuel Smith’s Nut Brown Ale, Ricky Gervais, and a platter of Bangers and Mash as much as the rest of you probably do, if not more. As a matter of fact, I don’t even hate Michael Bisping. Sure, the guy is a dick by all accounts, but I can’t really claim to hate someone that I’ve never met before. I’m simply not that cynical, and I’m sure the same goes for my fellow writers. But this is CagePotato. We make jokes here. And we just happen to enjoy targeting guys like Bisping, Josh Koscheck, fat BJ Penn, and Dana White, because we enjoy picking the lowest hanging fruit. We good now? Alright, let’s move on.

The reason I give this disclaimer is due to the fact that Bisping recently sat down with Mauro Ranallo for a lengthy interview a month out from his UFC 152 fight with “All American” Brian Stann. We know, you’re thinking we’re going to set him up for a punchline here, but that is not the case today. Everything from the current injury curse to Hector Lombard’s dud of a debut was discussed, but it was when they came to the issue of TRT that Bisping actually made an argument that we could get behind. Our buddies over at MiddleEasy shared our concern. Granted, Bisping had to reduce most of his argument to the crudest terms available, but that doesn’t make it wrong:

I think it’s absolute nonsense, rubbish, bullshit. Listen, we all get old, we all grow up, you know? At some point, as you start getting older, your balls don’t work as well and you don’t make as much testosterone, but, that’s life and you deal with it. A guy that is 40-years old doesn’t make as much testosterone as a 21-year old so he gets an exemption certificate to say, ‘So now we will give him as much testosterone as a 21-year old.’ Well, what about me, I’m 33 (years of age), I’m not making the same amount as a 21-year old, but I make more than a 40-year old.

Where do we draw the line? It’s nonsense.

After the jump: The full interview, wherein Bisping accuses Lombard of steroid use, calls Mark Munoz fat, and says he’s “gonna knock the fucker out” when discussing Stann. And the world returned to normal.

(Right back atcha, buddy!)

CagePotato.com — the site that brought you “Ask Gary,” “Ask Dan,” and “Ask Carmen” — is pleased to announce our next celebrity correspondent. We’ve secured the talents of legendary MMA brawler/actor/commentator/relationship counselor Don Frye for a weekly interview series that will begin later this month. And we’re going to try* it a little different this time; instead of a written mailbag column, we’re going to organize an interactive video podcast where you can ask Don questions yourself, face to face.

But first, let’s seed this little garden with some questions to start off with. If you have anything you’d like to ask Don, please toss your questions in the comments section below. From his early UFC career, to his classic battles in Japan, to his beef with Dana White, to his alleged sexual assault of Rob Schneider, nothing is off limits. Thanks so much, and brace yourselves. More details about our Ask Don broadcasts will arrive next week. In the meantime, follow check out Don’s official web site, thepredatordonfrye.com.

* Pending our own technological capabilities. I mean, you remember how shaky this kind of thing was last time.

(From left to right: Ronda Rousey, Blaze Ya Dead Homie. / Ronda image via CombatLifestyle)

With her Strikeforce title defense against Sarah Kaufman coming up this weekend, Ronda Rousey’s latest bit of fight-hype was so violently over-the-top that it made Frank Mir look downright sportsmanlike in comparison. Here’s what Rowdy told reporters during yesterday’s Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman press conference:

“Sarah Kaufman should be thanking her lucky stars that MMA is properly regulated in California. I respect her so much that I’m not taking any chances: If i get her in an armbar I’m going to try and rip it off and throw it at her corner, if I get her in a choke I’m going to hold it until she’s actually dead. And if I get a knockout I’m going to actually try and pound her face into the ground. She’s relying on the competence of the California athletic commission to walk out of that cage alive. That has nothing to do with whether I like her or respect her, she seems like a nice chick, but I go into every fight like my little sister’s life is depending on it. And in that kind of situation, no one can ever beat me.”

Wow. If this fighting thing doesn’t work out, Ronda might have a future as an artist signed to Psychopathic Records. Luckily, Kaufman was relatively cool and insightful about the whole thing, saying:

Despite the way he was portrayed during his run on The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights, which is to say, typical British asshole, it turns out that James McSweeney is actually a pretty cool dude in reality. But seriously, if you were to categorize McSweeney scientifically based solely on TUF 10, his name would’ve been Bispingus Douchebaggus. However, I first caught a glimpse of how well-spoken and down to earth McSweeney truly is during a recent interview he had with MiddleEasy, which I’ve posted above. In the video, he and Kit Cope break down everything from Jon Jones’ DUI to Nick Diaz’s suspension for weed, and he comes off sounding like a relatively enlightened individual in the process.

The reason I mention this is not only to try and prove that there are British MMA fighters out there who aren’t complete dicks, but to provide a little backstory that will prevent this news from catching you completely off guard. Because in the long list of MMA fighters who moonlight as vigilante, Bronson-esque heroes, McSweeney has just added his name.

Yesterday night, McSweeney was giving his family, who was visiting from England, a friendly tour of Las Vegas. As things are destined to do in Vegas, the night would inevitably end in them witnessing at least one person trying to stab another.

(Today, the Modern Methodist Church of Southern Viejo. Tommorow, THE WORLD.)

After spending a two-day stint in Orange County jail, complete with psychological evaluations and all, it appears that Jason “Mayhem” Miller has been released after posting the required $20,000 bail earlier today.

Living up to his nickname, Miller was responsible for what will likely become one of the most notorious arrests in MMA History when he was found naked inside a Mission Viejo church Tuesday, which he had both vandalized and sprayed with a fire extinguisher. Oddly enough, officers on the scene stated that Miller seemed to be completely coherent when he was discovered, and are currently awaiting a toxicology report to determine if he was under any mind altering substances at the time the crime was committed. Given the quick turnaround time, we’d guess that he was either on hippie crack or an epic dosage of whip-its.

Dana White, a.k.a the man who broke Mayhem’s heart and unknowingly caused all of this, has yet to comment on Miller’s arrest. Luckily, we’ve done it for him:

I tell you, this f*cking guy, with his f*cking f*ggy pink boas and boom boxes and dance moves and Japanese schoolgirls. He really needs a f*cking clue. It’s bad enough that he lost to f*cking Launchpad McQuack in his last performance, but now he goes out and pulls this sh*t. That’s all I gotta say, except f*ck you, f*ck Josh Gross, and f*ck Fedor. Dana out!

Word has it Mayhem is now accepting requests for birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, art gallery openings, or whatever event you would be willing to shuttle him to through his Facebook page. We’re not sure what it is he will do once he gets there, but you can rest assured that it will not be boring.

-J. Jones

(“Sorry Frankie, but based on the terms of your pay-per-view bonus scale — as clearly stated in your contract — you actually owe us $10,000.“)

It wasn’t just UFC 150‘s live-gate that fell way below expectations. According to a new report from Dave “Doom ‘N’ Gloom” Meltzer, last weekend’s Edgar vs. Henderson 2 card pulled in an estimated 190,000 pay-per-view buys. Judging by the MMAPayout.com Blue Book, that would make UFC 150 the second worst-performing UFC PPV since February 2006. And what’s the #1 worst-performing card of the last six years? The UFC 147: Silva vs. Franklin 2 show from just two months earlier, which took in only 175k buys. (UFC 149: Faber vs. Barao didn’t fare much better last month with a modest 235k buys.) Sorry Fric and Frack, Christmas has been canceled this year.

A couple caveats:
Keep in mind that there was a technical issue on Saturday night where DirecTV subscribers were unable to order the UFC 150 broadcast by phone or computer, although they could still order it via their remotes, according to reports. Plus, Bendo vs. Frankie ran up against the penultimate night of the 2012 Olympics, which may have stolen a few more viewers.

That being said…

(“Nothing comes between me and my Baconator. Nothing.”)

By Jason Moles

In the ever-competitive world of professional mixed martial arts, the men and women are fighting for more than just the fans and their next paycheck; they’re fighting for survival. When you barely have enough money left for yourself after paying your training partners, coaches, and buying nutritional supplements, it’s time to find another source of income. Most do this in the way of sponsorships — you know, like the Nike deal Jon Jones recently signed, or Anderson Silva’s relationship with Burger King. And if more of these well-known mainstream companies would sponsor a few fighters, the smaller companies that currently sponsor fighters could move to guys and gals who are still making their way up the ranks without anyone losing out. Let’s look at the companies that best suit MMA, how they should be involved, and why it makes sense.

Company: Old Spice
Ideal fighter to sponsor: Cheick Kongo, Alistair Overeem

Why it makes sense: Standing 6′ 4″ and weighing 230 pounds, and 6′ 5″/263, respectively, the Frenchman and the Dutchman are the most physically imposing fighters in the UFC’s heavyweight division. Old Spice is known for their funny commercials targeting the same audience watching PPV’s on a Saturday night. In the past, Old Spice has used NFL players Brian Urlacher and Ray Lewis as spokesman for their ‘Swagger’ line of men’s body products, as well as jacked Expendables cast-member Terry Crews. And if those guys can do it, why not Kongo and Overeem? In particular, “The Demolition Man” is the type of guy you want your customers to think they’ll be more like by using your product. Alistair could even make his commercial debut by eating the horse the original Old Spice Guy rode in on.

(Beneath that skin-tight cat suit lies a quiet, innocent girl who just wants some alone time. And beneath her lies a limb-destroying human bear trap.)

Have you ever wondered what it must be like behind-the-scenes of a staredown for a fight promo? Surely the tension must be insurmountable, with members of each fighter’s crew present on set to separate the two between each take. Well, if the latest Showtime episode of All Access: Ronda Rousey is any indication, the fighters actually choose to discuss how bad they smell to one another, all the while trying to remain serious while the camera is rolling.

Challenger Sarah Kaufman is the first to break the ice, declaring that her “left armpit smells,” whereas Ronda admits that she probably smells “like leprosy” as a result of her catsuit-clad antics she participated in just moments before. We know, we know, you all just went from six to midnight.

Anyway, so begins the second episode of All Access, which delves further into the training strategies of both the champion and the challenger. Where Rousey is content to hit the pads with Richard Perez in between sessions at Team Cesar Gracie, Kaufman prefers to just bang on the drum kit a little and punch bitches in the face. An interesting, if not unorthodox strategy.

And things get really interesting around the six-minute mark, where Ronda receives the first copies of her ESPN “The Body” Issue. Even she seems impressed by her own hotness, as well as the fact that ESPN showed far more butt than she expected (Author’s note: Thanks guys, it’s good to know all those “incentives” we sent you were not in vain.) 

Full video after the jump. 

(BJ Penn is the ultimate killing machine. Seriously, do you know how many shrimp had to die in order to make his lunch?)

Unless your name is Ken Shamrock, you probably wouldn’t carve a second mouth into your face in order to avoid a fight that you already agreed to. And yet, BJ Penn is questioning Rory MacDonald‘s excuse for withdrawing from their scheduled meeting at UFC 152, claiming that the young Canadian pulled out because he knew he wasn’t going to win, and that withdrawing from a fight due to a cut is a cowardly move in the first place. Here’s what Penn told Sherdog in an interview published yesterday; roll up your pants because the bullshit is about to get deep in here…

“I know the reason why Rory pulled out on September 22nd. The cut is a detail but I know the reason why he pulled out is ’cause he knew he wasn’t gonna win. If he let that cut heal, tried to train, whatever it was, whether he should have been in shape already…I’ve never heard of a guy pulling out of a fight 10 weeks early from a cut. [Ed. note: It was actually seven weeks early, but you can't blame Penn for rounding up in order to make a point.] Never in my life have I heard of a guy, 10 weeks before a fight, he got cut, he pulled out. You know what I mean? He feels he has to do what’s best for him, for his team, they’re gonna do that, but it’s 100 percent fact that the reason why they pulled out is because they knew they were gonna lose on September 22nd. If not, you wouldn’t pull out.

(When all else fails, a hypogonadism burn is always a solid standby.) 

Apparently Jon Jones is unaware that Chael Sonnen is a fight promoter first, troll second, and actual fighter third. Be that as it may, “Bones” must have really took to heart the relatively light bit of trash-talking Sonnen aimed in the champ’s direction when announcing his return to the light-heavyweight division on UFC Tonight, as he has already responded, then deleted, several scathing remarks aimed at the former middleweight title challenger via Twitter, because of course he did.

If we’ve learned anything about what arguments over Twitter inevitably lead to, we’re probably going to need a bigger facepalm and a fresh pair of trousers for one of these gentlemen in the near future.

The rest of Jones’ comments are after the jump.

(Frankie Edgar vs. Dominick Cruz for the UFC bantamweight title, with special guest referee Michael Vick. Dare we dream? | Photo via the best communications director in MMA)

For years, everyone from UFC President Dana White to fans of former lightweight champion Frankie Edgar have called for “The Answer” to drop down to a more natural competition weight of 145 pounds because he’s so much smaller than just about everyone he’s faced in the Octagon. To this point, Edgar has only seemed to be annoyed at the suggestion — after all, he clearly has no problem competing with the relative behemoths at lightweight — but now even his team seems to be saying he should drop down…to bantamweight.

You read that correctly (or maybe you didn’t, we really can’t vouch for either your vision or literacy, so get off our back, ok?): Edgar’s boxing coach and The World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry says that he’d like to see Edgar, who he says walks around at just 157-159 pounds, instead campaign at 135 pounds:

“Me personally, I’d like to see Frankie for like a year to take a rest on his back and his body to fight people at 135 to do what everybody in the whole MMA community is [doing] and suck him down to nothing, looking like their death the day of the weigh-in and fight people that weigh as much as him,” Henry said while a guest on the SiriusXM Fight Club radio show Monday.

(Hey, who says we don’t give this guy enough coverage? Props: TheSHOOT! via MMAMania)

We’re no strangers to cauliflower-ear draining videos around these parts. But Strikeforce middleweight champion Luke Rockhold has definitely raised the grossness bar here by draining his ear, then — after threatening to eat his harvest — shooting it out into his bathroom sink, spelling the word “champ” in perfect cursive. Fuck, dude. No.

(Oh, you said you have a *flaggy* tattoo? I must have misheard you.) 

By Nathan Smith

During a recent interview with the Wall Street Journal, Dana White said, “Globally, we’re already bigger than the NFL.” From a global stand point that may be true, but in the Pulp Fiction-esque United States, the NFL is still Marsellus Wallace. The UFC may never gain the notoriety that the NFL has in America but stand-out fighters continue to ink major product endorsement deals. Anderson Silva (Burger King, Budweiser), Georges St. Pierre (Gatorade, UnderArmor) and Jon Jones (Nike) are paving the way to success for future mixed martial artists. Although big-time corporate sponsorship for fighters is in its infancy, the other major professional sports leagues have seen their athletes gain almost as much notoriety outside the lines as within.

The UFC was purchased by Zuffa just over a decade ago and has been charging towards global domination ever since. Sure, the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL (well, maybe not the NHL) playoffs and championship contests annihilate the UFC ratings-wise but the premier MMA organization is gaining at a rapid pace. Take into account the combined several hundred years of history the 4 “major” professional leagues hold and it is glaringly apparent that the UFC and its stars are closing the gap like a fat dude towards a parked Roach Coach.

Comparing the UFC’s ratings and popularity with the aforementioned leagues is somewhat asinine and it would not be fair or rational to compare athletes from other sports with UFC fighters – but you have visited Cagepotato.com. We have never been accused of being fair or rational and matching fighters with their counterparts from around the world of other sporting organizations seemed as logical as a booze-filled headset.

Anderson Silva and Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan has become the benchmark to which all athletes are measured, although the comparisons have transcended far beyond the realm of athletics. Any activity or event draws comparisons to #23 (or #45 whatever). From Ken Jennings being the Michael Jordan of Jeopardy, to Joey Chestnut being the Michael Jordan of gluttony or Peter North being the Michael Jordan of male climax volume, Jordan is synonymous with superiority. In every single poll taken in the last decade regarding the “Top 100 NBA players in History” the battle is for #2 through #100. Michael Jordan is considered the greatest of all time in his medium (and I am not talking about minor league baseball).  Anderson Silva, with his perfect 15-0 record and 10 consecutive title defenses in the UFC, has done things that may never be accomplished again in the history of mixed martial arts. Some day a fighter may come along (if he hasn’t already *foreshadowing*) and surpass Silva’s records but until his numbers fall, Anderson Silva is the Michael Jordan of MMA – period.